Dear Liisphyra

Episode 15 (S2E5): Tugbeck’s Big Day (Reprise)

Official Transcript

Written by Katie Siegel

[intro theme]

Liisphyra: 

Gooooood morning, Grevelon, and welcome back to Dear Liisphyra. My name’s Liisphyra Lyndambar. And if this is your first time tuning in, on this show I give advice to any folks and creatures who may need it!

We have a guest in the studio today! Hopefully they’ll be a lot less destructive than our last guest, Deevee the Dust Devil, who wrecked our old station so badly we had to move! The bar is very, very low for guests in the studio. If we make it out of this episode with the station intact, it’s a win in my book.

Our guest’s name is Tugbeck. Say hi, Tugbeck.

[musical sting]

No, I meant…you can speak.

[pause]

A man of few words. You take after your uncle. Oh, forgot to mention, Tugbeck is the nephew of our station manager, Ruvyn. Say hi, Ruvyn!

[pause]

Just wanted to make a point, thank you Ruvyn. Your characteristically stoic silence is both calming and unnerving as always.

Now Tugbeck, if I’m to understand correctly, is currently a fifth year at Wilhelmina the Silent’s School for Gifted Musicians, which is actually where my best friend Raedra majored in the flute some time ago. Now Tugbeck, I see you have a variety of instruments with you today. Are you a…double major? [musical sting] Triple? [musical sting] Quadruple? [musical sting] Just, kind of studying a smattering of everything? I get that, I couldn’t decide what I wanted to study in school either. I just stayed until I had taken all the first-level courses, and kind of just called it there.

Anyway, I’m told that Tugbeck is graduating in a month, and will soon be looking for work, which his mother is apparently very concerned about. Which is why he’s here today, to demonstrate his musical abilities throughout the course of our show. Not sure why his uncle couldn’t just give him literally any other time slot to play his music. It’s not like the rest of the station’s schedule is chock full of irreplaceable programming. In fact, let’s jump ahead and see what’s up next…

[papers shuffling]

“The buzz of a swarm of frizzy bees flying around their nest.” We couldn’t replace that with Tugbeck, Ruvyn? You’re telling me Tugbeck couldn’t accompany the frizzy bees in the next time slot instead?

I’m sorry Tugbeck, I don’t mean to make you feel unwelcome, it’s just…this is an advice show! I don’t think there’s much need for musical accompaniment. But I’m sure you’re very good at what you do. And if anyone out there is looking to hire a musician…well, we’ll see how he does.

Let’s jump into our first letter.

[musical sting]

…alright then.

[musical button]

This first letter comes from Hoogrit. Hoogrit writes:

“Dear Liisphyra,

Please settle a debate between me and my friend. We are planning on attempting a 40-day trek across Grevelon, which would set the record as the fastest that journey has ever been completed by unwingéd folk.

My friend thinks that we need to travel light, in order to keep up the pace we need to break the record. The course we’ve chosen does involve us traveling in some precarious areas, like the Crumbling Cliffs and the Single File Isle, so his argument is that we shouldn’t have a lot of supplies to weigh us down.

I, on the other hand, think that it’s more important to be prepared for anything we might need on this journey. Sure, it might be easier to safely cross the Single File Isle if we packed lighter, but if we do end up getting splashed by magma, isn’t it better to have my tub of burn salve handy? What if we need a giant hammer, or a collapsible umbrella, or my complete 42-volume set of Encyclopedia Grevlonna?

I understand his concern for wanting to travel light, but I’m worried our journey might end early if we aren’t prepared for every possible situation. What do you think?

Thanks,
Hoogrit”

Boy, what a journey. I get tired just traveling to the West Forest. Hoogrit, here’s what I think you should do–

[musical sting]

[pause]

Tugbeck…I genuinely forgot you were here. That scared me a little. Can’t you just do some…ambient background sounds?

[loud, upbeat music]

Okay, okay, nevermind, nevermind!

[music stops]

[sighs] What I started to say was, I think there’s a compromise here. It’s good to be prepared, but maybe you don’t have to be as prepared as you’re trying to be. For example, maybe you don’t need an entire tub of salve. Instead, just bring a little tin. And so on.

Also, I assume you’re not always going to be traveling in the wilderness. Which means that if you do need some supplies that you didn’t pack, you can probably pick them up somewhere along the way. Then you can give them away when you’re done, so you’re not lugging a giant hammer with you for the rest of your journey.

Good luck with your travels, and come say hi if they take you through the Towering Forest! Thanks for writing in.

[complicated musical sting]

Great.

I will say, Tugbeck, it’s really nice of your uncle to give you this opportunity. I make my jokes, but Ruvyn’s a pretty good station manager. [chuckling] Oh, there was this one time, though, he was in the basement looking for some parchment, and he–

[mug shatters]

Namrys alive, Ruvyn, what was that? Did you drop your mug? If you didn’t want me to tell the story, you could’ve just…

[paper shuffling]

Is this a letter? I already had another letter I was gonna read next. Okay, fine, I’ll read this one. Are you okay? You looked freaked out. And he’s walking back to his desk, alright, um…

Guess I’ll just move on to our next letter, which Ruvyn just pulled out of his desk and silently handed to me. And it’s…is this your handwriting, Ruvyn? Is this letter from you? He shook his head. Okay, he’s gesturing for me to read it, okay, okay, I’m reading it.

[clears throat]

“Dear Liisphyra,

Hi. This is Liisphyra.”

[musical sting]

Huh.

“For starters, this is not a prank. I’m you, from the–”

And then the word “future” is crossed out, and then the word “past” is crossed out, and then there’s just a bunch of question marks. Ruvyn, what–okay, okay, keep reading, I’ll keep reading.

[music starts]

“To prove that I’m really you, I’m going to tell you something that only we would know. Except, now a couple people know it, because I had to tell them to get this message to you. But don’t read it on the air, because that would be embarrassing. A few months ago, you borrowed Raedra’s bow and arrows–”

[music stops]

Ohh, yeah, no, not gonna read the rest of that out loud. This is strange. Okay, skipping ahead:

[music starts]

“Hopefully now you’re convinced that I’m you. Now, there’s a person on the vine named Kirzen. Take her call, and she’ll explain the rest.

Also, your hair looks great today!

Love,
Liisphyra”

[music stops]

Aw, thank you. Wait, okay, ahhh. This is so weird. Uh, Ruvyn, is there a caller on the vine named Kirzen? Okay, patch her through.

Kirzen? You’re on the air.

Kirzen: Oh, wow, that went so much faster than the last time.

[musical sting]

Liisphyra: The…last time?

Kirzen: Yeah, yesterday you spent, like, 5 minutes trying to figure out if some people named Kimble and Bimble wrote the letter I sent? That’s why I figured it’d be faster if you wrote the letter yourself.

[musical sting]

Liisphyra: Wait, okay…just…I am so confused. I didn’t talk to you yesterday. [musical sting] I don’t even know who you are.

Kirzen: Technically it wasn’t yesterday. It was today, but yesterday’s version of today. That’s why you don’t remember it.

Liisphyra: Oh…

[musical sting]

Kirzen: You get it?

Liisphyra: No! [oboe makes “whomp whomp’ sound] That didn’t make sense at all! How can yesterday be today but also not today because it was yesterday?

[music starts]

Kirzen: Okay, let me start from the beginning.

Liisphyra: Today’s beginning or yesterday’s beginning?

Kirzen: Actually, the beginning was 11 days ago. Or was it 12? It’s really hard to keep track. Anyway, it was a pretty normal day. I woke up, ate breakfast, and then I went to the market to pick up some groceries. I returned home and did some painting in the backyard while listening to Dear Liisphyra–love the show, by the way.

[Dear Liisphyra theme plays briefly before music continues]

Liisphyra: Oh, thank you!

Kirzen: I went out to watch the annual pie-making contest. Then I went home, ate dinner, read for a little, and went to bed. Normal-sounding day, right?

Liisphyra: Sure. I mean, I can’t paint to save my life, so it wouldn’t be normal for me, but I get it.

Kirzen: The next morning I went to make breakfast, but I was out of pemblefruit juice. Which was odd, because I remembered buying some at the market the day before. Then I realized that nothing I had gotten from the market was in my kitchen.

Liisphyra: Were you robbed? [music stops] I’ve heard there are a lot more bandits lately. There’s this one group called–

Kirzen: – the Bardits, who sing to you while they take your valuables? Yeah, you said that yesterday.

Liisphyra: Oh.

Kirzen: And that’s what I thought at first. That I was robbed, not the thing about the bandit bards. [music starts] But nothing else had been taken, so I just calmed myself down and set out to the market to restock.

I quickly began realizing that something was amiss. I bumped into a friend I had seen the day before, and they said that it had been forever since we’d gotten tea together. Which is exactly what they said the day before, but they said it like we hadn’t just spoken about it.

And then the pemblefruit seller gave me a 20% discount on the juice, which they had already given me yesterday, only yesterday they had said it was a one-day deal! I didn’t comment on it, obviously, because who am I to question a discount? [music stops] But it was [musical sting]…odd.

What sealed it all for me was hearing some people talking about the pie-making contest, and how there were multiple contestants at the market that morning shopping for ingredients. [music starts] Now, I could convince myself that maybe I had missed some groceries, or that my friend had forgotten we had just seen each other, or that maybe the one-day juice sale was actually a two-day sale. But I knew for sure that the pie-making competition had been the day before. And that’s when I realized that the day…was repeating. [music stops]

Liisphyra: Sorry, like, the whole day? Everything was exactly the same?

[music starts]

Kirzen: Yup. I was so freaked out that I just went straight back to my house. I took a potion to try to calm my nerves, but it didn’t work. I only left the house for a little bit to confirm that the pie-making contest was happening again. But it was all the same, everything was exactly the same.

[music stops]

Liisphyra: Spooky.

Kirzen: I didn’t think I’d be able to fall asleep that night. [music starts] I was awake for hours, trying to figure out how this could have happened. Tried taking another potion to help me sleep–didn’t work. I recently moved into this house, and I think all my potions expired during the move. Anyway, after hours of tossing and turning, it was morning. And sure enough, my groceries were gone again.

This went on for about a week. I started spending every day in the library, trying to figure out how this could have happened, why no one seemed to be aware of it, and most importantly: how I could get time moving again.

Then, a few days ago–well, a few days ago for me, it was the same day for everyone else–I decided to stay home instead of going to the library, and I re-listened to that day’s Dear Liisphyra. [Dear Liisphyra theme] I realized that maybe you could help me figure out what was happening. I tried calling in, but my call didn’t get picked. The next day, I tried calling earlier, but my call still didn’t get picked.

The next morning, I called the station first thing. Ruvyn answered, and when I said I was calling to talk to you, he said to call back later. [music stops] Then he sort of grumbled about how you get a bunch of callers but hardly enough letters–

Liisphyra: Yeah, he’s been grumbling about that a lot lately. Honestly, he grumbles about most things. Grumbling’s kind of his standard tone.

[music starts]

Kirzen: –so I asked if I could dictate a letter for him to write down and have you read. He was resistant, but then I told him that you were going to tell an embarrassing story about him on the show that day–I would know, since I’d already listened to it multiple times. I told him that if it didn’t happen, he didn’t have to give you the letter, but if it did, he would deliver it to you. He gave in, so I dictated the letter, which outlined my dilemma and asked you to take my call if you thought you could help.

Liisphyra: But wait, the letter Ruvyn gave me was from me, not you.

[music stops]

Kirzen: Right. This was two days ago today. I haven’t gotten to today today yet.

Liisphyra: I have a headache.

Kirzen: You said that two days ago, too. You found a vial of headache relief in your bag.

Liisphyra: I did? Okay, keep talking, I’m gonna go grab that.

[Tugbeck begins playing a theme as Liisphyra stands and walks to get her bag]

Stop that.

[music stops]

[distant] Go ahead, Kirzen!

[music starts]

Kirzen: Just like I told him you would, you started telling that embarrassing story, so Ruvyn dropped the mug to interrupt you, and brought you my letter. Then, like I said earlier, you spent about 5 minutes going on about…Kimble and Bimble?

Liisphyra: Yeah, they’re imps who like to prank people, that tracks.

Kirzen: Eventually you picked up my call, saying you would hang up immediately if you heard anyone say the word “prank” or “pranked.” But finally I was able to explain my situation to you, same as I just did. Minus the part where I explained what happened two days ago, because at the time, two days ago was today, so…

Liisphyra: Taking the headache potion now. [drinking sound]  [music stops] Wait, so if we talked two days ago, that must mean whatever I said didn’t help you, right? So why are you calling back?

[music starts]

Kirzen: No, you did help! You told me to try to recount every little detail of what happened during the day to try to figure out what could’ve caused this…I was calling it a time loop, but you wanted to call it a time trap?

Liisphyra: Because you’re stuck in it! That’s exactly what I was thinking!

Kirzen: Whatever it’s called, I couldn’t really remember much about the day, since lately I’ve been spending so much time at the library. So you told me to take a day, retrace my steps, record as much as I could, and then call back.

Liisphyra: This is so weird, that’s literally what I was thinking. Great minds.

Kirzen: Same mind. It’s just your mind.

[music stops]

Liisphyra: Anyway, what happened then?

Kirzen: Well, I asked if you could dictate a letter for yourself that I could have Ruvyn give to you the next time I called back, just so we could save time on you being suspicious of imps.

Liisphyra: Ohhh. So that’s when I wrote the letter.

Kirzen: Right. I asked you to talk about something only you would know, and I think for a moment you thought this might have all been a ruse to get you to tell an embarrassing story on the air, so you kept it vague, just in case.

Liisphyra: Oh, okay. I was wondering why it said “[redacted]” a bunch of times during the story.

Kirzen: Then we hung up. Half the day was over already, but I still went to the pie contest to start taking notes. [music starts] Then I spent the entire next day retracing my steps the best I could. And when I went home that night, I was reading over my notes from the past day and a half, and that’s when I found it.

Liisphyra: Found what?

Kirzen: The difference. The only thing that hadn’t repeated, other than me.

Liisphyra: Which might indicate what caused the time trap in the first place. What was it?

Kirzen: Mezana’s pie.

[music stops]

[pause]

Liisphyra: I’ll be honest, for some reason I thought you were going to say something a little more menacing or strange than “pie.”

[music starts]

Kirzen: I have this neighbor, Mezana. She’s a powerful sorcerer with a terrible temper. I think she might be the reason why I got this house so cheap. Well, that and the fact that my speaking plant only gets reception in the kitchen.

Anyway, two days ago, after we hung up, I went to the pie-making competition. Fibbly Jonzeran won first place for his fyre pie, same as he had every other time I was there. And same as the other times, Mezana’s butterfruit pie didn’t place, and she stormed offstage.

Then yesterday morning, I saw Mezana at the market. I had seen her every other day I went, but didn’t pay much attention. I wrote down everything I saw, and continued on with my day. That afternoon, I went to the pie-making competition, and once again, Fibbly Jonzeran won. And once again, Mezana stormed off the stage when her sweet mushroom pie didn’t place.

I went home and read through my notes. I wasn’t sure what I was looking for: everything seemed completely normal. Nothing I did or saw seemed like it would set off a time loop, but then I saw it.

[music stops]

Yesterday, Mezana had made a sweet mushroom pie. But the day before, the day I had called into the show, she had made a butterfruit pie.

[musical sting]

Liisphyra: Ohhhh…

Kirzen: I tried to think back and remember the first two days I went to the pie-making competition. [music starts] The first day was definitely a pemblefruit pie–I remembered thinking Mezana was so lucky she was making that pie on the day the pemblefruit seller was having a sale.

Liisphyra: Interesting.

Kirzen: What I haven’t figured out is what it all means. Is Mezana unaffected by the time loop, too?

[music stops]

Liisphyra: Or…she caused the time loop.

[musical sting]

Kirzen: Wait, you think?

[music starts]

Liisphyra: You said she’s a sorcerer, right? When you got stuck in the time trap, you started spending all of your time in the library, trying to figure out how to get out of it. You think if a powerful magic-caster found themselves stuck in a time trap, they’d spend their days entering a pie-making competition over and over again?

[music stops]

Kirzen: [realizes] She’s trying to win the competition.

[musical sting]

Liisphyra: That’s what I’m thinking. Mezana lost on the first day, stormed off, [music starts] and somehow managed to make the day repeat. She returned to the competition with a new pie, hoping things would change, but she still lost. Every day she tries a new pie, hoping the new one will help her get first prize, and every time she loses, she makes the day repeat!

[music stops]

Kirzen: Wow. Okay, so, now what? I can’t stop Mezana. She’s super powerful, and the most magic I have is a bunch of expired potions.

Liisphyra: Do you have a head mage in your town, someone you could try to explain this to?

Kirzen: [groans] She’s out of town until tomorrow. And her second-in-command can barely cast a pyroturgy spell without setting himself on fire. Sorry, Beadie, if you’re listening. You have your strengths.

Liisphyra: Okay, so we just wait for her to come back tomorrow.

[oboe makes “whomp whomp” sound]

Oh. Right. No, that won’t work.

Kirzen: Plus, even if someone powerful enough to face her could get here in time, who knows how quickly Mezana could just reset the time loop?

Liisphyra: Okay. So, we’re assuming Mezana keeps repeating the day until she wins the pie contest, right?

Kirzen: Right.

Liisphyra: So…you just need to make sure she wins!

[musical sting]

Kirzen: How? I don’t think she’s the best baker. One time she brought over these cookies that she said would make me float off the ground, but they were not good. Really salty and hard to chew.

Liisphyra: Did you float, at least?

Kirzen: Nope. Feet stayed firmly on the ground. Which was weird, because she is a very skilled magic-caster.

Liisphyra: But definitely not a good baker, hm.

Kirzen: So I don't know how I’d manage to make her pie taste better than everyone else’s.

Liisphyra: Or…[music starts] you just make sure everyone else’s pies taste worse.

Kirzen: You mean like…ruin the pies?

Liisphyra: Look, I hate the idea of messing up a perfectly good pie as much as the next person, but this is an emergency, right? I think the other contestants would forgive us for doing what we can to get them out of this time trap. They can have a redo competition once we’re out of it.

Kirzen: Okay…so how can I mess up the pies?

Liisphyra: What’s the worst-tasting thing you have in your house that’s still safe to consume?

Kirzen: Um…I have an overripe poppymelon I’ve been meaning to toss. That’s gotta be really sour.

Liisphyra: Good, what else?

Kirzen: Probably have some stale freb milk in the back of my cooling chest.

Liisphyra: Do you have any pepper? And a baster?

Kirzen: Yes and yes.

Liisphyra: Okay, why don’t you go mix all that stuff up, and put it in the baster?

Kirzen: On it. Be right back.

[music ends]

Liisphyra: Yes, Ruvyn, I see you waving, I know, I haven’t done the sponsor yet. We’re in the middle of a time trap, is the sponsor really that important right now? Alright, alright.

We’re gonna hear from our sponsor, and when we come back, well…we’ll see if we can sabotage this pie-making contest and get Grevelon out of this time trap. Weird sentence. But first, a word from our sponsor.

Sponsor:

[menacing]

There are beings who lurk in the night.

[animal growl]

Creatures of shadow.

[monster growl]

Those who only emerge under the cover of darkness.

[howl]

[upbeat]

And when you’re one of those beings, it can be a struggle finding a school that fits your nocturnal schedule.

That’s why Backenkatz Academy of Magic is now offering night classes! From accounting to zombie studies, Backenkatz has the courses to help you take your education to the next level (after sundown, of course). Grab a desk after dusk and spend the witching hour learning from some of Grevelon’s greatest instructors.

Voice 1: I really wanted to study Cursed Art History, but I can’t go outside when the sun’s out. With Backenkatz night classes, I can finally leave my home to get an education without experiencing a feeling akin to a thousand hot pokers burning my skin.

Voice 2: My wings only sprout when I’m touched by moonlight, which makes it difficult for me to commute long distances during the day. Now that I’m taking night classes at Backenkatz, I can easily fly to school and get my Potions degree!

Voice 3: Thanks to Backenkatz’s night classes, I can take classes at night while still being able to pursue my passion of sleeping during the day! I’m gonna be a landscape architect. [pause] Can landscape architects sleep during the day?

Sponsor: We at Backenkatz also understand the importance of socializing with your classmates. Which is why we’re now offering a variety of nighttime activities for our nocturnal students. Check out our midnight recreational vineball league, or join our outdoors club for a 2am hike through the foggy moors. Don’t forget your moonscreen!

Be you a vampire, werewolf, werebear, werearmadillo, or any other creature of the night, there’s a place for you in the Backenkatz family. So fill out your application today, and we’ll see you tonight.

Liisphyra: 

[musical sting]

Aaaand we’re back, with Dear Liisphyra. We’ve got Kirzen on the vine, now calling from her speaking sprout. Kirzen, are you still there?

Kirzen: [out of breath] I’m here. I had to run to try to get here before the judging, but I’m here at the pie-making competition. [groans] But someone’s guarding the backstage area where the pies are being kept.

Liisphyra: We’ve gotta get you back there…okay. Is there a way for you to listen to me on the speaking sprout without the other person noticing?

Kirzen: Uh, yeah, I can tuck it into my hair by my ear.

Liisphyra: Okay, do that, then repeat everything I say.

Kirzen: Got it. Just don’t talk too loudly.

Liisphyra: [whispers] Okay.

[Tugbeck begins playing sneaky music]

Guard: Only contestants are allowed backstage.

[Tugbeck starts playing a cowbell]

Liisphyra: [whispers] Shh, Tugbeck!

[music stops]

Kirzen: Shh, Tugbeck!

Liisphyra: [whispers] No, not you!

Kirzen: No, not you!

Guard: Excuse me?

Liisphyra: [whispers] I’m the health inspector.

[sneaky music restarts sans cowbell]

Kirzen: I’m the health inspector.

Liisphyra: [whispers] I need to go backstage to inspect the pies before judging.

Kirzen: I need to go backstage to inspect the pies before judging.

Guard: No one told me about this.

Liisphyra: [whispers] Who’s your boss?

Kirzen: Who’s your boss?

Guard: Fila.

Liisphyra: [whispers] Yes, I spoke to Fila yesterday about coming.

Kirzen: Fila told me to come.

Liisphyra: [whispers] Don’t improvise.

Kirzen: Sorry.

Guard: No, you don’t gotta apologize, but, I think I should check with Fila–

Kirzen: Wait!

Liisphyra: [whispers] Tell him that every second that passes is another second that someone could accidentally eat a contaminated pie. Is that a risk you’re willing to take?

Guard: Are you okay?

[music stops]

Kirzen: Yeah, I just have a lot of words in my head right now and I can’t remember all of them. What if [sneaky music starts] I give you two gold ryn coins?

Guard: Oh, yeah, that’s fine. They don’t pay me enough for this anyway.

[coins clink]

Guard: Go on in.

Kirzen: Thank you!

Liisphyra: Huh. That works, too.

[music stops]

Kirzen: Okay, I’m inside. [music starts] Thank Ozira, no one else is back here.

Liisphyra: Do you know which pie belongs to Mezana?

Kirzen: Yeah, they’re all labeled.

Liisphyra: Great. Time to break out the baster and add the special ingredient to the other pies.

Kirzen: Already on it.

Announcer: Contestants, please retrieve your pies and bring them to the stage for judging.

Liisphyra: Uh oh. Better hurry up.

Kirzen: I’m almost done. I can just tell them I’m the health inspector if they catch me in here.

Liisphyra: Except if Mezana catches you, she’s gonna know you’re aware of the time loop. Who knows what else she might do?

Kirzen: Good point. Aaaaand that is Fibbly Jonzeran’s pie. [music stops] I gave him a little extra, since he always wins.

Liisphyra: Good thinking. Now get out of there!

Kirzen: Way ahead of you. I ducked out the back just as they started coming in.

Liisphyra: Well, that’s all we can do for now.

Kirzen: Yup. You know, I still can’t figure out why I seem to be the only other person unaffected by the time loop. It doesn’t seem like Mezana did it on purpose.

Liisphyra: I’ve been thinking about that, too. [music starts] You said you recently moved in, right?

Kirzen: Right.

Liisphyra: And all your potions expired.

Kirzen: Yeah.

Liisphyra: And your speaking plant barely works in your house.

Kirzen: That’s why it was so cheap, yeah.

Liisphyra: Have you been able to use any magical item inside of your new home?

[music stops]

Kirzen: Uh…huh. I guess not. The only other magic item I had was my enchanted broom, but it broke during the move.

Liisphyra: Did it break, or has it just not worked inside this house?

[musical sting]

Kirzen: Oh. [pause] Oh.

[music starts]

Liisphyra: I think your home might’ve been built on top of tirganite. I read about it a few years ago. It’s this type of rock that has magic-dampening abilities. Usually it’s in such small amounts that it doesn’t affect magic on the surface. But seeing how magic doesn’t work in your house, it sounds like maybe you’re living on a whole pile of it!

[music stops]

Kirzen: That makes so much sense. [music starts] The speaking plant, the potions–

Liisphyra: Those enchanted cookies Mezana brought you that didn’t make you float. And it’s probably why you weren’t affected when she cast the spell to initiate the time trap. You were safe at home when she did it!

Kirzen: Wait, [music stops] if the spell didn’t affect anything in my home, why do my groceries disappear every morning?

Liisphyra: Oh. Forgot about that. Wait! [musical sting] Didn’t you say your kitchen is the only place you get reception on your speaking plant?

Kirzen: That’s right. So maybe the kitchen is the only part of the house that’s not built on the t-tirgo…tiger…

Liisphyra: Tirganite.

Kirzen: Right, that. Fascinating. Oh, they’re announcing the winner.

Announcer: In first place [drumroll]…Mezana and her juyberry pie.

[crowd applauds]

Kirzen: She won!

Liisphyra: Does she look suspicious at all? If she senses anything is different other than her own pie–

Kirzen: She seems too thrilled to notice anything other than the trophy she’s holding. I think we did it.

Liisphyra: If not, you can always call back tomorrow-today, and we’ll try again.

Kirzen: Sounds like a plan. But [music starts] I have a good feeling tomorrow’s gonna be a new day. And when the head mage returns, I’ll fill her in on what happened. Thank you, Liisphyra–for helping with the time trap, and also for teaching me about the tirga…the magic-dampening rock.

[music stops]

Liisphyra: Happy to help, any time! [musical sting] No pun intended.

Kirzen: Goodbye!

Liisphyra: Bye!

Well, that was exciting. Hopefully that’ll be the last time this day happens. That’s a weird sentence.

And Tugbeck! You did such an awesome job! If you ever need a recommendation, you’ve got one from me. [musical sting] Maybe just lay off the cowbell. [low oboe note] It’s a little jarring. But other than that, an excellent performance! [slightly higher oboe note]

Well, I think we’re long past due to wrap up. Hopefully the frizzy bees don’t mind us cutting into their time slot. Thank you for listening to Dear Liisphyra. Next up is the buzz of frizzy bees flying around their nest, which will likely be significantly less dramatic than what we just broadcast.

I’ll talk to you all again real soon–but hopefully not too soon; tomorrow’s my day off, so long as today doesn’t repeat again. But in the meantime, keep your chin up, and…live every day like it’s the one you’ll be stuck repeating for an indeterminate amount of time. Bye!

[farewell musical sting]

[outro theme]

Nicole: Thank you for listening to Dear Liisphyra, which was created, written, and edited by Katie Siegel. Liisphyra was voiced by Katie Siegel. Kirzen was voiced by Jazmynn Perez. The Sponsor was voiced by Oren Merhav and Katie Siegel. And I’m Nicole. Hi!

If you enjoy the show and want to help it grow, please take a minute to leave a kind review on Apple Podcasts. You can also rate the podcast on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. If you do, Katie will thank you today, and tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that, etcetera.

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For more Dear Liisphyra, check it out @DearLiisphyra on TikTok. You can also follow @DearLiisphyra on Twitter and Instagram. Or don’t, live your life. Bye!