I published this dating profile in November 2025. I’m no longer single but wanted to leave this up because it was an important document for me both to write and in becoming not-single.

Who am I?

Adam: Male, Straight, 6'2", Monogamous, Wants Kids, Boston (but open to lots of travel initially), born 1993. adamjermyn@gmail.com

I feel motivated by family, by curiosity, and by doing what I think is right:

I chose to live in Boston to be close to family, even though this introduced significant challenges to my career.
I studied Physics and Astronomy because I find awe and wonder in the natural world, and especially the stars, and have a deep curiosity about how it all works.
Three years ago I left Astronomy to work on AI Safety after almost a decade of study and work because I think AI is going to change the world, and it's important to make sure that change is positive. I'm now a research lead on Anthropic's Interpretability team.

Pros of dating me

I produce a lot of creative artifacts. From journal articles to blog posts to paintings, almost all of my time is spent creating something I can share with others.
I'm really excited to have kids with the right partner, ideally in the next 3-5 years , and I'm genuinely eager to do half of the parenting work. My parents are also amazing with kids, and it's likely they'd be around and able to help (especially if we have kids on the sooner side).
I'm happy and able to comfortably support a family financially, even a large one, on just my income. So while I'm very happy to share financial responsibility, I can also imagine a relationship with someone who wants to spend more time with the kids, or who wants to pursue a career for passion rather than pay.
I care a lot about doing what I think is right, which includes being scrupulously honest and holding myself to a high standard of integrity.
I genuinely delight in lifting my partner up. I have a strong supportive instinct, so I'd love to provide encouragement, coaching, and help in charting a course towards your hopes and dreams, and I'd love to have your help in turn with mine.
I tend to see things that need to be done far in advance, and can do the research to make it happen even in difficult circumstances. For instance, at the height of the pandemic I wrote analyses of COVID testing protocols and transmission mechanics that correctly predicted subsequent expert consensus several months in advance.
I host a lot of recurring events for friends (boardgame nights, "quiet reading & tea" nights, bagel brunches on the weekends). I find hosting energizing and get a lot out of providing a "third space" for community. A lot of my choices have been motivated by wanting to make this possible.
I'm very agentic when it comes to my health and that of those around me (to the extent this is welcome). I've written literature reviews on medical questions for friends / partners who wanted help navigating unusual questions where it's otherwise hard to get actionable advice.

Cons

I'm pretty self-reflective, which can sometimes tip into overthinking things I've said or done, or am planning to do. This comes up most in professional settings but you'll likely see it occasionally in a relationship too. I've made some progress on this but it's still something I'm actively working on.
I spend a lot of time "living in the future" (e.g. anticipating what might happen, both positive and negative, related to above), and sometimes need help grounding in the moment. This is also something I have experience doing for friends / partners so I'm very happy to reciprocate if you need the same.
I find conflict somewhat aversive, and have to push myself to engage in important disagreements outside of technical topics. I know conflict is important, and I can get myself to engage in difficult conversations when necessary, but I've historically been slow to do so. In the last year or so I've made a lot of progress on this, and I expect to keep getting better at it in the near future.
As a contrast to the last point, I really care about the truth, and am likely to push back on things I don't think are true in conversation, which can come across as disagreeable. Of course this same tendency can be a plus, since it means I try my best to be honest and act with integrity, and I work hard to update my views in the face of evidence.
I get migraines. Untreated, these were very bad. With medication they're well-controlled, but I still try to avoid triggers like very loud environments and sleep deprivation. When I'm sick (e.g. with a cold) the medication is much less effective, and I'm reasonably likely to be totally out-of-commission 2-3 days out of a week-long illness. There are also occasionally times when I need to duck out of plans and find a dark/quiet place.

Vibes

We're more likely to be compatible if:

You're excited about the natural world and want to spend time in it. Think walks on beaches, easy-to-moderate hikes, botanical gardens, national parks, and the night sky. Hiking especially is something I do a lot, and being able to share that would mean a lot to me.
You're excited about some technical subject (science, math, economics, etc.). I really love talking with people who can teach me new things, or who can share in the joy of discovery together, or who're curious about these subjects. I'm truly delighted to spend an evening digging into a thorny question with a thought partner.
You value your own integrity, and know how to act on that. This might mean being truth-seeking, forming your own moral views, setting boundaries, and advocating for what you want/need.
You bring intentionality to the relationship. Creating dedicated time and space for connection—whether that's regular check-ins, rituals we build together, or simply being present with each other—matters a lot to me.

Some Important Things

I'm monogamous.
I'm looking to have biological kids. I'm flexible about timelines, and want to be sure to build a strong and close relationship first. My guess is that means somewhere in the next 3-5 years, but I could imagine moving faster if that feels right. I'd want us to be proactive about fertility considerations (like egg freezing if needed) so we have options. Being on the same page about this is really important.
I'm politically moderate / a "classical liberal". If you're looking for someone who's far left or far right, that's not me (and I have many views that don't fall neatly on the left-right spectrum).
I'm open to starting a relationship long-distance with regular visits. If things are going well though I'd like to find a way to co-locate / be in the same city. I'm pretty firmly rooted in Boston, so while it's not impossible that I could move, it's also not very likely.
My work is based in SF and I have to periodically travel there (currently 1 week / 2 months, though the cadence is somewhat flexible). If you wanted to join me on some of those trips that would be very exciting.

What I do in my free time

Reading
Boardgames (Spirit Island is my favorite, more generally I really like cooperative games)
Videogames (mostly Halo, some Factorio)
Walks / Hikes
Travel (especially to the American West)
Exercise (I got really into strength training during the pandemic and have kept that up)
Hosting
Singing / voice lessons
Literature reviews / trying to figure out something that confuses me about the world

Things I'm not into

I don't smoke or use any illegal drugs. I also drink very little (it makes me sleep poorly). I don't mind if you drink in moderation. Smoking (including non-tobacco products) is a dealbreaker for me.
I don't mind cats, but wouldn't want to have one. There's a lot of risk of parasites with a cat in the home that I'm just not keen on.

Some Random Facts About Me

I put a lot of thought into designing my spaces to be functional but also warm, and I find it pretty easy to keep them neat/organized. My current home has a lot of hard wood, big windows, bookshelves, seating space, rugs, and indoor trees.
I enjoy Marmite and chutneys (separately).
I've hosted a (mostly) weekly boardgame night for over two years.
I once walked 17 miles from Cambridge, England to the city of Ely. Along the way a cow chased me away because I got too close to her calf.
I'm mostly not excited about dogs, but would be very excited to have a Golden Doodle specifically. They're just so... friendly and grounding and fun. The further a dog gets from "Golden Doodle" energy the less excited I am.
Many of the fossils in my fossil collection are ones I found in the ground in England (oh and also, I have a fossil collection!).

What am I looking for?

I'm looking for a long-term romantic partner to build a life and raise a family with. Building a life together means being a team—spending substantial time together, sharing our inner worlds, making sense of the world as thought partners, and navigating challenges side-by-side.

In practice, this might look like:

Weekend mornings with coffee and long conversations, maybe followed by time at the gym or going on a hike together.
Dedicating time regularly to ask "how are you?" and really hold space for the answer, whether it's joyous, difficult, or somewhere in between.
Evening conversations where we process our days and think through the implications of our work together.
Supporting each other's growth and fulfillment—not just cheerleading, but actively helping chart a course toward what matters and coaching each other through challenges.
Hosting brunch for friends on Sunday, building community together.
A balance of intentional together time and comfortable quiet downtime.

Kids

I’m really excited about having kids. My ideal is probably 3-4, though the common advice of “see how you feel after each one” makes a lot of sense to me—it’s genuinely hard to predict how life will go! What matters is that I’m starting from a place of wanting a larger family, and I’d hope that’s something you’re keen on too.

Parenting

For me a huge part of the point of having kids is being actively involved and present in their lives, so I'd expect to spend a lot of my time/energy parenting (potentially including home schooling, if we decided that made the most sense), and want a partner who's motivated by the same. I'm genuinely eager to do half of the parenting work.

Communication

I have a pretty direct communication style in partnership. I usually know what I want and ask for it straightforwardly. If you know what you want and ask for it I'll be very receptive to that!

I also have a pretty good memory, supplemented by a spaced repetition system, so if you tell me a preference/want/need you have there's an excellent chance I'll remember it from that point on.

On the flip side, early on in knowing someone I'm not especially good at picking up on some more subtle forms of communication, but as I get to know someone (especially a partner) I get better at picking up on what's going on with them, and in the long run can be pretty good at this.

Physical Intimacy

Physical intimacy is a really important part of what I'm looking for, both at first and in the long run. If it's not important to you or doesn't sound like what you want long-term, we're probably not a good match!

I know these things don't just magically work, and that connection is something you build with time and care and trust. I'm very here for that. What matters is that we're both people who actively desire and prioritize physical connection as an ongoing part of our relationship, so that we can prioritize finding ways to connect physically and treat that as being as central as e.g. emotional connection.

Beyond that I'll be excited to hear about your preferences and find things we're both keen on. Communication is important to me, and I really appreciate when my partners ask for what they want. I'm also pretty open to exploring here, and won't be put off by you asking for something new!

Intellectual Connection

Intellectual partnership is really important to me. It's part of how I feel seen and secure—knowing we have a shared way of making sense of the world. I love conversations that go deep, whether we're teaching each other from our different domains or figuring something out together. You don't need to work in AI or physics, but you do need to be someone who finds joy in engaging with complex ideas and being a thought partner.

Coordination

I come from a family of planners, so I tend to spot things that need doing quite a ways off and plan accordingly. I also tend to get anxious when it feels like my partner and I aren't on the same page about where we're going / what we're aiming for long-term (even if we don't stick to those plans / even as life twists and turns).

You don't need to be a natural planner yourself, but it's important that you're willing to engage in those conversations with me - to think together about our direction and make plans as a team. If the thought of having regular check-ins about where we're headed (long-term and short-term) doesn't appeal to you, we're probably not a good match!

Money

I think money is a resource we can use to fulfill our values, including personal consumption but also values like altruism and community. I don't think it's bad to spend money, and I don't think frugality is a virtue (beyond the virtue of living within our means).

On a practical level, I'm fortunate to have a job that means I can comfortably support a family financially on just my income. I'm very happy to share financial responsibility, and at the same time I can imagine a relationship with someone who wants to spend more time with the kids, or who wants to study full-time, or who wants to pursue a career for passion rather than pay.

Family

Family is important to me. I grew up as the youngest of three and have a large extended family of cousins (mostly in New England). I have really fond memories of large gatherings at my grandparents’ home, and that’s something I’d love for my kids to get to experience.

These days we do large family vacations together, as well as smaller gatherings, and spending time with my family is one of the most rewarding things I do. It's important to me for you to join me in this (and my family is really, truly welcoming!), and I'd be excited to join you with your family too.

Religion

I think there's a lot of wisdom in religious traditions, and also there are a lot of restrictions in the details of observance that can run counter to my values, so I tend to err on the side of less observance and more "spirit of the law".

I was raised in a conservative Jewish household, and identify as atheist but culturally Jewish. I'd be happy to make a mostly-secular home together (which could incorporate traditions from other religions), or something in the "reform-to-conservative" Jewish spectrum. So e.g. I love to host and attend Shabbat dinners, I think the high holidays are a great time for family gatherings, and I think there's a lot of beautiful music in the liturgy. At the same time many of the specifics of observance run counter to my values so I steer clear of those (e.g. not travelling on Shabbat makes it hard to see family, not using a phone on Shabbat is dangerous if an emergency arises, etc.). If strict observance is important to you we're probably not a good fit.

My kitchen currently is kosher (non-hechsher dairy) as a practical matter, because that makes it easier to host and contribute to meals with community, but I’m definitely open to changing that if it conflicts with your values.

Also: I believe quite strongly in a material universe, and would find it difficult to have a partner who believes that the world is influenced by the supernatural (e.g. deities, magic, etc.). So much of my worldview is built on materialism and physical reductionism that I would find it hard to live with integrity in close partnership with someone who doesn't share that understanding of the world.

Giving credit where it’s due: I got the idea to write this doc and a lot of inspiration around e.g. what to include from my friend & colleague Chris Olah, who wrote a similar doc for himself several years ago.