Only Dads Adoption Application

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Adopt Marcus Streeter

Name

Age

18 - 24

25 - 39

40+

Timeless Cougar

Clear selection

Are you prepared to provide Marcus with:

A steady supply of hair conditioner

Applause after every guitar solo

A safe place to store broken strings

Lifestyle Questions

Yes (Marcus will mow in cutoff shorts)

No (Marcus will mow anyway, it just might be your carpet)

Clear selection

How many hours per week are you willing to listen to Marcus talk about his tractor?

0–2

3–5

I already own a tractor, let’s compare notes

Clear selection

What kind of crops are you prepared to let Marcus gently farm on your property?

Corn 🌽

Soybeans 🌱

“Exotic plants” 🌿

Can you clap on beat?

Yes

No, but I’ll try

What’s a beat?

Clear selection

Which best describes your reaction when Marcus starts a 12-minute guitar solo?

Throw bra on stage

Politely nod

Pretend to get another drink

How would you support Marcus during tough times?

Emotional encouragement

Unlimited Sweet Tea

Tractor wax and denim patch kits

If adopted, will you promise to:

Attend at least one show per month

Pretend to be impressed when Marcus lifts heavy farm equipment

Help him find his capo when it inevitably goes missing

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