Author/Source: Varga, Endre Gábor writer, poet, composer, inventor, phylosopher

There exists a form of love and a being in love, when we look for an opportunity in the other, some kind of a potential. The opportunity for a change, the opportunity to change, or the chance to avoid them.


This is a kind of opportunism on the front of relationship and self realization, with which in reality, we only love ourselves, not the other. Even Romeo and Juliet loved each other in such a manner: they loved the opportunity of rebellion in the other, the opportunity for freedom, but not the freedom of the other, but their own. They loved themselves by the side of the other.

This is nothing more than hidden selfishness. It’s based on the misconception, that a man is measured by their success or failure, but in reality what counts is the expectation that we set up for ourselves and the effort with which we try to meet it.

One’s life can be measured by this principle, these two things.

 If you really love someone, this is the idea you love: their conviction with which they confront their challenges, and the challenges themselves, if they are likable, if you can agree with them, if you can look up to them.

If you really love someone, you want to move them forward, elevate them in these pursuits, it's them you want to make greater, not yourself, and this is the way you want to become a part of this mutual greater thing.

If you are really unselfishly in love, you are in love with theirs inner self and from that moment on, the pursuit with which you stand beside them, back them up, stand up for them, and believe in them  - as you believe in any common ideology, will bring on the happiness.

What is love?

Love is, when someone is so vitally important to you, that with everything you do, you aim to elevate them. When their dreams and their faults form one idea, and you stand by them and stand up for this idea against everybody and everything. If the love is mutual, than you two form one single entity, who will live as long as you love each other: you shelter each other under your wings while you keep each other in flight, and from than on, the effort you make is not for each other,  but to keep this common being alive.

Love is a measure of the level of respect and passion towards the other's thoughts and opinion, the measure of the level of sympathy toward their faults and their pain, when you experience faithfulness as the highest peak of freedom, because the importance of the other is so high, that nothing and no one can dissuade you from them and because faithfulness seems to be the smallest possible sacrifice you can do for them.


So love is nothing else than the respect for the opinion, thoughts and dreams of the other, sympathy for their faults, and the principle, that we bring  forth a smaller sacrifice so that he would not have to go through a greater one.

In spite of this total devotion to love and to be in love doesn’t mean the complete void of expectation.

Only one expectation can elevate true love to be more than a mutual agreement, and that is the act itself; to be  Expecting the expectation. True love and true being in love will only expect one thing from the other, and that is to have high expectations towards one self and to fulfill them.

So then the key to happiness is : only have one expectation: their expectations toward themselves - and do everything  in order so that they can fulfill them.