~~ Zoom Link, Resources, and Additional Info Will Be Sent A Few Days Beforehand ~~
~~Anticipate each workshop will last about 2 hours~~
Overview: This is a condensed version of workshop for best-practices in supporting the survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault in our own lives leading up to Thanksgiving. This can be a romantic partner, a parent, a friend, a client, someone you knew at the time of the abuse or not. Survivors may also join this space, and let it inform the ways you speak and listen. This is open to all genders, and cis men are strongly encouraged to come!
Testimonials: "Beyond the heroic survivor was an eye-opening experience for me. Lexie created a safe, welcoming environment where I felt comfortable sharing. They were patient, flexible and understanding as we navigated difficult topics, and created space for us to learn and process in our own way. After each session I was able to take away new tools, language and perspectives to help me better engage with the survivors in my life. Furthermore, they took detailed notes for us to reference in the future, helping cement what we’d learned and shared. BTHS is a thoughtfully structured course that challenged me to grow my understanding of what it means to be a survivor." - Zach Jamieson (he/him)
"Beyond the Heroic Survival should be mandatory learning for all humans. With groundedness and grace, Lexie guided us through myths, realities, and how to take action to support survivors. I left feeling optimistic about the world that we are creating together – as well as a renewed sense of purpose in caring for myself and my community. Lexie is a skilled facilitator, who welcomes many forms of sharing and learning. There is no pressure to be right or to have the right answers, and though Lexie has a great amount of knowledge and wisdom, the class always carried a sense of mutual growth. Take this course and bring a friend!" - Anonymous
"I was in the cis-men specific skillshare, and I was deeply moved by the way our discussions revolved around how best to work with and process the trauma of our loved ones. As a demographic that is less likely (but of course, still able) to become a survivor, this was a space where cis men could share their experiences and struggles with supporting survivors in their lives, and to receive support and understanding from one another. I appreciated that while the aim of the course was focused mainly on different ways to be an ally and a support, it also emphasized that much of this work is internal. For example, two questions that came up for me were: What is the difference between carrying someone else's pain, and holding space for them to express that pain? How can I offer support, while not prescribing a specific "fix"? Discussions surrounding these questions and those like them helped me understand concrete things to do and not do when supporting survivors, and also how to support and show love to myself throughout the process." - John Tournas (he/him)
"Caring for people is about shared vulnerability, and that requires trust, so how do we become trustworthy? Beyond the Heroic Survivor connected to me across personal and systemic levels, addressing the ways abuse can affect us all, even if indirectly. Lexie Bean held space for deep listening and integrating conversation while providing the soft skills for supporting survivors in our lives." - Dragon (they/them)
"I spent months looking for the support and resources I needed to be a support to my partner. I looked hard and long, and found very, very little for people who aren't the survivors themselves. I found clinical materials, but being a clinician and a partner are two different things. When I found Lexie's workshop, I saw in his framing and language the kind of welcoming space for me to step into as a straight cis-man to receive the space to share, be seen, and receive the support I needed to be able to be a support. A big part of the block for me to do this kind of work is my own shame and and fears, a primary one among them being the myth that I learned about in this workshop which was "because I'm not the survivor, I don't need, or deserve any help to hold my partner and their pain." It was the first safe space I found myself in to say things that I'd been ashamed of thinking and feeling for a very, very long time, and to be received with empathy and compassion of Lexie and the other men in the group made a real difference for me. It was scary to do, and I'm so, so glad I did it. It is my wish that more men do it, for themselves and for their partners and loved ones." - Anonymous
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About: Together - we will move us beyond basic and internet-loving narratives of "the heroic survivor" while also acknowledging the real work of a community in relating to violence.
-myths and strategies on supporting ourselves
-short-term and crisis support of survivors
-long-term support of survivors
It will be a guided space, which will include community-made ground rules with confidentiality at the forefront. Each session will include an opening and closing, several rounds of conversation, and always an opportunity to say "pass, please."
The built-in structure calls on everyone attending as an expert of their own experiences, while also noting our personal oversights and ways in which humans often contradict ourselves in intention and impact.
Why: A majority of resources are directly for survivors, and not for the people who care for us. When trainings do exist, they are often focused on throwing hotlines at people, crisis moments, and often unintentionally reinforce shame. This offering is intended for supporters to develop time and space for new ways in relating to survivors and themselves.
Why Holidays & Post-Election: This holiday season, I once again hope to offer these workshops for free to participants in the months of December and January. Why? Because when I volunteered for a hotline in rural Ohio, nearly 80% of the calls I received came in around the holidays. Traditions, pressure to be merry, to be near family, anniversaries of harm and loss, seasonal depression - all these and more make winter a particularly hard time for many survivors. This is especially true for trans people and childhood sexual abuse survivors - two groups I identify with and whose hardships are rarely addressed in workshops like these. These communities and survivors as a whole are also at particular risk this year with the arrival of the new administration at the White House at the new promises and rising culture it carries.
Materials: Connection to Zoom from a private space or with headphones on. A glass of water if you need it! Something to take notes with if you'd like - attributing somebody's name will not be allowed without their consent. Bullet-point style notes will also be generated and shared at the end of each session.
Important notes: (1) IT IS OKAY NOT TO KNOW EVERYTHING & BE INARTICULATE!! (2) This group will be facilitated in USA English, but you're welcome to incorporate any language use in your note taking and communication. (3) It is a skill-share series. It's not intended as therapy nor as any measure of professional goodness, but as a space to find gain new skills in connecting to yourself and others through what's learned. I would also not call it a true "support group" given some of my power positions in arts-world and my guiding of the prompts. (4) It is nobody's job to fix another person present or in your own lives.
A little about me, the facilitator! For transparency: My name is Lexie; my pronouns they/he.
I've been working with survivors in some capacity for 15 years, have also made some books, and currently co-keep within a restorative justice group for people impacted by childhood sexual abuse. While, of course, this all informs the lessons I offer within the skill-share, I am leaving out detailed professional accolades for now because that's not the point of this space, but you can read more here if that's helpful for you in trust-building, www.lexiebean.com. I'm non-binary trans, chronically ill, and neurodivergent. My experience as a childhood sexual abuse survivor and someone who re-experienced harm as an adult; my experience of this is has been heavily informed by my whiteness, eating, growing up in the Midwest, sleeping, queer-world, moving, evolving relationship to masculinity, and so many other things. A few other things to know about me going in: I am not(!) against the use of words survivors choose for themselves and that includes "victim." I don't believe in referring to survivors as "angels," as I and nobody human is free from causing harm. I believe many popular ideas of justice (even within many queer spaces) are deeply flawed. I enter this space with a lot of love and courage, and I thank you for doing the same.
If you're reading all of this and decide it's not for you, but want to support anyways, you can do so through my Patreon,
www.patreon.com/itslexiebean AND I am holding a survivor specific version of this on going beyond "self care" - you can learn more here!
tinyurl.com/beyondselfcare4survivors 