Modern Men and Masculinity Questionnaire (3MQ)
Some questions are multiple choice, others have tick-boxes, and still others ask for a few words. There are no 'required' responses. Please answer as many questions as you feel able to.
N.B. Choices marked "Other' allow for you to comment or add a more exact response.
19 or Under
Transgender (Female to Male)
First Nation/Native American/Inuit
Spiritual not Religious
High School/ Secondary School
State School (US Public School)
Private School (UK Public or Boarding School)
Post Graduate School
MBA Exec., MBA, etc..
Family of Origin
Home, Background, Parents, Siblings, etc.
Many of us grow up in conventional families - others do not. Please specify
Were you an only child?
My upbringing was...
My Father was/is:
My Mother was/is
Please write a sentence describing any brothers and sisters you may have had.
Did you have any step parents? If so, please write five words to describe them.
Did you have step siblings? If so please write five words to describe them
Were there any other significant relatives at home when you were growing up?
Isolation is a growing factor in men's lives and friendships can make a big difference.
When it comes to friends I have...
Not many friends
A few close friends
My friends tend to be
Men/people of my own age
Of all types, classes and ages
Health and Wellbeing
Regarding my health I would say...
I'm remarkably fit and healthy
I take good care of my self
I occasionally feel run-down and below par.
I take regular medication
I'm not as healthy as I would like to be.
I've not been taking care of myself
I'm really not very well
I am seriously ill and under medical supervision
I have an on-going illness/condition
I have undiagnosed health issues
When I get physically sick I...
Contact a doctor immediately.
Imagine the worst but do nothing.
Ignore it and hope it will go away
Visit an alternative/complementary practitioner.
Dose myself with traditional remedies.
Leave it and let nature take its course.
Speak to a pharmacist
Look up my symptoms online
Call a helpline
Regarding my mental health
I have had mental health issues, but I'm okay now.
I am wrestling with long-term mental health issues
Sometimes things get on top of me.
My family has a history of mental illness
I am depressed.
I have been diagnosed with a recognised mental illness
I have been hospitalised/sectioned for mental health issues
I am under great stress at work/home
I'm taking medication and feel pretty good.
I'm taking medication and feel bad much of the time
I'm seeing a psychotherapist, counsellor, psychiatrist
I have considered suicide
I have attempted suicide
I am experiencing or have experienced/ PTSD
I feel most relaxed or comfortable when...
I am on my own.
I'm with my family/friends
I am engaged in my work/art
I'm engaged in a hobby, sport, recreational activity
I'm out in nature
I'm in a group (mixed)
I'm in a group (of men)
I'm in a team/platoon/gang
Solitude, loneliness & Isolation
I enjoy my own company
I feel cut off from people at work
I make sure I get the human touch/contact I need.
It feels like I have no one to talk to.
I crave the society of women
I yearn for the company of men.
I try to be independent. I don't want to bother anyone
I feel closer to nature/animals/pets than to people
I have the support of a mentor and/or I have a me's group
Fitness & Exercise
I am a professional athlete or sportsman
I play sports and take regular exercise
I work out three or more days a week
My work involves hard physical activity
I do yoga/Tai Chi/Ji Qong/etc..
I work out or take exercise when I can
I walk/row/jog/cycle/ride occasionally
I do martial arts
I never work out but I'm fairly fit
I end up breathless when I go up stairs
I like extreme sports
I'm a couch potato and proud of it
Food & Nutrition
I eat a healthy well-balanced diet.
I eat badly/unhealthily.
I am obese/overweight
I am seriously underweight.
I am slightly overweight.
I am about right for my height and age.
I am often on a diet.
A follow a food regime/protocol.
I fast occasionally.
I fast regularly.
I take supplements and vitamins.
I can and do eat anything.
I have allergies and food intolerances.
I have an eating disorder (Over-eater/Anorexic/Bulimic)
Self & Body
I like what I see in the mirror
I'm a good looking/handsome man.
It doesn't matter what I look like as long as I'm clean.
I am proud of my body.
I spend money on hairdressing and grooming. I want to look good.
I have a bashful bladder (find it difficult to urinate near others).
I am ashamed of my body.
I'm letting myself go.
I don't like being naked in front of other men.
I worry about the size of my penis.
I have tattoos and piercings.
I have a beard/moustache.
I shave/wax my body hair regularly.
Men and Feelings
Which of the following apply to you?
I am emotionally literate.
I am uncomfortable with expressing feelings in public.
Big boys don't cry.
Fear and anger are bad feelings, joy and happiness are good.
I express my feelings freely and openly.
I am stoical and unemotional.
Just because I don't express an emotion, doesn't mean I don't feel it.
If I stay with a feeling it passes like a wave.
Most of the time I don't feel anything
I never get angry
I feel angry occasionally and express it easily
If I ever got really angry there would be terrible consequences
I often get irritated /pissed off
I tend to get angry with those I love
I have occasionally experienced full-on rage
My anger scares me
I keep my anger under control
My anger has got me into serious trouble
Anger is bad
I never feel any fear
I acknowledge my fears and get on with things
I am often fearful
I get worried now and again
I get scared for my children/loved ones
I worry about the state of the world
I'm a happy-go-lucky sort of man
When I feel afraid I mask it with a grin/grimace/smile
Showing fear is unmanly
Grief & Sadness
I never feel sad
If I ever let the dam burst we'd all be swept away
I feel a huge well of sadness sometimes
I never cry
When I feel sad I keep myself busy
I cry regularly and that's okay
I've been in grief for a long time
I feel better after I've had a good cry
When I see men cry I get angry/embarrassed
I'm just sad a lot of the time
I have wept tears of joy
I laugh at the silliest things
I am a serious kind of guy
I like to tell jokes/have a good laugh
I find it hard to crack a smile
I giggle on serious occasions and just can't stop
There are days when I feel really happy
When I start to laugh I find it hard to stop
I'm sometimes feel embarrassed to feel so happy
I never feel happy
Shame & Guilt
I feel okay about myself most of the time
I struggle with feelings of shame
At times I hate myself
I have done some bad things but I'm okay
Sometimes I don't like the man I see in the mirror
I feel guilty about what I have done to others
I am bashful and blush easily
I sometimes feel bad around other men/people
I sometimes find it hard to look others in the eye
I feel guilt about the things I've done
As we grow up, we are often told what makes a real man. In the twenty-first century the following statements may or may not be true for you. Which ones do you agree or disagree with?
A real man is a provider and achiever
A real man is curious and keen to learn
A real man can handle himself in a fight
A real man is always polite and respectful
A real man can hold his drink
A real man has integrity and speaks his truth
A real man is a skilful and confident lover
A real man is sensitive, caring and compassionate
A real man is popular and tells a great joke
A real man is a generous and loyal friend
Sex 'n' Drugs 'n' Rock 'n' Roll
We live in a complicated world and many men are drawn to different substances and behaviours. It gets us out of ourselves - and sometimes helps us to manage, or self-medicate difficult feelings.
I drink alcohol
I take recreational drugs
Do you have, or have you ever, had a problem with any of the following...
Have you ever sought help for, or been in recovery from an addiction.
Men & Conflict
Conflict has long been a traditional part of men's lives. It can be seen to give us status and a sense of who we are.
Which, if any, of the following apply to you
I experienced violence at home, growing up.
I received corporal punishment as a boy.
I experienced violence/bullying at school.
I have been the victim of violence on the streets/in public
I have been the victim of violence in the home.
I have experienced violence at a social/family event.
I have been violent towards a spouse/partner/loved one.
I have been violent towards others
I serve/have served in the armed forces/military.
I have been under fire in a war-zone.
I have been shot/stabbed/blown-up or wounded.
I sometimes/often/always carry a knife.
I possess a gun and would be prepared to use it.
In the course of my life, I have been physically injured or wounded
Men & The Law
Have you ever attended a criminal court?
As a victim
As a witness
As a defendant/perpetrator
As a juror
As a legal professional
Have you ever been convicted of a crime?
Have you ever served time in a prison or young offenders institution?
Men & Work
What is your primary occupation?
White collar (office worker, managerial, executive_
Blue collar (manual labourer, farm/factory worker, etc)
Professional (legal, medical, accountancy, etc)
Education (teacher, professor, etc)
Cleric (churchman, priest, mullah, pujari, etc)
Kinds of work
One job/single occupation
Part time work
Contract work/project work
Portfolio of jobs
What recreational activities do you engage in?
Gardening, Household/DIY, etc
Nature - walking, hunting, fishing, mountaineering, etc
Activism, politics, charities social issues
Social support (youth work, sports coaching, etc)
Mentoring - Have you ever been supported by or supported another man?
I am/have been a mentor
I have been mentored
I have been a 12 Step sponsor
I am/have been a sports coach
Men & Community
From gangs to masonic lodges, men have traditionally gathered for mutual support, personal growth and networking in fraternal organisations and groupings.
I am or have been affiliated to the following men's organisations, associations and groupings
Buffaloes, Elks, Knights of Columbus, etc
Oddfellows, Water Rats, Rotary Club, Lions,
Mythopoetic/ritual men's group, I group, Men's Shed
Working Men's/Trades & Labour Club,
Black men's group (100 Black Men of London, My Brother's Keeper, BAATN, etc)
Father's rights/men's rights group.
Trades Union, Craftsman's/artists guild,
YMCA, B'nai B'rith, Orange Order, other religious grouping
Proud Boys, Rise Above Movement
White Ribbon Campaign, Good Men Project
Political and Social Concerns... I am worried about...
The political situation at home and abroad
The rise of social and political intolerance
The growth of knife crime among young men (UK)
Mass shootings in schools and public spaces (US)
Financial and political uncertainly
Mass migration and immigration
Discrimination against minorities
Climate change & global warming
Mass extinction of species & the degradation of the environment
The breakdown of politics and the rise of authoritarianism
I'm worried about none of the above
Men & Sex
Please be assured that this is an anonymous questionnaire and answer as many questions as you feel able to. Your answers will help in informing and enlightening other men.
Each section below has an 'other' box in which you can add a short clarification, if you wish.
Only acceptable within the sacrament of marriage
A pleasurable recreational activity
Only to be engaged in for the purpose of procreation
For those who are in love and prepared to be faithful to each other
A fun activity best performed safely, with care and respect
A necessary way of releasing sexual tension or pressure
About getting what you want - anything goes
An essential act of human growth and potential
An act of power, possession or dominance
Which gender do you prefer to have sex with?
Prefer not to say
Which gender do you fantasise about having sex with?
Prefer not to say
My fantasies can switch/move around
What is the preferred age of your sexual partner(s)?
Much older than me
Same age (approx)
In your fantasies, what is the preferred age of your sexual partner(s)?
Same age (approx)