Hello, I'm Andrew Shanahan and as a writer of post-apocalyptic and science fiction I often kill people. In my last book, Before and After (www.helpbiscuits.com
), there were several billion deaths.
Imagining gruesome and sometimes hilarious deaths for people is tiring work and it leaves little creative energy for thinking of names for those victims who may get dismembered, hoofed out of a fourth floor window or incinerated in a cloud of burning hydrogen.
That's why I'm offering you the opportunity to let me kill you, literarily. Legally, I'm obliged to point out that this agreement only covers fictional death. You see, what would be useful for me is to have a store of names of people who don't mind getting murderised in my books. And you, being the sick individual you are, might just get a bit of a kick from that, right?
- I'm not guaranteeing that you will definitely die in my books, I'm going to put all the names in a hat, A HAT OF DEATH, and choose from there.
- I reserve the right to not choose your name for aesthetic purposes. If you happen to be called Fanny Crinkles or Johnson Todgerhammer then that's wonderful, but I'm sure you agree it might detract from a poignant moment in the book.
- If you fill in this form then you agree that I can kill you in any way I choose and you will not have editorial control (I'm not going to check with several billion people that they're ok with being whittled to a nub by a rogue sanding belt).
- If I do choose your name then I will thank you in the acknowledgements and send you a signed copy of the book too. So, sign up already - what have you got to lose?