Trail #598 of the Columbian (Famously Hot) H3
Thanks to all those Hashers who came out in blistering weather last Sunday to be part of the filming of our Hash movie, "Naughty School Girls: Hot and Steamy With My Panties In A Wad.....I imagine the production company and financial backers will want me to shorten the name before it goes direct to DVD. Anyway, for those that cannot wait for the fall release, here is the basic overview of the film:
"Naughty School Girls: Hot and Steamy With My Panties In A Wad"
The movie opens with an avant garde moment when Peter Short Fellow is called away to join his Navy Poofter buddies on a sailing excursion into the underbelly of Chicago's sex trade..........he sends his Asian housekeeper to drop off the Hash beer for the Trail.......which she does and then quickly departs. The plot continues to evolvle with our main characters......Cumfusion Say....the Asian-American high school math and science teacher who also teaches college prep courses for the smart asses. Lil Easy.......the hot and sexy senior that all the men and boys want (and some have had), but she finds herself strangely attracted to Cumfusion Say and her playful flirting with him are giving him night sweats..........it is only a matter of time before Cumfusion explodes and puts his entire career in jeapordy if he succumbs to Lil Easy's fantasy.
The rest of the high school student bodies and staff complete the cast for this sexy look at high school and girls gone wild (Trail #598).
There is Twatanic......the smooth and handsome golf coach who secretly meets with the cafeteria lady in the meat cooler a couple of times a week.
Mr Blow Jangles.......the girls softball coach who is a raging wife beater by night when he loses a game.
Chips A Ho........the ROTC Instructor...........he loves ordering the girls to perform toe touches while in physical training clothing while he watches from behind.
No Name John.........the high school principal who can't seem to beat his cocaine and gambling addictions.........and just wants to make it two more years until retirement and then do the sex vacation circuit in southeast Asia.
KBF.........the quiet guy living across from the high school who sell pills and marijuana to the students who wander over to his house each day at lunch time........KBF is not suppose to live within a mile of any school according to his probation agreement.
Will Suck It Now (Columbian H3 Newcomer).........the school Head (who said Head?) Nurse..........who spends most of her time treating STDs instead of the occassional student who faints, hyperventilates, or is suffering from the flu or monthly cramps and a bitchy attitude............again today STD is in her office for some advise on STDs.
The Naughty Girl Four Pack...........those hot, sexy, and naughty girls who run in a pack looking for tough love done fast, drugs, alcohol and Fast Times at Ridegmont High.......the public high school across town...........Mama A Trois, Alice in Lick Her Land, Toots McGhee, and No Name Jaimie.
No Name Bobbi........the english teacher by day and exotic dancer by night.........despite her exotic dancing career she is still holding out for Mr Good Bar and as we all know.....no teacher can survive on a teacher's salary, especially when you have champagne taste on a beer budget.
Dr Dragos........a pillar of the community and huge supporter of the school, but also an ex-Romanian double agent brought to the U.S. and put through dental school.........and who takes care of most of the naughty girls dental issues........retainers, braces, cleaning, whitening, etc. and who has a knack for adjusting his dental chair after clinic hours to provide additional free services to the Naughty School Girls. And, oh yeah.........his double agent wife.......Miss Lindy........born in Taiwan, but who lived in China and was also brought to the U.S......there always has to be a bit of international intrigue in a movie of this magnitude.
No Name Aaron.......the-bad-boy-wanna-be who drives a hot rod Prius while wearing his signature cranium sweat band he bought with money from mowing lawns. He is obsessed with Toots McGhee and vows to get her away from the other Naughty Girls and help her get her panties out of a wad.
No Name Goldie......the girls soccer coach with many secrets of her own, including her art work on her back which is a historical record of her time in a Mexico prison as a young, crazy college student on a summer vacation gone very, very bad.
Delivery Boy.......the history teacher who mysteriously vanishes from school from time to time to visit sick relatives in Bulgaria (Note: Reference Dr Dragos and Miss Lindy).
Abusement Park........the tall, lanky prodigy with the highest IQ but whose girlish grin and lack of coordination causes everyone to assume she is stupid! Abusement Park is not present for filming as she went to Vegas (Baby!) for the weekend............and also missing is Park It In The Rear........an ex-con with good business sense who has moved his Las Vegas operation to Columbia to be closer to his Naughty School Girl daughter. And, there were other bit-part actors who are memers of the Hash Actor's Guild but refused to show up for filming or are still negotiating their contract.
And, Finger Me.......the lonely School Superintendent who was born with the mind of a women in a man's body........the Drag Queen who cross dresses at home into one of his 100 Catholic School Girl skirts.......while fantasizing about you know who...........yep.....Lil Easy..........and oh yes.........Twatanic........Bisexual Superintendent (Wow....this is getting good and freaky!)
And finally, the Narrator of this story.........Bashful.......the Religious Advisor who is still recovering from his LSD and mushroom travels in 1970s and 1980s..........thank God disco and then MTV saved his life.
So, all these characters figuretively and literally suffer from the intense heat while on Trail. A Trail which Lil Easy sets as a trap for Cumfusion Say when she gets him to agree to stop by Hand Middle School for tutoring (1st beer stop). With all Hounds not far behind, the Hares are warned by Bashful that they should vacate the area immediately which they do. The Naughty School girls and the rest soon arrive and enjoy a libation in the shade. From there the Hares wander among the shaded streets of Shandon, and place a well needed beverage stop at the Naughty School Girls Catholic School on Devine and Blossom. Finger Me (The Superintendet) has Short Cutted his way to an early arrival at the beverage stop. From there the Hounds and the Hares were suffering and wilting under the blazing heat and humidity on Trail but percevere to finish Trail. There was a huge sigh of relief from all that the end of the Trail had been found and they had made it back without heat exhaustion, a shiggy or road rash injury, or deliriously falling into the path of an oncoming car and suffering something worse.
Now, the movie takes many twists and turns in the plot development. What you have is that typical hot and steamy politically and sexually infused southern town with mostly conservative, law abiding citizens and avid Bible Thumpers and purveyors of southern charm by day. But at night............many of the residetns get their freak on, the alcohol and drugs flow freely, the sexual tension breaks the straps of what is virtuous and honorable. Forbidden sexual liaisons abound..........some in the privacy of homes, while others spill over into the seedy back alleys, the back seats of cars and yes even in the foreign language classroom of the Naugty Girls High School.
And, yes..........MURDER! Lil Easy is found in the foreign language classroom, next to the teacher's lounge. She is naked, gagged with a colorful Cranium Head (Who said Head?) band, hands and feet are bound using dental floss and a phrase is carved into her stomach using a golf tee that says.........CH3. Other clues include school girl skirts, a softball glove over her face, dental appoitnment slip, a Lil Easy's math test with a grade of 69, a business card from a local gentlemen's club, and two empty containers of Chinese carry out from the Yu Flung Poo restaurant........and, oh yes........Lil Easy's panties are in a wad!
And, just so you understand the serious of this incident occuring in a Catholic Girls High School........also called Our Lady Give Us A Piece......the Vatican and the FBI both dispatch experts to the scene....most notably is Special Agent Stevie Wonderlick (visiting Hasher) who is sent to investigate the murder as a hate crime, which for Naugty School Girls could be from wearing the wrong color lipstick, having the boyfriend the others want, talking excessively about Facebook, Twitter, and Sexting, going crazy from annorexa, maxing a credit card you stole from your best friend, being sent home to put panties on under your girl girl skirt, or a sexual liaison that got rough, and then turned violent........................................so.................there you have it..........the plot has boiled and has now thickened under the right temperature
.............Who killed Lil Easy and why?
On On! Bashful