Understanding Fixation on a Partner’s Ex (Anonymous Survey)

Hi! Thank you for taking the time to share your experience.

Some context: I’ve long struggled with fixation on my partner’s exes in different ways. Sometimes I see them as a real threat, other times they start to feel like a role model—either way, I always come back to the fact that it’s more about me than anyone else involved. It’s messy, irrational, a total time suck...but I also know I’m not alone in this.

I’m really interested in hearing from others who have experienced something similar—what was happening in your life when this started? What stood out the most about the ex? Did this fixation connect to other parts of your life, like your career, health, or personal challenges?

If you’re open to sharing, I’d love to talk—whether by phone, chat, or email. You can leave your contact info at the end, or reach out to fixationresearch@gmail.com if you’d rather connect directly. Otherwise, feel free to answer as much or as little of this survey as you'd like.

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What emotions do you associate with your partner's exes? (Select all that apply)
What aspects of a partner's ex interest you most? (Select all that apply)
Can you describe a moment you realized you were fixating on a partner’s ex? 

What triggered it? Was it sudden or gradual?

Did you ever feel the urge to reach out to them? 

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If you had the urge, what made you want to reach out?

Where do you think your fixation comes from?

Do you connect it to anything in your past (e.g., relationships, family dynamics, life transitions?) Does it feel tied to your personality, emotions, or something else?

If you’ve moved past the fixation, what helped? If not, what makes it worse?

How do you spend most of your time outside your relationship? 

(Work, hobbies, creative outlets, social life, etc.)

Would you be open to talking about this over the phone or chat? 

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If yes, feel free to leave an email or another way to connect (totally optional!):

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