I’m Only Having One. Is that a Problem?

The truth behind the myths of only children

Written by Danna Titus

Most people have in their mind how many children they want from a very young age. Those from older generations would probably agree that their ideal family consisted of at least 3 children if not more. But as one from the younger generation, we know that societal norms change. A station wagon full of children is no longer the norm. Many of us would be happy with just one. So now the question is, are we putting our child at risk by having only one? Are the negative stereotypes about only-children really true? Most people would agree that children with siblings are typically more well-rounded whereas children without siblings are lacking that strong sibling relationship. We typically read and see only-children portrayed as bossy, sometimes less intelligent and almost always spoiled. So are you dooming your child if you stick to just one? The short answer; no. Sure, in many cases, only-children can fall into those stereotypes, but research shows that parents can create an environment just as beneficial as those children with siblings have.

                Research has shown that only-children with high quality home environments will not turn out any different from those children with siblings. The key to raising a well-rounded only-child; good parenting. It seems obvious, right? To create a good child, you need good parents. But unfortunately, the backbone behind many of those negative stereotypes about only-children is less than perfect parenting. The majority of the population’s only-children come from broken homes, often single parent homes or homes where both parents are working. In any situation, those children fare negatively. It’s not that they’re an only-child; it’s that their home life is not ideal. In many of those home situations parents are what researchers like to call, uninvolved. They aren’t there.

                So what can you do as the parent of an only-child? There are three main aspects of a child’s life that need particular focus, especially for an only-child.

Since only-children don’t have siblings, they need lots of high quality peer interactions. Studies have shown that only-children can receive those same sibling-interactions benefits through their peer relationships. As a parent, get your child involved. Encourage them to play sports, act in plays, make friends at school or church or just get involved with friends in the neighborhood. Don’t overbook them, but make sure that their lack of sibling relationships is made up for with quality time with peers. Because of age similarities, often times peer interactions can actually be more beneficial than sibling interactions as children work through age appropriate issues together. And, at a younger age, the sibling interaction is actually less beneficial as children are more likely to follow those actions of their peers.

                Next, focus on your child’s strengths. As the one-and-only, your child can easily fall into the youngest child stereotypical role; self-centered, over indulged and spoiled. But what’s great about your child is they are also the firstborn and can learn to be a great leader and role model for others. As a parent, try not to spoil them. Sure, it’s easier said than done. Because they don’t have someone to constantly compete with, they will tend to get what they want. Try to encourage them to be aware of others’ feelings, especially yours. When they want something, help them to understand what others’ want and how their actions may affect others’ feelings. Even if there isn’t a reason to not let them get what they want, help them understand that they won’t always get their way. It’s important for only-children to be aware of others since, more often than not, things are usually solo for them. If, as a parent, you can find the balance between spoiling and depriving your child, your child is bound to turn out just fine. When your child shows strengths in certain areas, focus on those. But, let them know that while they do have talents, not being first all the time isn’t a problem. Help them to rejoice in others’ successes.

                Lastly, be an involved parent. Statistics often show that only-children are deprived of high quality parent interactions. These numbers, again, draw back to the fact that many of today’s only-children come from broken families. As you only have one child, you have all the more time to spend with them. There will be plenty of opportunities to have quality one-on-one interactions with your child. Make the time if it isn’t there. If you are working, make the time you have off with your child special. Create routines that your child has to look forward to. Find things that you both love that you can do together. Only-children who receive this undivided attention from their parents often develop a stronger sense of self. As the parent you can foster maturity and high self esteem.  It’s those times that will most greatly benefit your child. Time with mom or dad is one of the best ways to enrich your child’s life. Learn together, grow together, love them and be with them. Be grateful that you have so much time to spend with them and know that extra time with mom or dad is only beneficial.

                Only-children are becoming more and more common. If you are the parent of an only-child or if you plan on only having one, just know that your child’s life can be wonderfully enriched by the way you create it for them. Focus on the positive aspects of being the one-and-only. Create plenty of time with peers to make up for the time they would be spending with siblings every day, focus on their strengths as a person while maintaining control and without overindulging them and find the time to be an involved, loving, excited parent.

For more information on raising an only child visit Parents.com