Ethel Cain - Preacher's Daughter

Ethel Cain

Preacher’s Daughter

XOXO

This album is the first in a trilogy about Ethel Cain and her family tree, the whole premise is on intergenerational trauma, religious trauma and living in america (the next albums are supposed to be about Ethels mother and grandmother),,, the record is set in 1991 a decade after the death of Ethel’s father, the towns preacher. Ethel was last seen in Arlington, Texas on January 13th in a Winn-Dixie parking lot. She was knocked out by a blond man and put into a short bed black pick up truck.

(tw, abuse, sa, drugs, america, death,,,)

Track 1

Family Tree (Intro)

(tw. Generational trauma)

The first song, Family Tree (Intro), basically sets up Ethel Cain’s life. Telling her about her past as being the town’s preachers daughter and her fate with religion.

These crosses all over my body

Remind me of who I used to be

These lines reference the religious environment Ethel lived in and was raised with. She used to be an extremely religious person but not anymore.

And Christ forgive these bones I'm hiding

From no one successfully

[Verse 2]

Jesus can always reject his father

But he cannot escape his mother's blood

He'll scream and try to wash it off of his fingers

But he'll never escape what he's made up of

Mother Mary was famously a virgin when she had Jesus, Ethel is using his to show her view on intergenerational trauma. Jesus can reject his fathers side but as he has his mothers genes, he cannot escape that part of him, he will always have his mother with him. These lines also refer to unlike Jesus, Ethel cannot escape her father, she will always be known as the “prechers daughter” even after his death - She is unable to escape God.

Jesus cannot escape his mothers lack of divinity, reinstating that he is a mortal man despite being the son of God. Ethel, like Jesus, cannot escape her mother side and her lack of divinity. Her own mortality is in the hands of God.

[Chorus]

The fate's already fucked me sideways

Swinging by my neck from the family tree

He'll laugh and say, "You know I raised you bеtter than this"

Then leave me hanging so they all can laugh at me.

Ethel (As well as Hayden (the actual singer))cant control who she is more than she can control where she was born and who her parents are - “Swinging by my neck from the family tree” is her saying that she got fucked over by fate and cercumstances she cannot control. This may also foreshadow her death.

If we take the hanging literally, this could mean Ethel actually commited or was tried as a witch and hung, when someone does something thats considered immoral in the community (Sex out of wedlock, disobedience, drugs, suicide) people gossip.

After Ethel’s death, her father denies his parenting had anything to do with how she turned out, and everything traumatic that happened to her happened because of her own decisions - because of this members of Cain’s community believe this because her father is a Preacher, he is a man of God that cant do no wrong. Ethel’s father insists “he raised her better than this” , this helps him avoid all responsibility of her.

Track 2

American Teenager

(tw. Death, war)

[Verse 1]

Grew up under yellow light on the street

Putting too much faith in the make-believe

And another high school football team

Ethel lives in Shady Grove, a small southern Baptist town in Alabama. As a kid, Ethel is sheltered in yellow street lights too young to realise the hypocrisy and weakness of her community.

Shady Grove is an insanely religious town. Since birth, Ethel is taught to put her life into Christianity and God, being told her life is for the Church and Jesus Christ. She is thought to live her life like this from her father, Rev. Joseph Cain. Despite having such devotion growing up, now Ethel doesn't believe, Now looking back at her past with the church and her father she realises she put too much trust into what she thought would be comfort was actually abuse and trauma.

High-School Football is a staple of America, the American dream and small town living.

The neighbor's brother came home in a box

But he wanted to go, so maybe it was his fault

Another red heart taken by the American dream

Ethel reflects on her neighbor's brother's death, a soldier who died overseas and whose body was sent back home. She suggests his fate was a result of his own decisions and was his own fault as he joined the army at his own will, Ethel then emphasised with him and realised his choice was to fight for his home country and made an honorable pursuit for the American Dream.

[Pre-Chorus]

And I feel it there

In the middle of the night

When the lights go out and I'm all alone again

[Chorus]

Say what you want, but say it like you mean it

With your fists for once, a long cold war

With your kids at the front

The cold war was a geopolitical conflict with tension and threat. Similarly, passive aggression is the expression of negative emotions through indirect means rather than open communication. Ethel hopes her dad would just “Say it like [he] means it” in the only language she was taught to understand - Violence.

Neither outright aggression nor passive aggression are healthy forms of aggression, but as Ethel was taught this way it's the only way she knows. She is exhausted by this “long cold war” her dad created as a more tolerable alternative of healthy communication.

Just give it one more day, then you'rе done

Done

I do what I want, crying in the blеachers

And I said it was fun

I don't need anything from anyone, it's just not my year

But I'm all good out here

[Verse 2]

Sunday morning

This part was taken from Ethel Cain’s song “Sunday Morning” from her EP Inbred :3

Hands over my knees in a room full of faces

I'm sorry if I sound off, but I was probably wasted

And didn't feel so good

Head full of whiskey but I always deliver

After her fathers passing, Ethel takes the job of leading the town's congregation every Sunday in attempts to preserve his legacy. We later discover in “House In Nebraska '', Ethel is currently devastated her lover Willoughby Tucker (Very important character for later) has recently left her, so she drinks to numb the pain. So she often comes to service drunk but still ‘Delivers’.

Jesus, if you're listening let me handle my liquor

And Jesus, if you're there, why do I feel alone in this room with you?

This part genuinely breaks me. Despite the hardships she deals with in her religion she still finds comfort in it. As we learn later in the album, she may have created an aversion due to the trauma she has experienced at the hands of her father. Hayden herself has stated she had trouble finding God;

“It never so much for me was about God. It was more for me about the way people were interacting with each other in the name of god. All of the personal drama was really weird. I was like, god does not even feel like he’s in here. I’m spiritual in my own way now, but Christian religion doesn’t really go further for me than just fodder for my artwork.”

[Pre-Chorus]

And I feel it there

In the middle of the night

When the lights go out

But I'm still standing here

[Chorus]

Say what you want, but say it like you mean it

With your fists for once, a long cold war

With your kids at the front

Just give it one more day, then you're done

Done

I do what I want, crying in the bleachers

And I said it was fun

I don't need anything from anyone

It's just not my year

But I'm all good out here

[Chorus]

Say what you want, but say it like you mean it

With your fist for once

A long cold war

With your kids at the front

Just give it one more day, then you're done

I do it for my daddy and I do it for Dale

I'm doing what I want and damn, I'm doing it well

For me, for me

At the end of the song, the tune is sampled from Don't Stop Believin’. Wow

Track 3

House In Nebraska

(tw. A really really sad song. Sex ? Drinking) This song hits WAYYYY too close to home holy mother of God.

[Verse 1]

Labored breaths and bed sores

They have difficulty breathing because of sitting down for long amounts of time depicting imagery of illness.

Sing it to me all day long

When the aching sound of silence

Used to be our favorite song

The two of them don't talk to each other often while listening to songs together. This also implies the sound of each other's silence brought them comfort and they often basked in each other's feelings. Nmfnjdnhubivifkv

You and me against the world

You were my man and I your girl

We had nothing except each other

You were my whole world

Heart shattering. “Everybody but his mama just calls him “Will”, though, as in “will do just about anything”. They were right; I can’t remember a time when that boy wasn’t getting his ass chewed out by his daddy but I was sweet on him for it. I’ve been sweet to him, long as I can remember.”

But then the day came

And you were up and gone

[Chorus]

And I still call home that house in Nebraska

“I saw Nebraska as the center of America, a wide open expanse, an open wheat field that just went on forever and ever. It was this empty place that I would imagine myself running away to someday, being completely alone with the love of my life forever. It’s heaven on earth—you’ll never be bothered again.”

Where we found each other on a dirty mattress on the second floor

Where the world was empty

Save you and I

Where you came and I laughed, and you left, and I cried

Where you told me even if we died tonight, that I'd die yours

In her ideal image of happiness she is somebody’s property, whether she is her father’s daughter or her partner's girlfriend.

[Verse 2]

These dirt roads are empty

The ones we paved ourselves

This creates an image of a ‘desired path’, this is where someone walks the same path, mostly on grass, and it erodes to create a pathway. This means Ethel and Willoughby walked to this house in Nebraska so many times they paved their own path.

Your mama calls me sometimes

To see if I'm doing well

And I lie to her

And say that I'm doing fine

When really I'd kill myself

To hold you one more time

And it hurts to miss you

But it's worse to know

That I'm the reason

You won't come home

This part literally hits too hard. I sob loudly. Ethel loves Willoughby so much but can't do anything to bring him back, whether that be who she is or what she did, nothing will make him come back home.

[Chorus]

But I still call home that house in Nebraska

Where we found each other on a dirty mattress on the second floor

(When I needed you, and I need you still)

Where the world was empty

Save you and I

Sometimes when you’re talking to someone you absolutely love it feels like the world stops and its only you and them.

Where you came and I laughed, and you left, and I cried

Where you told me even if we died tonight, that I'd die yours

(So I died there under you, every night, all night)

[Verse 3]

You know, I still wait at the edge of town

Praying straight to God that maybe you’ll come back around

This phrasing may be a reference to Bruce Springsteen’s song “Reason to Believe,” in which verse two details a woman waiting at the edge of a road for her lover to return to her. This song is from Springsteen’s album Nebraska, which shares not just geographic but thematic elements with Preacher’s Daughter.

I cry every day, and the bottles make it worse

This takes us back to American Teenager where she drinks to feel better and drinks during her sermons at church.

'Cause you were the only one I was never scared to tell I hurt

AJUVIYGIUKHMN B. Ethel was so connected to him she shared her most intimate thoughts and memories with him. He would never judge Ethel.

And I found photographs of our school, on the day we met

I thought that you were so beautiful, it was love, I guess

And you might never come back home, and I may never sleep at night

But God, I just hope you're doing fine out there, I just pray that you're all right

Ethel still has faith in God to ask him to keep Willoughby okay and safe. This line suggests naivety in Ethel.

[Outro]

And I feel so alone

And I feel so alone out here

I feel so alone

And I feel so alone out here

And I feel so alone without you

I'm so alone out here

I feel so alone, I feel so alone

I'm so alone out here without you, baby

(I'm alone)

Track 4

Western Nights

(tw. Abuse. Drinking. sex. )

This track is about Ethel and her relationship with her new partner, Logan Phelps. Ethel sings about staying by his side at all times, devoted to him, no matter what. Logan, though, is incredibly abusive towards Ethel, but Ethel finds herself hopelessly in love with him.

[Verse 1]

He's never looked more beautiful

On his Harley in the parking lot

Breaking in to the ATMs

Sleeping naked when it gets too hot

I watched him show his love through shades of black and blue

Starting fights at the bar across the street like you do

Logan is a shady character and is no stranger to danger. Though he does care for Ethel in his own way, the way he shows it is… something.

The neighbors beat on the walls while I'm face-first in the bed

They fuck.

Show me how much I mean to you, while I'm lying in these sheets undressed

Logan only seems to use Ethel for sex, whilst it feels like love, Ethel can only feel vulnerable with Logan if she uses her body.

[Pre-Chorus]

I'd hold the gun if you asked me to

But if you love me like you say you do

Would you ask me to

Despite being scared of the situations he gets in, Ethel is devoted to Logan, she willingly stays by his side at all times and she’d even get hurt or risk her life for him.

[Chorus]

Trouble's always gonna find you baby

But so will I

Crying only because I'm happy

She tries to justify her tears and sadness with life as her being ‘happy’ when in fact she's lost

Hold me across every state line

I'm never gonna leave you baby

Even if you lose what's left of your mind

Ethel is choosing to stay with Logan even if he's driven to madness, she chooses to stay in this abusive relationship as it's the only thing she has left and what she grew up thinking was love.

'Cause you know I'll be right there beside you

Riding through all these western nights

[Verse 2]

I haven't spoken to my daddy in a long, long time

During the events of this album, specifically this song, Ethel is 20. Joseph Cain died when she was 10.

I don't want him to worry, always wondering if I'm alright

But the neighborhood keeps getting smaller

All starved out when the money's paper thin

All that's left are your walls and you'll die there

I should have known that there's no getting in

These lines are a metaphor of the mental state Logan is in, his world-view is becoming more and more narrow. Her lover has blocked out everything except the walls of his beliefs that have trapped him. The line “But the neighbourhood keeps getting smaller” can be a term for their friendship group, as Ethel stays with Logan and as Logan becomes more violent, their friends keep leaving.

[Chorus]

Trouble's always gonna find you baby

But so will I

Crying only because I'm happy

Hold me across every state line

I'm never gonna leave you baby

Even if you lose what's left of your mind

'Cause you know I'll still be right behind you

Riding through all these western nights

[Outro]

Through these western nights

Crying in the light of the TV static

I'll still be alright

Clinging onto you like some love blind addict

I'll be screaming your name

Past the gas stations, trailing down the interstate

Please don't love how I need you

Ethel is so deeply devoted to Logan she hopes he doesn't use this to take advantage.

And know that one day, you and I could be ok

Btw if this makes you feel better Logan dies in a gun fight.

Track 5

Family Tree

(tw. Generational trauma. death. )

Since Cain reveals the lethal agency her persona wields, causing strife within a convoluted family network marked by violence on all fronts, the song exudes a slow-burning intensity. Ethel is forced to flee from the police after her lover Logan was killed in a gun fight with them during a bank heist. When she learns a disturbing family secret, things worsen.

[Verse 1]

These crosses all over my body

Remind me of who I used to be

Give myself up to him in offering

Let him make a woman out of me

Both becoming a wife and having sex is in traditional southern culture often marks womanhood, this corresponds to the chorus where he “wash all over her” aka has sex with her after they get married at the chapel.

I'm just a child but I'm not above violence

Though in the last line we spoke about how she's a woman now, this line shows how she’s still naive and immature in nature.

My mama raised me better than that

Ethel learnt from her mother at an early age that violence is the superior mode of behaviour - this may allude to her mother being abusive towards her directly or Ethel witnessing her mother being abusive to others. This line also corresponds with the messages of intergenerational trauma and what it can do over the course of different generations, this is one of the key themes in the album, and alludes to the name of the song's title about the Cain’s family tree and how their trauma follows the women in the family.

When the preacher

talks, that man demands his silence

And daddy said shoot first then run and don't look back

[Chorus]

So take me down to the river and bathe me clean

Put me on the back of your white horse to ride

All the way to thе chapel, let you wash all over mе

Being bathed in a river in Cain’s religious background can mean being baptised or washing away sin. White horses are often pictured with a prince riding them, Logan was not a prince but Ethel loved him and saw him in rose coloured glasses. This ‘prince’ imagery continues as this prince is taking her to the chapel.

[Verse 2]

I've killed before and I'll kill again

Take the noose off, wrap it tight around my hand

This goes back to the intro “Swinging by my neck from the family tree”. Here, shes taking control of the situation. Undoing the noose and is now using it as a weapon.

They say heaven hath no fury like a woman scorned

This line is from an adapted quote originating in William Congreve’s 1697 play, The Mourning Bride. Ethel is a mourning bride at this point as Logan was just gunned down after a robbery gone wrong. We rejoyce.

And baby, hell don't scare me, I've been times before

Many of Ethel’s songs explore hellish experiences and traumas. Themes of substance abuse, violence, poverty, and incest are common in her music. I’ll talk about the incest part later if you need. dw.

[Chorus]

So take me down to the river and bathe me clean

Put me on the back of your white horse to ride

All the way to the chapel, let you wash all over me

[Bridge]

These crosses all over my body

Remind me of who I used to be

Let Christ forgive these bones I've been hiding

And the bones I'm about to leave

Her voice here makes me actually recoil like hnbmmnn

[Chorus]

And take me down to the river and bathe me clean

Put me on the back of your white horse to ride

All the way to the chapel, let you wash all over me

Track 6

Hard Times

(tw. Incest. sa)

The song, which concludes Act One of the album, elaborates on the conflict in the family, and Cain confesses that she fears how strongly she wants to be like the fatherly figures who harmed her. Ethel contemplating the conflicted emotions she had towards her father in light of the sexual assault she experienced from him as a child. She was extremely young throughout this assault as her father passed away when she was ten.

This song is genuinely soul crushing.

[Verse 1]

Hide me there

Under the leaves

This line highlights abuse Ethel endured as a child in the hands of someone she trusted, maybe hiding her in leaves during and/or after the abuse took place. This can also paint a picture of childhood as playing in piles of leaves.

Nine going on eighteen

Since Ethel got abused at so young she felt she had to grow up too early, this could also go back to Family Tree and religious culture in general as if you have sex you are seen as a woman, and eighteen is the age where you legally reach adulthood. Oh my god.

Lay it on me

Tell me a story

About how it ends

Where you're still the good guy

This alludes to the town Ethel grew up in, Shady Grove, telling stories about how amazing Rev. Joe Cain was, before and after his passing. Its also possible he blackmailed Ethel into doing the same, its a common tactic for abusers to make something so bad seem like its something good, especially when theyre so young.

I'll make pretend

'Cause I hate this story

Where happiness ends

And dies with you

Ethel expresses her distaste for this man who took advantage of her, she knows how it isnt fair that she got all this abuse and trauma and lives on with no justice whereas her abuser got to live on a saint in the eyes of everyone else.

[Chorus]

I thought good guys get to be happy

I'm not happy

I am poison in the water and unhappy

This seems to be a subtly deliberate manner of describing the transgender identity of Ethel Cain, which Hayden herself has endorsed. The protagonist herself is referred to as one of the "good guys," but she swiftly corrects herself by calling herself a "little girl."

Many sexual abuse victims also believe they are to blame for their misfortune and deserve it. The reason she describes herself as "poison in the water" may become clear in light of this. Many abuse victims commonly go back to their abusers because they are emotionally or financially dependent on them. The phrase "little girl who needs her daddy real bad" in the final paragraph most likely illustrates this.

Little girl who needs her daddy real bad

[Verse 2]

In the corner

On my birthday

You watched me

Unfortunately in this context, Joe was preying on Ethel as a child. Watching her lustfully instead of lovingly. Usually, birthday parties are supposed to be amazing memories for children where they get praise from their parents and friends but for Ethel, her birthdays where when her father would prey upon her, watching her.

Dancing right there in the grass

I was too young

To noticе

That some types of love could bе bad

Ethel was too young to notice that this type love wasnt correct, she mistook this type of love as wholesome. Learning that not everyone has your best interests in mind is a part of growing up, and in Ethel's case, her father was regrettably one of those people.

Praying I'd be like you

Doing all of the things that you do

And I still do

And that scares me

Despite knowing her he abused her, Ethel experiences a form of trauma bonding and admires her father and the man he was outside of his abuse.

[Outro]