A Story about Meso Larry
By: Dan Klumper
There once was a man named Meso Larry. He was 62 years old and sad. You see, Meso Larry always wanted to be as famous as Blueman and Johnny Rawten. No matter how hard he tried, nobody ever really liked him. He was kinda boring. He was ignored a lot. While Blueman was getting invited to big Hollywood parties, Meso Larry stayed home and read the dictionary. While Johnny Rawten was off on his grand adventures, Meso Larry was out walking the streets, trying not to get his lunch money stolen. Meso Larry was even jealous of the girl Crazy Izzy and the fact that she was a young, rising star. Meso Larry wanted to be a young girl who was a rising star.
Day after day, Meso Larry would sit in his run down apartment and sulk. He would stare out the window, longing to feel important and needed, until his neighbor would yell, “Hey Meso Larry, quite looking in my window, you weirdo!” Meso Larry was constantly looking for excitement. At the last social studies party, Blueman and Johnny Rawten were the life of the party, telling exciting tales of discovering fire, of touching Mustache’s mustache, and what they plan on doing next. Meanwhile, Meso Larry would just sit in the corner, tears running down his cheek. In a moment of courage, Meso Larry announced to the crowd, “Want to see my dictionary? It’s got some cool words in it.” To this, the crowd roared with laughter, asking why anyone would want to look at a dictionary? One member of the group, Colosseum, even walked over to him and poured his punch over his head, while laughing hysterically. Meso Larry felt humiliated. He said to himself, “Why did I do that!?! Everybody knows that dictionaries aren’t exciting. Nobody cares about words. All anybody cares about is Johnny’s adventures, or Blueman’s jokes, or Crazy Izzy’s dancing.” So, Meso Larry continued to sit in the corner, sipping on his punch, nibbling on his crackers. However, little did anybody know, but a storm was brewing...
Meso Larry awoke the next morning to a rattle. The rattle began to turn more violent, shaking the whole house, knocking things off the shelf. Holding on to the wall to steady himself, Meso Larry made his way to the window to see what was going on. Outside, the sunny morning had given way to a dark and stormy cloud. The wind was whipping through the streets, people were scrambling for cover, trying to get inside. Up, high in the sky, the clouds were swirling. For a moment, Meso Larry thought maybe it was a time warp portal that would take him back to the ancient world with Johnny. But no, this was no such portal, and that became clear to Meso Larry once the swirling cloud began to shoot fireballs down upon the city. These were not ordinary fireballs, however, these were special. These fireballs were not just made of fire, they were also made of definitions, making these fireballs even more deadly. Not only would the fire burn the town, but all the definitions would cause all the people to be really bored. Normally, Meso Larry would panic and run for cover, but he sensed this might be his moment of opportunity. He knew that Johnny was off in some ancient world trying to invent farming and that the Blueman was off somewhere telling lame jokes and Crazy Izzy was at some “Just Dance” Wii contest so he knew it would be up to him as the only Social Studies superhero left in the town. Quickly grabbing his glasses and dictionary, he darted out the door and rambled down the stairs. Once outside, he stood his ground, watching the destruction (and boredom) of the definition-laced fireballs. People were screaming in all directions from the fireballs. Some were yawning because the definitions were making them so bored. Suddenly, Meso Larry had an idea. He put his head down and sprinted right for the center of the swirling fireball shooter in the sky. Once he was right underneath, his dictionary started to glow a neon green. Meso Larry looked up just as a fireball was being unleashed by the swirling cloud. Written on this fireball said “a group of people with an organized and complex society.” Meso Larry quickly opened his glowing dictionary and flipped to the “c” section. There, he found “civilization” which had the same definition as the fireball. Meso Larry quickly grabbed the word and chucked it at the fireball. The fireball disappear on impact. With the adrenaline pumping through his veins, Meso Larry raced around the town like a 3 year old on Halloween, flipping through his dictionary, trying to be a hero.
Over by the water tower, Meso Larry saw a giant fireball with “land between two rivers” written on it. Meso Larry smiled and chucked the word “Mesopotamia” right at it. Bingo. Another fireball bites the dust. Near the park, Meso Larry took the word “polytheism” and drilled the fireball that said “belief in many gods.” So far, Meso Larry was 3 for 3 and feeling good. He thought to himself for a moment, “Ha! I’d like to see Johnny do this!” But his thoughts were interrupted just as a fireball zoomed past his head, sizzling the last remnants of the hair on his head.
Meso Larry noticed another fireball with “wedge shaped writing” flying towards the park. “Not so fast, fireball!” Meso Larry yelled as he unleashed the word “Cuneiform,” causing yet another fireball to disappear. Now, Meso Larry was in a groove. He couldn’t miss if he tried. Fireball after fireball, Meso Larry took them all out of the sky. Suddenly, a huge fireball with “a set of laws established by King Hammurabi” was coming right at him. He flipped in his dictionary quickly and found “Code of Hammurabi.” He grasped it and once again blasted the fireball out of the sky. Meso Larry raced forward to yet another fireball. This one had “belief in one god” written a crossed. Meso Larry thought, “this is too easy!” and grabbed the word “monotheism” to take it down. It worked!
Tired and sweaty, Meso Larry continued to forge ahead until he saw a weird shaped
fireball fall from the sky. This one looked like a half-moon, not round like the others. On it, it said “an area of land that is curved and good for farming.” Meso Larry took out “Fertile Crescent” and dominated the weird shaped fireball. Just as he was admiring his latest victory, another fireball with “Gardens built by King Nebuchadnezzar for his wife” came screaming out of the cloud right for him. Meso Larry took “Hanging Gardens” and took care of it with ease.
At this point, Meso Larry had taken out 7 fireballs with his glowing dictionary. Things were going well until the fireballs stopped coming out, and instead, fiery monsters. Three fiery monsters swooped in from the cloud and landed right in front of Meso Larry. About 50 yards away, Meso Larry began to panic. These three monsters began running right at him. As the three monsters got closer, he could see that they were each wearing a t-shirt, and on them, was something written. The one in the middle had a shirt that said “helps people control when and how much water their crops get” so Meso Larry grabbed the word “irrigation” and threw it right at him, sticking it right in the monster’s chest. The monster suddenly disappeared, now leaving only two monsters. Meso Larry decided it was time to end this battle. Just as the two monsters came within 10 feet, Meso Larry could easily read what was on their shirts. Meso Larry took the word “Ziggurat” and nailed the monster with “a pyramid shaped building used for worship” on his shirt. Then quickly, Meso Larry turned to the last remaining monster. On this one’s shirt, it said “an individual unit, complete with its own form of government and traditions.” Tired and weary, Meso Larry flipped in his dictionary one last time and found the world “city-state.” Meso Larry did not have enough energy left to throw the word, but he knew this was his chance to save the town. He knew this was something that he had to do. So he gripped the word tightly in his hand, narrowed his eyes on the target, and charged right into the fiery monster........