[Disclaimer: The PPC belongs to Jay and Acacia, Halo is the property of Microsoft, while Agents Jake and Jiashu are mine. The fic sporked within is the property of one KiddInABoxx.]
Welcome to RC 116, Agents
Jiashu could tell Jake was one of those people. You know the ones. The first time you look at them you can tell that they’re just weird. He couldn’t decide if it was the way Jake moved or the weapons that the man was fiddling with.
“Agent... Jake?” Jiashu said hesitantly. The older man looked up at Jiashu, then rose from his seat.
“That’s me.” He said, setting down a cleaning rod and the barrel for what appeared to be a disassembled handgun. Jake held out a hand. “And you must be Agent Jiashu.”
Jiashu shook the offered hand. "Yeah. Well, full name's Jiashu, but most people just call me Jay." He felt more than a little awkward. In comparison to the older man, Jiashu was rather small and gangly; Jake was much bulkier, and moved fluidly. Jiashu wore a red long-sleeved shirt with white shorts and sandals; Jake was wearing a black set of cargo pants with a t-shirt of matching color and heavy looking combat boots. Jake had attached his DMS flashpatch on the shirt. It stood out on the outfit, and didn’t really seem to fit.
“Nice to meet you.” Jake said and sat back down again, returning his attention to the handgun, beginning to meticulously put it back together.
“Your dossier mentioned you were special forces?” Jiashu asked, hesitantly. Jake just nodded.
“What branch?”
“Marine Corps.”
Jiashu felt his eyes drawn back to the handgun. It was now mostly assembled. Something clicked in his mind.
“That wouldn’t be the Marine Corps of the UNSC, would it? That means you’re an ODST!”
Jake glanced up at Jiashu, then gestured at the handgun, which happened to be an M6C/SOCOM, the standard issue sidearm for Orbital Drop Shock Troopers. “You recognize this, then,” he said.
“Of course!”
“Yes, I was an ODST. Private First Class, 105th Shock Troopers Division.”
Jiashu seemed to almost literally be bubbling. This was so cool. He was going to get the chance to actually work with an ODST!
“How long were you in?” he asked.
“I was in for a few months,” Jake answered, slapping a magazine into the pistol. “Not too-”
BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-
Jake jumped out of the chair and took cover behind what appeared to be a grey sofa, while Jiashu just slapped his hands so hard over his ears he felt his ears pop.
“The hell is that coming from?” Jake yelled over the noise.
Jiashu glanced around the room, looking for anything that might be making the noise. There didn’t appear to be any sort of speaker or siren, but there was that weird console on the table. Jiashu wandered over to the console and searched fruitlessly for a volume switch. Jiashu finally took one hand off his head and randomly tapped a button. The beeping stopped and words appeared on the screen.
“Our first job already?”
Jiashu jumped. Even in the dead silence he hadn’t heard Jake walk up right behind him. Jake seemed to notice this. “Sorry,” he said.
Jiashu mumbled a timid “It’s cool,” and looked back at the screen.
There was a full ten-second silence before Jake spoke: “This bitch is dead.” He immediately began moving to gather his equipment.
It took another ten full seconds for Jiashu to move and begin helping Jake gather the necessary equipment. Neuralyzer, DORKS, CADs...
By the time he had gotten most of his stuff crammed into a bag, Jake was already standing in the middle of the Response Center, looking a mite impatient and holding an inflated crash dummy.
“I would say we haven’t got all day but, you know...” He trailed off. The nonchalant statement threw Jiashu a bit off-guard, and he paused momentarily with his hand on an RA.
As soon as Jiashu stuffed the last piece of equipment into his bag, Jake opened a portal and tossed the crash dummy in, stepping through right behind it. Jiashu followed on his heels. The portal took them to a strange blank, grey world.
Jiashu looked around. “I guess this is where we sta-”
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story except for Cassie Zeller and Kelease, but all other characters are owned by bungie…etc.
“Actually Halo is all owned by Microsoft.” Jake said dryly as his partner blinked at the sudden materialization of Words. “Right of being the producer, and all that.”
Summary: The life story of a girl that became good friends with John / Master Chief, in training… but after the war on halo she befriends an outcast elite.
“A SPARTAN Sue?” Jiashu said incredulously. “On our first mission?”
“Looks like it.” Jake said, and smiled at Jiashu. “Right into the fire, eh?”
Chapter 1:
How I became a Spartan.
Hi, my names Cassie Zeller… as few of you know I am a Spartan, one of the very few left from the 'Spartan II project… Yes their are more Spartans left other than Spartan 117, or as I call him John seeing how we have been friends for quite sometime I'm here to tell you the story of how I befriended 'Kelease' (Kee-lease) a loyal Elite that I have been friends ever since I was captured after the destruction of halo and he helped me escape, seeing how he had become an outcast… now on with the story
Jiashu poked at the floating apostrophe. “Curious.” He said simply, then looked around. The world seemed to be attempting to apply a possessive noun to existence.
“Wrong ‘there.’” Jake hummed, pulling out some form of datapad and tapping on it. “Already a failure to research proper copyright, which is forgivable, improper apostrophe, improper ‘there,’ altering canon to make her Sue a friend of John-117, and improper Elite naming conventions. The fact that it’s well-known that there are SPARTANs other than John still alive is also forgivable, as you wouldn’t really know that from the games.”
The day I woke up to see I was not lying in my own bed, was quite a surprise.
Jake chuckled. Jiashu glanced over at his partner, who shrugged.
“Welcome to my life.” The veteran said as a grey, nondescript bed with an equally nondescript human in it materialized out of thin air. “I wonder if she ever had a sleepover.”
“Shouldn’t we disguise ourselves?” Jiashu asked.
Jake’s eyebrows furrowed a bit. “Probably not necessary yet. We’re both human and should mostly fit in. You might want to keep a low profile, though.”
Seeing how I was only 6 years old and had been kidnapped of some sort and taken to a different planet away from my family was very surprising to as the Sargent or petty officer, whatever their called ordered me and many other children, or trainees as they called us… to go into the big room which was basically well… as big as the Hall at my school.
“She magically knows she’s on another planet?” Jiashu pondered.
“I’m more worried with the fact that she doesn’t seem particularly concerned with changing planet, age, or being yelled at by drill sergeants.” Jake said, tapping his datapad furiously. “Must be a self-insert, improper spelling of ‘sergeant,’ and strangely placed ellipses.”
“Is the drill sergeant thing really that bad?” Jiashu peaked over at the screen. “Also add in an improper ‘to.’”
Jake gave Jiashu a look that managed to fully convey the ‘are you bloody kidding me’ thought as he tapped out the extra charge. “I still have nightmares about my drill instructors. And odds are they would probably only know the sergeants and petty officers as ‘drill instructors.’”
Jiashu nodded dumbly and returned his attention to the Words.
So there we are standing there around a hundred or so of us, look! I'm not counting all of the people in here! I'd be dead by the time I actually got through them all from losing count and stating over again and again…
“She has a hard time counting to seventy-five?”
“Apparently it’s close enough to one-hundred for her.” Jiashu responded, shrugging and scribbling something down on his notepad.
But as the Petty Officer was telling us that we had been selected for training and hopefully being selected for something oh so special in the future…
Anyhow, training went fine, oh so did classes with déja.
Jake blinked, his mouth opening and closing furiously. Several seconds went by, and then the outburst came.
“Training went fine? It went fine?” He barked, barely managing to control his volume, although a passing lab technician blinked and shook his head as he passed by Jake.
“Dozens of push-ups whenever you make a mistake, weekly, if not daily, timed runs, strenuous obstacles courses, high-level college courses, not to mention getting beaten back into line with electric prods if they tried to leave, and she says they went ‘fine?’” Jake’s teeth were gritted as he tapped out lines on his pad. “Do we have to wait for her to be all grown up and special before killing her?”
Jiashu mentally made a note to not trivialize special forces training. “I’m afraid so. Besides, I think we would have issues with putting a bullet in the head of a six-year old.”
Jake deflated a bit. “You’re right there.” He continued making furious taps at the datapad’s screen.
I had been paired up with two nice people for my training on the grounds called the 'playground'.
We actually became very good friends but sadly Katie and James did not survive the augmenting when we were 15.
Jake looked down to see a mini-Hunter bumping into his leg. “You’re Katie, I presume.” The little Hunter made a high-pitched groan and sat itself down on Jake’s boot. The agent was glad he had decided to wear his combat boots; Hunter back spines are known to be sharp enough to punch through armor with ease. Apparently the smaller ones weren’t quite as deadly. Jake bit his lip, resisting the urge to shoot it. “Why did we get a mini out of that? I don’t recall there being a ‘Katy’ or any name like that in the S-II Program.”
Jiashu bent down and examined the mini-Hunter. “The Words must’ve thought it was a mistake of Kat’s name, from Halo: Reach. Since her full name is probably Katherine or she was nicknamed Katy at some point, that’s probably not a bad assumption to make.”
“Uh-huh.” Jake muttered, turning back to the fic and trying to ignore the alien on his foot.
But lucky for me I had befriended most of the other Trainees and was very good friends with John, Kelly and Sam… Spartan 117 is still my friend to this day, but Kelly and Sam… (Their Spartan numbers skip my mind) they were good friends but after the incident in where Sam had to stay and be killed on the convenant ship all because his suit had been punctured.
“Befriending kind of happens.” Jake commented. “But having augmented memory probably means you could remember their ‘names.’”
“Chalk it up to being too lazy to spend thirty seconds on Google.” Jiashu responded. “Also doesn’t say what happened to Kelly, and ‘convenant’ just sounds like it was the most convenient ship to kill Sam on.”
John and Kelly had no spare time to patch it up or they would have been in the ship whilst it blown up as well…
But then after the time when Dr. Halsey took Kelly away somewhere, she has been marked KIA since then, probably never to be heard of again…
But now onto the time where I meet Kelease, and his helpings in my escape from high charity.
Jake growled as the agents were swept through yet another transition. “As if the Covenant would let a captured SPARTAN live. Might want to disguise ourselves now.”
Jiashu nodded and pulled out the DORKS. After he and fiddled with it for a minute there was a prrrp sound and he became an Unggoy. The diminutive alien looked up at Jake.
“Your turn.”
Jake frowned. “Must I?”
Jiashu nodded, looking about as perplexed as a creature with a gas mask on can be.
Jake sighed and activated his DORKS. There was the prrrp again, and he became a jackal.
“This is wrong.” The new jackal muttered, examining itself before going silent.
You see after John had gotten off Halo, by that time.
Time and the universe seemed to stretch to infinity, and Jiashu and Jake could, for a split second, see the whole of the Halo universe happen all exactly at the same time after John-117 took his last step on Halo before the Words righted themselves.
Jake shook his head. “Woah...”
Jiashu looked a little green. “Let’s try and avoid doing that again. And mark her up for it, too.”
I had been captured by a group of elite's who had happened to be doing a patrol in around the deserts of halo in their banshees and ghosts and had come across my Escape Pod, from the Pillar of Autumn.
Jiashu cocked his head at this. “But... the Pillar of Autumn detonated when John left. Halo was turned into rubble. There wouldn’t be any desert. At best she’d be a nicely baked corpse floating through space.”
“And I have a feeling a SPARTAN wouldn’t just surrender to one measly patrol of Elites.” Jake commented, tapping even more vigorously on the datapad.
They killed all of all the marines who had survived the crash and where trying to get me to awake, but of course where killed before I could actually help them…
“Marines are somehow more resilient than a supersoldier in powered armor?” Jiashu said to no one in particular. Jake just grunted. Tap tap tap went his claws on the pad.
If I had not been knocked out from the impacted “Impact!” of landing then I probably would have been able to actually save myself and the marines from being captured/ Killed. “Aaaand improper capitalization. Grammar mistakes abound!” Jiashu commented.
But of course them seeing me being one of those like the 'Demon' was taken onto their phantom and woke soon later after the jump to High Charity.
“Um... Didn’t the Sangheili tend to refer to all SPARTANs as Demons?” Jiashu asked. Jake nodded.
“I think so. And I can’t really see them leaving it alive, either.”
The Prophets being there all saying for me to be put into one of the highest guarded prison cells, and that was where I woke up.
“Please excuse me while I try to wrap my head around that sentence.” Jake pinched the bridge of his nose, but found this most difficult due to his now-clawed hands and beak.
“I wouldn’t try it.” Jiashu responded.
Present time
“So this is the actual fic? All the rest of that was just prologue?” Jiashu managed to spit out after a couple seconds of both agents’ mouths being stuck in the “open” position.
As I woke up and my eyes started to focus I looked around my surroundings seeing that I was not in the Pillar of Autumn or even an escape pod.
“How perceptive.” Jiashu mumbled. Scribble scribble went his pen across the paper.
It seemed familiar and as soon as I saw the elite guards in their golden armor standing proud at full height, I soon knew that I had been captured.
“Redundancy!” Both agents exclaimed in mockingly bright tones.
“I also see what you mean about the perceptiveness.” Jake commented. “I once woke up on the floor of a Covenant ship after being knocked out during a boarding action and the first thing I did was grab my pistol.”
I searched myself for at least a weapon, but no they had even taken my precious Energy Sword which I had gotten from battling a red armored elite.
“Because it makes sense to leave your most dangerous of enemies with a weapon!” Jake said.
“Careful, Jake.” Jiashu said, eyeing the Words appearing to twist above Jake’s head.
And that sword was one of the best out of the ones the convenant had, it didn't run out.
“I wonder if the author’s ever used batteries before. Was her sword magical?” Jake grumped. Jiashu just eyed the small hole that seemed to be forming above his partner’s head.
“I wonder why a mini hasn’t popped up.” He said, not taking his eyes off the hole.
“I dunno...” Jake said, looking at the Words. “It could be that it’s close to ‘convenient’ so that it’s not capitalized, so it’s just classified as a regular misspelling.”
I looked through the shield, plasma thing keeping me from getting out of the cell and noticed that two grunts had my sword!
They were squealing happy and me having learnt some of their language from the help of Cortana made out something of what they where saying.
“Having translators built into your suit helps.” Jiashu muttered darkly. “And no Elite would ever dare let a filthy grunt touch an energy sword.”
Jake raised an eyebrow at Jiashu. Jiashu just sighed. “Energy swords are seen as symbols of honor. It’s only carried by nobility, and is seen as a holy weapon. You’d have better odds of survival if you just peed on their family’s graves.”
Jake nodded and turned back to the Grunts.
"Hehe, look what I scored from Kelease!" The black grunt squealed.
"Oh, those are rare!" The orange grunt said jumping up and down.
"Rare?"
"Yes!" The orange grunt getting over excited, "Their one of the few that don't run out"
“A grunt having any knowledge of the workings of an energy sword is highly unlikely.” Jiashu frowned, still scribbling.
After I decided not to listen to them anymore I tuned into the elite's conversation.
"Why did you give Yeltiny (Yelt- iney) That rare sword Kelease?" Said the Elite on the right of the cell door to the Other Golden Elite called Kelease.
“Do we get to kill the poorly named ones?” Jake said, sounding genuinely brighter.
Jiashu looked up and checked above Jake. The hole didn’t seem to be any larger than before. “I believe so.”
“Good.” Jake sounded positively gleeful. “Oh, and I would like to note that pronunciations in the middle of text is both out of place and is a charge.”
“That and it just sounds weird.” Jiashu said, scratching his ear.
"Because, he is one of the higher ranks and otherwise I don't need two rare swords now do I?" Kelease grunted back in his own tongue.
“More likely than you giving it to a random Grunt!” Jake growled, his tone getting deeper. Jiashu glanced up. The hole looked a little excited.
The other elite was about to say something but got interrupter by a blue armored elite coming in.
"Kelease, the prophets would like to speak to you, they said that I may take over whilst your gone."
The universe again attempted to apply a possessive pronoun to an adjective, and another wave of disorientation washed over Jiashu and Jake before the Words sorted things out.
Kelease nodded and left without a word now being replaced by a lower ranked Elite.
Jake and Jiashu blinked and looked at each other. A big, bright red “word” had appeared in midair between the two Elites, looking rather sullen that no one was there to take over guard duty.
“... Well that’s amusing.” Jiashu said, finally breaking into a fit of giggles. Jake just sad down and looked at the floating word. It somehow managed to stare back at him, looking mightily depressed.
Both agents were shocked out of their stupor by the unexpected author’s note.
A/N: I hope this wasn't a dud, well probably was.. “Yep,” Jake muttered. anyway if anyone did read there is going to be a bit more thing actually happening in the next chapter if I do decide to continue… that Is if people review and tell me what they think of the story.
now see that button in the left hand corner that says 'submit review' ? well just click on it and take a minute or two to send me a review!
There was silence from the two agents. And then Jake slowly and deliberately raised his finger in an archaic but well understood gesture.
A second later both were blasted by text again.
A/N: Hello! Thanx for all the reviews! And here's the next chapter! And yes, I am not very good with grammar so I hope you all don't mind about a few of my grammar errors! Well anyways hope you like this chapter…
“Oh I mind very much!” Jake glanced at Jiashu, then looked back up. “And I’m pretty sure my partner isn’t too happy, either!”
“And I got dibs on the magical energy sword.” Jake muttered to Jiashu as the former helped the latter up.
Chapter 2:
The High Council…
Jiashu giggled. Jake stared at him.
“Maybe if they really were the ‘High’ Council they wouldn’t be so uptight about humans.” Jiashu said. Jake shook his head and grinned, looking down at the scene.
As Kelease walked down the corridors of high charity, he wondered if the prophets wanted to send him back to halo, or even to punish him a prisoner for just leaving without trying to find the demon.
“Punish... him a... what is...” Jake stuttered, trying to comprehend the Words before him.
Jiashu glanced skyward. The hole winked at him. He looked away.
But as he walked past several of his fellow elites which where known as Honor Guards, which they obviously guarded the prophets with their life.
“Hey Jake, I think I can guess why the UNSC won the war.”
“If you even think about making a ‘non-Prophet’ joke I will show you just how competent I am with a knife.”
“Well nevermind, then.”
'Ha, the prophets think there so big, they can't even protect themselves' Kelease thought, chuckling as he past the last of the Guards and walked through the doors into the prophets room
(A/N: Like the one in halo2 campaign cutscene where the prophets are telling the arbiter to get the index… hope you know what I mean)
“Passing off the description of the locale to canon? Pretty lazy.” Jake noted. He looked curiously at a set of spotlights that had appeared overhead. He spotted the hole above his head and stared at it for a few seconds before moving away from it.
“Also a charge for a mid-chapter author’s note.” Jiashu said, scribbling on his pad.
Both of the agents jumped when the scenery slammed into place, depicting a perfect canon rendering of High Charity’s observation overlooking Halo. The only problem was that it appeared flat and lifeless, almost like it had been made for-
“Did a stage setting just fall out of nowhere?” Jiashu said disbelievingly.
Jake wandered up and tapped at the painted window. “Well, at least I suppose it’s better than if the author had decided to try describing it themselves.” He hurried back to Jiashu as the characters began dropping into place.
As the door opened and Kelease walked in, Truth, Mercy and Regret were having a very , well let's say, big argument.
"But why is he claimed as a heretic?" Regret muttered to the other two prophets in his croaky sort of voice.
"Yes, why not just make him one of the arbiters, he is not a real heretic" Mercy muttered back.
"No, no… those who say he is a heretic, are wrong… this is the real heretic, who must be stopped." Truth said showing them hologram of an ugly looking elite, obviously muted.
“I don’t know what this author’s deal is, but I find all squid-faces to be a bit on the ugly side.” Jake said, reaching into one of his belt pockets and pulling out a CAD. He aimed it at the three prophets.
[Prophet of Truth. Male. Canon Character. OOC Level: 45.2%. Warning: Impending Character Rupture.]
[Prophet of Regret. Male. Canon Character. OOC Level: 49.5%. Warning: Impending Character Rupture.]
[Prophet of Mercy. Male. Canon Character. OOC Level: 32.4%. Warning: Possible character rupture..]
Jiashu peered at the device over Jake’s arm. “Strange. They’re not quite completely out of character yet.”
Jake frowned. “I suppose that this is the sort of conversation they would have had before creating the Arbiter, but it is, frankly, terrible dialogue. And Mercy, to my knowledge, was more passive. At least the author sort of brought that in, which keeps Mercy more in-character.”
"Yes, but what has this young elite got to do with this" Mercy said harshly.
Truth was about to reply when Kelease cleared his throat, having heard most of their conversation, of them talking about him.
“You’d think they’d be warned when a visitor enters.” Jake grumbled, clearly displeased with the security procedure. “So as to not be caught discussing secret matters in front of some random minion.”
"Ah, my dear Kelease, thank you so much for coming" Truth said motioning for Kelease to come closer.
Kelease moved so he stood closer to the Prophets, who looked like just 3 little ugly aliens trying to be all noble and wise.
"As you are wondering what we would like to talk to you about, we suggest you will hopefully agree" Mercy croaked.
“I’m sure he does agree that he is wondering what they would like to talk to him about,” Jiashu snickered.
Regret motioned for the Honor Guards to come and listen to something he had to say, they nodded while looking from Regret to Kelease and moved out of the room.
"We have brought you here, to ask you… will you be brave enough to go on a dangerous quest, which you may not survive… but will you go on this quest as one of our honorable warriors?" Truth said, in his oh so noble tone of voice.
Kelease just stood there and nodded and turned to leave. "I will think about it holy ones" He said as he walked through the door and out of the room.
Jake blinked. “That’s... that’s it? That’s the whole briefing? The Prophet didn’t order his soldier, who is supposedly a zealot and is expected to die if he so much as looks at them funny? And he left without being dismissed?” The veteran looked ahead at the words, then back at Jiashu.
“Hey, think you can keep going for a minute? I’m going to take care of something.”
Jiashu nodded. “Go ahead.”
Jake smiled, opened a portal, and stepped on through it, disappearing. Jiashu settled down to the task, scribbling down a couple more lines as Kelease made a fairly cliche mental rebellion against the Hierarchs, and noting down how the Covenant left Cassie with her armor on.
Sitting up I see standing in the doorway was none other than the guard, that Gold Elite that was called Kelease.
As I looked at him, I noticed that his armor was quite different, in the light the gold looked as if it was silver, fascinated by this I didn't take any notice of it speaking to me until it came over to me and tapped my helmet.
Being brought out of my fascinating thoughts of how the gold changed to silver in the light, then in the dark it was back to gold, I heard a tapping on my helmet… being way louder to me actually having my head in this damn helmet.
Jiashu was about to protest that that was probably not how MJOLNIR helmets worked when he saw movement in his peripheral vision, limited though it may be. He turned to his right and saw Jake silently return, humming quietly and wiping down a long knife with a cloth.
“You’ve uh, got some blood on your boot.”
Jake looked down at his boot. “So I do.” He reached down and carefully wiped the fluorescent blue blood off the shiny black leather. Jake then looked up at Kelease’s armor. “Ooh, shiny. Probably not worth lugging back to HQ, though.” He said, grinning and sheathing the knife before reverting back to his Jackal disguise.
I looked up showing that I was listening, "You will come with me" The elite said.
I just quirked my eyebrows, "Uh, why? Your not going to kill me or anything, because I do have a hard hit" I replied with my fist now clenched by my sides.
"No, you are to come with me, I am escaping and you will help me"
"But why do you trust me"
"Because I wish to help you humans survive"
“Seems legit!” Jiashu laughed, and caught himself as Kelease’s mandible twitched oddly.
Jake just stared as he realized that not only had the Elite managed to tap the Spartan’s helmet through the plasma barrier, but the Spartan had just walked right through it. The other Elite guard opened his mandibles as if to say something, but something seemed to come over him, and he just blinked stupidly.
And with that it walked off with me following, I was actually quite glad that he was just a little shorter than me, so his pace of walk was the same as mine.
So I didn't have to slow down, thankfully, just like when your walking with the humans, they're so shorter than you that you have to slow down.
I wondered how we could possibly escape so easily until both Kelease and I were pulled into a room, with 10 grunts, 6 elite's and 4 hunters, all staring at Kelease as if he was crazy.
"What are you doing Kelease?" The Elite in a green armor said.
“Charge for inventing new ranks.” Jake said.
“And for not having anyone else try to kill Kelease and Cassie on sight.” Jiashu added.
Scribble scribble tap tap.
'green?' I thought, ' wow, this is new'
"What am I doing?" Kelease replied.
Jake cocked his head. “Did Kelease just derp?”
Jiashu blinked up at Jake, then grinned and assumed a mocking pose and stroked his gas mask as though it were a chin. “Or did he herp?”
"Yes, where are you taking the human?"
"We are escaping, the prophets are going to betray us Elite's, I know it will happen… seeing how you are my team and my family, I ask will you come with us?"
A/N: There we go, now I have to get on updating my other stories, sighs oh well… please review!
“Well, at least that one came at the end of the chapter.” Jiashu stuck his pencil behind his ear and went over the charge list.
“Think we have enough?” Jake said, hopefully.
“Not quite yet.” Jiashu said. “And even if we did, do you think the two of us could take on a Sue Spartan, seven Elites, 10 other Grunts, and four Hunters all on our own?”
Jake gave the scene in front of them a long look, and then turned back to Jiashu. “I don’t mind giving it a shot.”
“Braggart.”
“Smartass.”
The exchange was interrupted by the next chapter.
A/N: Sorry for the long, long wait… but yeah… I'm focusing on this Fanfiction for this week, so I'll try and update as much as I can… hope you enjoy!
Thanx to all my reviewers and readers!
“You’re welcome.” Jiashu said, nodding.
Last Time:
I wondered how we could possibly escape so easily until both Kelease and I were pulled into a room, with 10 grunts, 6 elite's and 4 hunters, all staring at Kelease as if he was crazy.
"What are you doing Kelease?" The Elite in a green armor said.
'Green' I thought, 'wow, this is new'
"What am I doing?" Kelease replied.
"Yes, where are you taking the human?"
"We are escaping, the prophets are going to betray us Elite's, I know it will happen… seeing how you are my team and my family, and I ask will you come with us?"
“Are we allowed to charge for unnecessary plot recaps?” Jake said what both he and Jiashu were thinking.
“I don’t know, but I’m going to anyway.” Jiashu scribbled down the charge.
Chapter 3:
Escaping
"Escape?" The Green Elite named Zakmanee(Zach-ma-nee) asked.
"Yes, we must" Kelease answered.
“We must?” Jake mocked.
“I don’t know!” Jiashu played along.
“You don’t know?”
I looked around my surroundings, the room wasn't much but there was a table and things that looked like plates on it.
There were 20 chairs, some big, some small and some just like the ones I used to sit in way back on earth and on reach.
“Now would be as prudent a time as any to note that aliens have a very different physiology from humans.” Jake said, tapping at his datapad with one claw. “I swear these things...”
Taking a deep breath in and exhaling it out as the elites murmured between themselves about if they should trust Kelease.
“This is all aside from the fact that Kelease has, you know, a Demon with him.” Jiashu said. Scribble.
The Elites didn't seem so bad, well… when they weren't attacking you or calling you names.
“I can think of a reason why.” Jake said sarcastically. “Give you a hint, it rhymes with ‘handibles.’”
I especially hate it when they call my Best Friend 'Demon' because he obviously isn't a red thing with horns and a pointed tail, and he defiantly doesn't come from hell.
That makes me so mad, but yeah… hopefully we all could get along, sometime in the future, yes sometime in the future.
“SPARTANs are apparently quite susceptible to petty insults and take everything personally.” Jiashu nodded. “And alien cultures are clearly the exact same as modern-day Judeo-Christian interpretations.”
The following conversation didn’t truly add anything to what was already known, except...
“Huh. Zakmanee doesn’t seem that bad.” Jiashu pondered. “And he actually follows proper naming conventions.”
“Please tell me we aren’t recruiting squid-face.” Jake glared at Jiashu.
Jiashu shrugged, a bit disconcerted. “We may... and you have to admit that he may actually be useful if we can get him to fight with us. I checked ahead while you were gone: it looks like we may have to take her out while she’s surrounded by a bunch of Spartans. That means that neuralyzing in addition to the assassination is going to be a problem.”
Jake chewed his lip. “I’ll come up with something. Let’s keep going.”
…..
Ducking to step on the ship that I was lead on, I noticed that I was finally in a Phantom, a popular covenant ship that the humans would one day like to explore, and figure out how they are much better compared to our Pelicans.
And finally I was on one… my task finally complete, what I had come to accomplish.
Until they brought me here, to this filthy place which hopefully John and the marines will destroy one day.
“Logistically the Pelican is actually superior to the Phantom so far as weapons systems and personnel survivability.” Jake grumbled. “And the Sue yet again shows her amazing knack for noticing things about an hour after it has commenced.”
Jiashu checked above Jake again. The hole was bigger, and looked expectant. He hurriedly said “Let’s just move ahead. Nothing in the next section that we haven’t seen already.
….
"Report" Sgt. Johnson said, as he met John back on the Ascendant Justice and (a/n: I forgot the pelicans name)
"Sir, we have destroyed the covenant flagship" John reported, "But we have lost two of our soldiers in the process, sir!" The Master Chief said and walked off.
"Sir, what are we going to do about the Cassie MIA situation?" Fred asked as he saw John walk into the room.
Jake frowned. “That’s not right...”
“What is it?” Jiashu asked.
“Master Chief Petty Officer and Sergeant Major are both the same rank as far as military ranks go. And at this point Johnson was a Sergeant, which is a lower rank than Master Chief. Johnson wasn’t promoted to Sergeant Major until he returned to Earth.” Jake pointed out. “So Johnson would be reporting to him, if anything.” He paused, and a grin slowly spread across his face. “I know how we can take her out.”
Jiashu checked the list. “Well, I suppose we have enough charges, but-”
“Just listen.” Jake said, still grinning. And he explained the plan to Jiashu.
----
Waiting for everyone else to enter the Phantom, there was no way Zakmanee could have avoided having the neural collar appear out of nowhere and lock around his neck, or having his mandibles tied up to prevent calling for help.
The two agents grinned. The nice thing about the Halo universe was definitely the fun tech. The special collars that the UNSC made prevented any motor signals the brain sent from reaching the wearer’s limbs, effectively paralyzing them while not inhibiting breathing or other vital functions.
It was only the sensible thing to do. There was no way Zakmanee would take kindly to being dropped right in to a strange multi-dimensional world. And pissed-off eight-foot tall aliens tended to not be a nice thing to make someone else deal with.
A portal later and there was one very unhappy alien lying in the lobby of the Department of Personnel. Another portal and the two agents were back in High Charity’s brig.
The Elite guard looked up, eyes glazed over.
“Huh?” was all it had to say about the sudden appearance of one small, gangly human and a tall, much bulkier one. It lazily reached for a plasma rifle.
There was a flash, and all four of the Elite’s mandibles went slack.
“Listen.” Jiashu said. “You’re a guard in the brig with orders to keep an eye on prisoners. You were doing your duty when another Elite came down here, knocked you out, and escaped with the prisoners. They’re trying to escape via a Phantom in one of the lower hangars. It’s an unscheduled departure and there are cameras everywhere, so they’ll be easy to find.”
The Elite nodded, eyes becoming a bit clearer. “I shall do my duty! My honor will not be stained again!”
“That’s the spirit.” Jake said, and he and Jiashu disappeared around the corner and through a portal before the Elite fully came to his senses.
----
Cassie had begun to notice that someone seemed to be missing. She was trying to puzzle it out when the PA system on the Phantom buzzed to life.
“Attention SPARTAN Cassie, Kelease, and all you other Heretics.” Agent Jake said over the comm. “I am Agent Jake of the Protectors of the Plot Continuum, Department of Mary Sues. My partner, Agent Jiashu, and I have been following you for a while now and would like to make something clear. Cassie, you are hereby charged with gross grammatical errors containing but not limited to: Improper use of pronouns, improper ‘tos’ and ‘theres,’ awkward wording such that it confused the hell out of me, being a SPARTAN without a number, unnecessary plot recaps, being a self-insert SPARTAN, bending canon to be good friends with John-117, being limited by normal human barriers where SPARTANs would not be, being an imperceptive bint, having a magical energy sword -thanks for that, by the way- and acting in no way, shape, or form like a SPARTAN should act. Trivializing special forces training did not help your case.
“Kelease, you are charged with much of the above, in addition to acting nothing like a proper Sangheili soldier, having your own magical armor and shield, having an improper Sangheili name, disregarding honor and your upbringing, and doing all this without proper explanation. You are also apparently too lazy to describe the room you’re in properly and instead shunt it off on canon.
“You are hereby both charged of being, respectively, a Mary Sue and a Gary Stu, and are hereby sentenced to death.
“One last thing before the cruisers home in on you: It was really damn stupid of you to try and escape to Earth in a vessel that has no slipspace drive. I mean, really. What the hell were you thinking?”
Jake heard the beginning of an ear-piercing shriek before every Covenant cruiser within a several thousand kilometer radius of the Phantom opened fire, filling a large portion of the space that the Phantom occupied with plasma. The Covenant were nothing if not thorough; anything without proper authorization that was smaller than a few centimeters across that entered their space was immediately targeted and vaporized.
The Phantom, Cassie, Kelease, and everyone else in it were now free-floating molecules.
Jake smiled and put the comm unit down. He glanced over at a dazed looking Unggoy that had a minute ago been the victim of Jiashu’s neuralyzer.
“Thanks for the help.” Jake said. The grunt meekly waved an arm, eyes still glazed over.
“Right, now that’s done.” Jiashu said, opening a portal. “Canon should snap back to the way it was, since we got rid of them before the other canon characters really ruptured. May want to visit the Prophets, though.”
“Aye. Remind them there never was an Elite named Kelease, or a certain SPARTAN on this ship.” Jake agreed.
----
“Would you watch it?” Jiashu instinctively ducked as Jake’s new toy crackled to life.
“Oh relax.” Jake said. “I know how to be careful. Cool though, isn’t it?” He swung it through the air with a swish.
“Yes, it is.” Jiashu admitted.
“Heard anything about that Zakmanee character?” Jake said, deactivating the energy sword and putting it on the table. He went over to a footlocker and began rooting through it, apparently looking for something to fashion a sheath out of.
“I heard Fictional Psychology is having fun with him.” Jiashu responded. “Apparently he was a bit more zealous than Kelease in his beliefs. Could be that the Suefluence of the SPARTAN just made it so he didn’t register her.”
“Perhaps.” Jake said, apparently having found an old belt. “But that was, all in all, easier than we thought it would be.”
Jiashu just nodded, and instinctively glanced over Jake’s head.
“What?” Jake asked, noticing the glance.
“Nothing, it’s just-”
“The hole, right?”
“... Yeah.” Jiashu looked a bit embarrassed.
Jake frowned. “I’m not sure what it was, but it was only in the Word World. I don’t think it’s a problem here.”
“Yeah. Still, might want to keep an eye on out for it in the future.” Jiashu said.
There was silence for a minute.
Jake looked up at the doorway, and the number above it.
“Well, welcome to Response Center 116. So close you can almost reach out and touch it.”
Katie the mini made a happy squeak from its position under the desk.
[A/N: Many thanks to July for being a beta, as well as help from HerrWozzeck and Miah for other edits!]