The 5 steps are:1. Ask2. Tell them why3. Give options4. Confirm action5. Act
ASK:If you want someone to do something it is always better to ask them rather than tell them. So, if a bully is always picking on you ask them to stop! Example, "I'd really appreciate it if you stop calling me names".
TELL THEM WHY: They need to know WHAT'S IN IT FOR THEM. You need to give them an important reason for them to stop bullying them. Example "you would not want people calling you names so why do you call me names?".
GIVE OPTIONS: There are always positive and negative options. Always start with the positive options first. Don't threaten, use your mushin and pay attention to the tone and pitch of YOUR voice. Your goal here is to convince them to stop! Example: "Can we just stay away from each other so you can quit calling me names?"
CONFIRM ACTIONS: At this point, you are trying to get some final actions. You must ask this directly..."is there anything I can say or do to get you to stop calling me names? I'd like to think so."
ACT: By now you have exhausted all your verbal techniques for de-escalating the situation, so you need to take action. We will discuss action at length in the next module.