We here at the Stanford Flipside are proud to announce a thrilling new opportunity for all of Stanford’s aspiring satirists, satanists, sartorialists, satyrs, somnambulists, and serialized true crime podcast fans. Yes, that’s right—starting this year, right now, we’ll be offering a summer fellowship with our venerable fake news newspaper, and we’re reaching out to select a few elite candidates foolish enough to take up the task!
As a part of this fellowship, you will be expected to work up to sixteen hours per day in our patented “satire sweatshops” in order to churn out the most finely-tuned and delectably-tasty satire yet seen by the world’s tear-stained eyes. We are looking for idealistic yet cynical, feisty yet subdued, smart yet imbecilic young leaders who lack any real leadership experience and are willing to give their all for a life which ultimately bears no fruit (metaphorical or otherwise).
Applicants must not be affiliated with Stanford University and should be at least eighty years of age, or able to provide a valid fake ID stating as much. This is for tax reasons and has nothing to do with our gerontophilia. We promise.
Here’s what previous Flipside fellows had to say about the experience:
In exchange for your valuable work over the summer, you will be paying the Flipside 6,000¢ (before tax) to fund our crippling dog-racing addiction. You also have to convince Marc Tessier-Lavigne to give us at least 3 units of class credit for this shit.
In addition to the primary Q&A component of the application, we ask that you write a novel of a minimum length of 50,000 words, which engages thematically with why your unconscious nightmares and sexual fantasies reveal repressed childhood trauma that controls your every action and thought. A series of limericks is also acceptable, if you would prefer that format to the novel, but the mandatory word count remains the same.
Please also provide two letters of recommendation: one from the Stanford professor or faculty member who hates you the most, and one from the last meal that you ate. Applications are due April 1st, but preference will be given to those turned in late. Direct all inquiries to email@example.com, and make sure you provide zero context about what the fuck you’re talking about when you ask your question.
Accepted individuals may receive Flipside swag, Flipside publication, a chance to meet the Flipside legends themselves, a photo with the fabled Musk-Man (see Issue 12-283), a slap on the back and a “ya did good, kid,” a hand-drawn self portrait, a self-drawn hand portrait, a sack of taters that survived the blight, legally-binding erasure of your public urination charges, clove garlic, forbidden knowledge, yeast you can grow bread with, and your name printed in our anals for all the world to mock.
We look forward to working you this summer!
Sally forth and suffer!