Bully Busting 103--Creating Word Blocks-It was our fault
From the Verbal Judo Institute
In our first module we discussed the concept of Mushin. Mushin means being cool, confident, and having the ability to respond without emotion.
Check each box that applies to you
I have worked on my Mushin and have improved it a lot.
I feel that my Mushin will help me control a bully.
I have learned enough so far in the Bully Busting program to understand the importance of Mushin.
My Mushin is not where it needs to be but I am working hard on it.
I have not worked on my Mushin.
Sometimes conflict occurs when people get angry with us and IT IS COMPLETELY OUR OWN FAULT. We all make mistakes. We all mess up. We need to know how to apologize effectively....................It is very normal for you to get angry when someone attacks you. Remember though, showing your anger only makes things worse.........Sometimes it is our fault that someone gets angry. In most cases, a simple apology is often the best solution. Here's an example: Let's say your teacher says: "why didn't you turn in your assignment? You know it's important!" Your response could be something like: "I am sorry that I've disappointed you. I forgot that it was due today. Can I write it down and bring it in tomorrow? I don't want to disappoint you again."...................Another example from your angry parent: "why didn't you clean up your room? You promised me you would." A good response from you might be "I know you're upset, mom. I just lost track of time. Can I have another 15 Minutes? I made you a promise and I want to keep it."
Give an example of when one of your parents, teacher or close friend got really angry at you, and you were at fault. Then give a response that you should have made that would have blocked their anger.
When someone else gets angry and we are to blame, our first reaction is to GET ANGRY IN RETURN. We are on the defensive, ready to snap right back. This solves nothing. An apology word block works like this: 1. ACKNOWLEDGE their anger (we call this tactical empathy..put yourself in their shoes). Example: "I can see that you are mad..."...................2. APOLOGIZE: Example: "I have let you down and I am sorry."............3. OFFER A SOLUTION: Example: "I will turn off the TV and get right to work. I won't stop until my project is done." These responses must be like a reflex, done swiftly and without a trace of anger or emotion. Keep your Mushin.
Write down a time when you had conflict with a parent or friend, tell why there was a conflict, how you handled it then, and how would you handle it now.
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