The 4th Replacement Search
<b>The Operator seeks a replacement:</b>
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I was chosen for this arrangement, as was the person before me and before them, by an organisation not listed in any record. Unfortunately, decades ago, all communications from them ceased. And much to my concern and relief, I've recently decided to retire. Therefore, after satisfying the arrangement through far too many world and civil wars, changes in borders, flags and great moments of human ingenuity, I am forced to find my own replacement.

While I cannot tell you the specifics of this arrangement,  I can say my daily tasks are vital to everything. And by everything I mean exactly what the word implies. Without the simple and reoccurring tasks I complete, what you know now will no longer be.

Unlike the papers I received, I am using a contemporary method, a contact form, to start my search. The questions it contains are updated versions of those I was asked before being chosen. I realize this list of questions will seem absurdly long and strange. I felt the same when answering, but they are all necessary. I've attempted to occasionally insert humor, but do not confused that with a lack of grave sincerity.

Age, race, gender, education, nationality are not important, as only your responses to the questions will be considered. Additionally, answers in other languages will be translated, but my own limitations mean this form is in English.

Only those whose answers most closely resemble mine will be contacted.  Please note that unless I cannot find a replacement, what you know as everything is in no immediate danger.

thank you, Sebastian
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What is your preferred name? *
This does not have to be your government sanctioned name.
What is your electronic mail address? *
while I will respond to all completed forms, your email will not be shared beyond these wires.
Are there other ways to contact you?
This might be important.
If you noticed a cancerous mole on the shoulder of someone sitting near you on public transport, which of the following actions would you take?
choose only one.
Clear selection
The earth as we know it will begin and end many times.
hint: think of the differences between augers and whales.
This has never happened
It is constantly happening.
Clear selection
Other than apples, what fruit most resembles hope?
the answer is never watermelons
If you found a box of metal hinges in a wheat field near harvest time, you would do the following:
check all that apply
A grocery store near your house is having a sale on breakfast cereals. The hobby store next door has run out of specialty dice, but has an overstock of scale replica airplanes. And while the parking lots trees are mature it appears the birds are avoiding them.
Please explain how all these events are related.
Do you have full  freedom of movement or have access to devices enabling basic tasks such as pressing and pulling?
Note: you will be asked to fight in a strength enhancing suit. So answer accordingly.
After buying an antique dictionary from the late 19th century, you find a tri-folded paper with a chemical equation and a recipe for some kind of vegetable filled pastry. The names of five of your childhood friends are hand-written on the back. And on arriving at home you notice the electrical service to your subdivision has been interrupted. What do you do first?
choose only one
Clear selection
Despite very windy conditions, you've noticed the clouds have stopped moving or changing and the sun appears to be setting at an unusually fast speed. At that moment, which of the following are actions you will take?
Please check the appropriate box.
blue
table
fire
Finding the closest and most complete arboretum as quickly as possible.
Submerging yourself in a nearby creek until the sun sets.
Under threat of violence or by bribery gather at least a hundred people into a circle in a sporting field and start jumping.
Press the button.
Take pictures, then take pictures of the pictures and then pictures of those pictures, continuously.
Crash the nearest cement truck into a newly opened home-wares store.
Clear selection
Think of five people important to human history. Now imagine being someone who briefly spoke to them. Name the objects in your pocket during each of those occasions.
List the historical figure and the objects in your pocket.
How would you describe the phrase "under the courageous stains of glass"?
choose only one
Clear selection
My aunt's sisters are the Wright Brothers, and your brother's sister was not right with your Aunt.
Even though it is not a question,  please answer this with a brief equation.
Think of an person you would regard as evil. Then think of this person crying while making Salmon cakes for the nicest person you know. As you imagine this, what kind of vehicle is in the driveway?
please be specific about the tires
You find a canoe in the desert covering wet sand.   Where do you stop on the way home?
choose only one.
Clear selection
Look around you, your immediate surroundings and detail below the location of the following objects.
create an imaginary compass and use directions for location
East.
South.
Northwest
Beneath you.
Not Present
Jar of smooth river rocks and change from foreign lands.
Capless pen from 4-star hotel.
Keys to box containing legal documents for adopting your cousin's two youngest children.
Dimes and only dimes.
Book that prominently features dragons, but not on the cover.
The nail clippings of angels on vacation.
Shoes with soles worn thin by escalators.
Paste in a plastic container.
Interruptions in consistent and continuous colour.
Clear selection
How many times have you lost  your keys?
If in single digits please use Spanish.
How frightened would you be to learn something frightening?
please consider such factors as self-tapping concrete screws when answering.
Anti-Scared
Dead
Clear selection
The Situation:   You are trapped in a southern town's drained olympic sized pool in the winter month of December. There are dozens of large birds, crows, hawks, eagles perched on a clothes line above you, but too far to reach. In your pocket you have some loose peanuts, a mirror, three rubber bands and sunglasses.
Please describe your plan to escape the pool.
Even though you always lock your house, each time you return from your temporary health fund administration job the door is open. And on the kitchen counter is a different used car part. This happens every day for nine years. Why is this happening?
choose only one.
Clear selection
Please solve the following equation: You have four semi-germinated tomato plants, but you can only carry two across the river, and  you can only cross once. The nearest bridge is ten miles downstream and you have a off-road bike with one gallon of gas. How do you get all four tomato plants on one side and you on the river's opposite bank.
please explain your answer in detail
If you are chosen as my replacement, which of the following would you be willing to do?
check all that apply
The scenario:  you know how to cure a fatal ailment infecting millions. You also know this cure will eventually lead to the extinction of plankton.  Which of the following actions do you take?
choose only one
Look up and write down the first word you see, followed by the number of electrical lights and the colour of any trim no longer gold.
be sure to check your answer for accuracy.
Which of the following organs or body parts are you missing?
this question is vital, so please answer accurately.
Place the following words into order of their importance:  caution, Jupiter, combustion, trees, sunglasses, questioning, magnetic, elephants, stretching
explaining your answer is not required, but recommended.
Please rate your fear of creatures you cannot see attacking you.
nor hear or smell.
Bladder Emptying Fear
Almost Enjoy it.
Clear selection
How would you describe the place between spaces, the unknowable region?
choose only one
Clear selection
Describe the meaning of the phrase "secretly celebrating the way blue saws free the bridge".
Answer in story form.
Are you allergic to cats, apples, sunlight, Nootropic drugs, Phytochemical implants?
list any other allergies
Record the level of your religious beliefs regarding the following matters.
applicable to all religions except those whose origins post-date 1800.
damned
purgatory
neutral
rapturous
heavenly
The eating of felines.
The manipulation of time, lives and magnetic fields via remote mechanisms.
Anonymous sexual encounters.
Mathematical prayers via sign language.
Erasing of life including religious figures and the societal memory of religious icons.
Clear selection
Scenario: It's one hundred and twenty-four years from today. An army of three thousand two hundred bionic bears is attacking the underwater city of New Oklahoma. The residents use hydro-crows loaded with paralysis spore bombs to disperse the bears into the deep ocean trenches. Once there, the bears light a sunstorm, which destroys most of the plankton fields of Europa. Solve this conflict using only time and gravity.  
while there is no correct answer, some are less likely to cause disconcerting aftereffects so answer very carefully.
Choose your favorites of the pet names below.
choose between four and nine
Describe a description.
Answers in Russian or Choctaw are encouraged.
Drawing from whatever you know of network systems security, which of the following options is most likely to cause a digitally generated mass hypnosis on gifted children and twins whose sibling has died.
choose only one.
Clear selection
Choose the most appropriate actions to take towards the following individuals.
Note: you wil not be caught by authorities nor will any records reflect your actions.
Give Them a Silver Watch
Teach Them Boat Karate
Make Them Remeber
Erase Their Numbers
Chase Them to Death
Honest Swedish Banker
Chemist for Coca-Cola
Thick Necked Bruiser
Pet Funeral Director
Drunken Salesperson
Mister Four Hats
Lincoln's Great-Grand Daughter
The Overly Cautious
Serial Killer of the Bad
Those too Rich for Kindness
Clear selection
Describe a situation where it would be necessary to flood a city large enough for a regional airport without warning the residents.
Be specific about the cause and the intended result.
How harmful or beneficial is the phrase "quick leaks forward into the roots of anchored horses"?
hint: think of the purpose of fire alarms in buildings without fire.
all matter collapsing
the continual birth of stars
Clear selection
Which of the following objects would you take on a two year journey through the mountains of Colorado?
Choose only one.
Explain why you chose the item above. And then explain why you disregarded your third choice.
In detail.
Solve the equation:  SPARSE STEPS divided by THE NUMBER OF TIMES YOU'VE BAKED BREAD plus THE NUMBER OF LOOSE RIVETS, then multiple that by the POUNDS OF INJURED ANIMALS YOU'VE CARRIED plus the YEAR YOU FIRST FELL IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF.
Choose only one.
Clear selection
Scenario: A meat-hobo has offered you his oily pouch for a chance to pull the levers on your machine. And while you will need the grease his pouch harbours, you cannot let the meat-hobo near your machine while the everything still exists. Describe in detail how you convince the meat-hobo to freely oil your machine with his pouch.
hint: violence only angers meat-hobos
Extraterrestrial beings offer to take you into the future ten thousand years and then return you to this time as a sentient tree. How many branches would you have?
think carefully and fully.
No Branches.
A Full Canopy.
Clear selection
Place yourself into as small and tight and dark and moist a space as is safely possible. Stay there for exactly twelve minutes and 15 seconds (please use a timer or watch with a timer). On leaving the space, immediately draw five pictures (detail is not important as long as the objects are identifiable). Which of the following objects did you draw (if any)?
Check all that apply.
If you were understood to slip, how far are the hatchlings thrown, their egg-shell wings crumbled and yearning.
Discuss this with yourself before answering as the answer is only TWO WORDS.
Ask someone, not a stranger and yet not someone whose name you know, to diagram their life-so-far in seven interconnected nodes. After asking at least twelve people, which of the following most closely resembles the most common node?
Choose only one.
Describe a moment or episode or encounter in your life or a life you've imagined or someone imagined for you where something you assumed was a mirage or hallucination was actually very real.
Vividly describe the something and situation without time being a vital element.
Given good health (outside of a very few rare conditions) and adequate financial support, how long would you be willing to live?
Please take this question seriously.
Do you win significantly more than you lose at games of chance?
games of chance are defined in the broadest possible terms.
Clear selection
Optional Questions.
Where are you from?
this question is optional
Are you....
or are you not
Clear selection
As only one of you will be chosen for my replacement, I am interested in how the rest of you view everything.
Write freely on everything and what you feel will improve everything.
In which of the following areas would you rather live?
Choose only one.
Clear selection
Can you operate machines in your sleep?
it is highly recommended you answer
Submit
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