Rev. Cari Pattison

Woodstock Reformed Church

Sunday, September 4, 2022

“How to Leave It All Behind”

Luke 14:25-33

25Now large crowds were traveling with him; and Jesus turned and said to them, 26"Whoever comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and even life itself, cannot be my disciple. 27Whoever does not carry the cross and follow me cannot be my disciple. 28For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not first sit down and estimate the cost, to see whether he has enough to complete it? 29Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it will begin to ridicule him, 30saying, 'This fellow began to build and was not able to finish.' 31Or what king, going out to wage war against another king, will not sit down first and consider whether he is able with ten thousand to oppose the one who comes against him with twenty thousand? 32If he cannot, then, while the other is still far away, he sends a delegation and asks for the terms of peace. 33So therefore, none of you can become my disciple if you do not give up all your possessions.

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How to prepare for what’s coming

How to read the signs of the times

How to break the rules

How to find what’s lost

How to manage the impossible

How to close the inequality gap

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What to make of this text? Unpack some of the hard parts…

Refer to recent sermon on the family topic

I used to think: missionaries…

D. Bonhoeffer

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The real cost of discipleship?

Not these grand gestures, but being faithful in the little things

Not just material possessions, but what do you possess, that you might be willing to leave behind, to be a disciple?

I call these “our default settings,” the things we say – “Well, that’s just the way I am”

But I believe the cost of discipleship- more than giving up all your stuff and moving to Africa, more than standing up to dictators and going to prison for it-

I think for most of us the cost of discipleship is being willing to leave behind some of our ways of being that aren’t serving us, that are driving distance between us and the people around us, that are hindering us from walking the way of Jesus.

Fall is back-to-school time. Back to basics, not just for kids- but some challenges for us as church people, too. Forget the homework and tests, and think of it more as an invitation to grow, a curriculum in Christian development.

Paul says you’re done with milk- it’s time for spiritual meat!

This fall we’re going to specifically focus on four traits that I believe God wants to cultivate in us, as individuals and as a community:

Kindness

Wisdom

Gratitude

Generosity

We’re going to take these one month at a time- Sept, Oct, Nov, Dec.- name each one.

Now if you feel like you’ve got these nailed, and you’re like, “Nah, I’m good- I’m already the kindest, wisest, most grateful and generous person I could possibly be,” that’s cool.

Please sign up to be a mentor to the rest of us.

In September I’m focusing on kindness.

And this is shamelessly because I know it’s what I need the most.

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It’s come to my attention recently, via Nicole, Amy, etc.

George Saunders, the writer and professor- his commencement speech.

I feel the same.

Kindness is different from being warm, friendly, polite. I don’t have a hard time with those things…

Kindness is also different from selective attention. I don’t find it hard to be kind when I have an appointment with someone, and have that time set aside to give my undivided attention to that person. I am genuinely interested in people…

True kindness, is when your default setting- your operating system, if you will- is set to kindness. You orient yourself to the world, in a manner of really seeing people, listening to them, looking for the best in them, and then in every interaction, treating them as if they were Jesus.

This is a really high bar!

I want to tell you, though, that the cost of lacking kindness?

Is losing friends. Losing trust. Break-downs in family, the neighborhood, the workplace, and church.

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What I want to leave behind this month? And for this life? Is those failures of kindness.

God’s brought to mind five key things for me this week, and I hope they’ll be helpful for you too.

1. Start with the kindness of God. Cross yourself in the morning, like Martin Luther. Greg Boyle- God is the gaze that looks upon you and calls you beloved. Wake up in the morning and spend even the tiniest window- before you check your phone or walk your dog- breathing in the tender kindness of God. For some that looks like Bible study, meditation, morning journaling, I talked about the letter from Love… God is slow to anger, rich in mercy- full of steadfast lovingkindness hesed. I have discovered the hard way, there is no shortcut to this. You can’t give out what you don’t have. That is, in order to be kind, we have to first fill up on the never-ending supply of divine kindness. Start your day in the loving gaze of God.

2. Practice being kind to yourself. How do you talk to yourself, in the privacy of your own thoughts? When you get something wrong, do you inwardly say, “Ugh, you idiot! How can you be so stupid?” Do you have the voice in your head of your meanest teacher or harshest parent on their worst day? Or can you try on the idea of speaking to yourself, the way your most loving friend speaks to you? That relative who adores you? That teacher who always made time for you? What if you tried speaking to yourself, when you spill something or break something, “Oh that’s okay. That was an unintended outcome, wasn’t it?” Or when you botch something bigger than that, you might try my mom’s words, “Well, a mistake isn’t wasted if you learn from it.” At least, I think that was my mom. Fill up on the kindness of God, and by all means, please be kind to yourself.

3. Pray for the power to be kind. Especially when you leave your house, pray for the God-given ability to see each person as a child of God- especially those who trigger you or hurt you. The person who insults your dog. The person who shows up unannounced on your porch. The person who digs right into your deepest wounds. This is not the same as being a doormat. Kindness- as modeled by Jesus- doesn’t mean letting people treat you badly. But it means seeing people’s poor behavior as a sign of unhappiness, unwellness, and asking yourself, “I wonder what they’ve been through?” The kindest person in my high school class of 450 was a woman named Kate Benson. And she put as her senior year quote: “Be kind; everyone you know is fighting a private battle.” I recently finished re-reading an early book of Frederick Buechner, and one thing he quotes from a mentor of his- is this blessing: “May God have mercy on you for every face you cannot look upon with joy.” I know there are faces for you that are too hard to look upon with joy. We can’t be friends with everyone. We can’t reconcile every relationship, nor should we. But if everyone we encounter is truly a child of God, we can ask for God’s forgiveness and help- for every face we cannot yet look upon with joy.

4. Find some kindness mentors. If you were studying piano, or cooking, or carpentry, you’d get someone to apprentice you, right? Someone you could train under, who would serve as a model and teacher? This is huge with kindness! Identify some people who truly have kindness as their default setting. Not that they’re perfect, but they genuinely lead with love and respect and patience and care. You can feel it. For me, two of these kindness mentors are Ken and Krista. I have worked with them for two years, and trust me- you won’t find kinder people on this earth. It doesn’t mean they will always say yes, or never tell you no, or never set boundaries around what they will accept. It means that in every interaction I see them in, whether they’re in a hurry or tired or hungry or have other places to go, they regard each person they come across, with the attitude of, “I see you. You matter. Let me see what I can do.” Find some kindness mentors and spend time with them. Ask them their secret! Pray that a little bit of their light will rub off on you. Sometimes it’s hard to figure out “What would Jesus do?” but when I ask myself, “What would Ken and Krista do?” – now that’s something I can actually picture!

5. And finally, as best that you can, set the conditions for kindness. We’re all wired differently, but if you know that you- like me- are especially sensitive to things like hunger, tiredness, time alone, etc., then plan for that! Pack snacks so you’re not famished and likely to snap at someone. Figure out a way to prioritize sleep! If you’re maxed out on people and need time alone, go to a place where you can get it- even if for 15 minutes. These small little forms of maintenance go a long way. The other thing I’ve talked about before, is the power of slowing down. One friend the other day said that I suffer from “hurry sickness.” They’re not wrong! And yes, most of us have multiple things we’re managing, right? Multiple jobs, family responsibilities, you name it. But we can choose to create margin in between meetings. We can choose to arrive early so we’re not in a rush. We can set the conditions that will best enable us to show up with kindness.

Last of all I want to add, though- no failure of kindness is final. When all else fails and you’ve blown it, guess what- you can say you’re sorry. You can give a sincere apology with no excuses, and tell the person how you will do better in the future. ‘Cause here’s the deal- even if you can out-kind Ken and Krista, there are still gonna be people you disappoint. Sometimes people’s expectations of you aren’t even realistic. But you can say you’re sorry when you inadvertently hurt someone, by your lack of kindness.

So my challenge to you this September- and I believe God’s challenge to us as a church- is to lean into kindness this month.

Repeat all 5- please write these down- even in your phone!

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Here’s what I want to invite you to do-

If you’re up for the challenge- because I need helpers and partners and accountability in this-

I will have a sign-up sheet at the door after church, and you can just tell me on your way out- “I’m in!” or if you’re on zoom…

And if you have to leave early, write it on a notecard and leave it in the pew.

Here’s all we’ll do-

Each day we’ll have a small email exchange- where in just a sentence- we note down one act of kindness we received from someone that day, and one act of kindness we gave that day. That’s it.

It could be as simple as- “The woman at the café complimented my eyes.” “I surprised my neighbor with chocolates.”

The end.

Are you in?

Because guess what- there’s no end to where this can go…

Story of Maureen and Meg!

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Pray- You call us to pick up our cross, count the cost, leave it all behind, make us more like you- it actually is a high cost. It means giving up some of our normal ways of doing things and seeing people. But God, we so want to be your disciples. Help us feel your kindness, and share that with the world.