Note: The PPC was originally created by Jay and Acacia. The fanfic being sporked (District 13) belongs to RandomWriter77. District 9 is copyright TriStar Pictures. Anneli Rodriguez and Xanthus Garkaran both belong to me. Cinderella first appeared in the Harry Potter fanfiction My Dragons, Your Phoenix, His Death Eaters by XxX Fleur-Delacour XxX, and was recruited to the PPC by Cadmar.
Mission 4: A Night at The Air Ballet
In which an apartheid allegory is lost to gravity behaving very strangely.
Sometime later, Xanthus Garkaran returned to the RC to find Anneli and Cindy sitting at the couch, watching TV. Tiana and Jazmine were both perched on Cindy’s shoulder, watching with intense interest at the proceedings. The turian recognized Hugh Laurie walking around with the help of a cane almost immediately, and smiled as he walked over.
“So you watch House,” commented the turian.
Anneli smiled looking back at Xanthus. “Like, yeah,” she said. “Hugh Laurie is so awesome in this show!”
“I know,” said Cindy from where she sat next to Anneli. “I’m only one season in, and already I like this show a lot.”
“Yeah, I think it’s fun,” said Xanthus as he walked in. “So… you’ve just been sitting here, watching episodes of House?”
“Yep,” replied Anneli. “I love this show!”
The mini-dragons let out a soft sound of approval in reply, both of them seeming very content with their situation.
[BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE--]
And then the poor dragons were shocked out of their serene state by the sound of the console going off. Jazmine gripped Cindy in fear while Tiana crowed loudly at the console, with both Cindy and Xanthus glancing at the console in surprise.
However, Anneli perked up, and ran over to the console. “Oh hey, a mission!” she shouted loudly. She pressed the accept button, reading around it. “Hm… District 9.”
“District 9?” asked Xanthus. “You mean that South African sci-fi movie that was produced by Peter Jackson?”
“That’s the one,” said Anneli. “I know this continuum a bit; I saw it with my brother before I came to the PPC.” She then instantly frowned. “What the hell? Prawns outside of Johannesburg?”
“Johannesburg?” asked Cindy as she stood up after pausing the episode they were watching. “That’s in… South Africa, right?”
“Yes, it is,” says Anneli, frowning. “But it totally doesn’t work outside of there!”
“Why?” asked the witch with a confused expression on her face.
“Uh, District 9 is supposed to be an apartheid allegory!” exclaimed Anneli. “It doesn’t make sense when taken out of South Africa!”
Cindy tilted her head to the side. “What’s apartheid?” she asked.
Anneli facepalmed in dismay, but before she could say anything Xanthus walked forward. “Well… I think Annie told me about it once,” he said. “It was some era in the history of South Africa in which there was a forced separation between… white and black people?”
“Yeah, she told you right,” said Anneli. “Like, it was a time where there was a lot of racism, and, like, the lives of a majority of South Africa’s population totally sucked.”
“Oh,” said Cindy. “Okay, I see. So why’s the metaphor lost outside of South Africa?”
“Well, like, you’re taking the allegory of an extremely oppressive group and putting it in America,” Anneli replied.
And instantly Cindy seemed to understand why Anneli had an issue with that. “Oh, all right,” she said. “I think I get it.” She then turned to her fellow agents. “Disguises?”
“Hm…” Anneli looked at the mission parameters again. “Okay, it’ll be dangerous if we all go as humans all the time. So I’ll set us as humans for now, and Xanthus totally needs to bring the DORKS. I’ll totally figure it out from there.”
“Right,” said Xanthus, nodding as the portal opened. “Let’s go.”
----**----
District 13
Prologue-
The agents were dropped right into the fic soon after they exited the portal. And pretty much right when this happened, Anneli frowned, shaking her head.
“What, like, no author’s note?” she asked. “No disclaimer?”
“Yes, that is a charge,” said Xanthus, shaking his head as he looked around in the undefined words. Before, long, however, the prologue began.
They arrived 20 years ago there were 2 ships that came that day, One landed in Johannesburg, South Africa another in a small town in Alaska, U.S.
“And right in the middle of the first sentence, this fic is given its first dose stupid,” said Xanthus, opening his omni-tool and marking the first two charges. “The likelihood of that happening is close to none, and the two ships landing in two different places? Highly unlikely. You’d think they would’ve contacted each other by then.”
“Yeah, you would,” said Anneli, crossing her arms. “I think one of the alien characters explains that it takes three years for one of those ships to leave Earth, go back to their homeworld, and come back. They had enough power to keep life support, they could’ve contacted each other.”
“Already the premise makes no sense,” said Cindy, shaking her head and looking around. “Am I the only one who thinks this doesn’t bode well?”
Anneli and Xanthus shook their heads at the same time.
the ship in Africa had 1.8 million "Prawns" inside. The one in Alaska had only 500,000 "Prawns".
Cindy and Xanthus both looked to their remaining partner as she rubbed her chin, frowning at this description. “Xanthus, keep an eye on when people say prawn,” she said. “I get the feeling that it’ll totally become a charge later.”
Xanthus nodded, as the narration continued to explain the rules of this new universe.
When they first arrived the ship in Africa just hovered there for 3 months it didnt move until MNU decided to cut their way in. When the one in Alaska first arrived it didnt open till 4 months when both of the ships were finally opened they set up camps for the aliens to stay but soon became slums with very poor living conditions the one in Africa was known as District 9 the one in Alaska District 13...
Cindy shrugged, looking at her other two partners. “Well, it’s got a lot of plot holes,” said the witch in a plain tone. “Anneli?”
“Yeah, like, America doesn’t forget its slums that easily,” replied the other female agent. “Besides, you know, it’s not like America was actively oppressing any minority groups the way the South Africa was back then.” She shakes her head. “Like, this totally doesn’t make any sense.”
Chapter 1 - When They Arrived
Midway through the announcement of the new chapter, the World suddenly rocked ever so slightly. It caught the three agents unawares as the scene suddenly materialized around them. And once it did… they realized something just the slightest bit off…
Anneli was the first one to notice it. “Uh… is it me, or is gravity being all weird right now?”
Cindy and Xanthus both looked at each other, and then looked at the room they were in again. Suddenly, they noticed that while all the furniture that should have been loose looked bolted in place. However… gravity was strangely affecting their articles of clothes, and most prominently Anneli and Cindy’s hair.
Cindy frowned, looking at her fellow agents. “Uh… what’s going on?” she asked.
“I don’t know,” replied the disguised turian as he looked around. “This isn’t normal at all. What’s going on?”
"Hello" Said Johnathan "Hello" A man replied "Hi my name is johnathan i am a reporter for ADN or Alaskan Daily News and im here to ask you some questions" said John
“Gah, the crimes against grammar!” shouted Anneli, covering her ears and noticing she was leaning slightly. “That’s like… how many charges?”
“Too many to count,” says Xanthus. “Let’s see… we’ve got missing punctuation, missing capitals, having multiple people speak in the same paragraph, and spelling things badly.” Xanthus wrote all those things down. “This is gonna be fun.”
Anneli looked ahead, and then breathed in sharply. “Not just for that,” she said. “Look!”
She then pointed at where the wind had picked up. Cindy and Xanthus looked, and sure enough, a menacing-looking little word cyclone had begun to manifest in the World. Cindy and Xanthus looked at each other soon after and shook their heads in fright.
“I… Don’t we need punctuation for that?” she asked.
Anneli fished into her bag of holding, and then nodded. “Don’t worry, I stocked your bags all up with punctuation,” said the older woman. “Like, if it gets too bad, just throw punctuation at it, and we’ll be good.”
“I hope you’re right,” said Cindy, looking at the cyclone nervously.
"Like what kind of question" the man
asked "whatever i ask but if you dont want to answer it we can move on to a different one" John explains
The world then seemed to jump, and it threw the agents a foot or two into the air. However, the trajectory of their flight was suspect. Instead of flying straight up, the three agents noticed that they had landed slightly to the right of where they had stood beforehand. Anneli glanced down, and then shook her head.
“Okay, first, I think gravity is being weird,” said Anneli as she looked around. “Second… this guy has got to be the world’s most incompetent reporter!” She finally gestured to where Johnathan stood a short distance away in the undefined scenery asking the random man for an interview.
Cindy nodded. “If I remember correctly, there was a lot more that went into reporting than that,” said the witch as she fished through her bag of holding for some punctuation.
The World jumped again as Johnathan the reporter took out a camera and a recording device, looking at the still-undefined man standing right next to him in the room.
"okay so whats your name"john asks "my name is Robert miles i am a MNU
aliens relations agent and i talk to the non-humans and try to find them jobs so they can be useful and not cause trouble in District 13 or around the parts of the city they are allowed in"robert answers
As the World jumped a third time and the word cyclone intensified slightly, the two had their exchange, with Cindy flinging some punctuation at the cyclone.
“Okay, like, he’s a high ranking official with MNU,” said Anneli. “Like, don’t you have to schedule times to interview those people?”
“I think so,” said Xanthus, frowning and noting it as a charge. “What’s MNU?”
“It’s an international weapons company in charge of alien affairs,” said Anneli. “Like, don’t ask me why the government of South Africa handed the reins to them. I have no idea why.”
"so how
many non-humans are "citizens of Alaska" well there are only 3,427 legal citizens in the city but there are illegal aliens that sneak in and try to hide with there alien friends"robert answers and explains
The World jumped yet again, with Anneli glancing down at the ground in disgust. Before she could say much, though, Robert and Johnathan both fused together for a few seconds. Cindy looked on in shock, with Xanthus writing a charge down as the two characters then split apart.
“What… was that?” asked Cindy, still quite shocked.
“Okay, seriously, like, this is getting out of hand!” exclaimed Anneli. “Why is the world jumping so much? And what happened?”
“I’m… I’m not sure,” said Cindy. “And I’m not sure I want to know.” Cindy looked at the two people to the side. “What about what we just heard? Was that canon?”
“Well…” The older woman frowned. “It’s not technically canon due to the apartheid allegory. But… this is America, which totally didn’t have exactly the same history as South Africa, so…”
“Points for noticing that both nations will have different ways of looking at things, then,” said Xanthus. “That’s not-charge material for me.” He reached into his bag of holding and threw some more punctuation at the cyclone.
"so its
sort of like illegal immigration?"john tries to get a understanding "yes, almost exactly like that"robert agrees
And once again, the World jumped. This flung some punctuation out of Xanthus’ hand, but thankfully it found itself heading towards the Word Cyclone soon after that.
The agents looked around briefly, and then Cindy shook her head. “I think that was a bit of exposition, right?”
“Yeah, this is exposition,” says Xanthus. “Hello, Robert Exposition. I’m Xanthus Garkaran, agent.”
"now what are your personal opinions of the aliens"john asks "MY" personal opinions?...hmmm well i
hate them i absoloutly hate'em it doesnt effect my job but i do hate them"robert answers "if you dont mind me asking, why do you hate them and have u always hated them"john surprised while asking
Thankfully, the World didn’t jump, so Anneli used this time to throw some punctuation at the Word cyclone. However, what did happen soon afterwards was that both John and Robert ended up saying everything at exactly the same time. Cindy squinted, checking the Words to find that the quotation marks were abused.
“What else should I charge for?” asked Xanthus. “This hate seems kind of over the top, and I’m not sure the reporter would arrive at this situation.”
“Uh… I don’t know,” replied the perkier agent. “Whatever you do, though, don’t charge the sentiment. It’s actually a totally canon way to feel if you’re with MNU.”
“That’s good to know,” said Xanthus, his fingers hovering over his omni-tool interface.
"i didnt
want to hate them but it just happened when they first arrived i wanted to like them but, they were just bottom feeders they cause havoc pure havoc they werent well liked by alot of the towns folk the first
week they came out of the ship"robert replied
The World jumped two more times, but by now the agents had gotten used to it, as Cindy attested to by grabbing an undefined piece of furniture each time the World jumped.
“Anything new here, Anneli?” she asked.
The older agent shook her head. “Nope,” she replied, shrugging. “This is just… exposition, I think. And establishing the hate that’s common against these things.” She frowned. “Though it does negate the citizenship thing, I think. I mean… Not sure why, but there you have it.”
"okay well thats all the time we have thanks for your time "john said as he began to pack up his camera equipment "you to johnathan" robert replies.
Robert sat down as the agents felt the tense shift. When it subsided, however, they all watched as Johnathan walked out of the undefined space.
“W… Hey, that guy has got to be the worst reporter ever!” said Xanthus. “Like, what is that? Ask a total of three questions with answers that you were gonna get anyway?” The turian turned to Anneli. “Like, is that even common knowledge?”
“Not really, but it depends on what the reporter wants,” said Anneli, squinting to check the Words. “And honestly, this guy isn’t that bad a reporter. Like, it says in the next paragraph that he knew that these aliens were more like refugees than anything.” She shrugged. “Which totally negates the apartheid allegory a little further, but I’m getting off track here. Anyway, he says that he’s trying to show the truth that he sees by getting the side of the story from the MNU guy and hopefully a prawn.”
Cindy smiled. “Hm… that’s rather noble journalism, actually,” replied the witch. “Much better than Rita Skeeter, I think.”
Anneli exhaled. “Oh, that annoying populist?” asked the older agent. “I never thought you read her.”
“Unfortunately,” said Cindy with a slightly guilty look on her face. “But still, this Johnathan guy can’t be that horrible a bad journalist if he is looking for both points of view rather than just one.”
“Yeah, he’s at least fair, if not noble,” admits Xanthus, cancelling the charge. “That’s a big step up from a lot of journalists back home on the Citadel, so…” He looked over. “You know what? Every continuum needs more guys like this. I say that no matter what we see, we let him stay here. That sound like a plan?”
“Yep,” said Anneli. “As for this guy… I think we should leave him in the continuum too.”
“But what do we do?” asked Cindy. “You said that aliens don’t come to America…”
“Then we do other things,” said Anneli with a shrug. “Like, we send him to South Africa. I think he’s already in a good position in MNU, so… we just rename him, and send him to Johannesburg. Just give him an Afrikaner name.”
“Right,” said Xanthus. “Okay, I think I might have something.” With this, he walked across the room, suddenly noticing that his footsteps were a little odd on the floor. However, he eventually approached Robert as the MNU employee returned to work.
“Uh… Robert?”
The bit character looked up to Xanthus, frowning. “oh,are you another reporter?”
“No, we’re better than that,” said Xanthus, holding up the neuralyzer as he set some sunglasses on his head. “Look up here, please.”
The man did as he was told, and right after the flash of light from the neuralyzer, he suddenly gained a lot more definition than he ever had under the influence of the Fic. He had completely changed appearance, so that he looked like a typical Afrikaner, with blonde hair and brown eyes. He also gained a little weight, and now had on the full MNU uniform.
“All right,” said the disguised turian. “Your name is… Paul Redeker. Yeah.” He nodded, looking right at him. “You are an employee in MNU. The prawns never landed in Alaska, and you have been living in South Africa for your whole life.” With this, Xanthus opened a portal in the wall. “That should take you to your office.”
“As you say,” said the now Afrikaner as he walked up to the portal. He had some difficulty for some reason, but he made it through the portal. Soon after, Xanthus closed it, and then fiddled with the RA. “Right… next chapter?”
“Yeah,” said Anneli, walking over to the portal into another undefined space.
"William!" "William!" "Wake up"
Right as the undefined space took the shape of a bedroom, the World shook violently yet again. However, this time, as the World shook, Cindy felt gravity shift slightly, and before long, she had lost her footing, and was sliding down the floor. Anneli had too, but thankfully the disguises had taken effect, and so Xanthus stretched out and grabbed both of his fellow agents. He leaned against the floor, holding them up as they suddenly realized that gravity was behaving rather oddly to them. They were still more or less standing, but their feet were barely planted on the ground, and they were all leaning over at what Anneli and Xanthus assumed was a forty five degree angle.
“W… what’s going on?” asked Cindy. “My senses are telling me that we’re on the floor, but… What’s happening to the gravity?”
Xanthus squinted, even as Anneli alleviated the weight on Xanthus’ right arm by grabbing on to a desk that somehow hadn’t shifted after the World rocked slightly. However, the turian who was now disguised as an alien looked down at his two fellow agents.
“Anneli, Cindy, check the Words,” he said.
“W…” Anneli did as she was told, and then frowned, though how she did that in her new alien disguise was anyone’s guess. When she did this, her eyes widened. “Wait… Oh, no, I think I totally get what’s going on!”
“What is it?” asked Cindy. “Why is gravity behaving in such a strange manner?”
The older female watched as the undefined space gained just a little more definition. “It’s the fic!” she replied. “I don’t know why, but all the chapters are in italics or something.”
Cindy blinked, looking up. “So what does that mean?”
“It means that the Words are tilting the World!” Xanthus replied. “The Words are in non-stop italics, but the chapter titles aren’t. So every time we go into a new chapter, the world will tilt.”
The witch looked down at the alien below her as it stirred. “So that means…” She shook her head. “Merlin…” She looked at where Xanthus was holding on to her with the tilt of the World. “This is going to be a very dangerous mission soon enough…”
"What? What?"william says in a sleepy like voice "You need to wake up you need to go to work"the voice says " alright" Will says as the lazy prawn gets up out of the small bed
With a roar, the word cyclone reminded the agents that it was still there. With this, Anneli pulled out some punctuation with her free hand, and tossed it. It bounced off the floor strangely before landing in the cyclone, which died down just a little bit.
They watched as Will stood up and walked off. “An alien has the name William,” says Xanthus.
“It’s canon,” replied Anneli. “The aliens in this canon don’t have translators or a mouth that can speak English. So, like, to make it easier for the MNU people to communicate with them, they’re given English names.”
Xanthus frowned. “Still doesn’t mean I like it,” replied the disguised turian, his disgust clearly showing.
"i dont get it"the voice asks "what dont you get trip"will asks "that you get citizenship, a nice apartment and a job and u treat your house like you live in the slums" Trip replies
Anneli glanced down, frowning at the second undefined character as the room suddenly became a mess as per the newfound definition in the Words. “Trip, however, is totally not a typical name for an alien here,” she stated.
Cindy looked at them, a little creeped out at the fact that while she, Anneli, and Xanthus had all needed to grab onto furniture to be able to stay still, the characters in the fic were completely unaffected by the bizarre gravity that had taken hold of the World. She then looked around, noticing that the trash was also not affected by the odd gravity that was pulling the agents towards the wall the door that Will had just walked through.
However, her attention was torn away from her after Xanthus shook his head. “I see chatspeak,” he said, looking at the Words. “As soon as my hand gets freed, I’m marking that as a charge.” He then looked down at Cindy. “I don’t think you should take that as a cue to let go just yet, though,” added the disguised turian.
"well i guess i dont want this i just want a normal life not the life of having MNU agents watching you every where you go"will explains "i still dont get it your a janitor and u cant even clean your own house" Trip jokes
“Wait… they just mentioned citizenship, right?” asked Cindy.
Anneli frowned. “Yeah, that totally messes up the apartheid allegory!” she said, looking at Xanthus as she looked down. “Like, the aliens in this movie were treated like they weren’t even people!”
“And this story is granting them citizenship,” said Xanthus, frowning. “Okay, that is doing a rather good job of messing up the allegory right there.” He looked to Anneli.
"Well i gotta go talk to you later trip" will says as he walks out the door. *sigh* Just another day at work I hate this job all the humans pick fun at me they're cruel, At least some are theres that one kid he gives me some of his lunch,
Curiously, the scene didn’t shift, and the word cyclone was actually a little tame despite the fact that no punctuation had been thrown at it for some time. Strangely, Xanthus looked as Will walked right out of the door of his apartment…
…and straight into an undefined hallway.
Frowning, the disguised turian let go, and then he and Cindy both regained their footing. Anneli followed soon after, and the agents just looked at each other.
“Okay… we can do this,” said Anneli as she walked forward ever so carefully with the gravity behaving the way it was.
Slowly, they made their way through the apartment, Cindy nearly slipping several times. Thankfully, either Xanthus or Anneli were there to catch the disguised witch when she stumbled, and so they eventually made it through to the hallway, which then became more defined as the following gave it form:
"What are you doing here this early Will"a lady at a desk askes "well im a janitor remember haha yeah i need to clean before the kids get here"
When this was said, the Words took it to mean that the hallway was in a school building. The World rocked slightly, knocking Cindy off her feet. Thankfully, just as she had started sliding down the Word-induced incline she had reached out to grab a water fountain that had spawned nearby. She grabbed it, and held it, gritting her teeth and wondering when she had reverted back to her human form. She looked up at Anneli, seeing her holding up the DORKS and inputting a new disguise for both herself and the witch.
“And now they’re working at schools,” said Anneli as she slowly approached Cindy. “You okay, Cindy?”
“Yes, I’m fine,” replied the witch, looking up at Anneli as she made her way down. “But… Just a bit shaken, I think.”
“You’ll be all right,” replied Anneli. “You’ve been doing good so far.”
"Actully no your not today Will"a man says as he walks out of his office "What! why not"will exclaims
“Hey, he got fired from his job for being an alien!” said Xanthus. “I take offense to that!”
“Well, it’s canon, Xanthus, so—”
"its not a bad thing dont worry a teacher went into labor this morning and will be out for a couple of months and we need you to sub the class"the principal replied
Anneli and Xanthus both glared at the alien as it was told this by the man who was apparently the principal of the school.
“That… that…” Anneli growled at this. “Like, this is America! Like, where the hell are the substitute teachers? Like, they have a separate payroll for that! They don’t just ask random janitors to fill in when a teacher needs a substitute! That’s just stupid!”
“There better be a damn good reason for that,” said Xanthus, frowning as Anneli slowly grabbed Cindy’s hand.
"oh thank you sir i thought i was losing my job but why are you choosing me im just a prawn"Will Asked
"Its an English class and your the only prawn that can fluently speak english"the principal replied
Instead of getting a satisfying answer, however, Xanthus watched as the canon then shattered into a million pieces all around them. Cindy let out a shriek of shock as suddenly all sound seemed to evaporate as they levitated in a huge void. The pieces of the canon hovered around the three agents as they all freely floated around. Cindy could only look on in shock as her grip on Anneli’s wrist suddenly tightened, the scenery doing odd things around her.
And in the space of three seconds, the canon came back together, only this time the hallway had a much stranger look about it. Anneli and Cindy both looked around, suddenly noticing that the World had shifted in such a way that the both of them were now hanging onto the water fountain for dear life, their bodies hanging pretty much parallel to where the floor was.
Cindy knew that gravity had simply given up by that point, and she was sure that the fact that she was looking at the tiled floor that she was supposed to be standing on but was instead hanging in front of had something to do with that.
Having not even gotten fully used to this, she then looked off to the side to see Xanthus barely hanging on to a bulletin board. Thankfully, he was still in his alien form, so that meant he had slightly better traction than a human would. Still, Cindy fished through her clothes to get her wand out as she looked at the disguised turian.
“Xanthus, you okay?” asked Cindy.
“I’ll be fine,” he said as he pulled himself up to the space where a classroom door was. “Spirits, what was that?”
Anneli frowned, looking up at the disguised turian. “That, was a complete canon break!” shouted the now somewhat enraged agent. “These aliens can’t speak English! Like, at all!”
“Well, that’s kinda being racist!” said Xanthus. “I can hear them just fine!”
“Yeah, because, like, you have one of those translator things that the rest of us don’t get!” replied Anneli. “No, I’m saying it’s biologically impossible for them to speak any human language! I mean, look at their mouths, Xanthus! They don’t have lips!”
Cindy looked up, trying not to concentrate on the fact that she was looking up Anneli’s clothes through her peripheral vision. “Wait…” she said. “So if they can suddenly speak English, then doesn’t that negate some of the language barrier issues with the fact that these aliens can’t speak English and that the humans can’t speak their language?”
“Like, yeah!” shouted Anneli. “These aliens don’t speak English because they can’t! I already explained that! This is stupid! This is stupid! This is—!”
“Anneli, you might want to be careful about your thrashing!” shouted Cindy from where she was holding on to her fellow agent. “I don’t want to have to cast the levitation charm on myself!”
"but this still doesnt answer my question why is a prawn teaching an english class"will asked again "Oh haha sorry will its because the class is starting starting to learn your language and since you speak english so well and of course know your language we chose you"the principal explained
William and the principal appeared in the hallway, and the first thing that the agents noticed was that they weren’t affected by gravity behaving oddly in the least. They just walked past the agents as they held on for their lives.
“So I guess that because their mouths are shaped differently, humans can’t speak that language either,” said Xanthus.
“Yep, that’s pretty much it,” said Anneli. “Oh, and charge for casual use of the term ‘prawn’ by one of the aliens.”
Xanthus nodded. “In a minute,” he said. “First we need to get into a position where we’re not about to fall to our deaths.”
Will began to walk to the classroom soon after Xanthus had said this.
Oh god what if they dont like me what if they make jokes *sigh* come on will be strong just a little snot noised kids who am i to talk look at me hehe thats it just play along with it he doesnt seem that hard got it just play along okay heres the room its showtime.
“I dunno Will, you have much bigger issues than schoolyard bullying to deal with,” said Anneli.
“But when you think about it, in this environment, he should expect something like that,” says Xanthus. “I mean, I think he’s gone on about everything else, right? And I’m guessing students would react badly to an alien teaching their class, since this entire continuum sounds super xenophobic.”
“Hm… that’s true,” conceded Anneli. “Yeah, don’t charge for that.”
As Will
walks in the room the room becomes silent "What the FUCK is a prawn doing here!" a kid yells,
The World jumped, causing both Anneli and Xanthus to let go of the scenery they were hanging on to. However, before they could plummet down the hallway, the scene shifted, causing the agents to land on the blackboard of the classroom that Will had walked into. Anneli had somehow ended up standing on the front of the teacher’s desk and was looking up at the students who sat in their chairs without being affected by gravity, while Cindy and Xanthus were both on the blackboard.
Cindy shook her head as she looked above her. “I don’t know what to make of the fact that I’m sitting on a blackboard,” she said.
“Neither do I,” said Xanthus. “This is just weird.” He looked up to Anneli as his fingers rapped against the surface of the blackboard. “Any new charges here, Anneli?”
“Yep,” replied the older agent as she took the opportunity to wipe some dust off of her clothes with her newly freed up hands. “Charge for saying ‘prawn’.”
“Why?” asked Cindy. “It seems like it’s a legitimate slur.”
“Well, you’re totally right about it being a racial slur, but in America it doesn’t make any sense,” replied the older female. “See, the guys in District 9 call them prawns because they look like an insect called the Parktown prawn. But, like, there are no Parktown prawns in America, let alone Alaska, so…”
“Ah.” The former Blue Suns merc nodded. “I see.” He marked the charges down before looking to the children. “I wonder what will happen with this class…”
The class then went on with the three observers going unnoticed by the extremely unruly students and the poor unfortunate alien at the end of most of the insults. Cindy frowned when the term ‘poleepkwan’ came up.
“Is that canon?” she asked.
Anneli shook her head. “Uh… It’s more fanon than anything,” she replied. “But otherwise, this is like, totally non-canon.”
“But it’s for stuff we’ve already charged them for, so…” Xanthus looked to his other agents. “Should we skip ahead?”
“Sure,” said Cindy. “I don’t want to have to deal with rotating gravity any more than I already have to.”
With this, Xanthus opened the portal in the blackboard. Cindy climbed into it, with Anneli jumping in soon after. Xanthus climbed down, and then they were back in the hallway, with the three agents crowded on the water fountain.
I think i found one that i could interview he's a janitor at a high school
As soon as the chapter kicked in, the word rotated again, and then Xanthus and Anneli found themselves slipping off the water fountain. Eventually, the both of them fell off, landing on the ceiling of the hallway soon after. They sat there in shock, even as Cindy somehow managed to grab a piece of the fountain to keep herself from falling. The witch then looked as Anneli and Xanthus slid down the floor. Their sliding stopped after two seconds, however, and they both looked up to the floor with a bewildered expression on their faces.
However, before they could say anything else, Xanthus’ eyes suddenly widened, and then he just flew right out of the school altogether. Cindy was so shocked she let go of the water fountain and landed right next to where Anneli was getting to her feet.
“Oh my God, Xanthus!” shouted Anneli, holding her hand out as the disguised turian was pulled away from him.
Cindy looked at Anneli as she shook her head. The witch then checked the Words, squinting as she looked on.
“Uh… Anneli…” she said. “Please tell me you brought a crash dummy.”
The older agent looked at her partner. “Crash Dummy?” she asked. “Wait, lemme see the words…”
I never thought i would find one i had to ask around alot but i did it everybody i talked to said he's very kind and cares for others thats what i need i want to see what his life is like. Okay here it is i turn off the car,
get out then begin to walk inside of the school
As the World jumped again, Anneli and Cindy both saw Xanthus walking back into the school, Anneli suddenly rummaging through her bag of holding.
“Crap!” she said. “It’s a POV change! Or a thought bubble, but that doesn’t matter since it wasn’t specified! Shit, and it’s changing POV again soon! Damn it, where are--!” And then she pulled out the cube. “Aha!”
She quickly inflated the cube just as a possessed Xanthus was about to walk over them. The cube inflated, and then took the form of Johnathan. As soon as it did, it flew right up to the floor, and then resumed walking upside down. The wraith left Xanthus, who then came falling down head first.
“Aresto momentum!”
Thankfully, Cindy was quick with her wand, and casted the charm on Xanthus before he could hit the ceiling. The disguised turian gently landed, looking right at Cindy and Anneli as he did.
He let out a sigh, feeling his body as his disguise wore off. He looked at them, back in his turian form again. “I… Oh, spirits…”
The witch was kneeling by the turian’s side almost instantly. “Xanthus, are you all right?”
“I…” He looked at the dummy as it walked down the hall. “I think so… Spirits, that was terrifying.”
“You’re safe now,” said Cindy, hugging the turian briefly. “You’ll be all right.”
“I hope so,” replied Xanthus. “I hear it’s horrible what happens to people who get Sued.”
“Yep,” replied Anneli, nodding as she bit her lower lip. “It’s totally not cool.” She knelt by the slightly dazed agent, patting one of the organic plates on his shoulders. “You’ll be all right, okay, Xanthus? You’ll be all right.”
The turian nodded, looking right at the dummy. “At least you got me before the POV shifted back to third person,” he says. “Thanks. I don’t know what would’ve happened then.”
“Don’t mention it,” said Cindy as she stood up.
As soon as this was said, the two female agents helped Xanthus to his feet. As soon as this was done, they watched as the dummy suddenly deflated, the real Johnathan taking form as the dummy fell to the ceiling. Anneli rushed over and picked it up as Johnathan then walked to the classroom where William was substituting.
"Yeah, here catch prawn go eat this can of Catfood"the kid says as he throws catfood at the scared prawn, without
thinking william dives for the catfood on instinct and began to eat it after he swallows both the catfood and can
Unsurprisingly, the World jumped again. “Well, that’s unnecessarily cruel,” said Cindy as they watched the can sail at William. The alien ate the entire can soon after, though a piece of aluminum did sail away from the alien’s insect-like mandibles when the World jumped. “Is that even canon?”
“Yeah, that’s just the class being evil,” said Anneli. “But, like, the cat food bit is canon. These aliens love cat food, to the point that it’s kinda like cocaine.”
“So I see,” said Xanthus, writing it down on the charge list.
"Hello you must be william"john says "yes i am what is it you want" Will
says as he looks embarassed for just hogging down the can of cat food. "uh well im a reporter for the Alaskan Daily News or ADN and was wondering if i could ask you some questions"John explains "Alright lets
go class behave ill be back"Will says as he walks out of the room behind John.
The World jumped twice as Anneli frowned at Will. The two original characters passed under the three agents as they walked off.
Instantly, the perkier agent posed. “Oh hey, class!” she said mockingly. “Like, I’m totally gonna ditch you now! Gotta play Twenty Questions with this man who didn’t even schedule an appointment right! I’ll be back!” The agent growled again, shaking her head in dismay.
“Why did they hire this guy for substitute teacher?” asked Xanthus. “I mean… Spirits, this isn’t just incompetent! It’s downright negligent!
"so what is it you want to ask first"Will asks, As john presses the record button he asks "First off how did you get citizenship" "Well
at first you had to put your scrawl on a paper they passed out in district 13, Then they randomly picked 250 prawns"Will explained "Were you one of the first 250?"John asked "No i wasnt picked until 5 years
ago, I was born on the ship before we arrived, I was 3 years old "Will explained once more
“Hm…” Anneli rubbed her chin. “Well, apart from basically the entire premise, Johnathan isn’t really evil.”
“Doesn’t look like it, no,” replied Xanthus. “I say he’s a slave to the fic.”
Cindy looked at her two agents. “What do we do then?” she asked.
“Well, either we can recruit him to the PPC, or we can neuralyze him and let him integrate back into canon,” said Xanthus. “As for William, though…”
“He broke the canon,” said Anneli with a frown. “I say we kill ‘im.”
“Yeah, we’ll figure that out later,” said Xanthus. “Well… there’s nothing really that charge worthy throughout the rest of this chapter, so…” The turian checked the Words, reading through them again as William and Johnathan walked off. “So… should we see what this guy’s past entails?”
“Sure,” said Anneli with a nod. She activated the RA soon after, with Cindy grabbing the crash dummy from the ground. “Come on!”
With this, she created a portal into the next chapter.
----**----
I remember the first day i got off the ship i was sitting on a pile of tires looking for my father nervously i couldnt see him, i began to get scared then once they began to hand out food i seen him lying on the ground i thought he was dead but he was close to it, i held him in my arms till he died i wept long after, He was killed for a can of catfood he was handed, That was only the beginning.
The World rocked slightly, but thankfully, the dummy had reinflated, walking around with the spirit of Will inside. Of to the side, however, the word cyclone had started up again, even as the World shifted around the agents. Now, it was leaning a little to the side, but now the tilt had started working at a different angle as well, as the three agents noticed right when they found themselves hanging on to a spare relief tent nearby.
“Oh dear,” said Cindy, noticing their tilt in relation to the World. “This just got worse…”
“If by that, you mean uncomfortable, then yeah, you’ve got no objections from me,” replied Xanthus, indicating the three agents’ proximity to each other. “Thankfully, we’re… well…”
He indicated to the other two agents, and it was only then that they both noticed that they were disguised as the aliens again.
“Yeah, that’ll be like, totally useful,” said Anneli sarcastically. “Ya know, if they don’t see us hanging upside-down at an angle first!”
when i was 16 my
childhood friend Trip needed help i didnt know why he ran in my shack scared, i mean really scared i had no idea what was happening. then he started to try and explain but he was so freaked out he was only speaking in broken sentances he kept sayin "MNU...KILLING...HELP...STOP..THEM"
The World jumped yet again, causing Cindy to nearly lose her grip on the tent. She could have sworn that her wand was near the snapping point, but she didn’t dare let go of it. Even if she technically could use wandless magic, she general preferred not to.
Anything was better than being reminded of Heather Draconius again.
Anneli shifted slightly. “Oh, why is the world doing that?” she asked. “It’s been jumping non-stop ever since we got here!”
“Look at the Words,” explained Xanthus. “And then look at where the paragraph breaks are.”
Anneli did this, and then she frowned. “My God, no wonder the World keeps jumping!” she said. “There’s no care put in there at all!”
The World jumped again, and this time Cindy lost her grip. Before she could begin falling up, however, she managed to grab onto Xanthus’ leg. Still, she let out a loud squeal as she then hugged the disguised turian’s legs, squeezing her eyes shut.
I didnt know what to do, finnaly when he calmed down he told me when alot of the prawns started to rebel because they set
up curfews, lowered the amount of ration we get so we needed to start hunting but only within District 13's walls which it is very decolate there is hardly any life in these walls, what do they expect us to hunt. So at that point when the riots started MNU came in and started shooting all of the prawns that didnt obey.
Right before Xanthus could say anything else, the World shook, and all of a sudden, the entire ground of what the agents assumed was District 13 was morphed into a gigantic slab of dark chocolate.
“W… What?” asked Anneli as she noticed the word cyclone off to the side intensify quite a bit. “Why’s the ground chocolate?”
“The Words say ‘decolate’,” replied Cindy, who had managed to open her eyes just enough to see the Word mishap above her. “And then, the floor was made of chocolate.” She shook her head, hugging Xanthus’ legs harder. “Thank Merlin there are no chocolate frogs in this continuum.”
I never was a fighter and never want to be, but when my closest friend comes to me for help i was
willing to fight because of the things he told me i needed to get out of there so i wasnt tempted to kill the guards. So thats when i tried the lottery again but this time you couldnt have a criminal record to try and get citizenship this was the first time they did it this way which made alot of the others mad but I understood why. Only me and 7 other prawns got in. My best friend,My brother Trip couldnt go with me i didnt understand he didnt have a criminal record it didnt make any since.
“Uh… is this kind of past normal for one of these guys?” asked Xanthus as the World jumped yet again.
“I don’t think so,” replied Anneli. “The citizenship bit can be forgiven, but MNU wasn’t really that bad until the drive to relocate all the aliens to District 10!” The older female agent looked at the prawns. “It shows this dude doesn’t get apartheid, too!”
“Why?” asked Cindy. “It sounds really bad, the oppression.”
“Yeah, but, like, most of the stuff that happened in a township wasn’t really totally the fault of the white people,” shouted Anneli. “The people within the townships also did terrible things to each other. Crime rates in the townships were really bad, though the white people totally didn’t help.”
“Infighting within the townships?” asked Cindy. “You’d think they would band together!”
Xanthus shook his head. “Not really,” he said. “When forced into awful conditions like this, it becomes every man for himself, pretty much.”
Anneli moved to reply when she felt something suddenly drip onto her face. Looking up, she saw that the dark chocolate ground had started melting. However, thanks to the gravity, the chocolate had begun dripping up rather than down. Not only was it beginning to fly into the agents’ faces, but it was also floating up into the sky.
“Okay, seriously, Xanthus, can you just tell me what happens in this chapter?” she asked. “Like, I do not want to stay here any longer than I have to.”
“Neither do I,” admitted the former merc. He then squinted, checking the Words as briefly as he could. “Okay, the next half of the chapter is just Will talking about how he broke his friend Trip out of District 13. And… I don’t really know, he goes way too into detail about it given that this is a TV reporter he’s talking to. Like… check this.”
Anneli squinted to find the following in the Words:
I ended up staying the night there for 3 weeks trying to think of ways to get Trip out. On the third week it was a Thursday when i saw a group of other prawns huddled turns out they were wanting to escape as well i was so grateful. Turns out they had preparing since the last lottery to get out the same one i got out on.
They had wire cutters they made from bits of rusty broken metals rubber from tires wrapped around the handles to stop them from getting shocked from the electric fence that surrounded the entire camp.That night we snuck out of our shacks regrouped and made our way to a fence wall that was far from the watch towers and very dark. When the very bright colored prawn beside me got the cutters and tried to cut through the wires he cut them but the minute he did it an alarm went off.
“Like, oh my God,” said Anneli as she gave an annoyed frown. “Here he is talking to the guy, and half the things he talks about is how he technically committed a crime? Like, how stupid is this guy?”
“Very, from the looks of it,” replied Cindy. She glanced down at the sky below her before shuddering and gripping Xanthus’ legs tighter. “Also, is it me, or will this interview end up being useless to this reporter?”
“Probably,” said Xanthus. “He’s spending half of it talking about how badly he got it and how he’s trying to break Trip out of there. There really should be a lot more there about how bad things are in District 13.
“Yeah, like, a lot more,” added Anneli. “I’ve had enough of this shit. Xanthus, portal us to the next chapter. We’re ending this! Now!”
Xanthus looked down at Cindy, and then at Anneli. “Uh… can you do it?” he asked. “I have my hands and legs full at the moment. If I let go… Cindy and I might well follow.”
“Oh, come on!” said Anneli, looking down at the witch. “Cindy, use your levitation charm on him or something!”
The former Beauxbatons student simply shook her head. “I might lose my grip on Xanthus,” she said fearfully. “I need a free arm to cast a spell!”
“Like, oh my God,” said Anneli, shaking her head. She then inhaled deeply, looking at Xanthus. “Okay, let’s see if I can create a portal with the RA while hanging on by one hand.”
With this, Anneli reached into the bag of holding, making sure it was with her right hand. She reached across her body, pulling stuff out and checking it from her left side as she tried to find the RA. She shook her head, being met with very little success.
However, right as she looked over at the scene, she felt some chocolate suddenly splash in her face. The agent closed her eyes instinctively, and then moved her hand to wipe the chocolate off.
It wasn’t until she was falling away that she realized that she had let go.
Letting out a loud scream, Anneli reached out, barely managing to grab onto Cindy’s legs as what looked like a little thing of lipstick fell out of the bag of holding. It catapulted towards the sky, even as Anneli began quivering against the witch’s legs.
The expression on Xanthus and Cindy’s faces were much less than amused as Anneli whimpered below them. The witch and the merc both glanced at each other before looking down at Anneli.
“Not so easy now, I take it?” asked Cindy.
Anneli whimpered in reply.
“So…” The witch looked up at Xanthus. “I guess we wait until the scene shift takes us back?”
“Yep, I think—”
"Wow, I'm sorry to here that "john said sadly "I eventually snuck into the city it was hard due to the amount of security "Will ensured
The scene then abruptly changed back to the school hallway, with Xanthus holding on to a water fountain. The World then shook a little, and gravity shifted again so that they were more or less hanging parallel to the floor again.
This time, Anneli and Cindy breathed out in relief, as Anneli let go and dropped all of two inches onto the side of a row of lockers. Cindy followed soon after, even as Anneli leaned against the floor, panting gratefully.
“Like, that was a close one!” said the preppier agent. “Yeah, you’re right about it being scary. Cindy, I’m sorry if… well… I should’ve been more sensitive to how you were feeling.”
The Beauxbatons student simply smiled. “It’s fine, Anneli,” she replied. “Don’t worry about it.”
Anneli nodded. “Yeah,” she said. “Still… I’ll work on that.”
Cindy simply nodded and gave her partner an approving smile.
Xanthus, who was still hanging on to the water fountain, cleared his throat as John and Will both walked in between them into an abandoned classroom. “Yeah, that’s great and all, but we need to kill the alien now and get the reporter guy in good hands.”
Anneli nodded, quickly manipulating the DORKS so that she and Cindy were human again. With this, the two female agents stepped into the classroom after Will and John, Xanthus following close behind.
"so is he still okay did they ever find out?"john asked "No, never and i want to keep it that way "Will said raising his voice
“John is planning on broadcasting this, isn’t he?” asked Cindy as they stepped into the room.
“I think so,” said Xanthus. “Either way… I’m getting tired of not standing on the floor. Anneli, Cindy, what say we fix this all up right now?”
“Yeah, like, I’m totally game for that,” replied Anneli.
"Calm down just a simple question "john said getting nervous "sorry its just get angry on the subject "will explained
“Oh, trust me Will, you’re not the only one angry at this whole set-up.”
John and Will both looked at the door to see a trio of people standing on the wall. John gave a flabberghasted expression as he looked at this, wondering how it was possible for people to stand on a wall and just randomly teleport in.
Anneli, satisfied that she had their attention, jumped forward, landing on one of the student desks closer to the teacher’s desk.
“what who are you what are you doing here ” asked Will.
“We’re here to fix up a lot of shit that you created,” said Anneli. “So let’s get to it. Xanthus?”
The only alien in the group pulled up a strange orange computer that the two original characters were fairly sure didn’t exist. He scrolled through some menus before clearing his throat and nodding to Will and John.
“Right,” he said. “William… uh… No-last-name, we are agents Anneli Rodriguez, Xanthus Garkaran, and Cinderella of the Protectors of the Plot Continuum. You have been charged with lacking a disclaimer, having a stupid and plot-hole riddled premise, missing punctuation, missing capitals, having multiple people speak in the same paragraph, spelling things badly, incessant run-on sentences, poorly defining the scenery, causing the world to jump, creation of a word cyclone, horrible misrepresentation of how journalism works, fusing with another character briefly, confusing use of quotation marks, tilting the world repeatedly, use of italics throughout the entire story for no reason…” He glanced up at Will. “Thanks for that, by the way. You made it harder for all of us.”
“ what teh world isnt tilting it is fine what are you talking about” asked John.
“It’s not tilting to you, but to us, it is,” said Cindy.
“And trust us, you wouldn’t believe some of the stuff we’ve gone through to get to this point,” added Xanthus. “Anyway… where was I? Oh yes… Use of accidental chatspeak, horribly misrepresenting the way substitute teachers work in any school system, completely breaking the canon of District 9 by having an alien in the continuum that is biologically able to speak perfect English, casual use of the term “prawn” by an alien, using the term “prawn” in a place without Parktown prawns, abandoning a class full of students to play twenty questions with a reporter, having consistently bad paragraph breaks, turning the ground into a mass of chocolate, spending half an interview with a news reporter talking about how you technically committed a crime, giving him a useless interview, annoying PPC agents, getting uncomfortably close to indirectly killing PPC agents several times, and possibly being a canon-breaking Gary Stu.”
“We’re not sure that you’re an actual Gary Stu, but, like, given that you completely broke canon earlier, we’re not taking any chances,” added Anneli.
Will stood up, looking at the agents. “For this, you are being put to--!”
Before Cindy could even finish the sentence, the alien malevolently glared at the three agents, and then he snapped his fingers quickly.
What happened next shocked the hell out of everyone in the room. All of the objects in the room suddenly seemed to obey the actual gravity of the room. Desks, chairs, chalk stubs, pencils, books, bookshelves, school supplies, everything suddenly lurched and fell down to the back wall.
Anneli and Johnathan both let out a scream as the furniture beneath them gave way, but before they could do much else, Cindy had pointed her wand at Anneli.
“Wingardium leviosa!”
Anneli then suddenly stopped mid-fall, holding her hand out to John. Without thinking, the ADN reporter took it, looking around as he suddenly seemed to be snapped out of a stupor. A few seconds later, gravity righted itself, and Cindy and Xanthus both fell to the proper floor of the room as the furniture did something similar.
“What the fuck is going on?” Johnathan yelled.
At this, William turned his attention to the reporter. “ quite you i am important you will cover my storey because we are american prawns and we will stay that way “he said.
“Yeah, well, if you’re going to move it to America, at least make sure it makes sense with the movie’s apartheid allegory, you ass!” shouted Anneli.
The poleepkwa then defied gravity and suddenly jumped up to the ceiling. The effect was almost instantaneous.
As Anneli and Johnathan both floated to the top of the room, gravity shifted, and suddenly the furniture was rushing up the back wall and spilling out onto the ceiling. Cindy and Xanthus were both shocked as suddenly, they fell on their sides, the ceiling then becoming their new floor.
“Spirits, he can control gravity!” shouted Xanthus as he scrambled to his feet. “Anneli, John, be careful!”
“Uh, we’re like, floating here!” said Anneli.
“Then hope that the charm holds!” shouted Cindy. “It might not hold lo--!”
Xanthus then shoved Cindy out of the way as William then jumped at the opposing alien. Briefly, both aliens slammed against the door, and suddenly the entire World seemed to regard it as the new floor. As Anneli and Johnathan watched from the relative safety of the air, the furniture was sent flying against the wall, and a bunch of binders, books, and chalk pieces rained down on Cindy as she fell against the door as well.
“oh you will see we are powerful you are no match”—
Promptly, the alien was kicked across the room by Xanthus, landing on the actual floor. Gravity shifted again, the furniture falling over in a heap as Cindy landed face-first. Xanthus landed too, but he had managed to brace his arms before he landed, and getting up, he broke into a run at William. Anneli and Johnathan then managed to make it to the top of the room, Anneli holding a hand against it as Johnathan watched Xanthus tackle the other alien.
The two of them slammed against the windows, and then gravity shifted again. As Anneli and Johnathan floated to the wall on the door, the furniture on the floor slipped over and fell to the window. Cindy’s shriek as she ended up reaching for purchase and failing to get it was terrifying, and even as Xanthus punched the alien in the face, she managed to land right on top of where a filing cabinet had shifted.
“We’ll see about that, you shifty son of a bitch!”
In reply, William kicked Xanthus with enough force to send him away. The alien jumped up, then throwing Xanthus as hard as he could against the blackboard. The District 9 alien landed on the floor, but before gravity could officially shift, he had leapt off and landed on the blackboard.
The chairs and desks suddenly went flying towards the blackboard, even as Cindy was knocked to the front of the room. Screaming loudly, she flicked her wand, pointing it at the furniture.
“Protego maxima!”
The furniture abruptly hit a rather large bubble, keeping it from falling on herself, Will, or Xanthus. The loud crash, however, was not so good.
Somehow unable to see Xanthus and Will brawl underneath them, Johnathan looked up to Anneli. “Do something!”
Anneli looked down. “Well, what can I do?” asked the agent. “I’m floating around here, in case you haven’t noticed!”
“Air support!” shouted Johnathan as he looked down. “I dunno. Maybe something to get the gravity to work against that… that thing he’s fighting. I don’t know! I thought it was an alien, but after seeing all this…”
“Trust me, he’s no alien,” replied Anneli as the sounds of fighting continually went down before them. “This is a Gary Stu now, and, like, the most dangerous one I’ve ever seen!”
“Well, do something!” he said. “Like, get him to fall to his death or something! I don’t know! If you can make him fall out of here and somewhere else! I don’t know! Air support!”
With this, John grabbed his camera, preparing to throw it at the Stu.
They saw the room shift again, the furniture falling towards the wall on the same side of the door. The desks cleared away, and they were plainly able to see Xanthus and the Stu duking it out on the wall as Cindy was hanging on the edge of the blackboard closer to the window. Clearly, she was hanging on for dear life, about to fall into…
“That’s it!” said Anneli. “John, grab my leg!”
“W-what?” The reporter looked up at the agent nervously.
“Just do it!” she said. “I got an idea!”
With this, the reporter shrugged, his camera slung over his shoulder as he then grabbed a hold of Anneli’s ankle. The woman then proceeded to let go, rummaging through her bag of holding as quickly as she could.
“Come on, where are you… Come on… Come on… aha!” With this, Anneli pulled out the RA out of her bag, looking over at Xanthus. “Xanthus, Cindy! Get Will onto the ceiling!”
If the yell registered, Anneli didn’t quite see it, for then Will fell onto the ceiling from a particularly powerful kick. The furniture, Xanthus, Cindy, and everything else all fell onto the ceiling, Xanthus looking at William as the alien stood up.
Before Xanthus could do anything, though, Cindy raised her wand at the offending Stu.
“Stupefy!”
The Stu was promptly stunned into falling onto the ceiling, looking around with a bewildered expression on its face.
“Hey, William!” shouted Anneli as she floated up to the floor. “You know what they say!” She then keyed some things on the RA, grinning gleefully.
“People always set up their own downfall!”
With this, she opened a portal directly within the ceiling. Xanthus and Cindy had gotten their bearings just in time to see the alien Stu fall through the portal… and fall right up into the sky. He fell ever faster, eventually becoming nothing more than a speck in the very far distance. He just kept on falling up with no seeming end in sight.
And within a minute or so, gravity suddenly returned to normal within the room. Cindy, Xanthus, and the furniture all fell to the floor with a pretty resounding crash, and suddenly John found himself laying on the floor again. At that precise moment, the Levitation Charm had also worn off, and so Anneli felt herself laying on the floor too. After a second of disorientation, she then stood up, wobbling slightly from the dizziness.
Shaking her head and bracing a fallen desk for support, she looked over to where Cindy and Xanthus were. They, too, were disoriented, and they both were hanging on to something to stabilize themselves. They all simply looked at each other for a few minutes, panting and trying to get used to gravity behaving normally again.
After a few minutes, Anneli sighed. “Like, I never thought I’d get to say this, but I am so glad that Sir Isaac Newton exists.”
“So… did he just fall into space or something?” asked Cindy.
“I hope so,” said Xanthus. “He wouldn’t survive out there for long, that’s for sure. And when he was gone…” He gestured to the room around them, and then frowned. As Cindy casted a charm to take away the shield, the furniture shifted slightly and revealed a rather… messy problem.
“Oh dear,” said Johnathan. “I dunno about you guys, but I am not up for being here when people show up and wonder what the fuck just happened.” He gestured to himself. “I mean, I don’t even know what the fuck just happened, and I saw it all!”
“Johnathan, you were just the lucky witness of a Gary Stu assassination,” said Anneli. “Normally, they are nowhere near as crazy as… that. Still, there you go.”
Cindy nodded as she pulled out her wand. “We’ll have to fix this all up,” she said. “Let me take care of that.”
She pointed it at the room and began cleaning it thoroughly as Xanthus limped forward slightly. He stood in front of Anneli and Johnathan with an exasperated expression as he looked at his fellow Floater.
“Well…” he said. “With him gone… I think we should check to see if the other aliens are still in District 13.”
“Yeah, let’s,” said Anneli, opening a portal to where District 13 was supposed to be.
When the portal itself opened, however, the ground had reverted back from being made of chocolate to being made of… normal ground. Thankfully. There were also no tents at all on that ground, and any trace that the aliens had ever been there was completely gone.
“Okay…” said Anneli. “So we don’t need to do a thing there. I wonder what happened to that other alien… Trip?”
“You mean the guy Will mentioned?” asked Johnathan. “Is he really all right?”
“If he is, we have to do some things with him,” said Xanthus. “No, they don’t involve outright killing him. Anneli, open a portal to that apartment, please.”
With this, the agent did this, and opened the apartment to find a slightly dazed Trip walking within a run-down apartment. He looked at Anneli, walking right through the portal without even saying a word.
“What… what happened?” he asked.
Xanthus blinked as the alien was suddenly speaking in its own native language. “Well… a lot of things happened,” said Anneli as she pulled on her sunglasses.
“Johnathan, cover your eyes and close them,” said Xanthus as he also put his shades on.
Johnathan did as he was told and covered his eyes. He heard a flash go off, and then opened his eyes as Anneli closed… whatever that hole in reality was.
“Okay, Trip, you are an alien,” said Xanthus. “However, you have never stepped foot in America. In fact, you have never left your house in District 9 all the way in Johannesburg, South Africa. You never knew anyone named William, and citizenship is not possible for one of your kind to get.” The portal opened behind Trip for Johnathan to see a very decrepit township flooded with aliens. “Now, this portal will take you back home. Everything you saw today is a bad dream that you’ll forget as soon as you wake up.”
A still dazed Trip walked through the portal obediently, not saying a word as he did. The portal closed behind him, leaving Johnathan to look on in an extremely confused manner.
“What… What the hell is going on?” asked the very confused reporter. “This is all just… What…?”
“It’s… a long story,” said Xanthus. “Basically, we work with an agency that goes into worlds and fixes things up.”
“It’s crazy,” said Cindy, coming up and storing her wand as she looked to the now tidied room all around her. “But I think you’d like it. It’s got constant pay, and the people are nice.”
Johnathan looked around nervously, shaking his head. “I’m not sure this is my idea of fun,” he said. “I mean, I don’t know about you, but being in danger of dying every day doesn’t sound good, you know.”
“Well, then, like, we’ve got other jobs,” said Anneli with a shrug. “I’m sure we could find somethin’ for you. I hear the Multiverse Monitor might be in need of some reporters.”
Xanthus frowned. “Wait, I thought that paper went on hiatus and never came back up!” said the disguised turian.
“I hear some people are trying to start it back up again,” replied Anneli.
This seemed to get Johnathan’s attention. “Multiverse Monitor?”
“It was, like, this tabloid that was run by the PPC years ago,” she said. “I hear they’re trying to start it back up or something.” Anneli shrugged. “Of course, if I’m wrong about that… well… we’ve got other things you could probably help us out with. Other jobs that aren’t anywhere near as dangerous as the field work.”
Johnathan looked to the side. “Well… to be honest, Alaska does get a little lonely sometimes,” he mentioned. “And I’ve been looking for just a little more excitement.” He glanced around. “Though I think this was a little too much excitement.”
“Can’t say I blame you there,” said Cindy, looking around. “That is the most wild and unruly I have ever seen it get.”
“Well…” Johnathan shrugged. “Well, okay. What’s the worst that ca—?”
“Don’t finish that,” said Xanthus as Anneli opened another portal to somewhere else in Johannesburg. “The Ironic Overpower spares nobody.”
Johnathan blinked. “The Ironic Overpower?”
“It’s…” Anneli threw her hands up. “Nevermind. The guys at Fic Psych can explain it better.” She then gestured to Johnathan. “Come on. Oh, and, like, welcome to the Protectors of the Plot Continuum.”
----**----
As soon as they returned to the RC, Anneli plunked down on the couch, letting out a loud yawn.
“Well, like, that was a tough mission,” she said.
“Hopefully, we won’t have to do anything like that for a long time,” said Xanthus with a shrug. “I mean… that was just insane.”
Cindy simply walked over, Jazmine and Tiana squealing in delight as they flew over to the witch. She glanced at them, a smile coming to her face as they landed on her shoulder.
“Oh, I’ll bet you are hungry,” said Cindy sweetly.
Jazmine was content to purr, while Tiana simply gave Cindy a rather unamused look. Cindy simply chuckled nervously.
“I’ll get right on that, then.”
With this, the youngest agent in the RC walked over to the fridge, even as Xanthus plopped down on the couch next to Anneli. Nobody said anything more, and then soon after Anneli dozed off, thinking about how oddly Inception-esque the entire mission had turned out to be.
----**----
A/N: Hello again, children. This time, I bring you a really god-awful District 9 fanfic. I mean, you know your fic is bad when it breaks canon horrifically within three paragraphs of the second chapter.
Though in this case, I wasn’t totally sure what I was going to do with it. Long story about how that happened. Either way, I think I came up with a lot of things, and it ended up being a lot more Inception-esque than I think I would have gleaned earlier. Crazy times are had for everyone.
Though, I didn’t get to get to some of the parts, but really, after a while, it degenerated into an action fic. The movie did something similar, but it still had a plot that made sense, so… I’m actually kind of grateful for that. Beyond the point that I stopped, the fic turned Johnathan (yes, spelled with the ‘h’ in there, don’t ask me why) into a complete idiot by airing that interview on state-wide TV, if not public access. And then he’s surprised when MNU officials show up and take him into custody while everyone around him is all “hey, you just helped us catch a criminal”. Well, you basically aired a confession to things, John, what did you think was gonna happen? And no, they’re not gonna fixate on the fact that the alien was trying to help the other guy out. In a xenophobic state like the one pictured in this fic, they’re likely not gonna care about that stuff. There are various other plot holes that come up from that, but really, there’s nothing that really goes against the canon as much as the aliens from this continuum speaking English!
Oh, and the italics thing? That shows up in the actual story. No, really, see for yourself: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6704333/1/District_13 Almost everything in this story is in italics. I’m not sure why, but it’s something I have never seen in any fanfic, ever. So I’m not sure what was up with that.
As for other things… the whole “refer to them as poleepkwan” thing is fanon: it stems from something that we see in Alive in Joburg (which is the short film that District 9 was an expansion of—seriously, if you don’t check out District 9, at least check out Alive in Joburg). One of the people that we see in Alive in Joburg refers to the aliens as “poleepkwa”. There’s speculation that it’s a term from a certain African language (and since it was said by a black person, there’s certainly credence to that), though I don’t remember which one it is. Either way, it’s become the term that almost every fan of the movie has used to avoid using “prawn”, as in-universe “prawn” is considered an extremely derogatory term. “Prawn” is to an alien of that continuum what “kaffir” is to apartheid-era black people.
And to make sure you don’t get punched in the face (or worse) in the unlikely event that you meet a black guy from South Africa, “kaffir” is the South African equivalent of a certain six-letter word that starts with the letter ‘N’ and is also a racial slur. So please don’t use it. Ever.
So yeah, that’s that for this fic. Hope you guys enjoyed the mission!
-Herr Wozzeck