While we all have the same relational needs, the priority of those needs is different for each person. Your greatest need may be for affection, while your partner’s greatest need maybe security. One child may have an acute need for comfort, but another sibling’s greatest need may be encouragement.

Appreciation may be at the top of the list for your next door neighbor, while your tennis buddy needs approval more than anything else.

An important aspect of learning to love others is taking the time to know them and to discover what their priority needs are. This questionnaire will help you assess your most important relational needs. Answer the questions, then score the questionnaire to identify which needs you perceived as most important. Have family members, friends, and ministry team members complete the questionnaire and then discuss the results.

(For a downloadable version, click here. To be a guest on our show, you must submit this to us, either by filling in the form below or scanning a copy and emailing the results back to us.)
Email address *
First Name *
It’s important that people receive me for who I am, even if I’m a little “different”. *
It’s important to me that my financial world be in order. *
I sometimes become “weary in doing well”. *
It’s vital to me that others ask me my opinion. *
It’s important that I receive physical hugs, warm embraces, etc. *
I feel good when someone “enters into my world.” *
It’s important for me to know “where I stand” with those who are in authority over me. *
It is meaningful when someone notices that I need help and then they offer to get involved. *
If I feel overwhelmed, I want someone to come alongside me and help. *
I feel blessed when someone recognizes and shows concern for how I’m feeling. *
I like to know if “who I am” is of value and is meaningful to others. *
It is important to me to express myself—what I think, feel, etc.—to those around me. *
It means a lot to me for loved ones to initiate saying to me, “I love you.” *
I resist being seen only as a part of a large group – my individuality is important. *
I am blessed when a friend calls to listen and encourage me. *
It’s important to me that people acknowledge me not just for what I do but for who I am. *
I feel best when my world is orderly and somewhat predictable. *
When I’ve worked hard on something, I am pleased when others express gratitude. *
When I “blow it,” it’s important to me to be reassured that I’m still loved. *
It’s encouraging to me that others notice my effort or accomplishments. *
I sometimes feel overwhelmed with all I have to do. *
I want to be treated with kindness and equality by all regardless of my race, gender, looks, or status. *
I like to be greeted with a handshake or other appropriate friendly touch. *
I like it when someone wants to spend time with me. *
I am blessed when a “superior” says, “Good job.” *
It’s important to me for someone to express care for me after I’ve had a hard day. *
When facing something difficult, I usually sense that I need other people’s input and help. *
Written notes and calls expressing sympathy after a serious loss or difficulty are (or would be) meaningful to me. *
I feel good when someone close to me shows satisfaction with the way I am. *
I enjoy being spoken of or mentioned in front of other people. *
I would be described as a person who likes hugs and/or other caring touch. *
When a decision is going to affect me, it’s important to me that I am involved in the decision. *
I am blessed when someone shows interest in what I’m working on. *
I appreciate trophies, plaques, or special gifts as permanent reminders of something significant I have done. *
I sometimes worry about the future. *
When I’m introduced into a new environment, I typically search for a group to connect with. *
The thought of change (moving, new job….etc.) produces anxiety for me. *
It bothers me when people are prejudiced against someone just because they dress or act differently. *
I want to be close to friends and loved ones who will be there “through thick and thin.” *
I am blessed by written notes and other specific expressions of gratitude. *
To know that someone is praying for me is meaningful to me. *
I am bothered by “controlling” people. *
I am blessed when I receive unmerited and spontaneous expressions of love. *
I am pleased when someone carefully listens to me. *
I am blessed when people commend me for a godly characteristic I exhibit. *
I typically don’t want to be alone when experiencing hurt and trouble. *
I don’t enjoy working on a project by myself; I prefer to have a partner. *
It’s important for me to feel a “part of the group.” *
I respond to someone who tries to understand me and who shows me loving concern. *
I would rather work with a team of people than by myself. *
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