A Peek at Pique: Your Anger Quiz
This quiz is for anyone who’s a member of the Datewise community, or a member of my Women’s Meetup Group: Creating the Life You Want (San Rafael).
We’d love to have you join us this Monday night in San Rafael (RSVP at
), but if you can’t, this quiz will still give you clarity about your anger patterns & and some implications for how we can relate to the feelings each news cycle may bring you. Taking 15 minutes before our next Meetup, Monday night will help you get the richest experience and provide fertile ground for our work together. Please bring your copy with you. Please also submit your answers by noon on Monday, 10/15 (your specific answers will be kept confidential). Being able to see response patterns in the group lets me find the through lines for designing our session. Thanks for helping!!
Choose as many answers as are true. If your experiences aren’t mentioned here, please add them.
1. Growing up, I saw anger in my family:
Hidden or denied
Expressed in ways that felt out of control/were frightening/diminishing
Communicated clearly, in ways that felt appropriate
2. I got the message that my anger was:
A source of valuable information
Worth listening to
3. In my family, expressing anger was treated:
The same across genders
More favorably for women/girls
More favorably for men/boys
1. When I feel annoyed or angry with someone, my first reaction is to:
Try to figure out what I did to ‘deserve this’
Attempt to talk myself out of my feelings
Quickly show/speak or act on my anger
Hold it in and hope the feelings dissipate over time
Talk about it with them
Talk it over with someone else
2) I know why I'm angry:
Most or all of the time
It can be confusing to figure out what’s really bothering me
4. After the first flush of anger fades, I typically feel:
Enlightened about myself, another person or the situation
What do you mean “Fades”?
5. I am most likely to try to manage my anger over time, by:
Releasing energy - Physical activity, eg. exercise,Yoga
Self-soothing - baths, listening to music, being in nature, targeted reading, meditation, etc.
Getting Support - Talking w/ trusted allies
Creative Expression - writing, drawing, playing music, etc.
Training for a black belt in Karate
Self-medication - ie. using substances
6. Don’t tell anyone, but I get a lot of satisfaction when I:
Perform a thorough character assassination in my mind.
Vent my feelings w/ friends, including sordid details - accurate or maybe amped up a bit
Make funny but biting comments - 1:1 or with other people present
Retaliate in small ways that will seem unintentional/non-angry/ someone else’s fault
An anger habit I’m not proud of:
7. If I share my feelings, with the person I am angry with, I’m most likely to feel:
Afraid of the other person’s anger
Worried I'll lose the relationship
8. I usually envision the people I’m angry with as:
Intentionally trying to harm me
Needing a corrective interaction with me
9. My most common style (personal and societal situations):
Angrily confront. Catch them off-guard. Overpower them my your points (quality/quantity), volume. Try to win.
Analyze the source of the problem. Approach the other person as if it is a shared problem. Solicit their ideas and offer your own ideas to the discussion. Co-create a solution.
Organize a group of people to change the root problem
Join a group of people who are working to solve the problem
Leave the situation/end the relationship
Share my perspective with larger groups of people: Publish. Speak Publicly. Create Art, etc.
10. I would like to get better at:
Understanding my reactions & feelings better/more quickly
Assessing if I've had a role in creating the situation
Imagining the other person’s perspective
Thinking about the most productive way to approach them/it
Changing the root causes of the situation (personal or political)
Initiating and conducting a productive conversation
Making use of my allies to explore the best ways to use my anger
Taking collective action
11. The rhetoric about & treatment of women by the current Administration & Congress:
12. If you are angry about it, please rate your anger on a scale of 1-5 (5 is angriest):
To explore these issues more fully, come to our Meetup on Monday 10/15 at 7pm. RSVP at https://tinyurl.com/yawssk5w
Gail Weiner, MFT
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