The Good Words Podcast episode transcript - EDIFYING

Zeke:  Knock, knock.
Ben:  Who’s there?
Zeke:  Tom.
Ben:  Tom, who?
Zeke:  Tom flies when you're waiting for the door to open!

Lynn:  The unabridged Oxford English Dictionary contains over [extreme echo effect] two hundred thousand words!  These words express the breadth and depth of human experience, from the ordinary to the spectacular.  Yet the average American adult only knows about one-tenth of this total number of words, and regularly uses only about half of those.  This podcast is dedicated to the pursuit of using words better, and using better words.  This is the Good Words Podcast.

Robot voice:  Good Words Podcast.

[music:  "Good Words" by Miss Lynn]

Lynn:  Salutations, Logophiles!  This is the Good Words Podcast, and I am Lynn Hickernell.  If you have listened to this podcast before, you know that each episode focuses on a word that is interesting and fun to say, but sometimes those words mean something unpleasant or have negative connotations, like "squelch," "antediluvian," or "foible."  But this episode's theme is in all respects a truly "good" word:

Logan:  Edifying.
Millie:  Edifying.
Kelley:  Edifying.
Sarah:  Edifying.
Ben:  Edifying.
Lily:  Edifying.
Grace:  Edifying.
Anna:  Edifying.
Keli:  Edifying.
Danny:  Edifying.
Ruby:  "Edifying" describes something that is beneficial . . .
Zeke:  . . . describes something that is beneficial . . .
Ben: . . . something that is beneficial . . .
Keli: . . .  beneficial . . .
Logan: . . .  beneficial . . .
Lily: . . .  beneficial . . .
Danny: . . .  beneficial, or uplifting . . .
Millie: . . .  beneficial, or uplifting . . .
Anna: . . . uplifting . . .
Ruby: . . . uplifting . . .
Keli: . . . uplifting, especially morally . . .
Zeke: . . . especially morally . . .
Lily: . . . especially morally . . .
Sarah: . . . especially morally, or spiritually.
Anna: . . . morally, or spiritually.
Logan: . . . morally, or spiritually.
Millie: . . . morally, or spiritually.
Ben: . . . morally, or spiritually.

Monster voice:  Edifying.

Lynn:  "Edifying" is more than something just being pleasant, but it means that something is really good for you, not just physically, but also good for your spirit or your soul.  When something is edifying, it often gives you a feeling of peacefulness, or of things being the way they are best meant to be.  What do you find edifying?

Kelley:  I like being in nature.  I feel that being in nature is edifying.  Compared to our everyday life where people are talking, and there's so much noise from televisions, and it just is nice to be outside and enjoy sunshine, and trees, and living things.
Grace:  Going to school.  Because I really like school and I like learning.
Sarah:  Something that I find edifying is reading a really good book.  It can be fiction or non-fiction, but something that I feel fills a part of me that wasn't full before.
Zeke:  Doing plays.  I just like seeing it all come together, and just being in plays and like, singing.
Keli:  Our family takes a vacation to a very secluded beach in South Carolina.  There's no commercial, there's very little cell signal or wifi, and it just forces you to fully disconnect from the world around you.  And then having the access to nature, through the beach and the ocean, and the sounds, and the smells, and the feel of that around you, I find that that fills my soul.  And if I go too long without it, it is . . . I find myself exhausted by not having that edifying experience.
Sarah:  Going to live theater I find to be very edifying.  I feel like it makes me smarter, and sharper, and more in touch with what's going on with people around me.
Lily:  If somebody does something nice to me, it puts me in a good mood.  And then, for the rest of the day, I'm doing things for other people, and it just makes me feel a lot better.
Logan:  At our front door, we had a fall wreath.  And these birds, they came in, and she lays her eggs, and then left.  And then the eggs hatched, and there's this one that got stuck, and he couldn't get out, and his friends just         left him.  So then, my cousin comes out, and she lets him, she lets him out.  And he just flies away, faster than all the other birds, and it was awesome.

["Say What?!? intro sound cue]

Lynn:  Doing something magnanimous for someone else is often edifying, because it comes out of selflessness and, presumably, makes the world a better place through kindness and generosity.  A familiar way of expressing this idea is, "It is better to give than to receive."  Getting something from someone else can feel pretty nice, especially if it's a gift or something else we really want.  When this expression says it is "better" to be the giver, it is referring to the fact that generosity is edifying.  It may not feel as good as receiving something, but it is good for your self, for your character, to think about other's needs and wants, and not just your own.

That said, merely having the intention of generosity does not necessarily make an experience edifying.  Being a person is complicated, and the things we do, as well as our motives for doing them, are also complicated.  I would agree that in general, it is more edifying to give than to receive--but not if the experience is harmful or troubling to the person doing the giving.  

I wanted to share something with you that I went through as a kid.  The adults who arranged it had very good intentions to put me in the position to be a giver, but I did not find the experience edifying.

["Do Over" sound cue]

Adult Lynn:  I was in Girl Scouts all throughout my time in school, and in fourth and fifth grades, my troop did a regular service project.  One evening a month, girls from my troop and another local troop went to a school in our area for students with significant physical and intellectual disabilities.  Some of these students could walk with crutches, but most used wheelchairs.  After we arrived at the school, we would help the students to a large meeting room, complete a craft project with them, perhaps sing a song with them, and then help them return to their dormitory rooms.

I dreaded these nights every month.  What was I supposed to say to these students?  A lot of them didn't speak, so how could I know if they understood me?  What if I said or did something accidentally to insult them?  Some of the students were not able to do a lot of the steps in the craft projects on their own--should I do it for them?  My troop leader would announce that we had an upcoming visit, and my stomach would turn in knots with all these unanswered questions.

Troop leader:  Don't forget, next week is our monthly service trip to the Richardson School.  We will meet in the lobby at 7:00.

Adult Lynn:  I didn't say anything.  I felt really ashamed that going to the school to help those students made me feel so uncomfortable, so I just stayed quiet.

["Do Over" sound cue]

Lynn:  Well, this story, I've called it, "The Special School," and I am really excited to get to talk about this with, as always, my friend Emily King, but for this conversation we also have another very special guest, who is Madeleine.  Welcome, Madeleine.  Thanks for being willing to talk to us about this.

Madeleine:  Yes, sure.  

Lynn:  So, why don't you tell us, Mae?  Tell us, why mom thought that you might be a good person to talk to about this.

Madeleine:  Well, I have two special kids in my class, and I've had to learn about them, and just how to, like, communicate and talk with them.  

Emily:  Well, and at first, before this school year . . .

Madeleine:  I wasn't too sure.  

Emily:  Yeah, you weren't sure.  You were pretty nervous.

Madeleine:  Yeah.  

Emily:  Around kids in wheelchairs, or kids who can't communicate with words like you can.  So, this has been a big year of learning for you.

Madeleine:  Mmmm-hmmmm.  Yeah.

Emily:  And how to be friends, and include the kids who are different from everyone else.

Madeleine:  Yep.  Yeah.

Lynn:  And when you were listening to me talk about how I felt when I was a kid and was in that situation, could you relate to the things that I was saying about, kind of, why it made me uncomfortable, why it made me nervous to go and interact with those kids who were so different?

Madeleine:  Yeah.  Um, I was unsure, 'cause I like, I don't know them, I've just, like, seen them around the school, and I'm just, like, really nervous about, like, will they react to something?  Like, I felt the same way, like, will they react to something that I might do, or like, cry, or whine, or something like that?  Or like, yell?  I'm like, "Ah!"  

Emily:  Mmm-hmmm.  And you were afraid that it would all be, just unexpected.

Madeleine:  Yeah.  

Emily:  And you wouldn't know what to do.  

Madeleine:  And I wouldn't want some of them . . . you wouldn't want them to run around crazy, like . . . you don't want them, like, pulling your hair, or anything.  'Cause one time that actually happened.  Not by me, but by my friend.  Joseph actually pulled one of my friend's hairs, and I just like, I don't want this to happen.  And like, sometimes he runs out into the hallway, and it's just hard to watch, and understand.

Emily:  Mmm-hmmmmm.  But now, you . . .

Madeleine:  Understand because he has disabilities and was born that way.  

Emily:  Mmm-hmm.  Yeah.

Madeleine:  Yeah.  

Emily:  So, like, today at the class party, I thought it was really sweet that . . .

Madeleine:  Yeah.

Emily:  . . . I think it was your friend, Sunny?

Madeleine:  Oh, yeah.

Emily:  . . . was like, "Where's Joseph?"  And I think she went to Joseph's other class to get him and his helper to come down to the class party.

Lynn:  Oh!

Emily:  All the kids are really good at including Ben and Joseph.

Madeleine:  Yeah, we like to play with them at recess, and run around with them.  

Emily:  Mmmm-hmm.  Mmm-hmmmm.  And what about, how did Eldon help Ben at lunch?  Didn't Eldon, like, sing to help Ben eat.

Madeleine:  Sing?  Oh.  Like, yeah.  Um, yeah, Ben doesn't like bananas.  And so he . . . well, Eldon made him like bananas.  So, he had his bananas at lunch, and so Eldon, my friend, he just sang, like, a funny banana song that made Ben eat all of his bananas in, like, two minutes.  

Emily:  Oh, really?  Awwwww.

Madeleine:  And I could tell that he really liked them now.  

Emily:  Yeah.

Madeleine:  And Eldon is really close to Ben, and they really like each other.  So it's . . . yeah.

Emily:  Yeah.            

Madeleine:  Everybody likes to sit by him at lunch, so . . . yeah.

Lynn:  So, when Ben and Joseph were first coming into your class, did the grown-ups do anything special to help you understand?

Madeleine:  Yeah.  At the beginning of the year, my teacher just said, "I know Ben and Joseph might have some disabilities, but we have to treat them how we would treat anybody else.  And treat them fairly, and don't judge them by their looks or how they act," or something like . . . stuff like that.  And she explained disabilities, and how their brain worked, and all that.

Emily:  Mmmm-hmmmm.

Lynn:  Did she tell you specific information, like, about Ben and Joseph, so you would know . . . ?

Madeleine:  Not really, she just said they were born with disabilities in different ways, and so . . .

Emily:  Mmmmm-hmmmm.

Lynn:  So you had the chance over the course of the year to, sort of, learn specifically the ways in which they were different . . .

Madeleine:  Mmmmm-hmmmm.  Yeah.  

Lynn:  . . . from you, in the same way that you learned about all your friends in class . . .

Madeleine:  Yeah.

Lynn:  . . . about how everybody is different in some ways and the same in some ways.  

Madeleine:  Mmmmm-hmmm.  Yeah.

Emily:  Mmmm-hmmmm.  'Cause it seems like it's just getting to know them like you would get to know another friend.

Madeleine:  Yeah.  

Emily:  "Does Margaret like bananas?"  Well, but we  know Ben likes bananas.  Ben likes things, just like Sunny likes things, you know?  Even if they have disabilities, they still . . .

Madeleine:  They're still people.  

Emily:  Yeah.

Madeleine:  People, and they can do things.  

Emily:  Yeah.  

Madeleine:  They have feelings.  

Emily:  Yeah.  Can you say anything about the way that Ben will communicate with the nodding with his hand?  Or the iPad?

Madeleine:  Yeah.  Uh, yeah.  So, basically, he can do "yes" and "no" in sign language, and you sort of have to . . . he can't do really anything else with sign language, but you can, if you want to ask him something that's not a question, you sort of have to make that statement, or something you want to tell him, sort of into a question, basically?  

Emily:  Mmmmm-hmmmmm.

Madeleine:  Or just ask him a question, like "Do you like bacon?" or "Do you like ham?" or something like that.

Emily:  Mmmmm-hmmmmmm.

Madeleine:  And he'll, like, respond with a yes or no, and sometimes he likes to be funny, and just do non-honest answers.

Emily:  Oh, really?

Madeleine:  Yeah.  And  he actually has an iPad, that has all the things that he can tap to say that he wants, like if he wants a crayon to color, on his iPad he can like say, the iPad voice will say, "Blue."  And then whoever is working with him will give him a blue, and he can just communicate.  Like, it has all the things that you use on the iPad.  

Emily:  Mmmm-hmmm.  That's really cool.

Madeleine:  Mmmm-hmmm.  

Emily:  And he's in a wheelchair?

Madeleine:  Yes, he is in a wheelchair.  And he has to have glasses, and . . . yeah.

Emily:  Yeah.  So, yeah, so you've learned a lot, and you've gotten a lot more comfortable.

Madeleine:  Yeah.  I mean, I enjoy hanging out with them now.  I'm not scared or anything.

Emily:  Mmmm-hmmmm.

Lynn:  So, if there were another kid who you met, who was in a situation where they--you know, like maybe someone who knows that they're going to have a kid with disabilities in their class in the fall but they're kind of more where you were at the beginning of the school year, right?  Like, this kid is nervous about it and not sure how to interact with their classmate who has disabilities.  Do you have any advice that you would give to a kid in that situation?

Madeleine:  Well, I would give them, just say, show them respect, and show them your actions and your emotions like you would to any other kid.  You just want to treat him how you would treat somebody else that doesn't have disabilities.  So . . .

Emily:  Mmmm-hmmmm.

Madeleine:  Yeah.  And don't laugh, or judge anything.  'Cause that wouldn't be nice, 'cause they have feelings, too.

Emily:  If another kid had questions, like, "Do you like blue?" Or, you know, "Do you like bananas?" Or . . . to ask that kid with a disability, what would you say to them?  Say, "Just go ask him."  Or, "Ask their helper," or . . .

Madeleine:  Yeah, I would just say, "Well, if you're curious about a question about them, you just go up to them, and just say, like, "Do you like bananas?"  And he would either say yes, or no.  You just want to go ask him and don't be afraid, because, I mean, they're still human beings.  

Emily:  Mmmm-hmmm.  Yeah.  That's good.

Lynn:  So, just ask.  Right?  If there's anything you don't know, just . . .

Madeleine:  Ask.  

Emily:  Well, like you would any other friend.  

Madeleine:  Yeah.  

Lynn:  Well, I wish I had known to do that.  

Emily:           Yeah, well, me too.  

Madeleine:  Yeah, at the beginning of the year, Miss Hughes had to--that's my teacher--she had to tell us everything, like, "If you want to know something about them, just go ask, and be nice, and just go with the flow."

Lynn:  Well, that's really helpful.  Thank you, Madeleine.

Madeleine:  You're welcome.  

Lynn:  Well, I think that maybe Kid Lynn can do that over.  If she knows it's okay to ask.  You don't have to be afraid, right?  You don't have to be ashamed of . . .

Emily:  Mmmmm-mmmmm.

Lynn:  . . . feeling unsure.  Just ask.  

Madeleine:  Mmmmm-mmmmm.

Lynn:  I think she can do it over.

Emily:  I think she can.  

Madeleine:  Mmmm-hmmmmm.

Lynn:  Let's give her a try.    

Madeleine:  Okay.

["Do Over" sound cue]

Troop leader:  Don't forget, next week is our monthly service trip to the Richardson School.  We will meet in the lobby at 7:00.

Kid Lynn:  Before we go, can we talk about what we are supposed to do while we're there?  I always feel very uncomfortable about going, because I’m unsure about how to interact with the students, and I'm afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing.  Can you tell us more about the students we will be meeting? What do they like?  I talk with my words a lot of the time, but how do they show me if they are feeling happy, or excited, or even frustrated or bored? Can we work with them and their teachers to pick activities that ALL of us might enjoy?

Robot voice:  Edifying.

Lynn:  Looking back on it now, I can see that one of the things that bothered me so much about the visits to the Richardson School was that I couldn't connect with the students there.  Because I was nervous and afraid, I didn't know how to bridge the gaps of difference between us, so that we could be united in our common humanity, the way Madeleine learned how to be with her classmates.  In the many years since, I have discovered that really connecting with another person, seeing who they are, with empathy and compassion, and allowing them to see you, is one of the most edifying things I have experienced.  I even wrote a song about it, called, "I Contact," that concludes this episode.    

Experience has also taught me something that you may know already:  that one of the best ways to connect with other people is through laughter!  I hope this next segment will connect with you!

Many voices:  GET IT?!?!?

Charlotte:  What’s the difference between a tuna and a guitar?
Fred:  You can tune a guitar, but you can’t guitar a tuna.
[rock guitar chord]

Lily:  What’s a computer’s favorite snack?
Grace:  Cookies.

Millie:  What is a snake’s favorite school subject?
Charlotte:  Hiss-tory.

Grace:  What kind of stories do rock climbers love to read?
Logan:  Cliff hangers.
[laughing sound effect]

Fred:  What are two things you can never eat for breakfast?
Lily:  Lunch and dinner.

Chipmunk voice:  Edifying.

Lynn:  One more thing I have found to be extremely edifying is the intentional practice of gratitude.  Of course, it's always polite to make sure and thank people who have done something for you, but I have realized that making sure to say thank you is good for me, too.  It helps me to remember how interconnected we all are, and how fortunate I am to know so many remarkable people.    

So:  thank you to Dania Ramos, who played  the part of the Girl Scout leader in this episode's "Do Over."  I am really excited that Dania's podcast, "Timestorm," is returning with new episodes after a hiatus.  You can find "Timestorm" on KidsListen.org, and  I've provided a link in this episode's show notes at GoodWordsPodcast.com.

Thanks also to Access, Inclusion and Education Consultant Talleri A. McRae, who helped me a lot writing the "Do Over" script.

Thank you to this episode's other contributors: Zeke, Sarah, Ruby, Millie, Madeleine, Logan, Lily, Kelley -ey, Keli -i, Grace, Fred, family therapist Emily King, Danny, Charlotte, Ben, and Anna.

Extra special thanks to the GWP Partners, whose financial support allows me to produce this podcast without relying on advertising.  If you find the Good Words Podcast edifying, please consider becoming a GWP Partner yourself.  You can find out how, and about some of the Partners-Only benefits available, at patreon.com/goodwordspodcast.

And one final thanks, to you.  I love making this podcast, so thanks for being a part of it by listening.  Until next time, keep listening, and keep connecting with other people by talking about what astonishes you, amuses you, infuriates you, and frightens you.  Tell the truth with kindness, and the things you say will be good words.  Bye for now.

[music:  "Good Words" by Miss Lynn]

[music:  "I Contact" by Miss Lynn]