Trail # 604 - PP's Death March

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Once again hashers gathered in the aptly named Boozer Shopping Center, under the “No Loitering” sign. The start time of 5:00 came and went finding only PP, Jizim, Fowl, Chips, KBF, and Delivery Boy each nursing a beer—a veritable sausage party. Thankfully STD, Mama, Tip, and a virgin arrived to rectify that situation.

PP is known for his long trails, and having promised THREE beer stops, we knew we were in for it! However the first portion of the trail was rather compact, taking us around the back of Boozer Shopping Center, then through Dutch Square Mall and nearly back to the start. But this proved to be the easy part; and CHHH veteran, Wandering Dick, apparently knew better and called it a day.

The rest of us continued across Broad River Road in search of the illusive first beer stop. Unbeknownst to us, the hash that shall remain nameless had been in this area a mere 8 rainless nights before us, and—to our consternation—we were finding BN, a hare’s arrow, and BH (beer here) in strange colored chalk. After spreading out in a hard-target search for anything looking like beer within 100 yards, we gave up and continued the trail.

Residential roads eventually gave way to winding, single-track paths along the Broad River, and then out onto the Columbia Canal Diversion Dam. Copious amounts of flour led all the way to the spillway on the Columbia side, where—of course—the FRBs found a back-check taking us back to the Dutch Fork side, but not all the way…which led us to the next challenge: distinguishing white hash from white bird shit on the rocks in the river. Returning to shore, we were rewarded with our first beer stop, which featured warm Bud Lite.

The trail wound its way uphill then back down a long set of stairs to the river, and then downstream on a path through briars and poison ivy. The second beer stop was under the River Road bridge, which is currently being rehabilitated, much to the delight of the male hashers who explored the construction site and all tried to start all the equipment (ok, maybe that was just me.) Next, the trail ran through the neighborhoods on the southern point of Dutch Fork, behind apartment complexes, and apparently through the yard of some unhappy residents; thankfully our FRB, Jizim, was taking all the heat! The third beer stop was thoughtfully located in a potentially scenic spot: behind a dumpster and at the edge of a stagnant, water-filled quarry—good times!

Finally the trail was taking us back to the cars. Hopeful hashers assumed that over the next hill we would find Bush River Road, but we had forgotten how far downriver we had gone; it was only Greystone Blvd!  PP did have pity on us, and brought Chip’s truck and the hash cooler to a combination car wash/Laundromat halfway back, for what became our FOURTH beer stop.

Darkness had fallen by the time all hashers had returned and circle was convened. In Bashful’s absence, Finger Me took the reigns, quickly dispatching punishment for infractions and welcoming visitors and virgins alike. After a pathetically sung Swing Low, cars scattered…some actually making it to the on after at Monterrey Mexican restaurant on Broad River at I-20.

Incidentally, although it was International Talk Like a Pirate Day, the only “Argh” heard were in response to shiggy; and the “Give blood – Hash” award went to Mama a Trois.

So let it be written, so let it be said.

Scribe: Delivery Boy