REQUEST JAMS INITIATING
depending on how you answer, we will know with infinite percent certainty whether or not you are indeed a replicant, feign enjoyment of white claws, and/or believe in horoscopes, all extremely essential information in building your new, perfect style, as regulated by the NRA and the penguin workers' union
send all love letters (I keep them all in a special drawer right by my cozy socks) and/or expletives to our customer helpline --
-- bonus points if it's in Shakespearean
with everlasting love,
the jampack team
(dictated, not read)
p.s. JAMPACK offers a 100% money-back guarantee if you are dissatisfied with your style
p.p.s. payment info is at the bottom of the form vvvv
p.p.p.s. eh I'm just having fun at this point
What situation are we styling for? Alone time on a beach? Something to get you pumped up? How can we help enhance your life with the power of awesome **music**??
What is your spirit animal? What sicko invented the 5-second rule?
Any songs/artists we should listen to as reference points? What do you love about them?
Type your great-great grandchild's middle name here
What would you rather do for vacation?
Quest for a lost artifact, evading booby traps and foiling evil henchmen along the way with your whip (no this is not the plot of Indiana Jones)
Bring a book to the beach with full intention of reading it until you see the open bar down the strip
Spend time in your painting studio, working on your magnum opus after taking a stroll downtown to clear your head
Curl up with ____ (insert significant other and/or pet name) and a bottle of pinot, binge-watching your way to delirium
vAcaTIon!? WhUt iS vAcATiOn!?
You hear a knock at your door and open it. Lo and behold its the police and they have a warrant for your arrest. What crime is it for? How did they catch you?
Any dietary restrictions?
explicit-intolerant (milk incapacitates me)
only explicit content (f***ing love cheese)
must have lyrics (atkins diet)
singer-songwriters put me to sleep (and this is not a bedtime playlist)
just the hits (that kid who only ate noodles and ketchup the first two decades of their life and is horribly malnourished)
deathly allergic to top-40 (we have your epi pen covered)
only the most obscure dish will satisfy my refined palette (we love you, caviar breath)
avoid music in foreign languages (say what again! I dare ya! I double dare ya!)
locally sourced (and farm raised)
none (omnivore, you lucky bastard)
If you selected "Locally Sourced," which locale would you like to focus on?
penthouse in the city
white picket fence
farm (lots of goats)
castle (moat sold separately)
On a scale of white bread to esoteric seeded bread, how freaky do you want your stylist to get???
White Bread (same genre, same style, similar to your specified music)
Damn-Near-Tree-Bark (different genre, different style, really experimental)
Any last requests? Speak now or forever hold your peace :)))
On which streaming service would you prefer the delivery of your jammin' new look?
venmo: nissimgonemissin $7.99 with "jampack" in the note!! we will refund you the requisite amount if you input a valid promo code :)))
100% money back guarantee!!
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