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Mortic Wentway looked over at the console with a frown. “Ellie? You expecting a message?”

“Not one that doesn’t start with BEEEEEEP,” replied Elanor Laison, frowning at the chessboard. “You get it, I’m busy.”

Mort shook his head slightly and walked to the computer. “Says it’s from... huh. Come and see this.”

With a sigh, Elanor tipped her king over. “You had me anyway,” she said, and joined him. “Legal Department, Arbitrary Censorship Division?” she read. “I’ve never heard of them.”

“I’ve barely heard of Legal at all, but exactly,” Mort agreed. “Shall we see what they’ve got to say to us?” He clicked the message open.

To the Snowthorn, Agent Elanor Laison, and Agent Mortic Wentway,

It has come to our attention that certain authorities are displeased with your Department’s current designation. Specifically, it is alleged that the initialism contained therein is offensive, and may constitute “adult content”.

For this reason, effectively immediately and retroactively, your Department is, and always has been, named the Department of WhatThe. The accepted abbreviation for this is DW, although allowances will be made for DOW and DoW.

All previous references to said Department will be altered to reflect this state of affairs, as will all other uses of the offending initialism. We thank you for your time.

Agent Chiaroscuro, Arbitrary Censorship Division, Legal Department, Protectors of the Plot Continuum

“... well, that was...”

“Arbitrary?” suggested Elanor.

“Pretty much,” Mort agreed. “Do you suppose we’ll ever hear anything more about this?”

“Are you kidding?” Elanor smiled. “This is the PPC. Of
course we won’t.”