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From Conflict to Christ
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1.  Read Prov 18:17.  Describe the situation that provoked you to conflict as objectively as you can without attacking any involved.  What were your major concerns with this person’s actions or words.  We must remember we are commanded not to judge (1 Cor 4:5) slander (Eph 4:31) or attack (Eph 4:29) as we clarify our concerns and seek to be motivated primarily out of love for God and others? (Eph 4:15).   *
2.  Read Matt 7:1-5, Rom 12:17-18; Rom 14:13.  Now describe your actions and words (i.e. response) that were most upsetting to the other person and hostile to God.  What are his/her major concerns with you and your actions? *
3.  Read James 4:1-4; Prov 13:10; Luke 18:9-14  Describe any selfish desire and proud beliefs that you brought to the conflict or are having now?   (What were your self-centered concerns, fears, complaints, desires, worries, goals, etc. What were some proud beliefs that justified those self-centered desires?) *
4.   Read Phil 2:3-16;  Rom 12:10; Eph 4:15; Prov 15:28; Prov 16:21.  Based on Christ’s humility and trust in God to “exalt Him”, how would Jesus have responded differently than you did to the other person and their concerns or desires?  (Think through both your actions during the conflict and action prior to the conflict -  things that you were or were not doing for the past few days, weeks, months, etc that would have provoked concern in the other person - conversations, use of time, your focus, your handling of responsibilities and relationships - examine the entire “film” of your life in the conflict not just your “snapshots” etc.  We are to clothe ourselves in humility all the time, not just in conflict.) *
5.  Based on 1 Pet 5:6-7; Rom 14:10-12; Heb 12:2, Prov 3:5-6; James 1:19-20 .  Why would he have responded this way?  (What would he have believed and expected that would have motivated him to do these things?) *
6.  Read Matt 5:23-24, 1 Jn 1:9, and Prov 28:13.  Do you need to seek forgiveness for anything? To whom do you need to go?  Will you prayerfully review this sheet next time you are in conflict and submit to the mind of Christ?  (If not, you are not ready to seek forgiveness because you do not really want to do the work necessary to change.) *
7.  Read Rom 12:18; Ephesians 5:15-17; Prov 6:11; Prov 24:34; Prov 21:5. What are the common circumstances or topics of conversation in which the conflict occurs? (i.e. Work/chores, future plans, use of time, care of body, spiritual life, friendships, children issues, education, extended family relationships, money, social activities, communication, etc.) How could you, in humility of mind, help prevent these circumstances or topics from being problematic? Is there a pattern of sinful neglect or irresponsibility in specific areas of your life that contributes to the occurrence of these conflict-ripe circumstances? How can you become biblically proactive in these areas as a part of your plan of change in your current systemic marital conflict? *
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