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TW: Grooming / Predatory Behavior / NSFW Content / EXPOSURE OF NSFW TO A MINOR & SEXUALIZATION OF CHILDREN

EXPOSING: @_MAD_bunny

!!DO NOT HARASS ANYONE WITHIN THIS DOC, IT WON’T MAKE YOU ANY BETTER, SUPPORT VICTIMS.!!

This Document is created because I have been feeling terrible, watching my very groomer continue to have a platform, continue to grow an audience that isn't aware about what he's done, done to me.

He was already called out yes, yes he has, but an important story was left out.

MY story, my story, my trauma, so much evidence has been left out, so much that he's done, to me, an actual child who was 13-14 around this time, looking back at what happened has caused me to breakdown, have constant paranoia, since he blocked me without a single word, nothing of acknowledgment about what he's done to me, no sense of closure, but I don't want closure from him personally, he's ruined my life, my mindset, me as a person, he's the reason my hypersexuality has been hell, he caused- -so much trauma towards me, that I feel because of the extent of his actions, I need my story to be known, I deserve to be known, my story needs to be known.

This isn’t about fictional kids anymore.

MEETING MAD. 

I am going to focus on the evidence and evidence alone, at the very end of this, I'll go over my overall feelings of everything as of currently.

As well as every step of grooming with my friend, who volunteered to help write for this, after my story is done, because let's be real, this isn’t easy to write.

Back in January of 2022, I was 13 around this time (Im 16 as of writing this.), I have been in the South Park fandom for a good while now, I was normalized to the thought of sexualizing the South Park kids, I compared what the show put them through, to the sexualization, and was in the belief it was normal to sexualize them, I saw nothing wrong with it, I was in a mindset that it was normal to do, and I unfortunately enjoyed it, I was suffering with Hypersexuality at 13, and I didn’t know any better.

And I made the mistake of joining an 18+ South Park server, filled with proshippers, and everyone around, I’d blend in and say I was 19, and take advantage on how deep my voice was, to blend in, this point was on me, I’ll admit, this space was intended for adults, and adults only, despite the foul content they made, it was 18+ in every right it needed to be, it's better than encouraging minors in the server, and I’ll give it that

So it was a genuine honest mistake on my part, but I was also 13, and struggling with hypersexuality, and there was no genuine way for me to realize around this timestamp, It was out of desperation to fit in, i’d be more urged to join servers that solely will know you for that one thing alone, I turned away from my friends because I felt none of them would understand, it doesn’t make what I did any less of a mistake, but its a reason.

But while I was on the server, I found a familiar content creator, Melodii,(I’ll call them Mel since that's how I knew them.), I recognized them, and I loved and enjoyed their South Park content, I talked with them in the server and we hit it off instantly, which led to me adding them.

KEEP IN MIND, IN THIS STAGE THEY BELIEVE I’M AN ADULT! I WON’T HOLD THEM AS ACCOUNTABLE FOR THIS SECTION.

(1/05/22)

We both meet, and get to know each other, I tell them various of my ideas within SP NSFW, and we carry on and on, discussing it, I won’t go in detail on what we talked about because, some of it wasn’t even important in the first place, just casual talking, and they thought I was an adult, so the issue wasn’t nearly as big yet.

Though, know they made a lot more drawings of NSFW of the South Park kids, a lot more than what was shown in the document of their previous callout.

They’ve had worse things done with the South Park kids, which I will get into soon, they drew more than what they even admitted to.

I’m bringing this up since, they are more responsible than someone whose only 13, despite me lying about my age in this moment, their intentions are far more questionable, especially with how they displayed these drawings.

((TW: CENSORED NSFW BELOW!!))

More of the NSFW art he’s made.

(My Friend below vv )

The drawings in the previous callout were not even close to the true extent of what they actually drew. There were far more, many of which depicted even more intense scenes, and focused on the children’s reactions.

One specific comic focused on Kenny’s facial expressions and his reactions to the scenarios. Mel put focus onto his face, framing him as the sexual target of the drawings. It could be accurately described as an ahegao face. Whether or not this is an implication of attraction to the character or not is up to you.

He also took the time to comb through what was likely minutes of audio of a child character moaning to arrange into an edit to pretend he’s having sex.

These more intense creations were kept hidden away from the public too, only shared with Dawnii, and possibly(?) close friends.

(Dawn again vv)

But we’ll get into that very soon, but we just need it to be known, there is much more than what meets the eye here, his previous callout was not enough.

Our conversations carried on, what Mel perceived as an adult, having adult conversations, it was all fair, but here's the thing.

When you have a minor thats 4-5 years younger than you discussing NSFW with you, and they lied about their age, and you discussed NSFW with them beforehand, NEVER keep up that aspect of your friendship if you choose to stay as their friend, never discuss NSFW with a minor 4-5 years younger than you when your the adult in this situation.

It's your responsibility as an adult to make sure minors stay out of adult spaces, and too keep them from danger, and never encourage anything, never normalize anything to them, because you have a huge influence over them, regardless of your intentions, it's common sense to know to never discuss this type of thing with someone 4-5 years younger than you.

That unfortunately wasn’t my case.

CONFESSING MY AGE.

After knowing them for about 4 days, my guilt caught up to me, I felt bad for lying, I felt terrible for lying about my age, but I didn’t wanna lose him as a friend, the NSFW conversations wasn’t my biggest worry at all, him as a friend was everything to me,  he was a great friend to me, and so.. I confessed my age.

Everything I say about myself in this scenario is something a minor should NEVER talk about themselves, never claim themselves to be overly developed or mature enough for these things, for simply being traumatized and normalized to specific behaviors, i’d say I don’t care so it seems as if talking to me about it isn’t an issue but, it’s an issue regardless.

And no adult, should agree with me, this is a vulnerable state a child is in, and regardless of what I say, I should’ve been treated as a child, even if I wouldn’t understand back then, I would’ve understood later in life, if it meant my safety as the younger, then it meant it.

And so, here’s Mel’s response, and how the entire conversation went.

“I’ve been seeing people be overly harsh to young people who are more mature than their age”

This is a horrifying statement to make. There is no such thing as a child being as mature as an adult. A child may engage in nsfw concepts but they will NEVER be as mature as an adult while engaging in it.

Mel doesn’t state that he hates seeing people blame kids for sexual behavior, he states he hates people who are harsh towards minors who are “more mature”, as if he genuinely believes that a kid can be mature enough to engage in an adult environment.

Their statement that they had other young friends in similar situations they’ve “understood” and helped “if” they were struggling is concerning too.

A child engaging in an adult space is ALWAYS struggling & in danger, they wouldn’t be there if they weren’t.

Yes there’s the (unlikely) possibility he somehow just worded everything here horribly, but this is still a horrible thing to tell a child, especially as it’s clear Dawn immediately internalized it. And the fact Mel does not correct himself as Dawn obviously dives into that dangerous mindset.

There’s NO protest as Dawn (being an exploited vulnerable child) begins to defend minors being inside adult places, and engaging in nsfw with adults.

Mel even shows distaste towards adults who discourage that behavior. And directly agrees with Dawn that it doesn’t make sense that other adults don’t “understand” teens who are more mature than their age.

(Dawn even refers to himself as a child even in this conversation. Not just a teen, a child.)

(My Friend again vv )

As the older one in the situation, it was Mel’s responsibility to shut the NSFW down. There was NO reason for Mel to continue the NSFW aspects of their friendship if what Dawn only expressed fear for was the loss of their friendship. If Mel cared about him but still wanted to be friends, he would have cut off the NSFW conversations and just bonded over normal fandom activity.

There is absolutely no reason for Melodii to have kept discussing these topics except for his own benefit. He didn’t hesitate to continue the way they were or even offer to turn their bond into something more innocent, at least one of the reasons he valued Dawn was for the ability to discuss taboo secret NSFW topics with him, even at his expense, even though he was a child.

Noting something else;

A lot of groomers will initially create a more “safe” kind of relationship with their victim, like familial roles. Mel immediately accepts the role of “older sibling” when Dawn states he never had a real relationship with his own, and Mel does not protest against the idea of  pushing past what would be the normal bounds of a sibling-like relationship (something Dawn proposed when he said ““Except we ain’t biologically related and I can open up to way more and feel more comfy around”).

Siblings do not talk about nsfw topics that they’re attracted to. Dawn of course doesn’t know better, doesn’t know that this isn’t normal. But Mel? Mel should, Mel is an older sibling, he knows his own interactions with his family. He knows that this is not how he would talk to his siblings.

The fact this was only within 4 days too is concerning.

This wasn’t likely a calculated choice he made in pushing the borders of a sibling relationship. Yet it still works towards destroying boundaries all the same, boundaries that are incredibly important.

(Dawn speaking vv)

It was especially hard for me since I had a tendency to lean towards adults, it was a huge indicator of my vulnerability, The lack of being able to get the attention from family members in life the way I needed is the reason I felt the need, and of course I was groomed another time, 3 years ago from this timestamp. (2022), so I was still vulnerable, in the process of coping from it.

NORMALIZATION.

!!CENSORED NSFW TW!!

After I confessed my age, after everything, Mel and I continued to discuss NSFW, they continued to fantasize around me, I continued to believe it was normal.

We continued to give NSFW ideas, share drawings together, nonstop.

I Don’t even feel I need to fully explain this, I’m hoping it's obvious enough on the issue itself here, He was actively encouraging me to send NSFW, draw NSFW, share NSFW ideas with me, from an 18 year old to a 13 year old. 

This would go on for months, months.

And it would continue-

Mel had every chance to consider that maybe this wasn’t right at all, could’ve said something, even the proshipping SP server he was in where he met me, it was strictly 18+, it's a known factor that minors can’t be in 18+ spaces, let alone talk about it with adults.

And the fact he continued to talk with me about it, leaving me to believe it's all normal, disgusts me.

I was led to believe playing roblox with Mel, having fun, drawing together, was just as normal as discussing NSFW, whether its roleplays, ideas, drawings, it was all on the same level, I was influenced by them.

Here below, I was unfortunately discussing The Coon (Cartman) and Mysterion (Kenny).

Mentioning going onto Whiteboard Fox, and then playing Roblox, shows just how normal this all was to me, it was just talking with my friend, I never believed the age gap was an issue, I never worried about it, I thought this was an adult I could trust, someone who said I was “mature” for all of this, (Let's be real, that was his point, he questioned it, he validated everything I said about myself, calling myself mature for this, he never stopped me, he never did anything as he had the upper-hand in this situation to stop me, he only used it to enable me, and what we discussed together.)

Every bit of his reactions, to everything I say, everything I show my interest in, I hate to get extra personal but each of his replies make me feel nothing but disgust.

I can’t bear to show our casual conversations, but we’d have plenty, SFW and NSFW mixed up together, I’d be in the genuine belief it was all normal.

This is the most I can show, I hope the point has gotten through that everything was normalized to me, on the same level as NSFW.

And the second screenshot is more of him encouraging NSFW conversations, replying, enjoying it, showing his hint of thrill and horniness through it all.

Its fucking disgusting.

They actively would admit just how much they enjoy Kenman, finding it hot, a ship between two children, finding sexual art of them hot, “having the hots” for it.

He’s actively horny around a 13 year old.

Do I even genuinely need to explain this? I have the anxiety some people will pull 50 mental gymnastics to defend this but this is beyond fucked up.

I cared for them, I saw them as my best friend, someone who just wanted me to feel comfortable, that this really was something normal to do.

:(

This behavior would continue, as he would continue to send me drawings of his own as well.

He thirsted over it, he thirsted over the ideas.

He would still go to send me NSFW, coming to me himself, to share his progress, he’d send PORN to a 13 YEAR OLD, and look for my reaction, my enjoyment, for me to beg for more, this behavior would continue on and on.

An 18 year old, to a 13 year old.

And what's worse was sharing a Lil bro and Big bro dynamic, a sibling dynamic as friends, something Mel agreed upon, It adds to the eeriness on how much I looked up to him as an adult friend, and to genuinely believe it was safe to discuss NSFW with him like this.

Especially when he actively shows signs of thirsting over the ideas themselves, the ideas of children fucking.

((More evidence below leaning towards that))

And whatever Mel tries to pull from our DMs if they do try to defend themselves on this, this wont matter at all, it wont add any more context to support anything.

This was an 13-14 year old and a 18-19 year old, I held no power over Mel, never forced Mel, nothing was said about the NSFW at all.

They didnt stop the fact I had a running Twitter account where i’d post NSFW.

@Kr1sDreemur was my old account, and they did nothing on the fact I was in an 18+ server surrounded by adults, they shouldn't have listened to me, listened to a 13 year old who didn't know any better, who's should've been helped in the right direction by the very person they were friends with.

((SS OF ME IN THE SERVER BELOW, IM KR1S))

We even did NSFW roleplays together, with the SP kids, once again, 18 and 13.

The only screenshots I could ever grab from the roleplay server, since the server was deleted.

Various of other drawings he made, around the time he thought I was an adult, but he still made so many of these, outside of what the document has shown,

And even months later, he stills sends it to me, knowing I'm a minor.

He continues to send more to me.

And from earlier, as stated from my friend,

“One specific comic focused on Kenny’s facial expressions and his reactions to the scenarios. Mel put focus onto his face, framing him as the sexual target of the drawings. It could be accurately described as an ahegao face. Whether or not this is an implication of attraction to the character or not is up to you.”

And Mel made a 10 second video, a recording, of Kenny getting fucked, something they took the time to put together, it was made for enjoyment.

And as quoted from my friend,

“He also took the time to comb through what was likely minutes of audio of a child character moaning to arrange into an edit to pretend he’s having sex.”

first screenshot,  the children's genitals were the focus, the second and third one, was an AUDIO of a child, getting fucked, a fictional child, wasn't even anything for vent purposes at all, it was a thrill, sexualization.

Mel even admitted this himself.

Oh and I wanna and need to mention this, our friendship did continue, the NSFW talk slowed down due to me having other friends and moving into different fandoms, but the effects itself never went away, his actions didn't matter any less, the things he's done to me, and I always believed in him, I believed everything as normal.

And one day, I noticed he unfollowed me on Twitter, so I asked him about it.

This conversation messed me up for a good while, everything he said made me feel terrible, I felt like I was pushy towards him, I’ve done something wrong, he would never communicate to me or take true responsibility, even if he did know, he’d constantly be beating around the bush if you speak on actions, he never addressed the elephant in the room, himself and what he's done to me.

He makes me feel as if I'm in blame the moment he states I seemed clingy towards him, or stating I was a bit clingy, Though Mel quite literally is the one at fault for it, he enabled me, let me stay around, encourage these conversations, grow a bond with me, make me feel special, call us a special bond, expose me to NSFW, and do all of these things together that a grown adult and a minor should never do for fucks sake.

If I truly was clingy, then that is the result of what he's done to me, the result of a grooming victim getting attached, He showed no hesitation towards my energy, or what I'd say, he never said anything, I never tried to push any of his boundaries ever, I kept talking the way we always did before I revealed my age and he showed no sign of discomfort, as we continued on with the same dynamic like nothing happened.

13-14, and 18-19.

(My birthday is February 21st btw, so yes, I was also 14, and he turned 19 that very year.)

It felt as if they truly were trying to push blame on me, knowing it's their own fault, they carried this one, they could've ended it at any moment, they could've ended it the moment I said my age, but they did not.

It left me nervous to even message Mel, nervous if I was bothering him, or coming off as clingy, when I simply wanted to check up on him, because I cared about him, the NSFW wasn't important.

As he did eventually apologize about it, after me being paranoid to message him countless times, but if I'm gonna be honest?? What he said was still extremely hurtful, it hurt me, i'm going to keep this paragraph up, because it still matters, it matters to me, within my heart, this all hurts me, and I feel a right to say how I feel and how affective this is.

Even if he apologized.

It doesn't matter, these effects are still there, there's a good chance I was clingy, to a point it bothered him, so he should know that's a consequence of his own actions, your watching what you've done and caused to this child, come together.

And I rightfully didn't consider myself clingy, it hurt me.

He hurt me.

Mel encouraged everything, and how I am now, is the result of his own actions, now he gets to witness just how bad the effects have gotten to me.

And he never cared.

It showed the most when the very call-out was made on him.

Speaking of the call-out..

THE KNOWN CALLOUT.

And now we're near the time Melodii got called out, I apologize about the gaps of timestamps, if there's any that bothers you as you read, I'm trying to really focus on what's important here, the actions alone, not useless and regular conversations we have, but Mel got called out on what he did, but not to the extent of everything he truly had.

I hit him with a message and asked him what's wrong.

Keep in mind though, I was still heavily influenced by him, everything we've had together, what he's influenced me with, the mindset still lingered even after a year went by, It was so normalized to me that you can sexualize the SP kids, I didn't see an issue with it, so thats why you see me so defensive over him, I was wrong for what I said but I meant to genuinely defend him, and i believed it was okay, Everything I say is a result of what he's done to me, the mindset he groomed me into, everything he's done.

Everything I say is the result of it all, the result of being a victim.

Please take everything I say there into consideration, this is a manipulated mindset.

I did everything I could, I thought he was being lied to, I didn't see any harm in anything, and I pray to god this doesn't come off as me trying to influence him in any way, it all came from genuine concern and confusion, I was still a victim.

I don’t care if Mel or anyone else thinks that he’s trying to take accountability in these screenshots by leaving twitter and “stepping back” from the nsfw. None of that fucking matters, and I'm not gonna sugarcoat it.

he was still in contact with me, the child he groomed. He was saying how much he cares for and loves me, how much I mean to him. There’s zero apologies in any of this discussion for his specific behaviors towards me.

He outright says he has no issues with what we've discussed, after an entire year, he has not changed his mind on that. To him it was just “not the right time”

A Groomer cannot better actions they've already taken, especially when they never admitted to what they did in the first place. I'm not calling Melodii out so he can change, no, he had plenty of time to change. I want him to face consequences for his actions now, and for people to hear me and see what he’s been trying to push under the rug.

He refused to take accountability for me, he only ever admitted guilt for what he's drawn

Never what he did to me, I was never an issue apparently, I was never someone he harmed apparently, my story wasn't there, he never showed guilt to what he's done to me, never for sharing it to a 13-14 year old.

I was left in the shadows, never mentioned once, and hell

I think whether or not you’re "Proship" or "Profic" if you’re reading this, you’ll hopefully see the harm in his actions. Whether or not this content is okay or not on its own doesn't matter, what matters is the bigger picture, and that bigger picture is a grown adult, discussing NSFW to a minor and shaping their views on it, and grooming them. I wasn’t old enough to have a valid opinion on this kind of thing, yet he helped me make one. He helped influence me on something I shouldn’t have even been around.

And I hope by this point you all can understand just how terrible this is, have the human decency to understand, I am anxious I'll only be harassed or called stupid for all of this.

But I am in my right to know just how serious this really is.

After everything Mel has done to me, through these past 2 years, wanna know what he does to me at the very end of it all?

After a long amounts of silence, I was going to message him.

He blocked me.

Without a single word, as he just moved on

The decision to block me was overall sick, and terrible decision to make, him blocking me, and especially on my Kr1sDreemur account (which is deactivated as of now)

It shows he knows he did something wrong, he knows what he's done, to me, but he doesn't say a single thing, he knows what he's done is terrible, he doesn't tell me anything before leaving, no apology, no sense of care or guilt at all.

Just trying to run away from me.

Thinking I got busy enough in life to stop checking on him, and his account, thinking I won't notice, he's running from his mistakes, and I'm the mistake he made, someone he ruined, someone he traumatized.

He refused to confess anything about me, acknowledge me anywhere, and for what Mel, to simply move on with life because your bettering yourself? Well if you really wanna better yourself, why do you not care about what you've done?

This makes me sick, beyond sick.

And now, a very important part of all this, with the help of my friend for writing this, since, I need help with this, this is a situation I can't go through alone.

GROOMING.

(My friend vv)

Typically when people think of grooming it’s under the definition of a predator seeking out a victim to exploit, a purely intended plan thought out and enacted with precision.

With the steps (summed up);

1. Targeting/identifying a victim

The predator will seek out and identify a vulnerable target. They will focus on traits that they can easily exploit, like emotional vulnerability, past trauma, etc. The predator will place themself in situations that purposely give them contact with potential victims.

2. Gaining trust

The predator will choose their target and begin to gain their trust.  They’ll establish friendship and friendly contact. They’ll help them, let them vent to them, and talk about everyday topics with them. They’ll give them gifts or do them favors, or anything that can build trust.

3. Fulfilling a need

The predator will create a dependency within the victim from what they observed of their vulnerabilities. They will fill the role the victim needs, be it a mentor, parental figure, sibling figure, friend, or romantic partner. This ensures the victim needs their presence to fill the missing role on their life.

4. Isolation

The predator will try to create a split between what little positive support the victim does have. They will create lies about or exaggerate flaws within other figures the victim trusts to create distance in their relationships. They will proclaim nobody except themself understands the victim, loves them, cares about them, ETC.  they will also state that nobody except the victim understands them too, creating a feeling that only they two can share this “special bond”.

5. Desensitizing the victim/Sexualizing the relationship

The predator will gradually push the boundaries of the relationship to further extents. Their acts will go from covert to overt. They will normalize sexualized topics and encourage discussion and engagement with them. They’ll make sexual discussions seem normal and routine.

6. Maintaining control/Maintenance 

The predator will repeat aspects of the previous steps to make sure the victim stays in their control.

HOWEVER, it is extremely limiting to victims when grooming is limited to the very specific idea of “targeting”, an opinion shared by many psychologists who study these predators and the effects of their actions.

https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/09540253.2021.1884199#d1e158

Grooming is still a highly selective term, but it should NOT be defined by the intent of the predator,

it is much more helpful for it to be defined by the actions taken towards the victim. In this sense of grooming, it does not matter whether the predator had prior intent to seek out a victim, it simply matters that they made a victim.

Dawn speaking again.

It's no isolated or targeted incident, but it's not any less of grooming.

I'll go over each step he put me through, It doesn't need to be every step to be grooming, keep it in mind.

1. Gaining trust.

After I confessed my age, being 13, because I won't hold Mel as accountable for his actions before I confessed, he continued to talk with me.

He reassured me, and continued to say many comforting words, words to reassure me, to make me feel safe, he emphasized with me and agreed with me on many things, especially things adults should never agree upon.

He agrees with everything I state, even claiming to say Minors are mature enough to be in adult spaces, he questions that sometimes too.

It's clear my vulnerabilities are there, as I explicitly state here below

My vulnerability is leaning towards making adult friends, this is a vulnerability that was known, finding comfort in making adult friends, while NSFW topics are being normalized to me.

2. Fulfilling a need.

And as stated below

“The predator will create a dependency within the victim from what they observed of their vulnerabilities. They will fill the role the victim needs, be it a mentor, parental figure, sibling figure, friend, or romantic partner. This ensures the victim needs their presence to fill the missing role on their life.”

This is important, as I immediately asked if we could be siblings, not even after 4 days of knowing each other, due to how much of a comfort he was to me, an adult friend I looked up to, and considered family.

The bond is set, as now I depend on them as my older sibling, someone I can look up to, because I seeked attention from adults because I lacked it, and to gain a “family” bond with someone, who knows my age, and actively discusses NSFW with me regardless? That will take a toll on me.

It ensured me that they would play the missing role of my life.

And make me feel special.

They are fulfilling their need because they are showing how much they rely on me with this topic, these drawings, because they can hardly be as open about it to anyone else, claiming I'm the only person they've ever sent these drawings to.

(Below)

And this may have stuck around, as they have decided to keep the NSFW aspect of our friendship, we had much more outside of NSFW, playing Roblox, discussing AUs together, our own general work, art, and animations, but yet, that part had to stay, it was encouraged, enabled.

All because it was a thrill.

They quite literally confess right here

(Below)

They say all of this, but leave my story out, the only implication I see referring to me is “decided to share them unfortunately”, they aren't taking true accountability, and haven't taken it for years, had plentiful of chances.

But they chose to block me, to run away rather than take responsibility.

The confession on discord they had makes it all the more fucked up knowing the context now, that they shared this thrill with a CHILD, Something that turned them on, flustered them, thirsted, and they shared it with a child and engaged in as much conversation about it as possible, roleplaying, sending drawings, normalizing all of these things, to a child.

He says he was never attracted to them, but it's hard to not believe they weren't, when they draw the children in specific in these drawings being the focus of it all, close up shots of their faces, the genitals, thirsting over Mysterion pulling his pants down, making an entire audio of a child getting fucked.

Hard not to believe he was attracted to these fictional children at some point, so it shows he was lying on many things, to avoid accountability for his actions.

He's avoided many things, and hopefully this time, this will bring justice.

He fulfilled his need to discuss NSFW further with me because I was vulnerable enough to give in, and that's what proves this step.

And the next one is

5. Desensitizing the Victim/Sexualizing the Relationship

while I will say, he never had any sexual interaction aimed at me directly, he never tried to sexualize me, never tried anything to me directly, but this point still stands, it's still there.

It's about making sexual topics, and sexual discussion normal, normalizing it to me more and more, discussing it as if it's routine, and on the same level as any other thing we’ve done together.

Exposing me to this topic, encouraging it, desensitizing me to it, the boundaries were beyond what's appropriate for a grown adult, and a minor whose 4-5 years younger than them, enjoying what we discussed, and carrying it on.

(SS examples below)

It's difficult to go back here so the entire Normalization section of everything is everything about Desensitizing the victim, and sexualizing the relationship. (Not dating, or any of that, it's still a relationship regardless, doesn't need to be romantic.)

6. Maintaining Control/Maintenance

Mel has repeated this type of thing for months on end, even after months of silence we would carry on the same thing, discuss new ideas, this kept happening on and on, every step you see, it repeated, we’ll hang out, refer to each other as siblings, as family, discuss NSFW constantly, it'll be encouraged, and so on so forth, it repeats itself

These all show he has groomed me, terribly, and I feel ashamed for it all.

EVERYTHING. 

Now, I will discuss everything, now that all the evidence is there, my story is known, I need my feelings to be known.

Because he was never bothered to care or consider my feelings on how much he's truly hurt me so please, I ask of you to please listen.

This document was the hardest document I ever had to make ever, this was something that's still very hard for me to accept, It feels like seeing the true colors of someone you held rose colored glasses over for so long, and you cant believe they are the real colors,

 i'm so used to the pallet i've known all my time knowing, and taking off those glasses has made me see so many things, so many things those glasses have never let me see, and I'm gonna be real, it hurt, it hurt so badly, I give Mel the benefit of the doubt still, that inner soft spot for him deep down makes my heart ache, he's a part of my vulnerable heart, and I wish he wasn't, I wish the thought of calling him out and trying to get him away, to never see him again wouldn't cause me to do nothing but cry.

Checking his account has held a mixture of comfort and yet dread, the comfort was built around lies, something I thought was normal, but truly wasn't, everything about what we had was wrong, terrible, and the dread, is the truth I hold close to me and cling onto, and I promise to never let go of that truth no matter how much my heart aches the further i write this.

It's a decision in my life where I finally stand up for justice, it's a betrayal that breaks my heart, I'm not happy writing this, I feel nothing but fear and dread, but yet desperation, and determination.

Mel held a special part in my heart, in my life, and I will admit, there was genuine fun times, times I find fond, times I'll recall and chuckle over, but the truth never falters, it's there, he groomed me.

It took me so long to actually accept he did, this isn't a situation when it just now clicked and I immediately make the document.

No, I had no confidence, it took me a long time to finally have the confidence to speak up about this, I went through so many stages of grief, it was grief to me, I loved the person I considered my brother, family, but it was a fucking lie.

When I finally realized it, I ended up dissociating all day, on my way out of school my heart raced, I felt tears in the back of my eyes, I felt like I couldn't breathe.

But I remained silent.

To even dare look back in DMs was a rollercoaster of emotions, looking through it with my friend to find information, to figure out what happened was terrible, I dissociated again, was left monotone as I barely reacted to anything, id act playful, but I wasn't okay at all in that moment, I was coping.

Coping with the fact my best friend groomed me.

I was left dissociative the whole time, fighting to not give Mel the benefit of the doubt, in the end I cried the moment I called my partner, I cried for only a minute.

Only a minute, and I couldn't cry anymore.

I was silent.

For days id dread about it all, watch as my very groomer had ran away to a new platform, a whole new following of 6’000, seeing how great of an image he had, just posting away at his art, I was never known.

My story was never known, nobody knew the extent of Mel's actions ever.

And it scared me so badly.

I do not want Mel to have a platform, he does not deserve one, I hate him I hate him so fucking much, he ruined everything about me, my mindset, the affects of all that normalization, desensitizing, it still lingers to this very day, and I'm dreading it everyday, no thanks to him

I will no longer be silent.

It hurts to say I hate him, but I know I do, I hate the fact he has a platform, he hate what he's done to me, I hate that he ran away, I hate that he refuses to take responsibility, I hate him, I hate that I deep down, still care about him.

It hurts

It fucking hurts

I write this all with heavy feelings in my heart, deep down, I won't dare say this verbally, my privacy matters but know, I'm devastated, I'm betrayed

I feel nothing but betrayal, I hate how much I feel like I'm gonna long for him, miss him, the deep down attachment lingers, and it's terrifying, he's put me through a hell I could never see, it blended in with those rose colored glasses I wore.

I thought I was understood, I thought it was a special friendship, something I can finally feel safe in to be open about my Hypersexuality.

And it's a fucking grown ass adult grooming me.

I HATE YOU MELODII. 

I HATE YOU.

And I hope you understand why and fucking accept it.

You've done enough running away, you've ruined my life, it's a blessing you were stupid enough to stay on the account, to let me bring this to justice.

I was left alone, underestimated, and of course it would click, id always remember, as months go by, years, I'll rethink our friendship, what we had, and each time, more thoughts and questions would come in.

It was a scary process, id cling onto the benefit of the doubt because I loved you, as the big brother I saw you as,

I believed in you.

I always have.

But slowly, I had to embrace the truth, it was a long and emotional embrace, an embrace I was hesitant about, but the moment I hugged back, I cried, my heart sunk to the floor

That block alone, made things click, so thank you for that. 

I hate I still give you a benefit of the doubt, but in the end I know my truth, and I know you don't deserve one.

You never did.

I feel terrible, I feel miserable, it feels like a loss, I'm grieving, but I'll never know what I grieve over, I believe it's the version of you I thought I knew, and to find out it was a lie is the most devastating thing.

Mel runs away from me, blocking me, out of what? Fear? Fear that they know what they did wrong? Thinking I harmed them? When I did nothing but follow their footsteps they led me down while I was vulnerable.

The lack of accountability makes me sick, and I'm fucking tired of staying silent, my brain is bigger than my heart, and I'm hoping soon, my heart will adapt with my brain.

He ran away thinking he'd get away with him, that what he did wouldn't come crawling back at him, he considered walking away from his issues and problems is taking accountability and responsibility.

He thought  id forget, move on in life and be too stupid to figure out what he did.

But no, I wouldn't.

I didn't forget.