We all have conflicts in our lives - big and small - at various times. It is normal. When we the stress of anticipated or unresolved conflict increases and doesn't go away so easily anymore, it contributes to all of the other stressors in our lives. Our risk of health problems increase with it.
Completing this assessment now might be a valuable step for you towards clearing away (or dealing with) the various stresses — known and unknown — that might be making life more challenging than it needs to be or, perhaps even, damaging your health.
It will provide you with some clues as to where stress may be lurking for you and what you might be able to do to strengthen your resilience in conflict situations. There are many factors that cause stress and chronic conflict.
Completing this assessment gives you the first crucial building block - awareness - of the role of conflict in your life. Your conflict management 'muscles' get revitalized. Restoration of damaged relationships and future pro-active management of conflict follow, along with significantly reduced stress levels.
By submitting this assessment, you may also qualify for a free 45 minute consultation with Delphine du Toit. These sessions are completely free, carry no obligation and are being conducted in support of a stress-related research project. (If you are interested in receiving a free consultation with Delphine, please indicate so in the box provided at the end of the questionnaire.)
You are required to enter your email address below in order to proceed - this helps the research team with spam management. You will receive an acknowledgement and a personal report from us upon receipt of your completed questionnaire, but your email will NOT be added to or sold as part of an emailing list for bulk mailing without your explicit permission. We are bound by the privacy laws of the Province of Nova Scotia, Canada, in that reward.
Modern life has done away with those ancient kinds of threat, for the most part. You're not likely to have to face down a sabre tooth cat or an angry mammoth. You ARE likely to face constant deadlines, paying bills, juggling childcare, interacting within different teams and groups at work and in the community, fear of job loss or difficult conversations about job performance or what's to be done about an ill or dying relative, a cheating partner, and so on.
What comes with modern life is the cumulative negative health effect of stress that is experienced over an extended period of time. The longer chronic stress lasts the worse it gets for both mind and body. Unresolved disagreements and conflict add to your stress load in addition to affecting your relationships with the people in your life, on several levels - the first is the level at which the original conflict occurred; the second is the people who comprise your social circle and support system.
Your unresolved feelings about the conflict or disagreement have a subtle influence in your general state of mind and social behaviour could include feeling fatigued, not being able to concentrate, loss of sleep, or being irrationally irritable, with unexpected outbursts of anger in situations that wouldn't normally warrant it. It can lead to depression. Apparently sudden emotional stresses, especially anger, on top of an already stress-laden body, can trigger a heart attack.
We all have our own natural conflict style - it is influenced by our culture, our family upbringing, our personality and our life experiences. It does not mean that we don't sometimes use one of the other conflict styles, it just means that it is our go-to style - our default behavior. It is very helpful to know what your natural conflict style is, so that you can judge, in a conflict situation, whether to follow your natural instinct or whether it is time to pause and to make a deliberate decision to use a different approach.
Different conflicts call for different approaches. Using the right approach helps diffuse the situation or resolve the issue completely, thus taking the conflict out of the realm of a stressor in your life. Sometimes avoiding conflict is an unhealthy choice, in the long run, and sometimes it is the exact right thing to do. If it is your go-to style, it's time to look at it more closely to make sure that it is in service of your psychological and physical well-being, not adding to chronic stress.