Read My Mind

By Ellie Larsen

Lexington High School

Cast of Characters

WOMAN

MAN

WAITER

Place: Burger Shop

Time: 8:00

Setting: WOMAN’s and MAN’s mind, and restaurant interior

Lighting and Sound:

Blue, Pink and White Lights

Person to clap backstage

(Stage lights up, opens with two tables, each set with two chairs and two table settings. One table set stage left and one stage right.)

(1st clap and lights go black, 5 seconds later 2nd clap and lights turn on.)

(a WOMAN, and a MAN walk in from opposite sides, They both arrive at their own tables and wait 5 seconds until the last final clap when they both sit down at table)

(They sit waiting. After 30 seconds of silence, One clap. Lights turn pink, the WOMAN stands up, walks around her table. Checks under her chair, in a rush, pulls out a chair, etc. after 10 seconds of searching, clap, she sits down.)

(Right after clap, lights turn blue, MAN stands up checks under his seat, not in a hurry, pulls out chair, after around 3 seconds he finds the thing he is waiting for, gets excited sits down)

(Clap, lights turn pink, WOMAN immediately stands up, she walks around the whole stage searching for her missing item, after 15 seconds there is a clap, she rushes back to her seat and quickly sits down.)

(Right after the clap, lights turn blue the MAN takes a few seconds, and stands up, walks over to the WOMAN’S table and places the missing item down on her table, she is in a trance and doesn’t respond. He walks back over to his seat and waits for the next clap to sit down. After clap, lights turn pink and the WOMAN hops out of her seat. notices the item, picks it up and applies it as lipstick.)

WOMAN (excitedly)

Ahhh, my lipstick! Finally! God I don't know what I would have done without it. Jesus! Where the hell did it go? I could have sworn I left it in my bag, everyone at the office says its a mess, my bag I- God, I'm rambling.(to the audience)I’m rambling, right?(She hesitates and tries to provide an explanation for her bag) But I try, I mean it’s just a bag right, I have everything I could ever need, it doesn’t matter if it’s clean or not, its my bag. No! It does matter. Of course it matters. (She sits down and slumps into her table) God why does it have to matter. (She stands up and starts pacing the stage) It matters because, because I refuse to have Chandler see my bag in this state. Or Brad or Thomas, or Sam, or whoever, I cant have them see my bag. He’s going to believe that I'm unprofessional. (She stops, and laughs) Ehh wait why do I care what Chandler thinks, he’s like 34, not married, and also, not my boss? Plus it’s just a bag.

(She shrugs, tosses the lipstick back into her purse and walks back to table, another clap, lights turn blue MAN stands up)

MAN (rises out of seat and walks over to her table, picks up her bag takes lipstick out)

I thought you would want this, and anyways it was just sitting near my table, weird right?! (He laughs, she doesn’t respond- still stuck in trance- he sighs, picks up her hand and starts to shake it, after he starts to walk away)Ok bye, see you later. (As he’s walking away he calls back) cool purse!

(He sits down and there is a clap, lights turn to white. WAITER walks out stage rights and walks up to WOMEN'S table, and places down a menu while looking at something in her hands)

WAITER (Blandly)

Good evening folks. My name’s Amanda and I’m your waitress tonight.(she looks up). Oh it’s just you, hah, ok what can I get you tonight?

WOMAN (looking around for someone)

Um, ok uh can I get… uh, you know what i’ll just get a water please.

WAITER

Ohhh just “a water”(mockingly) yeah I can get water. (She starts to walk away)

WAITER

Hey wait, wait a second, for your information I have… a date.

WAITER

Ok lady. (She turns to walk away)

WOMAN (loudly)

No, No, No! Don’t “ok lady” me. I have a date, yeah I have a date. Yes, he was supposed to arrive at 7:30, and yes it is 7:50, but he’s coming, I just know it! (she jumps out of her chair).

WAITER

Ok lady (the WAITER slowly pushes WOMAN back into her seat)just call me whenever “your date”(mockingly)gets here, ok! (she giggles as she walks away)

(WOMAN sinks back into her seat, and crosses her arms. Clap, lights turn pink)

WOMAN (to audience)

Oh, my god, what the hell is wrong with her?!? (gets out of chair). Who died and made her the queen. Who is she to judge me, I’m the one with the date, not her! (Pause, step up on chair and then on top of table) Ok, i’m supposed to have a date, it was scheduled and I know that counts for something! Speaking of which, where is that guy? (looking around for a date)Hah, I see him! No, no? no! NO, that's not him?

(Defeated she sits back down into her chair, she looks across stage towards MAN, clap lights turn blue, MAN gets out of his chair and walks up to WOMAN'S table, he pulls out a seat and sits down)

MAN (In a proper british accent)

Oh hello again, my oh my that dress you're wearing looks absolutely divine. It’s rather spectacular to meet you, my name is… (switches to american accent) Jeremey, yeah just Jeremey… I know! I know! don’t be too shocked, and don’t be too scared that I’m not British (WOMAN unfazed),BOO!(dry laughter).(back to the British accent) I can hold a rather splendid accent if I do say so myself.(WOMAN doesn’t react, and he goes back to American)Ok! I’m gonna get going, back to my table, have a good day now. (He turns around and his smile drops, he walks over to his table while talking) God, you are so stupid! No wonder britney broke up with you, she HATED your british accent, (stops and pauses to reflect) No, no you know what, actually that’s why I broke up with Her. (He smiles and continues back to his seat where he sits down).

(He zones out while in seat, after 4 seconds of sitting WAITER enters SR and walks up to his table, she attempts to get his attention)

WAITER

Sir? Sir! SIR!

(She bangs her hand down on the table and the lights turn white)

WAITER

Whew! Thank god, I thought we lost you there soldier! (Obnoxiously awkward and loud laugh)

MAN

Oh, (dry laugh, he dramatically looks over towards WOMAN’S seat, angrily the WAITER steps in front of man and clears her throat, he redirects his attention to the WAITER)

WAITER (Grabs his shoulder, and flirts with the MAN)

Ok, sir what can I get you started with today?

MAN (shocked)

Woah! woah, whoah, whaaa… Can I just get a- no, um, eugh maybe a (stressed sigh, quickly moves the shoulder with hand on it towards the audience in hopes of removing hand, plan fails) maybe a… Idunnno aaaaaa… (loudly) WATER! (Shocks waitress and she removes her hand) yes water, I would love water!

WAITER

Water, that right there is a spectacular choice sir!

MAN

Oh.

(Clap lights turn blue, MAN jumps out of his seat)

MAN

OH MY GOD! You saw that right?(turns towards audience) You saw that right? (Turns towards WOMAN) You saw that ri- (stops himself) yeah no you probably didn’t see that, beautiful womannOHMYGOD, oh my god!

(Clap, lights turn pink, MAN stays standing)

WOMAN

Oh my god, I totally saw that, did she think she was being slick, she was totally hitting on him! Why would she do that? He’s obviously waiting here for a date. (Deep gasp of realization) Oh, My, GOD! (Shrieks with happiness) He’s waiting for a date. I’m waiting for a date. We're both waiting for a date! (In a British accent) Why is this revolutionary? You may ask yourself. (american accent) Uh probably, because we both got here at the SAME time, and I know for sure he did not arrive early, HE GOT STOOD UP (she throws her fist into the air, realizes, gets embarrassed and slowly lowers it) Ok anyways, I should totally ask him out, he’s kinda cute. Ehh whatever he probably doesn’t even know I’m here.

(Clap, lights turn white, WAITER enters SR holding two cups with water, she skips over to the MAN’s table)

WAITER

OH hey you!

MAN

um, hi?

WAITER

Ok, here's your water. (She dramatically places the water down carefully on his table, making sure not to spill anything) Ok great, what would you like to eat?

MAN

Can I have a bur-

WAITER

MAY I reccccommmenddd the spiced saffron kobe steak, or rather the tuna tapenade stuffed lobster topped with only our most divine sturgeon caviar?

MAN 

Mam, I thought this was a burger shop?

WAITER

Oh don’t worry, I’m sure we can make an exception.

MAN

No, like where would you even get caviar?

WAITER

You really shouldn’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to.

MAN

That- ok, I'll just have a bur-

WAITER

I HAVE My ways.

MAN

Burger.

WAITER

Excuse me?

MAN

A burger, that’s what I want.

WAITER

Ok, (WAITER walks away and yells) I’ll top that with caviar!

MAN

No please dont-(sighs)

(WAITER walks over to WOMAN’S table and quickly drops the water on table, spilling)

WOMAN

UHH! Thanks.

WAITER

Ok, what do you want?

WOMAN

Um ok can I just get a salad.

WAITER

Mam, this is a burger shop! Order a burger, or leave.

WOMAN

Fine, I’ll get a burger.

WAITER (turns to walk away)

Toppings?!

WOMAN

Cheese and… pickles!

WAITER

Fine, but they’re dill!

WOMAN

Whatever!!!

(Clap, Lights turn pink. WOMAN jumps out of her chair)

WOMAN

I hate dill pickles! This is the worst restaurant ever, this is the worst date ever, this guy totally ghosted me. I showed up, I showed up for him… (pulls out her phone and checks name) Him… Sam, yeah Sam. I’m here for you Sam, and where are you? (pause) You know what, I don’t even care, because someone else showed up for me, if only he would see me. (WOMAN looks at MAN)

(Clap, lights turn blue, WOMAN stays standing)

MAN (Looking at WOMAN)

She looks upset, should I go over there? No I shouldn’t, why would I, every time I’ve gone over there it’s failed, she’ll never look at me!

(Clap, lights turn pink)

WOMAN

Why won't he look at me? Can’t he just look at me?

(Clap, lights turn blue)

MAN

Look at me! I can see you, just look at me!

(lights turn pink)

WOMAN

Look at me!

(lights turn blue)

MAN

Look at me!

(Lights turn pink)

WOMAN

Look!

(Lights turn blue)

MAN

At!

(Lights turn pink)

WOMAN

ME!

(Clap, lights turn black)

BOTH

LOOK AT ME!

(Clap, lights turn white. WOMAN and MAN both standing breathing, heavily, they look at each other and both slowly start walking to center stage)

(Clap, light turns pink)

WOMAN (To audience)

Do you think I should do it, I really don’t think I should do it!

(Clap,lights turn blue)

MAN

Ok here we go.

(They reach center stage and stop, clap, lights turn purple)

MAN (British accent)

Hello, I’m Jeremy, (American accent) OH sorry! weird habit (laughs awkwardly)

WOMAN (laughs)

(British accent) That’s mighty alright Jeremy, I'm Lindsey, (bows) pleased to make your acquaintance.

MAN (british accent)

Splendid to meet you Lindsey, (holds out his arm) shall we? (They walk over to LINSEYS table, and JEREMY pulls out a chair)

WOMAN

OH! Thank you. (They sit down)

(WAITER walks in cheerfully holding a tray with a cup of water, she walks over to MANS table, with head down)

(picks her head up,notices the MAN is gone, and looks at WOMANS table, she slams the tray to the ground)

WAITER (Lights turn white)

YOUR KIDDING ME RIGHT! (She storms off stage and yells backstage) BRAD, HOLD THE CAVIAR! (Woman and man both laugh)

(Dim the lights, but not fully, wait until audience claps to blackout lights)