Transcriber: anachilles#0191
0:00:01.0
Ali: Hello, everybody. Here is a special episode of Random Article. Uh, if you're unaware, Random Article was a pitched Patreon podcast, I believe it's still our stretch goal, uh, a show where we go to a random article on Wikipedia and discuss its contents, and then, via links on that page, find other things to talk about. It's funnier than I might be describing it... it's a good show. This, specifically, was a demo that we recorded back in 2019, that was exclusively a Patreon, I believe Pusher bonus, but was unlocked by our livestream fundraising marathon for the National Network of Abortion Funds, which took place yesterday, July 3rd, and is going to be continuing today, July 4th. We are, once again, going to be over at twitch.TV/friendsatthetable today. You can check out our schedule and donate over at donate.friendsatthetable.cash.
0:01:05.1 Some people have been having some weirdness with that link, so if it doesn't work, the full link is over on our Twitter — Twitter.com/friends_table, where I will be continuing to give stream updates throughout the day. So, yeah. Come through if you're able. Uh... I just want to give a huge thank you to, to everybody who's donated so far, everybody who's hung out and had a good time with us, everybody who's shared that we're doing this. The response has been... overwhelming, is what I'll say. We have already raised 82,864 dollars. Which is like an incomprehensible number, not something that we thought we would get close to. So, thank you so much, everybody, for your generosity, everybody who's showing up for abortion rights. Again, the National Network of Abortion Funds is a collective of over 100 abortion funds throughout the country. There's multiple for each state. These organizations will do things like fund abortions straight out, but will also do things like fund travel, or food, or childcare, for people who have to travel out of their state to seek medical care. Some of these organizations will do things like advocacy, or provide support and counseling for people seeking abortions, or who have had an abortion.
0:02:42.2 These are all organizations that are increasingly in-need with the recent Supreme Court decision. People are already being denied medical care that they need and want. So, we're so happy to do this, and we're blown away by the support people have shown. So thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you thank you thank you, thank you, so much. Uh... in addition to Random Article, some other things that we have unlocked via milestones — A More Civilized Age is going to do a Star Wars actual play oneshots. Hell yes, baby. Tomorrow in the feed we are going to be releasing the Gen Con Marielda live show that we did. Also exclusively on Patreon up until now, but hell yes, baby, thank you. [chuckling] Uh... for my Sangfielle people out there, we are going to be doing a True/ False War game with Duvall and Lyke. If you don't know, there was a card tournament within Sangfielle, where Duvall was named the champion because Lyke was not there. And now Lyke is going to have to come back and defend his honor, once again
0:03:57.6 So, look forward to that. I don't know when that's going to be in the feed, but it's going to be funny and good, so enjoy that. Uh... in addition to that, Friends at the Table is also going to do a Wildermyth let's play. If you haven't heard of Wildermyth, it's an adventure game that's like, very character and RPG focused. So we thought that it might be fun to do that as a group. We are very much looking forward to it. And then, the other milestone that we reached is that tonight, for the grand finale of our fundraising marathon, we are going to be returning to Marielda. We didn't think that we would reach this goal as soon as we did. This is so exciting. The stream for that should be starting tonight at 5:15. Again, that is at twitch.TV/friendsatthetable. We're going to be playing Scene Thieves by Tyler Crumrine, which I am fucking excited for. You can check that game out over at Possible World games. Possible-worlds-games.itch.IO/scenethieves. I want to, again, just thank everybody who was involved in the first day, everybody who donated, everybody who hung out. Shoutout to Adam Vass and Standoff, which is the game we opened the event with. You can find that over at worldchampgameco.itch.io. The designer released the game as a standalone because we were streaming it. So you can find that at /standoff. But I actually like, really strongly recommend the zine that it was a part of originally, Wish You Were Here, because it's like a really interesting collection of games, really well-presented. So, shoutouts.
0:05:56.0 I also want to give a huge thank you to the Final Fantasy aquarium that we toured. If you want more information on that, you can find one of the organizers over at @fisharefruity on Twitter.com. Apparently, they run events pretty often in Final Fantasy of like, we're going to teach you how to fish. They like, recently did a Pride event, so like, shoutout. Shoutouts. Okay. [laughing] Uh...
0:06:22.9 Again, the, the stream is going to be continuing today, July 4th, if you're listening to this when this is released. We're going to be starting at 12 PM eastern time, running until... we're saying 9 PM eastern time, but who knows what's going to happen at this point. Again, the Marielda game should be starting at 5:15 PM eastern time, so, come through to twitch.TV/friendsatthetable. Uh... check out donate.friendsatthetable.cash. At the moment that I'm recording this, we only need one more stretch goal. We're probably going to be picking up some more. Uh... at 100,000 dollars, we're going to be doing a mini-arc of the Chime's first mission together. Uh... the Chime was the, the player group from COUNTER/Weight. Aria Joie, AUDI, Mako, and Cass are going to be returning for the first time they worked together, uh, which is going to be a blast. I was joking with Jack that the thought of playing Aria again is like, bonkers, because it's been so long, but if you asked me to do it right now, I probably could. Uh, like, on a dime. So, very much looking forward to that. I hope that we reach that. If we don't, support has been overwhelming and wonderful to see.
0:07:44.4 So, thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you to everybody, once again. Uh, there have been some questions on whether the videos will still be available. Uh, yes, they will. It's going to be up for 14 days at twitch.TV/friendsatthetable. And we were able to record a backup of the first day, so that should be on our YouTube later. We're hoping to also get one for the second day, but fingers are crossed on that one. There have been some questions on whether anything from the marathon are going to be put into the feed later. Uh... we haven't made a decision about that, and I'm going to be completely honest, in the doing of doing a fundraising live stream marathon, we sort of have just not made that decision, and are not prepared to for like the next 24 hours, probably. But for things like the standoff let'splay, for things like Random Article, for things like, obviously the Marielda game tonight, those should probably be in the feed at some point. So for that I'm saying probably extremely likely, but I cannot give you an ETA. So, yeah. Again, if you're listening to this on July 4th, come through. Come over to Twitch.TV/friendsatthetable. Check out donate.friendsatthetable.cash. And... fuck July 4th, and fuck the Supreme Court, and celebrate reproductive rights and body autonomy. And... have a good day. Okay, bye.
0:09:19.1
Austin: All right, I'm now live. The thing I'm now going to do —
Art: Oh, shit. Front row seat to one-fourth of the —
Austin: Publish... hit publish, and then I'm going to go to Twitter.com.
Jack: It's all go, innit?
Austin: Shit. I... wait, do I have our login wrong for Twitter, or am I just typing wrong?
Art: Oh, man, did someone hack our Twitter? That would be...
Dre: First they came for crunchyroll, and I said nothing.
Austin: Wait, did anyone, did someone hack crunchyroll?
Dre: Well, their account got banned, and I don't know why.
Austin: Oh.
Dre: I, I saw somebody tweeting that I think is a crunchyroll staff member that they tried to change the birthday as like a shitpost.
Jack: And then Twitter was just like, “no.”
Dre: Well, it probably triggered like, some kind of like, you know, security thing.
Art: If you change your birthday to say that you're under 13, they will just ban your Twitter account, that will happen.
Dre: Oh, that's probably what they did. It's back now, though. Crunchyroll is back.
Austin: Uh... where's Ali?
Jack: You're looking for Ali? In the world?
Austin: Art, can you text me or DM me what you think our Twitter password is?
Art: I don't have our Twitter password.
Jack: Do we want to take the stream down, or should —
Austin: No. It's fine that it's up.
Art: I have our business email, and not the Tips email, and not the Twitter.
Austin: Hm.
Art: Which is honestly fine, I don't need to... tweet for us. I'm not up on the memes.
Austin: Great.
Jack: There's only one meme you need to know about, Art.
Art: Yeah?
Austin: Jesus.
Jack: Uh, and —
Austin: It's Jesus? Is it Jesus?
Jack: No, it's, it's —
Art: Oh, what a meme we have in Jesus.
Respondent: I'm really upset that you all are giving Jack more time to get out of this joke that they've set themselves up for.
All: [laughing]
Jack: I, I can't beat, “oh, what a meme we have in Jesus,” tbh, so I'm just —
Dre: [laughing]
Jack: I'm just retiring here. The best meme is man's not hot.
Austin: It's a good one.
Respondent: Yeah, no, yeah.
Austin: It's a good one.
Jack: That's the best one that we've come up with.
Austin: It's good because it's good. Have you heard that recently?
Jack: Yeah, it's good.
Austin: It's still good.
Jack: Yeah, it's good.
Austin: It's very funny.
Jack: Season 6.
Austin: Did you say season 6?
Jack: Season 6 music. [laughing] season...
Austin: Is going to be — it's not. Going to be man's not hot. Is it?
Jack: It is not going to be man's not hot, no.
Austin: Uh... here we go, I can share? Can I do this? Can I do this? Can I copy this link... will this link be the right link? These are the questions.
Jack: It's going to be man's not hot adjacent.
Austin: No, this is not the fucking — oh my god, how do I get there? How do I do the thing I want to — okay, I know how to do this, I can do this, I know how to do it. I know how, to do it. This is a great show that we have going on here, folks. Is anyone in the chat? No. Because it's for Pushers only, there's like, between — it is not enough of them, is really what I'll say. No, I — thank you for being a Pusher if you're a Pusher, I want to be clear. You're great.
Jack: We're narrowcasting, Austin, here, to — [laughing]
Dre: [laughing] Oh, oh, there's someone here.
Austin: Oh, someone's here. Who's here?
Art: Hey.
Jack: Welcome, hello.
Austin: Nick. Hey, Nick. How's it going?
Dre: Nick?
Austin: Yeah, Nike, Nike Maregos.
Art: 6 people are watching — oh, I guess it's us 4...
Austin: [outburst of laughter] Plus Jess. Plus Nick.
Dre: Oh god.
Art: Plus Jess, and Nick. All right.
Dre: It's like that one Reddit relationship post about the boyfriend who was twitch streaming for himself only.
Art: Oh, that was so sad.
0:13:04.5
Jack: That one made me really sad.
Austin: Oh, that one is so sad.
Jack: Austin, don't — okay, good, if you —
Austin: I remembered it, I remembered it.
Jack: I was hoping that you either didn't know and weren't going to look it up, or had forgotten, but unfortunately, you remembered.
Austin: Mm-hm.
Jack: It's very sad.
Austin: Sorry, I'm still trying to get myself a link.
Art: Twitch is sad, if you think about it.
Austin: On my phone, here we go.
Jack: Twitch is sad, if you think about it. Twitch is sad if you think about it — you know what Twitch really wants you to do? Is stream constantly. Have any of y'all looked at the, like, Twitch back end recently? It's bad.
Austin: Mm-hm.
0:13:46.2
Jack: Uh, they're like, did you do X many hours in the last three days? And if so, we're going to call you like... a Twitch King, or something. It's, it's very painful.
Austin: I don't want to be a Twitch King.
Jack: I don't want to be a Twitch King. I want to be a Baron of a small wine-producing region in southern France.
Austin: [laughing]
Dre: Oh, I thought you were going to say a small Baron of Mixler.
Jack: Yeah, that too. I'll be, I'll be streaming about wine production.
Austin: [still laughing in background] Uh, all right.
Dre: Slash wine creator.
Austin: I've, I've done the things I need to do. I've done the tweet, I've done the post, I've done —
Jack: Hell yeah.
Austin: I've done, I ate a, a coffee crisp, a delicious coffee crisp.
Dre: Oh.
Jack: What — do you still have coffee crisps leftover from Vancouver?
Austin: Janine sent me more, because she knew I was in a bad mood.
Jack: Oh, you got bonus ones. Okay. Nice.
Austin: So — it was very nice. Hi, Janine. Uh... we should just do this really rough, that way it's bad.
Jack: True.
Austin: And that way no one has any expectations about the future. Does that sound good?
Jack: Sure.
Dre: Yeah, sounds great.
Art: Great.
Austin: All right. All right. So... we should clap, we should clap first. Let's do a clap. That's still a thing we have to do.
Art: Yeah, let's not forget the clap part.
Jack: That bit's important, we have a whole podcast named after that.
Austin: We do.
Art: But none of this'll [breaks up]
0:15:03.5
Austin: Art's connection is still... Jess, can you please figure out —
Jack: Now I am in this... look, Los Angeles Wi-Fi fucking sucks.
Austin: Just plug in the ethernet cable.
Art: It doesn't work.
Austin: What do you mean it doesn't work?
Jack: It doesn't work!
Dre: Wait, why doesn't it work?
Jack: Spectrum, spectrum —
Art: It doesn't register —
Jack: Spectrum kind of run whole bits of LA with varying degrees of quality.
Austin: I, I get it. I am in a duchy of spectrum, but I can still plug my —
Dre: Yeah, so am I.
Austin: See? We're all under [laughing] the tyrant king's banner.
Dre: [laughing]
Austin: All right? But we, you, you plug in the ethernet, you call them, you go, why is the ethernet not working? They go, oh, I'm going to send over someone, it's going to be 72 dollars. You go, 72 dollars? They go, 68. And you say, okay. And then they come out.
Art: You're fucking haggling?
Austin: You haggle. Of course you haggle.
Art: You know why, you know why this is your fault, Austin?
Austin: Why?
0:15:51.8
Dre: [laughing in background]
Art: [chuckling] I think it's a bad network card. And I've thought it's been a bad network card for a long time. Last time you came to Los Angeles, you were like, “I'll replace your network card for you.” No, you didn't do it. You didn't replace my network card.
Austin: I would have! I would've! Why — if you, if you had another one there I would have happily replaced your network — also, I'm going to be clear. You could replace your network card. It's not hard.
Art: I don't know what a network card looks like —
Dre: Or you could just plug it into your motherboard! Because every motherboard has an ethernet jack on it.
Austin: You just, it goes like — exactly! Exactly that. Also that. Exactly that.
Art: Plug it into the motherboard... why don't I just hack the gigabyte while I'm at it?
0:16:24.0
Austin: [laughing] Oh my god.
Jack: Art, I'll do this —
Dre: [laughing]
Jack: Art, I'll do this for you, for 74 dollars. [chuckles]
Art: How about 68? [laughing]
Austin: [still laughing]
Jack: Are you haggling?
Austin: I appreciate that before we went live, we thought about doing a fake different show that was going to be a standup show, which we didn't have. None of us had 5 minutes. But between us, we all have 3.
Dre: [laughing]
Jack: We found our way there. Hell yeah.
Austin: Uh... we should clap.
Jack: Okay, let's do it.
Austin: Uh... 5 after?
Jack: 10.
Austin: 10. 10.
[clap, smattered]
0:17:03.5
Dre: Oh, boy, I was early.
Austin: Mmm... I was late. Let's do 25, just to be safe. Stretch a little bit...
Jack: Big ol countdown.
Austin: There we go. All right. 25. Here we go. We can do it.
[clap, synchronized]
Austin: Much better.
Jack: Yeah.
Austin: Good clap.
Jack: That was fine.
Austin: All right, ready?
0:17:22.3 Hey, everybody. Welcome to Random Article. What is Random Article? Well, if you are a die-hard fan, it's a little bit like fishteen minutes, except it's like an hour long, and not so much about fish. Uh, or it's a little bit like a clapcast, except, instead of just kind of talking, we have like a little bit of an object to talk about. If you've checked out previous live games, you've known that there are times when we are in the middle of recording and we go, wait a second, what's up with this thing? What's up with, uh, cats? What's up with pirate flags? And, we go off on a journey, into the world of Wikipedia. And, today, I, Austin Walker, joined by Art Martinez-Tebbel —
Art: Hi! Uh...
Austin: We're got going to do these. This is, listen, right, this one specifically is for people who spend a lot of money on us every year. And, they know who we are. Jack de Quidt.
Jack: Hi.
Austin: And Andrew Lee Swan.
Dre: Hey.
Austin: Are going to dive headfirst into Wikipedia, one random article at a time, to find stuff to talk about and learn, because we enjoy doing that, and we don't do it enough, and this gives us, uh, uh, a way to do it. Now, there are a couple things to say. One, this is what we are piloting as a potential replacement show for the second Bluff City episode, that would be the 20,000 dollar level tier reward. We could never do two Bluff City episodes, we've learned, by doing a bunch of Bluff City episodes. At least not where we're at right now. Never is too long, but right now a lot of us have day jobs and have other obligations. Like, that is not necessarily something we can do and commit to. We talked about this on a previous live.
0:19:04.7 But, this, where what we do is we say, for one hour, we're going to be on Wikipedia together and have fun and talk, we can do that. And we think people might like it. The other thing I want to note is, this could be bad, and we could just throw it away. And you —
Jack: Yeah.
Austin: People could be the only people who ever hear it. And we think, mmm, let's figure out something else for that 20,000 dollar tier. Uh, we are dead serious about it —
Jack: About the fact we can bin it.
Austin: Yeah, exactly. I love it, because I want to, I want to bin something. When you say, we could bin it, that makes me want to bin something.
Jack: Sure.
Austin: So, who knows what it is.
Jack: We can come up with worse shows if you want to have a show to bin, Austin.
Austin: You know... let's think about it. [laughs]
Art: Throw it in ol' file 13.
Austin: Exactly. Are there any questions before we begin? From, from, the group gathered or from the crowd online?
Art: Uh... yeah, I have a question.
Austin: Yeah, Art Martinez-Tebbel?
Art: Uh, yeah. Thank you, for recognizing me by name.
Austin: Yeah.
Art: Uh, we, like I said in chat before we got in here, we could just come up with shows to bin them.
Austin: Yeah.
Art: And it would be like, it could give us, it could give us some space, for, uh...
Austin: Okay, this is true.
Art: Like, like I suggested Friends at the... what was, what was my crappy title for this crappy idea?
Austin: [sighs] I don't... I don't know.
Jack: Stand-up... [sighs]
Austin: Stand-up at the Table?
Art: It was like Friends... at... a monthly show where we all practice our stand-up sets. I think the problem is, I think Keith might be able to do.
0:20:33.0
Austin: Keith could do it.
Jack: Yeah, that's true.
Art: Uh...
Austin: Which would make me feel terrible.
Art: For binning it.
Austin: For binning it. Because then it'd be like, no, I'm killing your dreams. [chuckles] You went get to do stand-up.
Art: All right, if, if Keith's dreams are doing stand-up for an audience of, let me see, 5 people... uh, [laughing]
Dre: [laughing]
Art: That's a really, just, achievable dream.
Austin: That's fair. That's fair. uh...
Jack: I have a question.
Austin: Yeah.
Jack: We're serious when we say an hour, right? That's the other thing.
Austin: Yeah. There is a clock on the, on the screen right now. I'm going to hit that button with — here's what I'm going to do. When we hit random article for the first time —
Jack: Mm-hm?
Austin: I'm going to hit the button.
Jack: We reserve the right to hit the button as many as times as we want, there aren't any rules about that, and we reserve the right to toss out any article we see if it's just like, list of murderers.
0:21:24.9
Austin: Right. I, this is the thing. And in fact, I don't even know that I'm going to show the Wikipedia screen until I have something I like.
Jack: Sure, good.
Austin: You know what I mean?
Jack: Do you know that at the top of the list of murderers, it says, “please do not add to the list by doing murders?”
Austin: I do know that. I do... that's a, a smart thing to include just in case.
Jack: [chuckling] It's very important.
Austin: Legally, you know, for litigation's sake.
Art: Uh... I have a couple questions.
0:21:48.7
Austin: Sure. Art Martinez-Tebbel?
Art: Yeah, thank you. So, should we be watching the stream? For the articles?
Austin: No. No, I'll link you to the articles when we get one.
Art: Okay.
Jack: Okay.
Austin: I'll read them as we go through them.
Art: Are we going to random article, or are we going to click —
Austin: I think once we've committed to an article, we can begin exploring. It's like, it's like a Ben Robbins game, it's like Microscope. You're like, okay, here's some high-level stuff, here's like a cool thing, this is a neat thing. Okay, blah-blah-blah. And then you go, wait a second, can we zoom, can I get a scene of this? I want to zoom in on this, can we zoom in on this? And when we're in zoom-in mode we can start clicking articles.
Jack: Sure.
Austin: But we open with random article. You see what I'm saying?
Jack: Yeah.
Austin: And we go through, we go through them there until there's something that really catches our interest. And I think the way I want to do this is that there's someone in every episode who's in charge of like, clicking through random articles. But it could get dire. It could get to a situation where like, I'm not hitting anything, and I need other people to hit random article. That's a possibility. Uh... another thing, just remembered.
0:22:51.2 Probably not going to do this as a live show, going forward. We're doing it live now because we wanted to do a Pusher update and we thought this was a cool Pusher update, would be seeing us work out some of the bugs and try this out. But, I think the fact that you could just hit a list that's like, here's the listing of all the murderers, like Jack noted, I would rather have the ability to just like, cut those segments out if they're bad. Like, or imagine we go like, I bet we could do a list of murderers and make it funny! [laughing] And then 13 minutes in, uh, ooh, mmm... that, we might want the ability to cut that out. That's an important thing for safety. Uh... for sure.
Art: Oh, one of these people be cool.
Austin: I... you know. I bet one murderer in the history of murderers was cool.
Jack: Here we go again.
Art: [laughing]
Austin: But, but — this is why, uh-huh, see? This is how they get you.
Jack: [chuckles]
Art: This is how the murderers get you?
Austin: This is how the murderers get you.
Jack: Okay.
Austin: Uh... your wife in the chat, Art, says, “some people are interested in all the murderers, though.” And for them, what I recommend is, Wikipedia's list of [laughing] all the murderers.
Jack: [laughing]
Art: Also, just like, I think if you pick a random podcast on [breaking up] murderers.
Jack: That's true, yeah.
Austin: That's true.
Art: Including this one, now.
Austin: All right. Apparently. I, I am going to get ready to hit the button. Are there any other questions? Dre, do you have any questions?
Dre: Uh, uh, no, I rest at this time.
Austin: Thank you. Thank you. [chuckles] Are you defense? Are you prosecution? Are you plaintiff? Who even knows? I'm going to do it, I'm going to hit it. Ready?
Dre: Do it.
0:24:24.5
Austin: I'm going to start the clock. I'm going to put a clock on the board. 60 minutes. Ready?
Art: But the, the clock doesn't start until you find an article you like?
Austin: Okay — no, it starts right away. It starts the first time I hit random article, which I'm going to do... now. I've hit the button. I've set — okay. Wait. I've set a 60-minute clock, there we go. Uh... uh, uh, David Borough, British labour politician. Uh, not feeling it. Random article.
Art: Big mood.
Austin: Lazy, a commune in the [deubs] department in Borgonne — I'm not going to be able to pronounce any of this region of France. I'm going to hit random article. Here is... okay, wow, this is — no, okay, this is an Italian comedy about, [laughing] about — Benito Mussolini's regime. I'm going to keep moving. [laughing]
Art: [laughing]
Jack: Wow, Wikipedia. Wikipedia, I feel, is full of, uh, uh, Wikipedia pages about regions and provinces.
Austin: Here's what I will say —
Jack: Small European villages.
0:25:25.1
Austin: I will say, if there was more on this page. This page is, “who hesitates is lost,” a 1960 Italian comedy film based on the slogan of Benito Mussolini's regime.
Jack: Jesus.
Austin: If this had more on it, I bet we could dig in, but the only thing is a synopsis that says, “two employees at a Naples company engage in a rivalry to see who can succeed their boss. So...
Jack: Wow.
Art: I almost said, remember when things had good titles, and it turned out the title I liked was Mussolini's slogan.
Austin: [laughing] Yeah, bad!
Jack: [laughing]
Austin: Random article. Here we go. Tram, Kentucky. An unincorporated community in Floyd County, Kentucky.
Dre: Oh, sure.
Jack: Okay.
Austin: What do we — do we know anything about Tram, Kentucky?
Dre: Uh, it's in Kentucky.
Austin: Okay.
Jack: It's just called Tram.
Dre: I know where Floyd county is.
Austin: Why is it called Tram? Here's a question we need to figure out. Can we go off wiki?
Jack: Yeah, totally.
Austin: Can I click on, “featured detail report for Tram, Kentucky, USGS?”
Jack: Yeah, totally.
Art: I thought you were going to link it when you found one, where's the link?
Austin: Well I didn't know, I didn't know if we found one or not. I'm trying to figure out, is this one, is Tram, Kentucky.
Art: We're all talking about Tram.
Austin: [laughing] Okay, are we? What do we know... we could, we could hit some dirt here. I don't know about Tram. Tram has... the map name is Harold. What's it mean when the map's name is Harold?
Dre: [giggling]
Jack: Well, Austin, it — Austin —
Austin: Okay.
Jack: It means that the map's name is Harold, Austin.
Art: Yeah.
Austin: Okay, I'm sorry.
Art: Hello, Harold, you would say to the map.
Austin: [chuckles]
Jack: I'm looking at Tram, Kentucky, on — it's on a river.
Austin: Uh-huh. Is it on a river?
Jack: Yeah, it's on a river called, uh, Levisa Fork.
Austin: Here's what I don't like. I don't like Wikipedia, because when I'm looking at the little picture here —
Dre: Let 'em have it.
Art: Bad start for this show.
Austin: If I look at this little picture here on the right, it has a nice little thing, it says Tram, and you see like on the map, it says Tram, and there's a little dot that says where Tram is. You click through... this is just a map of Kentucky. There's no, Tram isn't noted here!
Jack: Oh...
Dre: Oh...
Jack: That's horrible.
Austin: How am I supposed to, how am I supposed to see it?
Dre: Okay, here's what I want, here's what I want people to do. Guess where I am on this map of Kentucky?
Jack: Oh, gosh.
Austin: Oh...
Jack: Where... where is the map of Kentucky and how do I get to it?
Austin: It, it — Wikipedia.
Dre: Does anyone know where Louisville is?
Jack: Uh...
Austin: I know... nothing.
Art: It's northy, right? Northy?
Dre: I don't think I can give hints here if we're going to —
Austin: Is it near a border?
Art: Yeah, I think Louisville is near the Ohio border.
Jack: Okay, which one is Ohio?
Art: Close to Cincinnati?
Dre: [laughing]
Austin: Is Cincinnati south of Ohio... I don't think that's true. I don't think that's —
Art: Cincinnati is in southern Ohio.
Austin: Yeah, but I don't think it's close to Cincinnati. Wait a second. I got to look at a map of Ohio now. Oh, Cincinnati is in southern Ohio. It's very southern, it's the border.
Jack: Okay, so —
Austin: Do you live in, Dre, do you live in Cincinnati?
Dre: I do not.
Jack: Is Louisville on a river?
Austin: Ooh.
Dre: Oh, I —
Austin: There's a lot of rivers here, that's not going to help.
Dre: Are we, are we, are we into hint-giving territory?
Jack: Yes!
Austin: Yes.
Dre: Okay, yes, yes. It is on a river, and yes, it is on a border.
Austin: I'm going to —
Jack: Is it — hm...
Austin: I'm going to say it's... you laughed at the Cincinnati thing. Which makes me think it's not even...
Jack: Is it closer to Tennessee or one of the ones above it?
Art and Dre: [huge outburst of laughter]
Austin: Hey, Jack?
Dre: One of the ones above it. AKA north.
Art: [still cracking up]
Austin: I'm going to — hm.
Art: We should just get Jess on this show, she's doing great work in the comments here. She has a tripadvisor, she has the only house for sale in Tram.
0:28:58.1
Austin: Wow, see, this is, this is great, this is good stuff. I think it's — is it near, there's this big river, there's the big set of rivers —
Jack: Yeah, towards the bottom?
Austin: Yeah, is that, is it that? Is it like literally — oh, I zoomed in on this vector map, I'm now lost. [chuckling] I'm lost in Kentucky. There are these like — forked river.
Dre: No, like —
Art: Holy shit.
Dre: I see where you're circling, and no, no.
Austin: Fuck. I thought, like, okay, there's a lot of rivers there...
Dre: Wait, hold on, wait.
Jack: Do you see that weird river thing going on in the left?
Austin: On the left? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what I'm talking about, the forked... in this area.
Dre: Yeah.
Jack: It looks like an N.
Austin: Yeah, that one.
Dre: You're in Padouka territory, now.
Austin: Is that place — is Padouka cool?
Jack: Oh, I, I hate to be in Padouka territory. Uh, is it, what about the river that's kind of in the middle?
Austin: We're just going to go through rivers here. This one?
Dre: [unintelligible]
Art: I really think it's on the northern border, I really...
Dre: Considering you asked me if it was on a border and I said yes, it's definitely on a border. [laughing]
Austin: Oh, there's a river on this whole border. This whole border is a river.
Dre: Yeah. That's the Ohio river, that's why, that's why the northern border of Kentucky's all fucking weird.
Jack: Oh, because it was, because the river, because of a river.
Austin: A river ran through it.
Jack: A river ran through it.
Austin: Uh... all right. So then, it's just — it's on this northern river somewhere.
Dre: Yes.
Austin: And it's not near Cincinnati.
Dre: It is not.
0:30:19.5
Austin: Well okay, but wait. Is it, is it, though?
Dre: No, it's not.
Austin: What do you mean by isn't?
Dre: Uh... Lexington is the Kentucky city that's like, the major Kentucky city that's close to Cincinnati
Austin: Gotcha.
Dre: Although it's still like, 30, 40 minutes south?
Austin: Can you tell me —
Dre: There's a, there's a city in Kentucky called Covington, which is basically just an extension of Cincinnati.
Austin: Gotcha. I don't know shit about Kentucky or Ohio.
Dre: That's okay.
Austin: Honestly.
Dre: It's, uh, do you want me to just tell you?
Austin: Yeah.
Dre: Okay, so, I'm trying to, I'm trying to think of how to describe it. It's on the border with Indiana.
Austin: Oh.
Art: Oh.
Dre: And it's almost like smack-dab in the middle —
Austin: So, west. So, is it — wait. Oh, okay, wait wait wait. So this is Ohio here.
Dre: It's hard for me to keep up, since I'm like 5 seconds behind you.
Austin: Okay, you're right. Uh, Ohio, is Ohio in the northeast of this map?
Dre: Yes, yes. Yes.
Austin: And then the far east, this is West Virginia over here, like the east east is West Virginia.
Dre: Yeah, slash Virginia.
Austin: Slash Virginia, right right right. Like Virginia is actually lower for you, right? Because of the way it works?
Dre: So... yeah, yeah.
Art: Virginia is just generally below West Virginia, right?
Austin: Is it? Yeah.
Art: Isn't the northern border of Virginia, West Virginia?
Austin: Yes, that makes sense. Yeah, West Virginia, yes, you're totally right. And Maryland and Delaware.
Art: Sure.
Austin: Uh, but — or Maryland? I don't fucking remember. Anyway. So then that's Ohio, which means, to the west of Ohio is Indiana?
Dre: Yep.
Austin: So you're then, in this, in this Indiana region somewhere.
Dre: Where that, okay, like in the middle of Indiana where there's that, like, big U-dip?
Austin: Yeah, this [bwee-yoop] right here? [Yoo-oo-ah] Right here.
Dre: Yes. Yeah. Louisville is on the eastern side of that.
Austin: Oh, okay. Cool.
Dre: Yeah.
Austin: That's far from the cool M river, which is extreme metal.
Dre: [laughing] That's true.
Austin: What's up with that river?
Dre: I actually don't know.
Austin: Hm. If only there were a way to find out.
Jack: It's apparently drizzling in Tram right now, temperatures of 72, uh...
Austin: Oh. Can we look at the one house that's for sale in Tram?
Jack: The, the white one with the like, uh, with the, the, like stone lions outside?
0:32:37.9
Austin: Is that what it is? I don't have that link somehow.
Art: Jess, post the link in the chat here.
Austin: Oh, I thought Jess already did. I was very confused. Uh...
Art: But now we have to wait for the delay.
Austin: Yeah, this is the problem right here.
Art: Yeah.
Austin: Well no, no you don't, because you said it out loud to Jess. So Jess should be able to post it —
Art: Oh, I'm not in the same —
Jack: Oh, I think I found it. I think I found one, at least.
Art: I got it. It's in the chat right now.
Austin: All right, here we go.
Dre: Oh, this is a nice-looking house.
Austin: Oh, okay. Shit, do y'all want to buy a house?
Art: We could buy a free-standing house for 29,000 dollars.
Austin: We... what are we doing? [laughs]
Art: [laughing]
Jack: Oh, I was looking at a different house, I think.
Austin: This is nice-looking. I don't want to live in Tram. Actually, wait, this is Allen. This is Allen, Kentucky, thank you. Is Allen near Tram? It must be.
Dre: Probably. Kind of, once you start getting into like, eastern Kentucky, honestly you're going by county less so than city.
Austin: Gotcha, gotcha.
Art: Is this where Justified took place?
Dre: Uh... I mean, yeah. Like, this is, this is Appalachia, so, yes.
Austin: Okay. Gotcha.
Art: Living that show.
Dre: I don't know how far it is from, uh, oh shit, where is he from in that show?
Art: It's like, Harlan County, is that a real county?
Dre: Yeah, it is, Harlan is —
Austin: That sounds real.
Dre: 100 percent a real county. Kentucky also has like 140 something counties.
Austin: That's a lot.
Art: Yikes. Too many. Too many counties.
Dre: It's a lot of counties. Uh, yes, Harlan is very real.
Art: The show is, of course, just shot up in the northern part of LA county.
Dre: Yeah.
Austin: Home sweet home.
0:34:15.1 I'm going to go back to Wikipedia, I'm going to hit another random article, we're going to keep moving, we got to keep —
Art: Yeah, I think we got Tram.
Austin: I think we got Tram, done. I know everything about Tram. [laughing] I don't really know anything about Tram, I'm sorry, Tram residents. Uh... here we go.
Dre: Y'all come back, now.
Art and Austin: [laughing]
Austin: We got a coal power plant region in the punjab region of Pakistan.
Jack: Okay.
Austin: Uh... I don't know if I want to dig in on coal power yet today. We have, John Chapman. Uh... Jack, before I link this, what would you say John Chapman is? Just the name.
Jack: I mean, he — John Chapman.
Austin: Yeah.
Jack: He's a, a, like a politician? In the... 19...
Austin: I'll give you, I'll give you dates, and then you can — born 1814.
Jack: John Chapman. Born 1814.
Austin: John Chapman.
Jack: Is he some kind of reformer?
Austin: Uh... he really reformed, uh, he... in a sense, because of how good he was, maybe he shifted things.
Dre: If he was a reformer...
Jack: John Chapman... was he a footballer or a cricketer?
Austin: He was a cricketer.
Jack: Hell yeah!
Dre: Wow.
Austin: [laughing]
Dre: You got that really fucking fast, Jack.
Austin: John Chapman, cricketer, born 1814, died April 14th, 1896, really saw the 19th century for what it was. I actually don't believe that was true.
Jack: Okay. What do you think he saw it as? [laughing]
Austin: [laughing]
Jack: A, a field to hit a red, hard ball with a, with a cricket bat —
Austin: [laughing] Okay, but here's, so here's where I'm going to go, and I think you know — well, first of all, excuse you, cricket archive. I clicked on the John Chapman page on cricket archive, and it was like, all right, well I guess you got to spend 5 [laughing] pounds a month if you want to know his stats. Please!
Art: Woah.
Austin: I don't need to know it that bad, cricket archive. But also I'm going to — I'm going to try to —
Jack: They hand those subscriptions out with my national insurance card, I could log in.
Dre: [laughing]
Austin: Thank you. I'm, wait, let me just, let me just load it and then hit stop. I'm trying to load it and hit stop so I can freeze the page, you know?
Art: I'm irrationally mad that there isn't a picture of this person, despite the fact that I'm not sure photography...
Austin: [laughing]
Jack: That's — photography was definitely real in... hang on, when was this dude around?
0:36:26.3
Austin: Oh my god, look at this beard. Is this him? Wait a second. We've got to talk about cricket. The thing we've got to talk about is —
Dre: Holy shit.
Austin: I don't think that's him. That's WG Grace.
Jack: Oh, sure, WG Grace —
Austin: Also a great name.
Jack: WG Grace played a lot of cricket and, and shit.
Austin: Look at this motherfucker.
Jack: Where? [laughing] where, where? On the screen —
Austin: On WG Cricket. Or, [chuckles] WG Grace.
Dre: I need you to find that person with the top hat, though.
Jack: WG Grace.
Austin: The top hat? What top hat?
Dre: It was back in your original image search.
Art: I'm just thinking the Duck Dynasty people going as WG Grace for Halloween —
Austin: Oh, this guy?
Jack: That guy's beard is amazing, isn't it?
Austin: Uh... uh, Dre, this seems to be... okay, no, it's probably, lots of places have a north and a south, right?
Dre: Oh, god. I really hope it's not civil war cricket.
Austin: [laughing] I don't think it's civil war cricket. But the north versus south cricketers list is certainly a, a thing to read.
Jack: Uh... WG Grace looks like Ernest Hemingway cosplaying... uh, as somebody.
Dre and Art: [laughing]
Austin: [chuckles] It's true. As WG Grace.
Jack: Also, it says, also it says here, he is, he was a — talking about WG Grace now.
Austin: Yeah.
Jack: He was an extremely competitive player, and although he was one of the [chuckles] most famous men in England, he was also one of the most controversial, on account of his gamesmanship and money-making.
Austin: Oh, boy.
Jack: So he cheated, basically.
Austin: Uh-huh. He was a gamer [laughs] He was a gamester.
Jack: It says, his approach to cricket — he wrote two books, both of which were ghostwritten.
Austin: Okay, well...
Art: Oh, he was a medical practitioner.
Austin: Yeah? Oh, wow, he was.
Jack: WG Grace —
Austin: Great name.
Jack: And EM, who's, I guess someone else who was important to him.
Austin: It's his son, I believe.
Jack: In particular, were noted throughout their careers for being noisy and boisterous on the field. They were extremely competitive, and always playing to win. Sometimes this went to streams, e.g. on one occasion at school, EM was so upset about a decision going against him that he went home and took the stumps with him. [laughing]
Austin: Wait —
Dre: [giggling]
Jack: [unintelligible] were always controversial — no more cricket for you, lads.
Austin: Oh, his brother. EM Grace was his brother.
Art: Yeah.
Dre: Also has a good beard.
Austin: Does he? Hold up, I'm typing his name wrong. And I know what you're thinking. It's just EM. I was looking for a letter, he wrote a letter at some point. Here it goes, right here. Uh, his mother Martha wrote the following in a letter to William Clark's successor George Par in 1860 or 61, “I'm writing to ask that you consider the inclusion of my son, EM Grace, a splendid hitter and most excellent catch in your England 11. I'm sure he would play very well —“ this would be so embarrassing. Mom... please... mom? Please don't write a letter [laughing] to the coach of the England 11. [laughing] I'm begging you.
Jack: [Victorian woman voice] My son is very good at cricket.
Austin: Oh, my god. I'm sure he would play very well and do the team much credit. It may interest you to learn that I have another son, now 12 years of age, who will in time be a much better player than his brother, because his backstroke is sounder —
Dre: [laughing]
Jack: Oh, shit.
Austin: And he always plays with a straight back. Jesus, mom!
Jack: [Victorian woman voice]I am writing to offer you my inferior son...
All: [laughing]
Dre: But wait, there's more!
Austin: Oh my god. Uh... what do you, what do we know collectively about cricket?
Dre: Uh... wicket?
Jack: [sighs]
Austin: Wait, I want to be clear — Jack, I'm not going to do this to you.
Jack: No, no, no — Austin, I trust you implicitly.
Austin: Okay, let's slow down. But I do need to know —
Dre: Okay, there's a, there's a batter and a bowler.
Austin: Yes.
Dre: Right?
Art: Uh-huh.
Austin: And Jack, you can tell us we're wrong at any point.
Jack: I mean, what makes you think I have any more of an understanding than you do?
Austin: What do you know about baseball? I bet I know more about baseball than you, but I don't like it.
Jack: Probably, that's — that's true? Cricket is also very complicated.
Austin: [whispering] It's very — [normal tone] well, that's the other reason I think you know more than me, is because I — you like games a lot, and had proximity to it, and I think at some point in your life, you were probably like, wait a second now —
Jack: I've played cricket, like a long time ago, like as a kid. There's a bowler.
Austin: There's a bowler, we know that, yeah. You throw the ball, uh...
Jack: Yeah, you take a, you take a long run up and you throw the ball kind of overarm —
Austin: At some sticks, called wickets.
Jack: You're trying to hit, uh, uh, like, the wicket, which is —
Austin: Right, and the batter is defending them?
Jack: Yeah. So the wicket is like a load of, kind of — like vampire-killing, what are those called? Stakes?
Austin: Stakes.
Jack: Uh, that are, that are —
Austin: [laughing]
Jack: Poked into the ground. And, on top of them, they have, I think two or three, like, very small, light little kind of bits that are just sitting on top of —
Austin: Oh, I can see that they rest right on top.
Jack: Yeah, they're sitting on there, they're not fixed. And my job as the bowler is to absolutely —
Austin: They're called bales.
Jack: Bales, stumps and bales. Stumps are the, the bits that [chuckling] WG Grace took home because he got mad.
Austin: [laughing]
Jack: So he basically did the equivalent of like, walking away with the basketball hoop and being like, “that's enough of basketball, lads.”
Austin: Right, not even just the ball.
Jack: Right, yeah. He, he, yeah. He took away the fundamental component of the game. So, I'm trying to like, whang the ball at you, so intently and specifically that I knock the little guys off the top of the, the stumps. Uh, and that makes you go out, that's one of the ways I can get you out. Any questions?
Dre: There's two, there's two batsmen at once in this picture?
Austin: Yeah...
Jack: Yeah, you kind of like, are running... opposite, like, if I, if I'm a batsman, and I smack the ball right up to god, and it's —
Austin: [laughing] Is that a, is that a technical term?
Jack: Yeah, totally.
Austin: Is that a term of, a term of — okay.
Jack: That's a, what's it called, a term of art.
Austin: Yeah, that's what I was looking for, yeah.
Jack: Then, and then, Austin, you're on the other side. We're going to kind of run opposite each other.
Austin: We're just sprinting back and forth. We're doing —
Jack: Back and forth. Yeah.
Austin: Run up, turn around, run back, turn around, run up, turn around —
Jack: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And if we get, like —
Austin: Those are, are those runs?
Jack: Uh, yeah, I think so.
Austin: [laughing] Okay, good. Jack is the expert here.
Jack: If we get, like, if we get caught out, then we have to have another guy who comes in. At this point, I start getting a little confused. Because I feel like we've struck the main... the main rule, but there's a lot of additional rules. About sort of cheating —
Austin: Can you explain to me why —
Art: And they go for a million years, right? Like they're still playing cricket games from —
Austin: Yes, yes.
Art: From the 19th century right now?
Jack: Yeah, pretty much. They go, they go for a long time, they take long breaks.
Austin: There's a short form, right? There's like a version now, is this the 20/20 —
Jack: Quick cricket, or 20/20, or quick cricket, yeah.
Austin: Yeah.
Jack: It's very, uh, like, intense to play for a very long time. But, you know, we invented football, a sport in which we ask people to run non-stop for 90 minutes —
Austin: Right.
Jack: Just, like, keep running, do not stop. You get a break halfway through, and then you have to get right back to running again.
Austin: [laughing]
Jack: So like, the idea of a sort of like sedate sport —
Austin: Right.
Jack: That goes for 4 days is kind of quite chill.
Austin: Can I just read — go ahead.
Art: One of my... favorites things about cricket is, that any country that used to be part of the British empire, just lives to beat England at cricket.
Jack: Yes. Uh-huh.
0:44:04.2
Austin: Understandably so.
Art: When India beats them, it's a big deal. When Pakistan beats them, it's a big deal. Like all these countries are just like, “wait until the fucking English come round —“
Austin: [laughing]
Jack: [unintelligible] the ashes, right?
Art: What's that?
Austin: Oh, The Ashes is great. Can you tell us about the ashes?
Jack: You don't know about the ashes? Yeah, I'm just like, looking up the exact origins of this, pretty much. Uh, so, it's to do with England playing Australia at cricket.
Austin: Yeah.
Jack: And the, the Australians absolutely trounced us, like, they, they, they beat us so... this was in, I want to say —
Austin: Here do you want me to link you?
Jack: 1882.
Austin: Can I, can you just read from the, uh...
Jack: Yeah, yeah, yeah, go ahead.
Austin: I'll link you. Just because there's a, the story is great and there's some good language in here that I just need to hear.
Jack: Mm-hm. Okay. So: the Ashes is a test cricket series played between England and Australia. The Ashes are regarded as being held by the team that most recently won the test series. If the test series is drawn, the team that currently holds The Ashes retains the trophy. The term originated in a satirical obituary published in a British newspaper, The Sporting Times, immediately after Australia's 1882 victory at the oval, its first test win on English soil.
0:45:21.4 The obituary stated that English cricket had died, and, quote, “the body will be cremated and the ashes taken to Australia.”
Austin: [laughing]
Jack: The mythical ashes immediately became associated with the 1882/83 series, before which the English Captain, Ivo Bligh, had vowed to quote, “regain those ashes.”
Austin: [guffawing]
Jack: The English media therefore dubbed the tour, The Quest to Regain the Ashes. So a couple of things I love about The Ashes.
Austin: [comedown from laughing] Oh...
Jack: The thing I love the most about the Ashes is, it is, uh, tiny. The, the, the urn is like very small, I believe. Uh...
Dre: Uh, 6 inches tall.
Jack: [chuckles] Yes. And so, sometimes when you see people holding it, it's very — all major sporting events are people caring a very great deal about winning a cup, and what the cup represents. But there is something kind of especially amazing about seeing a load of cricketers just get like unbelievable psyched to hold this tiny, tiny cup. It's reputed to hold the ashes of a burnt cricket bale, so that's like one of the little things —
Austin: Right.
Jack: That sits on top of the stumps.
Austin: Can we steal it?
Art: Now, wait a minute. This urn doesn't actually go anywhere. The urn has been in England the whole time.
Austin: Wait, what?
Jack: Oh, no, that's also how we do that. We, yeah. A [unintelligible] the British Museum, we — [laughing]
Art: [laughing]
Austin: Well then, no one's getting the ashes!
Jack: Yeah, no, there's like, they're fake.
Austin: Wait, what do you mean, they — but he said he was going to come home with the urn. The urn was always home? They lost. You don't get to have it at your place in you lost —
Jack: Oh, maybe, maybe the Australians got it — oh, well... maybe the first —
Art: The urn didn't exist then, is the thing.
Austin: Right. The urn is fake.
Jack: Oh... sure.
Austin: Reports have been established that the estate of Ruperts Wood in Sunbury, Victoria, is the birthplace of the ashes urn legend. According to a 1908 newspaper report —
Jack: Oh god, I just found something so good.
Austin: In the Hobert Mercury, an unnamed writer from the Westminster Gazette recalled that a group of Melbourne ladies, which included Janet, Lady Clark, and Florence Morphy, presented —
Jack: Janet and Florence.
Austin: [laughing] Janet. You know, just Janet. Just Janet. Oh, sorry, that's Janet Lady Clark, I see. That's one name.
Jack: Janet Lady.
Austin: Janet Lady- Clark, and Florence Morphy, presented, quote, “a tiny silver urn containing what they termed the Ashes of Australian cricket,” to the the hon. Ivo Bligh — the honorable Ivo Bligh, captain of the English touring team, blah-blah-blah. So – that's what they claim. But is it bullshit? Okay.
Jack: [unintelligible] in 1826, Ivo Bligh, now Lord Darnley, surprising fucking nobody, they made him a fucking Peer — displayed The Ashes urn at the morning post — [laughing while speaking] the morning post decorative art exhibition, held in the central hall of Westminster. He made the following statement about how he was given the urn: [Victorian man voice] When, in the autumn, the English 11 went to Australia —
Austin: [laughing]
Jack: It was said that they had come to Australia to fetch the ashes. England won 2 out of the 3 matches played against Murdoch's Australian 11, and then after the third match, some Melbourne ladies put some ashes into a small urn.
Austin: [laughing]
Jack: And gave them to me, as captain of the English 11.
Austin: He's full of shit.
Jack: He is full of shit. [reading] When Ivo Bligh wiped out the defeat, Lady Clark, wife of Sir WJ Clark, who entertains the English so lavishly, found a little wooden urn, burnt a bale, put the ashes in the urn, and wrapped it in a red velvet bag, put it into her husband's hands. He had always regarded it as a great treasure. However!
Austin: Uh-huh.
Jack: The contents of the urn are also problematic. They are variously reported to be the remains of a stump — that's the spoke — bale — that's the little thing that sits on it — or the outer casing of a ball. But in 1998, Darnley's 82-year-old daughter-in-law said that they were the remains of her mother-in-law's veil, casting further doubt on the —
Austin: What?! Why would you burn the — what?
Jack: Uh...
Austin: Ugh...
Jack: But during the tour of the Australia in 06/07, the MCC official accompanying the urn said that the veil legend had been discounted and it was now, quote, “95 percent certain that the urn contains the ashes of a cricket bale.
Art: You know what's nice about this show? We don't get any regional accents from Jack in the rest —
Jack: [laughing]
Austin: No, never.
Art: We've gotten two different.
Austin: I know. It's amazing.
0:49:49.2 Here's the thing, Jack, is... I'm looking up other stuff about cricket here, and there's a sentence here that is just: the dismissal of a batsman is known as the taking of a wicket. The batsman is said to have lost his wicket. The batting side is said to have lost a wicket. The fielding side is said to have taken a wicket. And the bowler is also said to have taken his, i.e. the batsman's, wicket, if the dismissal is of one of the types for which the bowler receives credit.
0:50:16.6 This language is used even if the dismissal does not actually involve the stumps and balls in any way, for example, a catch. [sighs]
Jack: Yes?
Austin: Is there a world in which we could convince the cricket organization, the United Cricket... Front —
Jack: MCC.
Austin: Yeah, uh-huh. To get better words? Or, more? That way —
Dre: Yeah. Just like, some different ones.
Austin: Just some different ones, on top of the wickets.
Jack: Well, so, but here's the thing. They like to say wicket very much.
Austin: You know what? I noticed.
Jack: [laughing]
Austin: It came across.
Jack: They'll find as many kind of opportunity — they also, there's lots of fun words, they have lots of fun words in cricket. They just say wicket a lot.
Austin: [disbelieving noise] This just says the ground is called the wicket sometimes!
All: [laughing]
Austin: The wicket is also sometimes used to refer to the cricket pitch itself, according to the laws of cricket. The laws of cricket! This usage is incorrect, but in common usage, it's commonly understood by cricket followers. The term sticky wicket refers to a situation in which the pitch has become damp due to —
Jack: Mmm.
Austin: Rain or high humidity. That's not what I thought it was at all! I thought a sticky wicket was like, you hit the wicket with a ball, but the thing didn't fall because it was sticky.
Art: Yeah.
Jack: No, no.
Austin: It means it's wet outside?!
Jack: Yeah, it's, you really don't want it to be wet for cricket. Cricket likes nothing less than it being a bit rainy, and unfortunately we play it in England, like, ceaselessly. Uh... and so cricket matches will frequently stop for rain, indefinitely, or interminably. Matches will get rained off fucking all the time. So we need to have words for the ground being wet, otherwise we'd have to call it — well, we do call it a wicket, don't we?
0:52:06.6
Austin: [chuckles] You do.
Art: I'm surprised that this baby wasn't named wicket. Archie Wicket whatever.
Jack: I don't think we've, I don't think you can name the royal... the royals don't really play cricket, I don't think. They play — what is a more —
Austin: Croquet?
Jack: Polo, croquet.
Austin: Croquet —
Art: Polo's the richest sport I think there is.
Jack: Polo is the royal game. Yeah, polo requires you, at minimum, to have a horse.
Austin: Yeah. Yeah.
Art: Probably more than one, right?
Jack: Probably.
Art: Your horse can't play polo every day.
Austin: I don't know. Is, is anybody playing polo every day? Also, what do you know about horses? Listen.
Jack: They're very strong.
Austin: They're very strong.
Jack: Uh... yeah. So, I mean, I don't know, cricket, it, it's, it's politicized in a lot of ways, in the UK. Which makes me feel uncomfortable sometimes.
Austin: Fair. I'm going to hit random article.
Jack: But it is a cool game.
Austin: It seems like a neat game. It seems like it has a lot of rules. One day we'll dig back into cricket. I don't want to exhaust cricket. I think it's inexhaustible, so...
Jack: Oh, no. [laughing] Bluff City cricket... come on.
Austin: Let's do it.
Dre: Can I, uh, while we're talking about famous rivalries —
Austin: Yes.
Dre: Are you all familiar with the civil conflict trophy?
Jack: No.
Austin: No.
Art: Is this a college football thing?
Dre: This is a college football thing.
Art: That's the best random rivalry trophy. I love them all, please go on.
0:53:27.6
Austin: Okay, talk to me about the civil conflict — okay, why is styled this way?
Dre: Uh, well, you see, the civil conflict, sometimes styled as lowercase con, capital FL, lowercase i, capital CT [conFLiCT] because it's between the university of Central Florida and the University of Connecticut.
Austin: Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Jack: Oh, right.
Austin: So wait, what's the trophy?
Dre: Well, here's the thing about the civil conflict, Austin. Uh...
Austin: Also, wait, why is it called the civil conflict?
Dre: Well —
Austin: Oh...
Dre: Would you, would you like to read Coach Bob Diaco's quote here, or would you like me to?
0:54:03.5
Austin: Send it, send it over so I can do a dry read. Is it, is it in the middle of this page?
Dre: This second paragraph.
Austin: Diaco first mentioned the trophy after Connecticut's 37-29 victory over UCF in November 2014, his first FBS win as Connecticut head coach. It was also UCF's first conference loss in the AAC, an 11-game winning streak that dated back to 2013, quote, “we're excited about this game. I mean it. I'm excited to continue this game.”
Art: [laughing]
Austin: “With all admiration and respect. All admiration and respect for Central Florida and Coach O'Leary. They're spectacular. But we're excited about this north/south battle. You want to call it the civil conflict? Maybe with my money, and I'll make a trophy. I'll buy it myself. Put a big giant husky and a big giant knight on it. Make a stand. Put it in our hallway. The civil conflict.”
Dre: So, this was 2014.
Jack: Okay.
Dre: And then 2015, Diaco made a trophy —
Austin: Made the trophy...
Dre: Announced it on Twitter, and the University of Central Florida, uh, was not aware that he was going to do that...
Austin: No, no!
Dre: Uh, and the coach's athletic director said, no, this is fucking stupid.
Austin: [laughing]
Jack: Why are we letting him make a trophy?
Austin: [laughing] Yeah.
Dre: Uh... and Diaco's comeback was they, they, UCF, don't get to say whether they're our rival or not.
Jack: Oh, shit.
Austin: Yes, they do! [laughing] Yes they do.
Dre: Uh, the best part of this is that, uh, so Connecticut won in 2014 and 2015.
Austin: Uh-huh.
Dre: You know, when the trophy was created. UCF won in 2016, and left the field without acknowledging or accepting the trophy. The trophy was crated and transported back to Connecticut. [laughing]
Jack: Oh, god...
0:55:51.6
Austin: Diaco was fired as head coach from the end of the 2016 season and replaced by Randy Edsall. Connecticut athletic director David Benedict, who himself never official acknowledged the rivalry or the trophy, was asked in 2017 about the trophy's whereabouts. He replied, “I honestly don't know. That trophy was there before a got there. I believe that the trophy was commissioned and paid for by Coach Diaco, and therefore, if it left with him, I don't know that, but if it did, that's fine. That's fine.” [laughing]
Jack: [laughing] Hey, have y'all seen this trophy?
Austin: Oh yeah.
Dre: [laughing] Uh-huh. Yeah. It's real good. [laughing]
Art: No, where's the trophy?
Austin: I'll link you.
Jack and Dre: [laughing]
Austin: You got it.
Art: It's not on the page.
Jack: [in a fit of laughing] Oh...
Austin: No, it's not, it's in the chat.
Art: Oh, no! Wait, how big is that?
Austin: [laughing] It's not very big.
Jack: [laughing] God, the typography looks like it's about to announce a Game of Thrones card game.
Austin: [chuckles] uh-huh.
Dre: [cackling]
Art: [laughing]
Austin: That's them, right? That's the two, uh...
Jack: The fucking — Jon's dog, and tall knight.
Austin: Tall knight.
Dre: [laughing] tall knight!
Art: Yeah, and it's the... it's the court of the Thrones and the Flannisters.
Austin: [laughing] Yep, that's them!
Jack: Uh-huh.
Austin: Big fans, here. Oh, boy.
Art: I don't want to, I don't want to disparage other fantastic college football rivalries, like whichever two schools play for the little brown jug, or I think —
Austin: Wait, what's that? What?
Dre: I think that is Minnesota and Illinois?
Austin: Wait, what's the little brown jug?
Art: I think Minnesota and Iowa compete for Paul Bunyan's axe.
Austin: No they don't, that's not real!
Dre: That's — no, yeah. Little brown jug is Michigan/Minnesota. And Paul Bunyan's axe is Wisconsin/Minnesota.
Austin: Okay, wait wait wait, we have to slow down, there's too much happening here that we need to get. Wait. The brown jug, the little brown jug... I need to search for football, too, because otherwise it's just going to be the song. I'm sure it's a great song.
Art: All I know is the one — my dad went went to Minnesota, that's why I know [unintelligible]
Jack: Oh, Austin, you don't know the song little brown jug?
0:57:47.2
Austin: I might, I, you know... okay. This is, why is this, this jug isn't brown. It gets there. Okay.
Art: The original jug was just a water jug that just says, “Michigan jug.” [laughing]
Austin: [laughing] It does!
Art: [unintelligible] by the I guess the guy who was there at the time —
Dre: Photograph of the Michigan jug, which was neither little nor brown.
Austin: Oh my god. Uh... so what's the deal with the Michigan jug? Do we know?
Dre: Uh... basically, Michigan beats Minnesota like all the time, and it's very sad.
Austin: Okay. The earthware jug originates 1903, earthware jug, originally used by Michigan Coach Fielding H. Yost is painted with the victories of each team, blah-blah-blah, after he took over, blah-blah-blah —
Art: Name after the song! [laughing]
Austin: Oh, is it? Weird.
Art: The name most likely originates in the 1869 song of the same name by Joseph Winner.
Austin: Well there you go. When Yost And the team came to Minneapolis in the 1903 game, student manager Thomas B. Roberts was told to purchase something to carry water. Yost was somewhat concerned the Gopher fans might contaminate his water supply. [chuckles] Roberts purchased a 5-gallon jug for 30 cents from a local variety store in Dinkytown. [chuckles] The jug itself is known as a Red Wing Pottery 5-gallon beehive jug.
Jack: Fetch me a jug from Dinkytown!
Austin: [laughing]
Jack: I fear contamination!
Art: The like, Minnesota fans messing with stuff isn't like, completely out of the question. I think like it was the first black player in college football, was killed in Minnesota.
Austin: Jesus Christ.
Jack: Oh my god.
Austin: Thanks, Minnesota. Do better, Minnesota. Hi, Jess, I know that you're from Minnesota [chuckles], I hope, I hope that you are part of the group making Minnesota better. Because —
Art: We live in Los Angeles.
Austin: I know, but family, you know?
Art: Yeah.
Austin: Uh...
Jack: Who wants Paul Bunyan's axe?
Austin: Wait, yeah, that one's more interesting, because of it being an axe, and also being Paul Bunyan's, who was a fake person.
Dre: That's Minnesota/Wisconsin, I'm pretty sure.
Austin: This isn't Paul Bunyan's axe!
Jack: Bunyan.
Austin: Wait a second. Okay. When did they, when did they introduce this axe? Wait. In 1906, President Theodore Roosevelt suspended college football rivalry games —
Dre: Oh, yeah.
Austin: For safety concerns, due to player injuries and fatalities on the field...
Dre: Oh, yeah.
Jack: Oh my god.
1:00:07.0
Austin: It's the only year these —
Art: Yeah, football used to be dangerous. Also, dangerous now.
Austin: Still dangerous. Still dangerous. It's the only time these two teams have not played each other. Okay, wait I bet they mean year, the only year [laughing] they have not played each other, not the only time. [laughing] For all eternity.
Dre: [laughing]
Art: This is the second trophy, after the first trophy, the slab of bacon, [unintelligible] 1943 game [chuckling].
Austin: Okay. There was not actually bacon.
Art: What does it say?
Austin: It's a piece of black walnut wood, with a football at the center, bearing a letter that becomes an M or a W depending on which way the trophy is hung.
Jack: [laughing]
Austin: The word bacon is carved at both ends, implying that the winner has, quote, “brought home the bacon.”
Jack: Jesus. Why does Paul Bunyan have an ox?
Austin: Why does Paul Bunyan have an ox? Oh, because —
Jack: I've been on his Wikipedia page, and —
Austin: Okay, wait a second, what does Paul Bunyan do? Because maybe —
Jack and Dre: He's a lumberjack.
Austin: Okay, so —
Dre: You need an ox to like, drag the, cut down trees.
Jack: Oh, I was trying to work out what an ox had to do with —
Austin: Beast of burden, yeah.
Jack: Sure, that's true.
1:01:17.1
Austin: Paul Bunyan.
Jack: Yeah, not real, though. He's fake, though. But I do like the idea of a lumberjack legend, and the lumberjack legend is just, “there was a very big and strong lumberjack who did a lot of good work.”
Austin: He had a blue ox, right? Babe was a blue ox? Yeah, Babe was a blue ox.
Jack: Yeah, Babe the big blue ox.
Austin: But like, what did he do?
Jack: What, Paul Bunyan?
Austin: Yeah.
Jack: Or the ox? Paul Bunyan chopped down lots of trees. He was super good — he was kind of like a reverse Johnny Appleseed.
Dre: [laughing]
Jack: [chuckles] He was followed along — 20 to 25 years, when the trees had gotten good, and he chopped them all down.
Austin: Huh.
Jack: [laughing] They hated each other.
Austin: [laughing] They were nemeses. Let me tell you about, about their, uh, football game.
Jack: [laughing] Their college football rivalry.
Dre: [laughing]
Austin: Oh... all right I'm going to hit —
Art: The series is tied, 60 to 60. This is going to be a big year for Paul Bunyan's axe.
Jack: [laughing] Wait, sorry, wait a second. Austin, before you do, please go on the Wikipedia page for Paul Bunyan.
Austin: I'm there.
Jack: And scroll down the section, “debated [unintelligible]”
Austin: I saw this amazing chart.
Jack: This matrix of how real Paul Bunyan is.
Austin: Like, a Ubisoft preorder bonus —
Dre: [laughing]
1:02:23.5
Austin: Oh, wait, I didn't realize — okay, now I understand, I had to internalize this. All right.
Jack: What you're looking at is so good. Can you explain what this is?
Austin: All right, so this is a chart, uh, that is 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 items like, vertically, by 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 horizontally. The vertical list is, things that Paul Bunyan has done... [laughing] confirmed. And then, the left to right, the various columns are sources who have said, “yes, he's done that,” or, “no, he hasn't.” It's either green —
Art: Wait, what's this last one?
Austin: I'll get there! We'll get there. [laughing] We will get there. So, for instance, stove skating. We all know what stove skating is.
Dre: Uh-huh.
Art: Undisputed among all of these sources.
Jack: Everyone agrees.
Austin: Everyone says that Paul Bunyan, great stove skater. [whispers] What the fuck is stove skating?
Jack: Hang on, let me see?
Austin: [reading] [mumbling] stove skating — you can't just drop — what the fuck is stove skating?
Jack: Oh, here we go. Sure. So, the range on which an army of cooks prepared the beans and red horse was so long that when the cook wanted to grease it up for the purpose of baking the wheat cakes in the morning, they strapped two large hams to Paul Bunyan's feet and started running up and down a half-mile of black, glistening stovetop. So, the stove in the lumberjack's camp was so big —
Austin: Right.
Jack: That to grease it, Paul Bunyan strapped two hams to his feet and skated up and down the stovetop.
Austin and Jack: Everyone agrees — [laughing]
Jack: [laughing] everyone agrees that —
Austin: That, he did —
Art: [unintelligible] did happen.
Austin: He did that! The Duluth News, Rockwell, MacGillivray, Harrigan, Stewart & Watt, and Laughead all agree. Pea —
Art: Well, Laughead is, Laughead's way —
Austin: [laughing] Laughead is, is a mark, honestly.
Dre: [laughing]
Austin: Pea Soup Lake. Uh... what is this? What is this? It's probably the same thing, but with, with a soup, with a pea soup.
Jack: Uh... it's hard to say, because as far as I can see, Pea Soup only appears once in this Wikipedia article, and it's in this chart. So let's just say that Duluth News does not agree, and everybody else except Harrigan does agree, and move on.
1:04:31.1
Austin: Paul Bunyan's ingenuity in keeping his men supplied with food and drink appears — oh, so it's like, he's not just cutting down trees. He's like running a camp.
Jack: Sure.
Austin: This is from, this is from legendofAmerica.com. Paul Bunyan's ingenuity in keeping his men supplied with food and drink appears best in the Pea Soup Lake story, of which there were several versions, and in the wondrous tale of the camp distillery, near the Round River camp was a hot spring into which the tote teamster — sure — returning one day from town with a load of peas, dumped the whole load by accident. Most men would have regarded the peas as a dead loss, but not so Paul. He promptly added the proper amount of pepper and salt to the mixture, and had enough hot pea soup to last the crew all winter.
1:05:12.4 When his men were working too far away from camp to return to dinner, he got the soup to them by freezing it upon the ends of sticks, and sending it in that shape. According to another version, Paul deliberately made the pea soup. He dumped the peas into a small lake, and heated the mess by firing the slashings around the shore. Sure. Shore. Sure. Shore. Okay, here's what I love.
1:05:31.2 In a Wisconsinized version of the Michigan tale, the peas have become, for some reason, beans. Uh... [laughing]
Jack: Sure, yeah.
Austin: A much exaggerated version of the story — [laughing] a much-exaggerated version of the story!
Jack: Like, it wasn't peas. It was beans.
Austin: [laughing]
Jack: Moving on, Giant's Camp. Now, is that, Paul Bunyan's whole team of lumberjacks are giants? Or is it that he has a very big camp?
Austin: It has to be the former.
Art: I have to imagine it's big camp, right?
Dre: I imagine it's big camp.
Jack: Okay. Gigantism. Lots of people talking about how big Paul Bunyan is.
Austin: Wait, is he not big? Wait, what? This is the one thing? That —
Art: Hold on!
Dre: Oh my god, there's so much fucked-up Paul Bunyan stuff.
Austin: Oh, wait, nope, nope, nope. Sorry folks. Sorry, folks. I've checked the footnotes here [laughing] and there's a note...
Jack: Very good, isn't it —
Austin: [laughing] everyone says, okay, Duluth news says not a giant, Rockwell says a giant. MacGillivray says not a giant. Harrigan, not a giant. Stewart and Watt, definitely a giant. Laughead, yellow check mark. Mouseover, what's it say? Quote: rather than simply being really tall, Paul Bunyan's height has increased beyond all possible human capacity.
Jack: Oh, so Laughead being a mark here is like doubling down on the scale of Paul Bunyan. He's really fucking big.
Art: Paul Bunyan is 50 feet tall, and —
Austin: [laughing] It's just us describing Rigor for the first time.
Jack: You can see the curve of the planet.
Austin: [laughing] You can see the curve of the planet.
Jack: As he plucks up Johnny Appleseed's trees with his index finger.
Austin: He's the mountain.
Art: We should — the stove skating thing, so that stove is real big.
Austin: [laughing]
Jack: God.
Dre: Can I really quick read you a paragraph from this Paul Bunyan story?
Austin: Yes!
Art: Of course you can.
Dre: A story for children?
Austin: Oh, no.
Art: Yes.
Jack: Uh-oh.
Art: Uh-oh!
Dre: You probably know about Paul's dogs, too. Do —
Jack: Yeah.
Austin: No!
Dre: Like Sport, the reversible dog —
Austin: [laughing] Fuck off!
Art and Jack: [uncontrollable laughter]
Dre: Part wolf, and part elephant hound, and lived on bear milk. One night, when Sport was just a pup, he was playing around in Paul's barn, and Paul accidentally threw an axe at him, that cut him right in half.
Jack: Oh. Oh...
Dre: Paul, seeing his mistake, stuck the two halves together and nursed Sport back to health. But later, he discovered he accidentally twisted the two halves, so the hind legs pointed straight up. You know how Sport learned to run — first on one pair of legs, and then he'd flop over and run on the other, so he never got tired.
Austin: No! Shut up! [laughing]
Jack: What's this dog called? Sport, the reversible dog.
Austin: [laughing] Sport, the reversible dog.
Dre: [laughing] The reversible dog! The reversible, upside-down both ways running dog.
Austin: Oh...
Jack: No, if a dog was reversible, would it be like this, image one? [laughing]
All: [laughing]
Austin: Oh, there's a, there's like a... it's basically like, the legs are... it's hard to explain. I don't think anyone's really thought this through, is what I'll say. It just looks like it's doing a handstand. Anyway.
Art: I like, “realized his mistake,” as if, for a while —
Jack: [chuckling]
Art: Paul was like, “nailed it.”
Jack: That's what a dog's supposed to look like, innit?
Austin: Winter of the blue snow.
Jack: This one confuses me, because it sounds evocative, but I'm unable to find a description of what it is.
Austin: Winter of the blue snow — this is going to be some Game of Thrones thing again, isn't it?
Jack: I think it's that the snow was blue. That winter. For some reason.
Austin: Okay, wait a second. Wait a second.
1:09:07.3 Uh... people disagree about a lot of things concerning Paul Bunyan — this is from the Desiree News from 1995, January 22nd, Amy Friedman, shoutouts. People disagree about where he was born, and he had a heart disease, big heart. But, most people agree that the winter of the blue snow changed everything. When Paul was still young, but bigger than the biggest fir tree, he lived in a cave. [chuckles]
Dre: [laughing]
Austin: Back then, the weather was worth talking about. Nobody — okay — nobody... not like the 90s, when no one's talking about the weather anymore. Nobody knows —
Dre: Also, how does he live in a cave if he's bigger than a tree?!
Austin: It's a, it's a big cave. Nobody knows what caused the winter of the blue snow, but everyone knows it hasn't happened again. Some people say it was so cold that winter that the Great Lakes froze solid from the bottom up, and the snow turned —
Jack: No soup.
Austin: Blue. No sloop. [laughs] No snoop. Mmm, mmm, soup. Uh... some people say that it was so cold that winter that the Great Lakes froze solid from the bottom up and the snow turned blue from the reflection of the lakes. But other people say that Paul Bunyan's blue ox, Babe, made those Great Lakes, and Babe and Paul weren't together yet when the blue snow began to fall. Back on that first day, when blue snow began to fall, Paul was inside his warm, cozy cave, and he didn't even notice it at first. He was reading his history books. [chuckles] He had used a trimmed pine tree for a pencil, and the cave floor as his slate. He was that big, you see. Uh... and then it snowed, and he was cold... I think this is how he met Babe, maybe? Maybe? It said he searched the Niagara Falls, he couldn't find his dog... this is a whole story, there's a whole story here. Yeah, this is how he meets, he meets Babe, is what it looks like. Which, good for you. Uh... who disagrees? Uh...
Art: MacGillivray and Harrigan.
Jack: Laughead, of course.
Austin: You know? I'm going to be real — real talk. MacGillivray, get the fuck out.
Jack: Yeah.
Austin: Because MacGillivray says, this guy wasn't big. He didn't have no ox. He didn't have a giant camp. All he did was [laughing] stove skate and make a pea soup lake. [laughing] That's it.
Jack: Oh, god.
Austin: Blue ox, almost everyone — no, again, there's a mix here. Duluth doesn't know about the blue ox. MacGillivray, again, no blue ox. Harrigan says, not Babe the blue ox. Uh, actually... it's a pink ox named Old Brinny.
Art: [laughing]
Austin: Which might be true. I like Harrington — or, Harrigan. This is what I'm going to say about Harrigan. I think this fact makes them seem more real.
Jack: Harrigan doesn't think he's very big, though, Paul.
Austin: No. No.
Jack: No. So I don't like that.
Austin: No. Logging the Dakotas.
Art: [unintelligible] a misspelled Bunyan.
Austin: [laughing]
Jack: [laughing] Okay. Sure. Get out of here, Harrigan.
Art: Yeah.
Austin: Uh-huh. Logging the Dakotas, which, again, I thought this was the thing he did.
Dre: Yeah.
Art: Only 3 out of 6.
Austin: Right.
Jack: The other people just think he was kind of a regular lumberjack?
Austin: [sighs] I guess? It's not clear. I guess I could check the rest of this page, but, you know? I think he is was just a laborer. A logger, just a regular logger. Okay, is the idea that the Dakotas don't have many trees? And that he logged them all?
Jack: Oh, it's a kind of Saint Patrick drove all the snakes out of Ireland, thing?
Austin: I guess.
Art: No, I think the Dakotas have a lot of, don't the — I don't know, do the Dakotas a lot of trees?
Austin: I don't know. I truly don't know.
Dre: No, like there's the badlands.
Austin: There's the hills, yeah, that's what I'm thinking about, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dre: It's like a lot of plains and — yeah.
Austin: It has some trees. I've played Red Dead.
Dre: Dakota... geography...
Austin: Here's the best one. And this is the last one we've been talking about. Creating geography. Duluth news, no. Rockwell, no. MacGillivray, no. Harrigan, Stewart and Watt, nah. You knew who it was, you knew it was Laughead. [chuckles]
Jack: [laughing] This motherfucker, says Laughead, he created geography — now Austin...
Austin: Yeah?
Jack: What does that mean?
Austin: Listen to Marielda. [laughs] Our season and winter —
Dre: [sham Marielda music]
Jack: [laughing]
Austin: What's it mean? I'm pulling up a PDF.
Art: He must've did something, right? Like made a feat, like...
Jack: Well, they do say that Paul Bunyan built the big rock candy mountain.
Dre: Yeah —
Austin: Ooh.
Dre: Oh my god, goddamnit, Jack. Uh... he's credited with having created many natural landmarks, including the Great Lakes, the Saint Lawrence river, and the Black Hills of South Dakota.
Austin: Right.
Dre: I do like, though, that instead, like Paul Bunyan just got tired and became like, a PhD, and created a whole new field of academics.
Jack: Sure, I was wondering about that, as well.
Austin: Wait, is that a thing? What — oh, the field, I see.
Dre: Yeah, geography.
Austin: Right, right.
Art: Jess claims that he made the Grand Canyon and Niagara [connection cuts out]
Austin: No he —
Jack: Woah!
Austin: That's a lot.
Art: Yeah!
Dre: He's very big.
Austin: It's amazing that he did that after people had been living there for thousands of years [chuckles]
Jack: Sure — [chuckles] created, creating geography. I accidentally just said, Paul Bunyan creating George.
Austin: [laughing] Same diff.
Dre: Uh... that same story about Sport, the dog, also is like, Paul Bunyan almost murdering a whole town of people because he made —
Austin: Oh, of course.
Dre: A plant that was too big, and it caused a drought, and almost everyone died.
Jack: Gosh.
Dre: Yeah.
Austin: Wow. A —
Art: Maybe kind of an asshole, Paul Bunyan.
Austin: Yeah, a little bit. A little bit. I think we got to the depths of Paul Bunyan here. We only have a little bit of time, we only have 10 minutes left. What do you think, one more random article to hit?
Jack: Let's do it.
Austin: All right. Okay, it's a handball player... we'll come back to handball another day. Uh... this is an actor, Kevin O'Connor. Uh... this again, 2013 world baseball classic, I'm going to keep moving. A Stempel type foundry. Okay. That's a great name... here's a great thing. I'm looking at this page. I don't know what any of these words mean.
Jack: For the Stempel type foundry?
Austin: What's a type foundry? It's a company that — oh, it's a font —
Jack: They, they, they, they make, they make font.
Austin: It's a, like a typeface, okay, I got you. I'm going to keep moving here. Here's a language, the Dagor language, which is a Mongolic language, primarily spoken of members of the Dagor ethnic group. I don't know anything about — it turns out, there's a lot of people and peoples in the world. Uh... brainiac 8, also called Indigo, is a fictional superhero under the DC comics universe. Uh, spoilers, who is later revealed —
Art: We don't have time.
Austin: No, we can't talk about brainiac 8?
Art: Okay. Let's do it.
Austin: [laughing] Tell me everything you know about brainiac 8.
Jack: All right, let's go, no notes.
Art: Uh... I don't know anything about brainiac 8, I'm just worried we're going to have to talk about the 7 previous brainiacs.
Austin: I don't think it's like that, is it?
Art: I don't know, what is it like?
Austin: Is she a —
Jack: Let's see. Brainiac 7.
Austin: Type that one in.
Jack: Uh... brainiac — well that gave me someone — brainiac... brainiac 5, brainiac 13, brainiac 8. There seem to be lots of different kinds of brainiacs.
Austin: Right. Well, that's the twist of this one is, so, she's a — [sighs] she's a gynoid, she's a gynoid.
Dre: Yeah, I was wondering how you were going to say that word.S
Austin: Gynoid, right? That's the correct pronunciation. Uh, and a member of the outsiders. Art, I don't know anything about the outsiders.
Art: Uh...
Dre: It's an, uh, NWO reference.
Austin: Right. [laughing]
Jack: Yeah.
Austin: For life! [aping music] bow bow bow bow! Bow bow bow bow.
Art: [unintelligible reading in background]
Austin: Uh... here's a question, wait! The outsiders is a fictional superhero group appearing in American comic books published by DC comics. As its name suggests, the team consists of metahuman superheroes who do not fit the norms of the mainstream superhero community, the Justice League. Fucking... Batman is in this picture! [laughing]
Jack: [chuckles] I don't want to be part of the Justice League anymore. Team me up with brainiac 8.
Art: [laughing]
Austin: [chuckles]
Jack: Only the normal ones for me.
Austin: She... is like a robot person. She comes to the 21st century badly damaged and desperately looking for a cybernetic or mechanical organism capable of repairing her. In the process, she tries to install her self-repairing routines into the metal men, who are —
Jack: Okay.
Austin: Do you know about the metal men?
Art: I do.
Jack: [unintelligible] sound like cybermen.
Austin: Oh, they are great. Art, can you, can we pivot and talk a little bit about these metal men?
Art: Yeah, the metal men are a group — ironically, not all men, but, uh, [unintelligible] but they're all made of, of individual metals, and they have like the personalities... metals would have.
Jack: [laughing] I'm looking at a picture of —
Austin: Uh-huh!
Jack: Wow!
Austin: So they are, gold, who's a strongman. A strong man. Iron, who is slow-witted and loyal. Sorry, no, that's wrong, I'm sorry. Field leader gold. Strong man iron. Slow-witted and loyal, lead. Hot-headed mercury. Self-doubting and insecure tin. [chuckles] and platinum, also called Tina, who believed that she was a real woman, and was in love with her creator. Yo, comics... is fucked. [laughs]
Art and Dre: Yeah.
Austin: Did you know that? Ugh...
Jack: Kind of like Pinocchio, except just metal. Hey, do you know that the Pinocchio ride at Disneyland [connection cuts out] upsetting.
Austin: Jack, the thing that happens to Art just happened to you. It really is Spectrum.
Jack: Wow. The Pinocchio ride at Disneyland is kind of upsetting.
Austin: Oh, I believe it.
Art: Wildly upsetting.
Austin: I believe it.
Dre: That doesn't surprise me.
Austin: What's wrong with it?
Jack: Well, it's like, one of their old-school dark rides, uh, where a lot of stuff happens very close to you. And it's just like, lots of leering clowns and, uh, circus stuff, and people getting turned into donkeys and shit. Except, rather than being bombastic, it's just kind of small and happening like, three feet away from you outside a ride car.
Austin: No!
Jack: It's quite spooky.
Austin: This is Pinocchio's daring journey?
Jack: Is that it, Art?
Austin: Mm-hm. Oh, I hate this.
Art: Uh, I just, I just want to, just before we move on, I want to quickly cover, uh, the death metal men.
Dre: [laughing]
Jack: Sorry?
Austin: Excuse me?
Jack: Are they just like —
Art: Uranium, strontium, thorium, radium, lithium, polonium, and ferrium.
Austin: Okay.
Jack: Oh, this is not about death metal.
Austin: Sure.
Art: Well, it is about, it's metal that would cause you to die.
Austin: Metals that would — yeah.
Art: And they're — in kingdom come, they're all one, and they're called Alloy.
Jack: Oh.
Austin: Mmm.
Jack: Austin, are you looking at a ride video of Pinocchio?
Austin: I was, yeah.
Dre: I am.
Austin: This is scary to me. I don't like it very much.
Jack: No, it made me feel quite uncomfortable.
Austin: Dark rides in general make me feel uncomfortable.
Dre: Yeah.
Jack: Yeah, there are some really good ones. I really like the Cars ride. Uh...
Austin: That's a, that's a dark ride?
Jack: Yeah, it's mostly dark.
Art: [unintelligible] not a dark ride, yeah.
Austin: Okay.
Dre: Have, uh, have any of y'all been to Disney World?
Austin: Yeah, not for decades, but yeah.
Art: Yeah.
Dre: Yeah. Did you go on, I don't know if it's even still there, but there was like a ride in the park that was called MGM studios, where it was like, the movie ride, and you went through like, a bunch of like movies from American history.
Jack: Mm-hm.
Austin: Yeah, that sounds —
Art: The movie ride is closed, yeah.
Dre: Okay. There was one where you went through Alien, and that fucked me up as a kid.
Austin: Oh, I bet.
Jack: Oh, god, what happens in that?
Dre: Uh, you're basically like, in the Nostromo, and then it stops, and then like a, you know, animatronic Alien starts —
Austin: Yes!
Dre: Busting out of the wall near you.
Austin: Yes, I did do that, that's cool. And scary. Understandably.
Art: Alien is too scary for anyone of any age, really. I showed it to Jess the first time and —
Austin: Alien is —
Art: She got so scared she punched me in the face.
Austin: [laughing] Fair.
Dre: Wow.
Jack: Did you [unintelligible] the Alien ride? You mean Alien the movie?
Art: Alien the movie, yeah.
Austin: This ride is scary. I remember exactly — ah, yeah, that scared me. I'm looking at it right now.
Dre: It, it's also a cool ride, though, because it was like, you had like a, like a, like an actor, who was like your guide for it.
Austin: Yeah.
Dre: And they had like a script and everything.
Austin: Yeah.
Dre: It was pretty cool. But also, that part scared the crap out of me.
Austin: Mm-hm. I've done this ride, this is a cool ride. And also there's Fantasia, is in there. Oh, who's — they're on, okay, this is like... okay. I'm —
Dre: Oh yeah! I forget there's like, dueling, like ride leaders, because you have like your original like, you know, nice Disney cast member like ride leader.
Austin: Right.
Dre: And then there's like a mob guy, who like hijacks your car.
Jack: Mm-hm.
Dre: But he dies when you go to the Indiana Jones movie, and he tries to, uh, steal something, and like dies in a pit trap. Uh...
Austin: Oh my god.
Dre: And then your like, ride driver, like, reappears. And I, I think they were probably wearing —
Jack: I'm glad that man died, they say.
Austin: [laughing] Children!
Dre: I think they were probably wearing like some very, very problematic, stereotypical, like, you know, exotic, ancient civilization clothes they popped out of.
Austin: Oh, I believe it. Oh, I believe it. I believe it. Ugh. Well, on that note... we're coming to a close here. Does anyone have any final thoughts about, I don't know, dark rides?
Art: Uh, yeah, the Peter Pan one's very good.
Austin: Do you fly in it?
Jack: Oh, yeah, the Peter Pan one's great!
Art: You're in like a little flying boat.
Jack: The Peter Pan one — yeah, the ride car is like a little flying boat that you're in, and you just fly over like lots of little tiny dioramas of London and islands and things. It's very cute. I like that one.
Austin: Sorry, I'm watching this ride guy try to steal ancient artifact. And then the smoke comes up and consumes him. Oh, he's going to turn into a skeleton isn't he?
1:22:54.3 Yeah, he turned into a skeleton. Also, your version of... he was a Mafia guy... in the video I'm watching, he was like a bad cowboy. [laughing]
Dre: Oh, okay.
Art: I think there are different people who can hijack your ride.
Austin: Oh, that's cool. Love it. Love to go to amusement parks, [laughing] I wonder which hijacker we'll get this time?
Dre: Yeah.
Austin: Oh, lord. All right. I think that that's going to do it for our first... we just have a minute 20 left, so we could still fill, but I feel like it's tough to do, you know?
Art: I could quickly tell the Alien story Jess has in the chat, where we went to Universal —
Austin: Yeah.
Art: And we did an Alien haunted house for Halloween one year.
Austin: Ooh.
Dre: Oh, god, fuck that.
Art: I agree. And in the last room, I think it was the — I don't know, maybe it wasn't the last room, I remember it as the last room. An Alien like, just jumps out at you.
Jack: Oh, god, just like a xenomorph in, like an actor?
Art: Yeah, an actor in a xenomorph suit just comes out of the, out of like the last wall and jumps at you. And the Alien tripped and just knocked Jess over.
Jack: Oh, no.
Austin: Jeez.
Art: And he can't communicate, because he's in a giant Alien suit. And what he does to try to like make it better, is he starts [gently][connection cuts out] arm to try to like, like you would like a cat that you spooked?
Jack: He strokes her arm?
Art: Yeah. And that was super creepy, because —
Austin: That's terrifying.
Art: It was like, the xenomorph be like — and it's just like a stunt guy who tripped and felt bad —
Austin: Of course, of course.
Art: But like, it's horrifying in the moment.
Jack: Yeah!
Dre: Jesus.
Austin: God. Well...
Art: Halloween amusement parks are a lot.
Austin: I can't do them. They're too scary and [unintelligible]
Jack: No, I can't. I can't and I won't.
Austin: I refuse. [alarm beeps] Oh my god. This alarm, Jack, oh my god. It made a very loud sound.
1:24:52.5
Jack: Yeah, it's calming, because of all the fish.
Austin: No!
Jack: [laughing]
Austin: I'm sorry to people who had — I'm genuinely shook. Uh... from that sound.
Dre: The original online clock dot net.
Austin: Goddamn... uh... [laughing] thank you all so much for joining us for this first edition, pilot edition of random article. I know, it was so loud! Sorry, people in the chat are agreeing that it was very loud. Uh... if you liked it, let us know in the comments. Uh... that way we know to maybe do more.
Art: And if you hated it, I guess tell us that, too.
Austin: That is more important. If you're like, eh... mmm... do that.
Art: So bad I would decrease my pledge if —
Austin, Dre, and Jack: [laughing]
Art: You did this every month.
Austin: Please let us know that one, especially. Uh... all right, let's do a, let's do a second clap, how does that sound?
Jack: Yeah, let's do it.
Austin: All right. Uh...
Art: I have so many tabs open now.
Austin: Uh, 10 after.
Jack: Works for me.
Art: Wait, 10 after? I'm at 15 after.
Austin: You should refresh. We're not going to hit 10 after now. Let's do 20. [clap] if you leave it open, it will desync.
Dre: Oh.
Austin: Yeah.
Art: But you always tell me to always have a time.is open!
Austin: Well, yeah, but then you refresh it when it's time.
Art: Mmm...
Austin: That's all. Uh, all right, thank you again for joining us, everybody. I'm going to go eat dinner, and wind down, before this long week is over. Bye!
Jack: Bye.