Disclaimer: The PPC is the creation of Jay and Acacia, Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha belongs to Seven Arcs and Akiyuki Shinbo, Cardcaptor Sakura belongs to Clamp, Sailor Moon belongs to Naoko Takeuchi, and Eternal Memories belongs to MXKM Productions, and we have no desire to take it. We also want to thank Desdendelle and Caddy-Shack for the beta-reading.
Tera shut down the mission alert on the beeping console. “Another mission already?”
“Time for us to go, then,” said Sergio while adjusting the shoulder strap of his M82A1. He was clearly looking forward to put the heavy rifle down.
“No, wait. It’s another team assignment.” Tera tapped some buttons, and read aloud the attached message. “‘Agents Sergio, Corolla, Nikki, Tera, and Ari: It has come to our attention that you did not fully charge the replacement Harry Potter and Nanoha Takamachi in your last mission. If you fail in this a second time, then you five will be temporarily transferred to whichever department has the largest paperwork backlog. Signed, Marquis de Sod.’ Well, isn’t he just a ball of sunshine.” Tera began to gather up snacks from the RC’s fridge.
“Not enough charges again? Seriously, do they like to complain about it?” Sergio muttered, “I keep getting this reprimand all the time. First time I got it from that stupid daisy, though.”
Nikki looked at the screen. “Oh, there’s another message: ‘Nikki, I got your request for a Nanohaverse Device. It should be ready in a bit, but could you guys please grab me a spaceship hard drive or something? I have Plans. Sincerely, Anne (DoSAT, DoI, DoF, Postal, Legal).’”
“Wait, didn’t you say that you aren’t a Nanohaverse mage?” Ari asked, still sprawled on the couch.
“Er... Yes and no. The problem with my magic is that it isn’t stable. It just keeps changing form. One day I am an Harry Potter wizard, another I am a Pretty Cure, and I even became a mermaid a couple times.” Nikki sighed and sat on the couch next to Ari, “I have no control over it, but it seems to depend on what kind of magic surrounds me. They say that if I stay close to Corolla and start using a Device, I could be able to lock it as Nanohaverse magic.”
Ari nodded. “Well, Nanohaverse magic is pretty versatile, and you can do pretty much anything with it--healing, elemental magic, magically-enhanced melee, even some kind of database if you like, so it’s probably a good choice.”
“Well, I hope you manage to use it today, since some extra firepower would be well appreciated here,” Sergio commented while reading the Intelligence Report. “If this Sue is as powerful as she seems, we’re in big trouble.”
“What is she? I’m not going to cast Annihilation Lightning again anytime soon,” Ari muttered in exasperation. “Frankly, I’ll be lucky if I can hover.”
“A ‘Laputarian’ girl or something with a magic power rivalling those of Nanoha and Fate. And it looks like she’s at least SS+ rank judging by what she manages to do.”
Sergio frowned and put down his rifle.
“Do you mind if I leave it here? It looks like .50 caliber anti-materiel rounds aren’t going to do us any good against that Sue.”
“Not at all. It must have been really tiring. But you aren’t going in unarmed, right?”
Sergio pulled out a small, silenced submachine gun from his belt holster.
“M66-SD. Silenced, full automatic, thirty 9x28mm rounds in each clip. It’s much less powerful than the Barrett, but at least is much lighter.”
Sergio looked like he was going to start describing the characteristic of the gun, but he was interrupted by Corolla’s voice.
“I thought you were obsessed only with your Beretta?”
“Weren’t you sleeping?”
“I heard ‘Sue’.”
Sergio facepalmed.
“Corolla, remember what I told you earlier. No Sue-eating on the job.”
Corolla snorted, and Tera got up and walked over to the small cabinet in the corner of the RC. She took out a few items and brought them over. “Here, Corolla, if you’re still hungry, I have some snacks,” she said. One of the items was a grey box, with a logo that looked like a cartoon cat’s head biting a cookie, though one half of its face was a skull. The other was what looked like a short, wide, white cake.
“What’re those?” asked Nikki.
Ari groaned and sat up. “They’re Schrodinger’s cookies (does and does not contain chocolate) and tabula rasa cake. The cake changes to be the most delicious depending on your environment,” she recited, as if from a script. “Whenever we get an influx of newbies, Tera bakes these and makes me deliver them.”
Tera sighed. “Well, shall we enter the fic? I’ll stay as myself this time--it seems we’ll need all the weapons we can get.” Ari nodded and stood up as Tera opened the portal. The heterogeneous group stepped in.
Sixteen year-old Alyxx Heart stood at the gateway of Castle Klowe. Though a Mage for the Mages Guild, She knows her destiny is much more, than others could possibly see. She was summoned by Lumina of the Klowe or "gods", in translation.
Ari groaned. “Oh, joy. Grammar, capitalization, inventing deities and cultures.”
“Not to mention that insanely Sue-ish name. Are we sure this isn’t a less-misspelled trollfic?” asked Sergio.
“Pretty sure--she has a ton of character bios on her deviantart page. Still, there’s nothing in the summary to suggest this new universe,” replied Tera.
Ari sighed, “Of course she does. Pity she doesn’t put any of that effort into making a better story. Ooh, that can’t be comfortable,” she remarked, looking at the two characters.
There in front of a throne stood a glowing, beautiful woman, dressed in cascading gold and silver robes. Alyxx bowed toward the goddess, of light, though she herself was a child of the fire.
Nikki nodded. “I’m all for the suffering of ‘Sues, but it seems rather cruel to let the goddess there just wear molten gold and silver,” she said, making no comment on the burning Alyxx Heart.
“Ah, please. The way she’s going on about ‘prophecies’ and ‘Laputa’, we’re gonna have to find some way to kill her off. Anything that weakens her beforehand is in our favor,” replied Sergio.
Corolla started writing charges on an holographic screen.
“This Alyxx is going to hit the jackpot. Descendant of a lost race, check. Said race being so speshul to fight alongside the gods, check. Being destined to fight evil, check. Houston, we’ve got a textbook Speshul Origins here.”
In the meantime, the goddess kept speaking.
"Now you must the girl who controls the magic of the alchemist called Clow."
Afterwards, the goddess disappeared.
“Must what?” Tera inquired, “Either Alyxx has divinatory powers, or this goddess needs to retake Giving Cryptic Orders 101.”
Alyxx pulled out her device, Exxellior, A Staff made of braided gold and silver, the gem atop was a deep red, enclosed within a golden net.
“There must have been a discount on Xs somewhere,” muttered Sergio. “And one on tacky jewels and sentence fragments.”
Alyxx teleported away. The five Agents followed through their own portal.
Minutes later she re-appeared, stepping away from the circle, while fixing the blue denim ribbon tied into her long, dark brunette hair, it faded.
Nikki frowned, looking at the Sue’s now-pale brown hair. “A denim ribbon? Wouldn’t that be uncomfortable?”
“Well, it DID fade away,” Corolla noted, “Although I thought the Author meant that the circle disappeared instead.”
“Hooray! Triple fading! That has to be a record for the most things affected by bad grammar yet!” cheered Tera. Sergio chuckled.
“Well, that’s one of the few things I like of this job. Alright, what is our target doing?”
“Let’s see... Just talking to Yuuno, so nothing interesting. Wait, Tsukasa? Frig, are we going to have to work with Shugo Chara characters now?” Ari asked.
“Or Lucky Star, maybe?” Corolla wondered.
“Maybe we’ll get lucky and it’ll just be the same name,” sighed Tera, trying to be optimistic.
"A criminal from Articana has come into your area of jurisdiction. Enforcer Crono wasn't able to capture this one before he escaped." Yuuno explained, watching Alyxx start to think on this one.
“Arcticana. Joy, how many new planets are we going to see? Does the Nanohaverse even have planet-destroying superweapons?” muttered Corolla.
“I’m afraid we’ll have to call DOGA and Sun Crush the living daylights out of half this fic,” Sergio frowned.
Ari shook her head. “I don’t think they’ll let us take one. From what I’ve heard, no one likes using them. Well, if they don’t go there, then maybe we can just leave it and canon will take care of it. Temple-planet is still an issue, though.”
Corolla, in the meanwhile, begun staring at the sky.
“Look! It’s snowing!” The little Unison Device started spinning with joy under the snow.
“Focus, Corolla, focus.” Sergio reprimanded, “Although, isn’t it odd? It’s not very cold.”
“Seems the characters think so too.”
"Exxellior is right, it's May, and snow shouldn't be falling now. Its must be the Articanian criminals doing!" Yuuno realized, looking at Alyxx.
"Damn right it is. He's trying to throw us off his trail. He knows we'll try a thermal reader, the snow will interfere" Alyxx crossed her arms over her chest, scowling.
Ari frowned, “So, let’s see. You’re the chosen messenger of the gods, have the magical strength of--uh, she’s at the TSAB, right? And she needs a HEAT sensor to find a guy. Seriously, Wide Area Search, anyone? And if the snow is falling THERE, wouldn’t the criminal need to be there by necessity?”
“It sounds kinda like Atem des Eises, but that was a Hayate spell. I guess weather magic works easier in this fanfiction?” Corolla wondered.
“Actually, I don’t think it’s a Nanohaverse spell.” Nikki answered while looking at the snowflakes on her hands, “It looks like the Snow Card’s doing. But, why?”
Tera looked at her. “Snow Card? How can you tell that it’s not just a weather spell?”
Nikki gave her a quizzical look. “Because I was... No, wait, I wasn’t the card mistress. Sakura was.”
Nikki looked a bit confused, so Sergio explained for her.
“She’s a clone of Sakura, like Ari is of Alicia. More or less, I think.”
Nikki rubbed the back of her head in embarrassment. “I still tend to slip up sometimes. Having ten years of another person’s memories in my head isn’t easy.”
Ari patted her on the back. “It’s fine. I guess I got lucky--most of Alicia’s life is left vague. Though it is kind of weird having no memories from the time I--she--died and when I was a teenager in my home fic.”
Tera nodded, and they all stood in the snow for a moment.
"Exxellior Set Up!" Alyxx said as the circle flashed. Her clothes evaporated from her body, and were replaced by a leotard in black. Over top materialized a black material ending just above her knees as a skirt, dual pieced, a white piece filled the gap. Black boots ending just below her knees flashed, as did black gloves. A Purple choker materialized, and a belt crossed in an "X" clasped together by a golden diamond. Golden trim set itself against the black of her gloves and boots, golden diamonds lit up on the face of her boots. Armlets tied at her elbows, golden Diamonds against a purple surface, purple slunk itself from under the golden top edge of her boots, purple and golden lines tied themselves down just under her bust. Her eyes opened and the pupils vanished leaving behind only the violet coloration. The Blue ribbon she previously wore tied itself back into her hair. Finally she grasped hold of Exxellior and a purple cape, white on the inner part materialized, billowing in the wind that had picked up.
“Oh Madoka, my eyes,” groaned Corolla, covering them.
“Naked Sue. I did NOT need to see that. Even in Nanoha, from the outside you can just see a glowy light! The nakedness DIDN'T ACTUALLY HAPPEN! God, it’s like Animist and the Anarchist all over again,” complained Tera.
Ari rubbed her eyes. “Is it just me, or is that just a color-swapped version of Season One Fate’s Barrier Jacket with tacky sparkly things added?”
“No, it looks like a bad palette swap to me too.” Sergio agreed.
“Why does she have gloves on her legs?” asked Nikki. “Oh wait, stupid question. Add a clothing and jewelry charge to the list. Do diamonds even come in yellow?”
Corolla checked on an holographic screen.“Technically, yes. Nitrogen impurities do the trick. But I don’t think the author was thinking about that. The better question is, how in the name of Madoka can she see without pupils? They’re kinda necessary!”
“Oh, they’re very necessary. It’s just the Suethor thinks that pupilless eyes look more dramatic, and didn’t consider that they have a purpose. On the bright side, she’ll be blind once we break away from the narrative to kill her, unless she gets some kind of Sue-spidey-sense,” answered Sergio.
"Alyxx, why don't we at least try the VR visor?" Yuuno questioned.
"Activate VRvisor" Alyxx commanded Exxellior.
“Well, thanks for that bit of redundancy,” muttered Ari.
"Yes sir" Unlike other tools Exxellior had a bit of emotion, respect tinting its metallic voice.
“Oh--Oh really,” hissed Corolla. “You know, I could’ve sworn I remembered that EVERY INTELLIGENT DEVICE EVER had emotions. Hmm, like Raising Heart reassuring her master in battle, or Bardiche being the one to convince Fate to go help Nanoha and not give up. And there was that small matter of Mach Caliber having long conversations with Subaru about its nature as a weapon and machine designed to help her. Plus, there are the Unison Devices, like the Reins, Agito, and even myself!” The tiny agent looked like she was about to start foaming at the mouth.
Nikki cautiously patted the Unison Device on the back with a finger. “Um--I bet that it’s just her people are terrible Device-makers. And she did say tools--perhaps hers is just a malfunctioning Storage Device or something. She’d have to be a total moron to not realize Intelligent Devices have emotions.”
Corolla snorted. “Because she’s given us so much reason to have faith in her intelligence. I’m so disgusted by her, I don’t want to eat her anymore.”
Sergio facepalmed.
"According to the diagnostic shown, our villain is within a 1/16 mile radius of here." Alyxx said deactivating the visor.
“See what I mean? A quick conversion on Google can figure out that that’s 110 yards--easily within the range of a human eye, not even taking into account that fancy visor she’s got,” pointed out Corolla. “I mean, seriously, I got this result in 10 seconds. It’s not even snowing hard enough to obscure vision, see?” She pointed to a Generic visible about a hundred yards away.
“Well, she IS missing her pupils. Still doesn’t excuse Yuuno, though.”
But the characters continued to not notice the only other humanoid who was supposed to be there. Then, Yuuno had a Eureka moment when he realized they could use Magi-Technobabble to find a Generic standing directly in his line of sight by tracking the magical anomalies he was apparently causing.
"Where did the majority of those disturbances occur?" Yuuno asked, giving an anticipated look.
"Someplace called Penguin Park" Alyxx said, giving a shrug. "Gods what an awful name" She scoffed, looking at Yuuno who was giving the 'Can you not put two and two together' look. She gasped, and pointed toward Yuuno.
"We look should at Penguin Park!" they both shouted toward each other.
Ari placed her hands on her head in mock shock. “No, really? Yuuno, you already figured that out--you’re better than this! I bet the stupid Sue made him her Lust Object, though I suppose that’s better than making him abandon Nanoha to burglar-rapists and wet his pants.”
Sergio blinked. “That happened to you?”
“I stabbed the burglars in the chest! And it was technically a mini the entire time, but that kinda made the kissing scenes really creepy to watch,” remarked Tera.
Sergio nodded slowly. “O-kay then. Besides, Penguin Park is a fine name! Alliteration is perfectly acceptable for a children’s playground, and you really can’t talk about names, Miss Bulk-Order-of-X-es.” He turned towards the suddenly-appeared Penguin Park, and made a noise of surprise as Tomoeda suddenly appeared, replacing the generic, if snow-spotted landscape. “So, I guess we should get over there.”
The two of them took off towards the park, Yuuno Flying using his ability as a mage, Alyxx ran as she preferred not to use her flying ability, seeing as she could run faster than she could fly. Arriving at the park they both hid in the trees, spying their target, the man standing there, dressed in white and blue furs. A storm swirled around him as he played a small harp.
“Wow, could they fly any slower?” asked Nikki as the agents walked at a leisurely pace to the park. They stopped at the edge of the park, just out of the Sue’s sight. Though, considering her terrible vision, it might not have been necessary.
SergIo shivered. “Well, Yuuno clearly can’t let her lose. Look, unless she’s Fate or something, she can’t outrun someone who’s flying. They don’t have to deal with obstacles on the ground, things like roots or rocks, and they don’t have to rely on their leg muscles.”
Alyxx, what's your plan?" Yuuno asked, keeping his voice low, as to not 'rouse suspicion.
"First you surprise and bind him, and then I'll jump out give my spiel and burn his ass, doing enough damage just to wear him out, so that we can take him in. Then we can reap our rewards" She said with a wink and playful tone.
Yuuno sweat-dropped, with and audible "wahh", springing back up he grunted at her and then went on with, "How you got to be the leader of a sanction of mages is beyond even me!" He yelled, partially still keeping his voice low.
“Yeah, we want to know that too.” Tera said staring at the sweatdrop, “And in Nanoha there is no such thing as a ‘mage sanction’, besides”
“It almost looks like Yuuno is fighting the Suefluence,” Ari noted, “that’s very good.”
Corolla brought up her holographic notepad again.
“So, charge for inventing organizations, being an idiotic leader, and the creation of the Amazing Talking Sweatdrop?”
“I guess so,” Nikki answered while chasing the little sweatdrop. Apparently, it had managed to sprout a face and limbs and was running away.
Sergio frowned. “Aren’t they at least supposed to entertain the thought that the criminal might want to come along peacefully? Being this bloodthirsty is not good in a police officer.”
Ari frowned. “Yeah, especially since the TSAB was one of the more lenient police forces ever--I mean, they were perfectly willing to let convicted criminals join their ranks if they had a good reason and didn’t cause too much trouble. What did this criminal even do?”
The agents shrugged and watched as Alyxx stepped out of her tree and caught the criminal with a bind spell.
"Who the hell are you?" The criminal shouted, gaining Alyxx's laugh.
"Your arresting officer" She continued to laugh. "I am Alyxx Heart, leader of mages guild arc 1 sanction 13" She said announcing her name and title. "Criminal serial number 124787576, home area Articana, crimes included; murder, thievery, and rape. Enjoy your last moments of freedom, you filthy piece of shit" Alyxx added, venom in her voice increasing with each word, her last word, literally spit-out. "Exxellior engage shooter form"
“Wow, OK, that’s violent. Aren’t police officers supposed to stay un-emotionally connected to their cases, because it clouds their judgement?” asked Ari, glancing at the swear-word that had fallen out of Alyxx’s mouth.
Sergio nodded. “Yeah, and anyways, isn’t she supposed to give him the option of surrender first? You know, ‘If you surrender you will be allowed to plead in your own defense’ and all that? I used to be a cop too, I know how this stuff works. Besides, Chrono was more collected arresting Shamal than she is now, and he actually had a personal connection with the Book of Darkness case.”
"Now you can either comply, or I'm gonna roast your ass" Alyxx said, pointing the barrel toward the criminal.
“Well, there it is. But in the criminal’s shoes, I’d feel like she would attack me anyways.”
“He must be thinking that, in fact.” Corolla pointed at the Generic Criminal, who was trying to free himself.
"Cosmic Flare!" Alyxx shouted. A fireball began growing at the barrel of Exxellior.
"Watery Card summon a wave to put out the flame. Release and Dispel!" A voice called from nowhere, moments later, a wave drenching Alyxx who seethed with rage.
"Dammit! A comrade!" She barked, frantically looking around, holding a massive glare.
"Sword card, cut through the restraints. Release and Dispel" The voice called again, as a shadow moved to cut through the chains Yuuno had cast, Alyxx catching it.
Sergio and Nikki just stared for several seconds, twitching slightly and, in Nikki’s case, nearly strangling the poor sweatdrop.
“Guys? Are you OK?” Corolla waved a hand in front of Sergio’s eyes.
“OF COURSE NOT!”
Corolla instinctively backed off. Sergio wasn’t prone to Capslock Of Rage, so it meant that he was pissed off. And, in fact, he was quite close to foaming at the mouth.
“Sakura waltzes in, and decides that the best thing to do is to free the criminal? Granted, Alyxx shouldn’t have tried to blast him, but Sakura’s got better reasoning than that! I know her well enough to be sure of it!”
“And Alyxx catching the Sword card bare-handed? That’s ridiculous!” Nikki added, “The Sword cuts through everything, except for highly powerful magical artifacts like Sakura’s staff or Syaoran’s sword!”
“This one is mine.” Sergio claimed, “This one is oh so freaking mine. I want to kill her myself, and be sure that she suffers.”
“Calm down, you two!” Tera reprimanded, “While those are serious charges, there’s no way you can take her on with what you have now.”
“But she’s butchering Sakura!” hissed Nikki. “Just look!”
Alyxx felt the same energy appear again, she looked over into the trees, her eyes now glowing with an intense blue light. She held her hand up and took in a breath. "Paralyze" She said softly, twitching her hand so that it resembled a paw. "Transport" another soft word. Seconds later appeared a girl, looking to be only a year or two younger than Alyxx and Yuuno. She wore a school uniform, and held with her a pink staff, decorated on top with a star and wings.
“Hey, I thought she was using Nanohaverse magic!” growled Tera. “At the very least, she could let Yuuno, who specializes in binds and teleports, do that!”
“She’s a Sue. She has to specialize in everything and show up everyone,” muttered Ari.
"The man before you girl is a known criminal and by aiding and abetting him, you will be charged with interference in a guild case. Now your name girl?" Alyxx spoke as though she were a drill sergeant, the girl only arrogantly looked away. "Give me your god dammed name!" Alyxx shouted, scaring the girl badly.
"Sakura. Sakura Avalon." The girl said stating her name.
“A-ARROGANT?!? This IS Kinomoto Sakura, right? Even if you’re using her dubbed name, she’s still one of the most saintly, kindest, sweetest characters in anime! She couldn’t touch arrogant with a twenty-foot-pole and the Big card!” yelled Sergio. “Plus, swearing at her when she clearly has no idea what’s going on? Alyxx Heart, I swear to Madoka, the Sankt Kaiser, Haruhi Suzumiya and every other deity that I. Will. Enjoy. Killing. You.”
In another plane of existence, a certain pink-haired goddess of hope sighed.
“I would rather people not swear death in my name... Homura trying to kill Sayaka for my sake was bad enough...”
"Alyxx. We'll take it from here" came the all-to-familiar voice, Enforcer Crono Haralown, stepped out of the shadow. "Thank-you, without you and the ferret wanabe's work, this criminal would still be out and about. As for the gir," He said, taking the prisoner, placing a restrictor cuff around his torso, so that he wouldn't be able to cast magic or run.
Ari sighed, “Oh great. Are we going to get another Suethor making a mini act out a canon’s role?” She rubbed her forehead as the mini-Defense Program hovered over and stuck what looked like a thick bracelet onto the Generic Criminal’s waist. “Ooh, that’s gotta hurt. I wonder if we can find a stash of those anywhere?”
“As for the gir--what? Stupid sentence fragments. At least we didn’t get some kind of Invader Zim mini,” muttered Tera.
Corolla checked a few displays. “I think the canon is trying to quarantine itself. Until the story actively brings the characters in, it won’t let any other canons into the story.” She sighed as the chapter break started.
"Just fucking great…" Alyxx droned sarcastically, anger dripping from the words. Now, not only had an enforcer taken control of her mission, but had now settled her with a civilian alchemist. 'Crono you great bastard' she thought as her anger bubbled down.
“Alchemist? Besides, I thought YOU were an Enforcer. What kind of rank does this girl have, anyways?” asked Ari.
Corolla hurriedly scanned the bio. “U-um, she’s just from this Mages’ Guild thing. Plus, didn’t this thing mention that guy being Chrono’s criminal before he escaped? I have no idea what the TSAB’s hot pursuit laws are, but it’s not really her mission in the first place.”
“Civilian alchemist my ass. The cards have nothing to do with alchemy! I can only hope that later Sakura will correct her, but of course this Sue is never wrong,” growled Sergio, watching as Chrono teleported away through some kind of void. “Yeah, because Chrono can teleport without using the TSAB transports.”
"Umm. Excuse me, but what happening?" The girl, Sakura she'd said her name was.
"Listen that was an enforcer. One of Alyxx's so-called superiors, and now were supposed to follow protocol and fill you in on what happened, why were here, and what happens next, you being a civilian. First things first, you explain yourself." Yuuno said, seeing Alyxx calm down enough to listen.
“Um, no. Magic or not, Earth is an Unadministrated World. Frankly, you’d be better off teleporting away instead of hoping she wouldn’t tell anyone what you said,” corrected Tera.
“So-called superiors--hey, wasn’t Chrono the captain of his own starship at this point? Never mind the fact that Yuuno’s way more respectful than that. Even if they are semi-rivals, kinda, he’s still way more collected than this.”
“Too much time near the Sue, by my guess,” muttered Ari.
"My Names Sakura Avalon, I am 14 years old and I am the master of the Clow Cards." She said, sounding a little wary of the two mages around her.
"So you're the Master of the Alchemist Clow's power? Well that makes it easier for us at least." Alyxx said, giving a small relieved sigh.
“Alchemist--wait, if she didn’t know that Sakura was the master of the cards, then why did she call Sakura an alchemist? Either she already knew, which makes that line redundant, or she didn’t, and she’s acting like a moron,” complained Ari.
“Wait a second. Sakura’s fourteen here--then the cards have already been converted into Sakura cards! C’mon, it’s like she’s not even trying anymore,” cried Sergio.
"I believe it will be better for me to answer." Came the regal voice, followed by the appearance of the goddess.
'The Light Card?" Sakura looked dup in amazement at the being standing on the stone walkway.
"No, Young Master of Clow. I am the ruler of the gods, the controller of light. I am Lumina, goddess" She said, appearing in front of Sakura.
“Oh, great.” Corolla complained. “Seems that this goddess can pop out and have a chat anywhere she want to.”
“I’d rather give that power to Madoka. You know, a goddess that actually does her job.” Nikki added.
“Well, it makes things easier for us. We won’t have to chase her through... Dimensions? Different planes of existence? I can’t say anymore.”
"Your destiny was set in motion the day you opened the lock on the book of Clow, the day my seal of power was broken." Lumina said, Sakura stared wide-eyed at the goddess, for the first she understood the power of the book. "Your Clow Reed was an alchemist of supreme power. So great in fact that we of the gods gave him runic elements of our power, which he then proceeded to embed the cards with. It was the cards that caused his death, their power couldn't be contained, and such they broke free; he sealed them, but also his fate. It was to me he brought the book. And it was my power that formed the golden seal on the book. The fact that you could break the seal, let alone control the cards, shows that you are a great alchemist, even greater than Clow Reed." Lumina spoke, telling Sakura what even the two guardians of the book had forgotten.
“You were right, Sergio. This so-called-goddess is going down.” Nikki growled, “The whole Card Captor Sakura plot has been butchered in a single paragraph! Namely, the cards didn’t kill him, he was just old! The cards are all sentient beings, and they are kinda nice too.”
“Wait.” Ari interrupted her, “Alyxx is explaining a bit more about their current seven-beasts problem. Which is also our own.”
Stepping forward, Alyxx looked up. "Seven horrible demons, demons so horrible that even the farthest reaches of Hell couldn't contain their power, are slowly returning to their previous light. These demons were responsible for the destruction of the land Laputa, a land that traveled through dimensions, and planes, so massive that Pangaea would have seemed like a grain of rice, home to creatures ranging so widely that not even all creatures were known. The demons are called the Seven Shadows; it is my duty to gather the army that will battle these creatures, for the sake of all seven planes, for the sake of the hundreds upon millions of worlds, the nonillions of creatures that live in these worlds." Alyxx paused so that Sakura could take in all that she said. She saw the look of recognition on Sakura's face. "Sakura, do you see, that is why we need you help. To prevent what happened to Laputa, from happening to the other worlds." Sakura nodded.
“... Crap.” Sergio commented, “If we fail to kill this thing, we can kiss several canons goodbye. If not the entire multiverse. Why I get always involved in the worst messes the multiverse has to offer?”
“Well, if we time the kills just right we can get rid of the monsters before they even appear,” Tera proposed. “Oh, wait, destiny-in-rhymes time!”
“Yay.” The other four Agents deadpanned in unison.
"Warriors who have their leaders trust
The power of elements is a must
Hidden power is another key
This part is three and three
Another one
Those who revived the sun
Those who dealt with night sky
Soldiers with power of bodies up high
The Master of Clow power
And those who helped her at the tower"
"That is your army, young child of fire." Lumina said, and with that said she vanished, leaving behind an Alyxx who becoming more annoyed.
"Sometimes I swear the gods do things like that just to piss off." Alyxx growled through clenched teeth.
“It is bad that I agree with her last sentence?” Sergio wondered, “I mean, I want Alyxx dead, but that was exactly what I was thinking. Well, I did it with better grammar, though.”
Ari frowned. “The gods vanish just to--leave? There should be a ‘me’ in between those last two sentences, otherwise it’s just a tautology.”
Tera began to count on her fingers. “OK, so the ‘night sky’ people are probably Nanoha and company--though really, shouldn’t it be ‘dealt with the darkness’? That’s more accurate and alliterative.”
Nikki nodded. “The last two lines are obviously about Sakura. That line about soldiers--do you think it could be the Senshi?”
Sergio shrugged, “It’s not mentioned in the summary, but it could be. Let’s hope it’s not--we’re going to have enough trouble finishing this up as it is.”
"There's still the matter of where were going to stay. We can't use the base, considering it's designed for one person, and the fact that there is no running water or bed." Yuuno pointed out, distracting Alyxx from her thoughts, which frankly he didn't want to know.
“That is a terrible base. The whole point of having one is that it’s somewhere safe you can hide out, recuperate, or plan from! If it doesn’t have basic amenities, or can only fit one person, then they need a new base. Heck, anywhere where you can stash medical supplies, rations, some blankets, and extra tools would be better than this!” ranted Tera. “Really, even the TSAB, who you seem to look down on, gave Lindy, Fate, Amy, Arf, and Chrono a nice house when they were staying on Earth. If your precious Mages’ Guild can’t even manage that, then at the very least you could try and make a better one.”
“Why do they even have a base on Earth? If they have teleportation spells, then surely it’d be more efficient to put your base on some kind of central planet, like that temple planet from before, or the headquarters of your Guild?” asked Nikki.
“Well, obviously it’s so they have an excuse to go to Sakura’s house,” muttered Ari.
'Okay, so that's set. Lets go" Alyxx said, returning to her civilian form. Her old, stretched out loose, blue jeans, riding on the top of her black and white shoe. A purple surfer hoodie (The ones that are thin and sleeveless) that had a fire symbol painted on it, maroon sleeves with dark blue stripes peeked hung outside the hoodie, Exxellior took its place as her necklace, the blue ribbon forever tied into her hair. A chain connected to some type of fan hung from her belt loop, and fingerless gloves in violet and denim stretched over her hands. Sakura noticed that she painted her nails a deep purple.
“Um, am I the only one who sees the clothes just floating in midair?” asked Ari. The other agents shook their heads. A pair of ridiculously stretched, ratty jeans were sitting on top of a single black and white shoe. Attached to a fraying belt loop, dragging on the ground, was an electric fan attached to a thick chain. At about shoulder height, a purple, hooded sweatshirt, so thin the agents could see through it, hovered with a Fire Nation symbol drawn in dripping red paint. Emerging from the neckhole of the hoodie were two maroon sleeves.
In fact, the only thing the Sue was wearing was ‘Exxellior’s’ necklace, an ornate gold and silver necklace decorated with rubies, a blue ribbon that seemed to be glued to her hair, and a pair of baggy, denim fingerless gloves colored an eye-aching purple that somehow clashed with her nail polish.
“Uh... no. And I really need Bleeprin now. For Olivie’s sake, it’s still snowing, so why isn’t she freezing? Hey, did we ever get a reason why Sakura was using the Snow card?” asked Tera.
Ari shrugged, and sighed. “Well, at least Yuuno gets some proper clothes.” Although a ‘tan sweatshirt and khaki shorts along with black and white converse sneakers’ was floating next to the Canon, he was wearing his standard light-green sweatshirt and tan shorts. “Thank goodness the canon is still strong enough to keep that.” The Agents gathered around the floating clothing as the main characters walked off.
“Think we can sell any of this?” asked Corolla.
“Hm... the jeans are way too stretched out and old for clothing, so that’s no good. The hoodie could be salvageable if we can get some of the paint off and sew the sleeves where they should be. The shoe is no good, since there’s just one of it. The fan could probably be sold, even with the chain, and Yuuno’s clothes are probably also good.”
A few minutes later, the agents had tossed the items into Sergio, Nikki, and Corolla’s RC, and the jeans and shoe had found a new home in a Goodwill bin. Corolla sighed. “What now?”
"What Lumina said, I swear I've heard the same thing before." Alyxx said, eyes not leaving the sky.
"Maybe it was in one of your books" Yuuno suggested.
"Yuuno, you're a genius! It was in the Tome of the Goddess!"
The agents winced. Corolla sighed, “Oh right, that. So, they already knew about this stupid prophecy? Then why did the goddess act like--never mind, Sue logic, right.”
“I wonder how much Tomes of Goddesses sell for,” murmured Ari.
Tera shrugged. “Depends on how much’s in it, I guess. Unless the Suethor comes out and gives the exact contents, it’ll probably just be that prophecy repeated over and over again, if we ever see the book.”
The agents portalled to the Kinomoto house, hiding a room over as the Sue flopped onto the couch, and began to discuss the ‘prophecy’ with the Suefluenced canons.
"There are ten elements, and since I control fire, that leaves nine more" Alyxx said, watching Yuuno scribble down, names. "Those who I trust? Lacey is earth, Tsukasa is light, Zero is wind, Rock is dark, Blues is electricity, Sam is ice, and Mina is wood. Aside from You Nanoha, Fate, Aruf, Crono, and the Wolkenritters, that's it." Alyxx said, giving off a shrug. "Wow I don't trust that many people and I barely trust my brother and Crono."
“Who are they?” hissed Ari. “Ten elements--she gave water, earth, fire, wind, electricity, ice, wood, light, and dark. That just leaves one, and shouldn’t ice be considered water anyways?”
“Yeah, and why shouldn’t she trust Chrono? Oooh, maybe she’s actually a subordinate of Chrono’s evil twin.”
Corolla grimaced as she scanned the author’s deviantart page. “Well, there’s bios for, um, Lacey and Alyxx herself, plus someone called Natalie. That’s weird, apparently Natalie’s power is electricity-based, yet it’s this Blues person who gets that power.”
“Could Blues be her nickname?” asked Nikki.
Corolla shook her head, replying, “No, her color is pink. Why are you asking me to justify the thoughts of Sues?”
"With them we have twenty warriors, and nine of the supposed elementals mentioned. Me, Nanoha, and the others, make up the part about the sun and night sky." Yuuno said, looking at his scribblings. "Hidden Powers?" Yuuno questioned towards Alyxx.
"Offsets of the elements, smaller forms of the larger powers, like desert magic is an offset of earth and valentine is an offset of light. Problem is there are thousands, and according to the verse, there's only supposed to be ten" Alyxx said leaning back.
“Well, that at least explains the weird numbering. What’s that part about the sun? I understand the ‘night sky’ bit, at least, but unless they’re referring to a different group of ‘others’...” murmured Ari. Sergio had other things on his mind.
“OK, desert kinda makes sense, but what the hell is ‘valentine magic’ supposed to be!? If it’s based around emotions, then surely that’d be an entirely different section!”
“I think it’s best not to give them ideas. A Sue or bit with emotion powers wouldn’t be good for our minds’ safety.” Tera shuddered. “If it’s anything like what happens when a Summoner gets mind-controlled... I don’t even want to think about it.”
Ari frowned. “Well, let’s see, nothing really happens for the next few paragraphs, just some attempts at ‘heartwarming’ between Alyxx and Sakura, who should be able to cook something as simple as pancakes, right?”
Sergio nodded, “Manga volume 1, she has a good recipe for pancakes. In fact, when I cook pancakes I use exactly that same recipe. They’re pretty good.”
“My recipe?” Nikki said in shock, ”How did you...?”
“Er... I managed to snatch it during a mission? Beside, that’s Sakura’s, not yours.”
“Right.”
Tera opened a portal, and the agents emerged into an office-like room, decorated in deep reds and rich purples. The room was furnished with paintings of an island on the wall, a large mahogany desk, scattered with papers and files, and armoire, and a futon bed littered with pillows, clothes, blankets, and toiletries. "Welcome to my office, my home away from home" Alyxx said dryly,
“Wait, why didn’t they just come here first?” asked Nikki. “Seriously, this room is big enough to fit all three of them.”
Corolla bounced up and down. “Oh! Oh! I know! It was so that we could have random expository dialogue between Yuuno, Alyxx, and Sakura! Which, of course, they could’ve done here.”
Tera grimaced at the mess. “Well, clearly this place hasn’t seen a vacuum cleaner in ages. I wouldn’t want anyone to have to see this if I had another option.”
"Hey, so I see you showed up at a semi-decent time." Crono said appearing in the doorway, walking in. "Good on 'ya Heart" he said, ignoring Alyxx's growl.
This time Crono wasn’t a mini, but what looked like a clone of Chrono. He was wearing a Barrier Jacket with even more spikes than the canon’s one, with two fake skulls as shoulder pads.
“Yup, he’s Chrono’s evil twin brother all right.” Corolla commented.
“Uhm... Last time we checked, wasn’t he a mini?” Nikki asked, “I guess we need a CAD reading.”
[Crono Haralown. Male mini-turned-human. Uncanon. Evil twin of Chrono Harlaown. Make sure to dispose of the body properly to avoid resurrection in next series.]
“If he doesn’t do too much damage, we can recruit him. Considering how much he gets along with Alyxx, he may even help us with the kill.”
"And just what do you want with me, Haralown?" Alyxx said, tossing another file, just missing his head, silently cursing her luck.
"All credit for the capture of the Articanian criminal goes to you and the ferret wannabe." Crono said handing Alyxx and Yuuno checks.
“Oh, how polite of him. Can’t imagine why she treats him so rudely.”
“Checks?” Sergio wondered. “Are they TSAB officers or bounty hunters?”
“Well, technically they’re from this Guild thing, right? Those people could be bounty hunters,” remarked Ari.
"Now, Now Crono, be nice" said a girl walking in, she wore her long, light terra-cotta hair in a ponytail, tied by a white ribbon, she wore an orange sleeveless top and jean shorts, with black shoes.
“Be nice? He just paid them! Who is this jerk?” asked Ari, staring at the clay-haired girl. She pointed the CAD at her.
"Nanoha, long time no see" Yuuno said, shrinking back, just a little.
[Takamachi Nanoha. Female Part-Golem. Character Replacement. Kill it with fire... no, wait, a jackhammer is better.]
“Why is Yuuno scared of a girl he’s known since she was nine? I mean, her suddenly becoming partially clay is strange, but still.” Tera groaned. “Oh, come on! ‘Et tu’ is LATIN, not French! How do you screw that up?!”
"Fine. I've actually gotten some good news, superior" Nanoha said, smiling
"That's good….. Wait a minute!" Alyxx yelled exasperatedly. "Did you just call me superior?" She poked a finger into the girl's shoulder.
“Ugh... Like Nanoha acts like that. Nanoha would call her by her actual rank. Superior just sounds... weird,” muttered Corolla.
"Yup. As of today, I am an official member of Sanction 13 'protectors'" Nanoha smiled, holding up a paper that wore Alyxx's signature.
The agents all slapped their foreheads. “Yeah, it’s not like you have your own job training people, or anything. Then again, since this is a character replacement, I guess she doesn’t have her own job. With our luck, she’ll end up a bajillion times more powerful than the original, even counting the fact that the original is practically magic-less at this point...” grumbled Sergio.
“Nothing we didn’t deal with last mission. Anyways, the third chapter is just name-dropping her own OCs, pretty much. The only thing relevant to the ‘plot’, such as it is, is that Al-Hazard is one of the seven hells, even though--ah, screw it. They’re also heading to the land of Sailor Moon. I vote we portal ahead.” Tera fiddled with the Remote Activator, and a portal opened.
The group quickly emerged into... the exact same room, a chapter later. Sergio frowned as he scanned the Words they’d missed. “Hey, you said she was just name-dropping her own OCs, but there’s something important about Tomoyo in here!”
Tera looked confused. “Who’s Tomoyo?”
Sergio sighed, “Tomoyo is Sakura’s best friend. In the American dub, and I guess here, she’s ‘Madison Taylor.’ Here it says that she suddenly developed psychic powers, became apprenticed to an offworld mage, all without Sakura’s knowledge!”
“Oh, that was a canon character? The name was pretty bland, so I figured it was one of her OCs that she’d inserted in there. Sorry.”
Sergio rubbed his temples. “It’s fine. And we got to miss out on Alyxx parading around in her birthday suit, so that’s something.” As he said that, Alyxx stood up to look a picture on her screen.
"Who are those warriors? They belong to the Bureau, or the Guild? Or another institution?" Alyxx shrugged in reply, a sweat-drop came from Crono then came. Sakura pushed her way into the middle and stared at the screen.
"I know who they are!" Sakura shouted. "They're the Sailor Soldiers, warriors of justice, who right wrongs and triumph over the evils of the galaxy!" She said excitedly as a kid in a candy store. "They're my favorite heroines!" A girl about to meet her hero.
“Ugh. So, I can buy that mercenary Guild thing not keeping tabs on Earth mages, but why doesn’t the TSAB know who the Senshi are? After Nanoha showed up, then Hayate, I’d expect the TSAB to notice a group of ten teenagers fighting monsters in public,” grumbled Ari.
"Well, we can't let them keep going the way they are" Alyxx said, grabbing Exxellior. "With the way that meat-ball headed one is going, the city will be destroyed." A look of confidence smeared across her face.
Tera scrambled for Bleeprin as a face, with an expression of confidence, liquified and smeared across Alyxx’s face. “Well, that’s rude. I might not know a whole lot about Sailor Moon, but she has fought before, and considering the length of her show, she and her team have probably gotten to the point where they can, you know, consistently beat the monsters without destroying their city.”
“Yeah, making fun of people you’ve never actually seen in a full battle is just begging for a don’t-judge-a-book-by-its-cover Aesop,” commented Ari. “Blah-blah-blah, technobabble, blah-blah-blah, this isn’t funny... Oh good, Alyxx is going to get clothes on!”
"Exxellior Set Up!" The same light enveloped her, mesmerizing Sakura. As the light died down, Alyxx stepped out in her mages outfit and gripping Exxellior's basic form in her hand. "Well, what in the hell are you waiting for?" her voice came out sharp and impatient.
“Ok, so she is Nanohaverse, in which case the transformation should be almost instantaneous. And really, it’s not that mesmerizing, just eye-aching,” grumbled Sergio. “Oh joy, she’s messing with Nanoha’s Barrier Jacket.”
"Right!" Nanoha said, a little embarrassed that she also was mesmerized by the magical light. She help what once was a simple red orb, now in the shape of a star, Raging Heart, her staff and partner.
“Oh, so now Devices have personality,” snarled Corolla.
“Still not over that?” asked Sergio.
“I’ll get over it when you get over Sakura’s lobotomization. Really, transformation magic is not that special, Suethor.”
"Raging Heart Set Up!" She yelled. A warm light washed over her. First to materialize from the cherry-blossom shaped lights was a leotard. Over –top the suit materialized a white material lined with blue. Silver metal plates formed from the light as did a blue lining around each plate; they locked in at her shoulders. A blue belt tied around her waist, off of it hung a jacket, decorated with blue hems. Down from the belt a skirt dropped down to just below her knees, ending in a frilled hem, this was blue along with three parallel blue lines on either side of the skirt. White boots just above her ankles appeared; metal encasing around her toes and heels. Blue warped its way into the seams of the metal. White socks wrapped up her leg ending at her knees with silver plates, edged in blue. White glove wrapped around her hands, silver plates edged in blue on the backs of her hands. A blue band wrapped around each wrist. A white cape lined with blue appeared, tying itself in the front with a large red bow. She opened her eyes, pupils disappearing leaving behind hazel brown color. Grasping the silver rod in front of her, it sprung to life, growing longer, ending one each side with a pink metal, the bottom was pointed. One top the pink turned gold, forming a crescent moon shape, inside the shape appeared a red orb. Two perforated gold tubes appeared at the joint of the pink and gold metals, letting out steam.
“Oh frig, we have yet another Replaced Device. I guess it makes sense, since the real RH would be with Nanoha.” Ari looked at the ever-so-slowly appearing Barrier Jacket.
The leotard had become a replica of the Japanese 2012 women’s gymnastics leotard. Over that, a bolt of blue-lined white fabric had appeared and conked Golemnoha on the head, not that the ceramic Character Replacement noticed. Next was a matched set of plates, with a rather pretty blue line going around the edge of the dish, padlocked to her shoulders. Knotted around Goldemnoha’s waist was a blue, leather belt with a windbreaker hanging around her knees, overlapped by a frilly skirt. Underneath those were a pair of boots, which against all reason started at her ankles and ended above her knees, while blue metal wrapped around her bare foot. Tying both her hands together was a single white glove and a blue band of metal. As with Alyxx’s costume, the pupils of her eyes vanished, and the normally-blue color was changed into a eye-aching brown-hazel color.
“Wow, I think that outfit makes even less sense than Alyxx’s!” said Corolla brightly. “At least Chro--sorry, Crono, gets a decent outfit. Though really, sneakers on Yuuno? They both already have perfectly fine Barrier Jackets, too.”
“I hardly call plate metal on joints ‘decent,’ unless you mean ‘marginally more sensible and canonical than what Golemnoha and Alyxx are wearing’. Sergio, correct me if I’m wrong, but did Sakura have the power to change her clothes?”
Sergio gritted his teeth. “She certainly did not. All her clothes were made with perfectly mundane materials, at the one-hundred-percent-unmagical hands of Tomoyo. And she could certainly fly better than that!” He yelled at the Words, which reported that Sakura had landed on her bum. The agents quickly portalled in, and stopped cold.
“Oh my god, what is that?” hissed Nikki.
“It’s like if a squid mated with a snail!” replied Ari in horror. “And then was purple!”
Corolla ran through the Words. “It’s--an Octorok? From Legend of Zelda? The canon quarantine must be breaking down. This is really not good, do any of you know anything about the Legend of Zelda canon?”
Tera shrugged. “Just what I’ve read in other missions, and this one seems to have some kind of otherworld portal in it. Um, I do remember reading that sometimes agents will bring home random monsters--maybe we could donate it to an OFU or something? Anyways, we can deal with it later. Maybe the Sue will destroy it.”
That drew their attention back to the narration. “OK, fine. I guess the Sailors are really trusting, or something? And really, the least you could do is call her ‘Sailor Moon’, Alyxx. Or odango, which is really more accurate than ‘meatball’, at least,” muttered Corolla.
“Wait, what does she mean, they lost Mars, Jupiter, and Pluto?! Aren’t those people, you know, your teammates? If they got eaten by that thing, you should be MUCH more worried about them, not nonchalant!” yelled Ari.
The agents watched the action for a minute, catching up on their charge list, since none of them knew very much about Sailor Moon. “Great, so Alyxx can do some kind of all-your-attacks-at-once thing. That’s not overpowered or something. At least we’re near the end of the chapter,” remarked Sergio, as the Sue blasted the monster into smithereens. “I hope that Sailor Moon’s teammates weren’t still in there. Otherwise, congratulations, Sue! You just killed a couple of the planet’s saviors.” Ari nodded in agreement, before her eyes were drawn to a figure who had just teleported in.
"I'm surprised you could handle the Devorad." A high pitched female voice said, Alyxx's eyes shifted to the top of a light pole, and standing there was figure, that should have been dead a long time ago.
"Alicia…."
“Oh, no she isn’t. I am not going to deal with this again. It’s probably just one of her OCs, with a canonical name, right? Right.” Ari snarled through gritted teeth. But despite her denial, standing atop a lamppost was Alicia Testarossa, nine years old, alive as anything.
“Why is she wearing a white and green outfit? The last Alicia didn’t have that.” recalled Nikki.
Corolla scanned more holograms. “It’s her costume/Barrier Jacket from this new Nanoha AU manga. The other Alicia didn’t have it because she didn’t transform, but I guess this one is looking to battle.” The chapter quickly changed. “Quick, Sergio, before the chapter starts up, scan her.”
[Evilicia Testarossa. Character ReplacoriginalcanonnoncanonCHARACTERANALYSISDEVICESETUP!] With that, the device melted into a puddle on the concrete. Sergio, luckily, had dropped it when it started sparking.
“And I thought C-CADs were supposed to be more reliable... well, it’s not like this is a normal badfic either. I can understand it.”
Then, something else dawned on him.
“Ari, just how freaking many of you are there around?”
The blonde rubbed her forehead. “Well, if you want to get philosophical, just one. But it seems like bringing Alicia back from the dead and evil is going to be some new trend. But if this is a Character Replacement, we’re not killing her. I mean, in this fic ‘evil’ means ‘opposing the Sue’, so she’s recruitable, right?” Ari seemed more focused on reassuring herself than her teammates. Nikki patted her on the shoulders.
“I can understand you. I have to turn away every time Sergio kills a Sakura replacement, you know? Besides, it doesn’t seem that Evilicia is going to have much of a charge list, so we shouldn’t have trouble recruiting her.”
"Shocked?" The girl known as Alicia asked, cocking her head to one side. "Good. It'll make killing you that much easier" her face contorted to seriousness, she gripped the shadowed, ax-like device she held with both hands in an attack position. The gray/black cape she wore swayed in the wind.
Ari rubbed her hands together. “A girl after my own heart, in more ways than one. Pity the Suethor gave her a grack cape, but that hardly matters.” Ari grinned with glee. “Even if she does attack Yuuno, she’s still a competent fighter. Pity he’s too Suefluenced to remember that he excels in shields and binds, not close-combat fighting, though.”
"How could I forget?" she sounded playful despite the look on her face. "These will keep you busy!" she said snapping her fingers, no later than a second after, black lightning struck the gorund, forming faceless, humanoid statues that charged the group. "Now for you." She said lockign eyes with Alyxx. "Shadow void creation" somehow a bubble of pure shadow formed around them, they could see what was going on outside, and the outside could see in. "This will serve as our battlefield, and in case your wondering, yes this space is pure shadow." She said, shifting herself back into a battle stance.
“Pure--shadow--but I can still see perfectly!” yelled Tera. “Even if ‘dark’ is an element in this screwed-up universe, this at the very least she should have realized that sight should be impossible!”
Sergio took a flashlight from his utility belt and tried to turn it on. The filament in the bulb glowed, but no light was coming out of the protection glass. The only visible area was in a twenty-meter radius around the Sue, and the agents stood at the very edge.
“Interesting. The shadow void is indeed capable of absorbing light. I guess Alyxx’s Sueness is counteracting its effects.”
“So... We have to thank a Sue, for once?” Corolla asked, herself not believing what she had just said.
“Hardly. She’s the one who created this messed-up void in the first place,” snorted Ari. “What I find weird is that Alicia over there just palette-swapped.” Sure enough, the cheerful colors of Evilicia’s costume had switched in accordance with her new role as a villain, the white becoming a dark grey, the greens turning red, and the blue switching to black. Ari took a closer look at the machine in Alicia’s hands--true to its ‘ax-like’ descriptor, it looked like a short battle-ax, with its blade replaced by curved, black metal, with shadowy tendrils curling around the blade. “Though I do admit, it is a nice, ominous look. Much better than what Alyxx has on.”
“Well, I doubt she’ll get to seriously use that ax. Alyxx has resolved to use low-power weapons and not use whatever ‘Burst Mode’ is, so Alicia there’s probably gonna get curb-stomped.” As Tera said this, Alyxx’s tacky device quickly changed into--
“Is that Zanber Form? Fate’s special weapon?” hissed Sergio.
Corolla grimaced. “No, Fate’s was less tacky and looked cooler.”
'She's waiting for me to make the first attack, and she has a counter attack waiting' Alyxx returned to her stance, gripping the zanbir firmly. "The so be it" she sighed and charged forward, holding the zanbir above her shoulder, ready to bring it down. She saw Alicia move, a energy radiating from her hands. Alicia attacked, hitting Alyxx, except she vanished after the attack. "Surprise!" Alyxx came from behind, bringing the zanbir down on the girl, knocking her to the floor.
Ari slapped her forehead. “So, Alyxx waltzes straight into a trap, Alicia attacks as she should and teleports away--yet Alyxx somehow hits her from behind when she wasn’t--even--there?!”
“I think it was supposed to mean that Alyxx vanished, even though that’s something she shouldn’t be able to--never mind.”
"Damn You!" Alicia yelled bringin her leg up to kick Alyxx, it landed, hitting her square in the breastbone. Alyxx only staggered back.
Alyxx grinned a little. 'For once I'm glad to have watermelons attached to my chest
All the agents stared, barely noticing the fact that Alyxx now had enormous melons growing out of her torso, enough to feed an army. “Wha--huh--no. No, no, no. You cannot block a freaking direct kick to the sternum by having enormous boobs. It does not work that way. That. Makes. No. Sense,” snarled out Ari. She gritted her teeth and turned around to face the darkness, ignoring the pitched battle below her.
“Ari, are you OK?” asked Nikki.
She sighed and stared into the void. “No, I’m not. I mean, I’m looking at someone who’s not only myself, but a child too, in the middle of a battle with a Sue who’s lobotomized my Lust Object and replaced the characters of my home canon with golems and evil twins. Why would I be OK?”
Sergio sighed and directed her sight back to the action. “Well, she seems to have some decent moves.”
Alicia shouted, placing her wrists together, in the center bloomed sparks of black lightning. "Try this one! Dark Thunder!" She swung it formard and it erupted, immediately striking Alyxx. She fell, feeling drained opf energy.
Ari nodded, impressed somewhat. “True, that is kinda impressive. Pity it just makes Alyxx do exactly what she said she wouldn’t do, and hit her with a powerful attack.”
'Damn this is the same technique that merged with the white mage's divine buster, it killed my mother, luckily it sent us to Al-Hazard. If I get hit without some sort of counter, its over.'
Sergio grinned a little as he scooped up divine buster. “Ari, did you have this many expositional thoughts in your original fic?”
Ari glared at him. “Quiet! I want to see Alicia’s attack outclass the Sue’s!”
"Terra Force!" Sh elaunched the attack.
"Night Lightning!" No more than a second later Alicia launched her own attack.
Both attacks collided, birsting into smoke from the impact, it was unsure which one had more strength. When the smoke cleared, Alyxx fell to one knee, Alicia took this as the initiative to strike, launchin gtoward Alyxx at incredible speeds.
Ari was on the edge of her metaphorical seat, grinning with an unholy glee. “Yes... hit her where it hurts!”
“Uh, Ari, I think you’re getting a little obsessed...”
“Hush, Tera.”
From outside the ring, this was all seen by a pair of ruby eyes, belonging to a mage in black and red. "Plasma Smasher" She said, and used her own device to smash orbs of elctricity into the orb of shadows, makin gand flew in, just as Alicia was about to hit.
Alyxx braced herself for the impact. She waited for the hit, charging a sphere of aura as a counter attack. Instead she heard the clang of metal hitting metal. Looking up she saw the dark blonde hair and black cape of the ruby eyed mage.
[Fate Testaruby. Jewel Golem. Character Replacement. Shiny eyes.]
“I thought that thing melted!” hissed Corolla.
Tera checked. “Sorry, it’s mine. Still, if this Alyxx needs to have Fate intervene, then this might not be as hard as we thought!”
“Don’t tempt the Ironic Overpower,” muttered Ari. “Stupid replacement, and Alicia was just about to beat her, too...”
"Alyxx, call out your staff. We need to perform a power convergence" Sh said, her voice pitched lower than her twin.
"Can't ket you do that, dear sister. Your Alyxx is slated for death!" Alicia pushed forward, hitting Fate in the side with her electrical energy.
“Well, that’s an interesting effect. At least we don’t need to worry about giving Alicia an age-up.” Sergio said, looking at the suddenly-14 Evilicia. “Really, they may be genetically identical, but even if Fate is not only several years older physically, and Alicia is older chronologically, that doesn’t even out them being the same age.” Sergio frowned at the suddenly spawned mini-Sue exxellior. Almost absentmindedly, he pulled out his silenced submachine gun and put a bullet through the mini-Sue head as Fate Testaruby and Alyxx began to combine their attacks. “Hmph, Blast Calamity is supposed to be a combination attack between Nanoha and Fate. She can’t cast it on her own, even if it is supposed to somehow combine with Alyxx’s attack.”
The dust settled down, and Alicia still stood, shakily, holding one arm in injury, her device was dropped to ground next to her.
"It'll take a lot more than that pitiful display to defeat me" Alicia said, nearly losing her voice. 'return to me!' a voice sounded in her head. "But that'll have to wait until next time, Ciao" She slashed a hole in the air, and vanished through it .
Ari jumped up as Evilicia vanished. “After her!” She opened a portal and jumped through it without waiting to see if the others followed. They emerged into a ruined city. Any ominousness the city had was lost when the agents noticed that the structures had been made out of Generic Surface.
“Welcome to Al-Hazard, I suppose,” muttered Sergio.
Ari shrugged and looked around. Then, remembering who she was searching for, she looked up. Sure enough, standing on top of a lamppost was Evilicia. Ari called up to her.
“Hey! Can you come down here?”
Evilicia looked shocked. “Fate? No--who are you?”
Ari winced. “My name’s Ari. I--well, it’s hard to explain. Essentially, I’m you, but sort of a different version of you, if that makes sense. Come down here and I can explain it to you.” Evilicia jumped down and landed gracefully next to the agents.
Ari took a deep breath. “Well, to make a long story short, this is a story. You know when you’re reading a book or something, and you feel like it’s so real?”
Alicia nodded slowly.
“Well, that’s because it kinda is. And when people make up stories of their own, that take place inside the fiction, that story sort of overtakes the universe. Now, sometimes this fan-fiction--that’s what we call the fan-made stories--are really great! But some, like this one, are kinda terrible.”
“Kinda? You were all foaming at the mouth earlier!” chuckled Tera.
“That’s beside the point. Anyways, we, the agents of the Protectors of the Plot Continuum, enter these stories to assassinate the main Sues and repair canon. In this case, it’s Alyxx.”
Evilicia groaned. “Her. I hate her! She makes no sense! How did she manage to beat me? I was so, so careful to make my shadow void, but Fate still got in!” The girl stamped her foot angrily.
Sergio nodded. “Exactly. Logic doesn’t apply to Sue-kind, and that’s why we have to kill them. Do you want to help us in our fight?”
Evilicia grinned. “If it means getting even with her? Oh, yes.”