Raising Children at the Emerald Village

Raising a child is a fascinating journey, raising a child in community adds layers of complexity to that journey.  The purpose of this essay is to outline the specifics around our ways of raising our children at EVO.

There are seven children at EVO and one beautiful being will arrive any day!  The age range is from baby to teenager.  Let us begin by proclaiming that we believe each of our children is a unique being with an individual destiny and has chosen us as parents.  We are overjoyed at the blessing of having our own birth children and raising the children of our closest friends, our chosen family.

Anyone that has raised a child, knows that it is a constant evolution.  We transform as adults through doing our inner work.  At the same time, our children are going through developmental and spiritual growth.  Therefore, we write this in an effort to share our current beliefs and ways and not to be dogmatic.  At the end of the day, there really is no magic recipe for parenting.  This is simply how we, currently, choose to parent.

Nutrition: We expose our children to a variety of fresh foods and vegetables. We provide well-rounded meals with protein, grains, veggies and fruits.  The gardens are plentiful with fresh vegetables and herbs, which the children enjoy picking and eating.  We encourage raw, live foods such as yogurt, kombucha and saurkraut.  We try to avoid processed food.  However, our children do eat packaged foods, such as cereal and granola bars.  The children eat freely in each other’s homes and enjoy snacks and meals provided by the other parents.

We share community meals three times a week.  There is always something available for a child’s palette.  At the same time, they are exposed to a variety of foods, such as Indian, Thai, Vietnamese, Mexican, Italian, etc.   We do not force our children to eat their food, but rather encourage them to try new things.  There are sweet treats for birthdays that the children are able to enjoy after eating their main course.

There is only one child in the community with a restricted diet.  He only receives food from his own parents, in order to avoid giving him something that is not permitted by his nutritionist.  However, in general, we ask that visitors and new community members follow the protocol of asking the parents before giving any of the children food.

There is a lot of communication around food and nutrition.  It is a high value in our community.  Meals are often times of great celebration, connection and pleasure.  As a result, our children LOVE to eat!

Health:  We believe that health of the body is the natural state.  Therefore, when our children are sick we aim to restore balance and harmony in the body.  We approach this in various ways through - osteopathy, acupuncture, herbs, medicinal foods, rest, hydration, etc.

We also utilize Western medicine, as necessary.  We see doctors and give our children pharmaceutical medicine.  Some of our children have been vaccinated.  Although we differ slightly in our beliefs around treatment and prevention, we respect each other’s differences.

Touch:  We believe in the importance of human connection through touch.  The children observe us touching each other in caring ways through massage, holding hands, walking arm in arm, etc.  We hold and sleep with our babies and we snuggle and hug our toddlers.  You will often see our teens massaging their parents’ backs or sitting on a lap of a community member.

We value rough play between the adults and children.  The four and five year old boys will often engage the big guys to play rough.  Further, we teach them rules about playing with each other.  Our children are like baby bears, constantly tousling and bumping into each other.  Rather than making this wrong, we encourage safety through setting boundaries and teaching them to use their words when it goes too far for them.

Play & Imagination: Play is an integral part of our community.  As adults, we love to play and the children observe us in the present state of play often.  We believe that children learn through play.  Play takes place between the children and the adults in games.  Most often, however, the play takes place between the children.  They will spend hours engaged in play, flowing from one imagination to the next.  They play in all of our homes and outside on our beautiful property.  Their play and independence is constantly evolving as they go through different stages of development.  However, we feel it is imperative for them to have long periods of play without the interference of adults.  There is magic that happens and massive learning takes place when they are playing with each other without adults directly supervising.  They learn how to help each other, work out their differences, and are able to truly be in an imaginative state.  Of course, we are close by should one of them need help.

Responsibility & Independence:  We teach our children responsibility for self, others, the earth and all of the creatures.  Our children work alongside of us to clean up our land, clean our goat pen and take care of our animals, in the gardens, on building projects, setting up for parties or dinners.  Within our homes, our children have chores, as developmentally appropriate.  For example, our three year old feeds the dog daily and our five year olds make their beds, set the table and clean up their toys.

             Our teenagers are expected to be independent in getting themselves up and to school on time, to have their homework complete, to get good grades, to participate in extracurricular activities, and to help in the home and community.  

Media:  Although each household varies slightly on their rules around media, all of us limit the amount of media and preview the content of the media that the children are exposed to.  They watch some “television” shows through apple TV or Netflix.  Therefore, they do not see commercials. They play some video games.  The teens use social media on their individual phones and computers.  Overall, it makes up a very small part of all of their lives, due to the nature of our active, outdoor and communal lifestyle.  However, we view it as a valuable tool and they observe our use of media on our individual computers and phones, and a projection screen in the communal area.  As parents, we do ask that others coming into our community ask us before showing our children something through media or allowing them to play with their phones.

Physical Activity: We value physical activity and each member of our community has their own physical practice.  The children are often outdoors, running barefoot in the grass.  Some of the children play sports.  You will often see one of the parents playing catch or doing yoga with the children.  With the younger children, we encourage cooperative physical activity rather than competitive.

Language:  The ability to communicate through speaking, reading and writing is of great importance to us.  Our children will often observe us reading or engaged in writing.  We speak to our children directly and with adult vocabulary.  We read to our children daily and tell them stories often.

Discipline: I read something like this recently in a parenting article and it really helped me frame my thought process around being a parent:

Imagine that you just landed on another planet.  You don’t understand the language, you don’t know the laws of the land, everything is quite confusing and foreign.  Then a leader comes to show you the way.  Would you want that leader to be unsure, insecure, almost looking to you to lead the way?  Would you want that leader to be controlling, strict, and force you to follow through demands or violence?  Or, would you want that leader to be clear, direct, gentle, firm, understanding and compassionate?  

             At the Emerald Village, we aim for Compassionate Parenting, rather than Permissive or Authoritative Parenting.  We share a common belief that our children want to do what is “right” and need our loving guidance to make appropriate choices.  Although each family addresses consequences slightly differently, we do not hit or shame our children.  Our main consequence is removal from the situation.  The children are asked to spend some time away from the others.

Further, we trust that other members of the community will parent our children with respect and love.  As parents, we allow the adults in the community to teach and discipline as they see fit.  If there is a disagreement about how something is handled by another parent or adult, we aim to address that when the children are not present.  We believe it is very important for the children to see us as a unified front and believe that it makes children feel secure when adults are in harmony.  Therefore, we do our best to model non-violent communication and/or bring up any differences in counsel meetings.  Further, we value that every member of the community has something unique to offer to the children and that the children learn from a variety of styles.  We encourage our children to listen and respect the adults, as they would their own parents.        

Nature:  We want our children to be as close to nature as possible.  Therefore, we take them on hikes, take them camping, take them to the beach, and spend time gardening with them.   We teach them about caring for the earth, growing plants, caring for animals.  We have many dogs, chickens and goats, that the children get to enjoy and care for.  They love to play outside and our land has many features that attract children of all ages.  We have created some cozy outdoor spaces for our younger ones where they have climbing trees and outdoor swings to enjoy.  Like most children, our kids love sand, mud and water and take the first opportunity they get to get dirty.  We encourage that and know that a good day in nature ends in a warm tub!

Rhythm:  We believe in the importance of rhythm for a growing child.  Therefore, we have predictable rhythms within our days, weeks, months and year.  Our children know that within one day there is a time for school, a time for rest, a time for play, a time for care of the land, a time for care of self, meal time, and bed time.  Within a week, the children can expect time with family, scheduled time with community, “muck” days, perhaps and outing to the beach, museum, the library.  Within the month, the children experience planned community work days, sweat lodges, community meetings.  Within the year, the children experience the changing seasons through time changes and the landscape around them shifting.  The nature of their lives is affected by this –allowing for meals and play-time outside late into the evenings in the spring and summer and quieter, cozier times inside around the fires in the fall and winter.

Music:  Music a part of every day for the children of the Emerald Village.  We sing to them, we play instruments with them, we listen to music and dance with them.  Both of our teens are learning the guitar and love to sing.  Many of our adult members drum, play the piano, and/or play the guitar.

Spirituality:  Spirituality is the foundation of our intentional community.  We have various religious backgrounds, yet one core belief in a higher power.  Therefore, we teach our children the importance of gratitude, acceptance, love and kindness.  We begin our meals with a blessing, thanking the earth and the hands that have brought the food to our table.  We have a sweat lodge and have had children’s sweats in honor of their birthdays.  The children often see us in prayer or in spiritual practice such as yoga and meditation.

Ceremony:  Rituals, ceremonies and rites of passage are a great part of our practice at the Emerald Village.  The children experience us welcoming new life through blessing ways, celebrating birthdays with honoring the birthday person in various ceremonial ways, having wedding ceremonies on the land and honoring death as a part of life.  Our teenage girl is invited to our Women’s circles and our teenage boy participates in sweat lodge.  The children are invited to play a role in ceremony, as appropriate.

Their birthdays are celebrated as a community.  At times, this is done ceremonially.  For example, two of the children have parts of their placenta buried on the land, which was part of a birthday celebration for each of them.  We take time to individually honor the child and share with the child why we are happy that they are a part of our lives and how we love them so!

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