Better Boundaries Quiz
A fun way to quick-check your boundaries
My relationship with my phone could most accurately be described as:
Avoidant - I often have no idea where my phone is. I check it once a day, maybe.
Consistent - I'm in my inbox/social media every 15 minutes or so.
Constant - I see every notification immediately, and am often juggling from one task to the next.
Antagonistic - I find myself lost in a wormhole of social media, shopping, news, etc. and then uninstall/reinstall the apps to try to stop myself
So healthy. Really. I don't even understand why this is a question.
My relationship with email could most accurately be described as:
Overwhelming. I spend so much more time in my email than I want to.
Consuming. I fantasize about declaring email bankruptcy. I spend a lot of time worrying about the emails I have to respond to, and often find myself avoiding the inbox, and then deleting everything.
Super balanced. I only get as much email as I can manage, manage it well, and have very little emotion around it.
Erratic. I want to read it, take advantage of sales, stay connected to people, but I often feel that I'm a slave to the inbox.
How would you describe the balance of time in your life:
I have established the perfect balance of work, play, rest, community, and family time. I am a unicorn.
I feel obligated to the demands of my life, and am able to carve out time for my top priority (going to the gym, reading a book, taking a class, etc).
I am overwhelmed by the demands of my life and often feel resentful that I haven't been to a yoga class or read a book for fun in recent memory.
I feel guilty for taking time for myself, unless I have really earned it.
I have not experienced rest since 1982.
My financial story is best described as:
Exceptionally vigilant - I know where every penny goes, because every penny counts.
Modest. I have a good sense of where my money comes from and where it goes.
Embarrassing. I should know more about money in general and how to deal with it. I'm just pretending to be an adult.
If a friend confides in you that she is struggling financially you:
Empty your wallet and offer everything you've got.
Give lots of great advice - you've been so fortunate to really understand how money works, and you think she probably just doesn't know any better.
Tell her you're in the same boat.
Change the topic immediately - who talks about money?!
Tell her that it must be hard, and ask her if she's looking for advice or solidarity.
In my current (or most recent) partnership, when deciding where to eat, it was my choice ___ percent of the time.
If a friend, colleague, or partner asked me where I would like to go to dinner, I would:
Have a few answers ready to go
Ask a few questions about their needs, wants, and preferences first
Tell them wherever they want to go is fine
Tell them dinner is against my religion, diet, or that I already ate
If I were to go out to eat by myself, I would:
Go to a favorite (or new) restaurant
Select a favorite thing to eat at home or out in a beautiful place
Phone a friend for direction
Go home and forage
If I don't have an appointment to have dinner with someone else, I rarely remember to eat
When it comes to compromise...
I usually go with the other person. Why make waves?
Hope the other person presents an option I'm ok with
Spend a lot of time wondering if what I want would be acceptable to the other person, then limit my responses based on my best guess of what they want
Get what I want about 50% of the time
Compromise is for the weak – I always get what I want
When making an important decision, I usually
Go with my gut
Check in with my go-to person – s/he always knows what's best for me
Consult 2-3 people who have an expertise or intimate knowledge of the situation
Sift through social media in search of “a sign”
Buy a lot of Things in the Target dollar bin
When I think about visiting with my family of origin or in-laws I:
Invest a significant amount of time creating wild scenarios to avoid interacting as much as possible
Start brainstorming lies and distractions should I be questioned about the areas of my life I'd rather not discuss
Plan out where I will drink (or shop, avoid, or numb-out to the encounter)
Imagine all of the wonderful things we'll do together and the memories we'll make
If someone offers me advice when I haven't asked for it I:
Take it as a sign from the Universe/God and go with it
Let them talk, knowing I won't do what they are saying and plan to avoid future conversations about this topic
Tell them all of the reasons why they are wrong, and why their suggestions won't work
Kindly mention that I wasn't asking for their advice
Drop my phone in the toilet
When someone is flirting with me, and I'm not interested in them, I most often:
Flirt back and wonder what in the hell I'm doing
Veer the conversation towards my real (or imaginary) partner as a means to subtly let them know I'm off the market
Run away (literally)
Let them know I'm not interested
When I am making a new friend, or early in the dating process
I'll try anything they suggest – horseback riding, skydiving, board game conferences, football, whaling...
I try to like what they like and be agreeable, because that's the price of friendship/partnership
I try to convince them to like what I like
I introduce things I like and honestly consider their interests, comfortable to decline an invitation that I know is not for me. Certainly we can be friends and they can find someone else into The Butthole Surfers
After an appointment with my therapist, I usually feel:
Heard, seen, and like I have some good new tools and strategies to apply in my life
Like I was finally able to unload everything I've been storing up
Like I'm doing the right thing, because therapy is healthy, and it will eventually help. Right?
Like I am a lost cause, broken, and will need this shit forever because of how messed up I am
When I get a confusing text message that makes me angry, I usually
Fire back some witty, half-baked, and equally aggressive texts
Complain to sixteen other people about it without responding
Call a friend and ask for help
Drop my phone in the ocean and move to Portugal
Something I watch on Netflix
Something my friends are always in
The story of my life. No seriously, Game of Thrones has nothing on MY experience
An indication that something is moving in the wrong direction
Which word describes how you feel right now:
CONFUSED – I genuinely do not understand which are the “right” answers to a lot of these questions.
AWKWARD – I am so doing life wrong. I know I have some boundary things but sheesh. It's like you're in my head and I'm a little embarrassed.
AMUSED – I see a few of my own adorable habits in here, and I like the light-hearted approach. There is work to do, and I'm excited to do it.
Fill in the blank: "I'd like to get better at _______"
Anything you want to share with me?
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