My name is Gary Lu. But apparently that’s not my name. My name is now Fred Bartenburger. But apparently that’s not my name either. I asked my neighbor, “What is my name?” He just rolled his eyes and went back into his house. Then I realized I never talk to my neighbors anyways because I spend everyday inside my house basking in the glow of my computer. Of course, my computer doesn’t actually glow, it just torns on.

I asked my computer, “What is my name?” If it could, it would probably roll its eyes. But it can’t, and just sat there quietly like my bad friend.

I tried to input “Outer Heaven” as my computer’s name, but it just blue-screened. Apparently that’s not its name.

I asked my bad friend, “What is my name?” But being the bad friend he is, he didn’t reply. I’m beginning to think he isn’t real.

“Well then, what is your name?: I asked my friend.

“Gary,” he said.

I glared at him.