The Blended Family Checklist
Blending Families Takes Intentionality. Every family is unique with different gifts, talents and needs. Creating a new family unit takes creativity, curiosity, acceptance of new ways of doing things, and lots of love.

Our Families are Our Tribe. Each member of the family has an inborn desire to feel like he or she has a place and belongs. It takes everyone in the family to make it work. And yet, each person often jumps on board the new family train at different times, in their own way and in their own time. Every family blending two or more family units together goes through a series of stages and transitions to create a new family structure. Four of the most common stages are described below. Which stage are you in?

The Four Blended Family Stages

Dream Stage: Sure, our family has some problems, but we’re in love and it’s meant to be – our new family will sail through this, we can do this. Really? We got this!

It Can’t Be True: Gosh, this is harder than we thought! Maybe our love is not enough. All this upset is affecting our relationship and the kids. We don’t quite know what to do. Maybe we need to check out getting some help before everything falls apart.

Rally the Troops: Oh Yeah! We need help with this blended family thing. We keep doing things the old way... It’s not working. We are ready for something NEW! We want help to figure out what is best for our unique relationship and our unique family needs.

We’re On Our Way: We have gotten some new battle rhythms and ways to relate, discipline and support the kids and each other. We want some back-up and a sanity check to keep it all going.

Now, find out just where you are....
Blending families is not a linear process. You may experience any of the Four Stages at different times in the life-cycle of becoming a new family unit. Take Heart! You can do this! You just need the right kind of supports in place.

Take the Blended Family Checklist to find out. Rate yourself:
1 - Never or almost never true for me
2 - Occasionally true for me
3 - Frequently true for me
4 - Nearly always true for me
5 - Always or nearly always true for me.

When you finish, slide the button where it says 'Send me a copy of my responses' to have your results sent to you.

Email address *
1. I feel like I have no room to fail at this. *
Never or almost never true for me.
Always or nearly always true for me.
2. The kids don't like each other. *
Never or almost never true for me.
Always or almost always true for me.
3. My kids don't feel like I love them anymore. *
Never or almost never true for me.
Always or almost always true for me.
4. The kids are saying they just hate being in this family. *
Never or almost never true for me.
Always or almost always true for me.
5. I'm afraid my kids won't like their "new" parent. *
Never or almost never true for me.
Always or almost always true for me.
6. I'm afraid my kids will like their "new" parent better than me. *
Never or almost never true for me.
Always or almost always true for me.
7. My kids don't like they have to share their bedrooms with someone else. *
Never or almost never true for me.
Always or almost always true for me.
8. I feel split between my loyalty for my kids and my loyalty for my new spouse. *
Never or almost never true for me.
Always or almost always true for me.
9. I know my way is right but my spouse insists we correct the kids in a different way. I don't know what to do. *
Never or almost never true for me.
Always or almost always true for me.
10. My spouse gives his/her kids more than s/he gives my kids - its too much. *
Never or almost never true for me.
Always or almost always true for me.
11. I'm scared to say it but I really don't like my "new" kids. *
Never or almost never true for me.
Always or almost always true for me.
12. The bickering and jealosy between the kids is driving me nuts. *
Never or almost never true for me.
Always or almost always true for me.
13. Everyone is so stressed out - I'm not sure what to do next. *
Never or almost never true for me.
Always or almost always true for me.
14. My spouse and my expectations about hanging out with friends and family is different than I thought it would be. *
Never or almost never true for me.
Always or nearly always true for me.
15. I'm scared to say it but I really don't like my spouse's family very much. *
Never or almost never true for me.
Always or nearly always true for me.
16. My spouse's family never gives us enough notice before they "drop in". It's driving me nuts. *
Never or almost never true for me.
Always or nearly always true for me.
17. How we spend the holidays is more different than I thought it would be. *
Never or almost never true for me.
Always or nearly always true for me.
18. My spouse is jealous of the relationship I have with my kids Mom / Dad. *
Never or almost never true for me.
Always or nearly always true for me.
19. My kids feel like my spouse is trying to replace their Mom / Dad. *
Never or almost never true for me.
Always or nearly always true for me.
20. It sometimes feels tough to agree on things to do together as a family. *
Never or almost never true for me.
Always or nearly always true for me.
21. I feel like no one is listening to each other. *
Never or almost never true for me.
Always or nearly always true for me.
22. I'm sick and tired of all the yelling. *
Never or almost never true for me.
Always or nearly always true for me.
23. I feel like no one is listening to me. *
Never or almost never true for me.
Always or nearly always true for me.
24. I never feel like I have enough time with my own kids anymore. *
Never or almost never true for me.
Always or nearly always true for me.
25. I never feel like I have time for myself anymore. *
Never or almost never true for me.
Always or nearly always true for me.
26. I'm scared I just don't know what to do sometimes. *
Never or almost never true for me.
Always or nearly always true for me.
27. I'm scared I seem to lose my temper more often than I should. *
Never or almost never true for me.
Always or nearly always true for me.
28. I feel like I never see my friends anymore - there's just so much to do. *
Never or almost never true for me.
Always or nearly always true for me.
29. I'm scared I can't keep up with everything - work, kids, after-school activities - how am I going to get it all done? *
Never or almost never true for me.
Always or nearly always true for me.
30. This new family was supposed to make it all better - why do I feel like it's all getting worse? *
Never or almost never true for me.
Always or nearly always true for me.
31. I feel like no one understands what I'm trying to say - what's the use? *
Never or almost never true for me.
Always or nearly always true for me.
32. My spouse and I have different ideas about chores for the kids and earning money. *
Never or almost never true for me.
Always or nearly always true for me.
33. I think we have too many pop-in visits from people I don't know. *
Never or almost never true for me.
Always or nearly always true for me.
34. I just wish everyone would just get along. *
Never or almost never true for me.
Always or nearly always true for me.
35. After everything I've been through I deserve the "perfect family". *
Never or almost never true for me.
Always or nearly always true for me.
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