Note: The PPC was originally created by Jay and Acacia. The fanfics being sporked (dead space sega style, Feeling Sorry, and WHEEL OF TRAGETY) were originally written by sonadowlover1996, ImSpidey2, and gamemaster04 (respectively). Sonic the Hedgehog is copyright Sega, Dead Space is copyright EA Games and Visceral Games, Mario is copyright Nintendo, and Banjo-Kazooie is copyright Rare Ltd. Florestan and Eusabius are originally property of Robert Schumann, but on virtue of being dead for a hundred and fifty five years, they now belong to me.
Mission 10: City Escape
In which Florestan and Eusabius tackle three badfics in a row.
Florestan picked up the controller, shaking in an extremely giddy manner as the first loading screen of the game came up.
“Oh my God, this is gonna be so incredibly awesome!” he muttered to himself in excitement. “Oh, Mass Effect 3 is finally here!”
He nearly jumped off from where he was sitting on the couch in his excitement. On the table situated at the far side of the room, Shumann looked on, glaring at Florestan in mild distaste. The game booted up, and then the initial cutscene played.
The door to the bedroom opened, and Florestan smiled as the cutscene continued playing.
“Oh hi Eusabius,” said Florestan. “I can’t believe it’s here!”
“Neither can I,” replied the older agent. “As much as I would like to stay and watch, however… I have places I need to be.”
Florestan turned to where Eusabius was standing. The young man twisted in his couch, and looked right at his partner. He opened his mouth...
...and whatever Florestan had to say instantly died when he noticed that Eusabius was not in his usual DIC uniform.
Eusabius was dressed in unusual clothing that Florestan had not quite gotten used to. Instead of his black shirt, Eusabius was wearing some strange kind of white shirt with several pockets. It was such an odd shirt that Florestan barely noticed that Eusabius was wearing khaki pants.
Florestan looked down at the pants, and then he looked back up at Eusabius, who was buttoning the final buttons of his shirt. Florestan thought he could see some chest hairs right before Eusabius buttoned the shirt up.
“Uh… that’s… a strange shirt,” said Florestan.
“They call it a guayabera,” Eusabius replied as he pulled on the sleeves of his shirt slightly. “It is a shirt that comes from Cuba.”
“Why the change in wardrobe?”
Eusabius smiled. “Well, I have... things to do today,” he said. “Mostly with Zerenze, you see….”
Florestan frowned. “Really?” he asked. “What sort of ‘things’?”
“Very important things,” said Eusabius. “I shall be heading over there in a minute, actually.”
Florestan frowned. “Don’t you think you’re overdressing for that?” he asked.
Eusabius shook his head. “I do not believe so.” He shrugged. “I would honestly be more worried about the fact that you are missing a cutscene if I were you.”
The younger agent jolted where he sat, turning his attention back to the screen in front of him. Shumann snickered at this, as Florestan watched the scene change to a child flying a model of the Normandy SR-2.
“Yeah, I almost missed stuff,” he said. “Thanks for that.” He smiled. “Oh, man, I finally got a hold of this game, and we’re finally off to do stuff! And now, I’ll have all the time in the world to—!”
[BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE—]
“Oh, fuck you, Ironic Overpower!”
Florestan nearly tossed the controller at the wall. As soon as he set the controller on the couch, though, he was up and running over to the console. Eusabius blinked in surprise, pausing where he had been buttoning the last button of his guayabera.
“What is it for?” asked Eusabius.
Florestan approached the console, and upon hitting the accept button he read over the mission parameters. “Well… it’s a Sonic the Hedgehog crossov…” He blinked, leaning closer. “No. It’s not a Sonic the Hedgehog crossover. It’s three of them!”
Eusabius froze where he stood, his eyes widening in shock. Shumann noticed this, and shifted its posture upon noticing that Eusabius’ eyes were wider than usual. “Three of them?” asked Eusabius. “How… how do the Flowers expect us to do them all so quickly?”
“Well, they’re apparently short,” said Florestan. “Short enough and with few enough issues to tackle in one go, apparently. Still… this isn’t good.” He turned to Eusabius. “Get the DORKS and all that other stuff. We have things we need to do, and we need to do them fast.”
“You will receive no argument there,” said Eusabius as he rushed over to pick up his bag of holding. “We should hurry, do this as fast as possible.”
“Yeah, we probably should,” said Florestan as he set the disguise generator. “We have a lot of work to do. C’mon, let’s go.” Florestan opened the portal quickly. “I didn’t get this game just to—”
Before Florestan could say anything else, Eusabius dashed right past Florestan and into the portal. Florestan stopped from where he had been moving towards the portal, startled at how quickly Eusabius had run through it. He frowned, looking over to where Shumann was resting on the table.
“Wasn’t he on the other side of the room just now?” asked Florestan.
Shumann simply shrugged, turning around so that it was facing the wall opposite Florestan.
The DIC agent shook his head. “Fine, be that way.”
With this, he stepped into the portal after Eusabius.
----**----
LETS ENTER DEAD SPACE SEGA SYLE…..(YES BOTH OF THEM R IN HER ALL THE NECROMORPHS)
Florestan and Eusabius stepped into the fic. They barely had time to get used to their new anthropomorphic hedgehog disguises before the first part of the author’s note faded out of existence. All around them, the scenery took on a rather odd, bodily smell. The walls seemed to become more... organic in nature, as if they had wound up in between two walls of flesh.
The DIC agent groaned. “Lovely,” he said. “I don’t know what we’re inside now, but I really don’t like the smell or the look of it...”
“I guess it is better not to ask such a question,” said Eusabius as he felt his new quills and how they sloped sharply downward from where they were on his head.
Florestan gave Eusabius the most perplexed look he could manage. “Yeah, I don’t thin—”
(IM SKIPING ALL THE HOW IT STARTED BULLSHIT AND HOW I GOT HERE BULLCRAP IF U PLAYED THE GAME U KNOW HOW EVERTHING HAPPENED IF U HAVENT THEN THAT SUCKS SOO SENSE IM NICE JUST REVIEW AND ASK ME I DON'T OWN DEAD SPACE AND I REALLY DON'T OWN SEGA YES SEGA WITCH MEANS "SONIC" and me will be in the story yay OK LETS GET STARTED!;D)
Both of the agents were interrupted by the quick author’s note that appeared. Florestan looked up and frowned, his jaw opening and closing quickly.
“Actually, we do not,” said Eusabius plainly. “Especially considering that the other continuum is in there now, we do not have the slightest idea of what exactly happened, and to suggest that we know what happened is snobbish.”
“Yeah, really,” said Florestan as Eusabius pulled out the charge notebook and marked it as a charge. “And on top of that, he has the nerve to say he’s nice. I’d hate to see this guy when he’s being intentionally mean.”
(me)grimmie:mmmmmm what just happened?
Sonic: I don't know but god my heads killing
(The World shifts uncomfortably. Before Florestan and Eusabius have a chance to gain their bearings, they watch as Sonic’s spikes suddenly morph into a bunch of pointed sticks. They begin stabbing the air, and much to the agents’ chagrin they start stabbing and killing everything they come into contact with. Upon this happening, the flesh-like walls suddenly transform into a completely different material. The walls become steel-grey, like what one would see on the U.S.G. Ishimura.)
Florestan: (groans in disdain) Great, another Sonic the Hedgehog fic which uses script format.
Eusabius: (checks the Words, and looks back to Florestan) On the bright side, this particular fic has the decency to stick to one format through the duration.
Florestan: Oh. Well, that’s a relief. (wipes his forehead) If this had been like that other mission…
Eusabius: I scarcely think we need a reminder of that. (looks at Grimmie) This… “Grimmie” character is unfamiliar to me. I assume he is a Gary Stu?
Florestan: Looks like it. I wonder what his rapport with the canon characters is like.
Tails:asses remember the ship crashed in the side of the eishimorra (hard ass name to spell so sorry)
Grimmie:damn tails u sure know how to be a bitch don't u?
Tails: and u sure know how to piss me off don't u?
Sonic:GUYS!
Tails/grimmie:sorry
(A mini-Hunter appears close to Eusabius. Florestan grumbles at the appearance of the mini, but then frowns as he looks up to Grimmie.)
Florestan: So in other words, Grimmie is a complete bitch to the other Sonic canons. Lovely. I’ll be cooking the popcorn at his funeral, then.
Eusabius: Perhaps not in such a manner, but I know what you are aiming at. (writes some more charges) I should add a text-speak charge in there. It is quite unnerving to see the letter ‘u’ misappropriated so much. (looks to Florestan) Do you think we can attempt to move this along? I worry that I might miss my appointment with Zerenze.
Florestan: You? Worry? (scoffs) That’s something new. (shrugs) Ah, well. Let’s see what else happens here. (walks over to Eusabius, picks up the mini-Hunter, and sets it on his shoulder.)
Tails:ok we need to fine a away to this other room
Sonic:yea….hmmmmmmm how about….ah here we go grimmie u think u can crack the lock with ur S.E.G.A cell ?
Grimmie:mmmaaaayyyybbbbeeee fat ass chance though*unlocks do sees something run in the darkness*
Florestan: (frowns, looking at the S.E.G.A. Cell in Grimmie’s hand) S.E.G.A. Cell? What does that do?
Eusabius: Something that I assume the Stu decided was not worth bringing up in any of this so-called ‘how it started bullshit’ he conveniently skipped. (writes down a charge) I think it will function according to how the plot says it should.
Florestan: Yeah. I mean, look at it, it can’t decide what it wants to look like! (Indicates the S.E.G.A. Cell, which morphs in appearance between several different cell phone models at once.)
Sonic:what was that thing?
Tails:I don't know…but whatever it is from the sounds I hear its not human!(well u know what I mean not friendly crap 3)
Florestan: (cracks his knuckles) Oh, we know what you mean alright. Trust us, it’s not them you should be worried about.
Grimmie:from the blood that's all on the floor that thing damn sure isn't friendly!
Sonic:get ur gear ready and ur guns for anything alright!
Grimmie/tails: hehehe no need to tell us we been ready from the start
Sonic:u know u guys sure work good together when ur not fighting
Florestan: You know, I’m wondering where Isaac is right now.
Eusabius: As am I. Do you think this has almost nothing to do with Dead Space?
Florestan: I wouldn’t be surprised. I mean, watch, this is going to upstage that canon really soon.
Grimmie:ya we kn- rrraaaaaghh!
Sonic/tails/grimmie:THE FUCK WAS THAT!
Necromorph:! (IM GOING TO EAT UR FUCKING FLESH !)*runs to us trying to kill us*
Sonic/Tails/GRIMMMIE:WTF! *BOOOM* *BOOM* *BOOOM* *BOOM*
(Florestan’s eye twitches. Eusabius looks at the necromorph in surprise, quickly jotting it down as a charge in his notebook. Florestan’s neck tightens, and then he balls his hands into a pair of fists.)
Florestan: Did a necromorph just talk? (steps forward) Did a necromorph, which we’ve only ever seen communicate in grunts and whines, just talk to something!? What the bloody hell is that? Necromorphs never freaking talk! Ever! And here’s this Necromorph being all ‘oh, look at me, I’m gonna eat your fucking flesh and I’m gonna tell you that like you don’t know what a zombie does’! Good Christ, man! That’s just… Gah, I have no words to describe how stupid that is!
Eusabius: Yes, that is quite egregious. But there is also the issue of the use of guns. (indicates Sonic and Tails) While it is true that Shadow the Hedgehog did use guns in his game, it would not be very in character for Sonic and Tails to do so. (looks at his watch nervously) Florestan, do you think there is anything else we must do here? We do have two more fics to tackle before we are done here.
Florestan: You’re getting a bit antsy about this thing you’ve got with Zerenze. What’s the hurry?
Eusabius: It is important. Does it matter why it is important?
Florestan: Well, it’s just odd to see from you is all. Normally you’re more relaxed during these missions. I mean, hell, you’re even chilling a little bit here with all this stuff.
Eusabius: I am actually in quite a hurry. Do you think it is possible to end this fic as quickly as possible?
Florestan: Dude, Eusabius, chill out. It’s like you’re going to be late to the salon or something like that. Just chill out, everything’ll be all right. Besides, portals travel through space and time, remember? You’ll be fine!
Eusabius: That is true... (sighs) I only hope you are right, Florestan.
5 min later
Sonic:y the fuck wont he stay the fuck down
Tails:hmmmmm *boom**boom* *boom* hahaha there we go that's there weak spot knew ill find it
Sonic/grimmie:what!
Tails:there limbs!
Sonic/grimmie: -3- -3-…..what?
Tails:-_-ll y do I even bother…limbs my less smart friends r ur head,legs and arms
(Florestan promptly facepalms.)
Florestan: Sonic doesn’t know what limbs are? Sonic the Hedgehog, who is the fastest thing alive and knows when his legs are in trouble, doesn’t know what limbs are!? (shakes his head) You know what, Eusabius? I’ve changed my mind. Let’s get this first fic over with. If this is the kind of douchebaggery that we’re gonna have to deal with throughout this entire fic, I want to move on now before it gets out of hand.
Eusabius: (smiles) Thank you. Let us finish this.
Sonic/grimmie:oooohhhhhhhh…well then now that we know there weak spot
Florestan: (coughs. To Sonic:) Sonic, you should know what limbs are. I mean, hello, you’re the fastest thing alive!
(Sonic, Tails, and Grimmie all turn to Florestan. They are surprised to see someone else standing there, even as Grimmie assumes an offensive stance.)
Grimmie: and who the fuck r u?
Eusabius: We, Grimmie, are agents of the Protectors of the Plot Continuum. And we charge you with having extremely snobby author’s notes, butchering the English language, using textspeak, using script format, being a bastard to the characters and still somehow remaining friends with them, creation of minis, creation of a S.E.G.A. Cell that seemingly does whatever the plot demands, causing a necromorph to speak, having Tails and Sonic wield guns, being a self-insert, creation of an implausible crossover that only has superficial ties at best to one of the continua being crossed over, having an almost excruciatingly dumb name, and being a Gary Stu.
Florestan: And yes, that means we have to kill you now.
Grimmie: wat da fuck?
Sonic: ur not gonna harm grimmie!
Florestan: Kid, please. We’ve killed many people like him in our time. And he’s going to be no different. (pulls out his geth pulse rifle) I’m the one with the bigger gun, after all.
Grimmie: o plz i can own you ass any day bring it bich
(Florestan shoots Grimmie. The Stu goes down, a shocked expression resting on his face as Sonic and Tails look on in surprise. They both look at Florestan warily, before they suddenly seem to notice that something was wrong.)
The World then shifted, and everybody in the room blinked in surprise.
“Hey, what was that?” asked Sonic.
Florestan looked around, briefly noting the rather drab architecture around them and how terribly Sonic and Tails fit in with it before turning to the two canons.
“Long story,” said Florestan. As Eusabius picked up the discarded S.E.G.A. Cell, Florestan lifted the neuralyzer. “But if you’ll look this way…”
Expecting an explanation, Sonic and Tails turned to Florestan. So when Florestan activated the neuralyzer, it left them fairly dazed. “All right,” said Florestan. “You are Sonic and Tails. You have never gone to the Ishimura, you have never fought necromorphs, and you have never met anyone named Grimmie. Now, you have other things you need to be part of, so get to it.”
Eusabius opened a portal. Sonic and Tails looked around with a dazed glance before both of them entered through the portal. As they stepped through the portal, a new Suefluence seemed to take a hold of them, and so they ran off. Eusabius quickly closed the portal, re-opening it in a different part of the room.
“Anything we should take care of here before we leave?” asked Eusabius.
“Well, Isaac Clarke isn’t here, so we don’t have to take care of him,” said Florestan. “There were also supposed to be a couple other OC’s, but given that they didn’t actually appear before we killed the Stu, I think we’ll be fine on that front. So really… the only thing I can think of is the Stu’s body.” They both looked at Grimmie’s body. “We could always just space the body. You’re gonna have to be quick about it. We don’t want the room to be drained of all its—”
The portal opened beneath Grimmie’s body before Florestan could say much else. Suddenly, all the air in the room seemed to get sucked out, Grimmie’s body going especially quickly. With a loud yelp, Florestan instinctually grabbed on to a nearby pipe, even as Eusabius felt himself get pulled close to the portal. Before Eusabius could be spaced, however, he had managed to close the portal through the RA. When the portal closed, the room suddenly became still, a strange silence taking over the room. Florestan panted wildly, glancing at Eusabius with shocked eyes.
“J… Jesus Christ Eusabius!” said Florestan. “You should’ve warned me first!”
“I do wish to be on time to my commitment with Zerenze,” Eusabius stated.
“Yeah, but you nearly spaced us in the process!” said Florestan. “Jeez, if you’re going to do something like that, warn me next time! I know we were gonna do it eventually, but still! You could’ve gotten us killed without the warning! And then where would we be?”
“Somewhere,” said Eusabius as he opened a portal to the next fic. “We have two more fics to go through. I suggest we move through them quickly.”
And with this, Eusabius stepped through the portal. The rushed manner with which Eusabius moved through surprised Florestan quite a bit, and whatever anger he had at Eusabius vanished rather quickly.
Florestan let go of the pipe, standing up and looking at the portal.
“Hmm...” Florestan rubbed his chin. “Could it be...?” Florestan looked down. “Well, he and Zerenze do get along rather well, so...”
Florestan smiled. “Aha! It must be a date he set up with Zerenze!” The younger agent couldn’t help but smirk at this. “Of course!” He crossed his arms. “Well, it’s not worth nearly spacing me over, but... I can understand his hurry.” He shrugged. “He’ll be on time, I think. Portals are weird like that.”
And with this, Florestan stepped through the portal.
----**----
When Florestan stepped through the portal, the pre-fic space had already formed into a stereotypical high school. Eusabius was standing close by a row of lockers, looking around the hallway for any sign of the canons. The author’s note was booming overhead, and it ended right as Florestan walked over to Eusabius.
“So, what have we got this time?” asked Florestan.
“Mario universe crossover,” said Eusabius. “There is an original character involved this time. One, ‘Sharon Koopa’, I believe.”
“I see,” said Florestan. “So, what’re we looking at now?”
The agents watched as Bowser Jr. walked onto the scene.
Bowser Jr. was walking innocently when Silver, Yoshi and Shadow appeared.
"Well, well, well, if it isn't the little brat!" Shadow said, shoving Bowser Jr. to the floor.
Almost instantly, Florestan and Eusabius felt themselves get shoved to the center of the hallway by an invisible force. They were not the only ones that felt this force, however, for the other canon characters were suddenly pulled to the center of the hallway as well. Florestan instinctively stepped back, watching as Sonic and Tails materialized in the hallway. At the end, Florestan made the distinct realization that he, Eusabius, and the canons were all standing in what amounted to an extremely disparate single-file line in the center of the corridor.
“W-what just happened?” asked Florestan.
Eusabius quickly checked the Words, nodding as he looked back to Florestan. “This entire fic is centered,” he stated. “This is… odd…”
“Yep,” said Florestan as he turned his attention back to the group in question. “This looks like an anti-bullying fanfic. Not sure how we’re going to deal with the fact that it’s aligned to the center all the time, but we’ll see.”
"No, don't bully him!" Sonic said.
"You're gonna upset him!" Tails said.
"Oh, shut up. I'll do whatever I want. You can't boss the Ultimate Lifeform around!" Shadow growled.
"Yeah!" Yoshi said.
Florestan groaned. “All right, Ted Turner, where are you?” he asked to one of the lockers at the end of the hallway. “We all know you wrote this dialogue. I mean, c’mon, it sounds like the typical exchange between a young teenager and a Captain Planet villain.”
“Yes, it does,” said Eusabius. “It may not matter where he is hiding, but if we are already using the Captain Planet comparisons, we might need to watch out for anvils.” He looked up at the ceiling briefly. “They can come from everywhere, you know.”
Florestan frowned. “Uh, what?”
Eusabius shrugged, turning his attention back to the fic. “You will understand in time,” he replied as he crossed his arms. “We have other things to take care of, no?”
The younger agent sighed, turning back to the fic’s events. “I’ll just pretend I understood that and go on with my life.”
Shadow stepped on Junior's stomach.
"Now...Let's cause pain." Shadow laughed.
Florestan cringed as Bowser Jr. was suddenly set on his spikes, giving Shadow the perfect opportunity to step on the young koopa’s stomach. Bowser Jr. yelped in obvious pain, even as Florestan and Eusabius looked on.
“Good Lord,” said Florestan in shock. “These have to be the most clichéd and over the top bullies ever!”
“I can think of other examples of such characters,” said Eusabius. “That does not change the facts, however. I think it is safe to assume that this Sharon Koopa is most likely not a Sue, seeing as how she is not the main focus.”
“Yeah, doesn’t look that way to me either.” The younger agent crossed his arms. “So what do we do with her?”
“I say we see her first appearance and take it from there,” said Eusabius. “Might it be possible to move this faster? I may be late to my—”
“—Function with Zerenze, I know,” said Florestan. He waved his hand dismissively, turning his attention to the action. “Trust me, I belie—”
Yoshi put Junior on the floor shell-first, and kicked him, making him spin around.
Yoshi simply picked up Bowser Jr. before placing him back on the floor, the spikes on his shell resting on the tile floor. When the dinosaur kicked the young koopa, an ear-splitting screeching sound was heard from the way the spikes on the young koopa’s shell ground against the tile floor. This effectively interrupted Florestan, who covered his ears from the loud screeching. Eusabius did the same, briefly reminded how similar it sounded to the sound of chalk being scratched across a blackboard.
The sound eventually stopped, leaving both of the DIC agents to look at the bullies as the young koopa came to a halt.
“Jesus Christ on a pikestaff,” said Florestan. “What the hell was that?”
“I believe you know the answer to your own question,” said Eusabius. “I must admit, that is a sound that I wish I never have to hear again.”
Florestan clicked his tongue, rolling his eyes. “Oh, you and me both, Eusabius,” he said. “You and me both.”
"I can't believe how ruthlessly cruel they're being to that poor kid!" Sonic said.
"Stop it, Shadow! You're making a big mistake!" Tails said.
Florestan turned his attention to Sonic and Tails. “Well, you know, you know how ruthlessly cruel Shadow is being,” said Florestan. “So why don’t you, I dunno, intervene? It shouldn’t be that hard to get these three to back off!”
“You would be surprised how that thought does not occur to them,” said Eusabius as he inched forward.
Silver helped Junior up.
"Thank you, Silver!" Junior said.
"You're unwelcome!" Silver then stepped on Junior's foot with that.
"OWWW!" Junior sat down and held his foot. He was crying.
Yoshi slapped Junior in the face with his tongue.
The three then laughed at Junior's pain and they walked away.
Florestan frowned. “And meanwhile, Sonic and Tails just sit there doing jack all about the fact that three character replacements are beating the shit out of a little kid,” he said with an angry tone of voice.
“I may point out that we are standing here doing nothing,” said Eusabius. “Does that make us horrible people?”
Florestan squinted. “Well… actually, I think we’ve got enough to show that these guys are character replacements,” said the younger agent. “I don’t think any of them is that much of a prick, and on top of that I have no idea what the hell this is supposed to do with either of these two continua.”
“I believe we are in agreement there,” said Eusabius as he pulled out the RA. He held it to Florestan, who took the object with a surprising amount of force. “Silver is not a bully by any stretch of the imagination according to the Sonic canon, Yoshi is always helpful and never mean, and while Shadow is a little on the cold side he would never beat little children just because he can.”
“Yeah, I figured as much,” said Florestan as he inputted more coordinates. “I’m going to go beat those replacements so hard their own over-the-top villain speeches will make sense to them.”
The portal opened, and Florestan stepped through. The portal closed behind him as Eusabius turned his attention back to Sonic and Tails.
"Poor kid..." Sonic said.
"I feel sorry for him." Tails said.
They walked away.
Eusabius shook his head. “This is also uncharacteristically passive of them,” he said to himself as he grabbed the neuralyzer from the bag of holding. He spared a glance at Bowser Jr. before shaking his head in regret. “I apologize, Bowser Jr., but unfortunately there are larger forces at work. I hope you understand my inability to help you at this time.”
He followed Sonic and Tails as Bowser Jr. limped away exactly as he did in the fic. Eusabius had to jump over the young Koopa as he found that he could not walk around the koopa kid. But as soon as he did, Eusabius continued on, following Sonic and Tails. When they were of sufficient distance, Eusabius coughed. He briefly noted the white gloves on his hands as Tails and Sonic turned to face him.
“Is there a reason you are so glum?” asked Eusabius.
“We just saw a kid get beaten up,” said Sonic.
“His feelings were hurt,” added Tails.
“I see,” said Eusabius. He readied the neuralyzer, and lifted it up to their eye level. “Look this way, please.”
Sonic and Tails did what they were told, right as Eusabius shut his eyes and activated the neuralyzer. “Very well. You are Sonic and Tails. You do not know anyone named Bowser Jr. or Yoshi, Silver is not mean, and Shadow does not harm anything unless he has a good reason to.” The older agent looked around nervously. “Now, uh...”
Much to his relief, Florestan appeared, wearing a scowl on his face as he stepped through the portal.The agent looked to the dazed canons, noticing that Eusabius was holding the neuralyzer in his hand.
The younger agent seemed to get what had happened, since he whipped out the RA and opened a portal by the two canons. “Now enter that thing,” he said. “It’s going to lead to wherever you have to go next. So do your thing, and do whatever.”
Sonic and Tails obeyed, slowly stepping through the portal. As soon as they were through, Florestan closed it, and shook his head in dismay. “Jesus Christ on a pikestaff, Eusabius, you would not have believed how stereotypical they sounded.”
“I can imagine on the strength of the fact that they beat up a young boy for no reason whatsoever,” said Eusabius. “Can we be quick within this fic?”
“We’re gonna have to be, yeah,” said Florestan as he keyed in new coordinates on the RA. “We only have so much time before Bowser decides he’s going to teach Shadow, Yoshi, and Silver a lesson. But since those three technically already learned their lesson to the point of being killed over it, we’re gonna have to move before the fic sort of remakes them again.” A portal opened in front of Eusabius. “Come on.”
Eusabius went through the portal before Florestan could say anything else. They walked into a generic room where Bowser Jr. had just settled in to cry.
Upon walking through the portal, Florestan looked around. “Uh, where are we?” asked the younger agent.
“I do not quite have a good idea,” said Eusabius. “According to the Words, we are not too far from where we started.” He stepped forward, finding suddenly that the force that kept the two agents in the center of the room had weakened significantly enough that he could take a step to the side. “That, of course, implies that the scenery had ever been defined in the first place.”
"So all you have to do is board a airship with Junior. Then you-" Bowser got cut off when he heard Junior's crying.
"What's that?" Sharon said.
"I don't know." Bowser replied.
"Should we look?" Sharon said.
"Yes." Bowser said.
They go to the other room, where at the corner they see Bowser Jr., crying.
“Ah, there she is,” said Florestan as they watched Bowser and Sharon walk in. Sharon’s shell was spiked, and overall she looked like a younger female version of Bowser. However, other than that she remained strangely undefined. The blank look in her eyes did not seem to disturb either Bowser or Bowser Jr.
Eusabius frowned, tapping his foot. “Do we truly need to watch this scene?”
“Well, we need to find a good time to neuralyze the two koopa siblings, right?” asked Florestan. “I’m preparing to send Sharon over to FicPsych as soon as I’m ready, anyhow.” He looks over. “I wonder why we’re getting this scene.”
"Junior, what happened?" Bowser said.
"Papa...Sharon... Silver, Shadow and Yoshi hurt my feelings...*sniff* They beat me up...*sniff* They're so mean!" Junior cried.
"Aww, my poor baby brother..." Sharon said, hugging Junior.
Bowser hugs them both.
"Junior, if there's anything wrong, you can call your family. Especially me." Bowser encouraged Junior.
"Yeah, we're all here for you, Junior. You're the family baby, and you always need help." Sharon said.
Florestan frowned. “So… is the message supposed to be that you can always rely on your family to help you in these cases?” he asked. “Or is it that certain people are weak? Because either way, I have no idea what the hell the message of this scene is supposed to be.”
“I have difficulty discerning what the point is myself,” said Eusabius. “So… we send this Sharon character to FicPsych and hope they can do stuff with her given that her only crime is being related to the Koopa family. Right?”
“Yeah,” says Florestan. “From what I read, Sharon isn’t really annoying. She’s not hogging the attention, she’s not all-powerful, and really she is written the way any sister who loves her younger brother probably should be written. So she’s not terrible.” He stepped forward. “Right. Sharon Koopa?”
The family turned to Florestan. All three of them wore varying degrees of surprised expressions. Sharon looked curious, Bowser looked downright surprised, and Bowser Jr. was not much inclined to care, which was understandable considering that he had been beaten for no reason mere minutes earlier. Florestan nodded as he prepared the RA.
“Now, I don’t have much time to explain it, so here we go.” He looked to Sharon. “I’m an agent of the Protectors of the Plot Continuum, and you have been charged for… well, being a non-canon member of Bowser’s family, I guess. That’s about it.”
“What are you talking about?” asked Sharon. “You—”
“Trust us, it’s a long story,” said Florestan as he keyed some more coordinates into the RA. “Now, to FicPsych you go!”
The portal opened beneath Sharon, who fell through and into FicPsych almost immediately after. Bowser promptly stood up, fury filling his eyes as he glared at the other two.
“What are you doing?” he asked angrily.
Eusabius stepped to the side, finding the fic’s influence dying out as he held the neuralyzer up to the level of Bowser’s eye. “It is a long story. Look here, please.” As soon as Bowser looked, Eusabius flashed the neuralyzer. “Your name is Bowser. Your son was beat up by a couple of people who thought they were quite… ‘cool’, would be the term. Now, he was injured in this scuffle, so I suggest you get him some medical attention. And make sure you let him know you’ll always be there for him.”
With this, Bowser nodded, picking up his young son when Eusabius finished speaking. Slowly, Bowser exited the room, and it was when Florestan stepped to the side that he realized the fic’s centering of every person in the room had ended.
With this, he let out a sigh. “Well, that’s fic number two taken care of,” said Florestan. “We’re going through these pretty fast, aren’t we?”
“That we are,” Eusabius conceded with a wave of his hand. “At this rate, I may be able to get to Zerenze in time.”
Florestan shrugged. “We’re in a mission,” he commented. “I’m sure Zerenze would understand, trust me.”
“It does not mean I do not wish to be as timely as possible,” said Eusabius. “It is very important that I get there on time.”
Florestan nodded, keying in things. “Well, we’ve only got one more fanfic to go,” he said. “And once we get that fic out of the way, we’re home free. So let’s get to it, shall we?”
The younger agent opened the portal. Immediately after, Eusabius went through it into the next fic. Florestan was not far behind Eusabius.
----**----
The pre-fic space formed into an approximation of something Florestan realized he knew.
The younger agent looked all around, noticing something odd about the scenery. “Say, Eusabius,” he said. “I think I recognize the scenery.”
“What is it?” asked Eusabius.
“This is… this is in the Banjo-Kazooie continuum,” he said. “I recognize this! I mean, Jesus, I kept up with Rare after they moved to Microsoft!”
“I see,” said Eusabius. “I trust you know enough to take charges here?”
“Of course,” said Florestan as he pointed at the area around him. “This, I think, is the factory of—”
(at log's video game factory)
(BOOM)
"heh heh heh,i escaped,now instead of making games,i,grunty winkelbunion will do game shows!" grunty shouted.
Instead of a loud explosion occurring, the two agents watched as a giant thing of text landed beside them. The impact caused them to stumble back, Florestan suddenly remembering the mini-hunter that was hanging off of his head as he felt a slight tug at one area of his disguise. The two agents looked up as Gruntilda Winkybunion appeared, laughing maniacally overhead. Her body was oddly, mechanical, with a skull trapped in what looked like a test tube covered by a metallic witch’s hat.
And immediately, Florestan looked at the witch and frowned.
“No no no no no!” said Florestan. “That’s not how you write Gruntilda Winkybunion! I mean, Jesus, man, you got the evil dialogue thing going, but c’mon! That’s just not how she works!”
“Truly?” asked Eusabius. “I would have imagined she would use stereotypical dialogue, given that she looks like a rather bizarre offshoot of a stereotypical witch. And yet she is still out of character?”
Florestan paused, holding a hand. He pointed at the ceiling, and looked as if he were thinking about how best to phrase his reply. After a few seconds, he nodded, lowering his hand and facing Eusabius.
“You see, if it’s Grunty you wanna write, you really, really have to do it right,” said Florestan. “And to write Gruntilda in a way that works, you have to write with two simple quirks. The first is that you use evil words, such that can make us laugh while eating cheese curds. The second is one that comes with time: all of her lines must use bad rhyme.”
The agent let out a huff of air. “God, I am never doing that again,” he said. “Rhyming is so hard it’s not even funny, especially when you’re trying to be bad.”
“I can see why,” said Eusabius. “So all of her dialogue must utilize bad rhyme, in addition to sounding like an evil witch.” He looked up to the evil witch. “So you are thinking this must be…”
“A replacement, possibly,” said Florestan. “We’ll see.” He looked down. “Also…”
He blinked, kneeling down and looking at two miniature creatures. Both of them were colored strangely, and looked quite odd to Eusabius. For some reason, their heads were conically shaped, and Eusabius could have sworn that these creatures looked like aardvarks that had been dropped in an episode of My Little Pony. Florestan knelt down, doing a quick mental size comparison as the mini-hunter took this opportunity to land next to the short creatures. Finally, Florestan nodded.
“Huh, these must be mini-Jinjos.” The younger agent stood up. “Well, we know what the minis in this continuum looks like.”
“Indeed,” said Eusabius. “I wonder what wi—”
"GRUNTIDA,YOU RUINED MY FACTORY!" log shouted.
"so,i am leaving(grabs a magic spell,and warps away)SEE YA!"grunty said.
Before the agents could comment, the scene abruptly shifted to the house of one Sonic the Hedgehog.
(sonic and his friends are playing super smash bros brawl,the characters playing are sonic,tails,knuckles,and shadow)
"YEAH,i got the smash ball!" sonic said.
"uh oh,this cant be good..." tails said.
(and it seems like sonic is winning)
"all right...ill just grab a smart bomb thing,and throw it at ya!" shadow shouted.
All at once, several booms sounded throughout the house. The characters of course ignored it in favor of playing on Sonic’s Wii, but unfortunately for Florestan and Eusabius they both had to watch as bits of text materialized while falling through the floor.
Florestan went up to one of the bits that had fallen just behind the couch that the four characters were sitting on. He leaned forward, his eyes looking at it.
“And it seems like Sonic is…” Florestan stopped reading the snippet of text that had materialized in the World and stepped back, watching as Sonic and his friends continued playing a match of Super Smash Brothers Brawl. “Good Christ.”
“I shall collect them,” said Eusabius as he picked it up. “You should write down charges for now.”
Eusabius tossed the charge notebook to Florestan, who caught it rather quickly. He blinked, pulling out a writing utensil from his bag of holding as the mini-Hunter and the mini-Jinjos all crowded around the younger agent. As Eusabius began moving around the rather small house, Florestan shook his head.
“Well, it seems our roles have been reversed today,” Florestan commented. “He’s the one worried about everything, and I’m the one keeping his head screwed on.”
One of the mini-Jinjos squeaked in reply. “Well, except for one rant, but you know how it is.” He looked back to Sonic and his friends as they continued playing the game. He could have sworn that the scene had shifted without his knowing, but given that nothing in the area changed its appearance, he decided it would be best to concentrate on Sonic.
The younger agent turned his attention to the notepad in his hands, and then wrote down a couple of charges. He glanced up to see Eusabius as he returned. “Florestan, do you think this fic will move on soon?” he asked.
“Of course,” said Florestan. “You’d be surprised how fast games of Super Smash Brothers go by.”
“Well, I am aware of that, yes, but that is not the point, I am afraid,” he said. “I asked because… well, I am still afraid of missing my function with Zerenze. Calli it irrational, but...”
Florestan shrugged. “Oh, don’t you worry about a thing, Eusabius,” said Florestan. “Trust me, we’re getting pretty close to being done here. I mean, it’s one fic, right? And you can’t forget the fact that portal technology can just deposit us back where we were when we got the mission.”
“I guess so,” Eusabius replied. “Yes, I see your point there. Maybe I am being illogical about all this.”
“I should say so!” said Florestan. “Unless the RA—” Florestan abruptly paused, frowning. “I shouldn’t finish that sentence. The Ironic Overpower might be watching, and then we’d be in trouble.”
Eusabius chuckled. “Indeed,” he said. “I am quite surprised that you have not asked what exactly I need to see him for yet.”
The younger agent licked his lips. “That’s not my business,” he said. “Not really, anyhow. So I’m not really that concerned about it.” The younger agent gestured to Eusabius. “Although, if it is what I think it is, then I’d tell you that it’s about time you got around to that.”
Eusabius jolted slightly. “You mean… you know?”
The younger agent smirked knowingly. “What, you think I don’t notice things?” Florestan asked, turning and pacing around the room. “I see how you get around Zerenze. And I see how he gets around you. I figured it’d be a matter of time.”
“I… I see…” Eusabius glanced over to the Sonic canons. “So you are all right with it, then.”
Florestan nodded. “Yeah,” he said. “Just… if you two ever do get down and dirty with it, don’t use my bed. I’m feeding you to Shumann if you do.”
Eusabius chuckled. “I doubt Shumann would eat me if you tried that,” he said. He smiled genuinely upon saying this.
In reply, Florestan nodded, a slight grin taking form on his lips as he looked at the older agent. They looked at each other like this, letting the sounds of—
"ya know what,im bored too,winning 20 times..." sonic said.
"heh,then join THIS" gruntida shouted.
(a portal appears)
"WHOA" they all said.
(in an random room...)
"oof...where are we" sonic asked,hurt.
The agents were whisked to another room, the two of them hitting the far wall. Whatever good mood the two of them were in instantly vanished upon the agents noticing where they were.
Florestan frowned, taking the charge notebook as Eusabius blinked at the minis where they lay piled on his lap. The younger agent then wrote something down as two more parentheticals appeared around the Sonic canons. They milled about, wondering how they had suddenly been pulled into a mysterious room.
“Did this Gruntilda person just use a portal?” asked Florestan.
“I assume so,” said Eusabius. “I take it Gruntilda’s powers are not so large in canon.”
“No,” said Florestan. “Grunty can’t portal, and she always speaks in rhyme. This fic is just… gah!” He shook his head. “I’m charging her for stealing portal technology. There’s no way she could form portals otherwise.”
"i dont know,but it looks like a game room of some sort" tails said.
"looks like a dump to me" shadow said.
(its true,i mean,aside from the pedistals and wheel with text like "one vs one" or "sky diving" on it,there are severial rocks,dust everywhere,an adbandon robot that looks like a robotic witch,a blown up vehicle with a broken that that says "hag 1,well...what remains of this beast" ,and bones of dead minions)
The very large parenthetical proceeded to hit Florestan over the head as the room gained more detail.
“H—ow!” said the younger agent as he rubbed his head. “Good Jesus Christ, will this fic please cut it out with the parentheticals?”
“I hope it stops with them, too,” said Eusabius. “Collecting this many parentheticals is going to be rather annoying, I must say.”
“You? Getting annoyed by things?” Florestan shook his head. “That’s new.”
Eusabius placed his hands against the wall, helping himself up as the minis all stepped off of him. “It tends to happen when you are feeling the pressure of nearly being late to my date with Zerenze,” he commented.
"yuck,looks like garbage" amy said.
"HEY,just because its discusting,doesnt mean its stupid" gruntida said,annoyed.
Before Grunty could say anything more, Amy Rose suddenly appeared in the room. The canons paid no attention to any of this, proceeding as if Amy had been with them the entire time. Florestan looked over to Eusabius with a surprised look, but before he could say much more he noticed a new mini-Jinjo that was currently balancing itself on Eusabius’ head. The mini fell over, joining the mini-Hunter and the other two mini-Jinjos on the ground.
“Am I to believe that Amy Rose teleported here without any prompting?” asked Eusabius.
“Yep,” said Florestan as he wrote down a new charge. As he did, however, he paused. “Does this feel odd to you in any way?”
“Perhaps,” said Eusabius. “I may have to ruminate on it a little bit.”
Florestan shook his head, finishing the charge he had been writing before he paused. The two agents then listened as Grunty explained how she apparently knew all of the people in the Sonic the Hedgehog cast from having worked in L.O.G.’s video game factory for a relatively long period of time.
“Is this canon, that this L.O.G. created all games?” asked Eusabius. “Because I can scarcely believe that there was one person who can do that.”
“In the Banjo-Kazooie continuum, it works like that,” said Florestan. “L.O.G. is supposed to be a God-type, you know. I mean, he can do everything.” The younger agent smirked. “He can even make people lose weight if he likes them enough.”
Eusabius frowned, looking to Florestan. “Really?” he asked. “I have a difficult time believing that such a thing can happen.”
“Well, in Banjo-Kazooie, wacky things can and will happen,” he said. “The N64 games even broke the 4th wall with surprising regularity.” He looked up. “I wonder why the fourth wall hasn’t been broken yet…”
"well,log owns ALL video game characters,like master chief,samus,even mario!" grunty said.
"dont even mention that annoying idiot" sonic said.
"heh...MA-RI-O" grunty said,laughing.
"if I had a chaos emerald,id SO kill you" sonic said,mad.
"what ever,now ill explane the rules of this game" gruntida said.
Eusabius frowned. “Now she’s making them play some game?” he asked.
Florestan shrugged. “Well, that’s not really that much of a charge,” he said. “Grunty does make Banjo and Kazooie play board game-like challenges at various points in the N64 games.” He looked up to Gruntilda as another parenthetical fell from the ceiling. “But those were more for the defense of her lair. Why would she do that here?”
"the rules are simple,you each will get a question from each kind of game,like if I asked who does mario fight all the time,or what is the theme from sonic 3 that people like,some times,ill give a hint,an most questions will be either normal,2 parter,something I like,or a visual of different places,you have to get 100 points,know why?" gruntida said.
"why get 100 points" tails asked.
"because,i am planning on taking over the entire universe,and in order to do that,i have to get rid of all heros,and since tons of people like you and a few others,ill have to drain powers everytime they lose" gruntida said.
"WHAT?" the sonic crew shouted.
"heh,ill rule planet after planet,the ill rule the entire VG universe!" gruntida shouted.
Florestan glared at Gruntilda as she finished this explanation. “Oh, are you kidding me!?” asked Florestan. “Why the hell would you do that!?” His hand that was holding the writing implement clenched into a fist, which he shook in Grunty’s direction. “You’re not out to take over the world! You’re out to get revenge on Banjo and Kazooie for thwarting your attempts to look young forever!”
“So this should not be her motivation,” said Eusabius.
“If it was, then I’ll eat my hat,” said Florestan. “And that has toxic chemicals, so I’m not planning on it.”
Shaking his head in distaste, Florestan shoved the charge notebook back into Eusabius’ hands. The older agent took them uncertainly as he pulled out the C-CAD from his bag of holding. The angry agent pointed the device at Gruntilda, his movements marked the way they were whenever he was about to blow up about something.
“This better be a damn author wraith!” said Florestan. “Because if this Grunty is a replacement…”
The younger agent activated the C-CAD.
[Gruntilda Winkybunion. Witch. Banjo-Kazooie Canon: Main Villain. OOC Level 82.45%. Sue-wraith detected. Exorcise with extreme prejudice.]
Florestan nodded, setting the C-CAD back in his bag of holding. “Okay, so this is a Sue-wraith,” said Florestan. He opened his bag of holding, looking through it and pulling out a copy of Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts and Bolts. “Eusabius, what say we end this here before Grunty can get started with this game?”
Eusabius squinted, checking the Words. “According to the Words, the game never even got underway,” he said. “The fic ends at this coming chapter.”
“Really?” asked Florestan. “Why?”
Eusabius beckoned Florestan to come closer. When the two agents were standing side by side, Eusabius squinted, and then indicated something to Florestan. “I think there was an element of audience participation.”
"now,i dont have questions,so the viewers will have to ask questions,and it better be like a quiz show question,like this,how many jiggleys are in banjo kazooie? There has to be 3 questions,1 is right while 2 are wrong,tell me the correct answer,just post it in reviews,then when I get enough questions,the game will start" grunty said.
Florestan’s glare only intensified once he was looking at Gruntilda again. The two agents stood there for a few seconds as Silver the Hedgehog teleported into the scene in much the same way Amy had earlier. It was so intense that neither agent noticed that a fourth mini-Jinjo had appeared until it bumped against Eusabius’ leg.
The younger agent then strode over to where Grunty was floating, lifting his copy of Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts and Bolts as he approached. “Here’s a question,” shouted Florestan. “Why the hell isn’t Grunty spouting her bad rhymes?”
The possessed canon turned suddenly, looking to Florestan with a surprised look on her face. “wat are you saying tha—”
Florestan whacked Gruntilda with the game case, causing the witch to fall over. “That’s not the answer, wraith! Avaunt, spirit of bad writing!”
As Florestan whacked Gruntilda again, the Sonic canons leaned in close. They all watched as Grunty seized up. A ringing bell behind Florestan brought their attention to Eusabius ever so briefly before another thwack was heard.
“Avaunt, spirit of making Grunty not use her rhymes!” shouted Florestan.
“We banish the spirit of implausible crossovers!” Eusabius added. “We banish the spirit of twisting a character’s motivation!”
“The power of Rare Ltd. compels you!” shouted Florestan. “The power of Gregg Mayles compels you!”
And with an almighty shriek, Gruntilda opened her mouth. The wraith billowed out of her opened mouth much like a cloud of smoke, though the fact that Gruntilda’s head was placed in an airtight space did not help.
“WHY DOESNT ANYONE REVIEW MY STORIES?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??! CAN SOMEONE REVIEW ANY OF THEM?!?!?!?!?!?!? PLEASE?!?!?!?!?” the wraith shouted irritatingly.
As Eusabius dodged the array of extra punctuation, Florestan shook his head, kicking the metallic witch’s hat open. Grunty’s skull rolled out, and the wraith was allowed to leave the tube. It floated up to the top as Florestan picked up a wrench that just happened to be sitting nearby and was not a deus ex machine in any way.
“Here, have a review,” said Florestan as he picked up this wraith. “Make Grunty speak in rhyme, you bloody ponce!”
And with this, Florestan tossed the wrench at the wraith. It quickly vanished, leaving the many Sonic canons sitting around wondering what was up.
Gruntilda’s body sat up. Eusabius stepped back, looking at the body in surprise before turning to Florestan. “She can move her body without her head?” he asked.
Florestan picked up Gruntilda’s head from where it had rolled, and walked over to the rest of Gruntilda’s body. “Long story,” said Florestan. “Let’s just say that all that remains of Gruntilda’s original body is literally her skull, as per the end of Banjo-Tooie.” He held the witch’s hat opening agape, dropping Grunty’s head into the tube before closing it. “Let’s just say that L.O.G. gave her the body she’s using now. It’s robotic, you see.”
“Ah,” said Eusabius. “That would make this a very bizarre continuum.”
“Bizarre? Bizarre? What makes you say that? It’s not weird at all to become a hat!” This was Grunty, of course, as she stood at her full height.
Florestan chuckled as he pulled out the neuralyzer. “There’s the Gruntilda Winkybunion we all know and love,” he said. He then picked up his RA, holding his neuralyzer under his armpit as he opened a portal with the RA. “Eusabius, would you be so kind as to escort Grunty back to L.O.G.’s video game factory? I’ll join up with you after I’ve neuralyzed the Sonic canons.”
“Of course.” The older agent moved towards Gruntilda, the minis following behind him. The older man came behind Grunty and gently pushed her towards the portal. “Now, miss, if you would go through that portal there, we can—”
“Don’t you push me, you fat man; walk through it myself, I certainly can!” said Grunty as she trotted in front of Eusabius.
The agent said nothing as he followed Grunty into the factory. The minis followed, and when they passed through Florestan closed the portal behind them. He placed the RA back in his bag of holding, turning his attention back to the canons in front of him.
“What was that about?” asked Amy.
“It’s a long story, trust me,” said Florestan as he raised the neuralyzer. “Will all of you look here please?”
The canons all looked up. When they did, Florestan squeezed his eyes shut, activating the neuralyzer. When the flash passed, he nodded, storing the neuralyzer back in his bag of holding. “Right,” he said as he began inputting coordinates in the RA. “You all know who you are. You don’t know anyone named Gruntilda Winkybunion, nor were you ever pulled in to play some stupid board games of hers. Now, you’re all going to head home and go to sleep. When you wake up, all this will have been a bad dream. Now, get to it.”
The canons sleepily followed, all walking through the portal Florestan had created. When the last of the Sonic canons had passed through, Florestan nodded and closed the portal after them.
“All right, that’s all three of these fics taken care of,” said Florestan. “Now… I need to get back to Eusabius, neuralyze L.O.G. and Grunty, and we’ll be all set.” He fiddled with the RA, opening a portal into LOG’s video game factory. He nodded, looking at the space where the games were lined up.
“Very well then,” said the DIC agent. “Now, let’s see Grunty back to her original space.”
With this, Florestan walked through the portal.
----**----
As soon as the portal opened in the RC, Eusabius walked to the clock that rested on the bedstand. He glanced at it briefly, before sighing in relief.
“Eight minutes left,” said the older agent. “I will not be late.”
“Great!” said Florestan. “Don’t you love portal technology?”
“For once, I am inclined to say yes to such a ridiculous question,” said Eusabius as he adjusted his guayabera. “I shall get going then. If I stay any longer, I fear I may be late anyhow.”
Florestan nodded as Eusabius walked to the door. “Excellent,” said Florestan. “I’ll be here if you need me.” The younger agent walked over to the couch. “Oh, and Eusabius?”
“Yes, Florestan?” asked the older DIC agent.
Florestan smiled warmly, nodding in Eusabius’ direction. “Have fun.”
Eusabius smiled. “Thank you,” he said. “Stay safe, Florestan. May your quest to save the galaxy succeed.”
And with this, Eusabius exited the RC. Florestan stood there, watching the door close. He smiled, looking over at the table where Shumann still sat.
“Very well then,” said Florestan as he walked over to the couch and picked up the Xbox controller. “Now… it’s time for Mass Effect 3 to be played! Now, let’s do this!”
Florestan fired up the game, and giggled like a little schoolgirl as he went through the opening cutscene again.
----**----
A/N: Hello again, children. Before I say anything else, I’d like to thank Caddy and Data Junkie for reading over this mission for me. You guys rock!
Well, this is it, guys. Florestan and Eusabius mission 10. This RC has officially broken the 10-mission limit most people end up stopping at. So here we are.
And for this mission 10, I decided to do something different. These three fics are fics that… well, I was looking for badfic, and I found these fics that would make for good spork material, I think. The problem was… I didn’t think they were substantial enough to make for individual sporkings. So then I fell onto this.
Now, the story behind this mission is pretty interesting. I encountered the last fic first, I encountered the first fic second, and the middle fic… well, that’s the most interesting one of them all. I originally had a different fic planned for the second fic that was used in the sporking, but by the time I had gotten around to this mission, that fic had gotten deleted. So I went with the second fic that I did sort of find through perusing that section again. Trust me, you have no idea how much badfic there is in the Mario Universe/StH crossovers section. So then, I found that one that was like ‘oh, hey, a badfic, let’s use it’. The other two were just bad on virture of having completely terrible SPaG, but the middle one was bad for a different reason.
So yeah. That’s that mission. This is my DIC response center, hoping to stay out of the way…
…well, at least, until I take on Sweet Apple Massacre with my Floaters RC. So yeah, that’s all I’ve got folks.
Stay tuned for next time, when I do other things with both this RC and my Floaters RC!
-Herr Wozzeck