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 Session 6 Questions - Conflict
Answer the questions below, which can also be found in your Couples Workbook on pages 49- 57. Reflect on how these questions pertain to your relationship and next steps moving forward. Remember, there are no right or wrong answers here!
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Your Name & Spouse's Name
Selfie Survey Questions
Questions 1-5 found on pages 49-51 in your Couples Workbook.
1. If you'd somehow managed to record a home video of your parents handling conflict with each other when you were growing up, which of the following would make a good title for the resulting movie? Why? (answer "why" in the space for "other") *
Required
2. Which of the following do you think are healthy for spouses? Why? (answer "why" in the space for "other") *
Required
3. In no more than 20 words, how would you explain to an extraterrestrial what "fighting" looks like in a marriage? *
4. Which of the following statements do you think are true? Why? (answer "why" in the space for "other") *
Required
WeTube Questions
Questions 1-10 found on pages 51-55 in the Couples Workbook.
1. All of the real-life couples and the experts in the video session said that conflict is inevitable--that it's an unavoidable and certain part of your marriage. How does this reality make you feel? Why? (answer "why" in the space for "other") *
2. Write down as many words as you can that come to mind when you hear the word conflict. Are the words you listed more positive or negative? How did growing up in your family shape the way you view conflict? What are some words that you hope will describe conflict in your marriage? *
3. In the video, John Trent paraphrased a passage from C.S. Lewis's classic work Mere Christianity: "This then is the great secret. Good and evil both grow at compound interest. That is why the small things you do each day are of such infinite importance. It is the small things that will turn you into either a heavenly or a hellish creature," How might small frustrations and hurts become major problems down the road in your marriage? Why does "keeping short accounts" have to do with conflict in your relationship? *
4. Why do you suppose we usually hear so much more about the downside or negative aspects of conflict than the positive aspects? Proverbs 27:17 says, "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another" (niv). What does this verse say about conflict? Which of the following are potential benefits of healthy conflict in your marriage? (see your book p. 53 for a list) *
5. If you'd grown up as a fictional family member on one of the following TV shows, how would you probably be handling conflict these days? How does that compare with the way your parents handled disagreements? *
6.  You heard the Smalley's say, "Conflict is good; combat is bad." What do you think they meant? What would be some examples of healthy and unhealthy ways of handling conflict? *
7. The Smalleys say that when you get frustrated, hurt, upset, or angry--when you experience conflict--your heart closes like a roly-poly bug. How could your fiance(e) tell if your heart was shut down like that bug; what would be some of the signs? *
8. Dr. John Trent said, "The stronger person should initiate peace in the relationship," and he likens this to Romans 5:8, "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (niv). What do you think about this idea of the stronger person initiating peace? How might you act as the stronger person during conflict? *
9. The Smalleys talked about the importance of taking a "time-out" to open your heart. Talk about how you will communicate to your future spouse that you need to take a time-out. Then, once you are in a time-out, what are some things that help you to calm down and get your heart open (prayer, listening to music, exercising, breathing, cleaning, etc.)? Make a commitment to respect each other when someone needs a time-out.  Finally, make a rule that whoever calls the time-out must get you back together to talk when both hearts are open. *
10. If conflict in marriage is normal, and couples such as the Smalleys have learned to survive and manage and even benefit from it, why might it still feel scary to you right now? What kind of help would you like to ask God for as you face your own rough patches? *
Next Steps
After answering the session questions above, read pages 55-57 for App(lication) and FaceTheBook to take things personally and to dig deeper with Ready to Wed.
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