ICHAZO

Arica Training

Ego-Cow - Affection - Being afraid of everyone; affection is the only assurance

NARANJO

2019: Dramatis personae: Eneatipos, cine y literatura / Dramatis personae: Enneatypes, cinema and literature

• Thus, for example, along with the term E6c ('conservation enneatype Six': an acronym referring to the conservation variety of characters called 'cowards'), Ichazo used the term 'heat' to refer to a person who, having suffered from emotionally cold during childhood, he develops an exaggerated need to feel protected or sheltered, and becomes correspondingly insecure because of his need for guidance and protection.
• Other symbols, however, are relevant when we talk about the subtypes, and traditionally the sexual (counterphobic) E6 has been represented as a rooster, and the warm conservational E6 as a harmless rabbit or a sweet lamb.
• E6 conservation. Ichazo used to call the passion of this subtype 'heat', although the term 'warmth' might be more appropriate, as it is a sense of familiar warmth that compensates for an experience of cold loneliness and a fear of abandonment. Fear in conservation manifests itself as insecurity and lack of protection; and because he wants the warm benevolence of the other to feel that he will not be threatened by loneliness or the harshness of life and the world, he must be good, inhibiting his aggression and other impulses.
• When the anguished passion of the E6 turns into the field of self-preservation, it becomes insecurity and lack of protection, and then the individual seeks the warm benevolence of others so as not to feel threatened by loneliness or the harshness of life and the world. But for others to be friendly and not aggressive, you must in turn be good by inhibiting their aggression and other reprehensible impulses.

THE WARM AND UNSAFE E6 CONSERVATION

• In this form of expression of anguish, insecurity, the search for protection and a benevolent attitude are combined that do not allow the person to express a healthy aggressiveness, and this in turn contributes to making them dependent on stronger people than they are. Protect.
• The Hero-Tiet. Among Canetti's character portraits, we find this insecure E6 in one called the Tientahéroes, in which the expression 'tempts' refers to touching and specifically to the symbolic image of one who clings to the pants of heroes commemorated in public monuments. It is as if he was moved by the idea that greatness can be spread by proximity —which does not fail to imply a certain truth, only that the influence of more virtuous or wise beings is not transmitted so much through wanting to hold on, as through natural effect of admiration or devotion—, and in Canetti's caricature, the gesture of holding on to the monuments suggests an unhealthy dependence rather than a healthy appreciation; it is also associated with a contrary gesture through which whoever puts himself in a position of inferiority also tries to compete with the hero, or at least, to catch up with himself.
• One of the problems with this insecure type of personality is, paradoxically, his kindness; although it is not so much a question of true goodness as of an ideal of goodness to which the subject commits himself at the price of an implicit castration. How can a person know when they are being too nice, or when their niceness is in the nature of a neurotic compulsion?
• For a Christian, the ideal of every human being is to respond to aggression with love, and for someone from a Hindu culture, the precept of ahimsa (do no harm) is something so universally accepted that it cannot be considered as problematic; but we all know that there are nice kids who would do well to dare to be more spontaneous and less idealistic,' and to someone who works in psychotherapy, it's well known how some people must break free from their compulsion to be nice to dare to be themselves. .
• Arthur Dimesdale. Hawthorne shows us a virtuous and relatively brave E6 in his novel The Scarlet Letter, in which he surely projects his own experience onto him. Dimmesdale is called the pastor of the New England Puritan community in which the story takes place, and being a conservative E6, who is a fearful, guilty and inhibited character, the particle dimmer, which
• Basil in Zorba the Greek'. Another famous E6 conservationist appears in Zorba the Greek, the well-known novel by Kazantzakis, also made into a film. In it, an Englishman named Basil, traveling to Crete, meets Zorba, a simple man who is as admirable to him as a brave and sexually uninhibited E8 can be to an insecure E6.
• Hamlet. But don't we find in literature the representation of one who, with the character of the doubting and ambivalent E6 conservationist, has reached a heroic courage that surpasses the compulsive kindness of goodness? Indeed, we find it in Hamlet, who, in his insecurity and hesitation, he compulsively postpones the action for which he intends to avenge his father's death, but it would be misunderstood if he was taken more as a fearful person than a brave one; Well, Hamlet is one of those literary characters that goes through a great transformation.
• Hamlet is the longest and most complex of Shakespeare's dramas, and the only tragedy in which the hero is an intellectual, as his psychological type often is. Already in the first scene of the work, the author presents us with a scene of terror in which the ghost of Hamlet's recently murdered father appears; Hamlet, far from running away, approaches the ghost, because he wants to understand the meaning of his appearance, to know if what he sees is real and what the ghost wants to communicate to him - all of which does not show him as a fearful person, but rather like a brave man or, in other words, like a virtuous conservation E6.
• As much as the E6c are the most insecure, among all the other characters created by Shakespeare, Hamlet is a university student trained at the University of Wittenberg, from which he left Luther, and, as Coleridge already observed, it is about one who wants to understand and know.
• the forms of fearFilm illustration of E6 conservation Walter Mitty The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (Ben Stiller, 2013)
• Good cinematic examples of this subtype can be found in The King's Speech (Tom Hooper, 2010), The Constant Gardener (Fernando Meirelles, 2005) and A Beautiful Mind (Ron Howard, 2001). I have chosen, however, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty.
• Walter Mitty works in the photographic negative department of Life Magazine and, being a magazine famous for its photography, he is a very central character; This contrasts with his modesty and also with his insecurity, which is typical of an E6 conservation who lacks self-confidence. Very near the beginning of the film, he is seen in the act of pressing a computer key to "wink" at a woman who appears on an electronic dating service. He is about to do it, but he can't make up his mind, he withdraws, encourages himself, returns to the computer, hesitates and, finally, does it, but without results, as the message appears that "the requested operation cannot be performed"; later it will be explained to them that the reason is that the required form with their personal data is blank. On the other hand, he feels that he has nothing to say about himself that makes him interesting: it seems to him that he has done nothing in his life. Through the film we will see how he is doing many things that become spectacular, and this because little by little he dares to venture beyond the limits of his usual life.

2017: Ensayos Sobre La Psicologia dos Eneatipos / Essays on the Psychology of the Enneatypes

Illustrative of the character of E6 in this series is the remarkable film about Gandhi, which was a great box-office success when it appeared and in which one can see the contrast between the shy young man who could hardly bear to sit for exams at the end of his law degree, and the heroic attitude of the teenager when he was forced off a train in South Africa because of the color of his skin and decided that he would fight against racial prejudice. Gandhi came to represent a remarkable case of heroic courage in a person of fearful personality, and this film shows how in his life gentleness and heroism were reconciled through his policy of peaceful resistance - perhaps the most Christian of political actions in world history.

E6C: Mahatma Gandhi (Ben Kingsley) in Gandhi (Richard Attenborough, 1982)

E6C: Warmth. Excessive need for affectionate treatment leading to repression of aggression.

Thus, when fear invades or contaminates the instinct of self-preservation, the person fears for his ability to survive on his own, and this makes him too dependent on the protection of others, insecure, worried about all kinds of dangerous unforeseen events that may occur

Fear in conservation. It is insecurity, unprotection, and because he wants the warm benevolence of the other to feel that he will not be threatened by loneliness or the inclemency of life and the world, he must be "good", inhibiting his aggression and other impulses.

The world of E6 is the world of the dog, "<man's friend" since ancient times; and the many varieties of dogs represent well the subtypes of the 6, so that the bulldog seems to us very similar to the counterphobic in its image of dangerousness, while other characteristically tender and hairy dogs resemble the 6 conservation, and others, hyperalert and capable of training, such as pointers or greyhounds, they evoke the social 6. But when relating the 6 conservation to the dog, we must not leave aside the wolf, which may perhaps represent the 6 which, overcoming its excessive ties of dependence, has found its essence.

2012: 27 personajes en busca del ser: Experiencias de transformación a la luz del eneagrama / 27 Characters in Search of Being: Transformational Experiences in the Light of the Enneagram

• The social E6 is cold, very formal. Kant, for example, was a great philosopher. He was a Prussian, and the Prussians had that form of character which has a great love of precision and an intolerance of ambiguity. This is precisely the complete opposite of the Conservation Six, which is warm and too permissive of ambiguity.
• On a descriptive level, we can say strong in the same way that a conservation six can be branded as a weak person. One is a rabbit and the other is a bulldog: a counterphobic is much like a barking dog.
• Unlike the E6 conservation, which seeks protection in the other idealized, the sexual E6, in contact with the feeling of not being worthy, seeks in the other a recognition that will allow him to be and not be expelled.

E6 Conservation (Self-Preservation) – Warmth

The E6 conservation is the opposite of the E6 social. This one is warm and ambiguous, insipid, sappy. It does not come to him to say that this or that is white or black. It takes a lot of courage to say something is black or white. For him it is better to say: ―oh, there are several types of shades of gray in between. And I don't really know what kind of gray we're talking about, because life is very complex.‖ And so he can go on endlessly, always beating around the bush.

We have a person here who needs a lot of protection. He is afraid of not being protected, a fear that manifests as insecurity. And his characteristic passion is the need to have something similar to friendship: a little warmth.

What characterizes the E6 conservation among the three types of the six, is precisely this search for heat. They are teddy bears. They want to feel the embrace of a family, to be in a warm place, in a familiar environment where there are no enemies. In social contact there is a kind of alliance formation of ―I am not going to hurt you and you are not going to hurt me‖, ―I am your friend, be my friend‖. Freud said that such alliances were the essence of friendship, but of course they are only the essence of a neurotic friendship: coming together in the presence of a common enemy, huddled together in the face of danger. The "I support you and you support me" phenomenon is humanly general, but the conservation six does this constantly, in its yearning for a small, warm world.

The transformation in the conservation E6 by Betina Waissman

My first contact with the enneagram occurred in Rio de Janeiro in 1985. At that time he participated in a growth group with Guillermo Borja, Memo, who every year came from Mexico to Rio de Janeiro. It was he who took me to meet Claudio Naranjo, his teacher, with whom I took the Protoanalysis course. That meeting marked a before and after in my life. In that first course I did not identify with the dynamics of Fear, but with that of Gluttony, which resonated more with me because of what I was living then. I was 28 years old, I did group theater as a first professional and vital activity, I was very involved with my process of therapy and Reichian body training and with the expressive body work of the Rio Abierto system. I also studied and worked with the Tarot and was interested in astrology and kabbalah. f

I lived alone in a small studio in a bohemian neighborhood and away from my family. I earned money to support myself, even though I had the help of my parents when I needed it. I was single after ending my first major love affair, which had lasted six years living in separate houses. From the age of 20 to 28 I broke with the patterns and expectations of my family. I felt idealistic, I felt like I was liberating myself and discovering life, I liked to travel alone, dress unconventionally, I was a vegetarian and I took care of myself with alternative medicine. It was an expansive stage of my life, which resonated quite a bit with characteristics of enneatype seven. For all this I placed myself in the trait of gluttony and during a good season working from that perspective was very enriching. I learned to enjoy a more open lifestyle and approached something I was looking for: to be freer. I understood the value of looking at oneself from other points of view, and also the importance of deepening without clinging, allowing the central to finally appear. Over time, I realized that it wasn't gluttony that kept me from growing, that wasn't my main defense and mechanism. I had a hard time seeing fear as the central neurotic issue.

Fear and search for warmth

Living in fear came naturally to me: I didn't see it as an impediment or as something problematic. Since I was a child I felt shy, insecure, but I was not aware of fear as a problem and normalized it. Although my shyness and insecurity threw me back a little, I always had a friend who was braver and more outgoing than me, and that complicity propelled me forward. Maybe that's why I didn't register that fear could prevent me from living what I wanted to live. My mother, her family and friends were from Argentina, and there we spent our holidays annually. I studied in an American school where children from many countries attended. I learned languages, traveled and met people from other places. All this gave me a certain ease of social relationship, although in a group I was always withdrawn and quiet. I used to access social through someone close to me that I felt safe with, like my close friends or cousins. This way of relating, so common in the sixth conservation, I recognize since I was a child: I have always had some close bond, of intimacy and trust, with which I felt safe, and from there I could relate more broadly with the group. The search for warmth as a strategy continues to act even today, when I arrive alone in a new group: I tend to stay a little on the periphery and naturally locate someone to approach.

I do not usually stay long in environments or situations where I cannot generate some sense of complicity and support, some homely, warm protection. When I do, I relax, the internal tension loosens and I can get to enjoy the group. In childhood I was seen as a good girl, kind, loving, calm, obedient. I never gave war. ―Sweet,‖ that's what my father called me. I think he had a contented, docile and adaptable appearance. My mother says that since she was a baby she didn't give her any work: she slept well, she ate without problems, she smiled. It was so easy and so good... I do not remember myself especially cheerful but soft and collaborative, with good disposition and good humor, typical characteristics of the six conservation. My parents were young — my mother had me with my years — and they had a very active social life, so they entrusted me to caregivers throughout my childhood. I remember loving my first nanny very much. She told me stories about monsters and fantastic beings that fascinated me but also impressed me. I dreamed of these creatures, and I used to have nightmares and delusions when I got a fever.

The next caregiver marked me deeply. It happened between the ages of three and six. I was a very cruel German woman who beat me a lot, threatened me and tortured me physically and with the word. He was always behind me, watching me coldly and extremely harshly, telling me that he was doing everything for my good, as he was educating me. I was totally terrified, and I, the eldest of two sisters — the third was born in this period and the fourth had not yet been born — lived in an environment of fear, alertness and silence. My parents couldn't know anything because, otherwise, she would get even with me. Nor did I want them to know what was going on, as they might be frightened, suffer or become disillusioned, and I preferred not to bring them trouble. I came to think that the caregiver could hit my mother, like she hit me. I was a child who never talked about the negative, didn't tell what hurt me, didn't complain and didn't ask for what I needed. I did or responded to what they asked of me, what I owed, or what was expected of me. Looking at my photos from that time I find my look sad, different from the one I had before I was three years old. At that stage I went on to have a continuous allergy in my legs that lasted until I was 20 years old. Little by little, I stopped identifying what was happening to me and I didn't know what to say when they asked me about me. It was not that I knew and hid or concealed, but that I diluted the conflictive, suppressed it internally, leaving me blank, disconnected. It conveyed naivety and a semblance that everything was fine, and I believed it myself.

All the painful and hard of my childhood was hidden, minimized, I did not share it with anyone, I did not consider the possibility of naming it until later I went to therapy. From the perspective of the enneagram, I understood that this was how my conservation character six crystallized. I endured the caregiver's mistreatment without saying anything until the eve of a trip by my parents, after which the three sisters would be left alone with her for a month. Although I had already seen myself in that circumstance, I was now six years old, I felt stronger or more desperate and I had a burst of tears, prey to dread, and I revealed the abuse to my parents. I did not tell the details of the barbarities to which the caregiver subjected me, but they were very frightened, canceled the trip and threw her out. Some time later, she came to visit us and wanted to greet me, asked me for a kiss and I gave it to her, shyly and fearfully. The same thing happened a couple of times in the park I was going to play. I don't remember feeling anger, just fear. I also don't remember expressing anger in childhood, and the only fights I keep in my memory were quite innocent, a little later, with my cousin from Argentina. Also, I felt very bad when I had bad thoughts towards people or when monsters appeared in my mind and in my nightmares: I took the blame and the fear of punishment. I became very skittish.

Any noise, a change of light, a shadow could trigger my fear. He lived as if reality was always populated with invisible and threatening beings. These beings and God watched over me, and even scrutinized what I thought and felt; they would always be attentive to punish me, because it would be educational, for my sake. I grew up being a good student, a good daughter, a good friend, and at school I managed to make friends also with the loudest and most rebellious. Maybe because I was collaborative and loyal and because I liked the artistic and teamwork. I was never a leader but I helped in the groups and they counted on me, I offered support. In the transition from puberty to adolescence I began to perceive my anguish. And to discover that I had a hard time with the relationship with the boys. They scared me, I felt clumsy, shy, I blushed, I didn't know how to chat or be entertained, and then I preferred not to go out with them. I took refuge in my group of friends and as they began to date boys, I realized my shyness and fear of intimacy. I remember wanting to be more open and outspoken than I was, but when they got closer, I would withdraw.

Ambiguity, contradictions and guilt

The adults around me said of me that I conveyed balance, serenity, peace, tranquility. This bothered me, because inside I felt the opposite: I looked tight, tense, repressed, a little tormented, distressed. What they told me was so different from what I felt or lived! I lived with different realities and these only unified in my silence and endurance. All this helped to confirm a characteristic of the six conservation: the feeling that head and heart were separated, and that the unknown and threatening instinct is associated with monsters, with evil. I started to get fat and that made me suffer more. I was very scared of anger, aggression, provocation, confrontation, as is typical in this subtype. I would withdraw, withdraw, shrink, but I also didn't want to be seen as a coward. She showed me as peaceful and conciliatory. I had fantasies of having a monster that could break in and that one day I would be discovered, that the ugly and bad would appear inside me and then disappoint, disappoint people. To be seen so different from what I felt internally made me feel false, a liar, and guilty. It was like a ghost that could appear at any moment and reveal the evil that I had inside.

This was one of the topics that led me to initially place myself in enneatype seven when I did the Enneagram I course (as it was then called) with Claudius. When I heard the word fraud in relation to E7, I associated it with this familiar feeling of feeling inside something different from what they saw from the outside: I was afraid of being a fraud. I never thought I was prepared or capable, but I seemed to generate that expectation in others. I felt a lot of ambiguity: a part of me sought to go forward, I was attracted to expression, freedom, courage. Another part was pure insecurity, impotence: not knowing how to position myself, what to say or do in the face of problematic or conflictive situations or people. I had a hard time accepting my duality, my contradictions, as if this in itself was something bad and lying, fraudulent. Doubt being such an important issue in enneatype six, I did not recognize it as such but my experience was the contradiction. Integrity, being true and consistent, was fundamental to me, as was the fear of hurting loved ones, of disappointing them, of not living up to it. From the mind I have always been clear that contradictions are inherent in life and in our humanity. Intellectually, it is very easy for me to relativize, to justify, to include different aspects of the other and of reality.

But, emotionally, I have had a hard time getting out of the dichotomy of Good and Evil. Guilt was another of the clues that led me to place myself in the E6: it was shot very easily, with the consequent discomfort and fear of punishment. As a child, at school, when they threatened the whole group because they wanted to discover the person responsible for something that should not be done, I, who never got into trouble, began to burn inside as if I were guilty and they were going to discover me. As a young man, the same thing happened to me when I went through some police checkpoint, which at that time were very common in my city. I knew I had nothing to hide, that my papers and my life were in order, but I lived it as if I were guilty of something.

From disconnection to greater freedom

Theatre, expression, movement and bodywork were my salvation. I started dancing since I was a child and at school I participated in everything-theatrical and artistic that was organized, but it did not occur to me to star. I enjoyed the expressive and playful, and when at the age of 18 I became fully involved in this world, I began to transform. That same year the sister who followed me died of leukemia. It was a turnaround in my life. Contact with death propelled me into life. I committed to everything I was doing and began to have a searching awareness, and to see life as a path of growth. I think my reaction to my sister's death was my first big victory over fear. I remember the strength, the certainty and the courage I felt one day in the cemetery visiting his grave, crying and telling him that I was committed to my life, to giving meaning to life, to not letting it pass blank, not to settle in. It was when I took the theater as a profession and path of life. The theater made me feel alive.

A few months later I entered the University of Theater, participated in other free courses and made my first great trip abroad alone. This trip to the United States was an adventure for me. Staying at friends' houses I managed to feel protected enough to move alone and look for what interested me. I felt brave and adventurous, I had my first meditation experience: an intensive Transcendental Meditation, something totally new for me. I visited drama schools, saw shows, walked the streets alone, had my first sexual relationship and even an experience of altered consciousness. In short, I felt courage and the effervescence of freedom. On the way back from this trip I joined the theater group that would be the center of my life for the next 20 years and I looked for a less analytical and intellectual therapy: I did three years of bioenergetics and later I continued with Reichian therapy. Both the artistic expression and the clinical framing have been the most healing and transformative for me. In both contexts I went beyond the taboo of taking out what happened inside, which implied connecting with my emotional world, so blocked by unconscious fear.

I didn't know that the blockage I perceived in the relationship with my emotions and inner life, typical of E6 conservation, was a consequence of fear. Fear of feeling, fear of pain, fear of intensity. I had a fantasy that I could not stand the intensity and that it would disintegrate me. And, on the other hand, I longed to go beyond the barrier that prevented me from feeling. What I perceived most was my disconnection: I didn't know what was happening to me, I didn't identify what I felt or if I felt something, I was blank, paralyzed, a little dead. This mechanism of character six conservation of disconnecting from reality that frightens or uncomfortable, occurs especially in conflictive or painful situations. I didn't know what affected me until some time later. When I finally woke up, I felt worse about myself because only then did I realize things, their effect on me and what I could have done and didn't do. Something like this happened in relation to my sister's illness, which lasted two years until her death. I sensed that something important was happening. I was almost 1 6 years old and I realized it was serious. But since it wasn't talked about at home, I didn't name it either, nor did I ask.

My parents wanted her to continue with a normal life, and they chose to hide the situation by saying that she had a strong anemia, thinking that this would avoid suffering. I lived as if nothing serious was happening even though I was very attentive to my sister. I felt distress, I felt a little frozen, and I started to get fat. When she went into a coma and finally everything was revealed, my heart opened. The emotion gushed out, I felt alive and present and without fear of pain. A pain that opened me to feel like never before the love for my sister, for my family and for life. At that moment I understood the internal tension I had experienced beneath my disconnection during the previous two years. Understanding this, as well as experiencing the consequences of everything that happened then, uncovered in me the possibility of deeper changes.

Body, expression and transformation

A fundamental change was to begin to perceive and say what is happening to me without much time passing. When I'm in fear, I have a hard time even realizing what I see, feel, and think. In fear everything fades, as if I were in a cloud that confuses me, blocks me and there I stay. If I let myself be taken by this feeling, the fear grows and each time I block and shrink more, and the distance between my head and heart increases. In my process I learned that, if I can sustain fear and go through it with awareness, I begin to see, to realize what is happening to me, beyond fear. The most transformative thing happens when I manage to say what I feel/think/see. I have learned a lot about this subject in my marriage, since in previous couples I almost did not say what I felt, especially what I did not like. I kept it, adapted, molded and told myself that time would solve it. He justified everything because if he named the conflictive he could make things worse, lose the other, be rejected. I was so afraid to manifest myself that I thought it was better not to say anything: it will happen, it will change.

Seeing fear as a central element in my neurotic dynamic, and not as something natural, has been decisive and very healing. Before it was so close to me that I could not focus on it and, therefore, I could not delimit it either. As I also tend to be confident and optimistic about others, I did not identify with the descriptions of paranoia and distrust associated with this character. Now, whenever I can name the fear, it becomes more concrete and localized, and then it decreases. What has helped me most in my transformation has been to pay attention to the body: to identify the physical sensations of fear — how I feel when I'm afraid — and to allow myself, especially when it comes to that diffuse, ambiguous, disguised fear that misleads and decenters me. This fear does not seem fear, and it fills my mind with reasons that devalue, entangle, confuse and paralyze me more and more. One of the especially healing experiences I had happened during a job in the context of the SAT Program. I was able to indulge in feeling fear all over my body, without containing or controlling it, without judging and without fantasizing or bringing it to mind.

For the first time I let my body tremble freely and consciously: tremble with fear. I had experienced tremor and vibration in bioenergetics and Reichian therapy exercises, but this was completely new. Surrendering to fear was an intense bodily experience that brought me enormous liberation and consequently, a great sense of vitality. Before, my unconscious strategy was containment, and from there I cooled, disconnected, dried and blocked. Then he judged me and blamed me for it. Now, when I feel the fear in my body without avoiding it, I can make decisions. If I allow myself to tremble, even subtly, and I manage to endure it, breathe and be there, a change occurs. I go on to feel my body, to be in the body, and that in itself already reassures me, I feel more real. The focus changes: it is no longer just panic tremor, it is also vibration and connects me with the flow of energy in my body. I feel alive and I can move forward, albeit with fear, I am here and I do what I can.

Anger, aggressiveness, innocence and punishment

Getting in touch with anger, living it, expressing it and sustaining it has been the most healing. When I started my process in body therapy I could not connect with anger. I knew it was important, I understood it, but I couldn't live it. He did the classic exercises of rage: hitting the cushions, using the racket to hit, pushing, screaming, all the things that had to be done, but he didn't feel it. Guilt and fear were so unconscious and internalized that I could only cool down and disconnect. Distrust and discredit in relation to oneself and one's own experience, seems to me a very active defense in trait six conservation, which can lead us to desist or not to give value to important issues. Seeking contact with rage—at first mechanically—helped me to get closer and demystify the taboo towards this emotion, and gradually, the inner permission to live it was opened. As I began to experience anger, I saw more clearly how the fear of punishment was constant and internal: life could punish me. I lived the fantasy that if someone got angry or fought with me, they would never love me again. Therefore, I feared that if I got angry, I wouldn't love the other one anymore either.

I couldn't put love and anger together. For me, the great learning of anger has been in the couple, in love and in trust. The effort has been to go through the fear that it would end or that love would be withdrawn. Now when there is trust I can get angry, diverge or have a different opinion and the world does not end. But if there is no trust, I can still tend to shut up, to retreat. With aggressiveness, the taboo was also immense. I felt unable to defend myself, without resources, and therefore afraid of the world and life. I knew my endurance strength but not the strength to face. It wasn't just the idea that the world is dangerous but that I wouldn't know or couldn't defend myself. Claudio asked me about the tendency of the E6 conservation to do like some small dogs, which are thrown on the ground on their backs offering the chest, belly and soft parts to the aggressor. I think many times I have done this: to be fragile, weak, open and submissive to defend myself from aggression.

There is also an unconscious use of naivety as a defense in the form of ―I didn't realize it‖ or ―I didn't know,‖ a childish attitude. A position of innocent weakness. I think this also has to do with guilt and fear of punishment. It is a mechanism that blinds me and that really prevents me from realizing it in the present, therefore I cannot take responsibility and defend myself in the moment. Today, when I look like this, I stop and wonder what is happening to me, that I am afraid. When I perceive it, something changes, I can take responsibility, and even if it hurts, I reconnect with strength and confidence. In the process I understood that behind so much fear of the harm they could do to me is the fear of doing harm. When I began to feel the rage, the fear of exploding, of losing control and doing a lot of damage appeared: the monster.

Safety and security

I have heard many six conservations name the pursuit and importance of external security. I think that this matter becomes compulsive because we do not believe that this security can be achieved: a flat can be burned, money can be stolen, fate is not safe, nothing is certain, nobody knows the future... Even so, there is a constant attempt to make sure, to foresee just in case; so many times investing energy in creating a security in which we do not finish trusting. This tendency often appears in the material, even in the most everyday and banal. More than once I have contained the temptation to buy two of something I need or like in case it runs out, wears or breaks. In my bags and suitcases I always carry everything in case I may need it, I do not like to ask or depend on the other. There is a satisfaction in being able to attend to one's own need and also that of others without having to ask. Although there is consciously a rejection of dependence, protection is sought in the links. Friends have been my main support since childhood, and I have always lived them as my family, as the most valuable thing I have. A crazy idea that fuels neurotic behavior is, ―If I have friends, people who love me, and who I love, I'm protected.‖

If something happens to me, someone will give me a hand, I will have somewhere to grab me. On the other hand, there is a lack of trust in love. I didn't think they could really love me, much less that they could protect me. The little girl in me didn't understand why my parents, who loved me so much, hadn't defended me from the caregiver's mistreatment. My fantasy was that friends would forget about me, that they wouldn't see me. Therefore, it was important to have many friends and take care of the bonds. Most of the time I was the one who offered the hand, the one who protected. As if this were to guarantee future compensation, in case of need. A kind of life insurance, which as with all insurance, I preferred not to have to use it, but it relaxed me to know that I had it. I have observed the difficulty of cutting relationships even when they have left wounds. There is a tendency to maintain a kind relationship with everyone, as if this could ward off danger or a next attack. Nowadays I can cut a relationship with someone who has hurt me, and this makes me feel stronger.

Confidence

Another big change is to perceive certainty and trust internally and not just to deposit it outside. When I manage to recognize my intuition, realize what is real to me without the external confusing me, I feel connected and safe. When I can hear an inner voice that I experience as true, even if it is not perfect, and life confirms it to me, I feel stronger and more consistent. This voice corresponds to sensations in my body: I locate it between the solar plexus and the lower belly, in a central place within me. It's not about the voices in my mind, which are many and can confuse me. When I am insecure and from the outside I am questioned, my mind becomes entangled and I lose my center. I begin to doubt even more, to think that maybe there is something that I am not seeing, that I have to consider it and that the other may be right. That brings back to me the feeling of fraud, of helplessness, of not knowing, of not being worthy or of being inconsistent. If I stay connected to my body, giving credit to my perception, I feel more whole and can defend my point of view. This experience is something else: it connects me with trust.

It's an experience and not an idea. The work with Authentic Movement, practicing and imparting it, has been key in this conquest. Writing about myself, showing myself and allowing this text to be published, is an achievement in the face of another fantasy: that exposing myself is dangerous and that it is better not to appear. Exposing yourself means being too much in focus and that is very dangerous, an idea confirmed by my childhood experience of severe punishment. This is another crazy idea: if I show up, they're going to cut off my head. It is not a conscious thought, it is something that when it happens, it is so fast and automatic that it invades me completely: it burns me, I blush, I want to run away and get out of focus; it's too much of a threat. I remember hearing from my paternal grandmother, whom I loved very much and who was a model for me, a Jewish saying that said: better not to stand out too much, neither up nor down. Otherwise envy or contempt is aroused, and the consequence would be persecution. There is a kind of taboo to highlight, to become very visible that seems common to the six conservations. As well as the childish image of a severe, controlling and punishing God, like that of the Old Testament, with whom we must be constantly negotiating, praying for forgiveness.

The playful, expressive and creative path, both artistically and therapeutically and especially the theater, allowed me to expose myself with meaning and pleasure, with less guilt and more freedom. Getting to know the work of Claudio Naranjo, who integrates the wisdom of compassion — so central to Buddhism — with his own Jewish cultural heritage, was deeply healing for me. I didn't conceptually understand the meaning of compassion: for me it was a very new vision, but in its presence I felt it like a balm running through me internally. Like a nectar that healed inside my body, my cells, my heart and my mind. And it remains that way. My husband's love is for me another miracle of healing. At the age of 42 I moved to Spain to get married. With my previous partners I had not lived together and we kept houses and economies separate. I didn't give myself up completely, I feared intimacy even though I wanted it. I didn't trust that they could really love me and therefore I didn't compromise. He protected me in my independence while longing in fantasy for a wonderful love. Until the relationship with my husband, Juan Carlos, with whom I am much happier than I could have imagined. Today I feel more resourced, more autonomous and more able to defend myself, although from time to time fantasies and fears return, especially in relation to the future. It helps me to remind myself that this is all part of the neurotic dynamic. I also keep blushing, but less, and I don't care so much anymore...

2005: The Enneagram of Society: Healing the Soul to Heal the World (Consciousness Classics)

• More than one characterological syndrome corre- sponds to the expression of fear. One of these is a timid, hesitant character, which in the DSM-III appears through two different descriptions: the “dependent” personality and the “avoidant” personality. I am con- vinced that these two personalities are not fundamen- tally different, but are varieties of a single syndrome in which the fearful need for support and timidity with respect to approaching others coexist.
• The basic personality is one of excessive submission towards a dominant personality, which is expected to play a protective, guiding parental role. The desire to maintain this link is such that it can lead to the person even allowing abuse. As he or she considers him or her- self incompetent, he or she cannot live without the sup-port of the person to whom he or she is subordinate.
• The fear of making mistakes, which in the timid manifests as excessive submission, evasion of the responsibility of deciding, hesitation and excessive caution, and which in the strong—contraphobic—manifests as aggressivity, here leads to an obsessive devotion to grandiose ideals.

1997: Transformation Through Insight: Enneatypes in Life, Literature and Clinical Practice

• Pepita was thrust into the big world and then she felt lost.How is one not to feel lost in a world without a place of safety? And how is she not to lose herself in a world where she has to be on guard? She illustrates the characteristic fragility of the self-preservation E5, a neighbor to the avoidant E6 who shares with her an extreme difficulty in the expression of anger.
• Insecurity is far more typical of E5 and a sub-type of E6.
• In addition to the counterphobic sexual subtype and the insecure self-preservation subtype of E6, the theory presented by Ichazo acknowledged a social subtype. In this case it is not fear that is turned into an Opposite (as in the counterphobia of the sexual subtype), but doubting.
• In Ennea-type Structures I caricatured the E6 psyche as that of a persecuted persecutor, for regardless of whether the persecution of others or the sense of being persecuted stands in the foreground, the two are interdependent. In the insecure (self-preservation type), self-persecution is most ostensive, and the taboo inbeing aggressive toward others perpetuates an all-too-vulnerable position that sustains the need for protection. Yet, the “persecuted persecutor” concept applies to the case of the counterphobic as well, as was made clear from a consideration of Macbeth or the bull-dog cartoon already shown.
• Just as the shy and avoidant E6 is too inclined to seek protection, the strong counterphobic is too paternalistic; too inclined to offer it. In the insecurity of his self-loathing and his alternating perspective, we see the difference between a violent E6 and the psychopathic E8. We recognize in Dostoyevsky the phobic and most explicitly guilt-ridden self-preservation variety of E6.
• A guilt-prone E6, Gandhi upbraided himself for having allowed himself to be “blinded by animal passion” and writes in his autobiography that this was a blot he was never able to efface or forget.
• That the “English Professor” is not an E1 is also apparent from his “tremendous inhibition of affect and impulse,” typical ofEo and most typi- cal of its timid phobic variety. Also, “his willingness to suffer” that Wallerstein, et al., call masochistic, is clearly recognizable as an EO phe- nomenon not shared by E1(rather than being the“masochism” of E4,who suffers in order to attract love through pain, in the self-preservation E6 “masochism” is secondary to intrapunitiveness). The passion for warmth is another matter. The emphasis is in harmlessness. A person who cannot defend himself becomes “dependent” on a non-threatening environment and protection.
• Some escape this anxiety through seeking the security of protection and become dependent on others; not trusting themselves enough, they feel alone and incapable without outside support. In a world of danger, they seek alliances, and for this they endeavor to be, not inimical but friendly, trustworthy and supportive — as allies are supposed to be. The taboo on aggression that results from the needs of dependency weakens them in the face of aggression, and contributes to their insecurity and also to their need for external support.

1995: Enneatypes in Psychotherapy

2. Self-Preservation VI's:

Reporter: Among the self-preservation VI's we found, by a significant majority, almost unanimously, a high coincidence in what is happening deep down, or in the crazy ideas underlying different formulations. The incidences are in the kinds of conditional crazy ideas that go like this:

- "If I expose myself, they'll attack me, they'll disapprove of me, they won't love me." (That is to say, "If I expose myself, if I expose my authentic self, it's very dangerous.")

- "Outside there isn't any room for me, they are going to reject me, etc.."

- And the formulations can be, "If I expose myself, they'll attack me, or disapprove, therefore I shun exposing myself."

- "If I say No, they won't appreciate me. Therefore, I have to be agreeable, pleasant." (It's an adaptation out of necessity.)

- "The less I bother, the more affection I'll receive." - "It's better not to say, so as not to make a mistake." - "If I am self-centered and I fight for what's mine, they won't love me."

- "If I show my weakness or my incapacity, if I make a mistake, they won't love me."

- "If I don't do it right, they'll kill me."

- "If I show what I want, I will be betrayed."

- "If I am bad, aggressive, and I commit myself—that is, I expose myself as me-I won't be accepted. I'll end up alone."

- "If I get in touch with my pain, they'll see me as weak and so then they'll also reject me."

- “If I'm not sufficiently capable, intelligent...." In the end it's all like that.

- "If I show myself as weak, they'll squash me."

- Underneath all this there is an awareness of lack of worth: "I'm not worth enough," "I am deeply unworthy, so I have to make a big effort." - "I have to try hard to do what they ask of me." - "I have to try hard for them to love me, but without ex- posing myself." (Thus, there is this awareness of lack of worth inside and the need to adapt to everyone else, fundamentally so that they will love me. It is interest- ing that not a single reference to the rules appeared. It was always an adaptation to everyone else, but as something human that would receive me, take me in.)

- "If I expose myself, I'll fuck it up."

- "If I show my hatred, I'll fuck it up."

-"If I don't confront, it'll go well for me." (Thus, this leads to the inhibition of action, at least one's own action, and taking refuge in thought. In thoughts, that is where one can develop the proper specificity, and on the other hand, beneath that great obligatory adaptation we were also aware that there was a great amount of inhibited aggression that could leap out, that was wanting to leap out to recover that which is one's own, that capacity to be one's self.)

- "I am guilty of hating, consequently I'll stuff my hatred." (And there was more in this direction.)

Corrective ideas for all of this? Being able to expose feelings and impulses.

- "I am worthy for what I am."

- Also, "I don't need everyone to love me in order to exist."

- "I am lovable just as I am, for myself, without having to do or fear anything."

- It would also be helpful, in this sense, to acknowledge that, "I don't love everybody."

- "I can show my weakness; I can expose everything that I repress."

- "I have the right to feel and show myself."

- "I show myself as I am, whether they like me or not."

- Also, "The fact that they don't love me doesn't mean that they are attacking me."

- And there is one that is even more radical: "I can change my mind whenever I want without it being a problem."

- A formulation that came up was: "To be able to break the good and the bad," where the imposed good is dependent on the established norm in the group, but not in the sense of a rule. That is, to be able to break the adaptation to, the fusion with, that good. And to break with the bad, where the bad is (as seen from our position) daring to be oneself. To break that law of what's good and what's bad.

Claudio: While you were speaking about that idea of incompleteness, that something is missing, I remembered a cartoon of a psychoanalyst who is speaking with a person who has no arms or legs, who is almost a cube with a head. And the analyst says: "I would say that your feeling of incompleteness comes from your oedipal situation in which your father...." (Laughter.) I have the impression that all of those things that are difficult to expose, or of all the things that produce that feeling of incompleteness, aggression is the most fundamental. That what makes one so soft, what makes one so conciliatory, so much in need of affection and support, is that the person doesn't have the possibility to use his or her aggression because there is a crazy idea with regard to that.

Reporter: Yes, yes, absolutely.

Claudio: "That we must pacify ourselves," in the same way as the knight errants of the past, who would take off their helmets to show that they were not on the attack. I understand that it's the origin of the custom of taking off one's hat when greeting. It's as if that exaggerated, or contained, the showing oneself to be unarmed, defenseless.

A Question: ....

Claudio: Often IV's feel like VI's and VI's feel like IV's be- cause the need for affection makes both melancholy. In the end, emotional dependence and suffering are tied together.

Question: What is the difference?

Claudio: The self-preservation VI is more into protection, into self-preservation; the social VI is more into being seen, the social domain is more developed, being before the world. Moreover, they (the social VI) are more ashamed; ashamed in the face of the world, in relation to stereotypical things. They are more refined, as if they were stretching themselves in order to be a not-so-aesthetic ideal. The aesthetic is very much linked to the ideal of the self.

Contributor: Last night, when we were coming back from the theater, that is precisely the same thing I had been commenting on with a social IV, because I had the feeling yesterday, when I was listening to them, that they had that point in common with us-a lack of a feeling of worth within ourselves. We found the difference, that while the social IV is more of a complainer from the side of feeling the lack of something that he/she doesn't have and that he/she demands, I think that with the VI's there isn't so much that emotional aspect as much as the need to adapt ourselves. That is, we lose ourselves there in the actions, more along the lines of a dissolution of our position, but with the aggression hidden inside, covered up by the complacency. The IV would be more likely to put on an ugly face because of what's not given to him/her, or be- cause of what is missing, or because of what he/she doesn't dare do. In us, the VI's, that wouldn't be so noticeable. I believe that the shame is much more hidden.

1994: Character and Neurosis: An Integrative View

• Another personality description in homeopathy matching the ennea-type VI is that associated to Psorinum- connected to a sense of deficiency, fault, or flaw. One of the deficiencies commonly observed is that of vital heat manifesting in the symptom of chilliness, aversion to open air, and over- sensitivity to drafts. This is very true, I have observed, of the more timid type VI individuals, who not only seek emotional warmth but seem to translate a psychological sense of solitude into a yearning for heating and a tendency to protect his or her body with warm clothes. Also the allergic tendency of Psorinum individuals seems to fit what I have observed among the more timid and preservation-oriented type VI individuals.
• Though it is possible that within every charader type there are some constitutional differences among the subtypes, in no other instance is this more striking than in that of type VI, where the three subtypes clearly embody the three Sheldonian components. While the counter-phobic (sexual), strong, and pugnacious form of ennea-type VI is mesomorphic, the avoidant or phobic (preservation) form shows an overall softer, more endomorphic appearance; while the duty-oriented and fanatic (social) subtype is typically, like Don Quixote, ectomorphic.
• On revising this chapter just after the publication of Lorna Benjamin's Interpersonal Diagnosis and Treatment o f Personality Disorders,l1 however, I see that her understanding of dependent personality disorder is essentially that of our phobic (self-preservation subtype of ennea-type VI). If her understanding reflects that of the professional world in general, it seems to me that ennea-type IX has become to the collective eye of the American medical world as invisible as ennea-type III.
• The DSM III definition of paranoid character is narrower than ennea-type VI, for the latter comprises three different varieties of paranoid thinking that involve different ways of dealing with anxiety. The phobic character of psychoanalysis, now echoed in the DSM III "avoidant" personality and also in "dependent" personality disorder, is another; yet there is also a more obsessive style, usually diagnosed as a mixed personality disorder, between the paranoid and the obsessive.
• Unlike the schizoid person who has difficulty in attaching himself or herself to others, the avoidant or phobic type is only cautious yet with a great potential for attachment. Also, there is a greater emotionality both in the capacity to experience pain and warmth: "They feel their loneliness and isolated existence deeply, experience being 'out of things' as painful, have a strong though often repressed desire to be accepted. Despite their longing to relate and to be active participants in social life they fear placing their welfare in the hands of others."
• The label "phobic" character has been used in. psychoanalysis. Thus Fenichel writes? "phobic characters would be the correct designation for persons whose reactive behavior limits itself to the avoidance of situations originally wished for."
• The search for love becomes differentiated in type VI according to subtypes. The counter-phobic and the aggressively paranoid individual demands obedience, just as he has understood loving his own father as obedience. The avoidant phobic person, on the other hand, has learned to equate love with protection, a source of security to compensate his/her insecurity-a strong person to lean on.
• V/VI: May be confused in virtue of the schizoid features of E V as well as the sad moods of the more avoidant subtype. Also E V can be, as E VI, distrustful, yet the distrust is more avoidant than even in the avoidant or phobic E VI who is more dependent, more affectionate and generous, both in terms of availability and in the quality of being good hosts. Also E VI is comparatively more disciplined, and takes external authority more into account, both in terms of submissiveness to conventional or actual authority, and dominance towards those lower in the authority hierarchy.
• Not only is the ineffectualness or generalized problem with doing of the more timid type VI individuals a consequence of an excessive orientation to the abstract and theoretical, but seeking refuge in intellectual activity is also a consequence of fearful holding back, indirectness, vagueness, and "beating around the bush.” 
• The subtypes are very differentiated in ennea-type VI, so that it embraces, along with the avoidant personality of DSM III, also the paranoid, still another form of suspicious character with more obsessive characteristics, as will be discussed in the appropriate chapter.
• Some of the most apparent assumptions in ennea-type VI are bound to a particular subtype as, for instance, the avoidant sense of not being able to cope with his or her own resources, or the counter-phobic's sense of authority as a way out, personal authority as safety. Basic to all, however, is the sense that people are not to be trusted and the sense that one's intuitions and wishes are to be questioned. Authority is over-valued yet is not perceived as necessarily good. It is usually (ambivalently) both good and bad.
• While the "weak" (outwardly coward) individual offers loving obedience to parental authority and the "compulsive" or dutiful subtype obeys an abstract principle through legalistic or ideological obedience, the "strong" and fanatical subtype of suspicious character (usually called paranoid) defends himself from the temptation to surrender just as vehemently as he is counter-phobic.
• Yet in relation to authority, too, the subtypes are differentiated, the avoidant one becoming the most yielding and the counter-phobic one the most competitive and rebellious.

Cobardes

Source:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1tptCa0kDTiw01mvo9g70RjYNNhZb_bALjcWTQyacqlI/edit

• The three subtypes of the Six, the conservative (passion: warmth), the social (duty) and the sexual (strength) share the experience of continuous threat and alertness, and a feeling of not being worthy or sufficient, which leads to persecuting thoughts against themselves.
• The nuclear cognitive distortion (fixation) is self-rejection, which is manifested in self-accusation, more represented by the conservation subtype, and in the accusation of the other, more significant in the sexual subtype.
• The conservation subtype is the most emotional, although their feelings are expressed only through greater sensitivity, the search for physical contact to feel in a protective relationship, and a smile aimed at disarming the other. He is the sweetest of the three but his sweetness does not correspond to a deep tenderness.
• The Conservation EnneaType Six tends to mingle in small groups and has a hard time moving alone. It is difficult for him to establish intimacy with new people; he feels insecure, vulnerable,  a little thing. You tend to have few but very good friends and look for very close, face-to-face relationships. In groups it is lost, diluted, sometimes it almost disappears. This conservation subtype makes full contact with the lack of confidence in their abilities and with the need to count on others, openly manifests the feeling of impotence and seeks a way out through affective union with the "powerful other".
• The sexual subtype tries to control feeling autonomous and independent. On the other hand, the conservation Six lives in the hope of finding a person who will protect him and in whom he can trust fully.
• In sexual E6, this inhibition is less paralyzing and he is more concrete and decisive in the face of problems. Its opposite is the E6 conservation, invaded by paralysis. It is difficult for him to make decisions, he postpones. Excessively cautious, he tends to compulsively check to make sure that everything is fine, with a perennial doubt that blocks action. Hence, he is a theoretically oriented person, who lives in abstraction looking for absolute truths, certainties.
• The conservational E6 is the one that expresses less aggressiveness, and more, the fear of receiving it. While in the counterphobic aggressiveness is the fuel to launch into action, in the conservation aggressiveness is «passive» and can only be expressed through explosive acting out after accumulated stress. It is the wolf in sheep's clothing. The counterphobic, the lamb in wolf's clothing.
• The E6 conservation shows an affectionate submission, like a teddy bear: «I do not attack you, I am harmless; in exchange, you do not attack me, love me ». He does not tolerate conflict, he has a lot of difficulty confronting, especially one on one and on personal issues. And when after a lot of swallowing, it explodes, the fear, guilt and shame that follow are enormous because the consequences can be terrible.
• Faced with authority, the conservation E6 behaves in the opposite way to the social E6: he establishes a personal relationship and adheres to the one who can play the role of protector and guide. By not trusting his own power, he looks for an authority to rely on to be able to take risks, decisions. He idealizes her and shows himself as pleasant with her, but if he feels that she fails him, he demonizes her, and he does keep his distance because, although he wants to get closer, he is afraid of being ignored or rejected. In this ambivalence before the authority, especially paternal, in which the E6 move, the three subtypes exercise different forms of paternalism” and of looking for the “father”. The conserving Six's paternalism is the most maternal, "feminine," loving, caring, and nurturing. He also places himself as an unprotected son who seeks warmth and shelter.
• The conserving subtype converts Eros into maternal warmth, thus cooling sexual passion and turning the partner into a protective and innocuous mother/father.
• The one of conservation expresses more his maternal love, with the purpose of receiving it. 
• The inhibition of sexual desire and impulse is more evident in the conservation subtype than, unlike the sexual one, which seeks autonomy, submits to the wishes of the other with great self-sacrifice. For E6 conservation, the purely sexual is secondary. Skin contact, with the body, is more a search for mutual care, intimacy, protection, affection, than a search for climax, for pleasure. His interest is to maintain a filial role and the only desire that is allowed is the search for warmth, even at the level of physical contact. This attitude and not disconnecting the head do not contribute to a full physical enjoyment of sexuality. Sometimes he approaches the other person by becoming asexual: "I just want to be your friend, I have no other intentions, I don't want to have sex with you." The difficulty in letting go and fully enjoying sexual pleasure coincides in all three subgroups, although to a lesser extent in the counterphobic, because the head is always in the way and is more concerned with measuring up, with satisfaction. of the other than of his own; it is more of a chore than a pursuit of pleasure.

ENNEATYPE 6 CONSERVATION

Coordinator and author Claudio Billi

Writing Contributors

Alan Vigneau

Armando Garcia Nunez

Betina Waissman

David Marin Vargas

Isabella Grottola

Marco Lupoi

Nora Griffith

Pietro Bonano

Tom Hunsberger

Ximo Esteve

Translation Nora Griffith

PASSION IN THE SPHERE OF INSTINCT: HOW FEAR WORKS IN CONSERVATION

When fear contaminates the self-preservation instinct, passion takes the form of a constant concern for one's own survival. In this sense, the conservational E6, compared to the other two subtypes, is the one that is perceived as weak and fragile. Hence his constant need to protect himself, in every way:

• of the primary physical needs (cold/heat, hunger/thirst, sleep, tiredness...). In fact, there is never a lack of “stocks” or protections of all kinds (from gloves to sun creams, batteries and insecticides).

• of emotional disturbances (loneliness, abandonment, invasion, aggressiveness, excessive exposure, etc.). His strategy is the “hit and run”; that is, being and not being in situations and relationships, as a way of modulating intensity and avoiding too many responsibilities and commitments.

His conviction is that he lacks the resources to face the unforeseen. Actually, in his life he had to face many situations alone, but the stress caused by an emergency is traumatizing, to the point that later he remembers the anxiety experienced more than the achievement made. You find it difficult to act impulsively and need to take your time preparing for action. You suffer from anticipatory anxiety and display obsessive and sometimes paranoid thinking, ruminating on all the "traps" you could find. Concern for survival occupies such a large part that he becomes convinced that it is the most important thing in life. There was probably an insecure emotional experience at the base, marked by instability and the threat of abandonment. The experience of primary attachment to the mother has not been a source of security. And there need not have been real episodes of abandonment or lack of maternal care. It is enough to not have felt emotionally contained enough, recognized in their own nature, to have had the perception of an intermittent emotional presence, to develop the fear, intolerable for a child, of abandonment. Fear from which it is necessary to protect oneself with control of situations, of the other and of emotions, to make the world a predictable and, therefore, safer place.

The E6 conservation subtype learned to feed their fear by feeling in a state of permanent alert, which mitigates the feeling of emptiness and anguish in the absence of containment. His passion for protection is one of having been blocked in search of a serenity that he never experienced, from the moment the child sought the mother's gaze without ever being sure of finding it. The feeling of danger is related to the excruciating fear of the disappearance of the mother, of being definitively abandoned and running out of resources. This anxious and worried state inhibits any desire to move away and explore. Experiencing the new and the unknown means letting your guard down from the control of that other that could disappear. He seeks to counteract that feeling by building a safe, calm and routine life with someone stronger. But automatically he stumbles back on his basic distrust: the other is never completely reassuring, control is never enough.

I became a doctor. Many of the teachings of medicine I have been applying to myself to feel more secure. For example, I consider food in terms of quantity and balance between nutrients, and chemical and bacteriological purity of food. When reviewing my first photos I see a dislocated child, like an alien. I relate it to a feeling that sometimes assails me of feeling like a foreigner in this country in which I live now, despite having been here for more than forty-five years.

The self-preservation function is forced in this subtype by egoic interference. It is as if the person has become excessively meek, while in a healthy life there is room for aggression and assertiveness. Therefore, the strength necessary for survival is not expressed, and the person becomes weak and in need of protection. In childhood, there was a lack of a maternal function that would help him trust his natural impulses and the ability to ensure the satisfaction of basic needs. To the point of cutting off with deep listening to their primary functions and totally delegating their need for support to the other (the mother). That is why the fear of abandonment becomes characteristic of E6 conservation, which has developed autonomy and affective independence to a lesser extent than the social and sexual subtypes.

I was born three months after my brother's death. My mother, sunk in a kind of depression, would not stop crying until she found in me the way to alleviate her sorrow. She gave me the same name as him and exerted an overwhelming overprotection over me from the first moment. Somewhat older, the only spontaneous manifestations of mine that she approved of were the intellectual ones, which she overestimated ("you will become a Nobel Prize winner"). The rest were repressed, so that I became a kind of parlor intellectual, unable to lead an independent life. Always depending on someone else (first on a roommate, and then on the woman I married twenty-four years ago). The dependency was frustrating since, on the one hand, it was necessary without my understanding the reason, but on the other I needed to get it out of my mind, which led me to continuous conflicts: first with my mother, then with my roommate and, finally, with my wife.

This relentless search for protection occurs in a context of total dependency due to the feeling of permanent insecurity. Hence, the E6 conservation becomes submissive and shuts up its own criteria and interests. He seeks to create a climate of non-aggression based on a lot of smiling, and spends a lot of energy evaluating "who's who" on the chessboard. Being prepared for any eventuality means that you are always over-equipped, which hinders your flexibility when making decisions.

I always worry about leaving the house well protected: a cap against the sun's rays as well as sunscreen for the head (I'm bald) and enough warm clothing. Creams for the face, so that it does not spoil me. At night I wear a neckerchief, which protects my throat, and a dental splint to protect my teeth from rubbing.

I need to carry quite a few things in my bag that I might need and more, just in case, and when I can't find something I get the paranoid idea that "they took it from me". And with the music that I use in my work it is never enough; I seek to have all genres in large quantities.

The constant state of alert, expressed in "what can happen to me?", "what can they take away from me?", impoverishes the quality and quantity of relationships, generating mental confusion that leads them to take refuge in their interior, isolating himself from the world.

Protection as axis

When they feel deprived of protection, the conservation E6 can feel helpless and aimless, at the mercy of the opinions and interests of others, to the point of reaching self-aggression. The fact of making a decision, of choosing between two options, already implies an internal confrontation: one of the two is going to be rejected and this in itself constitutes a loss of security. So he postpones, he gets paralyzed in taking initiatives; from unimportant practical things to neglecting your health or maintaining harmful relationships. The search at all costs for protection generates an acute fear of rejection (as it would mean losing it). Hence, the E6 conservation always maintains the façade of "good boy" or "good girl". It can also make an excessive offer of protection with which it generates dependency relationships, choosing dependent partners and in great need of being comforted, which will justify its offer of security. And, finally, it can lead him to move in circumstances or with people who, due to his conduct, will keep him “permanently alert”, which will feed his perception that “the world is a dangerous place”, “I need protect me", and "I have a thousand reasons not to trust".

Control of emotional intensity and conflict

A state of permanent anxiety and alertness, with the consequent difficulty in living in the now, always waiting for what is to come: this is the emotional substrate of E6 conservation. As a result, he can't muster the energy level he could hope for. Most of the time he oscillates between everyday and "acute" anxiety. The daily life is a background rumor, not living in the present moment but what awaits you in a few days. It is as if he needed to feel a resentment inside. Even in the brief periods in which the environment does not give cause for concern, after two or three days he already begins to fantasize, as a result of anxiety, about losing his passport, arriving late and not being able to catch the flight, work problems ... Work, above all, has "chosen" it many times as a breeding ground for anxiety, because it is the ideal continuation of the one that generated him, in his day, his school performance, wanting to be "the first in the class" as an instrument of conquest of the unattainable maternal affection. What is the cause of your job anxiety? It doesn't matter if he is a leader capable of the most difficult tasks: deep down he doesn't feel his strength, he doesn't recognize himself. And it is not perceived because there was an early lack of recognition, it was not seen by its reference figure (often the mother).

I have a creative and managerial job in the comics industry.  Comics and their fantasy world, especially superheroes, with their images of power and heroism, were a lifeline during my childhood: the space that I created and lost myself in and could allow myself not to be afraid;  decide the fate of the characters he created.

Having found an important and satisfying job in Torieta stories is a double-edged sword: being the continuation of a childhood fantasy of salvation, I always think that if I lost it I would go crazy, I would die, I would disappear, my life would end.  Maybe it's my deepest and most ingrained crazy idea.

Anxiety is felt a lot on a physical level: in the throat, in the chest, in the stomach; It is a feeling of suffocation, of discomfort. The conservation Six is ​​someone who is afraid of flying but is flying all the time and, in every turbulence, even the smallest one, he breaks out in a cold sweat and feels like dying. Sometimes this state of subtle and subliminal anguish lasts for days, or weeks, and then he begins to curse his own work, to fantasize about giving it all up. Take account of how much money you have saved and how many years you could live on income. Only when intense situations occur (events, meetings with many people) does it charge with energy and stifle the anxious instinct. But on "normal" days, it's as if you were in a tide that every phone call or every email "ping" rises inside you, five seconds or five minutes.

The underlying reasons for my anxiety at work parallel my relationship with my mother. Both my relationship with my boss, a very distant person, not at all expressive and very much like her, and the one I have had with my main partner for twenty years, always distrustful and ungrateful, evoke the relationship with my mother, not very expressive, who does not see me, does not perceive me. On top of that, she doesn't like my job, which doesn't help. It is as if my mother had to give me permission to live, to exist.

He feels trapped in the fear of punishment, guilt, making mistakes and standing out; It is an eternal diffuse fear. He is very afraid of unknown sensations; even pleasant ones tend to dilute them. Anything that appears intense or moves a lot scares him, even if it attracts him. Many times he is afraid of life itself, to feel; this is a central theme for him. If things are not clear, he tends to say no.

In the meditations, scenes of fear that I experienced as a child and that still come to me from time to time came back to me: things like that there might be beings in the environment, especially at night and if I'm alone. I always have to close everything properly, pass the keys, check, close doors. For me the night has always been very "inhabited." and nature even more... I don't know if the invisible or the real scares me more.

Many times I feel like a little girl, asking that the night not attack me when I'm alone. It doesn't happen to me when I sleep in a new place, other than my house, the first night I have to look behind the doors, inside the closets, under the bed, and I do that even if I'm accompanied; If not, I don't relax.

And it tends to overcome fear and containment: it tenses, it holds internally.

As a child my tendency was always not to disturb. I never complained about anything, I did not demand. My mother always says that I was like that since I was born, that I didn't give her work, that I was easy, I didn't worry her, always very obedient and predictable.

He is very "impressionable" with the negative: he cannot watch scary movies because the images remain "stuck" in his mind and return to him over and over again for a long time, even years. The same thing happens when you feel guilty or sorry: those situations come back and come back. He carries within him a very constant authoritarian accuser. It's a part of you that hides a lot; he fears it. He feels irritated when people do not respect the rules and duties. He is internally very intolerant of unimportant things but he controls himself and does not "shoot". When, on the other hand, one day he finally expresses it, he does so more abruptly than he would like, the accuser appears and does not like anything. He doesn't know how to do it with humor. It is difficult for him to stand firm without being rigid. It is also very difficult for him to say what he sees or thinks of people, especially if it is negative. He is afraid that they will get angry, afraid of saying it wrong and later regretting it, afraid of hurting. Oh, this is a big topic: fear of being hurt and of doing it. Therefore, it is better not to do anything. Anger is a central issue in therapy, and he cannot live with it. Either he totally shuts down or he imagines destroying everything if he lets go. And not only in therapy, but also in life. The E6 conservation is very afraid that their repressed aggressiveness will turn into violence. That ghost is the reason for the non-violent causes for which he advocates. But when he discovers that his fear is to be afraid, everything takes another form.

As a therapist, confronting is very difficult for me. Simply saying what I see in the other, even more so if it is negative, I experience it as if I were acting with extreme violence. Telling a patient, for example, how silly and childish his vision of a specific situation seems to me, I feel as if I were attacking him very directly. And then I'm afraid, since I expect a devastating reaction: that he collapses to the floor crying, or turns into a beast to destroy the entire room... In short, projections.

The basic passion is therefore the paralyzing fear. A fear that blocks it. The conservation Six tends to rationalize things, often succeeds, and in those cases, the clear idea of ​​what to do allows it to function with apparent normality (just like the social subtype). But frequently new information appears that contradicts what was already reasoned and it becomes paralyzed. Paralysis is the mind getting confused while the body is tense and anxious: it doesn't know where to go. Sometimes it shows in the face of fright, but the typical thing is to not be seen, because he adopts a soft expression, between affable and relaxed, very different from what he feels inside. Yes, very different from what he feels inside. Fear limits you when it comes to doing things you would like, professional and playful.

As a child, and even as an adult, I did not dare to get on bumper cars, nor to go to the fair to have fun. Or I have started doing something (for example windsurfing) but ended up exhausted and had no energy left at all.

It is a fear of choosing between several options. If there is only one way, or one that, with the theoretical information you have, is better, then it is easier. He is afraid that someone will feel offended, or upset, or harmed by his decisions, that they will generate enmity. And also not to choose the most advantageous option for him, even if it does not harm anyone. In the acute phases, anxiety is not under control but rather explodes, making daily life and the performance of normal organismic functions difficult. The physical symptoms worsen, the warm Six remains fixated on obsessive issues and until he resolves the problems that have triggered the crisis, he finds himself stuck in a catastrophic tunnel vision.

THE CHARACTERISTIC NEUROTIC NEED

The warmth

When we speak of "warmth" in connection with the neurotic need characteristic of E6 preservation, we refer to a highly articulated set of physical sensations, emotions, thoughts, and fantasies. The "warmth" is found in a physical contact where it feels contained, protected and safe, and reminiscent of a mother's embrace. Also in a "warm" place, because it is cozy, with its diffused lights. sofas, comfortable cushions and rugs... where you can be "in peace" and find refuge, away from the obsessive thoughts that evoke constant worries. But the «warmth» can also be found in «warm» clothes (many times the E6 conservation complains of cold, physical too; he wraps up a lot and sleeps with several blankets). Or in "comforting" food or drink (Schubert, for example, drank a lot). Or in "enveloping" music, which cradles, which invites oblivion (it is a good subject for hypnosis, due to its desire to dissociate itself from a constant state of conscious tension). As the dominant passion of E6 conservation, "warmth" is understood more precisely as the longing for a situation safe, warm and calm, in the sense of affective welcome, serenity and peace. It takes the form of longing because it is never achieved. Since, even in the right moments, the feeling of threat or the problems that must be faced are always present. A bit like Schubert's Winterreise, where every time an image of serenity, warmth or protection is presented, there is always something that interferes, an obstacle that makes it precarious. Therefore, the compulsive desire for peace and warmth is accompanied by an equally compulsive hyperactive and worried behavior, which knows no pause, beginning with thought, except in the rare moments in which it has the sensation of having deserved it. rest after heavy or difficult tasks. However, even this rest is lived with the anxiety that at some point it will have to end.

The passion for warmth is fed by fantasies, by “magical” thoughts of life changes in which all effort, all concern disappears by magic, to give way to a world of soft pastel colors, where each emotional note too high is dimmed and calm and serenity prevail. This compulsive search for warm tranquility is usually, moreover, a self-deception, since the fundamental characteristic of E6 conservation is ambivalence (more accentuated than in the social or sexual): it longs for tranquility... to discover , once reached, that what you need are intense stimuli because if not, life is boring. He convinces himself, in a word, of wanting a quiet life just because of his excessive fear of an intense life. Another characteristic of this subtype is the inconsistency between what he wants and what he does. He wants warmth in relationships but he searches for it only superficially, because he deeply mistrusts the possibility of finding it for real. He is gentle, apparently friendly and available, but fears that the relationship, if it becomes intense, will automatically restrict him and threaten his freedom... The feared threats of abandonment (explicit or implicit) from parental or close figures generated a tendency to hide the truth and indulge, believing that confrontation would necessarily lead to a break in the relationship. In this constant avoidance of confrontation, the conservation E6 is the first to walk away, without fully putting himself in the game and, when he has no choice but to do so, he reacts angrily, accusing the other of being too demanding.

The search for warmth in the relationship is accompanied by the need to control it: the deepest fear is of giving in and becoming dependent on the other to be later abandoned, at the moment when all defenses have been loosened. The "warmth" is also a way to seduce. Inspiring tenderness and appearing shy, defenseless and eager for protection serves as a strategy to attract attention and make the other person feel strong and important. It's as if E6 conservation has lost touch with (and faith in) their inner animal. He seeks, then, an intimate contact that gives him security and overwhelms him at the same time, since protection entails the price of total dependence, of not being able to disassociate himself for fear of the threatening world. Due to this ambivalence, he defends himself from intimate contact and dedication to life, in its instinctive and emotional aspects. Unlike the longing for great passion of a sexual E2, or the dramatic addiction to love of an E4, the need for warmth of an E6 conservation is to feel in family, in a homey environment that counteracts the persistent feeling of cold and abandonment of early childhood. Many E6 present themselves as excessively idealistic. Now, can a person be too idealistic? : Doesn't an ideal world of truth, beauty and goodness deserve to be put above all things? In The Idiot, Dostoevsky describes an ideal human being (in a letter, he explains that he was inspired by Jesus Christ). And paradigmatically, despite the fact that his intention was to portray human perfection, the writer cannot avoid acknowledging the mental illness of his character, who goes from good to self-victimization.

The ideal of compulsive kindness falls naturally in the course of a successful psychotherapeutic experience, which shows how this intense passion for kindness is that of an idealized self. This overly nice and ineffective type of person has established a non-aggression pact with the others: "You see how I am harmless? Do not attack me". There is a biological precedent for this strategy: in a wolves fight, the strongest one stops when the loser offers you the jugular. When one always ends up losing in the competition, it is better to avoid it. The resulting frustration leads to a tendency to deceive, to make the other believe that they agree with what they say or do. This "false condescension" (which increasingly turns into telling lies) often ends up being discovered. And then the other gets angry, disappointed, let him do it. He doesn't realize how hard it is to always feel lost and wonder why he needs pain. The lie is for the Six conservation a kind of “revenge": "I do what you ask, but I don't really belong to you.” Without protection, the warm Six perceives itself as crippled or orphaned, feeling incapable of coping with difficult situations of life. The feeling of insecurity generates helplessness, restricts exploration of the world and has a general paralyzing effect. The house is his refuge.

My house is my point of reference, my refuge. It has to be solid and in a central location so that you can easily reach everywhere. When I leave home, especially if it is to take a trip or I have to be away for many hours, I feel insecure.

The day before leaving on a trip I have a hard time: my body seizes up, I feel anxious, I want to take all the medicines and protective measures I use daily with me. The small effort involved in packing, together with the stiffness, can cause pain in my lower back. When I've been away for a few hours, I need to find somewhere similar to home to rest and relax.

INTERPERSONAL STRATEGY AND ASSOCIATED IRRATIONAL IDEAS

The “philosophy of life” of the enneatype Six is ​​centered on the illusion that rational categories can guarantee security, defending against unforeseen events and various threats. The E6 conservation, in particular, believes that by defining these categories they will be able to control their behavior and thus avoid rejection, abandonment and, most of all, punishment. You will be able to secure a place among the good guys or control the bad behaviors of the other.

He oscillates constantly between the feeling of guilt for feeling bad and the feeling of persecution for being punished. The core of this distorted vision of reality (fixation) is called, in the psychology of enneatypes, accusation. It is a style of thought that defines reality in terms of victim or culprit. In the conservation subtype, it is based on a self-accusation. He attributes the blame to himself in order to neutralize the persecutor in this way. The main defense mechanism of the E6 in general is identification with the aggressor. He interprets reality from self-rejection, through massive identification with an internal accuser who devalues ​​and blames without room for appeal. This introjection of the punishing authority is like an obedient dog that does not need his master to control him, since he knows very well that he should not climb on top of the bed or sofa. We have all introjected social prohibitions, but the E6 conservation internalizes stern authority to the point of becoming an inhibiting self-accuser. Another typical mechanism is the projection that, although it is universal, the E6 conservation manifests more easily. Your view of the world as threatening is the projection of your repressed anger. And he feels looked at with disapproval; that is to say: he projects on others the repressed accusations of an overly kind and gentle individual.

I vividly remember the first rehearsals in the orchestra where I was working. I would arrive, sit at my lectern, and anxiously wait for one of my classmates to greet me, smile, or ask how I was doing, before beginning. Otherwise, I had the feeling that everyone hated me, looked at me badly and even wondered if I had done something bad to them. All she needed was an approving look and a smile to be able to enjoy the rehearsal. If not, they were all enemies against me.

the mental strategy

The E6 conservation presents an organization of phobic knowledge. Any affective disturbance that threatens loss of protection or freedom generates anxiety. The priority is therefore to maintain a balance between two polarities that he feels are antagonistic: the need for protection and the need for freedom. In his attachment history, he has felt an indirect limitation of his autonomous exploratory behavior due to the mother's unpredictable and incoherent oscillation between hyperprotectiveness and rejection with threats of abandonment. An inverted attachment relationship is also possible, where it is the boy or the girl who cares for the father or the mother. The attachment model is the so-called resistant anxious, with early experiences of hyperprotection, anxiety of separation/estrangement from the child, connotation of the outside world as dangerous, attention paid to illnesses and physical vulnerability, hypercontrol, invasion, limitation autonomous exploration of the environment, rules not linked to performance but to obedience itself, control of relationships and vital choices, and inhibition of emotional manifestations. This indirect limitation of the exploration does not allow for opposition because the child cannot be aware of the emotional discomfort that it generates: he perceives it linked to the love for which he normally feels protected, and to the maintenance of that protective closeness of attachment figures. It is progressively entering into the fact that, if it is oriented towards love, it loses its independence, and vice versa. The only possibility is to oscillate between the two. The future child E6 conservation develops a contradictory sense of himself: on the one hand, the protection of his parents allows him to perceive himself as a loved person; on the other, the inability to establish themselves as an autonomous person leads them to perceive themselves as weak and incapable. The dynamic balance of this polarity is maintained by selectively excluding sensory flow that might activate the need for freedom and independence beyond the limits of stability, and by attributing the need for protection to an "objectively" external cause. Dangerous. Adolescence usually makes it possible to live independently. mind new experiences, but self-control-which excludes working through disturbing emotions- reduces the range of decodable feelings. He imagines eventual dangers derived from loneliness, and it is difficult for him to make explicit his limitation of exploration. He develops the ability to restrict himself to tight and routine social spaces where he can take initiatives, managing to appear bright and dynamic. By constructing itself as a «controlling subject», the E6 conservation can be perceived as competent in case of success of the control strategy. On the other hand, threats, even imaginary ones, of indifference on the part of protection figures, or an increase in the level of commitment that is perceived as a restriction of their freedom, activate reactions of great emotional intensity. Therefore, control procedures are based on the prevention and avoidance of emotions, rather than on understanding their meaning.

I have always allowed myself to be in a relationship with a girl when there was a certain ending. In intensive one-month courses, I always got involved in the last week. Or when I knew that I was going to move to another city or to another country. If I am not sure of an end, I feel an incredible burden, a great fear of commitment, because of the conviction that if I let myself enter the relationship I will not be able to be me anymore, I will be devoured. In this way, on the other hand, when it ends there is no pain and I have the feeling of emerging victorious from the situation.

With self-control, he defends himself from the ghost of supposed personal weakness (“by controlling myself, I avoid giving in to emotions that would make my weakness evident”) and from the risk of emotional distancing from attachment figures, by avoiding aggressive behaviors. in confrontations, or different from what is requested, and falling in love with people who are alternatives to the current couple. The control of the other, for its part, averts the danger of affective loss ("by controlling the partner I guarantee the continuity of the relationship"), allows dosing the protection ("if you control you can protect me without suppressing me") and avoids the unpredictability of new situations.

Social relations

The personal relationships of E6 conservation are characterized by mistrust and suspicion; or on the contrary, due to an excess of expectations and idealization. In any case, they are tiring and contact with the other always has something intermittent. Discontinuity characterizes their way of relating to others. To the extent possible, avoid confrontation and competition; If there is no other choice, they experience them with anxiety and with little ability to modulate anger. When he loses control in the expression of anger, an attempt at reconciliation follows; It is difficult for him to accept relationships where there are residues of tension. The ability to contain anger is low, and the initial modality of experiencing it is all or nothing: passivity or loss of control. The E6 conservation would need friendship, the closeness of a group, loved ones, family, allies, but it starts from the crazy idea that "I have to manage alone", when on many occasions you only overcome the enormous challenges that life proposes to you if you are part of a team. There is also the fear of getting into too much contact, because in contact that is too deep he loses himself, he does not know how to distinguish between the I and the you: he introjects the judgment and the desire of the other to such an extent that he is incapable of feeling what he he really wants and desires. Therefore, there needs to be a blind spot where you can be invisible to the other and be able to take refuge and do (finally) whatever you want. At first he does not trust; the world is potentially dangerous and also false, because people say one thing and do another. In addition, it is a fight that must be won at all costs, on pain of being among the losers; You always have to be better than others.

The need to belong

His need to belong, increased by the fear of rejection, prevails over the need to be. This inhibits your ability to speak your mind; he prefers to remain silent rather than antagonize, or adheres to the idea of ​​the most charismatic person. In adolescent groups it tends to be gregarious and ally with the leader; In relationships with girls, he is shy and arrives at love through friendship, which allows a strategic approach.

I remember how frustrating it was in my teens to see a bold boy who quickly managed to seduce the girl I was courting in a veiled, almost secret way, turning me into her confidant and best friend. Suddenly the other arrived, who in a very short time made her his.

A way of living on tiptoes develops, in which everything is done with great caution, always looking where they put their feet. Dancing and drinking parties were an incredibly embarrassing situation. I tended to become an observer and I would stay there watching until someone in the group proposed something deeper and warmer than just being there and dancing. If the world seduces through instinctiveness and the exaltation of lack of regard, I used warmth, depth and affability (all qualities that, unfortunately, did not prove to be victorious).

Irrational thoughts and “crazy” ideas

The core of cognitive distortion, fixation, is articulated in a series of beliefs and convictions that underlie the interpretation of concrete facts and that assume an absolute character, far from the vision of reality in its complexity and subjective relativity. Let's see irrational ideas associated with fixing this character:

"If I surrender to a relationship, I lose myself"

Let's say I like "being alone in the middle of people": I need the almost permanent contact with friends, partner, colleagues... but keeping myself partially isolated, with my head lost in another dimension. I like to be with others but like in a bubble, always half a meter away.
"The world is dangerous" - "If I act, I may be in danger" -

"I'm never ready to act"

The E6 conservation is an intellectual with a fear of acting, which he replaces by thinking, fantasizing the future action with anticipation or ruminating on the past action. He is a dreamer who worries excessively about the best way to carry out the action at every step and doubts that he is right.

"If I don't obey, they won't want me and I'm in danger"

I "knew" that I had to be obedient (for fear of losing the love and protection of loved ones) and I was. But inside I was convinced that what I thought was fair. The fantasies of omnipotence were many (to compensate for the impotence caused by fear). Fearing to go out into life, during my adolescence, I lived with fantasies of omnipotence. I preferred to be alone and read, but at the same time I felt lonely. I read a lot of novels (my grandmother had a good collection) and in my fantasies I was always the hero.

"Saying what I think is dangerous"

Another characteristic of his thinking is nebulosity: on the Rorschach tees, he is the most likely to see maps and misty landscapes.

They gave me the Rorschach test as a selection test for a job. He mistrusted me and my employers and I answered many pictures relating them to biology, a career I had studied, and that left me very calm.

It is a response associated with preferring generality to detail. To avoid getting to the heart of the matter, avoid being specific, for fear of criticism, accusation and antagonism. It amounts to an endless circumlocution, an over-explanation, a talk "about" with the need for a long "warm-up" and a "going around" in order not to reveal one's own privacy. The inhibition of frankness and not getting to the point can end up compromising mental agility, making the person dysfunctional in matters that require efficiency.

I have the conviction that as soon as I say what I really feel, I am going to be attacked. That is why I start thinking about the subject a lot, not being clear, and I get closer little by little to what I really want to say, controlling every millimeter of the gestures of the listener to anticipate any hint of rejection or anger.

What assumption supports this phobic way of being in the world? That one will not be able to; that one is not going to have what it takes to face the situation. This insecurity can be traced to the thoughts of: "I'm not ready to act yet" and "I don't feel safe enough." What do you need to feel secure enough? put your thoughts in order, naturally, and perhaps get the support of others, to counteract this active doubt focused on everything.

"I never have the necessary data to make a decision" -"If I'm wrong, there's no going back" - "It's better for others to decide"

Even more basic is the handing over of power implicit in this relationship style: the feeling of not having what you need to make a decision is combined with the thought that others are capable of doing so. This world of others contains more than one dimension. They can be people with the ability to provide guidance. Or authorities that influenced culture, such as the founders of the great religions, or great ideologues, or spiritual entities such as God, enlightened saints, or the spirit of Dharma. Krishnamurti, one such example, began his career as a writer with a book entitled At the feet of the Masters. But after his awakening, he dedicated his life to showing that we should be careful with the belief that we need teachers; what we need, in reality, is to realize our autonomy. The thought of needing the other is connected with feeling a little orphaned, unable to get by on your own.

«Feeling anger is dangerous» - «If the other gets angry they can destroy me» - «If I'm not good/weak they abandon me» - «If I'm good, they won't hurt me»

Another central idea is the inadmissibility of anger or aggression. Turned into a good guy, he has developed an ideal of himself that excludes anger. This trait, which condemns you to weakness when it comes to asserting yourself in life, also implies supporting an implicit ideal of nonviolence. (In his mature life, Krishnamurti declared that non-violence was unrealistic.)

The message I received was: “A mother's love is not limitless. You are not good, I will not love you». The fetish fable-the nightmare that made me cry every time I read it-was Peter Pan: the boy who escapes from home to live free in Kensington Gardens, and when he flies home he finds the window closed and his mother with a new child in the cradle.

I recognize the neurotic need to be "good", and very afraid to be "bad" (and the corresponding divine punishment), but I do not identify with the need to "enlighten myself" or to reach a great transcendence. Rather, I often find myself with a lack of faith in my possibilities of connection with the divine. Nor do I think I have a personal work.

I alternate between feeling like the world is threatening and taking a confident "naive" attitude. I realize that it is a defense: neutralizing the danger with a good face and behavior, naive, even sometimes a bit silly, something I do even with myself. I have a constant need to "transform the jungle into a garden." I do it by "beautifying" the environment around me. This is how threats or dangers are neutralized: creating a friendly environment, with beauty and warmth.

I care a lot about what others think of me, I am always very aware, almost "watchful" of how they see me. Not to shine or to be seen as special, but to not disappoint, not to be seen as bad or wrong. My main strategy has always been to make alliances, to be a good friend, trustworthy, affectionate, careful: give gifts, listen, attend... and especially offer friendship, warmth. Since I was a child, friendship has been central to my life: I have always had a “best friend” and very rarely did I do things alone or take the initiative.

"It is better not to trust"

This character seeks to understand to what extent they love him to decide how far he can love. Shown available to friends and lovers, but always with a little mental reserve, which he gradually reduces to the extent that he understands that he can trust, until he comes to trust completely and love fully. At that moment he can be manipulated, betrayed or ignored and he will maintain the illusion of love for a long time. In the end, once the situation is understood, he will cut without hesitation, feeling guilty about doing so but putting self-preservation first.

When a person shows attraction to me and approaches me, a part of me thinks: "Oh, I cheated on him! He has not seen what I really am.' Since my mother hasn't appreciated me, deep down I can't do it either and somehow I despise those who appreciate me. Put "love" instead of "appreciate," and "hate" instead of "despise," and you will find the story of my life.

other crazy ideas

• I have to please the world.

• I always have to hit.

• They will discover my faults (not being valid, intelligent); I'm not up to it.

• They won't understand me.

• Exposing myself is dangerous. I will not know how to defend myself.

• If they see me as I am, they will not love me, they will reject me, ridicule, humiliate me

• I'm not worthy

• I'll never amount to anything worthwhile enough.

• I am only worthy if others give me value.

• I know nothing.

OTHER CHARACTERISTIC FEATURES AND PSYCHODYNAMIC CONSIDERATIONS

Guilty

The identification with the aggressor and the introjection of an internal persecutor, to defend oneself from external threats, lead to the development of a superego that constantly feeds the feeling of guilt.  This guilt is a way of controlling the world: "If it's my fault, I can do something."  Then he seeks punishment—as Dostoevsky masterfully expresses in Crime and Punishment—in the hope of placating that irreducible self-persecution. Unconscious conduct sometimes leads him to "let himself be discovered in order to obtain the punishment through which he hopes, in vain, to open" to be forgiven, "rescued."  This neurotic mechanism induces him to seek the love of one of the parents (usually the father) through the admission of guilt and inadequacy, in order to obtain forgiveness.  For the E6 conservation finds it impossible to obtain love and appreciation for their own merits and personal value.

As a child, if I cried because I wanted something or was prevented from doing something, my mother said that she made me the victim. It is as if for a long time she had been terrified by the idea that my father could die at any moment due to their health problems, that I was too far away to take care of them, torturing myself with the idea of ​​being selfish, that I could have done something, seen them more often so they wouldn't feel lonely, that time was running out and we were separated by great geographical distance, and that it was not fair to them.  I was then tormented by feelings of guilt and distressed by images and thoughts of death and loneliness.

Pursued

Seeing himself constantly guilty, he also feels persecuted: he projects the internal persecution abroad.  It's a paranoid thought: others are always ready to pick on you, attack you and criticize you, and if they don't, it's only because it suits them to mask their intentions for the time being in order to ensure the hit later. Since he demands himself more and more, he can't stand it being others who claim him and he swings easily from victim to accuser.

Accuser

The E6 conservation has a competitive desire to take the place of authority and often argues.  They must always do things and submit to their superiors.  He loves and hates authority at the same time, which he mythologizes. He has a hard time assuming responsibility for himself in negative situations (failures, conflicts) for fear of being vulnerable and that the other takes advantage.  He accuses to defend himself and not to be accused.

Concerned

He obsessively seeks to confirm what he is and what he does, The dominant fear is to fail or to be wrong and it is so predominant that it blocks action or expression, as if an internal method were lacking to determine if a personal choice is correct or erroneous, Previously to action, a long and tormented process leads him to ruminate with a rigidity that turns into immobility.  Fear of judgment compromises doing, with an inhibition that drives you toward known or comfortable goals. In the workplace, he chooses to do things that he is sure of, taking paths already traveled. He avoids changes for fear of not being able to face them, of lacking the capacity or knowledge;  he does not propose but waits for others to make proposals. He does not like to improvise, he prefers to prepare himself before facing new situations, for fear of ridicule. The moment of confrontation with the other is very stressful.  The feeling is always that of not being sufficiently prepared. You need constant confirmation, from people you trust, that you are on the right track.  And when this confirmation does not come, he mentally reviews - typical of an insecure person - what he has said or done.

Indecisive and doubtful

His thinking focuses on subjective content, to defend himself against what he does not perceive clearly.  But he does not acknowledge having started from absolutely subjective premises.  Your main goal is to prove (first to yourself) that your idea is valid.  A "Cogito, ergo cogitos" complicates his thought to such an extent that in the end he is left in the hands of doubt. Doubt is connected with self-invalidation and ambivalence.  He devalues ​​himself and at the same time has a great concept of himself.  He feels persecuted (in extreme cases he can reach paranoid schizophrenia).  He doubts even that he doubts.  He is one step away from others and suffers from chronic uncertainty about what action to take. He loves and hates the father figure in authority. He wants to please and attack.  He lives contact and withdrawal with ambivalence;  the desire for relationship and fusion is as strong as the fear that it will happen.  He has not built the capacity to establish clear limits and moves with extreme ambivalence between the desire to satisfy his needs and the fear of losing the relationship with the other. Faced with this fear, while the E9 has renounced the differentiation between Me and You-thus resolving the conflict, the E6, invaded by the threat constituted by the You, withdraws to defend the I, inhibiting any type of decision and , therefore, any action, either at the interpersonal level towards an external You, or at the intrapsychic level towards a You understood as the virtual set of the emotions and needs of the other.

Passive

The issue of control is basic in childhood and adolescence, starting with schoolmates and ending with loved ones.  The message received is: “The world is dangerous;  you are weak and impressionable and, therefore, we are the ones who guide you because we know what is right for you».

My mother's most frequent words of appreciation are: "You are a good daughter because you don't bring us problems or worries, you always make a good impression, and you take care of us when we are sick."  I am a good daughter if I behave like this, and if I respect this model, they recognize me.  But if I do something that has value to me and they don't see its use, they'll tell me I'm just doing what comes into my head or being stubborn.  Or that it's a waste of time, that others take advantage of me, that I don't earn anything, that I live on illusions...

My mother tells me that since I was little I have been good;  in the cradle she did not cry and I limited myself to sleeping and eating.  She was often nervous about family confrontations and my father's problems;  so the best thing was to be obedient like a little soldier, she was always willing to put the needs of the family before mine.

Introvert

Among the psychological types described by Jung,' the E6 conservation corresponds to the reflective introvert.  The introvert, closed in on himself, shuns contact with external reality.  The reflective introvert is characterized by the primacy of thought: the ideas that he has of others condition his relationships, without realizing the distance that he introduces in them.  Has a negative relationship with the other, which ranges from indifference to rejection.  Thought tends to disarm the adversary.  The other is always a little neglected or surrounded by precautionary measures with which he defends himself against external demands. The E6 conservation fears that the emotional manifestations of the other will make him succumb.  Prefers reading to Human contact, he is introspective, programs his activities and controls his impulses and feelings.

Suspicious (Desconfiado)

The first psychosocial structure that the child learns, according to E. Erikson, is trust.  With milk, the child incorporates the mother and nutrition.  The resulting well-being makes the object world around him acceptable to him: this is the basis on which we build our psychic world. << I am what I receive », the child could affirm, in the sense that he has confidence in himself and in others because of the quantity and quality of the security that he has received.  The E6 conservation has not been able to incorporate the feeling of well-being linked to the relationship with a nurturing mother, and consequently has not built that trust from security.  This lack makes him insecure and fearful.

Ambivalent

The warm Six was a hyperprotectived child who did not feel accepted in his true needs, with an acknowledgment of the less positive aspects of himself. If the child is not helped in his efforts at individuation to be what he is, or is induced toward a definition of himself that satisfies the parent's representation more than his true nature, he has two possibilities: to submit or to rebel.  Or the two reactions together, which is what happens in most cases. At first the child rebels, but over time he ends up accommodating to the demands and needs of the parents to avoid rejection and withdrawal of affection, so as not to face disapproval and, in practice, loneliness. In his ambivalence, the E6 conservation cannot live serenely neither adaptation nor rebellion: both polarities are unsatisfactory to him and he lives in an irreconcilable dilemma between freedom and obligations.

Claudicant

Having to choose between what he really is, between his project, carried out with his own strength, and someone else's project, which is presented with guarantees of maximum support, the E6 conservation accepts the easiest solution: the one proposed by others. In this way, he renounces a very important need: self-realization.  As a result of this he feels a very strong hostility that, not being able to express it, he turns against himself in the form of guilt.  To be accepted, he activates conventionally adequate behaviors, such as obedience, kindness or solidarity, which are very difficult to carry out if they are opposed to other needs, such as natural and physiological egoism or the need to be oneself, even with their own miseries. <«Eliminate»> then by piecework the unacceptable impulses that, despite everything, strive to be realized.  The fear that they might get past censorship is what we call "anxiety."  In other words, the E6 conservation engages in an idealization of the self whose dominant traits are perfection and feelings of omnipotence and omniscience.  In this way he gives himself the illusion of having overcome self-hatred and won the approval of others. Of having overcome the basic conflict between his need for self-realization and the need of others to see him homologated to the prevailing norms of society.

Submissive

In the description of Karen Horney's neurosis, we can recognize the E6 conservation in the conciliatory personality, conflict resolution style is resignation, particularly in the types tending to resignation with submission.  The "resigned" neurotic restricts to a minimum the field of action connected with his own desires, leading an existence as a "spectator of himself and of life." He can give up all ambition for success, as long as it implies effort and, on top of that, the danger of falling prey to the expectations of others, with the consequent responsibilities.  He prefers to cultivate intense imaginative activity and nurture his lofty ideal of himself, while procrastinating on the action necessary to make things happen.  He is usually convinced to pursue what he wants, that he doesn't really know what he is.  He loses the action orientation because he has no contact with the desire, nor with the emotional implications that it entails.  The absence of desires leads the E6 conservation to such a detachment that it can enter into a strong inertia, not only in the plane of action but also in that of feelings and sexuality. The resigned submissive is extremely and neurotically preoccupied with conflict and punishment.  The projection mechanism by which he invests others with coercion and hostility is evident, instead of acknowledging his real difficulty in being "free," that is, "himself." The E6 conservation is the type of person who gives in to inertia, paralyzing all areas of his life.  To drain the basic anguish, it feeds a ghostly omnipotent world that does not reveal a true position of independence.  And with submission she does nothing but neurotically maintain a staunch defense of her inner world.

Selfish and greedy

The E6 conservation harbors the «crazy» idea that material resources, and also affective ones, are scarce and that the most basic can always be lacking, with a threat to one's own survival.  From this erroneous perception derives his worried and, therefore, selfish attitude towards material things and emotional relationships. This selfishness manifests itself in an attitude of automatically putting oneself before others, as a worried reaction to the constant fear of not being up to the tasks that life proposes.  At first, this fear is not conscious, and when it is, it is seen as ego-dystonic, as something wrong to be ashamed of, something that should not happen.

Nebulous

The way of thinking of E6 conservation is always oriented to the future or the past.  It is functional to the need, for security, to anticipate anything that may happen and to be in conditions of facing difficulties, and directly proportional to the lack of confidence in their ability to achieve it. Thinking about the past, on the other hand, is functional to maintaining control over possible mistakes made through the feeling of guilt, with the aim of correcting the action and thus obtaining safer results.  The feeling of guilt is also a defense mechanism against pain, which cannot be abandoned. Feeling comes after thought, which conditions it.  As Hegel states: "If the emotions are not consistent with thought, so much the worse for the emotions."  Control, above all, the emotions that could lead to discrepancies with significant people.  It is difficult for you to allow yourself a moment to be without doing or thinking anything, unless you obtain the permission of someone whose authority you recognize.  When this happens, the authorization to "not do" is very pleasant. His thoughts are apparently logical, but only on a superficial level;  at their deep core they are indefinite and hazy.  This helps him not to define himself before others, a strategy that maintains the absence of deep commitment and avoids confrontation and conflict.  In reality, the emotions controlled in this way come back in a strong and often dysfunctional way at the moment when thought does not offer a good solution to problems.

Inhibited

The warm Six is inhibited, both in its sexual expression and in aggression.  His hesitant character is a hesitation between his impulses and an equally intense fearful inhibition of impulses, which originated in a fear of the father or, more broadly, of authority figures, and has perpetuated a strong superego.  He is the typical childlike, lifelong "good boy" or "good little girl" personality: someone who tries too hard to live up to prevailing ethics and other people's expectations, with an ingratiating attitude, often smiling.

Insecure

Very different from the schizoid E5, who is a true loner, his distant character is that of a shy person who stays away for fear of disturbing or insecurity, but who actually feels a great desire for closeness, and satisfies his need for emotional support with a few relationships.

Slow

It is always a very laborious process for E6 conservation to make a decision.  Or simply move: due to his fear of change, it is easier for him to perpetuate a situation than to move forward and face another.  This deliberate slowness, coupled with the tendency to create a haze to obscure the clarity of things (as a squid protects itself with its ink), slows him down in movement and thought.  Like the fool in fairy tales who, for fear of thinking for himself, is too innocent or too easy to exploit.

Dreamer

He is more of a dreamer than a director: he substitutes reality for fantasy, here is another component of his apparent idiocy.  A certain inefficiency is the other side of his inclination towards the inner life and noble ideals. The inhibition of emotional expression makes him a hypersensitive and fantasizing character, to the extent that it blocks action and instinctive spontaneity. For a strategy that is oriented towards controlling commitment and delivery, dreaming of a merger with the other is more functional than a relationship between two defined identities, which would one day or another lead to confrontation.

No right

An E6 conservation always feels like a stowaway: someone who got on board without paying the ticket: in the family, in love, at work.  He is the disinherited heiress, the wife left at the altar, the laid-off worker.  It is as if the shadow of these eventualities never left him, always present.

Suspicious (Suspicaz)

The E6 conservation is always on the alert, looking for clues and hidden meanings (unlike the E3, which wants to have everything under control).  Thinks too much.  You also need instructions.  As a good distrustful person, he resolves conflicts relying on logic.  While the E7 uses intellect as strategy, the E6 displays a fanatical loyalty to reason.  To feel safe, he adopts the method of searching for problems (paranoia): he must have them in order to solve them later.

EMOTIONALITY AND FANTASY

E6 conservation is the most emotional of the three subtypes. The deeply cerebral nature of the Six ennea causes all emotion to be dissected and interpreted. Each one must understand the cause-effect relationship and postulate the present and future consequences. It's like spending time taking your fever, or like a meteorologist who is constantly monitoring the temperature, pressure, and humidity of the internal emotional environment (in addition to monitoring the external one, of course). This monitoring is motivated by fear of an internal world that cannot be fully trusted, which seems dangerous to them: it can be cannibalized, overwhelmed by emotions.

Regarding the issue of pain and fear of mental illness and suffering, in the SAT 1 I feared losing control if I did experience the fear. Probably because I have always behaved like an adapted child and I was not allowed to show sadness and fear deeply.

Positive emotions are filtered, measured, distilled. The negative ones-fear, sadness, anguish, anxiety-are frequent and he learns to analyze them in all their nuances. They are directed towards something that can be handled, they are slowed down, they are diluted with others, or are relieved by fantasy, idealization and magical thoughts.

There are shared emotions and unexpressed ones. In my childhood story, the family context "allowed" me to express joy and satisfaction, while inhibiting the expression of anger or frustration through crying. If I got angry, it was my whim, or it caused hilarity because it was ridiculous; if I cried, I was "playing the victim." Therefore, I learned to inhibit some emotions that were disapproved of or mocked. I learned to be accommodating and to refine my dialectical skills to defend my causes; to use the rationalization in place of the expression of anger.

My mother is a sexual E4, who considered crying a manifestation of weakness or victimhood, and my father, a sexual E5, avoids emotional expressions. With them I learned that sadness and crying were personal issues to be expressed in the privacy of my mind or my room. Of course, the latter did not exist either: there was no knock on the door, and even locking it was considered an act of rebellion and was prohibited because it prevented my mother's constant control. There was nothing left but to sob at night, the only time I didn't feel controlled, disapproved and judged.

It is true that all this control of anger, frustration and sadness brought crises with it. In some moments of tension or school stress, I would "explode" with scenes of anger, especially towards my mother, with rage and crying. In any case, they were isolated and sporadic moments.

Anger is taboo; as soon as it arises, it deviates, it attenuates; as if its uncontrolled manifestation could lead to self-destruction. It is noticed and even manifests itself, but for a very short time: its intensity is unsustainable, it triggers unprecedented anxiety. A few minutes, if there is no other remedy, when it is a matter of life or death, but there is also no psychological structure that allows it to sustain it for longer. At most you can take a passive-aggressive or controversial attitude, fantasizing future revenge but without carrying it out. It is the emotion denied of the E6 conservation.

I still have a hard time giving legitimacy to my anger. I don't allow myself to express it often. And if I'm angry, I deny it. It comes to me, I begin to feel it but I don't express it. I rationalize and contain it until at a certain moment I explode, in a fiery dialectical torrent.

It is as if there was no balanced modulation of the expression of anger. I have realized that this turns me into a pressure cooker, a dormant volcano that suddenly explodes, so I have learned to use my body, instead of rationalization. From the outset I express anger by slamming the door, or I unload doing things with my hands in a second phase, instead of exploding. When, a few hours later, the internal accuser has calmed down in its search to attribute the blame to someone or something, and the body has been able to release the tension, I can grant myself a relief that has a more dialectical and constructive flavor than of accusation and anger.

E6 conservation is overwhelmed by both the awakening of the primary wound and the idea that he has not done what he should and that in the end it is his fault if things have turned out that way.

I have a real taboo with anger. Faced with the injustices of which I feel a victim, it is hard for me to feel it. I always think that I deserve what happens to me. Somehow I have to justify the person attacking me.

As soon as it arrives, I divert the anger towards myself. In Rio de Janeiro I was the victim of some corrupt police officers who intimidated me, and to whom I had to give money to make them leave. I didn't feel anger towards them but towards myself for having fallen into the trap, for not having been able to foresee the damage. I wasn't scared enough!

Furthermore, a kind of atavistic feeling of guilt subliminally justifies all the injustices committed against me. If the hotel gives me a room with a bad view, it's hard for me to go to reception and ask for another one because I think it's somehow fair that way (maybe I arrived late that day and there weren't others, or I have a discounted rate and so I don't "deserve" a room with good visas)

Control of emotional intensity

If it is not easy for you to express those emotions such as anger, which could lead you to a conflict with the other, it is not easy to live openly the positive emotions that can shorten the emotional distance too much: the positive intensity must be controlled in the same way as the negative one. It is difficult for him to verbalize how much the other cares in an affective relationship: first he rationally drives away the emotion and then, if he feels it despite everything and is about to express it, he censors it. Phrases like: "You are the love of my life" or "I would feel lost without you" have to be "ripped off" and, even if they are pronounced, they are almost always followed by a distancing (a laugh, an ironic phrase...). The expression of emotional intensity is also controlled in the face of loss. Giving in to pain openly, especially in the presence of others, is not acceptable because they fear judgment or mistrust prevails that the other can effectively comfort or contain. The convictions that "I have to manage alone" and "better to be strong" predominate. These beliefs are rooted in a childhood experience in which parental figures send the message, explicit or implicit, that we should not rely on the help of others and that being weak is a source of danger. Some life stories evoke great shame when the child, in expressing his emotions, is judged and feels deeply inadequate.

As a child I had a great sense of rhythm and I liked to play the drums. My father did not want to buy it for me (even in the "toy" version) because he thought that this type of music was typical of those who wasted their time and did not finish anything. One afternoon I was in my room listening to rock at full volume; I was frantically banging my hands against the table. Without my noticing, my father entered the room from behind and smacked me all the harder unexpectedly: Good! he exclaimed contemptuously. “This is how you spend your days... How nice!” I still remember, after many years, the humiliation and shame I felt.

Control of emotional intensity leads him to end up excluding joy and enthusiasm, which are too “visible”. Thus, it progressively assumes a sad, melancholic and worried emotional tone. The path that leads to overcoming character conditioning involves recovering the «permission to be happy» that puts this subtype in contact with their forgotten «natural child» who, before learning to be ashamed and control himself, manifested happiness and satisfaction.

When I had too much fun, eventually something precious would break and the fun would turn into tragedy.

As a child, the prevailing moods alternated between the excitement of having fun or waiting for a game or a walk, and the moments of sadness that followed. That's how I felt on Sundays, not to mention the end of summer vacation or Christmas.

My brother encouraged me to personify objects that had a life of their own and with which I spoke: balloons, the pillow, earplugs... The drama came when they were thrown into the trash, with catastrophic fantasies about their suffering in the landfill or lost in the cold street. It broke my heart and sometimes I cried uncontrollably.

The fantasy

Fantasy is indispensable to the E6 conservation. All of the paranoid part feeds on big and small, daily, constant catastrophic fantasies. They are like a background noise of which he is hardly aware, but which accompanies all his steps. It's like living perennially in parallel worlds. Anticipate the future with fantasies that are not only negative but also positive. imagining every possible development, from the triumphant to the disastrous. With the past he racks his brains not only remembering but also what could have happened. He imagines different scenarios, as if a time machine allowed him to go back to that day, to that moment in which he did not say or did what he had to, to see "what would have happened if..." he had taken another path. And when things in life go wrong, use fantasy to even imagine a different present: an alternate reality that comforts the pain he feels in the real world, clinging to symbols or coincidences.

I idealize idyllic work or friendly situations that seem harmonious and authentic to me, to later discover that this is not the case,

Since in my world there was no love, I didn't control anything and I didn't have a group of faithful friends, I imagined another world in which I had love, friends, and where I was able to gain control; an unreal, imaginary world, but one in which I submerged daily to escape from a reality so greedy for certainties and affective stimuli that I could have fallen into despair if I had not had that space of control and fantasy.

The E6 conservation reviews everything with its possible endings, positive or paranoid. In situations of uncertainty that make you enter a crisis, like when you wait for the results of an exam or an analysis, in your mind a movie unfolds that lives in full detail. Your brain constantly anticipates events. What will be the next crisis, the next disease? He clings to all possible fears. Sometimes he uses fantasy as if it were candy, to alleviate fear: he returns to some negative event and imagines a different ending for it, which alleviates, calms. It is as if the imagination of E6 conservation never took off towards the development of creativity; he uses it to control tomorrow or rewrite yesterday. Relive the past putting fantasy at the service of an impossible search: not to make mistakes, sniffing out every detail like a detective after a guilty party. As for the future, the imagination is oriented to control eventual dangers and painful emotions, structuring itself as obsessive programming. But also to generate another image of himself, "heroic". I believe that I am intellectually wonderful, that I can go very far, I invent plans and at that moment I feel that I can carry them out, I see them done. The conservation Six needs to be around people with greater decision-making capacity, whom he seduces with his expression and soft, sweet and complacent behavior. Many times he also feels anger towards those people on whom he depends. She is not allowed to express it directly, but in the end it slips out when she least expects it, which damages the relationship. Then he feels guilty and tries to suppress his aggressiveness even more, which increases anxiety and a feeling of helplessness. Fantasy is at the service of fear. It is not constructive imagination, at the service of the action, but in the function of defending against the eventual reaction of the other, especially what he is going to think. It is difficult for him to bear the idea of ​​being considered a bad person. He wins the sympathy of the possible enemy with a docile and smiling attitude that disarms his aggressiveness. Another function of fantasy is to alleviate anxiety through solutions that by the mere fact of having been imagined it is as if they had come true. Imagination replaces action, in a kind of hallucinatory satisfaction of needs.

CHILDHOOD

Fear and rage

These concerned individuals experienced threatening circumstances in childhood that required an effective action to protect the Being. This protection was obtained by splitting the invulnerable/powerful emotional state of anger from the vulnerable/impotent one of the desire for consolation, so that the behavior was guided by one or the other of both aspects, depending on the circumstances. Alternating these two strategies works like the “pull of the rope”: I protest (and pull the rope) to get attention until the other gets angry, and then I loosen the rope and take a disarming attitude that makes him angry. desist from any vengeful purpose. Fear is the common base from which the two polarities start: anger (he gets angry because he is scared) and the desire to be comforted (he longs for protection for that very reason). By contaminating conservation, it touches aspects of material life in which the individual fears that he will not be able to cope and end badly.

For me, fear is feeling that there is no protection, that there is no security, that we are one step away from death, from the cold, from poverty, from illness, of abandonment; that no one can save me. I protect myself from the unforeseen, and I never travel without having booked a hotel and the anxiety of missing the plane reaches such an obsessive intensity that it ruins whole vacation days. For many years my ingrained fear was that my mother might die.

The threat of abandonment

During infancy, fear is often fueled by threats of abandonment from the mother: "If you don't behave, I'll leave you"; and then "you can't manage without me."

When I was little, my mother used to repeat in an ironic tone (and I couldn't discern what was true in her words) a phrase that deeply disturbed me: «You will look for me and you will not find me»; hinting that one day she would be gone (would she die? laugh?) and that I was going to be in desperate need of her.

These threats of abandonment have the effect of conditioning the behavior of the child, who learns to control his needs givens and their impulses:

I learned to suppress my needs and my demands to avoid disappointment, even though I was boiling inside. I felt an energy and intelligence inside, an irrepressible, inexhaustible desire to know, to know, to feel, but also a total fear: that of losing my mother. My mother always talked about her own death and its consequences (orphanage, or being left in the care of "that useless" father), provoking in my mind the "crazy" idea that nothing is certain, that everything can disappear. in a second, that behind every moment of tranquility and security hides ruin and disaster

They didn't threaten me with the "coconut", but with: Be careful! That if mom dies you end up in an orphanage, your father won't want to be with you, you'll end up alone. It was the fear of abandonment, of being orphaned.

The blame

The feeling of guilt is one of the outstanding features in the life histories of the E6 conservation. It is indefinite, not delimitable and, therefore, irremediable, as in Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment.

I have felt a lot of guilt. If, walking into a room, I sensed someone's discontent or bad mood, I would blame myself and begin to think about what I would have done to cause it. At school, the same: if the teacher had to punish someone, she was afraid it would be me.

In my family my mother, especially, used to make me feel responsible for her moods: if she felt bitter or angry, the responsibility was mine because I had not eaten enough or had not studied; there must have been something I had done that had put her in a bad mood. This attitude of my mother has been the reason for my difficulty in freely living spontaneity, and for my adapted and ingratiating attitude. It was horrible to live with the conviction that my behaviors could harm the people I loved; I felt like I was in an invisible straitjacket.

As a child I came to think that my actions could even cause the death of my mother, from precarious health. Carlos Saura, in Cría cuervos, describes this experience very well, with the protagonist girl who is convinced that she is responsible for the death of her father, whom she would have inadvertently poisoned with the tea that she had brought to bed

Family conflict

The fear of conflict is a consequence of the climate, during childhood, of confrontation between two or more members of the family: being “docile” is the only possibility to avoid being involved in a discussion from which one would emerge, he is convinced, “ to pieces":

I saw the open conflict between my mother and my father, between my mother and her mother, between my mother and my aunt, between my mother and my brother: shouting, accusations and a desire to impose one's own will. This is where the horror of conflict is born, being “terribly docile”, the almost impossibility of punching the table, resorting to force and assertiveness, being completely opposed to fighting, to direct confrontation.

The E6 conservation speaks of his troubled childhood in a torrent of words, seeks your agreement with his point of view, and tries to engage in complicity against his family members, hoping that you will give him the thoughts he needs. If you appear puzzled that the situation was as problematic as he describes it, he may paranoidly suspect that you have ganged up with his family against him.

My childhood was marked by the abnormal family situation in which I was born: a totally absent father, and a masculine, authoritarian, castrating and self-castrating mother, raised in turn by a harsh and ruthless mother. My mother had assumed the parental role, working full time and being home only a small part of the time. I had a very welcoming, feminine aunt, who played the maternal role, but whose affection I did not feel authorized to reciprocate so as not to trigger my mother's jealousy.

The past returns

In his account, one often observes a collapse of time into a focal point located in the present, in which things have always been the same and continue to be. Stories from early childhood are mixed with recent events. Moods from the past are reactivated and influence current behavior.

The world is so terrible that to escape the fear it gives me, I think the only solution is to be good, docile, silent, and in this way I hope I can avoid my destiny, death or that total abandonment, that "ending up in an orphanage" that was the main, absolute fear. Do not demand anything. Do not pretend anything. Ask only indirectly. Avoid disappointment. The fantasy is that you don't have to ask the Cosmos for anything because the answer will be: “No”.

Fantasy

Fantasizing is the way to escape from a reality perceived as cold and hostile, and from the feeling of helplessness and loneliness.

I liked comics; I read and reread them. At the age of seven I began to create my stories; he told me, he did not write them, he chose the titles of the episodes and wrote them down in a notebook. He spent entire afternoons alone and fantasized; He played with a ball for hours and hours, or else with a cane that he repeatedly hit against the floor. In my fantasies I was a brave hero, with a group of faithful friends; love reigned and the protagonist was the beloved leader of a team of heroes willing to defy Evil and overcome the most incredible adversities.

Mother

The mother often represents a strong model that, especially for the girl, is difficult to imitate:

My mother has always faced everything with strength and a lot of nervousness. She has done what was necessary taking care of me, my brother, my grandmother, my father, the house, the purchase, the housework, the receipts... She took care of absolutely everything without neglecting anything. I admired her strength, not the physical strength but the mental and psychological one. I felt much more fragile.

In the life histories of E6 conservation, an attachment to the mother characterized by discontinuity can be seen from the beginning. The word is «deceit», understood as the unpredictable alternation of approval/support and indifference. This is the origin of the neurotic need for «warmth» -as a search for stability- and of the consequent development, as a child, of a pusillanimous seduction (to make oneself love and condescend) as an instrument to control unpredictability.

On the one hand, the mother who did not grant “permission” to live, who demanded silence, obedience, and school performance. On the other, the mother who was impossible not to love, because she was the only parent I had. A mother from whom I could not separate myself, to the point that, during adolescence, I reached an emotional symbiosis, the inability to separate my molecules from hers, as if we were united by an icy but inextricable embrace. My mother, who has been like a father to me, got into my soul, abolishing the limit between her and me, with our voices that are confused, I who am she, she who is you

I don't love my mother, but I think (I thought) that without her I could only die. Even when reality has shown that this is not the case, when I break up with her, a part of me fears all kinds of misfortunes caused by the lack of a mother figure.

The father

The father is introduced in this picture as one of the main causes of the affective intermittence of the mother, who is torn between love for her son and the relationship with her spouse. According to a "classic" Oedipal dynamic, when the father appears on the scene, the mother would not do it, but she is forced to obey a man, "abandons" or "betrays" her son, letting it be understood that if she is selfish (fable in which all adolescence believes, coming to hate the father, perceived as the cause of the mother's unhappiness and her own frustration). The early experience of impotence will form an important basis of character. Passivity frequently manifests itself in early play fantasies, sometimes with sadistic elements. By inflicting cruel punishment on the protagonists, he exorcizes the feeling of powerlessness in front of his father, projecting his revenge on neutral characters, since it would be unacceptable for him to admit his strong desire for revenge against father. In many stories the figure of the father is, like that of the mother, unpredictable and inconstant, to the point of being emotionally threatening: Seeing a person who changes in everything and for everything, who is consumed by nicotine, who loses weight, who is afraid to sleep, who speaks in a chaotic and confused way, but above all who becomes a danger to himself And for the people you love...

This happened when I was little, and I imagined that this sullen and irascible man, with strange gestures, was not my father but a substitute, a kind of Martian who would replace him for about a month.

The father is perceived as distant or immersed in his problems. Affective manifestations towards him can be limited by a kind of modesty to express an affective need, when noticing a distance and embarrassment.

My father is an introverted man, even somewhat hermetic, a lover of reading, politics and painting, emotionally distant, not very protective.

The father, who should teach the things of life, has a catastrophic vision or lives in the clouds, building castles in the air or with fantasies of grandeur.

My father, in his madness and in the very few moments that we met when I was a child, with his magical and romantic idea of ​​the vine, his feeling great, the "Duke of Guarnaccia", a kind of decadent nobleman of whom I was the firstborn, instilled in me this "bottom of the sea" that stops my fall when I plunge into the abysses of despair, this sensation of being blessed by the gods, by luck, predestined to glory. A crazy idea, rejected, the object of a thousand feelings of guilt, but one that has saved me every day of my life.

On other occasions, he is a weak figure that conveys insecurity.

During my childhood I was docile, smiling, good and capable; I tried to cheer up my father in difficult moments because they were always afraid that he could get worse and die. This wound is actually an archaic fear of death, not mine but my father's. A good part of my life has been focused on his discomfort.

Often the father “demands” from the child higher benefits than are due.

I have a brother four years older than me; when I was seven or eight, he was already a teenager. Sometimes the three of us played (my brother, my father and I) and I always lost. Sometimes I don't understand the rules but, in order to play, I pretend to have understood them.

The image of the couple of parents in the childhood of the E6 conservation is not solid and happy: although there is no open conflict that has "frozen" it. The mother usually manipulates the image of the father before the son or daughter. In general, the absence of a lived parent as a guide is observed; thus, E6 conservation spends his life looking for teachers to mediate between him and the world.

Brothers

The relationship with siblings is marked by comparison, actively directed by the parents, and to which he often reacts with avoidance and passivity. The comparison is overwhelming and a source of anxiety due to a feeling of inferiority and helplessness.

As a child, my brother was rebellious: at school, at home; in some cases he was very violent even with me, because he was jealous because of the constant comparisons that were made between him and me. When I was three years old, he knocked out two of my teeth with a metal cane "because I wouldn't obey him." I clearly felt that he would have preferred that I did not exist, that I stole the stage and then punished me, but I did everything possible to make him accept me. I followed him everywhere and I think that exasperated him even more. They used to punish him because of his character; I once witnessed a scene where my father was chasing him with a whip (used for horses).

Other times, the perception is that of a preference for the other sibling on the part of the mother. The competition between siblings is a negative experience from which you always lose and, therefore, should also be avoided in life.

My brother was very alert and intelligent, which is why he manages to follow my father in his hobbies, like model airplanes, in which I was a disaster. I felt that I was meant to understand everything quickly to be able to participate in their games, without patience. no one stimulates me so that you develop practical capabilities and therefore discouraged by a precociously “technological” brother, I prefer to read or take refuge in fantasy

Loneliness

The feeling of loneliness usually accompanies the stories about the childhood of E6 conservation:

I was a "good boy": obedient, perfect in school, very intelligent, with few demands. I would quietly stand aside and read, fantasize; I had two dolls and a shoebox to create my kingdom. My games were very cerebral and manifested a spirit of control. I had built a city of shoeboxes, each with its furniture and its inhabitants, of which I was the King; each time he assembled it, he did it with the same sequence, according to a map of the city that was always the same.

Loneliness originates from the feeling of not being understood, which then feeds the constant desire for a closeness that he lacked in childhood:

I have always liked having friends around, since I was little, and even today loneliness makes me suffer. I need to establish deep relationships with the people around me and to feel supported by them.

PERSON AND SHADOW: WHAT IS DESTRUCTIVE FOR THEMSELVES AND FOR OTHERS

Selfishness

A conservation E6 becomes dangerous to others when, to protect himself, he does what he knows best in difficult times: disappear, "evaporate."

When I think of all the times in my life that I "disappeared," leaving others in a disastrous situation, I feel ashamed. I forget about friendship, about each other's needs, even about my debts of gratitude. And I can't honestly say that it's always due to feeling gripped by fear. Many times it has been out of selfishness; admitting it in all its crudeness costs me horrors.

The shadow of E6 conservation, the secret that he does not want to admit, is that behind so much warmth and docility, hides the crazy idea that when all is lost, he will be saved; will take the last lifeboat, the only parachute. In the catastrophe, the one who will be saved will be him because in some way it corresponds to him: his whole life has been an exercise in survival. And he will not give up: he will go over everyone's corpses in order to survive. This is the shady idea, because apparently the E6 conservation is docile, warm, a puppy. It is like the animals that play dead or blend in with the environment to survive predators.

If I have to tell it like it is, I must admit that you will not think twice about saving me before the others. Deep down, for what I care! And when I say these things to myself, I get scared of the monster that I feel I carry inside.

An E6 conservation knows, somewhere in his hidden self, that he would do anything to save his life. But this potential violence is a repressed aspect, the great taboo that must never be revealed. Behind the warmth and docility lies the possibility of harm: that is the great secret, the dark side that, if it comes to light, is the object of all possible feelings of guilt, purely unacceptable.

At times, when I feel stressed and am subjected to injustice or harassment, I think that I really could be a murderer. Sometimes I imagine myself as that ripper who smears the walls with blood. Others, like a large-scale exterminator, cold, lucid and organized.

Identification with the adversary

The great handicap of the warm Six is identifying with the adversary, not knowing how to side with himself, instinctively thinking that the opinion of others is fair, that if someone (especially someone whom he recognizes a certain kind of power) says something that's what you should do. It is difficult for him to recognize his own power, his right. This is the most destabilizing and invalidating aspect of his character.

The victim

The "good boy" or "bunny" strategy has the side advantage of not taking responsibility. This character is never expressed directly, he does not reveal what he really thinks, justifying himself internally that it is because of his doubts, but in reality he is overwhelmed by the fear of being confronted or of making mistakes.

I discovered that it scares me to be right. It's always the same story: if I start to be right and they give it to me, the enemies increase and organize to get rid of me. Long ago, I didn't understand why I was terrified of fires and I couldn't watch movies or read novels that talked about heretics or witches being sent to the stake. Now it is clear to me that if I told the truth, I would easily end up at the stake, and maybe it already happened in a previous life...

When it is time to render accounts, this inhibition allows him to criticize the other or feel like his victim, keeping himself safe from any type of accusation. Let's just say he could easily be guilty of "omission." This way of proceeding also safeguards him against eventual failures: by hiding, he is not exposed to a "realistic" judgment by others.

As a child, I was very cunning. I knew that my mother's motto (E4 sexual) was not «all for one and one for all» (as she used to say) but «one for all and all for me» (me = my mother). They never hit me because cunning made me avoid slaps. In reality, I received them on a psychological level, because she told me: "You are alive... you will retire on time."

In intimate relationships, cowardice leads him not to commit himself and to erect a wall of silence that prevents the other from confronting him. Exposing yourself makes the person next to you impatient, but you have the advantage of ending up "innocent" in the event of a conflict.
His not exposing himself impatiently to the person next to him, but has the advantage of ending up being "innocent" in case of conflict.

Withdrawal as revenge

The ideal of "non-violence" covers up the fear of exposing oneself with an "ethical" argument about how good those who do not fight are and how evil should befall the violent. The separation between good and evil and fanaticism cover cowardice with a mask of compassion. The feeling of guilt that constantly accompanies people of this character is a smoke screen that hides a real contact with genuine guilt, understood as the adequate recognition of damage caused to another. The E6 conservation protects itself with the guilt of the accusations: I accuse myself before you do and in this way I disarm you, I take away the possibility of saying something against me. If that were not enough, silence and withdrawal will be the most severe revenge because they take away from the other the possibility of understanding and, by refusing as interlocutors, it is impossible to confront them.

Contempt

Another fundamental aspect of the shadow is the great critical and judgmental component, which the E6 conservation does not externalize for fear of creating a conflict. Modest and humble on the outside, he hides a contemptuous side towards the majority. It is a head cutter, but it cuts them only within itself, while externally it is docile. Deep down, despite his insecurity, he harbors an omnipotent idea in his abilities. «I could go where I wanted». By not really testing himself to the last consequences, he can maintain this narcissistic illusion, compensating for the frustration produced by adapting to the world.

I thought my schoolmates were a bit "silly" and superficial to assuage feeling inadequate and fear of talking nonsense. She told me that I was superior to them (on the outside she was timid, good, not very confrontational). I was on good terms with all of them (I was voted "best partner" twice) but there were only one or two whom I considered friends.

The accusation

Guilt is a constant of this great self-accuser, but the shadow, if it could be seen in all its magnitude, would reveal him as a relentless accuser of the world: nothing that others do is right; everything is wrong and should be redone. Behind the façade of docility there is a dictator who would submit us all to his orders. Typical of E6 conservation is a reaction to the accusation in three "acts": First inner reaction: "Someone must be to blame." Second reaction: "Have I not done something wrong?" Third reaction: I look around suspiciously (to make sure they don't suspect me and to see if there is someone to blame). The self-accuser wants to accuse.

The power

If at first the conservation E6 is dependent and seeks protection, its shadow side creates dependency on the other to obtain power and thus control the relationship. to defend against loss. This implies manipulating, something that is not uncommon in a character used to lying, who thinks that if he tells the truth he can lose the other.

I think sometimes I get to invade with my maternal attitude. It's like trying (unconsciously) to create dependency on the other to, in turn, feel protected. I shower him with attention so that he doesn't have anything to say about me, so that he doesn't abandon me. This means having the other under control (it gives more security!). And be insistent when I see that something is not going as I suppose it should go.

This is a very denied aspect: The chronic fear of rejection and abandonment develops an enormous desire for possession, which manifests itself in a refined and underhanded way. With his availability and tolerance towards all the whims and incontinence of the other, he never comes to a confrontation but exercises a self-sacrifice and devotion that intoxicates. He goes to the background and foregrounds the needs of the other until they have become indispensable in his life. All this happens in a very subtle, imperceptible way, like a spider weaving its web, in which the other ends up being a prisoner.

Dependence! Nice word to point out someone who, «disguising», created dependency in order to depend in turn. The need for protection was great and the fear of being abandoned was even greater. So, it was a matter of ensuring the presence of the other so as not to feel abandoned! To be good, obedient, trustworthy, even when inside there was a: Go to hell!

The method is gratitude: make the other be eternally grateful to you. For this, he sacrifices himself "heroically", he appears committed; not as a superficial person, but as someone who knows how to accept the pain and sadness of the other and who, therefore, can support it even in the most difficult moments (like Hegel's slave). This is how a docile person can exercise power over someone very strong; he does not realize what is happening and only much later does he understand that it depends totally. No one else will give you that recognition and submission, which have become a drug. The other's desire to be admired is his weak point.

Aggressiveness

If the conservation E6 is docile when he is afraid, when he feels "in a safe place" and can express all that part of himself that he normally represses, he is relentless. The inhibited aggressiveness then emerges with all its violence and suddenly becomes ruthless:

There was a lot of fear of expressing aggressiveness within the family. That made me powerless. It became bad: for example, if my brother provoked me, knowing that his foot hurt, I was capable of stepping on it. Afterwards I felt bad... But I had stepped on it.

As Claudio Naranjo says, Eneatype Six does not know that he lives with a crocodile hidden in the toilet: the difference between a "beginner" neurotic E6 and a "worked" neurotic E6 is that, in the case of the latter, the crocodile is already spinning around the house... and the person still doesn't realize it. The relationship with aggressiveness? Well! This is a serious issue... It becomes fear of violence, fear of that monster that inhabits us and that is the "bogeyman" of our inner world, which is transformed into a certain moment, in preaching of non-violence... However. Well, the moment comes when one realizes that one is afraid of fear, and that all that "violence" is just a phantom. He presents himself as a peaceful person but hides an elf, a provocative leprechaun who mocks the other. can be very subtle and concealed, and still, hurt. "Sometimes I look like a squirrel with nails”, says an E6 conservation. It is a childish aggressiveness, which sometimes emerges at full power and can transform into violence towards people and objects. What the person denies, however difficult to accept, is the desire for punishment: to hurt those who have hurt them.

Many times I found myself transforming my desire for revenge into a hyper-understanding that sees what is behind the behavior of the other and justifies it. The desire to "make them pay" is transformed into a kind of defensive empathy that prevents the aggressive experience from being activated. Anger is felt as if it were evil and, therefore, its legitimacy is taken away.

The desire for self-affirmation

His avoidance of competition and repression of the desire for self-assertion and success is another aspect of the shadow. The E6 Conservative appears cooperative, but is actually secretly competitive and wants to assert himself, even to the detriment of others. It is as if a taboo prevented him from confessing it openly. On the other hand, he would seem to give little importance to the judgment of others, but in reality he is very picky and can feel deeply hurt, without admitting it because it would be a sign of weakness.

I had a hard time admitting that a disapproving gesture or word, not only from some figure I recognized as an authority, but also from people I didn't think could have an influence on my life, made me feel bad. I used to often spend hours thinking about a word spoken. It was as if that word was always there, in the background, ready to come back to the fore as soon as I finished thinking about other things that had priority at that moment.

Repressed instinctiveness

The good boy or good girl mask also falls into the sphere of sexuality. Behind its sweet and sentimental appearance, the E6 conservation represses an instinctive part to which it has access only in certain situations of freedom, where it can allow itself the excesses that it usually controls. Erotic love is the most lacking and the least lived and allowed in this character, which always lives sexuality in a sentimental context and denies the possibility of living its inner animal, focused on the search for one's own pleasure. It is difficult for them to lose control completely but it is easy, on the other hand, for them to find themselves in risky situations as a reaction to a normality that is too controlled. The same with regard to rules and duty. Unlike the social subtype, the conservation one hides an antisocial that, if it does not manifest itself, it is only for fear of the consequences. However, his transgression assumes tones of rebellion rather than the satisfaction of a true instinctive need. That is why it usually ends in outcomes that confirm the basic idea that he should not transgress because he will be discovered and punished. Since he is neither very skillful nor strategic, and also exaggerates the transgression, the E6 conservation ends up "caught".

The most denied aspect is explosiveness; I am afraid of it because it could harm me or others. As a child my vitality was penalized; My parents wanted me to be a good and educated child, they constantly scolded me when I manifested my instinctive part: I was obliged to be respectful and restrained; they wanted me to stay still.

This is how I learned not to feel my vitality, which later became the sensation of carrying a bomb inside ready to explode. When something happens to me that could trigger it, for example an injustice, I try not to get angry or I walk away, physically or mentally, and distract myself with other things.

LOVE

Admiring love, caring love and erotic love

Regarding the three main forms of love (according to Claudio Naranjo, paternal love of an admiring-devotional type, maternal love of a caring-compassionate type, and infantile, erotic-sensual love), the E6 conservation finds, from the outset, difficulties to express admiration and devotion, because admiration and appreciation have been lacking in his life. An admiration and appreciation that have often come together, in the father figure, with threats and punishment. So the E6 conservation has confused authority with authoritarianism and, therefore, suspicion and distrust make it difficult for him to admire a teacher, a teacher, a guide. Admiration is always mixed with this conflict with authority, which prevents him from surrendering to the devotional aspect. At the same time, the E6 conservation needs to experience a good father, with whom the authority conceived as protection and guide can be lived in its full affective dimension through trust. In reality, his neurotic attitude is that he seeks the protection of an authority figure, rather than an authority figure. In doing so, he prevents himself from having an experience with a good authority and, consequently, ends up rebelling against the very protection he seeks. This search has its origin in a feeling of personal weakness and not in a loving or creative attitude. For this reason, once he finds it, he relativizes it, devalues ​​it, criticizes it, as if there were a taboo, an impossibility of truly giving oneself, of recognizing and loving the superiority of the other with gratitude. On the path of your personal development, one of the most important aspects of transformation is learning that authority and authoritarianism are not so closely linked. This shocks him: it makes him feel all the denied need for reception, and also that there is no shame in seeking authority and protection; in a word, feel the dignity of that necessity. Upon comes a feeling of peace and acceptance. However, this is one of the most difficult stages because the taboos of losing autonomy and giving oneself up and then being betrayed are always present in a paranoid thought that finds confirmation at every step that it is better not to trust. Regarding maternal, caring-compassionate love, the E6 conservation has the ability to feel it for others and for himself and to manifest it. However, it fulfills a manipulative function, because by being protective he feels more secure in being accepted. Caring for others is a commodity to receive attention, recognition and love in return. This manipulative aspect is seen more clearly if we compare it with the underlying egoism of E6, as well as of schizoids in general. It is not a disinterested care, but to obtain a self-validation that it would not achieve otherwise. More than take care of him”, what the conservation Six assures the other is contact and closeness. Somehow, he takes charge of the other's need not to be abandoned, thanks to the projection of his own need and the childhood experience of the relationship with a mother whom he was forced to cling to so as not to leave her "alone". Regarding himself, compassion is very low due to the hypercritical and devaluing aspect of a strong and sometimes ruthless superego. Therefore, taking care of oneself, not only from a physical point of view but also psychologically and emotionally, is often a lacking aspect in E6 conservation.

Deepening the path of self-awareness develops a broader capacity for compassion towards myself and, therefore, a greater willingness to care for myself, to understand myself and to accept my needs and fragility. This goes hand in hand with the awareness of the need to get out of the childish attitude of dependency and to enter adult life. Caring love is then transformed into something more "pure" also towards others, less manipulative; loses its commercial function. It moves on the basis of true generosity, and not from the exchange of «I give to receive».

The third form of love is that of the child, which corresponds to erotic, playful love. Sensual and instinctive love, as the free affirmation of one's desires, contrasts with the decision not to confront others, not to expose one's needs, not to make oneself visible too much, to be prudent, to live a little hidden. Therefore it is the loving facet that E6 conservation develops less, which learns to convince itself that it is not that important either, neither that nor the instinctive side in general. This leads him to choose partners who are not threatening in this regard and who accept this situation. At times you feel astrong lack of the instinctive part and can break the couple pact, The path of transformation passes through erotic love, through the recovery not only of greater freedom, but also of greater joy and satisfaction in living instinctively, and less concern for less controlled aspects of oneself and less controllable aspects of others.

The couple relationship

Already during adolescence, with the appearance of the first sexual desires, the passivity learned in childhood is oriented towards the other sex. A strong desire to be welcomed (evocation of the maternal experience) joins the refuge in melancholic and romantic fantasies, which take the place of action and unexpressed desire. In this adolescent period, crushes are frequent, connoted by a great idealization of the other and often not declared for fear of rejection, and which in some way become a "mortgage" for future relationships, generally characterized by an afflicted attitude that prevents E6 conservation from experiencing lightness and joy in their relationship with the other.

In the third year of high school I fell madly in love with a classmate with whom we also saw each other during the summer, at sea, and to whom I declared myself unsuccessful after great doubts. I kept seeing her in the group of friends and I felt jealous every time she paid attention to another. It was a very strong feeling: I thought of her every day until I finished high school, when it was already clear that our paths had to separate because she had chosen a different faculty from mine.

Conservation E6s are familiar. Given their insecurity, they need a partner as another source of support in their lives.

I married a woman with clear ideas (ennea type One, I think sexual subtype) and with enough energy to carry them out. I felt protected by her side and that protection allowed me to do things that I liked; she helped me choose what I wanted to do, partly discarding my own absurd and unrealizable ideas.

The couple offers them emotional support.

In love, I was always drawn to intensity, to people I appreciated for their energy and passion, whom I felt I could trust and who I could feel an ally to, who appreciated me but could also see my dark, delicate side. and weak (if a person loved me unlimitedly and uncritically, I would doubt his intelligence).

In my long-term relationships, I have always looked for people who would contain me, who would put a brake on me, who in some way felt up to me, but who in other ways depended on me (for example, who did not know how to drive or who had an economic level lower than mine).

Sexuality is usually closely related to affectivity, which becomes a kind of guarantee of self-acceptance also in the sexual aspect, in which there is insecurity and little contact with instinctiveness.

Sex is, above all, a shortcut to gain trust and closeness, intimacy. For years I have only been friends with ex-lovers, and I have often wanted to make love at least once with my friends, as if I could feel close only to people who have perceived my body, who have hugged me at least one night, naked.

Affective relationships are tormented at first, by the feeling of low self-esteem and an avoidance of commitment.

They are often characterized by a "give and take" and, especially at the beginning, can be very confrontational. Its consolidation usually goes through a break with family patterns and a "rebellion" against the father.

At the end of the year I met my future wife. At that time she had a boyfriend, but she began to invite me to parties at her house and an interest in me arose on her part. I say "for her part" because I didn't even dream of it. I saw her older, confident, expert. I didn't even know that we could be together. I didn't even ask myself if I liked it or not, it seemed so out of place to me. But after a summer of exams our relationship was born. Which coincided with my definitive rebellion against the harsh climate at home and with the decision to move to another city and support myself.

During this initial phase, the relationship is fragile and risks breaking up due to insecurity in the choice and doubts, which obscure the perception that the love that unites them can be stronger than the difficulties. Concern about the obstacles to overcome in order to achieve personal autonomy, particularly at a time in life when you are separating from your family of origin, can negatively influence confidence in the future; and the habit of believing that difficulties must be faced can only constitute a serious obstacle to developing a common project.

The beginning of the relationship was tormented because I did not understand: she had left her boyfriend and probably expected a more decisive attitude from me. We spent months of "give and take" before starting a relationship that during the first months was very contentious. It was as if we were both ashamed to say we were a couple; then we started studying together and the relationship became “institutionalized”. I remember that I wrote entire notebooks with reflections on feelings, dreams and, naturally, on problems with my parents. Problems that had increased because, tired of the situation, I started working to go live alone.

The neurotic need for control and the fear of assuming responsibilities (which would seem «irreversible») are other obstacles that materialize in the evolutionary passages after falling in love: the consolidation and officialization of the relationship, the project of Life together and the birth of children are difficult times. The increase in the level of commitment can be perceived as a limitation of one's own freedom and trigger highly intense emotional reactions. Other times, the difficulty in expressing what he thinks derives from the fear of hurting and the consequent guilt: it is unacceptable for him to feel that he is the cause of the other's suffering, especially if he seems weak and in need of his presence.

Not being able to be assertive, say what I think and speak directly also has to do with protecting the other, as if they were very sensitive and I had to take care of them (I think I put myself in their place). I treat it with cotton pads, or if I see that something I'm saying is affecting him, I change it...

This also happens to me with any opinion I say: if I see a bad reaction, I change it and turn what I said around. There are times when I feel like I am moving in a circus with several tracks: what I can say, what I really think, what I feel, and what I anticipate might happen. It is difficult for me to speak directly, because there are too many things at stake every time I give my opinion.

The dependence

Once the relationship is established, the E6 conservation tends to develop a dependency on the partner, especially if it is a protective and strong person.

What sometimes makes me look for a protector is that I see in the other someone who I can take care of for a while, or in areas of life, the surveillance post or control, while I relax or get unstuck, because I trust that he will know what to do, or he will do certain things that I no longer have the energy to attend to or do not interest me so much: so I go and deposit myself in the other.

It is as if, once the initial resistance to trusting the other was overcome, the desire for protection assumed more importance; In this way, E6 conservation goes from mistrust and rejection of the relationship to the opposite polarity: affective dependence.

HISTORICAL PERSON: FRANZ PETER SCHUBERT

A life in the shadow

Several thousand people accompanied Beethoven's coffin on its last journey to the Wahring Cemetery on March 29, 1827. The entire staff of Viennese musicians was there and, among the eight of them who carried the coffin, some were famous, but the sixth, Franz Schubert, was, on the other hand, practically unknown to those present. In his early thirties, until then he had only had a fleeting success, with a brief one-act opera, and had published a few pages for piano and lieder, but had never given a concert in public,3 Schubert (1797-1828) lived most of his life in Vienna as an elusive, withdrawn man who seemed uninterested in his surroundings. He never had a stable job, he did not want to travel around Europe as a pianist or conductor, he did not give important performances or have publishing success. He never married, nor did he have his own house or a fixed income. As S. Sablich writes: No, no and no. From what it seems, a biography of Schubert could be written in successive generations».

3. Nicola and Anna Russano, «Franz Schubert: breve vita di un grande romantico», Prima Pagina Italiana, December 25, 2012, http://www.primapaginaitaliana.it/spettacoli/musica-classica/item/6068-franz  -schubert-brief-vita-di-un-great-romantic.html

As E6 conservationists, Schubert had a complicated relationship with fame and success: he had a quiet and reserved nature, and never asked much of life. For the Viennese, as for all Europeans, Beethoven was the great, only a few composers deserved to be cited alongside him: yes, with due distance. And Schubert was not among them. In his city he was, yes, somewhat famous, but more as a songwriter than orchestral compositions. It was therefore basically a local fame, among other things because Schubert did not leave Vienna, apart from two short trips to nearby Hungary. He did not aspire to success, he was the first great composer in history who was neither a conductor nor a soloist. So he could not be famous either as a performer or as a virtuoso. He settled for composing, page after page, a remarkable amount of music, regardless of whether anyone played it or not. Creating music was a mission for him. He once told a friend: <The state should support me. I came to this world to compose, and that's enough». Franz Peter Schubert was born on January 31, 1797 in Lichtental, a suburb of Vienna. The house on Nussdorfer Strasse, with the emblem of the red crab, is now a museum. Son of a modest school teacher, twelfth child of fourteen, of which only five reached adulthood. Franz had a modest childhood. He grew up in a family atmosphere marked by baptisms and funerals. It was as if life and death were constantly swapping roles according to an indecipherable pattern.

4. S. Sablich, L'altro Schubert, EDT, Turin, 2002, p.2

Historical figure: Franz Peter Schubert

This had to influence the boy, who developed a strong attachment to the mother and a silent hostility towards the father, a self-righteous obtuse authoritarian. This amateur cellist will be the first teacher of the young Franz. The future composer studies singing, organ, piano and harmony. Led by Michael Holzer, organist and parish choirmaster of Lichtental. In 1808, at the age of eleven, he was a singer in the He was captured by the court and, after obtaining a scholarship, managed to enter the Royal Stadtkonvikt in Vienna, where he perfected his musical training under the guidance of the court organist Wenzel Ruczicka and the composer Antonio Salieri. In May 1812, when Franz was fifteen years old, his mother died of typhoid fever. The father remarries the following year with a bourgeois lady who, according to gossip, had been his lover for a long time. Five children were born to the new marriage, four of whom survive. We know little about his relationship with his stepmother, but we can imagine the state of mind of a docile and introverted adolescent in the face of such traumatic events. The first compositions (1811-1812) are quartets written to be interpreted in the family environment. In 1813 Franz Schubert dropped out to attend his father at school. The following year he learned Goethe's poetry, which will be a source of great inspiration for his lieder until death. Inspired by Faust, he composed Margarita en la rueca: it is the birth of the romantic lied, the first great testimony of a new relationship between poetry and music. In 1815 Schubert wrote the Erlkönig; by the end of 1816 he would have written more than five hundred lieder for voice and piano.

5. Giuseppe Volpi, Uno sguardo oltre l'incompiuta. Note his poetic schubertiana. http://www.cameristica.it/Portals/o/locandine/a2k13/20131109-Franz%20 Schubert%20Introduzione%2ogenerale.pdf

That same year, with the help of Franz von Schober and some friends who will finance him throughout his life, he leaves his family and work at his father's school to dedicate himself to music. He lives on what he earns with a few lessons, waiting for Viennese publishers to take an interest in his work. Schubert just wants to write music freely and spend most of his time with his friends. Schubert's group of friends is the prototype of the romantic circle, born of the new figure of the "free artist." The meetings of its members took the name of schubertiadas. Artists, writers, musicians, music lovers, dilettantes and curious people participated. The door was not closed to anyone as long as they knew how to do something: sing, recite, write, paint, dance or compose. They took place at the house of friends or someone rich they knew. Eduard von Bauernfeld writes in his memoirs: The schubertiadas were celebrated among cheerful and lively companions; when the wine flowed like water, the excellent singer Vogl offered us marvelous songs and poor Franz accompanied him until his little fingers would no longer obey him. No composer of the time could completely escape the influence of Beethoven, Mozart, and Haydn; but Schubert, once he had shaped his style, was more personal than any of his contemporaries. He admired Beethoven, but kept his distance.

6. B. Paumgartner, Schubert, Alianza, Madrid, 1992. 7. N.y A. Russano, op. cit.

A serious venereal disease, syphilis, which he had suffered from 1822, undermined his physique. As a result, he was unable to overcome the typhoid fever attack that he had contracted in Eisenstadt during a visit to the grave of Franz Joseph Haydn. He died at only thirty-one years of age on November 19, 1828. There are many traits of Schubert's character that correspond to those of an E6 conservation: shyness, but also a rebellious and transgressive part, the lack of confidence in his pro capacity, the rejection of public success and social visibility, the conflictive relationship with the father and the idealization of the mother, the search for intimacy and protection in friends' environments, the nostalgia for affectionate warmth and the feeling of an orphan and vagabond, and the problematic relationship with money, women and sexuality.

The conflictive relationship with the father and the idealization of the mother

As S. Sablich writes, on the one hand the unresolved conflict with the dominant personality of the father and, on the other, the idealization of the mother figure, determined Schubert's double nature. The Dionysian aspect came from his father who, however, had channeled him into the orthodox sphere of religion and the family. Young Franz, on the other hand, had developed a total aversion for the authority of the pater familias, and a real disgust for family and children. With the father there was a profound lack of communication and a strange mixture of unexpressed hostility and admiration. After his armor of a tough, intransigent and 8. S. Sablich, op.cit. Dogmatic, the father hid his insecurity and anxiety: the wall that separated father and son was never torn down and, although Franz suffered for it, the conflict remained unresolved. In a somewhat autobiographical account of July 3, 1822, Schubert imagines that he is accompanying his father to a banquet from which, unlike his brothers, he feels alienated. For this reason, the father, angry, throws him out of the house. Franz walks away with a heart full of love for those who reject him and leaves for another country. But when he receives the news of his mother's death, he asks to return home and his father does not object. When he sees her, Franz cries and relives the mother's presence, remembering the past. A few days later his father takes him, as in the old days, to his favorite garden and asks him if he likes it: Franz, after much hesitation, tremblingly answers no; then the father hits him and he, with his heart always full of love for the one who rejects him for the second time, takes the path of exile again. The story shows the ambivalence with which Franz is linked to the father figure: on the one hand he feels misunderstood and, on the other, seek their approval and recognition. From a young age, Schubert refused to submit to patriarchal imperatives founded on traditional values ​​of career, religion, and marriage. This cost him many discussions with the family and also had an impact on his affirmation as a composer. Franz saw in his mother, from whom he had grown up far away and whom he had lost very early, a submissive angel, a victim of paternal despotism. From her he had inherited resignation, docility and sweetness. He was tied to his mother by an almost morbid attachment impregnated with complicity and understanding that, however, he did not have many occasions to express through tenderness and affective effusions. The family atmosphere exerted a decisive influence on Schubert's character. Although he was not a careless child, he had to adapt very early to the rigid rules of a modest family life. However, there was “another family” in which the young Franz grew up: that of the students of his father's school, located, at first, in the premises next to his house: house, family and school were practically only one thing and the rhythm of the days was marked by school hours and breaks, in which little Franz shared moments with his older brothers and with the other schoolchildren. Here he learned the patriarchal discipline from which he would later try to escape, but also the sociability of belonging to a group and sharing their customs, which would accompany him for the rest of his life.

shyness and discretion

The rules imposed in the Stadtkonvikt were much more severe than those of the family home-school. In addition, the young Franz found himself with a heterogeneous reality, by origin and age, of companions. These comrades from the Imperial Seminary recall a shy and introverted young Franz. On school trips he would stand to the side, staring down at the ground, hands behind his back, always deep in thought. During recess he preferred to be alone or retire in the music room, which everyone avoided because it was cold and damp. The unfinished diary, which he began in 1816, contains delightful adolescent reveries: "Man is like a ball with which chance and passions play." Probably Schubert, as a good shy man, felt easily cornered or mistreated, and was extremely sensitive to the reactions of others. Yet there was something about him that assured him of the devoted affection of his friends. And women, later, will only want to pamper him. He looked like a little doll (he was 1.55 meters tall) chubby (they called him "the little barrel") and he had curly black hair, a rounded nose and a chin with a hazelnut. He had poor vision and always wore glasses. His disposition was gentle, he was always in a good mood; It wasn't difficult to convince him to sit at the piano and improvise a waltz at parties. Friends also called him Schwammerl, that is, little mushroom, because of his large head embedded in a small, thick body. Over time, his character closed off, revealing a melancholic feeling through musical writing, which was the language he preferred. Far from any form of vanity, simple and good with friends, he gave the impression of being a person without character.9° However, those who knew him agree that his character, extremely elusive and reserved, reluctant to fight to conquer - taking a position or asserting himself in his career, presented enigmatic areas divided, if not opposed. One could speak of a Schubert “with two faces”: overflowing and unconventional joy, and a deep melancholy.

The rejection of success and personal affirmation

When in 1808, at eleven years old. Schubert was admitted for the beauty of his voice in the choir of the C Chapel of the Imperial Seminary and 9. Harold C. Schonberg, The Great Composers, Ma non Troppo, Barcelona, ​​2004 10. I. Principe, Schubert, http://cronologia.lleonardo.it/biogra2/schubert.htm

Real, he was a sweet and uncomplicated boy, with great musical talent. Brilliant young man, he immediately asserted his superiority. He quickly became a darling of the seminar, as a fine pianist and violinist, and a prolific composer. The main music teacher realized, at a given moment, that he could no longer teach the boy anything else: "He has learned from God!", they say he said. Shortly after another teacher wrote: If I set out to teach him something new, I knew he already knew it. Consequently, I gave him no real instruction but merely talked to him and watched him in dumb astonishment. Already from his youth Schubert had several occasions to assert himself. He caught the attention of Antonio Salieri, musical director of the court, with whom he was a student of composition. Salieri was one of the most famous composers of his time, he had contacts in all circles and was also Mozart's "beast noire", who could not get very far against him; At that time, the word spread that Salieri had poisoned Mozart, although no evidence of this was ever found. But Schubert did not take advantage of the relationship with the powerful Salieri: he stayed in the seminary with a scholarship to later resign and start studying to be a primary school teacher. In order to secure a sufficient salary, Franz entered the competition for teachers at the German school in Ljubljana. However, and despite Salieri's recommendation, Schubert did not pass the exam. He hated studying and working, although from 1814 to 1818 he was his father's assistant. Unlike Beethoven, Schubert rarely rubbed shoulders with the aristocracy; he was more comfortable with the bourgeois and the bohemians. In 1818, when he left for always teaching, he entered the bohemian environment and composed for him. Thus he wrote one lied after another; and then symphonies, chamber music, and masses, intended to be performed at the theater in Vienna. But it was not the propitious moment. He composed works in German and Vienna was crazy about Rossini, whom Schubert, who never allowed personal considerations to influence his musical judgement, defined as an "extraordinary genius" Later, a series of disappointments led Schubert to suffer serious depressive crises: He lost the Kapellmeister de Corte competition, a position previously held by Antonio Salieri; also that of vice-rector of the Puerta Carinthia Theater; and his play The Count of Gleichen was censored and he failed to bring it to the stage.

Characteristic ambivalence: resignation and rebellion

Maynard Solomon, in his «scandalous» essay «Franz Schubert and the Peacocks of Benvenuto Cellini», published in the magazine 19th-Century Music, proposes a psychoanalytic investigation into Schubert's inner life, based on the interpretation of the documents and testimonials from Schubert himself and from those who had known him closely. The poet and close friend Johann Mavrhofer wrote in an obituary summation that Schubert's character was "a mixture of tenderness and rudeness, sensuality and candor, sociability and melancholy": a poet in his intimacy and a hedonist in outward demeanor. Others go further and bear witness, albeit in a veiled manner, to the low passions of which the composer was the victim: "an excessively free, almost unbridled sexual life" (Franz von Schober), which led him "down a bad path that by not generally admits return and with disastrous consequences for health» (Wilhelm von Chézy). Schubert "never laughed outright and out loud, but rather mockingly, in a not very expressive and hardly cheerful way". I had no rule of life. From nine in the morning (unless he was hungover) until two in the afternoon he composed. Then I would go out. If she didn't have an invitation to dinner or a reception, she went to the cafes. He was capable of staying up until midnight smoking, drinking coffee and wine, reading the newspapers, and talking with his friends. However, he was generally taciturn. Even without being drunk, sometimes he drank more than necessary. Josef Kenner, another friend, makes obscure allusions: «Those who have known Schubert know that he had two temperaments, one different from the other; and they also know how strongly the desire for pleasure dragged his soul through the mire of moral degradation...». It is possible that it is just Victorian moralism, or that there is some truth to it. It is said that Schubert made his friends lose patience with his delays. A letter from a friend gives us an idea of ​​the complexity of his character: «If you had thought of the great affection with which we awaited you, you would have come [...] I am afraid of even being too happy for your company seeing how much Little have I achieved in these years to overcome your distrust and the fear of not being loved and understood».

The problematic relationship with sexuality

For a few years, probably between 1814 and 1816, Schubert courted the singer Therese Grob. Two aphorisms noted in his diary on September 8, 1816 are significant: almost at the end of that relationship: "Happy who finds a faithful friend even more so who finds a faithful friend in his own wife." To a free man marriage is today a wandering thought: it is replaced either by melancholy or by raw sensuality." Other allusions to Schubert's relationships with women are rather rare and on the discreet side. Hüttenbrenner notes with concern that since he had known Schubert (that is, since 1815), he had never seen him "involved in a matter of the heart"; during parties «he had a cold and indifferent attitude towards the 'weaker sex'», to the point that he gave the impression of feeling «absolute hatred towards Eva's daughters». It also reveals a disturbing detail: when asked if he had ever fallen in love, Schubert replied that he had paid court to Therese Grob, but that he had given up when he realized that he would not be able to achieve a position that would allow him to keep them both. Getting married would therefore have meant giving up his principles. Therese, in fact, married a baker and Schubert was short on time to refer to that marriage in a sarcastic and scathing way. The decision not to start a family is contemporary with his refusal to return to a teaching position at his father's school. From then on Schubert will be the guest of his friends. First from Schober, and then from Mayrhofer. Both were gay intellectuals from Vienna, and with their homosexual dandy behavior. Schober was so to speak the center of artists and greatly admired by his friends - was probably the decisive element of Schubert's experiences in sexual matters Love, fights, jealousy, separations and unions (often at the rate of infectious diseases caused by promiscuity) they constituted the other, non-artistic, part of the way of life of this heterogeneous group, whose progressive degradation resulted in its disintegration in 1824, precisely during the most acute phase of Schubert's disease. Solomon argues that homosexual initiation is likely, Schubert's sexuality was at first passive or idealized in the passionate bond of a friendship, and that only in a second moment he became active with men older than him, to end up in anonymous and casual relationships in the underworld of prostitution, without excluding the world (already flourishing at that time) of transvestites: Young men may be subjected to pedophilia by older men in the "Greek" way. Schubert probably played the boyish role with Johann Michael Vogl (the singer of his lieder, whom Schubert considered his "second father") or with Mayrhofer, both of whom were considerably older than him; and no one can say whether it was a spiritual or carnal love. However, over time Schubert fell victim to an illness that dissolved the group of friends and darkened the last years of his life. Something that could explain the offended tone and self-righteous disdain of those who described Schubert as "covered in mud" and a victim of perverted passions, and have led to talk of vile and aberrational practices, is the suspicion of sexual relations between a adult and a young person, with the aggravation of annoying acts towards minors and the vague idea of ​​a kingdom of taboo experiences. Solomon observes: "By virtue of his homosexuality, Schubert left a coercive environment to enter what seemed (at least momentarily) a realm of freedom." For its members, the homosexual and bohemian community meant to free oneself from the impositions of the family and the State, from the rules of society and from the straitjacket of heterosexuality, the obligations of marriage and career; in short, it represented the freedom to ignore the reality principle in order to pursue an unlimited pursuit of beauty and pleasure. He could repay them, at least for a time, if not enough. mind, from a precarious existence on the fringes of society "Take men as they are and not as they should be," Schubert wrote in his diary the same day he declared his fear of marriage, having decided to give up a secure position to affirm his inalienable right to diversity, however it manifests itself. Years later, Schubert replied to Franz von Schober, who had told him that he was wrong and that they were unhappy (September 21, 1824): I'm terribly sorry, but it doesn't surprise me because this is the fate of every sensible man in this miserable world. And what will we do with happiness if unhappiness is already the only incentive we have left?

Living below your means: money and work

During his thirty-one years of life, Schubert wrote an enormous amount of music. When he worked, he worked hard. Schober tells us: "If you go to see him during the day, he says: Hello!" How are you? "Good!" And keep working. At that point there is no choice but to leave. For many years it was believed that Schubert did not prepare drafts of even the most important compositions, such as symphonies. Modern research has established that this is not true. But without a doubt, Schubert, together with Mozart, was one of the fastest authors of the history of music: a composer capable of thinking through the entire work and transcribing it immediately. He was always short of money and spent much of his time in cafes with friends. Only in 1818 did he begin to be able to support himself, although he had already been a professional for two years. In his diary, dated June 17, 1816, we read: «Today I composed for the first time for money: a cantata for Professor Wattrot's name day, with a text by Dräxler. The reward was 100 guilders." More or less, thirty euros today. Money did not last long; never had enough to rent a piano, let's imagine to buy it! But this meant nothing because he didn't need a piano to compose. He said it distracted him. In any case, if I needed it, I would go to a friend's house. With his closest friends he formed a kind of small community in which private property did not exist. Hats, shoes, dresses, money: everything belonged to everyone. The one who brought money took care of paying the bill. When it came to selling his music or arguing with publishers, money meant nothing to Schubert. Schubert's attempts to find a publisher met with little success. In 1817 he sent Breitkopf & Härtel one of his best lieder, the Erlkönig. The publishers were uninterested and returned the manuscript to the only Franz Schubert they knew: a composer of the same name who lived in Dresden. The Dresden Schubert felt insulted and wrote a letter to the editors. Who was this nonentity who took the liberty of using his name? He kept that lied: «I will keep it to find out, if possible, who has sent them this rubbish...». Meanwhile, Spaun was sending Goethe a set of Schubert lieders inspired by his poetry. I hoped to wake up the teacher's interest, but he didn't even respond. Not everything was a disappointment for Schubert: little by little he began to make himself known. Some singers, for example Anna Milder and, above all, Johann Vogl, began to present their music in public. In addition, Schuberta's small but influential group of friends gave him good publicity. Vogl had great importance in the composer's life. When they met, in the spring of 1818, the baritone was nearly thirty years older and nearing the end of an illustrious opera career. He examined some lie. under Schubert and in the end, after many doubts, feeling the attraction for those compositions, he became the most great interpreter of Schubert. Critics took note of its existence, and reviews were generally glowing. In 1822, a long and intelligent review published in the Wiener Zeitschrift für Kunst defined Schubert as a genius. The following year, in the same magazine, he was called "the popular teacher." However, Schubert never enjoyed the fame that would have deserved. Nor can it be said that he was a stranger. Since no publisher was willing to print the music, Schubert's admirers raised the necessary money. As Schubert's fame grew, a few publishers applied, but very few major works were published before his death; no symphony and none of his ten operas. On the other hand, they were one of his nineteen string quartets, three of the twenty-one piano sonatas, one of the seven masses and 187 of more than six hundred lieder. In January 1839, in Vienna. Robert Schumann went to the home of Schubert's brother, Ferdinand (Franz had died eleven years earlier), and began looking through the many manuscripts he kept. Buried in a "huge pile," Schumann discovered a symphony that no one had ever heard of before: "Who knows how long it would still have remained hidden in that dark and dusty corner if I had not persuaded Ferdinand Schubert to send it to the concert directorate of the Gewandhaus in Leipzig, or the same artist who presides over it”, recalls Schumann. The artist in question was Félix Mendelssohn who, with the intelligence and dedication that characterized him, quickly took charge of directing it. It was March 21, 1839. The symphony arrived in Leipzig, where it was performed in front of an audience that recognized its great artistic value and listened to it in admiration, in an atmosphere of general consensus. The enterprising publishers at Breitkopf & Härtel bought the symphony and the property rights, and now the orchestral parts can be found and very soon the score will be found too, to the benefit and delight of the whole world.” Schumann's sponsorship would prove to be too optimistic: the score was not published before 1850 and the whole world could hardly procure the benefit and delight of knowing one of the masterpieces in the history of the symphony."

The Winter Journey (Winterreise): the icon of the orphan and the vagabond

In psychoanalysis, travel and wandering symbolize death and sexuality.11 Schubert wrote the cycle of poetry during his admission to the hospital in Vienna: the disease that would lead to his death was already manifesting itself. 11. S. Sablich, «Schubert. La strada verso la grande Sinfonia, in Amadeus, June 2004. 12. Hans J. Fröhlich, Franz Schubert, Studio Tesi, Rome, 1990. The spirit of world-weariness, of a deep desire for the peace of the grave, seems to "fly" low and menacing over the whole cycle: "Cycle of terrifying lies" Schubert seems to have called his Winter Journey. Schubert read the lieder that make up the cycle almost by chance in a magazine published in 1823: they are only half of the Winterreise, made up of twenty-four poems. In the circle of the first people to hear it (gathered by the same author) disappointment prevails. How to think that listening to Winterreise could be resolved in a normal living room music experience? The Winterreise is much more disturbing; if only because of the feverish and candid tendency of his music towards the abyss, towards death. It is a crushing landscape of loneliness; there are few "living" presences. So rare that they appear as mirages (only two "true presences" are counted in the entire cycle). It is what remains of “stepmother nature”, as Leopardi would say, that survives the terrible and freezing winter temperatures: the crow found halfway and the organ-grinder of the last lied, the only human being; the marginalized who plays even knowing that there is no one to listen. 13 Thus, the Winterreise cycle is impregnated from beginning to end with an inexorable pessimism. This composition from 1827, a year before his death, is considered by many to be the most important lieder series in musical literature, with its recurring, sad and plaintive melodies, each time more melancholic and desperate until reaching the last lied, the haunting Der Leiermann, the one that talks about the old organ grinder who wanders around with his instrument in 13. Gatto, Agnese, «Franz Schubert ne Il viaggio d'invernon, Viaggi en música, https://analfabetic ca-agnese-gattofranz-schubert-ne-il-viaggio-dinverno/ fabetiere.wordpress.com/2015/06 /1s/viaggi-inside-the-musi

full winter. Nobody gives him anything, the dogs bark and chase him but he keeps smiling and doesn't lose hope. «Mysterious old man, shall I come with you? Will you accompany my songs with your barrel organ?» All this in a state of mind of total desolation, with simple fifths in the bass and a fragment of melody that is more an epigraph than anything else. It's a chilling song and we can't help but think that Wilhelm Müller's libretto had autobiographical significance for Schubert. The poems of the Winter Journey epically tell the story of an abandoned and disillusioned lover. But «epically» it is only the narrative artifact offered to the listener, who will undertake a journey of total, lyrical and synesthetic immersion, where he will immerse himself to the bottom of everything that the word cannot touch in the complexity of emotions. Human beings transfigured by Schubertian music. This madly in love "lover", this aimless "wanderer" consumed by pain, begins a long pilgrimage into madness and silence. The imagined and lyrically offered winter journey takes place in a lifeless, apocalyptic setting of frozen rivers. One «looks back» («Rückblick»), at the spring of the joys of the past, from the modest house of a charcoal burner to the final destination in an old inn, which has become a cemetery. There is no more moving description of abandonment than the one set forth in Müller's libretto for the Winterreise. Schubert must have identified deeply with him, for he declared that this late song cycle was, of all his works, the one that had cost him the most tears while composing it. Schubert's was the life of someone saddled with a dramatic conservation problem. Suffice it to say that it was poor enough to go hungry. Child prodigy with a talent comparable to that of Mozart, it cannot be said that there is a tea. nest success in your life. Because? The answer could be found in Müller's poems where "the pilgrim" is defeated by "the hunter". Schubert identified with "the pilgrim" because he too was a dreamer in pursuit of beauty. Let's just say it wasn't hunter enough like to succeed in the world. Being a hunter was too vulgar for him, focused as he was on beauty, kindness and love. Too idealistic, he harbored an important implicit taboo towards the mundane, which implies selfishness, assertiveness and worry about money

The proximity of death and the release of creativity

The year 1828, the last of Schubert's brief life, was very fruitful: the String Quintet in C major, the last three piano sonatas, the lieder series Schwanengesang, the Great Symphony in C major, and the Mass in E flat. elderly. If we think that the three piano sonatas were written in September 1828, two months before his death, we are amazed by his irrepressible creativity. During this period Schubert had gone to live in the house of his brother Ferdinand, whose loving care helped alleviate the precarious financial and physical situation of the composer,4 During his last year of life he matured in an amazing way: his music has enormous dimensions, it leads to new horizons. It is said that on his deathbed he exclaimed that he was He was full of new ideas. 15 The most faithful friend, Josef von Spaun, wrote in 1858: Poor Schubert, so young and at the beginning of a brilliant career! What riches, what hidden treasures has his death deprived us of! I am sure that the state of excitement with which he composed most of his lieder and, especially, the Winterreise, has contributed to his early death. Schubert left nothing: no books, no money, no furniture or real estate. Only his manuscripts scattered throughout Vienna remained. He was buried near Beethoven. His friends sincerely mourned him. Schwind wrote to Schober: "Schubert died, and with him died everything that was brilliant and amiable in us." Grillparzer wrote the epitaph: "The art of music has buried here a rich treasure but, even more: beautiful hopes." It took forty years after Schubert's death for the world to realize that he was a genius. With his subjective approach he anticipated Romanticism and, even more important, he was the first lyric poet of music. 14. Andrea Passigli, Notizie su Franz Schubert, http://www.andreapassigli.it/schubert.htm 15. Otto Erich Deutsch, ed., Schubert. L'amico, e il poeta nelle testimonianze dei suoi contemporanei, EDT, Turin, 1999

A FILM EXAMPLE

Those who do not know the football code do not understand the "meaning" of their words (the passes) or the meaning of their speech (a set of passes).

PIER PAOLO PASOLINI

looking for Eric

Original title: Looking for Eric Directed by: Ken Loach

Comedy genre

Year: 2009 (116 minutes)

Country: United Kingdom

Cast: Steve Evets, Eric Cantona, John Henshaw, Stephanie
Bishop

The Character: Eric Bishop is an unhappy, careless postman who lives a bland existence tormented by remorse, shame, and passivity. He is devoured by the feeling of guilt for having abandoned, without understanding why, his young wife Lily - whom he longs for as the great love of his life - with their newborn daughter. She has given him a granddaughter just a few months old and he clumsily supports and takes care of two teenage stepsons who get into trouble. Actually, Eric is a very generous person and raised them as if they were his own children. When they were still little everything was fine, but now they take advantage of him because he considered it. They were "a weakling," and they are destroying him. Eric Bishop lives in a house that is too big for him. His friends, soccer fans, do what they can to help him. He is barely keeping his job and when we first meet him he is in full panic attack.

Chapter 1. "I'm screwed."

The opening sentence of the film, “it all started with a beautiful pass from Eric Cantona”, is a metaphor that allows a creative “pass” from the field of play to other dimensions of life, where the fundamental thing for a victory is not the goal but trust in others. Eric is driving down a busy street, disoriented, as if his internal "navigator" has broken down. He has just seen Lily (his first wife) after thirty years and has not been able to face her. The inevitable impact of the accident is followed by the blackness of the screen, evoking the darkness of the protagonist's mind, who has been unharmed but feels as "fucked up" as his junked car. In the next scene, Eric is alone, sitting on his bed, coming back from the hospital. He speaks to the poster of soccer player Eric Cantona, hanging on the wall: «Have you ever been to a psychoanalyst, Eri? Do you know what he asked me?: 'When was the last time I was happy? The postman remembers the Cantona matches, which he watched with his friends at the stadium, as his last happy moments. He hasn't been to football for ten years. He prefers to live in the memories instead of being in the present and dealing with it. His mind is frozen in yesterday.

In the pictures below, her friends say:

Look at the state it is in [...] It has no rhythm, it's locked like a gear, it doesn't take off [...] It's hard to believe, but a few years ago it was on the dance floor. One of the best dancers. They look for excuses to distract him, they tell him jokes, they ask him out... but they don't succeed. Eric's bodily rigidity evokes his mental rigidity. The tendency to rationalize and feel guilty for past mistakes affects his posture and graceless movements. Claudio Naranjo sees in the E6 a patriarchal character that sacrifices

It shows his affectivity and his instinct:

In the fearful character, the intellect predominates [...] It is an implicit despotism in which the child's spontaneity is blamed and maternal love belittled, while the person orients himself in the world according to an excessively hierarchical vision, that situates it between all-powerful superior authorities that must be obeyed and inferior people whom it corresponds to dominate. [...] We can call them «authoritarians» in view of their fearful dedication to established power, their faith in the principle of authority and their corresponding lack of faith in their right to govern themselves, taking with their hands the reins of his own life. 16. C. Naranjo, The patriarchal mind, RBA Integral, Barcelona, ​​2010, p. 41.

Chapter 2. The possibility generator

Eric participates in a self-help group that his friends set up with the intention of rescuing him from the depressive and resigned state in which he is plunged after the accident. The friend who officiates as «ter peuta» is framed with his back to a mirror, which reflects Eric's lost expression when he tries to think of someone who loves him. Each is then asked to choose someone they admire and want to emulate, and he names Eric Cantona. Back home, alone in his room, he goes to the Cantona poster, this time, standing up, he looks into his eyes. He tries to identify with his haughty stance: Imperfect genius, huh? Imperfect postman. How are you taking care of yourself, Eric? Have you ever thought about committing suicide? Who loves you? Who takes care of you? Do you know what knocked me down? I didn't even notice when it came... Have you ever done something you're ashamed of now? The questions this time get an answer, one question is peculiar: "And you?", formulated by a Cantona who "comes alive" in the shadows, behind his back, and that metaphorically passes him the ball. This is "the pass" that will mark a turn in the life of the postman. The image is ready to speak to itself if invoked in the proper way. Cantona, the mythical champion of Manchester United, plays himself in the film: the formidable goalscorer with a terrible character who lost his career but not his charisma. From this moment he is at the side of the postman as a witness, interlocutor, coach or psychotherapist, without concealing the confidential aspects necessary in a deep relationship. In the first dialogues between Eric and his alter ego, the imaginary friend represents not only «the other part» of the protagonist (the ideal vo), but also the Other, through whose gaze and narration the sense of self that is identity is born, develops and is balanced.  In the course of the story it is understood how the absence of benevolence or an appropriate support role at a given time essential element of Eric's existence shakes an image already precarious in itself, leading to the inability to make choices in which to recognize oneself. Now that Eric is an adult, the group of friends replaces the primary relationships and constitutes "the environment" that provides that "generator of possibilities" that supposes being seen through the eyes of someone who loves us.

Chapter 3. Love lost and longed for

Eric tells Cantona how he found his lost and now longed for love Lily during a dance contest.

CANTONA: And Lily?

ERIC: I can't even get her name out.

CANTONA: Say it, it's something to be dealt with, isn't it?

TRUE?

ERIC: I can't.

CANTONA: Yes you can!

ERIC: Lily, dammit! The problem is always Lily.

CANTONA: Open the trunk.

ERIC: No, I can't.

CANTONA: Without risking we cannot overcome the dangers. Open the trunk, let's go!

Eric opens the trunk of memories and finds the photos from thirty years ago, with Lily together on the dance floor.

CANTONA: Sometimes the most beautiful memories are the most difficult to bear; c'est la vie! ERIC: Yes, the most difficult to face... C'est la vie! (laughs together

The two Erics are now co-stars:

CANTONA: And thirty years later you can't look her in the face2 C'est incroyable, non?

ERIC: A lot of mistakes were made; a lot of water ran under the bridge. Do you understand what it means when your daughter asks you to see your ex-wife every day, whom you haven't seen for thirty years?

CANTONA: Everything comes back to the surface: you, Lily and little Sara. ERIC: Oh yeah! As if thirty years had been yesterday. I'm screwed up!

CANTONA: I understand you, mon ami, and I recommend a nice jump from the building opposite.

ERIC: Sure! Everything is going well for you! Imperfect genius bastard: two kicks to the ball on the beach, with the VIPs, your pretty French accent... Look at me: a fucking wretch, skin and bones. You have it all, friend.

Says Naranjo from E6 conservation:

The avoidant or phobic type is just cautious, but with great potential for affection. Likewise, there is greater emotionality, both in the ability to experience pain and because of its human warmth. They deeply feel their loneliness and isolation, are in pain from their sense of misplacedness, and have a strong desire to be accepted. although they often repress it. Despite their longing for relationship and participation in social life, they are afraid of leaving their well-being in the hands of others.

Let's go back to Eric:

CANTONA: Who foresees all the dangers will never go to sea; who is afraid to mix the dice will never get a six. If you don't enter the tiger's den, you will never catch its cubs.

ERIC: Take those dice and shove them up your ass... I can't take your philosophy anymore.

CANTONA: There are always more choices than we think... always.

ERIC: Yes? What type?

CANTONA: Like... shave.

ERIC: I can't meet her. CANTONA: Yes you can!

Claudio Naranjo breaks down the behavioral aspects of the "fear of being" of the E6: Insecurity, indecisiveness and hesitation (consequence of fear of making mistakes), immobilization due to doubt, loss of contact with impulse, avoidance of decisions and inclination to compromise, excessive care and caution, propensity to double check compulsiveness, lack of self-confidence, excessive rehearsal and difficulty with unstructured situations (those in which there are no established behavior patterns). 17. C. Naranjo, Character and neurosis, Ediciones La Llave, Barcelona, ​​2012 (11 ed.), p. 347

If fear paralyzes or inhibits, the inhibition of impulses feeds anxiety, as Freud thought; and we can say that fear is a fear of one's own impulses, a fear of acting spontaneously,"

The postman takes a letter from his wife out of the trunk.

ERIC: He sent it to me a week after he left it. CANTONA (reads): «I can't love you more than this. lily,

ERIC: I never responded to him and the more time passed, the harder it was to do so. In the end it was impossible to go back. CANTONA: You tell him the truth.

ERIC: Oh yeah? And what do you say to a person who gave you his heart on a silver platter? It's over... Give me that letter. ;You know what I mean? Fuck off! (Tears up the letter.) I can't; I can't bear it; I won't get to see her every day. It will end like last time: I will start circling the roundabout.

CANTONA: You have to talk to her.

ERIC: I can't.

CANTONA: So, write!

ERIC: I have no words.

From these dialogues the knots that Eric had not untied, his dislocation, slowly emerge. Eric feels that everything is getting out of hand; He does not feel seen and even less understood by his stepchildren. He can't meet his ex because that would mean facing up to the mistakes he made. He feels crushed by the feeling of guilt and thinks that he has no chance of changing the situation: “I can't even trust myself; I feel suspended in the air, I look towards downstairs and see myself wandering around like a mangy old dog." 18. Ibid., p. 347. The necessary condition for the next pass is to identify with someone you admire. Cantona becomes, for Eric Bishop, a "reliable hope" who reflects an image of himself in sharper, more vivid outlines, culminating in the scene where Cantona teaches the postman to say, "No!"

Chapter 4. The relationship with the stepchildren

Eric is unable to gain respect from his stepsons in his own home. He is his slave, when Cantona appears and encourages him to be more assertive.

CANTONA: You must say no! No! Come on! Say it: "Nol" "Non!"

ERIC (shyly): No.

CANTONA: With conviction. No!

ERIC: No.

CANTONA: With more force. No!

ERIC: No.

CANTON: Come on! You must say it with the balls! No!

ERIC: No, no!!! (He picks up a pot and starts shaking it around him-

dor.) Nooooooo!!!!

He shakes it several times to the rhythm of "no" until the frightened stepsons arrive.

STEPSONS: Dad, are you okay?

ERIC: No!!!

This character transforms into its own enemy, as if the Self-accusation could save you trouble with authority. In his childhood history there was a common fear of punishment or recrimination. The ghost of E6 conservation is being punished for making a mistake. It was to avoid this threat that he turned into a submissive, sweet and obedient person. Self-accusation warns Claudio Naranjo-he sees monstrosity where there is only nature: This imagining monstrosity where there is potential spontaneity and organismic wisdom not only leads to inhibition, but is complicated by the fact that this inhibition perpetuates the unknowing situation, which in turn makes the individual more vulnerable to self-denigration.

Chapter 5. Eric unties the knots of the past with Lily

Eric runs into his ex, who still resents him for abandoning her, for no apparent reason, at the age of twenty-one, leaving her alone with a newborn girl. The postman tells his mirror Cantona.

CANTONA: She hates you. Now we see a way...

ERIC: We're not going anywhere. We are two grandparents. Where to are we supposed to go?

CANTONA: La plus noble des vengeances c'est de pardonner ERIC: Guess what? You're already pissing me off with so much nonsense.

CANTONA: Okay, so I don't translate.

ERIC: Do what you think... Totally, I don't care. Fuck you!... What does it mean? 19. Ibid., p. 357.

CANTONA: No.

ERIC: Tell me! You can't blurt out something like that and then run away!

CANTONA: The noblest revenge is forgiveness.

ERIC: Could you forgive me? (The phone rings. It's Lily, leaving a message quoting him in the pub.)

CANTONA: I told you...

Eric is a happy-go-lucky dancing teenager when he finds out he's going to be a father. His own father then violently challenges him: "He grabbed me by the neck like when I was a child and started shaking me like the host of a stupid TV show used to do." It gives him back the image of a failure: that of someone who has given up on university and finds himself imprisoned by a marriage and a child to care for. This creates a reaction of disorientation, panic, dissociation. Eric is finally encouraged to confidently express his feeling of dislocation and terror, which led him to give up on his relationship with his wife, avoiding her and withdrawing into himself, instead of facing the situation together.

ERIC: After about half an hour I calmed down, went back inside and started doing theater. And... do you know the truth? Since then I have followed pretending and making theater.

LILY: But why couldn't you tell me?

ERIC: I deleted it. I hid it even from myself; I was terrified; I thought I was going crazy like my Uncle Marlow.

Besides, I watched you nurse Sal... I don't know how to explain it... I couldn't bear it, I couldn't bear it; It made me crazy and that led me to the point of being afraid to go home, to my house. LILY: I thought you didn't love me anymore.

ERIC: No!

LILY: That you had regretted having a girl. ERIC: Not at all.

LILY: I would have liked only you to touch me; I felt ugly and fat, with my clothes reeking of milk.

ERIC: It's not so much the fact that I dumped you… that's what I throw my hands up. It's just that I couldn't come back.

Eric gave up his happiness by leaving home for no apparent reason. The E6 conservation chooses the path of unconsciousness through a disconnection from its essential being, perceived as threatening Recon. In this way he renounces his own power. Winning it implies getting out of the logic of guilt (if it's not my fault, it's your fault). It means embarking on the path of self-forgiveness and self-love.

Chapter 6. Eric and his relationship with his friends

In his encounter with Cantona, Eric manages to connect the painful elements of his past life and give them a coherence that transforms him from "accidents" into "passes" that make it possible to recover skills he thought were lost, the reappearance of desire and putting himself back on. at stake with Lily and her children. Cantona shows Eric that trust is nothing but a "leap of faith" in others. Like a goal pass.

ERIC: So the most beautiful moment of all?

CANTONA: It wasn't a goal.

ERIC: It has to be a goal.

CANTONA: No, it was a pass.

ERIC: A pass?

148 A cinematographic example

CANTONA: It was a gift, almost, to the God of goals.

ERIC: What if he was wrong?

CANTONA: You must trust your teammates at all times. If not, all is lost.

Faced with the friend who listens disinterestedly, who recognizes desires and needs, Eric can remove the loser's mask to show that there is someone behind, vital and real.

Chapter 7. «Operation Cantona: be yourself.»

Eric enlists his friends' help to restore his father power to his stepchildren. He makes all the televisions in the house disappear and prepares food just for him to show the children that his attitude (no longer passive and submissive) has changed. Eric discovers that the eldest son is hiding a gun in his house from a psychopathic delinquent who is creating trouble for him with the law and is blackmailing him. He talks about it with the boy and also directly with the delinquent, but gets nothing. Then he goes to Cantona:

ERIC: I can't handle all of this. I don't know what to do, you must believe me. I can not do anything.

CANTONA: There are always more choices than we think, always more possibilities. If things change, the possibilities change. You try something and it doesn't work, and then you try something else. stuff. Always.

ERIC: Dude what?

CANTONA: Your teammates.

ERIC: Oh my gosh! I can't think how I could tell my friends. Where do I begin? "Do you guys have a minute? Fa for my son: he keeps a gun for the neighborhood psychopath, who amuses himself by shooting kids who laugh at the color of his shoes.» What could they think? I'm ashamed!

ERIC: Of course they are my friends!

CANTONA: They're your friends, right?

CANTONA: And don't you think that you can tell your friends everything?

ERIC: Hell yeah!

CANTONA: Trust them.

Obvious things seen with different eyes, or heard with a different attitude, take on unexpected meanings. The Cantona phrases are like a beam of light projected on the potentialities not manifested until now. They illuminate alternative paths for a chained Eric in a stagnant situation. He invents a plan. With their friends and children, and armed with a baseball bat and an Eric Cantona mask, they go to the delinquent's house. They break the glass. When he is half naked, he is sprayed with red paint. And they threaten to release his public humiliation on YouTube if he insists on bothering Eric's son. The E6 conservation can justify its submission for the sake of something bigger, for example the common good. The "sacrifice of bowing" assumes a meaning in the scale of values, as if it said: "I submit to the will of God, who by nature is just; I can trust him because he will not punish me." This is how this character idealizes authority. Enneatype Six has no problem with danger; what he has a problem with, and a serious one, is courage. It is often reckless, but it does not tolerate the taste of fear, and it is because of this intolerance that some keep away from danger. In the case of E6 conservation evolved, the threat does not prevent the execution and assumption of a leadership role. By exposing himself, and therefore exercising a position, a choice, with an attitude of listening to himself and the other, he overcomes the neurotic automatism of doubt. The postman Eric has learned to renew the confidence in his potentiality, which he had locked up in the trunk of memories, with the photos that showed him happy with his wife, when his spontaneity transformed him into a "dancer." peerless". It has untied the knots of the past. Rediscovering the flavor of trust in others, he has learned to ask his friends for help and to take responsibility for dealing with the situations that tormented him. Eric has learned to take the risk of being afraid, to take charge of his life and face it in all its nuances. Consequently, by not blocking the action by tormenting yourself in an internal struggle, you finally grant yourself the possibility of being happy.

JOKES AND VINETA

Jokes

A characteristic of E6 conservation is being reluctant to answer: that well-known trait, attributed to Nasrudín, the Galicians or the Jews, which consists of answering one question with another. «Nasrudín, why do you always answer with a question? "And why not?" There is a paranoid mood in that hiding so much. It denotes a fear of being caught, being taken advantage of, or simply being wrong. A Jew meets another Jew at a station in the  early days of the railway. "Where are you going?" "To Smolensk." Oh I see! You tell me that you are going to Smolensk because you want me to think you are going to Lublin, but I know you are going to Smolensk.» It is a strategic concealment. A Galician joke characterizes at the same time the paranoid interrogation and the doubtful, ambivalent and unclear nature of this character. A Galician meets another on the stairs and says:

"I couldn't tell if you're going up or down. Tell me: do you go up or down? "And why do you want to know?"

One night, when the husband comes home, his wife says: You know? Something extraordinary happened today!

Oh yeah?

-Yeah. This morning there was a knock on the door, I open it and find a man. He doesn't say anything, I don't ask him anything and he goes into the house. Then I see him sitting on the couch. He doesn't say anything, I don't ask him anything and he lights a cigar. Then I see him in the room: he doesn't say anything, I don't ask him anything and we make love. Then we get dressed. He doesn't say anything, I don't ask him anything and he leaves

Fuck! We will never know why he came!

TRANSFORMATION PROCESS AND THERAPEUTIC RECOMMENDATIONS TRANSFORMATION IN THE PERSONAL SPHERE
At the beginning of the change process, it is not easy for the E6 conservation to recognize its daily selfishness. The personal process helps him to see that selfishness is the root of unhappiness insofar as it is a consequence of fear. Experiencing that a generous attitude towards others actually makes you feel stronger, freer and more of a protagonist in life is an unexpected discovery. It is also true that others are interested in receiving something from him; The lack of confidence in their abilities has long fueled the conviction that they are not really important to others. A bit like it happens to E4, in E6 conservation the other's genuine interest in him is contaminated with doubt about his inauthenticity and manipulation, by a projection on the other of his own egoism.

The E6 conservation opens more easily to generosity when it overcomes this prejudice of not being important to the other. Drop the crazy idea that "whatever my relationship with another is, I will not leave a trace, and if it did happen, it would be his weakness and not because of my personal value", and this discovery helps to recognize his own value and his ability to love

Enjoy the present

The transformation occurs when the E6 Conservative realizes that paying obsessive attention to thoughts does not help to be sure, and accepts that there is a good deal of serendipity in life. The transformation influences the form of thought, which ceases to be nebulous to become more precise and defined. As insecurity decreases, you can accurately define yourself and others. Meditation, especially za zen, is a precious aid to calm the mind and direct attention.

Meditation gives me a lot. I need it, it calms me down, it centers me, it puts things in their place, it calms me down, it clears me up. Although there are times, especially when I formally sit down to do it, when it triggers my anxiety, which I didn't feel before. In any case, this works for me because I see it, although it can leave me worse than at the beginning.

The transformation process is accompanied by a greater happiness of living. One aspect of E6 conservation neurosis is the denial of pleasure in itself, of carelessness, of satisfaction... It is as if the pleasure had to be earned through duty, effort and commitment. Time must be used and have its usefulness. It's a commercial vision of life like that of E3, where you have to spend time doing something. This takes you away from your authentic needs, puts the definition of himself in terms of ability and approval of others; more on the plane of doing than of being. It is a great help for E6 conservation to get used to living in the here and now. Getting used to stopping this race of thought towards the future, this anticipation of events in order to control them that gives no respite, helps to discover in the present a dimension of pleasure that is inherent to reality: that we should not do nothing to seek satisfaction. It is often there, where it is most obvious, and this is experienced by simply doing nothing. Zen meditation is, here too, one of the practices that produce a greater effect of change.

Integrate one's own history into the present

The rereading of one's own life makes possible a revaluation of the figure of the normative parent (in general, the father for men and the mother for women). This is possible thanks to the improvement of self-esteem and personal value. The father is no longer seen only as the one who punishes unjustly, as an authority to be feared; this aspect is repositioned in a perspective where positive aspects emerge that fear prevented us from seeing. Working with the inner family in the SAT program is a fundamental experience for understanding because it helps to detach from the frightened, offended and humiliated child, to reappropriate adult responsibility and get out of the role of victim of authority and in personal relationships. The relationship with the mother is seen, thanks to personal evolution, more clearly in its ambivalence: care and deceit are more clearly distinguished. Often the mother has given to the child a sufficiently credible model of herself as a "victim" of the father until the manipulative function of this strategy emerges, the purpose of which is to keep the child close for fear of abandonment. Regarding the relationship with the brothers, a more direct confrontation is established that does not exclude the possibility of in. confrontation and competition, and that helps to overcome the feeling. Feeling of guilt for not taking care of the family enough. It is also possible to break the taboo to be better than your father or siblings if you become more successful in life than them, although it is always difficult to openly maintain a position of superiority, which would be a kind of betrayal.

Changes in relationships

Personal evolution reinforces the ability to emotionally sustain both the fear of loneliness and being forced to do what one does not want. Control strategies thus become less necessary to maintain a dynamic balance between freedom and the search for protection. The greater self-confidence thus acquired has a positive effect on affective relationships and, in particular, relationships, in which they may experience greater emotional involvement. The neurotic need to be forgiven and understood is diminished, leading to an expansion of emotional autonomy. It gives rise to expressing one's own feelings more directly and opening up to the relationship with more generosity and love. And it helps them understand that the other is different, interpreting their reactions and affective discontinuity without so much paranoia. In short, he often feels that he can be an effective help for the other not only with his actions, but also through emotional support. They perceive their partner less as the «safe base» to which to refer in difficult moments, or as a source of demands and obligations that could limit their own freedom. A space opens up, then, for an interdependent and adult vision of the relationship, connoted by a greater awareness of the free responsibility of each one and by an acceptance of one's own characteristic nature. The acceptance of personal characteristics helps him to overcome envy and a fundamentally competitive attitude in the encounter with the other, from which, based on the educational message received, he should emerge victorious, thus denying that weak side that is functional to life. The pleasure of being with someone is discovered when we are less concerned with having a place of our own. This character is as if he feels like he's about to enjoy a good play, but only once he's sure he's got a seat. In order to be less concerned about life, it is essential not to take the intentions of others too seriously, remember that "there is a long way from saying to doing", and trust that there is room for everyone, because there will always be someone missing. And not everyone likes the front row or the seats near the emergency exit. It can be very useful to experiment with intermediate modalities in anger management and develop greater assertiveness, as well as transforming one's own attitudes in relationships perceived as highly problematic. For example, in those where it is perceived that the other tends to devalue or not recognize authority (lack of admiring love that reopens the wound with the father), as can happen with a sexual E4; the competition (as with a social E3 or a social E2), or the fight for territory (with an E8). The problem to overcome are the "crazy" ideas that "if I don't hurt others, they won't hurt me either", or if I don't make myself noticeable, others won't notice me", reconsidering how certain attitudes of avoidance or isolation tend to be precisely the wick of provocative attitudes on the part of others. A stimulus for the transformation process is experiencing the ability to support one's own ideas and learning to defend their validity, in exchange with others. The E6 conservation is often mistakenly interpreted as a belittlement of his opinion when the other has not understood him well due to his somewhat confused way of expressing himself. With the change, he develops more confrontational capacity. Less fear of being wrong and showing disagreement favors the development of a very useful assertiveness. Transforming the relationship with life requires a calm acceptance of the changes, even when they do not seem to be going in the desired direction. In this way, it develops self-benevolence and focus on the present, since it is not strictly necessary to anticipate the future in order to avoid mistakes and overcome trials. Freedom from anxiety about the future and judgment of the past bears the fruit of feeling less inadequate and stronger. Being more in the present gives you the opportunity to feel more serene and enjoy the little things that previously eluded you. The passion for the idea of ​​a safe and secure place makes E6 conservation suspicious of any form of change. Personal evolution leads him to reconsider that without movement there is no life and that in every change there is something we lose, but also something we gain.

I'm less reactive, I see situations happen that I don't get hooked on, and it's delicious to let them go. I recover my center much more easily.

The compulsive search for an ideal situation of peace is left behind in the evolution of the warm Six, which gets used to staying more time in situations where there is not always serenity or control, without the neurotic need to cut contact with the another to withdraw into himself, ultimately determining a discontinuity in relationships.

Fear and guilt

Guilt and fear are the most difficult obstacles to overcome for an E6 conservation. Both are closely connected through their ideal of omnipotence. It is not easy for this character to realize that fear is his constant, since perceiving himself as fragile and incompetent opposes the idea, internalized through the message from his parents, that he has to be self-sufficient. The perception of a personal weakness causes shame and, therefore, it is not accepted. The crazy idea is that you have to be strong and be able to overcome all obstacles, because there, and only there, lies personal value, according to the expectations of the parents. Realizing that he is not capable of doing it activates the feeling of guilt and the fear of punishment. Overcoming this crazy idea involves accepting that you cannot control everything that happens, and impotence as a reality of life and a personal limit. This new perspective generates, after an initial moment of disorientation, a feeling of peace and relaxation, and is made possible by the development of compassion for oneself, which makes evident how absurd the effort to compete with the world and how much fear derived from that pretentious attitude. The mistrust to be overcome is, above all, oneself; lack of trust in others is often a projection of not trusting yourself and taking responsibility for your own actions and feelings. Developing more awareness of your perception of personal weakness encourages you to hold the encounter with the other, it is not. Containing one's own fears but accepting the dignity that they possess. Understanding the meaning of your fear helps E6 conservation to give you dignity and to overcome it. Let's not forget the aesthetic sense. The E6 conservation has, as usually happens with schizoids, his gaze turned inward, to his thoughts, and he does not use his sight too much. Contemplation is another fundamental aspect of transformation: looking without thinking, investing energy in an aesthetic sense in nature, in others. Obviously it is less easy with people, since the encounter with the other unleashes the false idea that we should act, that we cannot be there and simply stare.

I also discovered that contact with art does me good: it loosens me up and gives me nourishment of a different kind, and somehow counteracts my rational and obsessive part, it expands and lightens me.

Confidence in affectivity and creativity

Important for the transformation of this subtype is the development of a greater capacity to see one's life in terms of affectivity and not rationality.

At first it was a lot to understand things with a rounder perspective (not so rational, not so fixed). As if I had been able to understand things beyond words and with my whole body, not just my head. As if I had understood that life (reality) could not be embodied in two dimensions, responding logically or consistently, but that its richness and depth was much denser and went much further, in all directions, it was hardly captured alone. Through reason, there were many ways to access it.

As long as the choices are made based on rationality, something will always be missing: conviction, clarity. Doubt remains about a possible mistake, a wrong choice and, with it, self-criticism and blaming yourself (or even those who prevented you from being able to choose). What makes him get out of doubt, and therefore guilt, is to recover an emotional sense of vital choices, to feel that the things that were done —or not done— stemmed from a need that probably at that moment he could not read in a clear and definite way, but that the choice or indecision existed and sustained. Arriving at this way of seeing things is, for an E6 conservation, like truly telling another story, seeing his life from another point of view, where only the criteria from family upbringing no longer count (self-affirmation, security, duty, prestige; in short: the affirmation of a role), but also affectivity, as a free creative expression of oneself. Because another aspect to underline is creativity. The excessive preoccupation with efficiency (not in terms of vanity but with security) and the organization of their life, knowledge and capacities as resources against fear, restrict and impede creativity. An E6 conservation may discover with pain and frustration that when he writes he is very adept at assembling the thoughts of others, and giving a good shape to whatever, but he is not spontaneous, he is not creative. And it can be a source of great satisfaction, on the path of personal development, to discover that this is something you can do with great joy, at the moment when you allow yourself to be more free in a process of creation. Schubert gave the best of himself in his last work, the Unfinished Symphony, and it was only when, as Claudio Naranjo affirms, he felt that he had no more time at his disposal because he knew that the day of his death was drawing near: a little like having given permission, only then, to express yourself freely. For all types of character, but especially for the warm E6, expression and creativity are truly a therapy, an experience of satisfaction and self-confidence; of self-assertion without fear or shame. One last great aspect is the development of a spirituality that goes hand in hand with the recovery of devotional love towards the father. Sometimes, behind the apparent search for the divine, there is an attempt not to live devotion and recognition in the human dimension, to a teacher or a guide, as if one could only live through the divine.  The need to believe is clearer, devotional love finally transcends the narcissistic wound and rises to a broader spiritual horizon, being able to truly feel a need for plenitude, happiness and harmony.

The transformation for a therapist E6 conservation

One of the aspects of transformation that is most useful to patients is the ability to confront situations of manipulation and avoidance in therapy. Less fear of being wrong and expressing disagreement favors the development of a very useful assertiveness. Regarding the assumption of the professional role of therapist, this is initially perceived as an external locus (defined through rules, deontology, duty, etc.) to perceive themselves as progressively as internal: autonomous search for the meaning of therapy, personal style and ethics. This last dimension of values develops alongside the spiritual and attenuates the sense of duty, transforming the ethical point of view -in the Kantian sense- from heteronomous morality to autonomous morality. The E6 Conservation therapist is often more comfortable with clients who tend to be distant than with clients whose intensity may make him feel his relationship control strategy is in jeopardy and his professional role threatened. In order to frame the problem from a point of view other than guilt and inadequacy, in supervision it is important to accompany the therapist to recognize that the situation is in constant flux, to hope that some attempts at resolution will lead to greater fractures, or that the same problem reappears over and over again, and be open to losing hope. Having more confidence in your own intuition and sensitivity, even when it does not lead you in a direction that is 100% consistent with your rational point of view, helps you to develop creativity in the therapeutic process. The virtue of enneatype Six is ​​courage and its holy idea is essential faith, the faith that things are as they are, without looking for three feet on the cat or a hidden reason, accepting the phenomenon as it manifests itself, the here and now. This phenomenology of being can result in cognitive change, since E6 conservation has a hard time being obvious. With the transformation, the therapist of this subtype develops a more phenomenological attitude: observing and understanding, rather than explaining. As in the movement of Beethoven's quartet, Muss es sein: "It must be so," without reason, without explanation. This change helps him to perceive the other as a whole and immediately, postponing the need to build a hypothesis and maps to frame what he sees.

THERAPEUTIC RECOMMENDATIONS

Magical thinking and artificial arrogance

When an E6 conservation comes out of hiding, he must learn to exercise authority and be expressive, coming out of inhibition. And although it does not manifest naturally as the Enneatype Two or Four, it can become very expressive; it is like a swing of the pendulum that comes from repression and goes towards an act of liberation. In becoming an authority, the gentle E6 phobic does not have the advantage of the counterphobic, who begins life in defiance of an overbearing father and develops the capacity to be angry and critical of him. For the counterphobic, it is very easy to be arrogant, but how can a person with a shy and excessively modest nature overcome his limits and allow himself to flow with his expressions? A certain "artificial arrogance" is necessary; the person generally evokes a feeling of being supported by something, either by reason or by authorities that are relevant in their world. There is also an element of fantasy: mystical reasons, feeling that God wants what you want, that what you are doing is virtuous or has great depth. It is not exactly being in touch with the inner teacher or with the inner feeling of wisdom; is something in between. It's the general feeling of going in the right direction but not quite sure that you have the clarity you need. The protection of his authority needs a veil like the squid that releases its ink. It is like a pathology that is found along the way: the person in the process of healing develops specific diseases, which are not the same as the beginning, but which are somehow even crazier. A mystical madness, which includes magical thinking. The individual enters the elite, spiritual nature; there is a lot of doubtful, vague romanticism.

The clarity of verbal expression

Verbal expression could be the first step a therapist begins working with a Six Heat. Shame, guilt and filters are so present in the conversation that there is enormous difficulty in expressing the inner world, ideas, beliefs, fears, desires. The mere verbal expression supposes an outlet and an unusual practice for the E6 conservation, much more instructed in the art of questioning and listening. If in a conversation the attention is placed on the privacy of the other, the meeting is less compromised. In this sense, it is important to foster a climate of security where you can express yourself calmly; give permission, which the person refuses, to be able to speak naturally about their internal world. Clarity is important. That is, explicitly ask the patient to express himself concisely, name the issues concisely, and stop "mental straws," with no room for vagueness, ambiguity, and abstraction. Invite him to express himself with examples, with real and not theoretical issues, with names and surnames, with details.

The expression of the negative

The first thing is to learn that the negative is the result of an internal conception, of a dual mind that constantly discriminates between good and evil. If there is already a general difficulty in the expression itself, when it comes to the negative the fear is even greater. It is time to observe the continuous presence of internal judgment and fear of punishment. He is induced to be able to say what he does not like, to release that excess of softness that places him in front of the other with the silly and complacent smile and the attitude of the good boy who swallows everything. Express anger; as possible, but express it. Practice new forms beyond irony (with which it expresses the contrary river of his feelings), either assertiveness or crazy hysteria. AND undo the taboo of aggression. Of course, if possible, with the person adequately, without running out to look for the mother to give her a kick. Search for channels of expression of anger using techniques like the hot seat so that you at least become aware of her and the pending issues she has with the people close to her, and find a way to release that emotion. Being able to confront the other, fight, argue, look bad. At this point work the guilt, which will surely appear, for being a bad boy. Decriminalize, awaken the internal character that acts as a defense attorney for the expression.

The expression of emotions

First, become aware of them, practice attention exercises to the body and emotions. To become aware of coldness, of the internal prohibition to express, of inner crying and unexpressed anguish. 20. The hot seat is a technique used in gestalt therapy to promote emotional awareness and the assumption of responsibility for what you want and feel. There is a strong difficulty in this sense, for which reason needs help, like music and body work, which facilitate the unlocking of the muscular shell. The work with shame is important; allowing oneself to be, showing oneself as one is, giving value to one's own emotional experience without judging it.

I am more lucid in thought processes and more frozen in body expression, perhaps for fear of feeling too much. On the SAT for the first time I came into contact with a feeling of deep loneliness and a kind of shame for myself because I didn't feel wanted by my mother when I was in her womb. I remember having dragged myself along the ground covering my face with shame and with an ancient cry, and then having felt the rage for the first time EI SAT 3 I contacted again, in amplified mode, with the deep loneliness that I warned, and that I notice (yes well now in a toned down form), the tendency to isolate and be self-sufficient, instead of expressing my needs. It was as if I had concentrated on giving a positive image of myself and hiding my fragility.

The action

A very important aspect is that you become aware of your difficulty in making decisions. It is necessary to see how the game of doubt works, with which it continually postpones action. Deciding means taking responsibility for desires and needs and assuming certain risks. Act more, even if fear is present, even forcing a discipline. Catastrophic fantasy is usually much worse than what then happens in reality, and this new information may begin to question the terrible fantasized ideas, take awareness that nothing is happening, that all those dangers that paralyzed him were in his head. You have to guard against depression as a basic way to de-energize, deceive yourself, and stay in a well-known position of comfort. It is very easy for a person who tends to swallow another's aggression, who assumes a position of insecurity in the world and who postpones action to connect with feelings of inadequacy and depression. One more help for not getting into action. The difficulty for action means that the E6 conservation is in a constant situation of pending tasks in life in front of acquired commitments, unrealized fantasies, unexpressed feelings, debts of all kinds (personal, economic, etc.). It is worth paying attention to the commitments that one acquires and taking responsibility for them. Being able to answer a given "yes", as a way of finding their own value. And clearly express "no", get rid of unwanted issues, and start practicing "no" to what you don't want in your life.

Scheduling and making a list of what I have to do helps me empty myself out and mentally unload things a bit. I also realize that when an issue is marked in my head, it anguishes me or worries me, it pulls all the energy from previous activities: for example, an afternoon appointment sucks me up and takes away the energy to concentrate. in the things of the morning; this prevents me from living the full day. I realized that I was living with stronger peaks, or alone, certain things, and the space between them was subordinated to the future, without attention, rather thinking about what came next, generating worry and tension.

Work with defense mechanisms: projection

Help the person recover the projections that he throws on the world and the people around him. Help to see that it is your fear itself that puts a filter when it comes to perceiving reality. Become aware of the paranoid mind, of the predictions and agonizing fantasies of the future; take responsibility in this regard. See how the world on which it is projected is much less terrible and threatening than one fantasizes. A good task for this purpose is to travel, learn about other cultures, other ideologies, and cross the ”border "and the fear of other visions. See that this perception of reality leads to an isolated and fearful egocentrism that tends to hide and protect itself. Take charge of internal judgment, work with the superego, bossy or top dog. See the strong power that this character has in his life and make him dialogue with the instinctive part, with his desires and impulses, with the most animal part and with the most girlish part.

The blame

It is crucial to start practicing de-dramatization, humor, benevolence towards oneself, above all. Recover the innocence of the child, fun, carelessness and spontaneity; Life is not so serious. Trust in the inner nature of the human being, in the instinctive, in the emotions and in the body. It would be, for the therapist, a task of decriminalization, of recovery of the free and innocent nature of the child. Work especially on the expression of anger and aggressiveness as highly repressed aspects in this subtype. Allow yourself to be sexual. Sometimes the seduction is done in an ambiguous way, one wants to fuck and finds himself pampering and affectionate, offering friendship, confusing himself and the other.

Relationship with authority and responsibility

The first step in therapeutic work would be to take charge of what your relationship with authority is like. Is it my boss who doesn't value me, or am I the one who doesn't value myself? Is authority bad, or am I just not adult and responsible enough to be my own authority? Once they become aware, the work is oriented towards taking responsibility for their relationships. You choose to whom you give authority, which is linked to your own worth. You can choose them with greater awareness and establish new bonds of admiration, cooperation and recognition. The other big step is to take responsibility for internal authority, that is, I take charge of my values, my beliefs and life decisions. I give myself power, I authorize myself, I don't give so much value to external authorities. There is an authority that is mine, that depends on me, and where no one but me decides. It is necessary to work on the position before the mistakes are made. De-dramatization is as necessary as responsibility. I am not going to be able to assume a mistake if the fantasy of punishment is disproportionate, so I will choose to blame it outside, manipulate or justify myself. All of these attitudes encourage the repetition of mistakes and the continuation of a frightened and defensive childish role. This is related, in the case of men, to connecting with the position of "man", with masculine energy, with the ability to execute, to act. Contact with one's own strength and with the ability to direct myself towards what I want. It is convenient to promote the perception of belonging to the masculine.

The devil within

Given that in E6 conservation the peremptory identification with what is good, correct, formal and regulated predominates, the therapeutic task is to work on polarity. Helping to live the inner devil is an invitation to explore the entire internal world that is clouded by guilt; to enter the place of the instinctive, of sexual energy, of the expression of hidden desires; to free yourself from the heavy guilt; to identify with the bad child, with the perverse, with the tyrant. Give room to the Dionysian, to the pleasure of the senses, to lack of control. A particularly valuable tool is the theater, as a space where all this world can have expression and a place: whores, ogres, vampires, murderers, rapists, grotesque dwarfs... they can be representatives of the denied energies of the evil and the forbidden.

The awareness of fear and trust

The change in E6 conservation is not the disappearance of fear, but of the relationship that it maintains with it. With the awareness of fear, he learns the paranoid constructions of his mind, and can stand at a greater distance, as an observer. You can dialogue with him, with that fear that accompanies him: «Well, I am afraid, and with fear I am going to do a small act of courage: I am going to dare to...». The important thing is that you begin to develop trust in life: a more innocent attitude, beyond the rational mind and expectations of control of one's own existence.

Body work

Dance, bioenergetics, massage or martial arts are necessary vehicles for therapeutic work. Through movement, processes are accelerated and things are understood from a place little known for this subtype. Fostering everything that has to do with a more spontaneous expression, burying the head to give space for the body to come into action and, with it, sleepy energies move. Seeking release from anguish only by letting the body do what it needs, without trying to intellectually understand what is happening.

I began to have more body awareness and with it more direct contact with things (without going through my head). Yoga and working with the body is what helps me to let go and relax; I breathe better and it calms me down; It also helps me to be present with more weight (gravity) and to silence myself.

Group therapy

For E6 conservation, group work is important, facing the difficulties one has with the world in a safe and permissive environment. The group's laboratory as a protected space for relearning, questioning and expanding personal limits. It allows, to work the relationship with men and women.

The anger conversion process

In E6 conservation, anger is not manifest, it is not translated into a bodily gesture but rather it is transformed into something else, into general sadness. Grief, in turn, leads to a feeling of helplessness, of not being able to change the situation that is being experienced. do. And this impotence generates a feeling of loneliness and affective isolation that leads, finally, to the conviction of being misunderstood.

The perception and expression of anger are taboo; I learned to do without it and not to use it in the range of emotions. I have perceived that I have seen anger as something dangerous, which can lead to destruction. Crying is muffled, as if drowned; also tears, like words (and anger), are swallowed; breathing is compressed and the diaphragm is blocked.

The feeling of being misunderstood reinforces that of loneliness, of feeling abandoned and at the mercy of pain, from which a depressive state is born. And from affective isolation is born the conviction of being able to count only on one's own strength. The process is so automatic that anger is not even felt and tears emerge. The conviction that anger is destructive has its origin in a childhood experience in which the angry expression brought unpleasant feelings in the absence of adult understanding; what was in its place was fear and paralysis. It is very helpful for E6 conservation to realize that anger has a wide range of manifestations and that it can be modulated. And that one thing is to feel anger and another, the modality in which one chooses to express it. It is helpful, even before you begin to acknowledge the feeling of anger, to let yourself be swamped by it and be there, without turning it into sadness.

The "remedial gestures”

. Have faith in life. I am part of something bigger, the divine. Action.

. Body: look, smile, have your feet on the ground. Give space to curiosity.

. Confidence that I am a good person, the world is good.

. Take space with your breath.

. Express my needs.

. Gratitude, recognition of what I receive.

. Connect with the belly.

. Distinguish bodily arousal, anxiety.

. Delivery.

. Learn to collect myself. Acceptance of myself.

. simplicity.

.Release control.

. Connect with the present, with the real.

. Confidence in my body through physical activities.

. Connect with pleasure, the game (prioritize it, not having to win), playfulness.

. The sense of humor.

. Confront fantasies with reality.

. The art.

. Stop being a good kid and start believing that I'm good. Contact fear and need.

 .Not thinking about all the consequences of my actions (anticipating action); You can only know after the action.

. Knowing that I can change my mind and express it.
.Expand memory, recovering my achievements and virtues.

• The Force also takes over the sphere of thought, which must be fast and always lucid (unlike the E6 conservation, of nebulous thought and confused by anxiety) ; the word must reach directly and quickly, the gestures will be invasive and aggressive.

• Sometimes we have verified that the demand for love differs according to the instinct that is in second place: the sexual/conservation offer sex to receive love and the sexual/social what they demand is admiration.

• They deny to themselves the need to be welcomed; They have forgotten the fullness that means looking into each other's eyes and surrendering. This is the big difference with the conservation subtype, which tries to calm anxiety with physical contact. Instead, the enneatype Sexual Six confuses love with sex, or parental protection.

• Compulsive paranoid. They are the patients that Freud defined as fixed to the anal stage, who adhere to rigid norms almost torturing themselves. They can occupy socially relevant positions and constitute a torment for their subordinates. E6 conservation or E6 social could be reflected in this profile.

• Applied to the E6 subtypes, the warm fearful manifests a more passive, more dependent attitude, with a greater emotional component. The E6 conservation would therefore correspond to the assumption of dependency.

• Regarding the phobic type described by Freud, which is characterized by a great limitation in behavior, it corresponds to the enneatype Six conservation.

• The psychopathic character is fixed during the phallic phase of development (from two and a half years to three and a half or four). The conflict is established between being strong and seducing to maintain power (we can recognize the sexual and social subtypes but also E3), or being weak, seduced and nullified, where we recognize the conservation subtype. This conflict leads to a self-perception in which being strong is confused with being tough, and being tender is confused with being weak.

THE CONSERVATION SUBTYPE

Dependency disorder

In addition to features of paranoid disorder, E6 conservation presents aspects in common with the typical picture of two disorders included in DSM IV: avoidant personality disorder and dependency personality disorder.

Dependent personality disorder (DPD) rather describes the enneatype Nine, but in some traits we can recognize the phobic subtype. A generalized and excessive need to be cared for determines a submissive and dependent behavior, with fear of separation and a search for warm contact. The pathological dependent person finds it difficult to make daily decisions without receiving advice and reassuring words, and he needs others to assume responsibility in most areas of his life. They have difficulties expressing their disagreement, for fear of losing support or approval, and to initiate projects or carry things forward with autonomy. You feel uncomfortable or helpless when you are alone, due to an exaggerated fear of being unable to take care of yourself. When a close relationship ends, they urgently seek another to be a source of care and support. E6 conservation constantly pursues the protection of figures to whom it attributes authority and strength, in order to establish a dependency relationship with them. The notion of dependency disorder as a nosographic entity is recent, although Kraepelin66 had already described an "incapable" personality receptive to external influences. Schneider 67 spoke of weak will. Abraham 68 and Fenichel 69, in a psychoanalytic key, described these subjects with "oral personality as poorly determined, prone to external influences and in constant search of figures capable of recreating the safe environment created by the mother during lactation. All of them highlighted the excessive demand for help and security.Millon 70 points out in these patients a great avoidance, characterized by docility, lack of assertiveness, the need for care and the avoidance of adult responsibilities, with the consequent submission in interpersonal relationships, and by a self-image of naivety, with feelings of inadequacy and ineptitude. Birtchell 71 considers dependency in adults to be the equivalent of attachment in children 72 and points out how dependency is normal in some situations such as disabling illnesses or during childhood, while the pathological dependent is incapable of establishing their own identity, separated from the reference figures.73 66. E. Kraepelin, Psychiatrie: ein Lehbruch für Studierende und Artze, Bart. Leipzig, 1913. 67. K. Schneider, Klinische Psychopathologie, Thieme, Stuttgart, 1958 68. K. Abraham, "The Influence of Oral Eroticism on Character Formation in C. A. D. Bryan and J. Strachey, eds., Selected Papers on Psycho-Analysis, Hogart Press, London, 1927, pp. 393-406. [There is a Spanish version: «The influence of oral eroticism on the formation of character, in K. Abraham, Clinical Psychoanalysis, Hormé, Buenos Aires, 1980.] 69. O. Fenichel, Psychoanalytic theory of neuroses, Paidós, Buenos Ares, 1966 70. T. Millon, Personality-Guided Therapy, John Wiley & Sons, New York, 1999. 71. J. Birtchell, Personality Set within an Octagonal Model of Relating, in R. Plutchik, y H. R. Conte, eds., Circumplex Models of Personality and Emotions, American Psychology Press, Washington D.C., 1997. 72. J. Bowlby, op. cit.m 73. J. Birtchell, and G. Borgherini, "A New Interpersonal Theory and the Treatment of the Dependent Personality Disorder," in J. Derksen, C. Maffei, and H. Groen, eds., Treatment of Personality Disorders, Plenum, New York, 1999. Dependence can be considered an ethologically appropriate attitude of adaptation in some contexts, which drives the search for protection by another considered stronger: but it can determine, in some clinical situations, a serious deficit in personal and social functioning 74. The phobic symptoms would also have the objective of minimizing the separation.75 According to Stone 76, the constant demand to be reassured, the inability to express disagreement and the willingness to perform unpleasant tasks are modalities whose purpose is to maintain dependence on significant figures.

Avoidant disorder

Some features of E6 conservation are also recognized in DSM avoidant personality disorder (AvPD). We found generalized social inhibition and feelings of inadequacy and hypersensitivity to criticism in different contexts: work, when it involves significant interpersonal contact; with people you are not sure you like in intimate relationships (with fear of being humiliated or ridiculed): social situations in which you fear being rejected; and new interpersonal situations. 74. G. Nicolò, and A. Carcione, «Disturbo Dipendente di Personalità: potesi per un modello clinicos, Psicoterapia Cognitiva e Comportamentale, 3. (1996), 81-ed., Personality Char
75. R. F. Bornstein, "Dependencies," in C. G. Costello, and John Wiley & Sons, New York, 1996. Characteristics of the Personality Disorders, 76. M. H. Stone, Abnormalities of Personality, Within and Beyond the Realm of Treatment , W.W. Norton & Company, New York, 1993. The individual considers himself socially inept, with little personal attractiveness or inferior to others. He is reluctant to take risks or get involved in new activities because they can be cumbersome. The typical shyness of E6 conservation is understood in this sense as a constant avoidance of involvement and of situations in which its value can be questioned, without the guarantee of an acceptable achievement. On the threshold of contact with others, the pathological avoidant feels inadequate and inhibits himself with typically phobic anxiety and shame.77 He develops a feeling of estrangement in two-way relationships, as well as exclusion in groups, and does not achieve a full and satisfactory feeling of belonging and sharing with others.78 The AvPD could be defined as an intimacy disorder, in which the desire to establish close relationships is strong, from which, however, one feels excluded. Avoiders link their feeling of inadequacy to the expectation of being rejected or negatively judged; hence the tendency to shun it. The desire for affection is accompanied by a constant fear of rejection, with which the individual takes refuge in a loneliness lived with sadness. This disorder was born as a diagnostic entity thanks to Millon,? that differentiates him from the schizoid personality: the former painfully inhibited in social contact, the latter detached. The avoidant desires to be socially involved and is highly sensitive to others, while the schizoid prefers solitude and is indifferent to acceptance or rejection. According to Millon, avoidance is an active choice with which the individual defends himself from an environment that he perceives as rejecting. With the avoidance one is closing socially; except for the family, which can be experienced in a conflictive way but always with a strong dependency. 77. S. Akhtar, «Differentiating schizoid and avoidant personality disorders (carta al director), American Journal of Psychiatry, 143, (1986), 1061-1062. 78. M. Procacci, and A. Semerari, «Il senso di non appartenza e non condi- visione in alcuni disturbi di personalità: modello clinico ed intervento terapeuticos, Psicoterapia, 12, (1998), 39-49. 79 T. Millon, Modern Psychopatology: A Biosocial Approach to Maladaptive Learning and Functioning, WB Saunders, Filadelfia, 1969. [vers. cast.: Psicopa tologia moderna, Salvat, Barcelona, 1981.] Their stories show dependence on compact and closed family nuclei. The child could even be the object of continuous jokes and humiliation, but the family is represented as the main source of support, the only safe place in a world of rejecting people.80 The depressed mood leads him to ask for care. The tendency to withdrawal and isolation increases vulnerability to depression.81 The depressive phases express the failure of the routinely employed coping strategies, and the space created by social avoidance becomes intolerable. Collapses of self-esteem are frequent, which intensifies the anxiety with which relationships are lived. A central emotion in avoidant disorder is shame. Individuals with ASD may be ashamed of many aspects of themselves.82 Social situations should be avoided because that is where your inadequate aspects are exposed for all to see. 80. L. S. Benjamin, Interpersonal Diagnosis and Treatment of Personality Dis orders, 2 ed., Guilford. New York, 1996; and L. S. Benjamin, An Interpersonal Theory of Personality Disorders”, in J. F. Clarkin, and M. F. Lenzenweger eds., Major Theories of Personality Disorder, Guilford, New York, 1996 81. R. Alnaes, y L. Torgersen, Personality and personality disorders predict development and relapses of major depression, Acta Psychiatrica Scandinavica, 95 (1997), 336-342
82. L. Wurmser, The Mask of Shame, John Hopkins University Press, Baltimore, 1981.

Anxiety due to loss of affective bond

Anxiety due to loss of affective bond appears in the reconstruction of the history of many E6 conservation who start therapy. At a superficial level of consciousness, the mother figure has been constructed as present and attentive, but a detailed review brings to the fore her discontinuity and ambivalence, which exposed the child to great separation anxiety. Attacks on the object internalized lead to the dynamics of self-accusation, typical of depression, which constitutes a central point in the psychodynamics of E6. Only in 1926, at the age of seventy, did Freud devote himself systematically to the study of separation anxiety, a topic he had dealt with only twice: in 1905, in the Three Essays on the Theory of Sexuality, and in 1917, in the Introduction to psychoanalysis. It was the publication of O. Rank's book, The Trauma of Birth, that led him to re-examine the problem of anxiety: Only very few cases of the child's manifestation of anxiety are understandable to us. We will have to stick to them. There are three in total: when the child is alone, when he is in the dark and when he finds a strange person in the place of the familiar one (the mother). These three situations boil down to one condition; that of noticing the lack of the loved and yearned for person. Anxiety thus arises as a reaction to noticing the lack of the object [...] The situation of dissatisfaction [... is for the infant analogous to the experience of birth [...] The danger now is the absence of the mother, and as soon as the child notices her, he gives the signal of anguish before the feared economic situation can be established. 83 83. S. Freud, Inhibition, symptom and anguish, http://www.tuanalista.com/Sig mund-Freud/2919/CXLVI-INHIBICION,-SINTOMA-Y-ANGUSTIA-1925 htm. Freud thus came to the conclusion that anxiety would come to be an "alarm signal" experienced by the ego with the aim of announcing a danger. And among these, the loss of the object occupies a primary place. Anxiety is thus a reaction to the danger of losing the object, suffering is a reaction to said loss, and defensive processes protect the ego against the instinctive demands that could arise in the absence of the object. Anna Freud dealt with separation anxiety during World War II while working with infants and boarding children at Hampstead Nursery. Regarding children between one and three years of age, the author, in an essay written with Dorothy Burlingham, observes: During this time of life, the child's reactions to separation are especially violent [...] His new ability to love is deprived of the objects on which he habitually exercised and, consequently, affective needs remain unsatisfied. . The nostalgia for the mother becomes intolerable and leaves the child in a state of despair [...] To overcome the feeling of guilt, the child exaggerates all the affection he has felt for his parents. 84 D. W. Winnicott links the baby's anxiety with the insecurity caused by deficiencies in the maternal response to their demands, that is, in support. What is observed in the depressed adult is a set of defenses organized from an original depression. C. Geets argues: For Winnicott, the fear of collapse is caused by early experiences in which the individual, during the first phases of development, has had to face the inconstancy of his environment [... The immaturity of the infantile ego was such that the child was unable to integrate these experiences into the realm of personal omnipotence. For this reason this primitive agony could not be left in the past, since it could not be fully noticed when it took place. And so it persists as a "torment" projected into the future. 85 The collapse may be the only way to experience in the present the past experience, inaccessible to conscious memory because, when it occurred, the subject had not been formed as an integrated person, and therefore could not find his psychic space. . And since emptiness creates despondency, the patient defends himself by organizing a "controlled emptiness," which is clinically expressed as fear of death. 84. A. Freud, Child psychoanalysis and the clinic, Paidós, Buenos Aires, 1977.

85. C. Geets, Winnicott, Armando, Rome, 1983. [vers. Cast: Donald Winncott. Pediatrics, games and psychoanalysis, Almagest, Buenos Aires, 1993.

CHESTNUT

The Complete Enneagram

• Through the course of our therapy together, I recognized that he was a “Self-Preservation Six,” someone who experiences an ongoing sense of fear and uncertainty, and who engages in a pattern of circular thinking characterized by questioning and doubt. Even though he was a kind, well-intentioned, intelligent person, he was so paralyzed by his habit of imagining fearful scenarios that he was unable to act in decisive ways in support of his own well-being.
• As a Self-Preservation Six his central issue was that he had not developed a strong sense of inner authority (because his father threatened and abused him and didn’t protect or support him); therefore, he had become stuck in and ruled by a defensive strategy run amok. In trying to think his way to certainty and safety using his strong analytical mind, he got caught in an endless loop of fear and questioning and was unable to find a way to feel safe and powerful. He was able to address his heightened anxiety and move forward in his life as he learned to see his thinking patterns from a larger perspective and engage specific practices that worked against these tendencies.

Self-Preservation Six: “Warmth”

Self-Preservation Sixes express the passion of fear through a need for protection, for friendship, and for banding together with others. In seeking protective alliances, SP Sixes endeavor to be warm, friendly, and trustworthy, which is why they bear the name “Warmth.” This most “phobic” of the Sixes has difficulty expressing anger, feels uncertain, and engages in a lot of self-doubt. For SP Sixes, fear manifests as insecurity, and they focus on relationships as a way of feeling safer in the world.

• The Self- Preservation (phobic) Six tends to be the most quietly avoidant; the Social Six the most yielding and compliant; and the Sexual (counter-phobic) Six, the most competitive and rebellious. Despite this, however, all three have the tendency to be suspicious and anti- authoritarian if the conditions call for it.
• Naranjo suggests that Sixes who are inclined toward hero worship and insecurity (Self-Preservation or Social Sixes) often display an excessive need for a good father they didn’t have, while Sixes who tend toward grandiosity and a heroic view of themselves (Sexual Sixes) likely experienced a rivalry or competition with their fathers (or took the place of a weak father).
• Naranjo summarizes how experience with parental authorities archetypally structures the three distinct variations of authority issues displayed by the three kinds of Sixes: What the aggressive [Sexual], the dutiful [Social], and the affectionate [Self- Preservation] safety maneuvers have in common is their relevance to authority.
• We may say the fear of enneatype VI was originally aroused by parental authority and the threat of punishment by the power-wielding parent—usually the father. Just as originally this fear led to sweetness [Self-Preservation], obedience [Social], or defiance [Sexual] (and usually ambivalence) toward his parents, now he continues to behave and feel the same in the face of others to whom he assigns authority.
• Most Sixes, including the Self-Preservation Six (who may not openly oppose authority), report that they feel some anti-authoritarian feelings.
• Being preoccupied with imagining what might go wrong as a way of exercising control in the world means they don’t always recognize their own authority, strength, and capability when it comes to handling problems. (This is especially true of Self-Preservation Sixes.)
• With the Sexual Six, vulnerability and fearfulness may be in their Shadow because of their need to appear intimidating and strong. This is in contrast to the Self-Preservation Six, who gets caught up in self-doubt and consciously feels very vulnerable, and so may have blind spots with regard to his power, self-confidence, or aggression.
• Self-Preservation Sixes may avoid being aware of their more aggressive emotions; Social Sixes may not live from their uncertain or sentimental feelings; and Sexual Sixes may have their more tender emotions in their Shadow.
• EACH OF THE THREE SIX SUBTYPES expresses a different approach to dealing with the passion of fear and related anxieties. Self-Preservation Sixes feel a need for protection and so deal with fear by making connections with people. Social Sixes cope with a social fear that makes them afraid of doing the wrong thing in the eyes of authorities by consulting rules and reference points. And Sexual Sixes deal with fear by denying their vulnerability and combating fear from a position of strength. Naranjo observes that the variance between the three subtype characters is particularly noticeable in Type Six.
• In fact, he states that in Sixes more than in any other type, it is “difficult to speak of a single character.”22 While all three Sixes share an early history of having to deal with anxiety, the Self-Preservation Six copes with it through a “desire to form reciprocal protection alliances,” the Social Six through the “wish to find an answer to the problems of life through reason or ideology or other authoritative standards,” and the Sexual Six “through a wish to be bigger and intimidating to others.”23 As a result of the dominance of the three different instincts and their corresponding ways of dealing with fear, the three Six subtype personalities have different “energetic temperatures:” Self-Preservation Sixes are warm, Social Sixes are cool, and Sexual Sixes are hot.

The Self-Preservation Six: “Warmth”

In the Self-Preservation Six personality, fear manifests as insecurity. Self-Preservation Sixes have a fear related to survival—a fear of not being protected that fuels a driving need for protection through friendship and other kinds of alliances with others. This is the most phobic of the three Six subtypes; this is the Six subtype who feels fear the most. Perceiving the world as dangerous, Self-Preservation Sixes seek friendly connections and alliances, and to do this they endeavor to be friendly, trustworthy, and supportive—as good allies are supposed to be. As Naranjo clarifies, “not trusting themselves enough, they feel alone and incapable without outside support.”24 Self-Preservation Sixes want to feel the embrace of the family, to be in a warm, protected place where there are no enemies.

They search for an “idealized other” for protection, and they can have issues that look like separation anxiety. Like a child who needs to hold on to the mother, these Sixes don’t feel confident in defending their own self-interests and survival. These Sixes seek to escape anxiety by seeking the security of protection; therefore, they become dependent on others. They have a passion for compensating for the fear of separation, which manifests as a warm and friendly temperament. Their driving need is therefore for something like (neurotic) friendship or warmth, which makes this subtype the warmest of the Sixes. They tend to be in a good mood and have a generally pleasant disposition. They look for a bond of intimacy and trust in their relationships, and they fear disappointing others, especially those who are closest to them. Being warm is their way of getting people to be friendly so they won’t be attacked.

Self-Preservation Sixes fear anger, aggression, provocation, and confrontation. Being afraid of other people’s aggression means they can’t let their own aggression out. As Naranjo explains in describing this Six, making people like you means being good, and being good means not being angry. Naranjo asserts that “the taboo on aggression that results from the needs of dependency weakens this Six in the face of others’ aggression and contributes to their insecurity and their need for external support.”25 There is a lot of hesitation, indecision, and uncertainty in the Self-Preservation Six personality. These Sixes ask many questions, but they don’t answer any. They doubt themselves, and they doubt their doubt.26 Feeling uncertain, and unable to find a satisfying sense of certainty, Self-Preservation Sixes have a difficult time making decisions. They see the world in terms of ambiguity—as “gray” rather than “black and white.” 

People with this subtype can’t dispel their sense of doubt and uncertainty. Because of their fundamental sense of insecurity and their habit of questioning and doubting, they never feel ready or able. They also feel a lot of blame and guilt, even assuming or feeling the blame of others. There are two realities for Self-Preservation Sixes: an external reality of warmth, tenderness, serenity, and peacefulness, and an inner reality of fear, guilt, anguish, and torment. Their head and heart are separated—they feel heart-centered on the outside, but are head-centered internally. As the most phobic of the three Sixes, the avoidant Self-Preservation subtype equates love with protection, and in looking for love they search for a source of security to compensate for an inner sense of insecurity. This Six wants to find a strong person to lean on, and they may be excessively friendly and giving as a way of preventing an attack from outside. In order to feel the strength they are lacking, the Self-Preservation Six attracts the affections or protection of somebody strong—the more forceful presence of another helps them to feel safer. Self-Preservation Sixes can thus look like Type Twos in that they are warm and friendly and put a lot of energy and attention into the development of relationships with others. Like Type Twos, these Sixes tend to lead with affection and accommodate others as a way of forging connections—but unlike Twos, their deepest motivation is to create safety, not to gain approval in support of pride.

• Lacking either trust in themselves (like the Sexual Six) or other people (like the Self- Preservation Six), Social Sixes deal with the passion of fear and its related anxiety by relying on abstract reason or a specific ideology as an impersonal frame of reference.
• The Social Six typically represents a mixture of phobic and counterphobic expressions. This Six is a cooler character than the Self-Preservation Six.
• The Social Six is a stronger character than the Self-Preservation Six, and this greater strength has to do with having more certainty than uncertainty. The Self-Preservation Six is an insecure person—they hesitate because they are not sure. The Social Six is someone who, in defense against the insecurity associated with not being sure, becomes too sure.
• In contrast to the Self-Preservation Six, who gets stuck in ambivalence and can’t make decisions, Social Sixes have an intolerance of ambiguity.
• In contrast to the Self-Preservation Six, who backs away from threats, the counterphobic Sexual Six tends to move toward risky situations, feeling a sense of safety in actually confronting danger rather than hiding from it or avoiding it.

Self-Preservation Sixes can travel the path from fear to courage by saying things directly instead of being vague; making decisions instead of staying lost in questioning; and having the fortitude to fulfill their own needs rather than always looking to others for support and protection. If you are a Self-Preservation Six, you can work toward embodying courage by giving voice to your aggression in conscious, constructive ways. Take the risk to learn that you can draw on your own aggression and confidence more actively in support of yourself. Challenge yourself to break out of the compulsion to always need to be good and docile, and practice allowing yourself to be angry. Have the courage to say more clearly what you really think, especially when you fear others might disapprove. State your opinions and preferences, not from a place of reactivity under duress, but from a calm place of confidence that’s more connected to your power and strength. Risk being “bad,” getting mad, and expressing more of who you are without apology or doubt. Have the courage to own your power and authority in the world without needing to project it onto others. Rather than expecting support from others, own your many positive qualities such that you can be more confident in yourself. Work to have a more conscious sense of your strength and strength of purpose, knowing you have the courage to support yourself in the world in whatever ways you might need to.

• The Self-Preservation Two can look like a Self-Preservation Six in that they are fearful and ambivalent about relationships, but in the Six the emphasis is on a more generalized fear, while this Two’s fear mainly manifests in relationships.
• Self-Preservation Ones can get confused with Type Sixes, especially Social Sixes, who have characteristics that make them look One-ish, like black-and-white thinking and obedience to rules and authorities, or Self-Preservation Sixes, who also feel an underlying sense of anxiety and insecurity. What differentiates the Self-Preservation One from the fear-based Six, however, is the central, though mostly unconscious, role of the One’s passion of anger. Sixes are motivated by fear and doubt as opposed to resentment. Self-Preservation Ones continually ask the question: “Why am I always the one working to improve reality, when it benefits all of us to try to make things right or better?” Sixes, by contrast, are preoccupied with coping with anxiety. Ones also have more confidence in the standards of perfection they apply, whereas Sixes continually doubt whether or not what they do is “right.”
• Twos often want authority figures and other important people to like them, so rather than being mistrustful, they will usually lead with behaviors designed to achieve a positive relationship with authorities if they can. Also, Sixes catastrophize and engage in worst-case scenario thinking much more than Twos do. Twos are usually optimistic, and while they might sometimes imagine that people don’t like them, they usually don’t think in terms of the worst case. Another contrast between Twos and Sixes exists in the way each deals with conflict. Twos would like to avoid conflict most of the time if they can, while Sixes, and especially counterphobic Sixes, can sometimes move toward conflict, especially if they feel motivated to challenge an authority figure who they believe is abusing their power. Specific commonalities exist between Twos and the Self-Preservation Sixes.
• Both Twos and Self-Preservation Sixes are warm and focus considerable energy on creating friendships; they try to avoid showing aggression (though they both may do so when reactive). Twos try to attract friends out of a desire to be liked and affirmed, as this provides them with a sense of well-being. In a slightly different way, Self-Preservation Sixes want to create relationships that will serve as alliances to keep themselves safe amid friendly others who can band together against outside threats. Twos are motivated to form friendships by the need to be liked and seen as indispensable, and also so that they will have friends to meet their needs in the same way they meet others’ needs. The Six has a strong need for safety against attack or other kinds of dangers.

The Enneagram Guide to Waking Up

Self-Preservation 6 Subtype

This subtype is warm and friendly. They disguise their fear by being soft and kind, and not aggressive. They feel fear as separation anxiety and try to attract strong protectors and allies to feel more protected. They are actively fearful and often “phobic,” running away from danger (flight, not fight). They experience the most doubt and uncertainty, and trust others more than themselves. They are the most fearful of being angry, and they hesitate the most and ask the most questions. But they don’t answer any.

Self-Preservation 6 Shadow

If this is your subtype, your way of coping with fear makes you dependent on others for protection. You keep people from attacking you by appearing nice, warm, and friendly. To feel safe, you may want to run away from situations that make you fearful. You may fear others’ aggression and not feel comfortable expressing yours. You can get lost in doubt and uncertainty. While you want to feel certain, you doubt everything (even your doubt), which makes making decisions and taking action difficult. You will tend to have a hard time owning your power and authority.

The 9 Types of Leadership

• Self-Preservation Sixes are the more actively fearful (the phobic or “flight”) Six. They doubt and question things in an effort to find a sense of certainty and safety (that often eludes them). They seek to be warm and friendly to attract allies as a form of outside support or protection in a dangerous world.

The Self-Preservation (or Self-Focused) Six

Self-Preservation Sixes cope with fear through finding allies and friends to protect them. The most actively fearful or “phobic” Sixes, they try to be warm and friendly in order to attract people, and since they fear others’ anger, they become programmed to hide or suppress their own aggression. These Sixes feel a kind of insecurity or separation anxiety—they fear that they are not ready or able and have a hard time feeling powerful or accessing an inner sense of their own authority. Because of this, they tend to be the least certain of the three kinds of Sixes. They ask a lot of questions, but don’t answer any, and are “proof junkies” who can never find enough proof to feel confident enough to take a strong stand. Self-Preservation Sixes see the world in terms of grey instead of black and white, and can inject doubt and uncertainty into any topic. They doubt others and they doubt themselves. The Self-Preservation Six must cope with a double dose of fear—the usual fear associated with the Type Six style combined with the fear and insecurity characteristic of someone who is concerned with survival. They present as very openhearted, warm, sincere and giving, but are very heady and intellectual on the inside.

They can establish close bonds with others as part of their survival strategy, and may not look fearful to the people around them, but they have many fears, including a strong fear for their physical safety. Leadership can be challenging for Self-Preservation Sixes. They may periodically succumb to fear and anxiety, have a hard time making decisions or appearing decisive, and struggle to appear strong or act from a clear sense of power and authority. They may look to others to shore them up and provide them with support or cover, which can make them feel or look weak. However, if Self-Preservation Sixes can learn to deal with their fears, they can leverage their ability to connect with others and be leaders who are thoughtful and wise and sensitive to the needs and concerns of their people. Even the most fearful Sixes can be calm and steady in a crisis. Self-Preservation Sixes have the power to rise to the occasion and deal with difficult circumstances without appearing afraid. Especially when they can learn to understand their responses and develop more courage and self-confidence in the face of anxiety, these Sixes can be approachable, considerate leaders who help others move forward through obstacles.

• They appear stronger than the Self-Preservation Six because they find security and certainty in whatever authoritative system they adhere to. We see the Social Six character in the German culture—Germans are known for their reserved temperament and willingness to follow the rules.
• What is your relationship like with your own anger? How conscious are you of avoiding expressing it (if you are a Self-Preservation Six) or expressing it too quickly (if you are a One-to- One Six)?

LUCKOVICH

The Instinctual Drives and The Enneagram

Self-Preservation

Sixes, in the style of Fear, invest energy in and worry about the systems that ensure resources, and feel conflicted about their obligations to others versus caring for themselves.

Self-Preservation Six

Self-Preservation Sixes long to experience Essential Truth in their lifestyle, path of personal growth, and resources. The devotedness and reliability of the Six meets the perseverance of the Self-Preservation Drive, lending itself to a deep awareness of how the things they value grow and are sustained. Much like their neighbor, Type Five, Sixes are extremely observant, but in contrast to Five’s narrow focus, Sixes’ have a broader quality awareness that is attentive to how parts relate to the whole, as in how a tree can only grow relative to the integrity of its roots. Awake Self-Preservation Sixes bring together this awareness with an inherent inner resourcefulness that lends to confident self-possession and meeting challenges with acceptance and fortitude. This type is often adept at discerning patterns and keeping things “on track” toward their intended results.

This applies to how personal development unfolds, how plans become realities, how projects or businesses can flourish, and in what increments outcomes can be achieved in a practical manner. For this reason, many Self-Preservation Sixes have cultivated some expertise in this regard and gravitate toward offering some service that facilitates growth and development in individuals, organizations, or systems. They tend to have a strong work ethic, and this is especially true when they can direct their energy toward a project or cause they believe in, that inspires devotion Self-Preservation Sixes feel deeply responsible for the well-being of the people and things they care about. They are typically extremely hard-working but often eschew credit. They are the most practical Sixes and tend to be exceptionally mindful, giving care and attention to the details that others overlook. While some Self-Preservation Sixes have a great deal of anxiety around their safety and well-being, it is typically balanced with having an intrepid or adventurous side. Many Self-Preservation Sixes are athletic, well-honed in some physical capacity, or have a strong connection with nature.

Relative to Social and Sexual Sixes, Self-Preservation Sixes need a good deal of time alone and tend to use that time pursuing offbeat or creative hobbies that the Six personality might otherwise judge as unproductive. They usually have a sensual side and may use food, alcohol, or marijuana to take the edge off their anxiety. Self-Preservation Sixes are acutely aware of chaos and the absurdities of life. To manage anxiety, they create or turn to systems that help keep all bases covered. Without ongoing attention to life’s necessities, they fear things may collapse into entropy. Often, they rely on complex means of organizing their attention, like keeping to well-structured schedules. This can lend itself to a need for routine, predictability, and an over-emphasis on procedures and a lack of ambiguity. For some, this can mean having extremely clean and ordered living conditions, while for others it means having an eye on the quantities of food or money or electricity that have been used. The need for predictability can sometimes express itself as either obsessive compulsiveness or outright control of others’ behavior. When they feel unsupported, Sixes will look for something reliable on which to model their path through life on, but in doing so, they may fail to tap into all their creativity or potential. This may lead them to keep their world small and anxiety-ridden.

They can become attached to a job, a situation, or a life path that isn’t personally rewarding but provides some direction and clarity, and they will end up sticking with something even after it’s no longer to their benefit. Compounding this, they often feel their hard work and care is not really valued by others. As they become more imbalanced, they begin to feel that keeping things together is left solely up to them. They can live life from their minds, trying to regulate and create structure to the flow of life, which can lead to an attachment to ideas over directly entering into the unpredictability of life. Under stress, possessiveness around money, time, and other resources is common, as is an over-reactivity toward any potential threats. It’s common, for example, for Self-Preservation Sixes to fret over the details of their health, income, personal shortcomings, or emphasizing placing excessive importance on trivial details as a way to forestall moving forward on projects or events that cause anxiety while convincing themselves they actually are making some sort of progress.

An inner agitation can develop, and they may develop substance addictions in an attempt to quell anxieties. They may adopt a grim, dark view of the world being on the brink of chaos. Predictability can gain priority over living a dynamic life, and they can spend a great deal of their energy living in anticipation of imagined disasters that may never arrive. Self-Preservation Sixes can be quite intense and reactive, indulging in paranoia and conspiracy theories. Fear of physical invasion, contamination, violence, theft, and ill will are common. Extremely imbalanced Self-Preservation Sixes become panic-stricken and bereft, and they can take out their pent-up anxieties and negative charge with violence against themselves or others. Self-Preservation Sixes grow when they take notice of all the ways they’ve been supported throughout their lives and when they can recognize the strength and resourcefulness of their own being in the present moment.

JAXON-BEAR

From Fixation to Freedom

• Self-preservation Sixes may be more aware of their desire to help others than of their experience of fear. Thus, many self-preservation Sixes will classify themselves as Twos. Others will think of themselves as Fours, Sevens, Fives, or Eights. When asked for a deep emotion, they will often say, “I think I am feeling . . .” or, “I feel confused.”
• In the self-preservation Six, we often find that actual issues of survival manifested in infancy. One self-preservation Six reported that she was asthmatic and came close to death in infancy. Another almost strangled in the crib. In reliving the memory, he felt that there was no one there competent to help, and he had to scream for help to ensure his own survival.
• Another self-preservation Six describes the feeling of danger whenever his alcoholic Eight father was in a bad mood: I remember being punished almost randomly. Punishment was more dependent on my father’s moods than on my behaviors. I felt terrified of him when he was angry and was never sure what I had to do to stay “out of trouble.” I had to learn how to be sensitive to his moods. I knew when it was the right time to ask him for something I wanted and when it was time to make myself invisible. When I was younger, he spent most of his time at work or in bars. When he was home, sometimes he was warm, loving, and fun to be with. At other times he was like a time bomb ready to explode at one of us. When he was in a bad mood, we all had to be quiet and stay out of his way. If I were to be heard playing, fighting, or laughing, this could set his anger off. I remember fearing that he would kill me if I ever crossed him. My mother later agreed that this was a possibility.
• The surrender Six, on the other hand, is interested in making alliances in order to deflect threat. Many self-preservation Sixes are surrender Sixes. There is a sense of harmlessness, along with offers of loyalty and cooperation, in order to deflect attack.

Self-Preservation: Warmth

Self-preservation Sixes are warm, caring people who deflect the threat or danger by being helpful. Sometimes compared to a harmless rabbit, the warm Six is a people-helper. Woody Allen personifies this subtype. A sense of warm caring pervades the style and mood of his movies.

A man who was a participant in an Enneagram retreat describes this style of the Six as it can manifest in the realm of relationships:

I perceive survival as the need to make the environment non- threatening by avoiding power. Alliances are made with those perceived to be non-threatening and of the same power. Alliances with those who are more powerful are not perceived to be as safe because there is an underlying distrust of those who have power. Alliances with those of less power are not perceived to be as safe because there is the danger of becoming the authority figure and attacked and rebelled against. Autonomy and self-reliance are prized. There is an unwillingness to allow anybody to have power over me, as there is also an unwillingness to overpower anybody else.

Pre-Holocaust European Jewry was a warm Six culture. The terror of survival was dealt with by appearing harmless and living in the head, with endless discussion and arguments. With a love of learning and the intellect, the traditional European Jewish style is to study and debate abstract ideas all day. Paranoid (perhaps rightfully so), the style is the surrender side of the dichotomy, to appear safe and non-threatening in order to deflect attack. The pushiness appears in the safety of family relationships. Anxiety is usually projected onto significant others. For the most part, the warm Sixes of Europe didn’t leave for the unknown of the Promised Land, and perished in the ovens. This is quite different from modern-day Israel, which is an Eight culture, founded by pioneers, and led by terrorists against the British. Quite often, I find female therapists to be self-preservation Sixes. Therapy is a safe place to expose emotions, allowing them to be people-helpers and indulging their fascination with the mind. Initially, warm Sixes often misidentify themselves as Twos. In general, however, they are more nervous than Twos, and the motivation is not seduction but safety. The selfless Jewish mother, often identified as a Two, is a warm Six in disguise. Some warm Sixes identify themselves as Nines because they avoid conflict and anger. But the motivation of the Nine is the fear of killing someone; the motivation of the Six is the fear of being killed.

Self-Preservation~Warmth:

Woody Allen, Spike Lee, Dick Cavett, Gilda Radner, Ruth Bader Ginsberg, Billy Crystal, worrying, bicycling, European Jewish culture

MAITRI

The Spiritual Dimension of the Enneagram

6 • WARMTH

Warmth describes the style of Self-preservation Sixes. They are warm, friendly, and affable, making themselves likable to others as a way of ensuring their survival. The term Ichazo used for this subtype is affection, indicating that this is what they see as key to preserving themselves. Perceiving others as a threat to their survival, Self-preservation Sixes use their geniality to befriend and align themselves with others to offset the possibility of others turning against them. The passion of fear manifests here in this apprehensiveness around their self- protection.

• Naranjo, in recent years, has equated the phobic Six with the self- preservation subtype, the counterphobic with the sexual subtype, and has added a third type of Six, equated with the social subtype.
• While some Sixes may be phobic in some areas of their lives and counterphobic in others, one overriding style is usually predominant and apparent in their manner. In phobic Sixes, their fear and insecurity are obvious. They tend to be furtive in manner, obsequious to authority figures or those they consider more powerful, have difficulty making decisions and taking decisive action, ask others for advice and guidance, and may be blindly loyal to a faith, cause, or leader. There is often a kind of stuttering quality to their actions—one foot forward and one foot back—and often to their speech pattern as well.
• The first is the phobic type: a Six who feels his fear acutely and becomes paralyzed by it, like a deer caught in the headlights. This style of Six is timid, indecisive, hesitant, compliant, insecure, and constantly trying to stay safe and out of danger. Diane Keaton, probably a Six, often appears in roles that exemplify this indecisive and insecure side of Sixes, while her friend Woody Allen turns the neurotic and paranoid side of this type into comedy in his films. Phobic Sixes look and act frightened, their souls frozen in fear.
• In phobic Sixes, his domineering and bossy inner critic berates him for being so fearful, such a weakling, and for having no backbone. In counterphobic Sixes, his superego gets projected onto others whom he experiences as judgmental and critical, undermining and threatening him. His superego demands that he be tough and strong and, like a phobic Six, castigates him for his fear.
• A Six’s relationship to his superego mirrors his relationship with authority figures, as we shall see. In relationship to authority figures, these two styles behave differently on the surface, and yet are really coming from the same place deeper down. Both have a hyperattunement to who has power, rank, authority, and clout and who doesn’t —to who is the boss and who is the peon, in other words. With little internal sense of a center of strength, power, and guidance, Sixes project that authority outside of themselves. Because of their internal insecurity and lack of a sense of inner foundation, on the one hand they see that missing authority outside of themselves in the form of an individual, organization, or belief system.
• The phobic type is devoted, dutiful, and fawning in relation to whoever or whatever they consider this external authority. They are hero-worshipers and devoted followers. The stereotypical ingratiating sycophant and the faithful and obsequious servant to whom it would be unthinkable and frightening to step out of that role are examples of this type of Six. They want this authority to provide the certainty and decisiveness that they lack; they want someone to tell them what to do and what is right and wrong; they want a creed, cause, or faith they can believe in wholeheartedly and be loyal to; they want a pillar that will give them a sense of strength and solidity and will infuse their lives with a sense of meaning, a sense of living for something larger and grander than oneself; they want something or someone to whom they can be devoted and dutiful. In short, a phobic Six wants someone or something that will provide him with security, and this is what both lures him and is his pitfall, as we see on the Enneagram of Traps, Diagram 9. On the other hand, this hero-worshiping puts Sixes in a subordinate and submissive position, having turned over all of their inner guidance, judgment, and power to this authority, and this in time feels like a castration. They have indeed castrated themselves, but, again because of the defense mechanism of projection, it seems to them that they are the persecuted victims of the authority. Therefore, like everything else, even a phobic Six’s relationship to authority is ambivalent.
• The phobic Six’s need to follow blindly something or someone whom he perceives as greater than himself and to whom he can subordinate himself and the counterphobic Six’s need to rebel against or become the authority are reflected in the word idealization at Point Six on the Enneagram of Lies, Diagram 12.
• Both the phobic and counterphobic relationships to authority were manifested in Nazi Germany.
• Even the phobic type of Six, appearing so acquiescent and deferential on the surface, nonetheless has a hidden deviant tendency, which may be subtle or more overt. It can manifest as a passive aggressiveness—saying you are going to do something and then simply not doing it, for example. It may also take the form of asking everyone’s advice about something, and then rejecting all opinions in rebellion to being “coerced” by others. Facing this tendency is not easy for a Six.
• In the case of the phobic type of Six, the outer authority figure appears to be the embodiment of Will, while a counterphobic Six attempts to become the embodiment of it himself. The phobic Six’s devotion, faithfulness, dedication, reliability, and constancy are always in relation to an other who appears as their anchor, their support, and their foundation—the incarnation of Will, in short.
• He may find, if a phobic type, that it was historically not okay for him to be strong and that he was required to be submissive and malleable.
• To resolve their fear, phobic Sixes want a person or a cause they can believe in and become blindly loyal to, and counterphobic Sixes try to become that for others.
• As those familiar with the enneagram know, there are two types of Sixes: those identified with their fear—phobic types—and those identified with countering their fear and proving that they are not afraid— counterphobic types. The latter may look strong and powerful, but the amount of energy they put into demonstrating how courageous and unafraid of risks and challenges they are belies their fear orientation. Phobic Sixes appear timid, uncertain, hesitant, fearful, and furtive; and frequently seek out strong authority figures or belief systems that they can devote themselves to as a way of assuaging their uncertainty.
• At the core, such anxiety is the fear that unacceptable instinctual drives—aggressive or sexual—will overcome the ego’s defenses and that he or she will lose control and be helplessly driven by them. Although the danger usually seems to be outside of themselves, what such people are really afraid of is their own id. This is clearly the case with phobic Sixes— they are afraid of and thus victimized by their disowned drives.
• Fear of being raped might indicate a secret wish for being sexually dominated. In such cases, the memory of punishment as a child for either the sexual or aggressive urge involved in the phobia maintains its forbidden and frightening quality. What we are phobic about, then, triggers in our unconscious both the instinctual urge and the remembered repercussions when we went for it as a child.
• Original experience with anxiety, because it entails such intense helplessness and passivity, leaves behind a residue of terror and generates a phobic attitude toward experiences of even mild degrees of anxiety. The self operates solely on the need for security, based on the principle that anxiety is to be avoided at all costs and that power, status, and prestige in one’s own eyes and in the eyes of others is the broadest and surest route to safety.

PALMER

Understanding Yourself and the Others in Your Life

• The phobic Sixes vacillate, feel persecuted, and cave in when cornered.
• There are two kinds of Sixes, or paranoid worldviews. A pho- bic Six looks furtive and frightened about life. Like Woody Al- len's self-characterization, a phobic type will vacillate, replacing action with analysis, filled with contradiction and self-doubt. The waitress is a phobic Six, because she hangs out on the sidelines rather than challenging her fears. If she was counter- phobic, she would be more likely to engage the customers, to talk, to check them out, to reduce her anxiety by getting them to like her. A counterphobic Six might also make the customers uneasy by probing for their real intentions. People often feel misread when under the gaze of paranoid attention, and if they become annoyed, the Six will "know" that they were untrustworthy all along. When the waitress splits her attention between her job and her fears, she sometimes makes mistakes. As a phobic type, she is likely to continue wondering what the customers are thinking about her, without daring to check it out. A counterphobic Six, equally terrified, reports that he ran straight into the dragon's mouth by making himself a skydiving champion in order to master a fear of heights. Both phobic and counterphobic styles stem from the same psychological roots.
• The phobic Six reaction to fearful imaginings is easier to un- derstand than the counterphobic Six position. The phobic type imagines danger, or thinks that danger may be near, and sen- sibly runs away.
• The cautionary habit is more obvious in the phobic types, where forward action is accompanied by cur- rents of internal questioning. "I doubt that it will work," "Yes, but . . ." "It sounds risky; we need to wait until the evidence is in."
• Phobic jobs, where competition is minimized, and where the Six can work behind a strong leader.
• So, in spite of the opposite styles, both a phobic and a counterphobic Six have the specific reaction of defensive suspiciousness.

Warmth in the Area of Self-preservation

Maintaining other people's affection is a way to disarm potential hostility. If people like you, there is no need to be afraid of them.

DANIELS

https://drdaviddaniels.com/type-6/

Self Preservation (Self-Survival): Warmth | Affection

Type 6s with a self-preservation subtype cope with emotional bias by disarming others with pleasing, kindness, and deferral. In obtaining their affection and good will, they assure their own safety, Neutralizes the fear.

Duran and Catalan

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1OldVmCIcV3sCbojWJPGc_d4NsWjdJ3MV7wIV1bYdIwY/edit

SP6: Warmth -> Harmony

In this subtype, their fear of the world makes them believethat affection is the only way of security. They need “Harmony” in their environment to get out of the sensation of danger. Warmth is the guarantee for this “Harmony.” Conflict reignites the fear of abandonment; the cultivation of a warm environment guarantees the permanence of bonds. The search for affection becomes a passion, generating an attitude of exaggerated dependency on an adult. They present an intolerance of fear, an angst that makes them be excessively compliant with the expectations of others, in an attempt to avoid conflicts. Hiding behind the other is, sometimes, a way of not making themselves responsible for their decisions. This compliance creates an unconscious rebelliousness, and the intolerance of conflict produces, paradoxically, aggressive responses, out of fear, when “Harmony” is broken.

• This “Family,” not necessarily based on blood, is a more extroverted equivalent of the refuge searched for by the 5, and also similar to the environment where harmony can be found, as the SP6 so desires.

Haiki

https://docs.google.com/document/d/12_kgWWc_FR3jK-4mutyOVT_8BPXrQifQxfBd1EQcPyc/edit

• The Social Six and the Self-Preservation Six are very different from the Sexual Six.
• After figuring this out, we can notice that even Social Sixes and Self-Preservation Sixes are very distinct. One is obsessed with duty and obligation and the other acts like a teddy bear.
• We could associate the apparent lack of fear of this Six with strength, and therefore, the contact with fear the Self-Preservation Six has with a certain type of weakness. Both of these analogies are obviously just that - approaches to understanding the subtypes.

Self-Preservation Six: WARMTH

Self-Preservation Sixes are the softest Six subtype. In contrast to the Social Six, they do not need as many rules to follow and they can relax a bit more. They are not as strict with the idea of good and bad and they can comfortably navigate the scale of grays that separate white from black. Sometimes, they can be like teddy bears and can be quite emotional. They are very reliable people who are often nice to be around. This being said, they lack a bit of impulse in life to be able to demonstrate the potential that they have. Because of this, they lack a kind of direction and this leads them to go around in circles more than they need to. They have a tendency to look for protection in others, and authority is very important to them. Because of this, they tend to find it, and if they trust it, they feel like they can relax under its umbrella.

Therefore, in contrast to a Sexual Six, it is harder for them to openly distrust and call out people above them and even those at their level. With all of these qualities, they are the kings and queens of alliances. From these bonds, they feel that the other respects them and they will not be attacked by people in their close environment. This making of alliances could seem unproblematic; however, the problem is the excess of alliances, and more than anything, the reason why they look for them: under the surface, they do not trust the other. With all of this being said, this Six pays a lot of attention to their bonds and they seek to be able to reference the people who can protect them at the right moment. Due to their tactic of self-castration, they can look like Nines in their meekness. They sometimes remain a little infantilized, and due to this, too attached to control.

https://haiki.es/2022/05/27-formas-de-ser-del-ser/

• And the question would be: How does the social, sexual and conservation six get to courage? .
• The social six is ​​a person passionate about duty; In fact, his “ I have to or I must ” is much more obvious than his fear itself. To get out of there, a good beacon will be to focus on feeling free . They live prisoners of discipline and hierarchy and, therefore, they can also remind us of enneatype one. Will this Freedom suit the sexual-counterphobe and the conservationist equally well? Probably not. It will suit them, but not that much.
• Finally, we find the six conservation or six heat . They are our enneagram teddy bears and they live in constant doubt . They are the ones who most easily connect with fear and paralysis and have a hard time being in the world from clarity and limits. So, having assertiveness as a beacon seems like a good plan. Claudio Naranjo comments that, «my intuition of the personality of Jesus Christ is that he was a 6C, and that «that your yes is yes, and your no is no» (James, 5:12) seems to me the precise antidote for the confused and undecided."
• 6 CONSERVATION:   Heat / ASSERTIVITY