Arguing with Your Jealous Angry Bully [M4A]
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*cloth sounds* Who the f- oh, it's you... What do you want? (pause) Huh? okay look, I don't have the time to talk to some annoying person like you.
You pissed me off yesterday when you embarrassed me in front of- (groan) never mind you embarrass me all the time, it's nothing new.
I have a party tonight that I have to go to so I can't waste any time with you. So don't you even talk to me. *cloth sounds* What?! What do you want?
Look, what's so fucking important that I have to stop myself just from talking to a simple moron like you, huh? *cloth sounds*
(closer) It better be important, you know that I'm quite an impatient guy. *cloth sounds* Tell me,
the party that I have to go to is in an hour and I need to find a date then... (pause)
Look, everyone going there has to have a partner or else people think you'll go there just to hook up, and I don't think the host would want that.
He's kind of a dick about it. (scoffs) Haha. right. funny, cause I'm supposed to be a dick. Well look, just because I'm a dick, doesn't mean I'm dense.
I am smart enough to know not to get on his bad side. He'll beat the shit out of me. What? Insecure? (scoffs) As if you know what it's like being insecure.
(sigh) Don't... even compare yourself to me. Uh- I mean (groan) we're going off track dammit, you need to be quick, what do you want? (pause) wait what?
You. You want to go to the party? (laugh) Be real, moron. Why would a loser like you even be invited? Do you even know the host? (pause) Right. No, you don't.
(pause) Wait... wait wait wait... what was that (pause) (laugh) Oh now that's even more hilarious, you want me to invite you as a date? (scoffs)
Oh god... this is so fucking embarrassing for you. Why in any universe would I bring you as a date? (pause) No, no. Tell me. I need a valid reason.
Since a loser like you would even think of such a thing. (pause) Wh- (scoffs) o... okay okay. Sure you give me all your test answers... fair point.
And... (pause) uh- (scoffs) Right, my personal punching bag sure. I mean you're an easy target, it's actually quite hilarious.
You're basically asking yourself to get made fun of.
(giggle) You really are easy to tease. (pause) (sigh) and... right. You did help me that one time when I got in trouble for barging into the lecture hall.
I'm actually surprised you even used that as an excuse for the professor. Oh- uhm... thanks for that, by the way. You saved my ass that time.
But don't think that just by saving me that one time can excuse you for still being pathetic.
You're still a prick for embarrassing me every time you talk to me and my friends. (pause) Uh... yeah, that shit still pisses me off. (pause) Wait what?
(pause) Of course I'm still friends with them, what do you mean by that? (pause) Ugh, I don't care if they're dickheads, they're nice to me. So?
(groan) You know what? I'll say it. I'm jealous. (pause) No, I mean it. Who- OF YOU, idiot. I'm jealous of you. Don't say this to anyone but... well...
(sigh) The only reason why I'm friends with them is because they're the only ones that were okay with me. So like, of course I'll stick with them.
a- and- you wouldn't even understand. You go around talking to any stranger and you're already friends within the first fucking conversation.
How are you *that* friendly towards people? It honestly makes me so sick. (pause) (scoffs) No... not really. I'm probably just jealous and bitter.
That's why I wanted to go to this party so bad, you know? Because I'm friends with them, I finally feel accepted at something and (scoffs) you know they like,
invite me to shit. Uh- look if you know that the host of the party is some mean asshole, why... why do you even wanna go? Like- okay...
Sure, this party is gonna be like one of the biggest out of all of the semesters, but... you know... as much as I'd like to say you're a moron,
I know even you would be smart enough not to go to this popularity contest of an event. (sigh) That's why I'm- That's why I'm so fixated on bringing a date.
If I don't, that stupid fucking friend group is gonna make fun of me, and then I'll be back on square one.
Wait... what? Me? That's why you wanted to go as a date? So you wouldn't see me get made fun of? B- but- why? Look, I really appreciate it. A lot, actually.
But the shit that I've done to you... after all of this, why do you still want to help me? Granted bringing you to the party would boost your popularity,
frankly that's the only benefit of this. (pause) So you're saying that's the reason you wanted to be invited? (pause) (scoffs) Well...
Okay. okay fine. I'll bring you to the party. We should match... you know? To- to let people know that we're a couple and not faking it.
Look, first impressions last. I'll take you to the thrift shop near my block, quickly swap clothes to the ones we thrifted, then head to the party.
How does that sound? (pause) (sigh) Thanks, this'll help me a lot.
Maybe, I'll do the talking this time, okay? When I talk to my friends? Just stand there and be your gorgeous self. (pause) Look even if you're like this
studious person, you tend to be... well not really intelligent at talking. Well... to anyone (scoffs) I'm- I'm sorry (laugh) it's true.
It's what even pissed me off about you for real. You're just so bad at talking!
Anyways, how do you even have friends with social skills like that? I- I just don't get it. Maybe it's just your vibe? (scoffs) Man, I don't know what it is.
But- I really do envy that about you. (pause) Yeah, seriously. It's honestly kind of amazing.
It's what I like about you though. (pause) W- what? N- no... wait what did I say? Uh... no, I didn't say that. Okay, whatever you must be imagining things.
Whaaat???? Man, I don't know what it is, but you're crazy.
(nervous laughter) As if I actually like you... (ahem) uhm- we should probably get going. You know we still have to go thrift shopping before we go over there.
Yeah, alright come on, let's go!
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