INTRODUCTION/WARNING
THIS DOCUMENT WILL COVER VERY SERIOUS TOPICS WHICH WILL BE TAGGED BEFORE EACH AFFECTED SEGMENT BEGINS. ONLY READ IF YOU ARE IN A SAFE MENTAL SPACE TO DO SO. THIS DOCUMENT ALSO COVERS 18+ RELATED TALK BUT WILL NOT BE IN DEPTH THE BEST I CAN.
This is about primarily Barbiespace and partially CCheesesticks (As pictured below as taken before November 29th at Noon.)
For the sake of this document, you will know me as Kri as that is the name mostly used by the individuals mentioned within here. For privacy sake, I will not name any headmates that fronted during these interactions or anyone else involved beyond letters/titles. Do not attempt to find and/or harass these unrelated people please. With Barbie and Cheddar, please do not go after/attack them (this ESPECIALLY includes doxxing their location) as I elaborate further why below.
This document was created with not the intent to defame and destroy any careers, but to keep not only people they are friends with safe- but also to give light to something I’ve had to come to terms with post relationship. All screenshots (like DMs) will be in a google drive labeled appropriately if there’s too many (beyond at least 5 or are too large in text). Some screenshots have also been edited in order to leave out unrelated text. (I will clarify when it has and what specifically was left out in smaller text.)
More on myself that will me mentioned throughout the document:
I met them both when I was 20. (to a degree freshly 20 as my birthday is in December and we got together in April.) I am Agender and use mainly They/It/He (in order of preference.) while in person I used He/Him for simplicity sake. Technically I am transmasc but I am NOT a transman. I also, for the sake of this document, am a system with BPD. I also, before meeting Barbie and Cheddar, never used any form of substances before. This includes weed and alcohol.
And before I properly begin, I know Barbie and Cheddar are going to see this. This paragraph is for them both.
I want you both to understand that I… didn’t want to make this document at all? Actually I planned to end things off on the note that I did and relax with me writing out my feelings. But considering what I was told and remembered, I would feel wrong to not speak up about what happened to me. I cannot pretend and say I know 100% good will come from this. I have no idea what will happen but I believe this is for the best. Especially for those who are in/will be in a relationship with you both. I know regardless you will assume the worse of me but I feel like I still have the right to speak up.
This paragraph above was written before what happened on the 29th of November. I’m keeping it as what is said is still true. But I have become much more firm in what I believe in.
Let’s begin.
Relationship (From Start to Finish.)
Background (Pre-June)
In the beginning of the year (March time), I hadn’t properly met Barbiespace beyond some very minor interactions. Below are just 2 examples via my media tab on Twitter.
Evidence 1 and Evidence 2
In fact, the reason why I met it formally was because of an individual named “StixnFix”. Now unfortunately I do not have a proper document on them but it must be known Stix is someone who’s genuinely bad. Someone did make a document on them however which I encourage you read after this if you’d like further context.
That said, I met Barbie (and by extension Cheddar) through them on VRChat. Unfortunately I have nothing to prove anything happened within VRChat as… why would you record those instances? But I do have what I have from various other sources.
Regardless, I met them and three other individuals. It is up to them if they wish / are okay with being named but for context sake, I will label them as E, M, and G.
I met E earlier on in the VRChat Phighting Lobby. Now I cannot properly remember exact dates as a lot of our interactions were, again, on VRChat itself. But I met E and Stix which allowed me contact with Barbie, Cheddar, M, and G. For a good while, everyone was slowly being brought together into a poly. I was the last one to be pulled in via E and M.
To keep things simple as I do not really want this to be specifically about that poly and what happened BUT I must note that a lot of the arguments correlate with what I say here. (Also if they end up speaking out, I will put it here as a link.)
It’s been noted down by Cheddar we began to date on April 27th of this year and I will hold it to that date.
Also please note before this point it ONLY had Barbie in the description. I don’t have anything screenshot wise beyond what you can see currently on Cheddar’s profile on Twitter and such.
Everyone else began to date much earlier on than I did and again, I was the last person to join. This said, there’s not a lot to properly note within this time besides that a lot of issues occurred. Again, I mention the poly solely for some minor context within some of the later months.
Something to note also in this time, an individual whom will be important much later had drama with me. Without getting too far into it, it involved blatant lying on being doxxed and sent rape threats. Will be referred to as C when needed. Despite it, much later on we reconciled and apologized to each other to forgive and forget. Please note this for later.
Beyond that, another thing to note is that me and Barbie found out we live near each other in our state. (For my sake I will not say which state in this document.)
This is when I and Barbie got to meet each other in person for the first time.
June 5th (and somewhat beyond.)
Warning: This section will deal with substance use (weed) as well as Sexual Assault (via coercion).
We met in June on the 5th until the 10th. (Based on Google Search History as well as dms.)
At this time, Cheddar was not there physically and everyone was mainly able to speak to us via Discord. Specifically this was my first time using weed as well as having sex, to be blunt. I hate to admit that but it’s important to what is going to be talked about here. For the most part, everything was nice. We went out to several different places (local restaurants, the park, etc) and had fun with it all. I won’t deny, for a good portion of that visit I was happy. However, a lot of that sort of overshadowed what happened to me.
The second night, there was a period where I was ingesting a lot more weed than I should have. At least, from what I can remember before the high, 2 hitters, a full gummy (around 50 mg?), and a hit from one of the vapes at the time. Eventually the high started to hit and we began to settle in for the night. (proof for this is a note used when the weed made a headmate go nonverbal and had to have a now dormant alter switch in.)
This is where things become hazier due to how high I was and unfortunately also when the S/A occurred. From what I can remember, we were on a discord call watching Animator VS Minecraft and cuddling in bed. (The only scenes I remember vividly is one with Blue first in the Nether, the other the ending of AVM S3 with King Orange)
Something ended up happening where I was becoming completely detached from my own body where it was dark and very very numb. The only thing I can feel in that period was what I can best describe as static (which later on I learned is how I feel skin contact when high). It kept getting more and more hazy as I felt myself sort of leaning into this “nice” feeling.
Which this, several months later, was what I can only assume was some form of external stimulation. What happened specifically, I still don’t know.
Then after a good while, I ended up jumping back and away from Barbie. I ended up having an entire freakout and crying to Barbie- basically begging if anyone else knew and to tell them. And also asking if anything was used on me (like a vibrator) and what was happening to me. Everything else is gone to me until after the entire thing was over.
What I remember then is much later, I asked for water to calm down more properly and get the cotton mouth feeling away. It’s still very hazy in terms of specific words but Barbie had mentioned something about bodies doing as they do as well as:
“If I did hurt you, then I’m sorry. You don’t have to forgive me.”
There were also other things said in relation that night. But it’s fully lost to me at this point.
The only proof I have as to this are search results when I was in the episode as well as later on when it was talked about verbally when I was sober(? I was high most of the time there anyways.)
(Times are reversed so the furthest down is earlier on in the night.)
Again, for the rest of my time with Barbie, it was normal before/beyond this moment until later on.
Important Sidenote
Unfortunately, due to something that will be mentioned later on, I have to specifically mention something that is both important to what happened above- and for MUCH LATER things.
Barbie constantly is high (as seen via description on VRChat) but is able to do high amounts of weed. It is to the point that me and at least one other were told not to eat if we want to keep our high. Which I believe, with what I will speak on in the end, is why June 6th went the way it did.
Leading up to September 13th.
This section is short but it’s to provide proper context and whatnot for what happened on the birthday. Specifically, this section is to elaborate on finances as well as the introduction of Cheddar physically.
Up until around the end of June, when Cheddar is flown in. I helped them both get home and it was mostly an okay time as well.
Evidence also yes that’s a photo of us three. I didn’t know a photo was going to be attached but regardless not the point.
Between June and July (specifically the 4th), I had asked verbally when I can get some help with gas money. There was I think one occurrence where I managed to get help via physical money. I mentioned it every so often with no clear response of when. Also I should note, a lot of the money I used was from my savings account. I started with around 900 dollars in total. This is important for later.
(Also noting that part of these payments are not related to what happened. The ones that are IMPORTANT are July 5th (the last major transfer I got to do), July 11th IIRC, August 19th, and the rest will be shown later.)
I should also note, after what happened on June 6th, towards the end of August time was when the poly started to really fall apart. A lot of stress was on everyone and in general, was just straight ass. I won’t get into it, but it had caused stress for Me, Barbie, and Cheddar on 4th of July.
Previously mentioned, the individual I had issues with (we will dub them C), had apparently gotten into recontact with Cheddar at this time in August. This is also important for later again.
Beyond that, it’s been visits on and off. About once or twice a month with more time spent online via Discord, VRChat, what have you.
September 11th - 14th
Up until this point, all of the visits had been at Barbie’s place because I am the only one of us three with a car. However, within a call it was mentioned by me that they should come to where I live in order for Barbie’s birthday to be stress free and for fun! Here are posts to confirm they were with me as well as context underneath.
Evidence, this was when Barbie and Cheddar was coming over to my place.
Evidence, these are of Barbie’s Bive and My Tamari, Jax, and Mariyam in my living room.
Evidence 1 and Evidence 2, self explanatory.
During those days, I had pulled a good decent amount from my savings account not only for gas but for everything bought and used. Thankfully I did use my food stamps to lighten the blow but I still spent a good chunk on both myself and Barbie / Cheddar. Specifically, there was a restaurant I took them to where it was over 70 dollars. They told me they’d get me money later to help lighten the load. (In addition to the gas money previously mentioned.) There was also an air mattress I ended up buying as well but that is a purchase I was fine with making. Purchases below.
Me also mentioning the money problem.
I also helped them buy weed in my area (which you can see in this drive folder here.) with information prior to arriving. That said, however, there was a specific night I have to point out since I still am wrapping my head around whether or not it was okay. I only note it here as it still is important for clarification later on despite this fact.
Warning: This section will deal with substance use (Weed + Alcohol) as well as potentially dubious consent.
To clarify, I have never drank before in my life. The same with weed, I never have used substances before this relationship.
But Barbie, on his birthday, wanted to attend a VRChat Club called Pandorum. Not problematic. Barbie did ask, however, if it can bring/buy drinks. I didn’t see this as an issue at the time as I was just happy to have them there. We went to the local walmart near my house and bought some cheap whiskey. Barbie had to use Cheddar’s card (IIRC) as I, at the time, wasn’t 21 and Cheddar couldn’t due to private reasons.
Me and Cheddar ended up buying cranberry juice and some other things with my food stamps/card. I believe this was the day prior to the actual day, as on the 13th, we went to the mall despite me staying up all night.
When we got home from the mall, I ended up passing out with a weed gummy eaten. Managed to wake up in time for Pandorum as it starts around 10 pm CST. This is when, again, things get hazy as drinking was involved.
Me and Cheddar kept to a cranberry-whiskey mix while Barbie drank these tiny 99 cent shots. (I remember drinking a small lick before recoiling at how bad it tasted.)
Barbie used my Oculus 2 and PC to be on PC VR while Cheddar joined via their Oculus 2 that was brought along. For myself, I sat on the floor and watched the monitor at the club while drinking the whiskey. I ended up excusing myself quietly as something ended up upsetting me and I went to the bedroom to drink more of my cup. I also remember sort of stumbling at this point despite the cup being half empty.
One of the last things I can remember clearly was Cheddar checking on me in the dark before letting me be. The rest is, again, fragmented but I will do my best to pull it together to be coherent.
Part of it was, to be blunt, a threesome to a degree. To a degree as I didn’t have a direct hand in any actual genital happening but I did end up doing other things (that I’ve said verbally before I wasn’t fully comfortable doing.)
Not getting into it further but there was some form of asking for consent between all of us. I don’t remember if I agreed or not to join later on. Really I only said it was alright for Cheddar and Barbie to have sex in my room and I can be nearby. Then beyond that, I joined and it ended with me cuddling Cheddar in my bed while Barbie stayed on the air mattress.
Evidence for at least the plan for it to happen (not this specifically) during the visit is in this drive. Also some context important for later.
The reason why I mention this instance was the fact I ended up isolating/third wheeling which is a theme that happens a lot. I didn’t bother to say anything as I thought this was normal. I ended up staying most of the day on the 14th with them at the pride event but again. I was third wheeling for the most part. Also this instance helped me realize way later on the entire reason why this document is being made.
October 11 and 12th (Money Related)
Another visit where the money issue becomes MUCH more prevalent now. At this point, my savings account was around the 200s which was whatever. I came to visit Barbie once more but this time for a theater related thing!
Evidence 1, I was not able to find the other post where Barbie spoke again about the musical.
Also another confirmation, they left a pillow at my house from the previous visit which I hadn’t had time to bring it over due to lack of money.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t stay over at their house due a previous ongoing issue. Me and Barbie had to try and find a hotel in the area that was the cheapest and safest. Unfortunately again, the cheapest option was at 150 dollars, at LEAST. Barbie did help with physical money and we negotiated it so I paid around 90 dollars and him 60.
(Evidence for the hotel here.)
Although, when we got to the hotel, they had said the 60 wouldn’t be applied right away and I’d have to pay in full when we checked out. Thought it was fine and had a pretty alright night! Bought snacks, got intoxicated (seen below part of the conversation), it was fun.
Only part of the conversation is shown as the rest is omitted for privacy reasons.
Until the next day. They had asked me to get them Wendy’s for the Krabby Patty meal, which I was somewhat weary on but oh well. Ended up finding out, in the car on the way, my account was in the negatives.
I found out because my Aunt had gotten word from my father who still had access and was worried. (Some text has been left out for privacy's sake for my family. I do not want my family involved at all. Fucking period. This is for proof sake only.)
Left - My Aunt
Right - My Dad (with texts omitting personal information on other family members and unrelated things.)
Unfortunately I do not have a proper screenshot of the negative bank account as at this time, it had been nullified to be seen as normal. As seen below.
With that in mind, Barbie and Cheddar did pay for the Wendy’s meal via the app when we stopped at their house to drop everything off. Ended up driving home and that was that really.
Proof we did visit.
Part of October (Cheddar’s Side of Things)
This is the section where Cheddar is the most prevalent now. I also will now mention, I have BPD. Full stop. I have been medically recognized by two different mental health professionals (though later in the November section you will see I say instead “unofficially diagnosed” in place) and I don’t tend to talk about my appointments specifically. What I keep private is what I keep private, regardless of relationships. This is important to be aware of when proceeding, as well as with the warning above.
I will mention as well, this is where screenshots are not as needed to be in drive folders as a heads up.
Previously, there were around 2-3 servers me, Barbie, and Cheddar were in to talk in. Both to the other polycule members as well as friends. Unfortunately, one server got nuked and the other abandoned (related to poly drama as well as Stix and C mentioned.)
Cheddar decided to create a server where around 15ish people were invited to talk in. The server was created on the 6th of October and I was late to the server by being invited on the 9th. (According to DMs)
This becomes also where I see C once more and very very close to Cheddar. Specifically both in VCs and also within VRChat. Of course, I didn’t say anything as I wanted what was best for both Cheddar and Barbie’s happiness.
Also some screenshot quality may go down as I had forgot to censor the name in some of them. I apologize for this.
Which resulted in a conversation on the 15th regarding C and Cheddar’s relationship.
To simplify what is in the drive, I was asked if C and Cheddar can date. I told Cheddar to give me time to think on it (considering previous issues as well as the growing isolation/third wheeling). Unfortunately that was not respected at all. Several times they had been seen together and acting borderline romantic (in calls, VRChat, and what not).
Even at the start, someone who only just met C, had thought they and Cheddar were dating from how close they acted. Which I will admit, within the dms on the 23rd, I did fuck up communicating. I struggle to properly express my words and I tend to get misinterpreted. But I feel this was still wrong in a way.
The conversation on the 23rd, regarding this again.
Another TDLR; I asked Cheddar if C was better than me due to how I felt replaced by them. We discuss and it ended up being a nullified conversation due to everyone being tired. This is the first instance of them saying something about my BPD.
On the 26th, we have two things to note. Both are important as it helps clarify further the theme of thirdwheeling. Earlier on in the day, I was assisting a friend with something when C had jumped in and interrupted without properly asking what was said prior. Me and this person (as well as a few others) have been talking as I had pushed myself to be more active within the friend server.
What is censored is how C jumped into the VC with no context and really caused issues for my friend here. I was rightfully upset because they didn’t listen to me until I raised my voice.
There was an event at Pandorum where it was somewhat server exclusive. It was deemed a prom night where people within the server would bring a “plus one” and allowed those people to join in. On that night I had work and was very very late getting home. I saw Cheddar and C were in a call muted with the status “at a club” which I didn’t think of it as anything at all.
I actually went to a separate call with someone else to let them be. (seen below)
Then they joined us a while later and we all talked. At this time, I was made aware of the event and I had to excuse myself because of how much it hurt to listen. I ended up confining in a channel where I write down my day as it passes by within a different friend server. (seen below.)
Which is further spiralling with how C was prioritized over myself in this relationship. Despite me pushing very hard to be around everyone. Again, I will admit fault in not actually speaking up. But unfortunately with what was said on the 26th, I felt I couldn’t as it would harm two people I very deeply loved and cared for.
There are things that happened on the 31st that will not be elaborated on beyond that Barbie was banned from a roblox game called Midnight Horrors. The reasoning was because of a completely different and private document. This document will not be linked at all because it’s not relevant in terms of information. And not my place to share it.
But it’s important to note because this was a major influence on how both Cheddar and Barbie interacted with everyone. Seen below part of the conversation (part of it has been removed as it dealt with specifics within the document.)
November (Up until the 29th)
November 4th and 6th are days when the drama above is important now. Within the server Cheddar made, Barbie had a paranoia episode over something that was said via strawpage.
Within the general chat of the friend server, this happened in.
For context reasons, I didn’t censor the generalized topic of the document for miscellaneous things later.
Obviously I attempt to negate this the best I can via gentle prodding as it very likely isn’t the case. As seen above. Unfortunately, as this IS where things get messy as people began to jump in as well as what Cheddar specifically mentioned.
Specifically “Considering [NAME] has been literally indirectly calling everyone here a gross individual, I don’t think so. /lh /nm” Please note this for later.
Also note the person with the unrelated screenshot, important for later.
By this point, several others are made uncomfortable. Myself included were beginning to get stressed out VERY BAD. Especially at this point when Barbie begins to somewhat reprimand those who spoke up.
Including myself. Because my heart was genuinely getting too stressed over what was happening within the server. (Also what is missing context wise is a video and some unrelated chatter)
Later on, I did unmute the server and somewhat resume normal activity once it was back to normal activity. Until the 6th when I ended up having to talk to Barbie about it.
Edit: December 5th at 6:28 PM CST
In private I have been asked to remove the information about November 9th via whom it was about. I will respect them within this and not keep up the screenshots. But for clarification later, there was talk about a potential other partner that was in this section here. That’s all I will say as respect to the individual I spoke to.
November 12th, however, is the final discussion between me and Cheddar over C. This is the second occurrence where I have expressed my emotions to them as well. The DMs are combined as, you will see soon, Barbie and Cheddar tend to speak back to back from the other. So the DMs are in linear order, not exactly restricted to just one dm.
TDLR here is that we discussed once more and I ended up saying “It’s fine.” because what would you say? If you saw your partner and another person always together? Always on call and borderline flirting but wish for your partner to be happy as well?
I accept fault for not communicating directly but I feel this is something you have to wait for before actually doing at all.
Now, we get to the end.
November 26th - 27th (The Supposed End.)
Warning: This section has potential ableism (specifically with BPD).
The reason why I say potential as I am still unsure if it is but by god it’s baffling in hindsight.
Now, this is where the BPD I have becomes a topic of debate for some reason? Very honest, I don’t know. I genuinely do not know. This was supposed to be the end with me breaking up with Barbie and Cheddar with us as friends. This was because, before I properly processed anything, I wanted to just back away for mental health sake. Many times did I have friends tell me to leave because of how bad it was for me. I finally took their advice BUT I wanted to at least be on a better note for once.
That said, I wanted to do it in one proper swoop with messages to them both after work. However, you will see in at least Barbie’s DMs with me, I didn’t get to do that.
In fact, the entire break up conversation I had was dragged on between two days. Which, you will see towards the end especially, I get very exhausted.
Edit, December 9th of 2024
I forgot the fucking drive link here. 💀
TDLR, broke up with Barbie but towards the middle/end it ends up being a minor argument over whether or not I actually had BPD? Because I hadn’t really bothered to mention my therapist or psychiatrist in depth as it wasn’t? Ever asked?
Also please note both the “stereotyping BPD” for the Miscellaneous section.
Then with Cheddar? Well.
It should’ve been the end right there. Should’ve! But unfortunately when you have time to reflect on something, you remember previous things that are very wrong.
November 28th and 29th
Warning: This section has ableism (unsure how to describe it) as well as very aggressive yelling. Also notice, there is a forewarning you must read before proceeding.
So, with that warning said. I need to say that on the 28th, I had realized what happened on the 6th of June was not okay. I had a good few breakdowns over it but ultimately felt I had the right to at least write down something.
Something you must understand about me is that I am a person who has to be VERY SURE on everything. Be it memories, drama, etc. I had went to some people in private, whom I believed were able to assist me within. Both within making sure that what I experienced was sexual assault via coercion… but also that it did happen.
I had asked someone in specific about if they remembered it happening. Of course, with something like this, you’d believe that privacy would be respected, correct?
No. Bluntly they went to Cheddar and Barbie about it and told them what I asked.
Now this is where my forewarning is needed. I lied to Cheddar in the “second” half of the conversation before being blocked. Specifically, I lied about being in contact with someone. Why did I lie? Besides the fact I just woken up to what would be almost 3 hours of berating with no sugar at all in my system- I was scared of what would happen if the truth was found out.
I had recontacted G in private as me and E reconciled finally after 3ish months of being scared of each other. The only reason why me and G recontacted, is because we were all discussing what happened in the poly. I told them actively what was happening and G, who I appreciate deeply for the intent, confronted the person who told Cheddar and Barbie.
Needless to say I panicked when Cheddar began to snap at me and M, whom I appreciate so so deeply, had said they’d take the blame for me as technically I wouldn’t have reconciled if not for M.
Thankfully Cheddar backed off but regardless, please keep this mind when reading the dms here.
After Cheddar had blocked me, Barbie immediately dmed me and well our conversation was kept short because I was tired. I am still tired from everything and honestly, I never replied as I wanted my birthday to be a happy day. DMs here as well.
And that’s where it ends. Beyond some minor things I’d like to address before properly closing.
Miscellaneous (Disorganized)
Warning: This section has transphobia (via misgendering), ableism (BPD stereotypes, prejudice against introjects), and honestly probably other things.
So, to start off, I’d like to knock out some of the things mentioned previously in the document.
The person with the unrelated screenshot in early November time. They are important as within the same dms on the 12th, there was some side talk about them. Specifically with Barbie. (red censor is the person in question)
Here is one of a few good instances where I was led to believe Barbie over the actual logical truth.
I’d show more of this specific behavior but unfortunately, that is not my place to share as it is involving others whom- if they wish to speak out? They can, and they’ll have more proper evidence there on this.
The next thing, which again, I cannot provide a lot of proper context for as it didn’t happen fully to me- the transphobia. I have a direct example from Cheddar specifically where he ignores me saying I’m not a transman.
Again, I am agender. And the fact Cheddar called me a transman and said we couldn’t be together because I am apparently so is… very odd! Without getting into it as well, this is an instance where information was withheld from me and made me believe Cheddar and Barbie over others. This may get elaborated on in the future.
Happened again with Barbie but because a headmate had the same name as what I wanted. Which with that said, this is the only time a name will be uncensored purposely This is something that happened somewhat often? Cheddar also had the same issue when I mentioned I wanted to use Kasper.
Remember how above as well when it was mentioned about BPD stereotypes? Well, ironically enough, Barbie has said to me number of times about kinning a character that is a literal BPD stereotype.
Also on the topic of characters, Barbie has expressed HATING Rocket in private. So much that introjects (and potentially other identity based things) are a target of being ranted about. It was primarily in calls but some evidence for this is both from his private, my old private, and its public twitter.
Also the cashapp I sent? Well.
This is all I can think at the moment to note down for miscellaneous on my end. If anything else is needed clarifying on, you can dm me and it can go here.
Closing Statement
All in all, as a hypothetical, I am sure you are wondering:
“Kri, why are you making this public when Cheddar said-”
Only time it/its has been used for me by these two by the way.
Making people choose between both sides is incredibly dumb but also manipulative. Plus saying that you’d not make it public but then do this? Very odd choice.
This section is specifically towards Barbie and Cheddar again but much more emotional compared to before. If you don’t want to read this, you can skip to the ending via tab.
In my sidenote, I had mentioned something had happened that I’ve come to realize. Specifically on my birthday, I had been told by several people you are supposed to eat before and during the high. I had a 20 mg edible. Two small pieces of chocolate.
I was on a trip so bad, I possibly had a seizure because of how horrible it was. Now this is ignoring how on the 6th, I had much more weed in my system. Which is why I cannot remember everything in detail. Here’s just a few screenshots to prove my point via google search.
That said, I’ve this to say to you first Barbie.
You are going to get people killed with your actions. I am lucky that I didn’t actually die and had help from someone who’s trained to keep it from getting worse. You are so lucky that there’s not a body count on you yet. But considering what you have and are doing to people, there might just be one that no one is aware of. I trusted you even after everything and I think that was my own mistake.
I trusted someone who clearly didn’t care about me if I got sick or not. And I still hate that I cannot even properly hate you. You need help clearly but I know you won’t accept it because you are too busy worrying about if you will get weed or that new pc. Also don’t bother worrying about the money you owe me, I’ll make it back up with my job. But fuck you for trying to say you cared. You didn’t even care enough to use anything but he/him until the end.
And to Cheddar.
Fuck you too to start. I’ll give it to you, you did try at first before you and C began to be more and more romantic. I feel more pity towards you, not even really anger? You blindly defend and love Barbie instead of TRYING to pretend you care. I think you screaming at me in DMs before blocking me really spoke so much about you. More than the little time we spent together. I would’ve given you the same respect as I did Barbie when breaking up if I hadn’t argued with him prior. I gave you the same love and respect regardless but you just moved on from your honeymoon phase with us for C. I hope C at least is safe if they continue to stay with you. The same for any other partner that you and Barbie pull into a poly.
For you both.
You both need help from not only your weed addiction, but also your addiction to social media. You need to get the fuck off the internet for at least a month to properly understand how people actually act. You are grown adults, act like it. And also before you try and say I’m not justified in feeling this way or whatever- YOU BOTH NEVER FUCKIN BOTHERED TO SPEAK TO ME. Outside of drama, needing something, and ONCE when it was either drunk or with C. I want you both to reflect and actually think about what the hell you both want and need to do. Also finally, I’d recommend you to stop getting into polys. You both aren’t built for it at all and the fact you just keep jumping to new partners is insane. Stop pretending you care about everyone but each other and GO.
I’m sorry that you both couldn’t love me for me but only for the fact I’m fat and actively able to make money/get Testosterone. Fuck you both for everything you made me go through. Fuck you both for ruining almost the entire year for me. And fuck you for ruining the things I love because they remind me of you two. I wish I had listened to the people who warned me and said to leave. Maybe then I’d still salvage what was already ruined a bit easier.
I don’t want an apology, I want you both to just reflect and get help. It’ll help if you respected my wishes but also I doubt it.
Skip to here.
For the viewer, who is reading this. You can make your own opinions, draw your own conclusions, and speak about what I have here. I hope, at least in all I’ve written, did myself justice within proving what has happened to me. And maybe, just maybe be able to prevent others from hurting as well.
For myself, I am not going to hide. I refuse to go unheard because of these two and their following. But if you do not believe me? That’s alright as well. I’ve done my best to show what I can and I can only do so much. I’m tired, and all of this happening days before my 21st birthday takes a heavy toll.
So I ask regardless of what is believed or not, please leave me alone in the end. I don’t want to be known as their ex or victim, but rather my own person.
Thank you for your time, genuinely. And if you’d like the full google drive folder, it is here.