Conrad was on his knees in front of Luce, who was already unzipping his smart suitpants with a passing frown at the uncomfortable article of clothing. If Luce were anyone else, like Lamont, he would have smiled and said something along the lines of, “You don't have to do this”. He would have even made it more pleasant by suggesting a more mutually satisfying position to the teenager.

But Conrad didn't want that. He was afraid that if he saw Lamont's kind, reassuring face, he wouldn't have the guts to see it through. Better it be Luce, who would surely force Conrad to finish what he had started if he were to lose his guts.

Luce smirked at Conrad's nervous, shifty eyes that rested on anything but the med student's crotch and drew the teen's attention with a sharp oi. The teen nearly jumped, his pale face flushing the brightest shade of red Luce hadn't seen since the first time he half-persuaded and half-bullied the teen into his bed.

To be honest, Luce had no idea why the usually flighty, passive teen blurted out, “May I give you a... a blowjob? Please?” as soon as he arrived on the older man's doorsteps, but Luce wasn't a man to look at the gift horse in the mouth. Especially if the gift horse included a chance to brag to Lamont later...

“Well?” the blond gestured at his brief-covered crotch with a sweeping gesture of his open palsm, “ain'tcha going to do something?”

The teen's blush--  a honest-to-god blush that Luce never tired of-- was amazing as Conrad nodded and knitted his brows, determinedly bringing his slightly trembling hands toward Luce's briefs. This was insane, kneeling in front of the older man with a promise to give a blowjob when the nearest thing Conrad had to an experience of any kind was clumsily licking Luce's fingers during sex. But at the same time, Conrad was determined to see this through-- he'll be damned if the last couple of nerve-wrecking research was for naught.

Conrad's research began with a simple overheard comment from a group of cheerleaders in the lunch room. He was on the line, the last as usual to avoid drawing attention from the Jocks or the Goths or well-- anyone, really. On that day, however, the pizza trays were burnt black by a Senior prank and the line stretched twice as long without the number one popular dish on the menu, landing Conrad near the cheerleaders. He was usually too afraid of an inevitable social blunder to look in their general direction, let alone be close enough to hear what they were saying, but the line seemed to have ground to a halt. The teen compensated for the surely unacceptable proximity to the cheerleaders by shrinking as far as he could into the wall, resolutely looking at the faded paint of the cafeteria. That is, until the phrase “dating a med student” reached his ears over the chatter of the cafeteria. If asked, Conrad will swear up and down that he hadn't meant to pry, but it seemed as if his ears had other plans because he couldn't help but pick up everything the girls said:

“I heard that Jenny deLaney the Freshman is dating a med student,” said blond number one.

“What? No way!” exclaimed blond number two.

“Yeah way! But it's only because, you know,” blond number one lowered her voice dramatically, “she blows him.”

“Oh. My. God. She's such a slut!”

“Well why else would a med student be interested in a Freshman? He would've dumped her fat ass already if she didn't.”

“You're right. I mean, she's got to keep him interested somehow...”

Conrad lost the track of the conversation as the line crawled a foot or so, but the cheerleaders' voices remained in his head. Though Conrad wouldn't call what he had (if they had anything to begin with) a relationship, the older man still put up with the awkward teen. Conrad wasn't sure why, but it wouldn't be because Luce was lacking-- the man was older and so much cooler with his devil-may-care attitude that still awed Conrad. And Lamont-- he didn't have to put up with a neurotic mental wreck like him! He was surely popular with his dark eyes and strong build. Everything about Luce and Lamont was what Conrad wanted to be and what Conrad was pathetically not.

Well, maybe you should keep the interested, a cruel, high voice whispered at the back of his mind. They'll cut you off as soon as they realize that you're a stupid, clumsy, mentally unstable and scrawny teenager. Do you want that? For them to ignore you and pretend you never existed or to laugh at you?

God, no, that was the farthest thing from what Conrad wanted. The mere thought of Luce looking through him and Lamont sneering at him made Conrad's chest clench. He didn't want to lose them.

They were all he had outside of his hypochondriac mother.

So keep them interested, the voice whispered.

Conrad barely took a bite of his lunch during that period, his appetite lost at the prospect of losing Luce and Lamont. Even though he tried to assure himself or at least ignore the nagging doubt, Conrad knew in the pit of his stomach that the voice was right.

The sinking feeling haunted Conrad through the remaining school day. He became hyper-aware of hints about relationships carelessly dropped by his classmates. The jocks in the locker room talked about Betty Mares, an ugly, unpopular girl who was the quarterback's side because she gave a great head. The only reason to keep around a girl like that, they laughed.

The laughter followed Conrad on his way home.

***

That night, Conrad dreamt of Luce in football uniform while Conrad was on his knees. He instinctively knew what was expected of him, but he was frozen on the spot, unable to do anything while Luce sneered down at him.

Conrad woke up in cold sweat.

***

After waking up in cold sweat three nights in a row, Conrad turned on the computer and did what he thought was unthinkable under his mother's nose-- to look up porn.

The teen flushed as he typed in the keywords “how to give a blowjob,” his body on alert for a hint of his mother walking on him. He read articles about deepthroating, getting a tongue piercing and tongue tricks until he was dizzy from the rush of information. Conrad crawled into his bed at 4:30 AM that morning. He was able to sleep peacefully that day.

***

The next night, Conrad reread the articles and realized that the “tips” boxes contained links to blowjob videos. The teen flushed and reached for his earphones, desperately wishing that his psychologist didn't advice his mother to take away the lock to his room “for his own safety”.

After an eternity of listening for his mother's footsteps outside hi door, Conrad clicked the link, flinching away immediately after as if the mouse had burned him.

The video was a porn standard--  a blond woman with dark makeup giving head to a man whose genitals were only showing. The woman moaned every few seconds, using her tongue to flick at the head of the penis before swallowing down the whole length, curling her red lips over her teeth as she did so. To prevent using her teeth, Conrad thought vaguely thought as he watched on, fighting the urge to turn off the window and forget all that had happened. The video was lewd beyond what he had expected; he had never seen pornography due to his paranoia that mother will know but he had a vague idea how it was going to be. Or he thought he had. The combination of close-ups to the woman's hollowed cheeks, her throaty moans and the sheer perversion of seeing another person with a penis in her mouth was more than he could ever imagine it to be.

A thought popped up quickly: oh god, is that how I'll look when I'm... when I'm doing that?

Conrad turned off the window this time, flushing furiously as he imagined himself kneeling like the woman had, making Luce or Lamont (or both, a voice whispered hotly) moan like she did.

The teen fell asleep that night uncomfortably, half-hard yet too intimidated and embarrassed to do anything about it.

***

Two days later, Conrad gathered up the courage to continue his “research”. The articles he had read recommended “practicing” before jumping into the real stuff, often with bananas or other fruits and vegetables. Though Conrad couldn't help but be morbidly embarrassed at the thought, the articles were right-- he wanted to make it good for them. He needed to.

A bad blowjob I as good as none at all, the voice ridiculed.

That evening, Conrad snatched a banana from the kitchen while his mother was out shopping groceries. The weight of the fruit was heavier than it usually was in his hand, and the teenager was hyper-aware of the length and the width of the fruit, and why he picked it-- it was almost to Luce's size.

There were no zucchinis in the fridge for Lamont.

Conrad stuffed the fruit inside the pillowcase as soon as he was in the relative sanctuary of his room. The presence of the fruit in his pillowcase burned Conrad's back while he was doing his homework until he bade night to his mother.

After a hour to make sure his mother was not awake, Conrad turned on his monitor, going through the familiar Google search until it took him to the video that had dominated his thoughts for the last two days.

Conrad shifted in his chair and turned to get the banana from the pillowcase. The article said to peel the fruit so he could make sure no teeth were involved. Nervously, the teen peeled the fruit and pressed the play button. The article also had said to follow the cues of a professional video to pretend that he was actually doing the deed.

The video started familiarly with the woman eying the penis. Conrad glanced at the peeled fruit nervously before looking away. Now the woman was using her tongue to lick up and down the shaft. Tentatively, Conrad extended his tongue to touch the banana, the seemingly simple everyday act making him jerk like he had been electrocuted. After drawing a shaky breath, Conrad leaned forward to lick the fruit like the woman was doing, trying to conjure up an image of Luce. It was hard to think through the haze of embarrassment, but he thought he almost got it when he noticed that the woman was now sucking on the tip of the penis. The teen hurried to copy the motion, his mental image abandoned in favor of trying to suck without teeth scraping the flesh of the fruit.

I'll never be able to do two things at once, Conrad thought before hastily bobbing his head to the woman's tempo, feeling ridiculous and incompetent. When the man on the screen gave a moan, though, the embarrassment dissipated by the sudden memory of Luce groaning into Conrad's ear while they had sex. It was an unexpected overlap but a powerful one; Conrad nearly whimpered in response and began bobbing his head with urgency.

After some time, the woman pulled off and lapped at the head of the dick teasingly, tearing out a muttered “s-shit” from the man off-screen. As universal as the curse word was, it was a familiar one. Conrad flushed and lapped at the tip of the banana as he imagined that it was Luce who just said that. Luce who moaned an appreciative “fuck, you're so good” as Conrad took the length and sucked, licking and nearly drooling at both the taste and the idea. Would Luce have his hand in Conrad's hair as he usually does while he fucks Conrad from behind? Would Luce put his fingers on Conrad's hollowed out cheeks to feel for his own erection through the pad of flesh like the man on the camera does? Will Luce groan like that as he thrust shallowly into Conrad's mouth? Will Conrad be able to take it? Will Luce curse as usual, or will he hiss through clenched teeth when he comes?

Conrad nearly missed the garbage can under his desk in his hurry to unzip his pants after the video ended. He ended up taking himself through the opening in his boxer briefs as he thrust quickly once, twice into his hands before he split himself all over his underwear and chair.

The teen wiped off the mess with a packet of antibiotic wipes his mother puts on his desk before stumbling into bed, truly sleepy and relaxed for once in a long time.

***

Another week of practice and a very close call later, Conrad knocked on Luce's door and blurted out, “May I give you a... a blowjob? Please?” Conrad would have been mortified at his tactlessness but was too shell-shocked to feel much as he was lead to the living room.

What happened afterward was exactly as he had imagined it to be; Conrad knelt in front of Luce's favorite spot on the sofa and internally panicked until Luce's voice lulled him out of his head: “Well? Ain'tcha going to do something?”

Conrad's hands trembled when he took Luce into his hand. The novelty of the experience as well as the kneeling position made him feel even more insecure than usual. Luce was half-hard, thankfully.

Remembering his research, Conrad leaned forward, closed his eyes, and lapped at the head.

Luce made a surprised sound despite himself he expected the boy to awkwardly try taking the whole thing in his mouth or to fumble or to do anything besides lapping at his dick like he actually knew what he was doing.

Conrad felt the flesh on hi tongue twitch and heard... something... from Luce. Encouraged, the teen tentatively took the fulling length into his mouth, lapping at the underside like he was instructed to in the articles. The result was immediate; Luce's hands shot up from the couch to Conrad's head, long fingers painfully winding around the short black strands. The teen felt a small thrill and doubled his efforts, nearly starting to bob hi head when the hands in his hair yanked.

“Ow--!” Conrad yelped before he was face full of a red-faced Aussie. “So, princess, this ain't your first, eh?”

“Wha--?”

“So who had ya first, pup? Was it Monty? Or was it from before me an' Mont?”

Conrad froze, uncomprehending for a moment before the words sunk in. “I've never-- I've never done it before.”

“Oh yeah, so where'd you pick up the tricks, pup? Your mother gave you a special lesson fer yer sixteenth birthday?”

Conrad's face flushed. “What? No--”

“Then what?”

“I-- Iusedtheinternet,” the boy mumbled, looking at the carpet.

The answer was unclear, but Luce caught one word that was an explanation enough. “Pah-- the Internet? Ya serious, kid?”

The blond guffawed-- this uptight, paranoid kid browsing blowjob tips online?

At the blond's laugh, Conrad blushed and made to stand up-- it was a bad idea all along. Now, instead of just ignoring him, Luce will snicker and point out Conrad the idiot to his friends whenever they ran into each other. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

“--Hey, hold yer horses, kid. Where're ya going?”

“I-- I'm bad at--”

“What? Pah, for a newbie yer all right at giving head. Fucking hilarious, though, a good little boy like you searching up blowjob tips online.”