HELPING YOUR CHILD DEVELOP A POSITIVE SELF-CONCEPT It is apparent that success in life is determined more by how a person feels about himself than by talent or ability. Research reveals that successful students are aware of their worth and importance. These same students are the ones who are able to resist peer pressure. They are also less likely to become involved in socially unacceptable behaviors. A positive self concept is mentioned frequently as one of the most important weapons against drugs. There are many things that one can do to enhance a student’s self-esteem. Suggestions for parents are listed below.
EXPECTATIONS: - State rules clearly and enforce them. Define limits, but allow flexibility for children within these limits.
- Expectations for children should be reasonable and fit ability and age. Help them set reasonable goals so they can achieve success.
- Children feel useful and valued if they have responsibilities.
- Children appreciate knowing family values and they profit from descriptions of experiences that determine values. Decisions made to accept certain beliefs and the reasons behind feelings are an important lesson for children.
ACTIONS - Discuss children’s activities and let them know that what they do is important to you. Attend games, parents’ day at school, drama presentations, and award ceremonies.
- Help children spend time and money wisely,
- It is extremely important to spend time together. Shared activities become favorite activities.
- Demonstrate how much you care. Hug them. Tell them that you love them and that they are terrific.
INTERACTIONS - Give praise and recognition frequently. Reward children for a job well done. Emphasize the good things they do.
- Let children know when you make mistakes and that you learned from them and that, despite it all, you feel good about yourself. Be a good role model.
- Allow children to do as much as they can on their own, but give them encouragement and support when they need it.
- Look for a solution to a problem without placing blame or commenting on a child’s character. Let children know that there is a problem and encourage them to look for a solution.
- Treat children as you would a good friend. Use phrases that build self-esteem like, “Thank you…What a good idea…You did that well.”
ATTITUDES - Deal with emotions, ideas, and feelings seriously. Never belittle by using phrases such as “You’ll grow out of it” or “It’s not as bad as you think.”
- Emphasize the uniqueness and strengths of others. Help children develop appreciation for different backgrounds and cultures.
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SUGGESTIONS TO ENHANCE SELF-CONCEPT
The following suggestions were taken from a workshop presented by Larry Deaton (Fort Osage R-1 School District):
- Teach children how to say good things to themselves. Positive self-talk is a great builder of self esteem.
- Encourage your child to be responsible for a younger child. Younger children can profit from caring for pets.
- Self-esteem increases when one is involved in activities rather than being a spectator (i.e. playing music vs. listening to music).
- Praise your child when you see him stop a bad behavior on his own. Self esteem correlates with the ability to control one’s behavior.
- Research reveals that physical activities build self-esteem and can be used to counteract depression.
- Share your personal adversities with your children. Let them know that you have failed, that it is “ok” to fail, and that you’ve learned from those experiences.
- Insist that children complete tasks. Finishing a job makes one feel good about himself.
- The more you compliment a child, the more he learns to appreciate others.
- Practice and preach positive thinking and express positive thoughts to your child.
- Children become what you tell them they are.
- Create opportunities for children to help others, such as neighbors, smaller children, and grandparents.
- Belonging to clubs, groups, and other organizations enhances self esteem.
- Build confidence by believing in your child. Encourage them to accept challenges.
- Patience is a good trait to encourage.
- Correct and discipline children in private.
- Prepare children for new experiences and difficult situations. Everyone feels more confident if they know what is going to happen.
- Children who have a positive self concept work to correct problems rather than spend time worrying about them.
- Let children choose their activities, but interfere if they are doing something immoral or dangerous.
- Ask your child’s opinion. Anyone’s self esteem is enhanced by this practice.
- Making others laugh is good for one’s self concept. Teach children the difference between positive and negative humor. Humor should never hurt.
- A wink can be like a secret hug.
Adapted from Missouri School Counselor Association