Arrested Development

EP. #4XXX01 - "Three's Company"

Based on Arrested Development

Created by Mitchell Hurwitz

“THREE’S COMPANY”

ACT ONE

FADE IN:

1 INT. FOX 6 NEWSROOM - DAY 1

An anchorman sits behind a graphic reading “Housing Trouble”.

JOHN BEARD

A major development at the Bluth

Company, as new management vows to

revive the troubled Bluth Empire. Did

the Bluths give in and sell out? The

answer... after this:

2 EXT. SAN DIEGO APARTMENT BUILDING - MORNING (DAY ONE) 2

Chyron: “San Diego, California. Two days earlier.” MICHAEL leads GEORGE-MICHAEL, blindfolded, to the red-bowed stair-car.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

This is Michael Bluth. He and his son

have left the family buisness and are

on their own for the first time; free

at last.

MICHAEL

Alright, George-Michael, have a look.

GEORGE-MICHAEL

(TAKES OFF BLINDFOLD)

You’re giving me the stair-car?

MICHAEL

It’s all yours, buddy. Just know

you’re gonna get hop-ons.

GEORGE-MICHAEL

Dad. I don’t know what to say.

MICHAEL

The look on your face is thanks

enough.

Michael pulls his son in for an awkward hug.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Yes. Michael Bluth was finally free...

3 INT. SAN DIEGO APARTMENT - MOMENTS LATER 3

Michael and son enter and turn on the answering machine.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

...unfortunately, some things just

aren't meant to last.

LUCILLE (VOICE MAIL)

(DISTRESSED)

Michael, it’s your mother. I’m not

sure how to tell you this but... It’s

your father. He’s dying.

Michael looks over, shocked, at George-Michael.

ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT LOGO

5 EXT. BALBOA TOWERS APARTMENT COMPLEX - EVENING 5

The stair-car, red bow still attached, pulls up.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Hours later, Michael and his son

arrived at his mother’s apartment.

6 INT. LUCILLE’S PENTHOUSE APARTMENT - EVENING 6

Michael rushes in to find LUCILLE in the kitchen.

MICHAEL

Where is he?

LUCILLE

(INNOCENT)

Who?

MICHAEL

Dad!

LUCILLE

Oh, he’s in the bedroom, watching his

show.

Cut to: GEORGE SR. in the bedroom watching an episode of “Mr. Banana Grabber” and laughing hysterically.

MICHAEL

You told me he was dying!

LUCILLE

Oh, he is, Michael. His life’s work

is dying.

MICHAEL

George-Michael, wait outside.

George-Michael leaves and closes the door.

MICHAEL (CONT'D)

I can’t believe you. I told you I’m

done with this company. I’m out.

LUCILLE

Michael, I need your help or there

won’t be any company. Sitwell’s

trying to buy us out.

MICHAEL

Isn’t that what you wanted?

LUCILLE

Oh, it was, Michael, but let’s just

say... we had a falling out.

(LAUGHS)

7 I/E. QUEEN MARY OCEAN LINER - DAY - (FLASHBACK) 7

Lucille is on the BRIDGE with the Captain.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

During her great escape from the

S.E.C., Lucille went to great lengths

to ensure her getaway.

LUCILLE

Can’t this thing go any faster?

CAPTAIN

The extra weight is slowing us down.

8 EXT. QUEEN MARY OCEAN LINER - MOMENTS LATER 8

On the deck, two Hot Cops have STAN SITWELL by the arms.

SITWELL

Don’t you do this to me, Lucille!

Don’t you do this!

LUCILLE

It’s just business.

Sitwell is tossed over the edge and Lucille laughs.

6 INT. LUCILLE’S PENTHOUSE APARTMENT - CONT’D 6

Lucille’s present laughter dies down.

MICHAEL

So you didn’t have a falling out, you

had him thrown overboard. Is that it?

LUCILLE

Oh, what’s the difference, Michael?

It’s a bad offer now, and with Buster

off getting his new hand, the board’s

eager to sell quick.

MICHAEL

You put Buster in charge?

LUCILLE

What else was I supposed to do? My

own son abandoned the family to go off

god-knows-where. The family needs

you, Michael. I need you.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Michael could tell that his mother was

desperate.

MICHAEL

(RELUCTANT)

...What do you want?

LUCILLE

An old friend of your father owns some

cat company and I’ve gotten them to

put up an offer to try and outbid

Sitwell.

MICHAEL

Cat company?

9 INT. IRAQI CONVENIENCE STORE - DAY - (FLASHBACK) 9

An Iraqi store owner un-boxes a new product: a scary square device with a picture of a cat shoddily painted on it.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Iraqi business “M.M.I.” famously

marketed a product that failed to

connect with the public.

OWNER (SUBTITLE)

(READING THE ARABIC LABEL)

Cat poisoner?

6 INT. LUCILLE’S PENTHOUSE APARTMENT - CONT’D 6

LUCILLE

I want you to tell them M.M.I. would

be the best choice for the company.

MICHAEL

So you want me to lie to the board?

LUCILLE

Lie is such a harsh word.

10 INT. APARTMENT COMPLEX HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS 10

MAEBY pulls George-Michael into the apartment across the way. *

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Meanwhile across the hall.

11 INT. LINDSAY AND TOBIAS’S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS 11

MAEBY

I can’t believe you’re back!

GEORGE-MICHAEL

Maeby!

MAEBY

I’ve been going crazy without you

here.

GEORGE-MICHAEL

What? You have?

MAEBY

Yeah. Mort wants a proposal by Friday

and all I’ve got to show for it is a

too-dense plot and no marketing hook.

George-Michael looks confused.

12 INT. TANTAMOUNT MOVIE STUDIO OFFICE - DAY - (FLASHBACK) 12

[EXCERPTED FROM “DEVELOPMENT ARRESTED”]

A famous Hollywood icon meets with Maeby and Mort.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

In her formerly-secret life as a movie

producer, Maeby was assigned to

develop a film based on the story of

the Bluth Company.

13 INT. TANTAMOUNT MOVIE STUDIO OFFICE - LATER - (FLASHBACK) 13

Maeby works at her desk while her assistant stands nearby.

MAEBY

Is ‘embezzle’ with an ‘A’ or an ‘I’?

ASSISTANT

Uh... I think it’s ‘E’s.

(SOUNDS LIKE ’ease’)

MAEBY

Apparently not for you. Ugh! It’s

like I’m working with a child.

11 INT. LINDSAY AND TOBIAS’S APARTMENT - CONT’D 11

MAEBY

I’ve been looking for something juicy

and incriminating to get a greenlight.

GEORGE-MICHAEL

On the family?

MAEBY

I tore through the model home, but

someone’s moved all of Pop-Pop’s

files.

MICHAEL (O.S.)

(ENTERS)

George-Michael?

GEORGE-MICHAEL

(STEPS BACK FROM MAEBY)

Dad!

MICHAEL

Listen, buddy, it turns out we’re

gonna be staying for a couple of days.

Just while I help out your Gangy with

the company.

GEORGE-MICHAEL

I thought she wasn’t allowed to do

anything with the business before the

trial?

MICHAEL

What? No-- No, she’s not working with

the company. She asked me to... I

offered to help straighten some things

out. You know what I always say,

family first.

GEORGE-MICHAEL

But you said the family had screwed us

over too many times and that the only

family that mattered anymore was you

and me.

Michael straightens up and glances over at Maeby.

MICHAEL

(UNCOMFORTABLE)

Yup...

TOBIAS (O.S.)

Well, if it isn’t Michael Bluth!

TOBIAS enters in a bathrobe.

MICHAEL

(RELIEVED)

Tobias!

Tobias gathers Michael into an awkward hug.

TOBIAS

How are you?

Michael pulls away and Tobias sighs happily.

MICHAEL

Somebody’s happy to see me.

TOBIAS

Oh, my mannish exterior may appear

that way, but inside I’m like a fairy

who’s lost her wings.

MICHAEL

Don’t say that.

TOBIAS

No, it’s true, Michael. Lindsay’s

left me for another man.

MICHAEL

(CONCERNED)

It’s not me, is it?

TOBIAS

What? No. You’re not her type.

MICHAEL

Gob?

TOBIAS

Michael, you sick *fuck*. That’s my

wife you’re talking about!

MAEBY

Soon to be ex-wife.

TOBIAS

(UNCHARACTERISTIC ANGER)

Go to your room!

MICHAEL

Whoa, whoa. Calm down, Tobias.

TOBIAS

You’re right, Michael. I’m sorry.

It’s just, how can I compete with a

real man?

MICHAEL

You mean ‘another’ man.

TOBIAS

No. She’s too busy to even notice me

anymore.

14 EXT. STEPS OF CITY HALL - DAY - (FLASHBACK) 14

Protesters stand by a banner reading “Save Darfur”, holding signs such as “End the Genocide!” and “Stop the Slaughter!”  LINDSAY, wearing a large fur jacket, is being interviewed.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

After discovering that she was

actually forty, Lindsay decided to

return to her activist roots.

CAMERAMAN

...it’s ‘Dar’fur not ‘our fur’

LINDSAY

I thought they just spelled it like

pirates?

Tobias approaches from behind in his pirate costume from the Pilot episode, but turns back, disappointed.

15 EXT. ROAD OUTSIDE “BEARD’S HONEY FARM” - DAY - (FLASHBACK) 15

Protesters hold signs like “Boulevards Bother Bees,” “We Want Our Honey,” and “No Balboa without B’s.” Lindsay, wearing an “S.O.B.s” tanktop, stands in the road with a jackhammer.

LINDSAY

(SHOUTS)

For the bees!

TOBIAS (O.C.)

Beads?

She starts the jackhammer as two cops move to stop her.

16 EXT. BLUTH COMPANY OFFICE BUILDING - DAY - (FLASHBACK) 16

Activists have gathered to protest the potential deal with M.M.I. Signs present include: “Cats are People Too,” “M.M. Why?,” “No War For Oil,” and “Bluths hate Pussy”.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Her most recent cause had introduced

her to a new man.

Lindsay notices a cute guy with the sign “Cat Death IS Murder” standing next to her and begins to flirt with him.

LINDSAY

So how about cats?

MAN

(MONOTONE)

I love cats.

LINDSAY

Get out! Me too! Oh, what am I

thinking? I’m Lindsay Bluth.

TOBIAS (O.S.)

Fünke.

MAN

(HESITANT)

Scott. And I know who you are.

LINDSAY

You noticed me?

Pan over to Tobias, who has brought flowers, and is crushed at the sight of the two seemingly flirting.

11 INT. LINDSAY AND TOBIAS’S APARTMENT - CONT’D 11

TOBIAS

I’m all alone while they’re out

protecting the cats.

MICHAEL

No. They’re protesting. And it’s a

company, M.M.I. They’re here to buy

out the Bluth Company.

GEORGE-MICHAEL

Someone’s buying the Bluth

Company?

TOBIAS

(INTRIGUED)

Mime Company?

Tobias walks off in his own thoughts.

MICHAEL (CONT'D)

(TO GEORGE-MICHAEL)

That’s why I need to stay for a few

days. To make sure things works out.

TOBIAS

(TO HIMSELF)

You’re a genius!

17 INT. MODEL HOME - NIGHT 17

Michael and his son enter the house to find it a mess. It’s clear someone has been carelessly moving things around.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Later that night, Michael and his son

returned to the model home for the

first time.

MICHAEL

(TO GEORGE-MICHAEL)

Hold on a sec. It looks like some

vagrants have been living here.

GOB (O.S.)

Oh, that’s my girlfriend’s.

GOB appears, disheveled, from within the kitchen.

MICHAEL

I should have known.

GOB

Michael. Nephew. I was wondering

when you’d come back. Your banana’s

been sitting on that table for days.

I think it’s gone bad.

MICHAEL

That’s plastic-- And we’ve been gone

for three months.

GOB

More like three years! Am I right?

Am I right? Yeah, yeah...

GEORGE-MICHAEL

(SOFTLY)

Yeah.

MICHAEL

What the hell are you doing here, Gob?

GOB

I’ve been disgraced by the family,

Michael. Where would you have me go,

huh? The moon? Out on the street

like an animal?

MICHAEL

What happened?

GOB

Mother hates me.

MICHAEL

Why? Did she say that?

GOB

Yes.

18 EXT. QUEEN MARY OCEAN LINER - DAY - (FLASHBACK) 18

Two Hot Cops have Gob by the arms, dragging him overboard.

GOB

Come on!

17 INT. MODEL HOME - CONT’D 17

Gob goes in to hug his brother, tears streaming down his face.

MICHAEL

(UNCOMFORTABLE)

Alright, alright. There, there.

That’s enough.

GOB

(SOBBING)

She hates me, Mikey. She really hates

me.

MICHAEL

Don’t say that.

Gob abruptly pulls back from the embrace.

GOB

Well, I hate her worse! I will have

my revenge.

MICHAEL

Let’s not--

GOB

I’ve got my plan all figured out. A

magic trick.

MICHAEL

A magic trick?

GOB

I don’t think so.

MICHAEL

What?

GOB

I’m gonna put on a magic trick.

MICHAEL

For...?

GOB

To get revenge on mother, silly.

MICHAEL

A magic trick?

GOB

(CONDESCENDING)

Somebody's slow.

MICHAEL

Yep.

GOB

I’ve been trying to get these sleeves

to work all week, but...

Gob flings his arm in a dramatic motion and lighter-fluid flies out and knocks over a glass shelf by the stairs.

MICHAEL

Whoa there. Why don’t we just start

with the basics?

GOB

These are the basics.

Michael sighs, exasperated.

19 INT. BLUTH COMPANY OFFICE - DAY 19

The office is a mess, with desks unorganized, employees acting unprofessionally, and seemingly no work getting done.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

The next day Michael arrived at the

office to discover things had gotten

out of hand in his absence. So he

decided to motivate the staff.

20 INT. BLUTH COMPANY OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER 20

Employees stand in front of Michael as he speaks to them.

MICHAEL

...Now I know we can get things back

on track, it’s just going to take all

of us working hard as a team to get it

done.

EMPLOYEE #1 (TOM)

When’s nap-time?

MICHAEL

Now you see, there, that’s what I’m

talking about. There won’t be any naptime.

This causes outrage from the group.

EMPLOYEE #2 (TED)

What is this? Nazi Germany?

21 INT. MICHAEL’S OFFICE - LATER 21

Michael is sitting at his desk. Lindsay strolls into the

office holding a glass in her hand.

LINDSAY (O.S.)

Well, look who’s come back for

seconds.

MICHAEL

Lindsay! What are you doing here?

LINDSAY

Don’t worry, Michael, I’ve moved on.

If you haven’t heard, I have a new

man.

MICHAEL

I’ve heard.

LINDSAY

We’re soulmates, Michael. We agree on

everything.

16 EXT. BLUTH COMPANY OFFICE BUILDING - DAY - (FLASHBACK) 16

Protesters are outside of the Bluth Company.

SCOTT

(MONOTONE)

I love cats.

LINDSAY

Get out!

21 INT. MICHAEL’S FORMER OFFICE - CONT’D 21

MICHAEL

Aren’t you supposed to be out

protesting the company?

LINDSAY

Oh, I would be, but there’s only so

much sun a woman can take.

MICHAEL

You’re starting to sound like Mom.

LINDSAY

I’m nothing like Mom. She hates cats.

And she’s not even my real mother.

Lindsay sips at her vodka and Michael looks at her pointedly.

MICHAEL

It’s nine-thirty.

LINDSAY

Well, can you blame me? I’m forty.

I’m an old woman. That’s why I’ve

decided to have a child before my womb

dries up.

MICHAEL

That’s an image.

(PAUSES)

And you mean another child.

Lindsay looks confused.

MICHAEL (CONT'D)

Wait for it.

LINDSAY

Maeby!

MICHAEL

There it is.

LINDSAY

That doesn’t count.

MICHAEL

Oh, no? Do you even know where she is

right now?

Michael sees Maeby walk by in the background and duck behind the front desk.

LINDSAY

Oh, of course I do. What kind of

mother do you think I am? She’s at

school.

MICHAEL

It’s summer.

LINDSAY

Summer school?

MICHAEL

Nice try.

LINDSAY

What can I say? I’m old. My memory’s

not what it used to be.

MICHAEL

All the more reason to stick with the

one.

Michael sees George-Michael come out of the elevator.

22 INT. BLUTH COMPANY OFFICE - FRONT DESK 22

George-Michael is surprised to see his cousin at the desk.

GEORGE-MICHAEL

Maeby? What are you doing here? Did

my dad hire you?

MAEBY

What? No. I’m seeing if Kitty hid

anything back here.

(AS A SIDE NOTE)

Even with an assistant, I have to do

everything myself.

GEORGE-MICHAEL

Assistant?

MAEBY

Yeah. I think he’s in love with me.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

He wasn’t, but George-Michael was

intimidated.

MAEBY

The only place I haven't searched yet

is Pop-Pop's, but maybe you can come

along and help me get past Gangy.

GEORGE-MICHAEL

My dad wouldn’t want--

MAEBY

Come on, George Michael, it’ll be just

like old times. We’ll do Pop-Pop

tomorrow, ‘kay?

Maeby leaves upon seeing Michael approaching, who has overheard the last part of their conversation.

MICHAEL

Hey, buddy. What are you doing here?

GEORGE-MICHAEL

You told me to do something fun today.

MICHAEL

With Maeby?

GEORGE-MICHAEL

What? No, we weren’t doing anything!

MICHAEL

(SUSPICIOUS)

Nothing?

GEORGE-MICHAEL

We were just talking. We didn’t do

anything else, I swear.

MICHAEL

And where’d she run off to?

GEORGE-MICHAEL

I don’t know. To see her new

boyfriend or something?

MICHAEL

(RELIEVED)

New boyfriend? Good for her!

GEORGE-MICHAEL

(INSINCERE)

Yeah.

MICHAEL

Good for her.

23 INT. BLUTH COMPANY BOARDROOM - LATER 23

Michael sits down in front of the company board.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

And Michael finally met with the

board.

MICHAEL

(TRYING TO LIGHTEN THE MOOD)

Well, let’s get this party started.

The serious board members look at Michael, unamused.

MICHAEL (CONT'D)

(UNCOMFORTABLE)

....yup.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT ONE

ACT TWO

FADE IN:

24 INT. BLUTH COMPANY CAR - 5 PM (DAY TWO) 24

Michael is driving his father’s old car.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Michael was on his way to his mother’s

apartment.

Michael’s cell phone rings and he picks it up.

MICHAEL

Michael Bluth.

GOB (O.S.)

Where do you keep the extra lighter

fluid?

MICHAEL

We don’t have extra lighter fluid. And

Gob, don’t burn the house down.

GOB (O.S.)

Who do you think you’re talking to--

Oops! Well, that’s nothing you can’t

replace.

MICHAEL

Gob, why don’t you get someone to help

you on this?

The car hits a bump as it drives by “Beard’s Honey Farm.” (the site of Lindsey's jackhammer incident)

GOB (O.S.)

An apprentice!

MICHAEL

Sure.

GOB (O.S.)

A sexy apprentice.

MICHAEL

Going with a woman, are you?

GOB (O.S.)

Why, you think I should? But where

can I find someone to play a woman?

MICHAEL

Uh-oh.

25 INT. LINDSAY AND TOBIAS’S APARTMENT 25

Gob bursts in and finds Tobias dabbing his face with some of Lindsay’s white makeup.

TOBIAS

(STARTLED)

This isn’t what it looks like!

GOB

It looks like a woman.

TOBIAS

How did you--

GOB

I need you to play a woman in my act.

TOBIAS

What? Oh. Yes. Of course. What else

could you have-- Ahh.

(BREATHES)

Yes, unfortunately I’m no longer a

actor, but have taken up the

profession of mime.

GOB

Mime?

TOBIAS

Yes, mime. I need to impress Lindsay

and I’ve heard from a very reliable

source that she loves mimes.

GOB

And hates Mother.

TOBIAS

Yes! How did you...?

GOB

Apparently we have something in

common.

TOBIAS

(THINKING)

Well... I guess I could be a lady

mime.

GOB

A sexy mime.

TOBIAS

I’ll do it!

GOB goes in to hug Tobias in a show of affection.

TOBIAS (CONT'D)

Huzzah!

The camera pans away as Gob starts to cry.

26 INT. LUCILLE’S PENTHOUSE APARTMENT 26

Michael has just arrived and is talking with his mother.

NARRATOR

Hey, let’s see what’s happening over

here!

MICHAEL

A meeting’s been set up for tomorrow

for Sitwell and M.M.I. to present

their proposals and then the board

will decide who to choose. Hopefully

I can convince them to not sell at

all, but I’m not sure they’ll listen.

LUCILLE

...Good, good.

MICHAEL

Mom, I’ve got this under control. I

don’t want you do anything to mess

this up.

LUCILLE

I want you to get me into that

meeting.

MICHAEL

Did you even hear what I said? And

you’re under house-arrest.

Michael motions towards her ankle-monitor.

LUCILLE

Get Gob to break it.

MICHAEL

Gob? You mean the son you threw off

the boat?

LUCILLE

(AMUSED)

Oh, yes, that’s right. I forgot.

MICHAEL

You know he’s really pissed at you.

He’s planning to get revenge.

LUCILLE

With what? A magic trick?

MICHAEL

The reason I’m here is I need you to

give me the S-1 filing papers for

tomorrow.

LUCILLE

Why don’t you ask Buster? He’s the

one in charge.

MICHAEL

I’m asking you. Don’t play games with

me. I need those documents.

LUCILLE

I’ll tell you what. Let’s say I know

where they are. You get me in that

meeting and I’ll tell you where they

are.

Michael ponders the proposal.

MICHAEL

I can get you on the phone so you can

listen, but that’s it. That’s the

most I can do.

LUCILLE

That’s all I ask.

Lucille reaches between her cleavage, and pulls out a couple of rolled up papers and hands them towards Michael.

MICHAEL

Unbelievable.

LUCILLE

What? I had to put them...

(RAISING HER VOICE)

....where no one would find them!

George Sr. is heard laughing at his TV show in the background.  Michael reluctantly takes the papers from his mother.

27 INT. MODEL HOME - MORNING (DAY THREE) 27

Michael sits at the kitchen counter, perusing a pile of documents.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

The next morning, Michael was busy

preparing for that afternoon’s

meeting.

George-Michael rushes down the stairs and moves towards the front door.

MICHAEL

Hey, where are you off to in such a

hurry?

GEORGE-MICHAEL

What? Oh, umm... Skeetball.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

He wasn’t.

MICHAEL

(Unconvinced)

Well, have fun.

GEORGE-MICHAEL

I will.

George-Michael turns and goes out the door. Gob comes in carrying a box that sounds like it’s filled with broken glass.

GOB

Where’s he off to?

MICHAEL

I don’t know. I’m worried about him

and Maeby.

GOB

Why? Are they still *fucking*?

MICHAEL

(ALARMED)

What?

GOB

Oh, yeah. I caught them in the act

once.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

He hadn’t.

INT. MODEL HOME - DAY - (FLASHBACK)

[EXCERPT FROM “THE RIGHTEOUS BROTHERS”]

Gob sees George-Michael accidentally trip on top of Maeby and then kiss her.

NARRATOR (V.O.) (CON’T)

But he had stumbled across the two

cousins in a compromising position.

GOB

Dad’s gonna be crushed.

27 INT. MODEL HOME - CONT’D 27

GOB

Fucking!

MICHAEL

(DISTRESSED)

I knew he liked her, but I had no idea

it’d gone that far.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

It hadn’t.

Gob starts moving again, causing the glass to make noises.

MICHAEL

Whoa there. What’s that?

GOB

Oh, this? Just some vases I found in

the attic.

MICHAEL

Is this for your magic trick?

GOB

Illusion, Michael. And yes, it’s for

my trick.

MICHAEL

You know, somebody’s gonna get hurt.

And by somebody I mean you.

GOB

Don’t worry about me, Michael, I’ve

got an apprentice.

MICHAEL

Them, then.

GOB

It’s your son you should be worried

about.

MICHAEL

Yeah.

28 INT. LUCILLE’S APARTMENT COMPLEX HALLWAY - DAY 28

George-Michael arrives next to Maeby, who has been standing outside Lucille’s door.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Michael was right to worry.

MAEBY

Just follow my lead.

Maeby knocks on the door. After a moment, Lucille opens the

door, holding a martini and squinting at them.

MAEBY (CONT'D)

Hi Gangy!

29 INT. LUCILLE’S PENTHOUSE APARTMENT - MOMENTS LATER 29

Maeby and George Michael enter while Lucille looks suspicious.

LUCILLE

You know, your grandmother doesn’t get

visitors very often anymore.

MAEBY

Oh, wow, I’ve gotta pee.

Maeby immediately leaves to go “to the bathroom.” George-Michael looks horrified.

GEORGE-MICHAEL

(PANICKED)

Uh... Me too.

Lucille sighs, watching as George-Michael bolts off after Maeby. She takes another sip of her drink.

30 INT. LUCILLE’S BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER 30

George-Michael pops his head in to the room and sees Maeby looking around in Lucille’s dressers.

MAEBY

I told you to distract her!

GEORGE-MICHAEL

What if she calls my dad? Oh, god.

MAEBY

She must have hid the files here.

I’ve looked everywhere else.

GEORGE SR.

Lucille sent all her files to the

storage locker.

George Sr. reveals himself to be sitting in an armchair, watching the TV, having overheard their conversation.

MAEBY

Pop-Pop!

GEORGE-MICHAEL

Pop-Pop!

GEORGE SR. (CONT'D)

For the millionth time, I’m Oscar!

GEORGE-MICHAEL

(TO MAEBY)

I thought the storage locker burnt

down.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

It had.

31 EXT. BALBOA STORAGE - LATER 31

George-Michael and Maeby arrive at the locker. The door looks shoddily put together and doesn’t match with the other units. Maeby pulls from her sholder-bag a pair of bolt-cutters.

NARRATOR (V.O.) (CON’T)

But George Sr., in his infinite

wisdom, decided to rebuild.

Maeby slides the door open, revealing the dozens of marked boxes, fur coat rack, and giant portrait of George Sr. inside. The two enter the unit and begin to look around. George-Michael doesn’t touch anything while Maeby absentmindedly knocks things over, creating a huge mess.

Maeby pulls out a box that has “vodka” written on it, which is surprisingly light. Maeby opens it up and finds a stack of assorted papers. She quickly flips through them.

MAEBY

This is it!

GEORGE-MICHAEL

Come on, Lets go.

MAEBY

We’ve got to make copies!

32 EXT. BLUTH COMPANY OFFICE BUILDING - DAY 32

Lindsay and the M.M.I. protesters are outside the building.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Outside the Bluth Company, Lindsay was

getting ready to confess her feelings.

SCOTT

...then the kitten is dropped into the

boiling liquid until the poison seeps

into the heart and skull. It’s

barbaric.

LINDSAY

You’re making me hot.

SCOTT

What?

LINDSAY

Aw, fuck it. I can’t hide it any

longer. I can’t stop thinking about

you, Sean.

SCOTT

It’s Scott.

LINDSAY

Scott! That’s the perfect name for

our child.

SCOTT

No, that’s my-- Wait, what?

Lindsay suddenly becomes very forward, which startles and possibly frightens Scott.

LINDSAY

I need you. Take me. Right here.

A female protester steps out from the crowd.

WOMAN

(TO LINDSAY)

Excuse me?

LINDSAY

Who are you?

WOMAN

I’m his wife!

The woman steps in between Lindsay and her husband.

WOMAN (CONT'D)

What do you think you’re doing?

LINDSAY

He’s mine!

TOBIAS (O.S.)

Did somebody say ‘mime’?

Tobias pops up in white-face and puts his arm around Lindsay and Scott. Scott shakes free and leaves with his wife while a note seemingly falls from him, unnoticed by Lindsey or Tobias.

TOBIAS (CONT'D)

What did I miss?

LINDSAY

You idiot!

Lindsay turns her back on Tobias, apparently under the impression that he drove her love away. Tobias is confused.

33 INT. BLUTH COMPANY OFFICE - COPY ROOM 33

At the copy machine, Maeby arrives with the “Vodka” box as George-Michael looks around nervously.

MAEBY

We need...

(COUNTS ON TWO HANDS)

...twenty five copies.

Her phone buzzes and she checks it.

MAEBY (CONT'D)

*Fuck*, it’s my assistant. I’ve got to

run.

GEORGE-MICHAEL

Wait, what? I can’t do this!

MAEBY

Sure you can. Just put in the paper

and press the button.

Maeby leaves. George-Michael nervously presses a button on the machine, which causes it to make a loud noise, scaring him.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

While George-Michael struggled with

the task he had been assigned...

34 INT. BLUTH COMPANY BOARDROOM 34

Michael is on the phone, standing in the corner, while the room fills in with board members.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

...his father was in the next room

over, doing the same.

MICHAEL

Can you hear me now?

LUCILLE (ON PHONE) (O.S.)

Much better.

MICHAEL

Alright. I’ll leave this on, but it’s

for listening only.

LUCILLE (O.S.)

Of course, of course. I can’t believe

you treat your own mother this way.

The chairman of the board approaches Michael from the side.

CHAIRMAN

Is that your mother?

He points to the cellphone, which Michael tries to hide.

MICHAEL

What, this? Oh, no. This is... my son.

A female cough can be heard through the phone.

MICHAEL (CONT'D)

(CHANGING THE SUBJECT)

So are we ready to begin?

CHAIRMAN

Just about.

The Chairman turns to his assistant.

CHAIRMAN (CONT'D)

Go get the briefings.

The assistant nods and leaves.

CHAIRMAN (CONT'D)

Alright, let’s get started.

35 INT. BLUTH COMPANY OFFICE - COPY ROOM 35

George-Michael moves the last of the copies to his stack. He clumsily knocks over the box lid and while he is bending over, the chairman’s assistant comes in, grabs the copies and leaves. George-Michael gets up, picks up the nearby stack of board briefings, which he mistakes for Maeby’s files, and puts them in the “Vodka” box and leaves.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT TWO

ACT THREE

FADE IN:

36 INT. BLUTH COMPANY BOARDROOM - DAY 36

The board meeting has started and Michael is speaking.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Michael was delivering his pitch to

the board.

MICHAEL

There will be hard times ahead, I

admit that, but this company has

survived as a family business for over

thirty years. Selling now to the

highest bidder undermines everything

this company has stood for.

CHAIRMAN

We appreciate what you’re trying to

do, Michael. We really do. We’re just

not sure if leaving the company under

your parents’ control-- official or

otherwise-- is the best approach.

The Chairman’s assistant enters, whispers in the chairman’s ear, and begins distributing the stack of copies.

CHAIRMAN (CONT'D)

Apparently we have a third prospective

buyer who has just come forward.

MICHAEL

What?

BOARD MEMBER ONE

Who?

CHAIRMAN

A coffee company.

BOARD MEMBER TWO

Starbucks?

BOARD MEMBER THREE

(LOOKING AT THE FILES)

What are these?

The board members begin looking at the files they’ve been handed by the assistant.

MICHAEL

What’s wrong?

LUCILLE (THROUGH PHONE)

(FAINT)

What’s going on, Michael?

BOARD MEMBER ONE

These documents show Lucille Bluth

running the company fifteen-- twenty

years ago. Letters. Transcripts.

Flight records.

CHAIRMAN

What is this, Michael?

MICHAEL

(STUNNED)

I have no idea.

37 INT. STAIR-CAR - DAY 37

George-Michael is driving in the stair-car with the “Vodka” box in the passenger seat.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Meanwhile, George-Michael was on his

way back to the model home, when he

hit a snag.

Driving by a sign reading “Beard’s Honey Farm”, the car shakes, causing the box of files to tip over and spill out onto the seat and floor.

George-Michael quickly pulls over and leans to pick up the files. He glances at them and sees that they are not the ones he copied. George-Michael, horrified, realizes what happened.

38 INT. BLUTH COMPANY BOARDROOM 38

Stan Sitwell is giving a power-point presentation to the board. Michael is sitting in the back with his phone in hand.

SITWELL

...as you can see, under Sitwell

management, consolidation of operating

expenses would increase efficiency and

expand potential revenue, all while

earnings per share exceed market

forecasts.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Michael was surprisingly impressed by

Sitwell’s proposal.

LUCILLE (THROUGH PHONE)

(FAINT)

Baldy!

It is clear that Lucille has been heard but not responded to.

SITWELL

Look, this is not some ploy for

revenge. I honestly believe a Sitwell-

Bluth alliance would be beneficial to

everyone involved.

Michael’s phone buzzes. It is an incoming call from George-Michael. Michael moves to exit the room.

39 INT. BLUTH COMPANY OFFICE HALLWAY 39

Michael exits the boardroom.

MICHAEL

Sorry, Mom, I have got to go.

LUCILLE (ON PHONE) (O.S.)

You promised--

MICHAEL

To put family first.

LUCILLE (ON PHONE) (O.S.)

Don’t you han--

Michael hangs up on his mother and switches lines.

MICHAEL

George-Michael, what’s going on?

(PAUSE)

I’ll be right there.

Michael sees Gob in his magician suit down the hall.

MICHAEL (CONT'D)

Gob? What are you doing here?

GOB

What does it look like, Michael?

MICHAEL

Oh my god. You’re the third bidder.

GOB

Guilty as charged.

MICHAEL

What are you thinking? That you can

impress the board with a magic trick?

GOB

Why? Has someone already done that?

‘Cause it’s too late to change.

MICHAEL

And where’s Tobias?

Tobias pops out of a nearby door wearing mime makeup and

dressed like his character Mrs. Featherbottom.

TOBIAS

Oh, hello Michael. Or should I say:

(BRITISH ACCENT)

’ello gov’na’

MICHAEL

You shouldn’t.

GOB

So what do you think, Mikey? Do we

have a chance?

MICHAEL

You do realize placing a bid means

putting up actual money?

GOB

Money is an illusion, Michael.

Michael leaves.

40 EXT. BLUTH COMPANY OFFICE BUILDING - MOMENTS LATER 40

Michael exits the building and approaches Lindsay.

MICHAEL

Lindsay, have you seen George-Michael?

LINDSAY

He left me, Michael. Sean left me.

Michael points to a note lying near Lindsay’s feet.

MICHAEL

I guess you’ve seen that though,

right? So you haven't seen him?

Lindsay bends over and picks up the piece of paper.

LINDSAY

What? No.

Michael walks away as Lindsay unfolds the note, which says:

"My Love, I wish at every moment to be with you, but

regret that I must hide my feelings in the presence of my

wife. I hope that soon I can be with you as you carry that

small piece of me which grows inside you. If you share my

desires, please meet with me tonight at the Balboa Inn, .

Room 54, 11pm."

NARRATOR (V.O.)

And that’s when Lindsay found the

proof she needed that she really had

found the man of her dreams.

LINDSAY

He loves me!

41 EXT. BLUTH COMPANY PARKING LOT - MOMENTS LATER 41

Michael spots George-Michael sitting on the steps of the staircar

and goes to join him.

MICHAEL

I guess we have a lot to talk about,

don’t we?

GEORGE-MICHAEL

I screwed up everything, Dad.

MICHAEL

With Maeby, I know. Gob told me.

GEORGE-MICHAEL

He did? How does he know?

MICHAEL

It doesn’t matter. All that matters

is you’re coming to me and that you

know what you did was wrong.

GEORGE-MICHAEL

I know it was. But now I’ve made

things worse and the whole company’s

gonna find out what we did.

MICHAEL

Wait, what? How?

GEORGE-MICHAEL

We made photocopies.

MICHAEL

Oh, no.

GEORGE-MICHAEL

I messed up and they got mixed with

the files from your meeting.

MICHAEL

Hold on. What files?

NARRATOR (V.O.)

And that’s when George-Michael told

his father everything that had

happened. Well... not everything.

Cut to a picture of Pete Rose diving towards second base.

GEORGE-MICHAEL

I’m sorry, Dad. I messed everything

up for you. Stupid, George-Michael!

MICHAEL

Hey, hey. I’m the one who should be

sorry. I never should have brought us

back here.

GEORGE-MICHAEL

No, but I’m glad we came back. I know

it’s hard, but we stick by family.

Even Maeby.

MICHAEL

Wait, so you and Maeby didn’t have...

pop-pop?

GEORGE-MICHAEL

The fact that you still call it that

tells me you don’t think I’m ready.

MICHAEL

Are you?

GEORGE-MICHAEL

Not with Maeby.

MICHAEL

(THINKING HE’S JOKING)

...Hey!

George-Michael laughs uncomfortably. Suddenly a frozen dove falls from the sky and hits Michael in the face.

MICHAEL (CONT'D)

We should get back up there before Gob

sets the building on fire.

Father and son go down the steps and head back towards the front entrance. As they leave, Maeby comes by, not seeing them, and grabs the “Vodka” box through the car window.

42 INT. BLUTH COMPANY BOARDROOM - MOMENTS LATER 42

Michael and his son enter to find a mess. In a flash, hundreds of pennies come raining down onto the board’s table.  The members feverishly reach out to collect as many as they can. Gob turns dramatically and exits out the door, dragging Tobias along with him.

GEORGE-MICHAEL

Is that it?

KITTY (O.S.)

There’s one more left.

Through the door walks KITTY SANCHEZ.

KITTY (CONT'D)

Hello, Michael.

MICHAEL

Kitty! So you’re M.M.I.? And my dad

put you up to this?

43 INT. CABO MODEL HOME - DAY 43

George Sr., surrounded by pictures of him and Kitty, wears a

headset and microphone. Chyron: “Los Cabos, Mexico”

GEORGE SR. (INTO MICROPHONE)

No.

42 INT. BLUTH COMPANY BOARDROOM - CONT’D 42

KITTY

(RELAYING GEORGE SR.)

No.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

He had.

44 INT. IRAQI BUSINESS OFFICE - DAY - (FLASHBACK) 44

George Sr. sits with two business men. George Sr. hands them a folder with “M.M.I.” on it and they talk and shake hands.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

In order to hide his embezzled money,

George Sr. created a second, front

company called Muffin Man

International, which he founded during

his numerous trips to the Middle East.

45 INT. GEORGE SR.’S OFFICE - NIGHT - (FLASHBACK) 45

A younger George Sr. tries to get Kitty to sign a number of documents while she tries to fool around with him.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

The company was established under the

name and account of his mistress and

secretary, Kitty Sanchez, so as to

avoid detection.

9 INT. IRAQI CONVENIENCE STORE - DAY - (FLASHBACK) 9

A Iraqi store owner un-boxes his new product.

NARRATOR (V.O.) (CON’T)

Money from the account was also used

to expand the market of his world

famous Cornballer.

OWNER (SUBTITLE)

Cat poisoner?

46 INT. COMPUTER SCREEN - (FLASHBACK) 46

***On a translator website, the words “Kitty’s Corn Baller” are turned in to the Arabic words “sysh aldrph baalr” and the English equivalent: “Cat Corn Poisoning.”

NARRATOR (V.O.) (CON’T)

Although the product was misunderstood

due to bad translation, it still

managed to find a market.

47 INT. ABU GHRAIB PRISON - NIGHT - (FLASHBACK) 47

A series of photographs show the Cornballer being used as a grease-splattering torture device. The final shot is of WIFE OF GOB pointing at the Cornballer, à la Lynndie England.

42 INT. BLUTH COMPANY BOARDROOM - CONT’D 42

MICHAEL

I can’t believe this. Oh, wait. I can.

KITTY

(TO THE BOARD)

I’m here to convince you to sell the

company to me.

MICHAEL

Even the money you’re using is his.

KITTY

No, it’s not. He put it in my name.

GEORGE SR. (IN EARPIECE)

(FAINT)

You idiot.

MICHAEL

He’s using you, Kitty. My mom put him

up to this.

KITTY

That’s not true, he left her for me!

He said you were here to make sure I

win.

CHAIRMAN

Is that true, Michael?

MICHAEL

(TO THE BOARD)

Yes, it’s true.

(TO KITTY)

But my father didn’t ask me to do it.

My mother did.

Kitty turns around and puts her hand to her earpiece.

KITTY

(TO EARPIECE)

She did what?

GEORGE SR. (EARPEICE)

(FAINT)

Now, I can explain...

KITTY

(YELLING)

I can’t believe you!

48 INT. BLUTH COMPANY OFFICE HALLWAY 48

Gob and Tobias sit outside the room and see Kitty burst out.

GOB

Kitty?

TOBIAS

Her?

42 INT. BLUTH COMPANY BOARDROOM - CONT’D 42

Back in the board meeting, the chairman approaches Michael.

CHAIRMAN

Michael, we need to talk.

MICHAEL

Yes, I know.

CHAIRMAN

Unfortunately, with the knowledge that

your mother is still interfering, we

can no longer simply do nothing. If

this information got out--

MICHAEL

I understand. You have to sell.

CHAIRMAN

No, we don’t. We want to offer the

whole company to you. Consider it a

change in management.

Michael is shocked. He glances down at George-Michael.

GEORGE-MICHAEL

Dad, this is what you’ve always

wanted. Take it.

Michael pauses in thought.

MICHAEL

I’m sorry, but I can’t. There are

some things more important than this

company and I’ve learned I can’t have

both.

49 INT. BLUTH COMPANY BOARDROOM - MOMENTS LATER 49

The three representatives have gathered back in the room, with Gob and Tobias (holding a boom-box) on the left, Kitty in the middle, and Stan Sitwell on the right.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

And so the three corporations gathered

to hear the verdict.

CHAIRMAN

While you all gave... proposals, we

believe that only one of you have the

skills and means necessary to manage

this company, which is why we have

decided accept the offer of... Gobias

Industries.

MICHAEL

Wait, what?

SITWELL

Come on!

Tobias pushes a button on the boom-box he is holding but it

only clicks. Gob hits him.

MICHAEL

(TO THE BOARD)

Hold on. He doesn’t have any real

money!

NARRATOR (V.O.)

He did.

50 INT. MICHAEL’S FORMER OFFICE - MOMENTS EARLIER 50

Kitty is standing in Michael’s former office, upset. Gob comes in.

NARRATOR (CON’T)

During the break, Gob confronted Kitty.

GOB

Well, look who the cat dragged in.

KITTY

Gob! You came for me!

GOB

What?

(FAKE CONFIDENCE)

Yes.

Kitty throws herself on him and begins rubbing her face and frizzled, let-down hair all over him.

GOB (CONT'D)

This is unusual.

KITTY

I heard about your problem.

GOB

It’s just the stress!

KITTY

(LOOKS HIM IN THE EYE)

You make me Queen of the company and

I’ll give you my backing.

GOB

Well, I’ve already promised those

positions to Tobias.

KITTY

Take me!

GEORGE SR. (EARPEICE)

(FAINT)

You sick son of a--

49 INT. BLUTH COMPANY BOARDROOM - CONT’D 49

GOB

(EXCITED)

I fucked her!

MICHAEL

That was quick.

GOB

Oh, it was.

CHAIRMAN

(TO MICHAEL)

Michael, The offer’s still on the

table. If you don’t approve.

Michael looks at George-Michael and then at GOB.

GOB

Brother.

NARRATOR

Michael knew there was only one thing

he could do.

MICHAEL

Give ‘em hell.

Gob immediately points to Tobias, who turns on the boom-box which starts playing “The Final Countdown” by Europe.

GOB

(TO THE BOARD)

You have given me the greatest gift of

all. And so I give you this gift in

return.

Gob makes silver coins fall from the ceiling onto the table.

GOB (CONT'D)

Dimes!

TOBIAS (O.S.)

Diamonds?

GOB

And Michael. Michael, Michael,

Michael. ...Michael.

MICHAEL

Shh... The look on your face is thanks

enough.

Michael walks to the side of the room and lifts his hand, revealing that he had let his mother hear the verdict.

MICHAEL (CONT'D)

(INTO THE PHONE)

Did you get that?

LUCILLE

Michael, what have you done?

MICHAEL

(INTO THE PHONE)

Something I should have done a long

time ago.

FADE OUT.

ON THE NEXT “ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT”

51 INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT 51

Lindsay enters the darkened room. A man is on the bed, lit barely by light seeping in from the bathroom.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Lindsay’s desire to become pregnant is

finally fulfiled.

MAN

(GRUFF WHISPER)

Don’t say a word. Just take me.

LINDSAY

(TO HERSELF)

Finally.

MAN

(TO HIMSELF)

Finally.

As Lindsay jumps into the bed with the man, we pan away to show a pair of nevernude cut-offs strewn over a chair.

TOBIAS

So that’s what it feels like!

52 INT. TANTAMOUNT MOVIE STUDIO OFFICE - DAY 52

Maeby stands in front of many intimidating executives as her assistant passes out the files she believes to be Lucille’s.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Maeby gives a presentation to a board

of her own.

EXECUTIVE ONE

(LOOKING AT THE BRIEFINGS)

These are internal documents!

EXECUTIVE TWO

They’re selling the company?

EXECUTIVE ONE

This is incredible.

MAEBY

Marry me!

53 INT. BLUTH COMPANY OFFICE - DAY 53

The frightened employees stand in front of Gob and Kitty.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Gob motivates the office in a way that

Michael could not.

GOB

...and if anyone does anything with

either of these...

Kitty lifts up her shirt to expose her blurred-out breasts.

GOB (CONT'D)

...I’ll get on my -----, pull out ----

-----, and personally ---- ----- ----

----- --- ------...

Pan to reveal Michael, watching from a distance.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

And Michael, realizing his family

needs him now more than ever, decides

to stay.

MICHAEL

I’ve made a huge mistake.

FADE TO WHITE.

END OF SHOW