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... a panda. A full-grown, male, black and white Giant panda. Ailuropoda melanoleuca. I stared at him in disbelief as he stared right back at me, obviously startled, with one paw in the cheese puff jar and the other in a tub of melting vanilla bean ice cream--my favorite ice cream. I don't know how long we both just stood there, looking at each other in silence, but it was a long time. Even though there wasn't a sound, the crumbs and empty candy wrappers that littered the kitchen floor seemed to be screaming at me. I had JUST swept the tile before going to bed.

"This isn't what you think it is." the panda said, breaking the silence and shuffling his enormous weight a little.

"Well, what is it then?" I retorted softly, completely ignoring the fact that the wild animal in my kitchen had just spoken perfect English to me.

The panda reached over the kitchen counter and took a long gulp from the open milk jug before he spoke again.
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