ESCAPE FROM REALITY:  SCHIZOPHRENIA POETRY

Poetry By Dan Hoeweler

Photos by Carin Rhoden

“Below are several poems about my psychotic episodes.  They are tales that have haunted my mind for years.  Schizophrenia is a terrifying illness that is both traumatic and tragic for those inflicted.  These poems tell the story of millions.”  -Dan Hoeweler

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Blast Off To Insanity

They say I am mad
That I am evil
And creepy
That my genes are corrupted
And my brain is deformed
That my actions are freaky
That my behavior is not the norm

They then ask me the question
“Sir why are you this way?”
I tell them as such:
“A genetic predisposition
An environment unsound
The reasons for madness
Don’t matter to me
For I believe
In the word

Of impossibility”

Wacko Schizo
Psycho and nuts
Call me whatever
I don’t mind
For I can escape
To a strange world
And leave you behind.

I’ve seen places from hell
with fires and flames
Of torture and madness
It’s name is taboo
Psychosis, psychosis
Does it scare you?

Madness, Madness
A self destruct button
That I pressed
Years ago
To blast off on a mission
To a planet
Where the aliens are free
To play with
My memories

Here things are different
Many say they are strange
Here it’s the “normals”
That are deranged
If you want to be different
If you want to be free
From logic and reason
Then come and meet me
On this strange planet called
Insanity

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Parallel Universes

The universe I live in
Is different than yours
I will show you some day
And you will believe
In places
Where death stalks all
Where trickery takes place
Where deception is king
Where demons rule
Where everything is cruel

I came here one day
Through a black hole
Called Knowledge
And viewed the world
In a different light
When traveling through
I saw the demons
That rule everything
Everwhere
All the time

I see them here
In this parallel universe
That you cannot see
That you cannot hear

They can see
Those that are not blind
They track everyone
Who can see the light
They control me
They hear me
They see all

I want to be ignorant again
Just like you
But poisoning my mind
With strange pills
Which brainwash me
Will not let
Me be free

I wish I was blind
And could not see
This world is a curse
To everything
That I breathe

One day you may discover
This parallel world
And find yourself in
A lot of trouble
With demons
That see and hear
Everything that you do
With voices
That will torment you

Stay away from the voices
Stay away from the light
Don’t listen to them
Don’t think they exist
They will lead you here
Where I am now
With voices
And demons that I fear

Stay ignorant please
Forever more
Or the demons will come
And take your soul


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The Demon

Who is that man
That I see
Who is that man
That watches me
You look suspicious
And very strange
Stop staring at me
As if your deranged

I look at you
You glare me
I begin to see
Your murderous spree
I’m onto you
I see your hate
As you walk towards me
I stand and wait
I see your eyes
They are red
Demon of Lucifer
You want me dead

An angelic voice
Speaks to me
From a place
I can not see
“There is no mercy
There is only hate
For you my friend
This is your fate.”
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The Things That Lie Hidden

I sense the hidden apparitions and entities that wander
About my abode
Screaming, squawking, and gnarling
In disharmonious tune

These capricious plotting conniving twisted devils
Torture and pain the fabric of my mind
In inconceivable and intangible ways
Incessantly whispering, screaming, and howling

They sing sagas of my death
They whisper tunes of my suffering
This is the mesmerizing tale they tell
This is the story etched within:

“We are coming to get you
You cannot escape
Your death is near
Do not resist your fate”

This song of death, this requiem of evil
Ensnares my spirit and captures my soul
Till they willingly waltz the dance of death
With abhorrent apparitions in the ballroom of Satan

These seductive entities of death with their songs
So beautifully written by Lucifer just for me
To torment the spirit I once held
Now taint my every nerve and thought

Their melody beckons me even now and here
Their irresistible tunes from what our senses cannot perceive
Their voices of horror and madness from within
I cannot resist them

I profess this as a warning to you:
There are things that you cannot see, that you cannot perceive
That no book will tell of, that no instrument can measure or enumerate
There are things that lie hidden, that no mortal is meant to sense
Do not disturb the natural order of things, lest you suffer my fate

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Psychosis

Running from
A wicked thought
Thinking of
A deadly plot
Seeing and touching
It again
Fleeing fighting
Free me my friend

Thinking thoughts
That it eats
Making it stronger
Making me meek.

An idea begins
A deadly game
Of cat and mouse
That I believe is sane
Help my friend
Save me again
From the beast
Who wants to feast

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The C.I.A.

They like to peep
And watch
And See
And hide
And scheme
And listen
To me.

Their devices
And cameras
Lie under my skin
Their Spies
And Wiretaps
Can find me
Again

Secrets and plots
And nefarious men
Seeking me out
Wherever they can
Creeping around
Without a sound
Help me, my friend



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My Psychiatrist


My psychiatrist is a C.I.A. Agent
I know this to be true
You’d better watch out
He may be watching you

He poisons me daily
By giving me pills
That cloud my mind
And make me ill

His cameras spy
On my every move
As I try to flee
And escape from their view

He likes to trick me
Since I know a lot
About his plans
And his sneaky plot

I know he knows
That I know the truth
That my Psychiatrist’s a CIA agent
That is sneaky and sleuth

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Rosemary

Demon, Demon
Beast of night
Thing of nightmares
That have taken flight
Your voices of terror
And fiends of fright
Horrify me daily
Both day and night

Beastly beast
don’t gravitate my way
Else ye find yourself a carcass
On the road towards Hades

The light shines above me
Justice shall prevail
Your demons will fall
Into fiery hell

I then take my knife
And slay the beast
Till it soon lie dead
For the rats to feast

Falling to the floor
It bleeds
And coughs and gasps
Then reaches towards me
And tearfully says,
“Dan, stop please
I am no fiend but friend
I am neither demon
nor beast
But your lady
Once wed.”
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The Hiding Spot

Rationality eludes me.
My mind is free
to turn my imagination
into a reality.

I hear aliens
from electronics in my brain
they are trying to steal
a mind that was sane

And so I hide,
From their peering eyes,
As they sit in a spaceship,
High in the sky.

Their technology knows,
That I am here,
as I quiver and groan,
In fright and fear.


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Monsters

There is a world
Beyond our own
Where monsters live
Waiting for me
I know they are real
For I live in their world
And not in yours

They say that monsters
Don’t exist
But I have seen them
From inside my brain
Feeding
Feeding
Am I insane?

Transfering thoughts
Reading my mind
Inserting ideas
Inside my head
These monsters are evil
I wish
Them dead

Monsters exist
You may not see them
But I am like a ghost
Wandering this earth
Till I die
And am given second birth

They are all around me
Like spirits in the night
But I am dead
And can see
That they exist
And cause me misery

To experience death
A thousand times
Before I die
Is a burden
Upon me
My soul is wary
And tired
And tortured
With pain
That no one
Can see

I am alone, sir
With monsters
Around me
I am alone, sir
Why are you
Mocking me?
I am alone, sir
With company
I am alone, sir
With monsters
That feed
on me

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Thought Manipulators

Thought Manipulators
Thought Controllers
Thought Deceivers
And Thought Receivers

My thoughts are not yours
To steal
My memories are not yours
To erase
My existence is not yours
To terrorize
My beliefs are not yours
To control

I am free
To think and choose
Don’t come near me
I am not yours

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Voices in the Night


Voices, voices in the night
I hear you speaking
About my plight

“Going to have fun
My puppet my toy
As I steal your thoughts
As I play with your head
I’m eager to feed
As you lie in bed”

Voices please
Stay away
I don’t want trouble
This very day

“I am here
To play with your soul
As you listen to me
You are under my control
My voices come
From within
The device I implanted
Under your skin”

Voices, voices
Threatening me
I beg and plea
Let me be

“An idea can begin
A deadly game
Of cat and mouse
That is insane
Think hard now
At the thought
In your head
Now run for your life
Or just be dead”

Voices, voices
Don’t unleash the beasts
That chase after me

“It’s too late my friend
They are after you
You’d better hurry
They know where you are
So run along
Or you won’t get far

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The Confessions Of My Paranoia


I am the one that follows you
I am the one that knows your thoughts
I am the one that you cannot hide from
I am the one with secret plots

I am the one who tapped your phone
I am the one who whispers in your ear
I am the one who you talk to
I am the one who brings you to tears

I am the one that made you a leper
I am the one that made you feared
I am the one that made you beg
I am the one whose always near

I am the one who stole your wife
I am the one who stole your job
I am the one who stole your home
I am the one who possessed your life

Yours Forever,
Your Paranoia

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You Don’t Know Me


I am not that thing
On your television screen
That searches for victims
In the night

Is that what you think of me?
A madman gone bad
A badman gone wild
A wild man on the loose

Maybe if we met and talked
You would find out
That I am vegetarian
That I can program in C
That I am a nerd who likes Star Wars
And a computer instructor

Instead you see
A man once gone mad
Who used to hallucinate
And hear voices
Who am I?
How would you know

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The Monsters on TV

I am a decent human
Or so I thought
Until the news told me
That I am a
Schizophrenic nut
Gone mad
Destined to be
Soulless and bad

That’s why I decided to turn off the news
And think instead
About the things that matter
Instead of listening to the propaganda
On my TV
Televised stupidity
That doesn’t represent me
Take me away
From that insanity

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The Computer Virus in my Head

Information scrambled into irregular bits and bytes
Are being downloaded into my mind
Corrupting the input/output
Regulator that has given me
Balance throughout time
These corrupt data points
Are a source of angst for my
Central Processing Unit
A source of logic
That has gone mad
And is now creating
Dysfunctional data
Scrambled information
Malignant viruses
And corrupt logic
Inside my head