A Touch&Play Festival sounds exciting, right? You can touch people and play with them. And be touched and played with. You enter a space where many people will be dancing and playing with each other in many different ways. Anything is possible!
But wait a minute! This could be tricky. Maybe you feel a little nervous. What if someone touches you and plays with you in a way that doesn’t feel good? What if you don’t know what you want? What if you know what you want, but no one wants to do that with you?
If you decide to join us at T&P we are sure you will have plenty of exciting experiences. It is also likely that you will have some challenging moments. Sometimes we joke that T&P rather than Touch&Play stands for “Trigger & Process.“ A Trigger is when someone has an unpleasant emotional reaction to a situation. It is very possible you will get triggered by someone or something. The process is then how you deal with, integrate and learn from that reaction.
You can read about the specific offerings of an event on the local Touch&Play event website which will give a taste of what goes on. Here we want to describe a different version of what might happen at the Festival.
Imagine that you are entering a room where all kinds of contact between people is possible. Your first reaction, whether you realise it or not, will happen right away in your body: it will be an emotional reaction. Here are four examples:
The pleasant experiences at Touch&Play are easy to deal with. You simply enjoy them. The unpleasant experiences are the ones that can be challenging. Sometimes the most important experiences in life are unpleasant. Actually, they give us a chance to grow – if we are willing to reflect (process) on them.
If you have an unpleasant experience at Touch&Play, there will be people who can help you reflect on what happened and help you figure out how to take care of yourself. If you get triggered, or you feel lost and lonely you’re invited to check in with out “Soothe & Care team”. If someone goes over your boundary or you go over someone’s boundary and are needing support in processing this you can go to a member of our “Peace & Safety Council”. Or, you could share your experience in your “home/family sharing group” which will be arranged on the first day of the festival. Or, you will meet people who resonate with you, with whom you feel comfortable sharing your feelings.
Another reason that you might feel excited – or overwhelmed – is the variety of people at Touch&Play. People with different gender identities, sexual orientations, neurodiversities, body shapes and sizes, personalities, cultural backgrounds, ages, and languages. These differences shape how we react in a setting like the Touch&Play Festival. For example,
This last difference – the ability to say “no” – can be a real challenge for some people at the Festival. People have very different abilities to feel and say “no”. They have different ways of saying “no” that will be clear or not-so-clear to you.
If you are someone who knows what you want and says “yes” quickly, please be aware that others express “yes” much slower than you do. Or not at all. Or they may be learning how to say “no.” The important thing is respecting them and their “no.”
There will be many options for different kinds of contact at the Festival. We encourage you to think about what you want and don’t want before you come.
As you answer this question, you may notice some contradictions in yourself. Good. We all have contradictions in ourselves. You want something and don’t want something at the same time. You want to connect with someone in one situation, and not connect with the same person in a different situation.
If you can see contradictions in you, you will be prepared for contradictions in others. When someone says “yes” one minute and “no” the next minute -- or when they say “no” to you but “yes” to someone else -- you will know that this is completely normal, and that we are all allowed to change our mind as we go.
Someone who has attended Touch&Play created the word “Touchability.” Here are two examples of Touchability:
How often have you been in a group of people and thought, “I wish that she/he/they would be aware of what they are doing! Can’t they see that their behaviour is hurting themselves or others? Why are they doing that? What is their intention?”
Yes, sometimes other people are not aware of what they are doing and it has a negative impact on themselves and others. But to be honest, we are all members of the club called, “sometimes I am not aware. I do not realise what I am doing that is hurtful. I am not clear about my intentions.” Evenso taking a moment to feel inside of yourself and see what it is you think you are looking for could help avoid unmet expectations later on.
If you are only looking to have sexual experiences, this may not be the right place for you. In trying to fulfill your desires, you might not be aware that you are going over other people’s boundaries. You might do something that would (re-) traumatize someone.
If you want to create beauty and magic, if you want to learn about yourself, if you want to experiment and explore emotional and physical parts of yourself, if you want to dance, if you want to have contact with people who are different from you, if you want to learn from and with other people, if you want to connect to spirit or nature, if you are able to respect others boundaries and their differences … then this might be a great setting for you to touch and play with others.
If you come with an intent to listen, learn and create, welcome!
The first draft of this document was created by Cooper Thomson and Elena Fergnani from the T&P Germany Community and revised through input from the global T&P Tribe