Samuel L. Jackson :Presidential Advisor

At a press conference, Obama stands behind the podium.

Obama: Now, I know how hard the last few years have been on American families.  We have been working ardently to undo the decisions made by a previous administration.  This economic climate is not going to be fixed overnight.  It's going to take a lot of effort by both parties in the House and also in Congress.  I never said it was going to be easy.  And I never said it was going to be fast.  This is going to get better.  But it's going to take time.

Samuel L. Jackson enters dressed in combat boots, a leather jacket, - basically like he is walking out of Snakes on a Plane.

  Obama:  Now to answer a few more questions, my friend and newly appointed chief Presidential advisor, Mr. Samuel L. Jackson.

SLJ: Thank you, Mr. President.  Now, before I take your questions, let me make something perfectly clear.  I am not here to answer any of your pathetic, loaded questions.  I am here so you can record what I am about to say.  Are you listening?  EXCUSE ME, SIR IN THE BACK!  SIT DOWN.  DO NOT...DO NOT RAISE YOUR HAND.  THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

Okay first, regarding the election of 2012.  HOLY GOD.  IF I HEAR ONE MORE CRAZY MOTHERFUCKER RANT AND RAVE ABOUT GOD'S PLAN FOR ECONOMIC SPENDING I WILL PERSONALLY COME TO THEIR HOUSE AND PUT MY FOOT RIGHT UP THEIR ASS.  Your recovery WILL take longer to heal than the housing market.  If all of you crazy folks would kindly round yourselves up into your own spiteful, self-indulgent little wack-ass country and consume yourselves to death, the rest of us can go on with our lives.

DO NOT RAISE YOUR HAND.  SIT DOWN.  THANK YOU.

Obama: Samuel, I...

SLJ: With all do respect sir, I am not finished.

NOW.  This one is for esteemed members of Congress.  You may be familiar that the country you live in is engaged in a long standing relationship with the two party system.  DO NOT CONTINUE TO  MUSS THIS UP.  THERE ARE TOO MANY MOTHERFUCKING PROBLEMS IN THIS MOTHERFUCKING COMPLICATED ASS NATION TO BE ACTING LIKE A BUNCH OF SNOTNOSED PRESCHOOLERS WHO AREN'T ALLOWED A 2nd SERVING OF ICE CREAM AT SNACK TIME.  Enough is enough!  Playtime is over!  Do your damned job, or I will see to it that you feel the consequences of your actions in the form of a personal conference with ME.

IN THE BACK.  IF I COME BACK THERE, YOU WILL NOT LIVE TO WALK OUT OF HERE! SIT DOWN!

Now, for the remainder of this administration I will be so close to all of you that you will feel me breathing down your neck.  If I so much as think that you are THINKING about pulling the kinds of funny little games I've seen in the past several month, I will make you cry in public and apologize to your mothers for being put on this earth to waste our precious time and energy.  NOW COME ON.  There's a country that needs running.  Sir?

Obama, stunned, looks into the camera.  And smiles.