Bully Busting 105- Working the crowd
A majority of the material contain herein comes from the Verbal Judo Institute.
Rarely does a bully confront you one on one. They usually have a buddy or two. They need their "friends" to perform in front of. I can remember my next door neighbor was "a great friend" to me until his older friends would come around. Then he would demonstrate how he could make me cry and would hit me as hard as he could. I would cry and run home. He achieved what he wanted to do, which was show off in front of his friends. He was the "tough guy" of the neighborhood (until I fought back and embarrassed him in front of them. I will discuss this more in a later module).
There is almost always a crowd of onlookers wanting to see what is going to happen. Too often these onlookers don't take action, even though they know that bullying is wrong. You must get them to come to your aid. This module gives you some tips how to use the crowd to your advantage. As with the other word blocks we have talked about, you HAVE TO KEEP YOUR ANGER UNDER CONTROL. Practice your what___________? (Mushin)
NOTE TO ONLOOKERS: you have three choices when you see someone get bullied. 1. Help the person being bullied by standing side by side with him/her. 2. Help the bully by doing nothing and "empowering" him/her to continue. 3. Go get help. Choices 1 and 3 are acceptable, number 2 is not. Remember, he/she may be bullying someone else now but you could easily be next! The only way to stop bullying is for everyone to get involved and let the bully know that their behavior is not acceptable.
To work the crowd, you need to take the spotlight off of YOU (the bullied) and shine it back onto THEM (the bully). Our goal is to have them back off and go away. Here is an example how to work the crowd. Bully Bob comes up and calls you fat. Your response is: "Are you calling me fat? Then Brenda must be fat, and Joey must be fat (point to Brenda and Joey when you are saying this to involve them). Is that what you are saying?" This response takes the spotlight off of you and PUTS THE GLARE BACK ON THE BULLY. More times than not, there is nothing left for the bully to do but to back down, drop it or walk away.
Write down something a bully has said to you when there was a crowd around.
Write down a word block that works the crowd in response to what you wrote down above. After you write this down practice it at least 10 times with a parent, brother, sister or a friend.
If you are a bystander and see someone getting bullied, what word blocks do you think you could use to stop the bully from bullying the kid? REMEMBER, YOU COULD BE NEXT!
DON'T FORGET, for ANY word block to be effective, it has to be like a reflex, it must be done swiftly and without a trace of anger or emotion.
Do you feel like you understand what we are trying to teach in "working the crowd"?
Phone number if you would like to discuss.
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