usCOUNTER/Weight 25: You Can Call Me Captain
Transcriber: TakumaOkada, @takuma_okada_
Beckie/Orchidlance, @Orchidlance (36:31 to 1:08:05)
Kate Nepveu, knepveu@steelypips.org (1:08:05 to 1:15:17)
thedreadbiter (1:15:17 to end)
AUSTIN (NARRATOR): It’s been five years exactly since they last spoke face to face, there on the boardwalk of Vox’s largest city, in the warmth of a sea breeze, lost together in the murmuring wave of the most patriotic of revellers.
[intro theme: The Long Way Around starts playing, low synth and piano]
AUSTIN (as IBEX): It’s heavy, is what it is.
AUSTIN (NARRATOR): The veteran’s voice trailed away, and he thought about how unfair it all was, what a miserable responsibility to give to someone so young. He sipped at his drink, a glowing concoction of red and blue, a little umbrella with the colors of the Diasporan flag. Very patriotic. And Quentin — no, Jerboa, now his name was Jerboa, he reminded himself — he mirrored the action of his role model, eyes wide as the alcohol touched his young tongue.
AUSTIN (as IBEX): But don’t worry, little man, you can carry that weight.
AUSTIN (NARRATOR): Jerboa smiled.
AUSTIN (as IBEX): And hey, you got a good one. Detachment is… It’s like a falcon.
AUSTIN (NARRATOR): Confusion.
AUSTIN (as IBEX): Oh, uh, a falcon, it’s a bird, a big bird. Wide wings.
AUSTIN (NARRATOR): He gestured. His arms stretched out, his body menacing and beautiful. The tourists on the boardwalk automatically cleared space for him without knowing why, whistling their nationalistic hits. Sharp talons, incredible speed, a fierce hunger. Fireworks blossomed above them, punctuating this metaphor. Jerboa tilted his head under the erratic light.
AUSTIN (as JERBOA): If Detachment is a falcon, then what’s Righteousness?
AUSTIN (NARRATOR): Ibex resisted the mechanistic urge to bite his tongue.
AUSTIN (as IBEX): Oh, Quentin.
AUSTIN (NARRATOR) He ran his hand down his little brother’s fresh fade.
AUSTIN (as IBEX): It’s a vulture, man. It’s a fucking vulture.
[end intro music]
AUSTIN: Welcome to Friends at the Table, an actual play podcast focused on critical world-building, smart characterization, and fun interaction between good friends. We are as always presented by StreamFriends.tv and Runbutton.net. We are continuing our play of The Sprawl by Hamish Cameron, who sent us some tweets again [ALI laughs] today, which was very nice. Hey Hamish. We’re very close to this game coming out now, my understanding is, so look for it? Look for it by name, is that what people say? [ALI laughs]
ART: Ask for it by name.
AUSTIN: Ask for it by name. Joining me today—
ART: Look for it by anything, right? Anything you’ll use to recognize it, color...
AUSTIN: Title, [ALI laughs] probably, is the most likely thing.
ART: Cover, like, just the cover art.
AUSTIN: I guess, I don’t know what — I still haven’t seen the cover, I need to look it up. Uh, the agenda as always is to make the Sprawl dirty, high-tech, and excessive, to make the big things bigger and the small things smaller, to fill the characters’ lives with action, intrigue, and complication, to entangle the characters in the Sprawl, and to play to find out what happens. Art, where can people find you?
ART: They can find me on Twitter @atebbel.
AUSTIN: Ali?
ALI: They can find me on Twitter @ali_west.
AUSTIN: Keith!
KEITH: You can find me on Twitter @keithjcarberry or on Youtube at youtube.com/runbutton.
AUSTIN: And Jack.
JACK: You can find me on Twitter @notquitereal, and at the studio I write for called Crows Crows Crows.
AUSTIN: I’m gonna go over our personal directives and our mission directives, and then we’ll pick back up where we were last time.
Aria, you get XP when you value heroism over the mission. You get XP when you — when your desire for fame des — draws unwanted attention to the mission.
AuDy, whenever you discover more information about the cause of your sentience, mark experience, and when you follow the Laws of Robotics and they hinder the mission, mark experience.
Mako, when your lies about your identity or your past put the mission at risk, mark experience, and when adhering to your persona hinders the mission, mark experience. Did you ever think up a new one of those? ‘Cause I know you’d mentioned that…
KEITH: No, I’m still..
AUSTIN: Okay. Well, after this adventure maybe. That would be—
KEITH: Yeah.
AUSTIN: —a good time to make that switch. And Cass, when your former membership in the Apostolosian royalty hinders the mission, mark experience, and when you put the advice of Koda ahead of the mission, mark experience. You might also want to rethink those, or reframe them a little bit maybe?
ART: Sure.
AUSTIN: Uhh, your mission directives were, the first two were: take the job and get paid in advance, and launch the Kingdom Come into space. Good job, you did those! Remaining: get past Detachment and complete the job and escape Counterweight.
So, the last time that we were playing, we were under a different set of fireworks, and those were the fireworks of the ten-year anniversary celebration of the, the kind of truce at the end of the Golden Branch War. As the Kingdom Come lifted up into space, or in, at least lifted up into the lower atmosphere, I guess, right? You had set up a, uh… You had bought a tarp and had figured out a time in which you could lift up without being noticed. And I, and I think you basically have no problem getting up and out of the lower atmosphere of Counterweight.
Once you kind of fly up past the fireworks — and again I kind of imagine in the show of this there’s lots of like, the fireworks going off intermingled with shots of you all inside — and once you get into the upper atmosphere, um, that’s where we’re, we’re gonna pick up. Can you, can I just find out where everyone is on the Kingdom Come right now?
JACK: [amused] I’m flying it with Orth, from the cockpit.
AUSTIN: Okay.
KEITH: I’m sleeping in a weird closet.
AUSTIN: Right. Your normal weird closet, not a different... [ALI laughs]
KEITH: Yeah yeah, it is normal to find me in this closet, sleeping, if anyone would ever go to the weird closet.
AUSTIN: Okay.
ART: I think Cass is in the, is in the, the cockpit, because he[1] did the research on Detachment, he’s like..
AUSTIN: Sure.
ART: Hey, do that. Don’t do that. We’re about to blow up! Ahhhh!
AUSTIN: Okay.
ALI: Umm, I think Aria and Jacqui are in the hangar and she’s like—
JACK: Oh my god.
ALI: —showing off the Brilliance.
AUSTIN: Okay. Uh, Aria then, um…
ART: OH my god.
ALI: What?! [laughs]
AUSTIN: [laughs] I guess like... So two things happen at once. First, a signal comes in and says, uhh..
AUSTIN (as MINERVA STRATEGIC): Attention, unidentified ship, this is Minerva Strategic. I don’t see anything on our docket that says uh, we should have a clearance for you, can you, can you confirm or deny?
AUSTIN: And then Ali, [laughs] you lift off the ground.
ALI: Ohh! Okay.
AUSTIN: Cause you’re not strapped into anything right now.
ALI: Right.
AUSTIN: Keith, you probably also, Mako also lifts off the ground but he’s asleep.
KEITH: Yeah, bonk my little head on the wall?
AUSTIN: Yeahh. Bop! AuDy—
JACK: Oh jeez.
AUSTIN: —and Cass, what do you do in the cockpit?
JACK: Are we, are we in a tractor beam?
AUSTIN: No, no, but you’re just getting, you’re getting like a communication.
JACK: Okay. Um. Well! I’ve leveled up.
AUSTIN: Oo. Did you? What’d you get? What was your—
JACK: I decided that it was high time that AuDy learned how to fast talk.
[multiple people laughing]
AUSTIN: Did you?
JACK: So I’ve picked Ice Man.
AUSTIN: What’s that do?
JACK: It means that whenever I roll Fast Talk, I roll Cool instead of Style.
AUSTIN: Ah, that’s useful, you have a 2 Cool. [laughs] Alright, give me a—
KEITH: AuDy is too cool!
AUSTIN: AuDy is too cool. Give me a uh a Fast Talk.
JACK: Oh, am I going to do it? Okay, sure. Yeah, I’ll do it!
AUSTIN: Yeah! I mean, if you, if that’s, it sounds like you’re going to reply to this guy who’s like, “Hey, are you, are you here—
JACK: Uh, yeah—
AUSTIN:—like what’s, what are you doing?”
JACK: —sure, okay. I’m going to roll this…
AUSTIN: What are you saying? What are you, tell me what you do before you roll.
JACK: Um, okay, so I think I come online and I say…
JACK (as AUDY): This is Automated Dynamics of the Kingdom Come. We are authorized to fly here.
AUSTIN: Oh. Okay, give me a— [ART and ALI laugh] give me a Fast Talk.
ART: That’s not a Fast Talk!
AUSTIN: That’s a, yeah.
JACK: Look, I’m not rolling Style.
AUSTIN: That’s, that’s true.
JACK: Okay!
AUSTIN: That’s a partial success. So on a 7-9 on a Fast Talk, the NPCs will do what you want, but someone will find out.
JACK: Oh, that seems — that seems appropriate.
AUSTIN: Mhm. Let’s see, which clock do I want to advance? Uh, lemme pull up the clocks really quick. Let’s go over those really quick for the, for the listener who… Oh, come back here. There we go. Your legwork clock is at 4, your action clock is at 2, or it’s at 18:00. So again, your legwork clock is at 22:00.
Uh, Petrichor Automedia, formerly SnowTrak, formerly EarthHome, is at 22:00.
The Hands of Grace are at 21:00.
The Rapid Evening is at 18:00.
The Righteous Vanguard, which is an amalgamation of Liberty and Discovery Automatic Corp, the Vox government, and the September Institute, is at 23:00.
The Odamas Fleet is at 18:00.
Minerva Strategic Alliance is at 18:00, except it’s about to go up to 21:00.
And The Golden Branch Demarchy is at 15:00. Counterweight’s Angels have been crossed off this clock map.
ALI: Oh?
AUSTIN: Because they are dead.
ALI: What?
AUSTIN: Well, we talked about that last week.
ALI: Yeah.
AUSTIN: Sort of. We kind of—
KEITH: Umm..
AUSTIN:—hinted at it last week, maybe—
ALI: Wait a minute. They’re—
AUSTIN:—maybe I should, maybe I should make that subtext text?
ALI:—they’re The Gambit again. Right?
AUSTIN: No no no, that was The Weightless. Counterweight’s Angels was the group that—
KEITH: That—
AUSTIN: —Jamil was partially working with—
ALI: Ohh.
AUSTIN: —because they were a subdivision of The Rapid Evening. And because—
KEITH: They put us on TV sometimes.
AUSTIN: They put you on TV sometimes, and sometimes they put people you didn’t like on TV instead of you, and they were clearly trying to influence the development of Counterweight. And then, as part of our faction game, Rigour, from, from what is now Petrichor Automedia, in control of that group, got information about who was in the Rapid Evening and has been kind of slowly killing those people. Those of them who at least couldn’t get away. But any sort of like, permanent cells have been disrupted, including—
JACK: Rigour, now piloted by—
AUSTIN: Natalya.
JACK: Natalya.
AUSTIN: Natalya Greaves. Correct. We need a — we need a Wiki. [AUSTIN and ALI laugh]
KEITH: We do, real bad.
AUSTIN: I’ve been saying this. Alright, so. So I’ve advanced—
KEITH: I can’t— our action clock’s already at two, how did that happen?
AUSTIN: Uh, you advanced your legwork clock very high. That was a mistake. Um, and—
JACK: We did a lot of legwork.
AUSTIN: —failed some, some key rolls. But also, this would be a good time for those of you who have pre-action phase moves to make them. The guy at the, on the other, on the other end of the communication, AuDy, says like—
AUSTIN (as MINERVA STRATEGIC): Ah, mm, pfsh, I don’t see you here, it must have been a mistake, I’ll, you know, I’ll file the report, make sure the higher-ups take notice, but uh, but yep, great. Go on.
JACK (as AUDY): You do that.
AUSTIN: Does anyone want to make a move before we continue?
ART: I have like, all of my pre-mission [JACK laughs] moves that we kinda like smoothed over—
AUSTIN: Mm-hm.
ART: —after Aria took a lot of time getting killed to get, to get laid. [ALI laughs]
AUSTIN: That didn’t happen yet, but sure. What’s up? What sort of moves?
ART: I was there. I know what happened. [ALI and AUSTIN laugh]
AUSTIN: She got laid out. That happened. But.
ALI: Yes.
JACK: And then about four people died.
AUSTIN: Yeah.
ALI: Nnghaah…
AUSTIN: So wait, what’s, what are you — what moves are you gonna make, Art?
ART: I mean, I really want to do I Love it When a Plan Comes Together, which is just the one that gives me the hold?
AUSTIN: Yep, so, so tell me how you’re doing that, though, what’s the — what is the plan going up into Detachment?
ART: Uh, well that’s one where I don’t have to assign people tasks.
AUSTIN: Oh, that’s good.
ART: But like I guess it’s, it’s the A-Team one, right? It’s the like, “Whoa, I was here the whole time,” or—
AUSTIN: Right. So, so—
ART: — “we’ve got a rocket launcher.”
AUSTIN: —right, so go ahead and roll that.
KEITH: This is the, “protagonist whispers his plan” move [JACK laughs].
ART: So I get one hold anyway, but my opponent’s predicted my every move, and you will advance the legwork clock.
AUSTIN: Which will [JACK groans] in turn increase the action clock. Uh, alright let’s, let’s talk about — tell me what this planning looks like. Or like what the—
ART: It’s like the Ocean’s 11 planning stage, right? It’s the like, we’re gonna go, you know, it’s like, it’s just telling — it’s basically telling the audience what they do know, right? It’s like—
AUSTIN: Yes.
ART: —this is, we’re gonna fly into orbit, and when uh, when Detachment becomes a problem we’re gonna flash the satellites and just, go on right through. But like what it really is like that that scene fades out while he’s still talking, and all the weird stuff that happens in this is like what I said after the fade out right?
AUSTIN: Right. And in this case, I think it’s like, the way I think this shows, is like the first — you do that whole, like the whole routine of like, “First we’re gonna do this, and then we’re gonna do this, and then, and then, you know, we’ll get away.” And then, whatever, whatever the first step was, was like, “Well, we know that there’s, you know, clear airspace from this time to this time.” And the second you get — like the second the, the little thing stops, it’s like AuDy turns to you — or, you know, I guess Orth is there so he [JACK laughs] can do this, he goes—
AUSTIN (as ORTH): Uhh, guys, this, this airspace does not look clear. I think those are, I think those are Horizon ships?
ART: Oh, see, the cut that I liked was like we do that scene and we fade out and it’s uh, we just fade up on Horizon or whatever and they’re all like—
AUSTIN: Yeah.
ART: — “So this is what they’re good at doing,” and like they—
AUSTIN: [AUSTIN and ALI laughing] That’s really good! Yeah—
ART: —have our exact plans on like a PowerPoint slide?
AUSTIN: —okay, let’s do that. It’s, yeah, I actually like that a lot. It’s, it’s a Horizon character you’ve seen and dealt with before, actually, it’s Adler, who is, who is one of the only people left [amused] from the original Horizon Tactical Squad before you killed the rest.
She is, she is in a… I think Horizon’s in a weird place now because this pirate fleet has kinda taken them over, so what had previously been this like, strict military contractor is now this kind of like, loosey goosey mercenary unit? And so I think that they kind of have just like, stolen and second- and third-hand junk ships? But are also maybe a little more flexible for it, right?
And Adler is, is doing pretty well in her new role, which is actually weird cause she just got reassigned to the Green Squad, which had been [AUSTIN and ALI laugh] uhh, why am I blanking on her name — Jacqui’s, Jacqui Green’s squad. And yeah, I think she’s, she’s the one who we get like doing a PowerPoint plan, or a PowerPoint slide presentation of the thing you just said. And then we just get their ships sliding into the Kingdom Come’s field of vision. It’s only a couple of them but they’re pretty big.
Also, AuDy, you can see that a new comm — like, there’s noise on [car honking in the distance, how rude] the comm channel that you were just on with Minerva Strategic.
Do you want to make your other roll, Art, before we continue?
ART: That’s not a roll, that’s just, I have to assign people actions—
AUSTIN: Oh, right. Well, what are—
ART: —and do we have, I don’t know that we have that clear a plan.
AUSTIN: Good question. Y’all talk amongst yourselves.
ART: Like, what, I mean we have that, we have the satellite thing, that’s a Mako thing, right, like—
KEITH: I can do that.
ART: —Mako has to, has to… Fog the, the satellite components of—
ALI: Right.
AUSTIN: Of Detachment, right?
ART: Of Detachment. I guess AuDy has to, has to help us not die. [ALI laughs]
AUSTIN: [Laughing] Give me something more specific than that.
JACK: Great!
ART: By — have us not die by flying the ship.
AUSTIN: Okay. Where?
JACK: Oh, I have that dark-space kind of smuggler transport thing?
AUSTIN: You do.
JACK: That combination of lights.
ART: Where are we — where is our destination?
AUSTIN: Orth proposed just getting out of, of Counterweight. I’m gonna pull up the, the — oh, you’re already on that map, I was on the clock. Getting out of Counterweight’s orbit and heading towards September, where he believes you’ll be able to find weapons to fight Righteousness.
ART: Alright, we don’t know—
AUSTIN: Or—
ART:—if that’s just complete nonsense.
AUSTIN: Right.
ART: Okay.
AUSTIN: You don’t know that.
ART: Right. I don’t know that. [ALI starts giggling through this exchange]
AUSTIN: In fact you probably have a good belief that it is.
ART: Right, yeah, that sounds like a great plan.
AUSTIN: That’s the group that kills fucking Divines.
ART: Yeah.
JACK: Ah…
ART: And I, yeah. Ugh.
AUSTIN: But we can decide that — he was basically like—
AUSTIN (as ORTH): That’s one way we could do this.
AUSTIN: But then kind of said, well, we can figure out the rest of it, we have to get off Counterweight now, because if we don’t, uh-oh.
ART: Right, and that’s the plan. That’s the plan I give AuDy, right, that’s just, get out of here.
AUSTIN: Okay. But I wanted to be clear about that because like just in case… That’s not like turn this ship around and save people. That would now be—
ART: No, it’s not.
AUSTIN: —against the plan. Okay.
ART: It’s, it’s save these, save us people. We’re the people that need saving.
AUSTIN: No no no. But it’s get out of here, it’s not almost get away and then turn around. Maybe this won’t even come up. But like, is his mission to escape? Or is his mission to escape with everybody? Do you know what I mean? Like is he a getaway driver?
ART: His mission is to escape with this ship and as many of us— [ALI laughs]
AUSTIN: Okay.
ART: He needs to get, he needs to be where the majority of us are.
AUSTIN: Okay. That’s—
ART: He needs to get most of us.
AUSTIN: —that’s an important, right. So like in other words, if he decided to cut and run at this point, he wouldn’t get that benefit.
ART: Right.
AUSTIN: Okay. So that’s, that’s two.
ART: 50% plus one. Of us.
AUSTIN: Aria? Does Aria have a plan? [JACK laughs] Or does Aria have a point in this plan?
ART: Yeah, uh, stay safe. Try not to, [ARIA and JACK laughing] try not to get shot.
AUSTIN: Okay!
ALI: I will try to do that.
ART: You know, rest up. Have a good, have an easy, safe day out there.
ALI: Actually, before we start proper, can I apply First Aid to myself? Cause my harm is still two, so.
AUSTIN: Sure. You can definitely try that.
ALI: I’m gonna roll that real quick—
AUSTIN: How are you applying, what does that look like for us?
ALI: I don’t know, we have like a medbay on the ship—
AUSTIN: Mm-hm.
ALI: —but like other people are busy so I’m probably like, changing the bandages that Cass gave me.
AUSTIN: Okay. Okay, that sounds good.
ALI: And that’s a succeed. So I am—
AUSTIN: That is a succeed.
ALI: —back to health!
AUSTIN: Yeah, you go from, because you were at what, 21:00?
ALI: I was at 18:00, and now it goes to—
AUSTIN: Oh! Awesome.
ALI: —so I’m back to…
AUSTIN: Nice. You’re back to good. Okay. So, let’s talk about, is there anybody else? That seems like everybody. I think...
JACK: Yeah, I can’t make any moves before, I can’t make any moves beforehand.
AUSTIN: Okay, let’s, we’re shifting now then into the action phase. [chuckles]
JACK: I guess before —
KEITH: Good thing we only have three tick marks in it already, three clock movements.
AUSTIN: Yep! Yep! I don’t think—
JACK: I guess the only other—
AUSTIN: —you’ve ever gone in with this many tick marks.
KEITH: [overlapping] No, we’ve only ever gone in with one.
ALI: [overlapping] We’ve not.
AUSTIN: Yes.
KEITH: Yep.
JACK: Um, before we start.
AUSTIN: Mhm?
JACK: I’m super super super good at like, shooting and punching people? And I haven’t done that for ages, which I don’t say necessarily because I want to, but because I have a load of skills that mean that I’m good at that.
AUSTIN: Mm-hm.
ALI: Yeah!
JACK: But at the moment, I’m just trying not to crash the ship into anything in space?
AUSTIN: That’s pretty good. It’s actually pretty easy. Like compared to flying on Counterweight, up here—
JACK: Totally.
AUSTIN: —there isn’t much to crash into yet, so that’s good. Uh, there is like a—
JACK: Yeah, super nice.
AUSTIN: —so let me just give you a portrait of, or a landscape of Counterweight’s orbit. Like, it is crammed with like satellite debris. There is, once you’re up here and can see the light bouncing off of it, there is like an artificial ring of, of satellites and destroyed warships, and weird signage, like, it’s just, it’s a weird metal mess up here.
But that’s only on one like, plane, right, so like it’s easy to get away from that stuff, but it does kind of divide the planet in half in a weird way, to where there are points where like it’s so dense that you literally can’t see Counterweight through it. The other side of Counterweight, the side of Counterweight that we’ve never seen on the map, is literally behind this, this kind of wall of debris.
But yeah, so there are three Horizon Tactical Solutions ships coming into view on the Kingdom Come’s screen. Also, again, there is a loss of gravity. You don’t have any sort of anti-gravity mechanism on the Kingdom Come. So if you are not strapped down somewhere, you are now floating through the air. What are you doing?
JACK: Um, how, uh, what’s the heading that these Horizon ships are maintaining?
AUSTIN: So two of them are headed in your direction, like they’re headed the same direction — sorry, they’re headed the same direction you’re headed in, like in flanking positions in front of you by, at the current travel rate, they’re going slower than you are so that eventually you will catch up and be between them. The third one is further out than that and larger, it’s probably about three times the size of the Kingdom Come, and is pulling in front of it, like to block off that lane.
JACK: Can Mako hack ships?
KEITH: Yeah, I can hack anything.
AUSTIN: Totally, if there’s, if there’s a connection. At this range, I don’t think there’s a connection yet.
KEITH: Oh, okay.
AUSTIN: But totally, that’s totally a thing that Mako can do.
JACK: Can Mako—
AUSTIN: Mako is asleep in his room, also.
JACK: —hack inside the Queen’s, the second — the modified Queen Rigger?
AUSTIN: Sure, if he can pilot it close enough.
KEITH: Um—
AUSTIN: But again—
KEITH: —I probably stopped sleeping when I bonked my little head.
AUSTIN: Okay. [JACK laughing] But, okay. So where are you now?
KEITH: Um, shuffling along the corridors? If anyone needs me they can grab me.
AUSTIN: Okay. [ALI laughs] How many chairs are there in the cockpit?
JACK: Two.
AUSTIN: Okay, so Cass, you’re standing.
ART: Yeah. Or I guess now—
JACK: Is Cass holding on to just like, stuff?
AUSTIN: I guess? No one—
ART: —there’s probably a door frame, right?
AUSTIN: Yeah. This is all just important information.
JACK: Oh, there’s a — I kind of picture the Kingdom Come’s cockpit area which, we established in Kingdom I think was fairly large?
AUSTIN: Mhm.
JACK: Because Orth had teams of navigators inside the sort of, the bridge. I picture it as like a much smaller, more useless version of the SHIELD helicarrier in the Avengers, where there’s lots of—
AUSTIN: Mm.
JACK: —tiered computer banks and everything. Like rails and things.
AUSTIN: Okay. I was always picturing it way smaller than that, as being like—
JACK: Yeah, but we keep talking about the size of the ship — like originally the ship, I pictured the ship as being fairly small, but now you’re describing it as like warehouse sized?
AUSTIN: Well, I just, once you added the warehouse to the bottom of it. [ALI and KEITH laughing] Yes.
ALI: Well, there was always—
JACK: No, it was big before, because it had to fit the mechs in it.
ALI: Yeah.
AUSTIN: Yeah. It’s the Bebop or the Firefly, right. Like there’s a sizeable hangar that could fit two mechs in it before, now can fit an additional two, and then tight—
JACK: Okay that’s true. Yeah, I can see that.
AUSTIN:—and then like tight corridors, a common space, a medical bay, which was, which is a big deal. That got added when we switched to the Sprawl, because it was part of one of Cass’s moves. Or like the Ebon Hawk, from KOTOR, right? Like, okay, yeah this is, it’s sizeable, there’s enough room to move and breathe here. So maybe not as cramped as like the Serenity.
JACK: Okay, yeah, sure. No, I’m going to re-anti-retcon it, then—
AUSTIN: Okay.
JACK:—so that it’s now smaller [ALI laughs] and there are two seats. Yeah.
AUSTIN: Two chairs. Okay. The other thing the—
KEITH: It could be gigantic and there’s still two seats.
AUSTIN: That’s actually really funny. Yeah.
JACK: Seems like the sort of thing that this ship would do. [ALI laughs]
AUSTIN: [Laughs] Yeah. So yeah, so what do you, what is the group doing? What are you doing? Do you grab Mako?
JACK: Yeah, I think I’m going to call Mako to the bridge.
AUSTIN: Is there like a, an intercom system?
JACK: No, I think that AuDy just leans over their shoulder [ART, ALI, and AUSTIN laugh] and just shouts Mako’s name into the body of the ship several times.
KEITH (as MAKO): Yeah, what’s up?
JACK (as AUDY): Ah, please come to the bridge.
KEITH (as MAKO): Ahh, yeah, okay.
JACK: Aw man, I bet everybody in this ship is moving like the astronauts in the Martian now and that they’re sort of swimming through the anti-gravity spaces.
AUSTIN: Who has, who here has lots of experience in anti-gravity, character-wise—
KEITH: Umm.
AUSTIN:—not player-wise.
KEITH: Oh, character-wise? Oh, then never mind. [Laughs at own joke]
JACK: None of us, right? I don’t think?
AUSTIN: I totally…
JACK: Cass maybe?
AUSTIN: I’m just curious.
ART: Cass maybe? That might be part of —
JACK: Oh, Orth?
ART: — of basic space war training? Like.
AUSTIN: Yeah, I think Orth had some in the last war, maybe? Cass probably did too.
KEITH: AuDy’s the only one who maybe has never been off the planet.
AUSTIN: You’ve all been off the planet once.
JACK: We’ve been off the planet once.
ALI: Yeah.
AUSTIN: Because you all went to Weight. You all dropped Aria and that crew off at Weight when you—
ALI: Right.
AUSTIN:—smuggled them that time.
KEITH: Right.
AUSTIN: Which is why we know that the ship can get, this is sort of why we know the ship has the capability to keep oxygen in. [ALI laughs]
JACK: Yeah.
AUSTIN: It’s not, you’re not all just dead immediately, since we already established that.
JACK: Hey, it wouldn’t bother me. I’d be fine.
AUSTIN: Right. We know you can do short travel, that was like the whole question, was like do you need to upgrade the ship so you can go further, do you need to get, you know, to move in these kind of lanes, stuff like that. Alright.
JACK (as AUDY): Okay, I have a proposal here, which is that we kill all the lights on the ship and signal that we have run out of fuel, and essentially just stop in space. Let them approach, deploy Mako, and then just jam on the accelerator.
KEITH (as MAKO): Deploy, like give me to them, and then leave?
JACK (AUDY): No, no. [ALI giggling] We send you out as…essentially a cross between a rearguard and a vanguard to attempt to disable, perhaps disable a Horizon ship?
KEITH (as MAKO): Oh, yeah. Okay.
JACK (as AUDY): Because I assume that these people are here and out to get us. And I don’t feel confident enough in the Kingdom Come’s weapons capacity to fly it directly into a combat situation.
KEITH (as MAKO): I’ll hack whatever, I’ll do whatever sorta, you know, [overlapping] head stuff you need.
JACK (as AUDY): [overlapping] Cass, what do you think?
ART (as CASS): Yeah, I think it’s a bold, it’s a bold attempt, right? They could say like, “Oh their engines ran out, let’s turn them into dust.”
JACK: Oh, how many other ships are there nearby?
AUSTIN: There’s some Minerva Strategic ships, which are kinda the OriCon po—
JACK: Who are not hostile to them?
AUSTIN: Who are not hostile to anybody, as far as you can see, but those are a distance away, closer to the surface at this point.
JACK: Oh, okay. So I was wondering whether or not if we did like a, like an out of fuel mayday we might be able to draw more ships closer to us, which might make an engagement easier?
AUSTIN: Mm. Maybe! You could, that’s a thing you could, that’s a Fast Talk roll, is what that sounds like to me.
JACK (as AUDY): Any objections?
KEITH (as MAKO): [overlapping] No, I’m game for whatever. I’m down for anything.
ART (as CASS): [overlapping] No, but have me and Aria suit up before—
JACK (as AUDY): Sure.
ALI (as ARIA): Yeah.
JACK (as AUDY): Okay.
ART (as CASS):—if this goes bad.
JACK (as AUDY): Everybody, climb into the mechs.
JACK: Oh, and Keith should suit up as well.
AUSTIN: Keith, has Mako ever piloted a Rigger before?
KEITH: Um, there was the time—
AUSTIN: Other than—
KEITH:—when I controlled one with my mind.
AUSTIN: That did happen. But you’ve never, you’ve never sat in one and—
KEITH: I’ve never sat inside of one, no.
AUSTIN: Okay. So this is new for Mako, how’s it feel?
KEITH: Um, it probably feels, it probably was like, really exciting and really exciting the closer he got to it, and then like when he got in, he’s all like—
KEITH (as MAKO): Ah. I just sit here? [Everyone laughs] I just have to like, I just have to like, sit still and down?
AUSTIN: Yep! Okay.
KEITH: So really fidgety, I guess, is how I feel.
AUSTIN: Okay. Make your roll, AuDy. To do this weird uh, this little trick.
JACK: Okay! Right, so what I’m gonna do is, I’m going to kill all the lights on the Kingdom Come, and—
AUSTIN: And again, your intention there is to draw the attention of the—
KEITH: The enemy.
JACK: Neighboring ships.
AUSTIN: Okay. To bring them in.
JACK: Yeah.
AUSTIN: Okay.
JACK: And I’m going to flash the — I’m just finding the move — I’m just going to flash the lights on our wings that usually signal the out of fuel, mayday… thing.
AUSTIN: Okay.
KEITH: Now they’re close enough in, in space to see us through their windshield — [puzzled] windshield?
AUSTIN: Yeah. [ALI giggles]
KEITH: Space…
JACK: Yeah. Yeah, space window.
KEITH: …window?
JACK: Yeah, sure.
AUSTIN: Sensors. Yes.
KEITH: Sure.
AUSTIN: They’re close. But like, you’re not close up. Do you know what I mean? Like mostly they see the HUD element that has you highlighted. You know what I mean?
KEITH: Okay.
JACK: Okay.
AUSTIN: Make your roll.
JACK: Oh gosh! Sure.
AUSTIN: Well, that’s a 7. I get to advance another clock.
JACK: Again. It’s a 7 again.
ALI: Oh boy.
KEITH: Wait wait! Why are we advancing a clock on a 7?
AUSTIN: Because that is the cost of Fast Talk. When you roll a 7 to a 9, the NPC does it but someone will find out. The MC will advance the appropriate countdown clock.
KEITH: Oh, I hate that!
AUSTIN: Mm-hm. [ALI and JACK laugh] Mm-hm!
JACK: That’s bad!
AUSTIN: The voice comes back on, the voice that you had already Fast Talked earlier comes back on, AuDy—
AUSTIN (as MINERVA STRATEGIC): Uhh, Automated Dynamics, is this the Automated Dynamics bot that I spoke to earlier?
JACK (as AUDY): Yes.
AUSTIN (as MINERVA STRATEGIC): This says here you’re out of fuel, is that, is everything okay? Did you not, did you not fuel up before you launched?
JACK (as AUDY): Mistakes were made.
AUSTIN (as MINERVA STRATEGIC): Mistakes were— have you been— Can I speak to the captain of this ship?
JACK (as AUDY): Yes. Hello, this is Automated Dynamics of the Kingdom Come.
AUSTIN (as MINERVA STRATEGIC): Oh Jesus. Can I speak to your owner?
JACK (as AUDY): ...This is Automated Dynamics of the Kingdom Come?
AUSTIN (as MINERVA STRATEGIC): [yells off-camera] Oh my G— Bill! Bill, we have an issue? I think, I think one of those Automated Dynamics, you know the ones? From the new— yeah. I think they stole a ship and they didn’t put the fuel in it, I don’t know what’s going on. Send a team out, send a team out, tell them to be careful. Those things, I don’t know. [to AuDy] Just sit tight, Automated Dynamics. [JACK laughs]
AUSTIN: I’m going to advance the Minerva Strategic Alliance clock. It is at 22:00.
ART: Ugh, I wish that Orth had like kinda had his head on a swivel there. [ALI suppressing laughter]
AUSTIN: You know if AuDy had, had suggested that.
KEITH: Can I see the clocks again?
AUSTIN: Sure! [ALI failing to suppress laughter] I’ll just drag you guys over to the clocks!
JACK: And it’s just fire.
AUSTIN: There you go!
JACK: It’s just, the screen is on fire. [ART laughing]
ART: Yeah, that’s really rude, Austin, [overlapping] to just put a GIF of a burning forest in here.
KEITH: [overlapping] That’s the one where it means that they d…
ART: He asked to see the clock. [ALI still failing to suppress laughter]
AUSTIN: Uh-huh!
KEITH: 22:00 is the one where they deploy their own forces?
AUSTIN: 22:00 is where they deploy, like… local assets.
KEITH: Internal—
AUSTIN: Internal assets. Right, like they’re not—
JACK: Jesus Christ.
AUSTIN: Which, hey! That’s a good news because that’s exactly what AuDy wanted to happen, right?
JACK: Yeah, no, that is true. That’s absolutely true.
AUSTIN: Uh, you see—
KEITH: Oh, so this counts as their deployment. They’re not, okay.
AUSTIN: Yes. Yeah. Cuz they’re not, they’re not… yes. Yes, it’s fine, don’t worry! It’s fine. Everything’s good!
ALI: I mean, but they are—
KEITH: So the consequence is part of the plan in a weird way?
AUSTIN: In a weird way. I guess if he had succeeded, they would have come and there wouldn’t, again, there wouldn’t have been permanent record, right? Like what’s happening now is, is Johnson Jeremiah, who is the guy who you’ve been talking to, made a mark on his thing saying like,
AUSTIN (as JOHNSON JEREMIAH): The Kingdom Come is — it was stolen. Send it up, send it up the thing, Kingdom Come has been stolen, weird.
KEITH: Or something.
AUSTIN: Or something. But like that’s his gut, and he sends that through the records, so, now Minerva Strategic is on the lookout for this ship because something fishy is going on.
KEITH: God, that’s such a, that’s a lot of stuff.
AUSTIN: Uh-huh! [ALI laughing] It’s good!
JACK: Like I don’t know, as a player I’m kinda fine with this because I feel that specifically rolling Cool for Fast Talk instead of Style… I feel that rolling Style for Fast Talk in the best case ends a conversation with everybody going, “Well that went fine,” [AUSTIN laughs] and I feel that kind of thematically rolling.. Sorry, rolling Style for Fast Talk. Rolling Cool for Fast Talk kind of ends with, y’know, maybe this didn’t go so well, but because we rolled Cool we’re gonna try and deal with it.
AUSTIN: We’re just gonna do it. [KEITH laughing]
JACK: Feels like a different sort of Fast Talk to me.
AUSTIN: Yeah, totally.
KEITH: This is a fixer style Fast Talk.
AUSTIN: Right. So now I’m gonna, I’m gonna paint the visual picture here of just like, everyone is equidistant away? So the Minerva ships are going to arrive just as you will arrive to the Horizon Tactical ships? Like, that’s the, that is the speed— I guess, wait, are you stopped, right?
JACK: Yeah yeah.
AUSTIN: Yeah, so I guess the Horizon ships are now slowly moving towards you at the same rate that the Minerva ships are moving towards you. You’re going to be pinned between these two groups. But maybe that, that’ll be a good thing? You do get a message, you do get a, a comm signal comes in from the lead Horizon Tactical ship, uh. One second. Let me look this up. Let me just get a, something good here, let me get a nice random word for this Horizon ship. It’s called the uh, the HTS Eventual. [JACK laughs]
ART: That’s a terrible name.
AUSTIN: It’s a great name. Uh—
KEITH: It’s a slow ship.
AUSTIN: Yeah. It’ll get there, eventually. [ALI laughs] Um, where do we think you get the word, where do you think we get the word eventually from? It’s this ship.
JACK: Right.
AUSTIN: This is a long—
KEITH: This future ship?
AUSTIN: It’s a path, it’s a long time ago. [KEITH laughs] In this galaxy, though.
JACK: In this galaxy.
AUSTIN: It’s actually this one, it’s weird, it’s a — time is a flat circle. You get a comm message coming in.
JACK (as AUDY): This is Automated Dynamics of the Kingdom Come.
AUSTIN (as KERRY ADLER): Automated Dynamics [sighs]. Surprised, but not disappointed to see your face, I’m glad you picked up. This is Kerry Adler, from Horizon Tactical Solutions—
JACK (as AUDY): Oh no.
AUSTIN: [laughs] Do you say that? Or is that—
JACK: Yes.
AUSTIN: Okay.
AUSTIN (as KERRY ADLER): You know we’ve bumped heads before, [amused] I suspect we’re gonna do it again. But, the, the thing is you have a uh, a person that we need on your ship, an agent of ours has gone AWOL, and we need to recover them. There’s also the matter of a debt that our employer notified us about. [JACK and ALI laugh] So, this doesn’t have to be hard. You’re clearly outgunned here. Just, just give us Jacqui Green. Give us the money that, that uh—
KEITH: Oh wait, Jacqui Green is with us? [ALI laughs]
AUSTIN: Oh my god. Yes, Jacqui Green is with you. That was the end of that—
KEITH: I thought that they were just getting drinks, I didn’t realize that this was a move in situation.
AUSTIN: She moved in!
ALI: She like quit her job and decided to move in with us. I don’t know how that happened, but.
AUSTIN: Good roll. It was a good roll [ALI and JACK laugh]. Uh.
ALI: She’s a part of The Chime now, so we… She’s in the fold.
AUSTIN (as KERRY ADLER): There’s, uh. So give us Jacqui Green. Give us the, at least a payment, our employer is insisting on at least the first two months payment for Mako Trig and Aria Joie on the ships, or the, on the Riggers that they purchased.
ART: How about this, we give them Mako and Aria—
KEITH (as MAKO): No, we gave those, we gave all those robots back. [ALI laughs] We gave those back, we don’t owe you any money.
AUSTIN (as KERRY ADLER): You don’t owe us anything, you’re right. We were employed, by Petrichor Automedia, to recover personnel, and Jacqui Green walked away from that mission, and now we need to recover her, and also the money you owe our clients!
KEITH (as MAKO): No we gave the, we gave all the stuff that they want back—
JACK (as AUDY): Please hold.
KEITH (as MAKO): —so you can just tell them that we gave — we’re all square, and everything’s good.
ALI (as ARIA): Yeah I have payment confirmations from those bills.
JACK: Oh Jesus Christ.
KEITH (as MAKO): We have the emails.
AUSTIN: No one’s paid— wait, out of character, Austin, you’ve never paid those bills.
ALI: No.
KEITH: No.
ALI: This is a fence!
AUSTIN: Good. Good good good, making sure.
JACK: I’m gonna, I’m gonna, I’m gonna just hit the mute button on the call, if that’s all right.
AUSTIN: Okay. Okay [ALI laughs].
JACK: And then I’m going to call everybody to the bridge.
ART: Okay, my plan is we dress Aria and Mako up both like Jacqui [everyone laughs] and give them both to these people, and then Cass, AuDy, and Jacqui just start a new life somewhere.
AUSTIN: [laughing] That sounds like a good time. Orth’s there too, that’s a good new game —
ART: Yeah.
AUSTIN: — we’ll just roll that game.
KEITH: Can I, can I create a fake confirmation payment email from Petrichor? Or I guess from uh Snowtrak.
AUSTIN: Yeah, it would have been from, that’s a good catch. That’s good that you noticed that.
KEITH: From Snowtrak.
JACK: Actually wait — oh, no, I don’t know. I was gonna say what if we just hadn’t muted the call,
(36:31)
and they had just heard us all, frantically [AUSTIN, ART, and ALI laugh] arguing in the background, but the repercussions of that are too dangerous—
AUSTIN: Give me—
JACK: —we’ve definitely muted the call.
AUSTIN: Yeah. You know what, give me a Synth roll to do that. Uh, it’s like a — but it’ll be a Synth Fast Talk, is what it’s gonna be.
KEITH: Okay. I actually have a move that, where that is a thing I can do.
AUSTIN: Oh. Do you. What’s the move?
JACK: Oh yeah, yeah. [unintelligible]
KEITH: Uh, it’s uh — uh — when I peer into the matrix with a recognizable avatar — which is, I guess, technically not what is happening here—
AUSTIN: No!
KEITH: Roll Synth instead of Style for Fast Talk, and instead of Edge for Hard— Hardball—
AUSTIN: Right. Okay.
KEITH: When your reputation gets you in trouble, mark experience.
AUSTIN: Well, mark experience.
KEITH: [laughs] Okay. [JACK laughs]
AUSTIN: Uh, but then yeah, like, yeah, give me— give me— Synth instead of uh. [pistol-y noise] Pew! Look at that! Okay!
KEITH: Yeah!
JACK: Oh, what was that?
AUSTIN: It was a 10!
KEITH: A 10!
JACK: Oh wow, 10! Nice!
AUSTIN: To, uh, Fast Talk them here. So yeah, AuDy, Mako produces a, like, a really nice— I think you probably literally [laughs] took the bill that they sent you [KEITH laughs], and just quickly photoshopped it—
KEITH: Turned it— yeah, photoshopped the word “receipt”—
AUSTIN: [laughs] Right! [ALI and AUSTIN laugh] Yes! [laughs] Ohh.
JACK (as AUDY): [sighs] Mako, what is that.
KEITH (as MAKO): It’s when we paid— it’s when Aria and I paid, I paid three-quarters and Aria paid a quarter, ‘cause she couldn’t meet the— it’s fine.
JACK (as AUDY): You have not paid them even a small amount.
AUSTIN: [whispering] Wow!
KEITH (as MAKO): Yeah, no, we did the—
ALI (as ARIA): Yeah! We paid.
KEITH: And I’m winking.
KEITH (as MAKO): And we did the whole thing!
JACK (as AUDY): You’re winking at me.
KEITH (as MAKO): It’s not— it’s still, we— I could still— it’s— no, it’s for— it’s legit, and we uh— [whispering] listen, just send it to them!
JACK (as AUDY): [sighs] Okay, so I’m just gonna open a—
AUSTIN (as JACQUI): That’s not gonna—
AUSTIN: Jacqui Green finally pipes up.
AUSTIN (as JACQUI): That’s not gonna do anything for me, though, that’s—
JACK (as AUDY): Who are you.
AUSTIN (as JACQUI): Um.
KEITH: I also photoshop a certificate of death from Jacqui. [ALI and JACK laugh]. Is that a thing you get, a certificate of death?
AUSTIN: No.
ART: That is a thing—
ALI: Yeah, they like—
JAKC: A [unintelligible] of death certificates.
ART: —you usually don’t get it for murdering someone, though, it’s not like, “Oh, let’s pass it along to the murderer.” [KEITH laughs]
AUSTIN (as JACQUI): Funny thing, I’ve died a bunch of times and I’ve never gotten a certificate of death, it— they’ll know that, just… We can’t— you can’t give me to them.
KEITH (as MAKO): I can— I can make a, a fake obituary?
AUSTIN (as JACQUI): I don’t think that’s gonna—
KEITH (as MAKO): Counterweight Chronicles?
AUSTIN: She is befuddled with you. [ALI laughs] She gives Aria a look. Like—
KEITH (as MAKO): Why are you here?
AUSTIN (as JACQUI): I was invited.
KEITH (as MAKO): Who? Who invited you?
ALI (as ARIA): Don’t worry about it. It’s fine. It’s fine. [laughs]
KEITH (as MAKO): I was asleep.
AUSTIN (as JACQUI): Aria, you run your ship weird.
ALI (as ARIA): This is my crew!
KEITH (as MAKO): It’s not her ship!
JACK (as AUDY): Whose crew?
KEITH (as MAKO): It’s the robot’s ship.
JACK (as AUDY): Hello. [ALI laughs]
ALI (as ARIA): It’s his[2] ship, it’s our crew, it’s everyone’s crew.
AUSTIN (as JACQUI): [overlapping] Automated Dynamics, what are those Horizon Tactical ships—
KEITH (as MAKO): [overlapping] I didn’t know that we had plus-ones, by the way.
AUSTIN (as JACQUI): —coming in— bearing in. What’s up with those?
JACK (as AUDY): Uh, every single person on that ship wishes us dead. This is a situation I am trying to deal with, but I have been handed a crew of incompetents. Um— [KEITH and ALI laugh]
ART (as CASS): Woah!
JACK: [overlapping] And then I guess Automated Dynamics just—
ART (as CASS): [overlapping] There’s a maximum of two incompetent people here! [ALI and JACK laugh]
KEITH (as MAKO): Hold on, who are the two? [ALI laughs]
ART (as CASS): [overlapping] I don’t want to talk about it.
AUSTIN: [overlapping] There is—
JACK (as AUDY): [overlapping] Maybe two.
ALI (as ARIA): [overlapping] It’s not me!
AUSTIN: You know how there’s no sound in space?
KEITH: Yeah.
AUSTIN: But how, like, you can feel vibrations when things, like, shake the ship you’re in? Like, for instance, like, a big cannon shell?
JACK: Have we been shot at or are we being shot at?
AUSTIN: You were shot at. Like, over the bow. From Horizon.
JACK (as AUDY): [sighs] All right, everybody stop talking. I’m about to open communications with Horizon.
JACK: And I just turn round, and I pull out of a drawer next to the cockpit thing, a flatbed scanner. And open the scanner up and put the forged invoice in the scanner.
AUSTIN: [laughs] Good.
JACK (as AUDY): [sighs] Horizon Tactical, Adler.
AUSTIN (as KERRY ADLER): This is Adler.
JACK (as AUDY): Did you shoot at my ship?
AUSTIN (as KERRY ADLER): Yep.
JACK (as AUDY): Why?
AUSTIN (as KERRY ADLER): It was a warning shot.
JACK (as AUDY): Listen, everybody needs time to talk. We’ve been talking. I’m sending you an invoice for the robots. You will see that they’ve already been paid.
AUSTIN (as KERRY ADLER): Uh... Okay. This looks a—
KEITH: Can I frame the guy? Can I have, in the thing, framed the guy, and made it look like he embezzled the money?
AUSTIN: Which—
JACK: Frame Jorn?! [ALI laughs]
KEITH: Yeah, Jorn, that’s the guy.
AUSTIN: [overlapping] Aw. Aw.
JACK: [overlapping] No don’t fr—
KEITH (as MAKO): Jorn tricked me! He came into my hospital bed pretending—
AUSTIN: It was—
JACK (as AUDY): [overlapping] You tricked him!
KEITH (as MAKO): [overlapping] And he wasn’t [unintelligible]!
AUSTIN: What?! [laughs] Yeah, we can’t start—
ALI (as ARIA): He came and visited you ‘cause he was so charmed by you, what?! [laughs]
KEITH (as MAKO): No, no, remember— remember the moment where he was like “You’re good for the money?” And I was like, “Yeah, I’m good for the money,” and then he was like, he like, had a head— he had on a bug and he was like, “Hear that? We got it!” And they left?
JACK (as AUDY): Horizon, Adler?
ART (as CASS): That part where he did his job after you tricked him?
KEITH (as MAKO): Yeah, he tricked me!
AUSTIN: Uh— [sighs] Adler— Adler, like—
JACK (as AUDY): Do you see what I have to deal with?
AUSTIN: She shakes her head.
AUSTIN (as KERRY ADLER): Yeah, I’ve dealt with similar situations.
AUSTIN: Someone behind her goes, “Hey!” [JACK laughs]
AUSTIN (as KERRY ADLER): Yeah okay, you’re good on the robots, I’ll forward this on. Uh.. looks fishy to me, but it’s not my job, someone else will deal with it. What about Jacqui?
JACK (as AUDY): [overlapping] She’s not on the ship—
KEITH (as MAKO): [overlapping] We’ll give you Jacqui!
JACK (as AUDY): Oh, no!
AUSTIN: She is like hiding away from the visual— or is there a visual element to this or is it just audio, I guess?
JACK: I think it’s just audio.
AUSTIN: Okay.
JACK: But yeah, I think I’m mainly concerned by the fact that I said she’s not on the ship, and Mako said, “We’ll give you her.” [ALI, ART, and AUSTIN laugh]
KEITH (as MAKO): I— sorry, what I meant by that is, she’s back on Counterweight—
AUSTIN: [overlapping] Uh-huh? That’s not— nope!
KEITH (as MAKO): [overlapping] —all tied up, in a place.
AUSTIN (as KERRY ADLER): I don’t understand what the problem here is. We don’t have to come to violence. Give us Ja—
JACK (as AUDY): No.
KEITH (as MAKO): Can we go on hold for a second?
AUSTIN: AuDy, give me a, uh—[laughs] give me a while-you’re-driving-style Act Under Fire. Actually, no. Take, uh, every— whoo. I have to think about how damage is going to work with the Kingdom Come.
KEITH: Can I— can, real quick, can we talk about this? Why don’t we give them Jacqui?
AUSTIN: Well, no, you don’t get to— you don’t get to make a move [overlapping] until you get shot here. One second.
JACK: [overlapping] I’ve been ordered to— also, I’m—
AUSTIN: One second, you got shot. I need to be clear [ALI laughs], you said no, and then the Kingdom Come got shot. Uh... So, I need to figure out how I wanna do damage in space. Uh, I think we need— I think we need the Kingdom Come to have its own damage clock. Separate from…
JACK: Oh, good god.
AUSTIN: …from you guys. I know what needs to happen.
JACK: You know, every time clocks arrive in this game it’s the best.
AUSTIN: Everyone who’s not seated needs to do an Act Under Fire immediately.
KEITH: I would like to say that—
JACK: [laughs] Oh my god.
KEITH: —Cass implied very specifically that I was incompetent. All that I did was successfully forge a letter, and Jack has got us shot at two times! [ALI laughs]
ART: I rolled my Act Under Fire.
AUSTIN: Okay.
JACK: Okay. Once we’ve done this I’d ideally—
KEITH: I rolled my Act Under Fire.
JACK: —I’d ideally like to Fast Talk.
AUSTIN: That’d be good. Yep.
JACK: Provided we’re not all dead.
AUSTIN: That’s a good plan. Um... All right, so I’m gonna give the Kingdom Come a point of damage here. Uh, Mako, take one harm.
KEITH: Kay. I’m going to disable their guns.
AUSTIN: First take one harm.
KEITH: I did.
AUSTIN: And then roll the harm move.
KEITH: Um— oh, I’ve never taken— oh, I took harm once before.
AUSTIN: Yeah. So roll 2D6+1.
KEITH: Okay. Um...
AUSTIN: And this is the one where you want it to be nice and low. That’s—
KEITH: Oh— sorry.
AUSTIN: Oh, okay.
KEITH: 7.
AUSTIN: Uh, okay. You— hm... So, 7-9, you either— I get to choose one. You lose your footing, you lose your grip on whatever you’re holding, you lose track of someone or something you’re attending to, or someone gets the drop on you. Uh, and I think it’s the last one. I think you fall and hit your head, and then like when you open your eyes, Larry is there above you, looking down.
AUSTIN (as LARRY): Hey buddy!
KEITH (as MAKO): Hey Lar— hi!
AUSTIN: Everyone hears Mako say “hi” when he hits the ground. Um, what do you want to do, AuDy?
JACK: Um, I want to Fast Talk. With Adler.
AUSTIN: What are you saying, though? Don’t tell me what you want to roll, what are you doing?
JACK: Uh, I’m threatening her.
AUSTIN: Okay, what’s your threat?
JACK: My threat is that we are The Chime, and everything we’ve touched has exploded. [ALI laughs]
ART: So true!
AUSTIN: It is true. Give me the roll. What’s your intention, I guess, actually. What is the thing you want her to do? Before you roll. ‘Cause I wanna be clear that, if it’s something that is possible or not.
JACK: Um... I want her to back down?
AUSTIN: I don’t think you’re going to be able to —
— Fast Talk her into backing down.
JACK: Okay. I want—
AUSTIN: Again, like, this is the— the best example of what I’m doing here is like, this is the fictional positioning thing, it doesn’t matter if you roll a 12 when you’re trying to hit a dragon with a stick, you’re not going to damage it.
JACK: [overlapping] Sure. Right. Exactly.
AUSTIN: [overlapping] You’re not going to talk her out of doing her job. You might be able to talk her into doing it a different way, or something else. Um, I think that, for instance, the thing that Mako did with producing a fictionalized version of a thing that could show that she did her job, was a good example of how to deal with that. You know?
JACK: Yeah. Um...
JACK (as AUDY): Hey, how attached are we to that Queen Custom?
ALI (as ARIA): [laughs] I took the weapons off of it, so— not very. Mako might be disappointed.
JACK (as AUDY): Who wants to shoot it out of an airlock? [ART and ALI laugh]
ART (as CASS): I guess—
KEITH: Oh, I thought I was in the Megalophile.
ALI: Oh. Okay.
AUSTIN: All right, so the plan— this is, I like this plan a lot. Is the plan to offer her this? Is to say, “Listen, we’ll eject this thing, you’ll blow it up, you’ll get to say—”
JACK: Yep.
AUSTIN: Okay.
JACK: With the implication that if she fires on the ship again, this is getting close to Hardball, but I don’t quite think it’s Hardball. But the one that—
AUSTIN: It is.
JACK: Aw, is it?
AUSTIN: It’s getting close, is what I’m saying.
JACK: The one that I was really looking at with Fast Talk was the word “bluster”.
AUSTIN: This is definitely blustering!
JACK: And I think that this is bluster. But I think this is a particular kind of unhinged bluster, based around— it’s not necessarily that we’re going to do something well, it’s just that every single time anybody has ever come into contact with us, it’s been miserable.
AUSTIN: Right. So that’s the part that’s bluster. It becomes Hardball if you’re actually going to follow through on the violence.
JACK: No. Uh, but I— yeah, and that’s this weird thing where I know that as a player, if we had to, it probably would be miserable?
AUSTIN: Right.
JACK: Because we’re playing.
AUSTIN: I guess what I’m saying is, is AuDy sincere in the threat of violence? Or is AuDy being blustery to get what they want?
JACK: I think that if AuDy hadn’t just picked up Iceman, they would be sincere, but I think that now they are beginning to work out that they might be able to lie.
AUSTIN: Okay. Then give me that roll. And also take an experience point for figuring out something about where you came from.
JACK: Oh! Yeah. Also, AuDy has lied before, but they’ve never lied—
AUSTIN: Yes.
JACK: —I think, with this level of direction.
AUSTIN: Mm-hm.
JACK: Um... Okay, so I’m gonna roll Iceman. Fingers crossed!
ART: Ayyy!
AUSTIN: Look at that! Okay.
JACK: It’s a 10!
AUSTIN: Yep! [sighs] Adler says... looks around, like, the ship:
AUSTIN (as KERRY ADLER): Yeah. Okay. Sounds good. Make the ejection, we’ll take the shot, uh— do us a favor? File a loss with Minerva behind you. I wanna make sure all the paperwork looks right. They will follow up, and we will show that we did our job according to the rules. Our bosses will be happy, our clients will be happy... Sounds good. Nice working with you, Automated Dynamics.
JACK (as AUDY): Thank you, Adler.
JACK: And I hit a button, on the thing, and just vent essentially the entire warehouse containing the Queen Custom. And it blows everything in that room, including chairs, tables—
AUSTIN: Right.
JACK: —paperwork— [laughs]
AUSTIN: Good. Out into the—
JACK: Everything just goes out into space.
AUSTIN: It, uh... It floats out there for a few seconds, and then is just like, torn through the chest, and does that like really great, like “crackle crackle crackle”, and then it explodes, and the explosion is quiet, cause it’s space. Um, and Horizon Tactical, their ships begin to dissipate. Minerva is still behind you, though, and is approaching quickly.
JACK (as AUDY): Minerva...
AUSTIN: Are you opening communications again?
JACK: Yeah, I guess so. I was told— like, you know, I wanna make good on what Adler asked us to do.
AUSTIN: Mm-hm. Minerva opens up— or, uh, yeah… Johnson Jeremiah opens up communications when you call.
JACK (as AUDY): We’ve lost a pilot.
AUSTIN (as JOHNSON JEREMIAH): Jesus Christ, what are you doing over there, Automated Dynamics? I demand to speak with a person now!
KEITH (as MAKO): [silly voice] Hello, I’m the captain!
JACK: [overlapping] Oh, Jesus fucking Christ.
AUSTIN (as JOHNSON JEREMIAH): [overlapping] Oh, thank Christ. Who is this?
KEITH (as MAKO): [silly voice] Hi, my name is, um...
AUSTIN: Orth is giving you a death glare.
JACK: Yeah, Orth is just... [JACK and ALI laugh]
ART: You didn’t even have a name!
JACK: Orth is so unhappy. [ALI and AUSTIN laugh]
KEITH (as MAKO): [silly voice] You can call me Captain—…
ART: That’s it?!
AUSTIN (as JOHNSON JEREMIAH): What the fuck?! [ALI and AUSTIN laugh]
JACK: Johnson is having a terrible, terrible day. [laughs]
AUSTIN (as JOHNSON JEREMIAH): We’re boarding. Everyone—
AUSTIN: Cuts off communications—
KEITH: Wait, no no no no—
AUSTIN: —and is moving to surround you at full speed now.
ART: Uh, Cass goes to the back.
KEITH: Uh, okay, I’m gonna— I’m gonna go disable all their doors.
AUSTIN: All your doors or all their doors?
KEITH: All their doors. [AUSTIN sighs]
JACK: No no no no! [laughs] That’s gonna kill em!
KEITH: “No no no no”? They wanna board us! [ALI laughs]
JACK: Yeah, but we don’t wanna blow an entire Minerva division into space!
KEITH: You asked him to go on a hold, and you left him there for fifteen minutes, and then threw a mech out of the back of our ship [ALI laughs], and then had other ships blow it up, and then leave!
JACK: Hang on, how many sentient robots are there?
AUSTIN: Like, in the world? [ALI laughs]
JACK: Yeah.
AUSTIN: All right, there’s Automated Dynamics, there’s Benny BABS...
JACK: How many— [overlapping] do we [unintelligible] how many sentient robots…
KEITH: [overlapping] For a little while there was that guy at the airport...
AUSTIN: Say that again?
JACK: ...There’s Jim?
AUSTIN: There’s Jim. We know— we’ve met Jim. I mean, like, sentient, there’s lots. Right? Like, there’s lots of robots that are aware that they exist.
JACK: Oh, yeah.
AUSTIN: There are not as many that have your degree of, I guess, sapience, where it’s like, reflexive thought about the self. Those are very few. Except also all the Divines.
JACK: But people know they exist. Woooah. I could pretend— no, I’m not gonna do that. [laughs]
AUSTIN: You don’t wanna pretend to be a Divine?
JACK: [laughs] Oh, my god. I have a feeling that that would… That might be an act of war.
KEITH: But they cut off communications.
AUSTIN: They did do that.
JACK: They’re boarding, but they’re gonna… I mean, I can still pretend to be a Divine in person. I look pretty fucking robotic.
AUSTIN: You do. You do look like a robot.
KEITH: You— I— There’re so few Divines, that I bet people have a very specific idea in their head when they think about Divines, and AuDy is not what that looks like.
AUSTIN: That’s true, also.
JACK: That’s, yeah, that’s—
AUSTIN: AuDy is definitely not a Divine.
JACK: Very true.
AUSTIN: It’s kind of just a butler robot. Or a, sorry, a valet robot.
JACK: Yeah. Um… Okay. But I mean, that’s definitely a thing in my wheelhouse on audio, which is an interesting thing to learn. Um… I am very anti—both as Jack and as AuDy, I am very anti- deactivating their doors and destroying a Minerva fleet.
ALI: Well, they wouldn’t be destroyed, it just keeps them from being able to board?
AUSTIN: And get off their ships, eventually.
ALI: Eh…
AUSTIN: Until someone else—
JACK: They can cut their way out, presumably.
AUSTIN: Presumably, yeah.
ALI: Or, like, once Mako’s far enough, like…
AUSTIN: Well, no, then it’ll stay un-hacked— it’ll stay hacked. His Fogs don’t, like, un-hook once he’s gone.
ALI: Oh, okay.
AUSTIN: But yeah, we can— you could totally make that attempt. Do you want to Jack In and try that?
KEITH: To— to shut off those doors?
AUSTIN: [overlapping] Mm-hm.
ART: [overlapping] Aren’t they just gonna fire on us?
AUSTIN: Yes. [ALI laughs]
JACK: Yeah. I would rather they bought, like— [overlapping] I would rather they boarded and we fought them hand-to-hand.
ALI: [overlapping] Yeah, let’s let them come on!
KEITH: [overlapping] I can also shut off the doors. Once I’m into this system, I’m into this system.
ALI: I could —
AUSTIN: That’s not true. Like, once you’re into the system, it’s one roll to take down the doors, it would be a different roll to take down their weapons system. It would be— it’s stored in a different part of their— like, you could do it, you’re right; once you’re in the system, you’re in the system. But I wanna be clear, that’s not one roll.
KEITH: Okay.
JACK: [overlapping] I would much prefer…
KEITH: [overlapping] Well, then.
AUSTIN: That’s like the difference between—
KEITH: Then how about this?
AUSTIN: Uh-huh?
KEITH (as MAKO): How about— how about this. How about we let them board, and we just be a normal ship—
ALI (as ARIA): Right!
KEITH (as MAKO): —with a regular crew.
ALI (as ARIA): Okay!
ART (as CASS): What if they wanna meet Captain No-Last-Name? [AUSTIN, ALI, KEITH, and JACK laugh]
KEITH (as MAKO): That’s me!
ALI (as ARIA): That’s Mako! He’s right there!
KEITH (as MAKO): I can— They can just see me!
JACK (as AUDY): Yeah, that’s—
KEITH (as MAKO): I’m right here, I’m flesh and blood. And there’s even more than one!
ART (as CASS): Do you have ID that says “Captain Has-No-Name”?!
KEITH (as MAKO): I didn’t say that I didn’t have a name, I just said, “You can call me Captain.”
ALI (as ARIA): Right!
JACK (as AUDY): We should probably hide Jacqui, though. As a—
AUSTIN (as JACQUI): I’m not going anywhere. [JACK sighs] I’m not wanted!
KEITH (as MAKO): That’s true.
JACK (as AUDY): Oh, okay. Okay, yeah, sure! Fine. Sorry, I just wondered whether or not, as Horizon—
AUSTIN (as JACQUI): I think we should let these people come on the ship, beat the shit out of them, and send them on their way!
ART (as CASS): [overlapping] I actually had that idea too.
KEITH (as MAKO): [overlapping] No, no beat the shit out of them, they’ve got—
JACK (as AUDY): I’m warming to that idea.
AUSTIN (as JACQUI): All right!
KEITH (as MAKO): [overlapping] We’ll see— We’ll play it by [unintelligible]
AUSTIN (as JACQUI): [overlapping] This is what I’m talkin’ about! [ALI laughs]
KEITH (as MAKO): No!
ALI (as ARIA): We shoulda—
KEITH (as MAKO): We’re not gonna hit them until, guys, until it seems like maybe they’re gonna hit us. Then we can hit them.
AUSTIN (as JACQUI): They’re gonna hit us.
ALI (as ARIA): No…
KEITH (as MAKO): They might not, I can just— I’ll— I’ll greet them at the door! Just, everyone be normal, I’m gonna go greet them at the door.
ART (as CASS): Oh, my god, you unstoppable moron. [ALI laughs]
JACK: This is incredibly bothersome for AuDy.
ALI (as ARIA): Jacqui, you should probably hide, but this is a good plan. [laughs]
AUSTIN (as ORTH): AuDy?
KEITH (as MAKO): No, Jacqui’s not— Jacqui can—
AUSTIN (as ORTH): AuDy.
KEITH (as MAKO): Yeah—
AUSTIN (as ORTH): [overlapping] When you’re done with this—
JACK (as AUDY): [overlapping] Yeah, Jacqui—
AUSTIN: No, this is— sorry, this is Orth. [lowers voice] This is—
JACK: Oh.
AUSTIN: — this — [clears throat]
JACK (as AUDY): Orth?
AUSTIN (as ORTH): AuDy? We’re gonna have to have a talk about the way you captain your vessel. [JACK laughs] Just, I have some pointers that I’ve picked up [ALI and JACK laugh] along the years.
JACK (as AUDY): [sighs] I’ll meet you in the canteen later.
AUSTIN (as ORTH): Sounds good.
AUSTIN: The ships are now approaching. They’re getting very close.
JACK: Okay. Sure. That’s just— uh, let’s open the airlock!
AUSTIN: Wait, wait— [laughs] once they’re— [ALI laughs]
JACK: No, I mean, you know, to let them aboard.
AUSTIN: Okay. Okay. I wanted to make sure that wasn’t another weird plan. All right. [ALI laughs]
JACK: No, I really don’t want them to cut their way into the ship.
AUSTIN: Um… so there are two Minerva ships here. One of them is like a cruiser, it’s— again, it’s like the size of the larger Horizon Tactical ship. Uh, and there’s a smaller ship that’s about the same size as the Kingdom Come, that pulls up alongside of it.
JACK: Oh wait, fuck.
AUSTIN: Uh-huh?!
JACK: Is Cass still a wanted man [sic]? [laughs]
AUSTIN: Uh… uh… No, I think it’s been long enough for that to have blown over. Also, the whole Apostolosian situation is such a mess right now—
ALI: Right.
JACK: Cool.
AUSTIN: But it could come up— it could come up. [ALI laughs]
KEITH (as MAKO): Um, can we— can I— can I put on some tea for when they get on?
AUSTIN: [whispering] Oh, my god.
JACK (as AUDY): No, there is no—
ART (as CASS): No.
JACK (as AUDY): Oh, okay.
AUSTIN: No.
KEITH (as MAKO): I’m gonna schmooze them.
AUSTIN: [whispering] Oh, my god.
KEITH (as MAKO): I’m gonna schmooze them!
AUSTIN: You could put on some tea once they’re here. Uh… the airlocks open up. The other side is… On the other side is Johnson Jeremiah, who is a— I’d say, late thirties, in a very fetching, uh, black and gold, like, military uniform, and he is flanked by twelve space marines.
KEITH (as MAKO): Hi guys!
AUSTIN: With guns.
KEITH (as MAKO): Um, so, situation normal!
AUSTIN (as JOHNSON JEREMIAH): Spread out, and, uh—
KEITH (as MAKO): Wait, no, I’ve got something for you!
AUSTIN (as JOHNSON JEREMIAH): —investigate this place.
KEITH (as MAKO): I’ve got a thing to show you!
AUSTIN (as JOHNSON JEREMIAH): Who are you?
KEITH (as MAKO): Uh, I’m… Captain. Um…
AUSTIN (as JOHNSON JEREMIAH): Captain who?
KEITH (as MAKO): Captain…
AUSTIN (as JOHNSON JEREMIAH): Spread out and search this place.
KEITH (as MAKO): Phillips!!
AUSTIN (as JOHNSON JEREMIAH): [overlapping] Get on the ground.
KEITH (as MAKO): [overlapping] Captain Phillips! [ALI and JACK laugh] I’m—
AUSTIN (as JOHNSON JEREMIAH): “Captain Phillips”, get on the ground.
KEITH (as MAKO): I’m on the ground. Well now, I have three things to show you.
AUSTIN (as JOHNSON JEREMIAH): Check him for weapons. Make sure none of the three things are a weapon.
KEITH (as MAKO): None of the three things are a weapon!
AUSTIN: [overlapping] There’s a marine who’s patting you down.
KEITH (as MAKO): [overlapping] One of them is a piece of paper and the other two are things— are people. [ALI laughs]
AUSTIN: [whispering] Oh, my god.
KEITH (as MAKO): I’ve got—
AUSTIN: Give me a— what are you try— give me a Fast Talk? I guess?
KEITH: Okay. Well, the thing that I want to produce— I want to produce the registration for the vehicle, which has the owners—
JACK: [overlapping] We don’t have that!
AUSTIN: [overlapping] You don’t have that!!
KEITH: We don’t have that?!
AUSTIN: You don’t!
KEITH: This is a legal— well, [AUSTIN laughs] I can make one—
ALI: This is a legal ship, wait.
AUSTIN: He doesn’t have it! You—
KEITH: This is a ship that was purchased legally!
JACK: You can’t make one now! Are you just gonna go to a printer?! [ALI, AUSTIN, and ART laugh]
KEITH: I was— well, I assume that it’s digital…
JACK: Uh…
KEITH: [overlapping] Somewhere exists a piece of paper that has—
AUSTIN (as JOHNSON JEREMIAH): [overlapping] Who are all these other people?
KEITH (as MAKO): Hmm?
AUSTIN (as JOHNSON JEREMIAH): Who are these other people on your ship?
KEITH (as MAKO): Oh, just, you know, we’ve got the… the… the last two owners of this ship, and both of them are on board. [ALI and JACK laugh]
AUSTIN (as JOHNSON JEREMIAH): [whispering] Okay.
KEITH (as MAKO): This is not a stolen vessel.
AUSTIN (as JOHNSON JEREMIAH): And you’re…
KEITH: That’s the only reason that they’re mad at us. They think that the ship was stolen. Cause AuDy’s weird when he [sic] talks to people!
AUSTIN (as JACQUI): This is a m— this is a disaster!
AUSTIN (as JOHNSON JEREMIAH): Everyone come into the main room… You sit here while my crew searches your vessel.
KEITH (as MAKO): Okay.
AUSTIN: There are, like, marines who are now tearing this place apart.
JACK: Wait.
KEITH (as MAKO): [overlapping] Can you be gentle with this stuff? It’s our stuff!
JACK: [overlapping] Brief— brief out-of-character conversation.
AUSTIN: Yes. Hey! Hi!
JACK: Do we have anything on this ship that is tremendously illegal?
ALI: No! Well… no, right?
KEITH: No.
JACK: I have a feeling that Austin has remembered something here that we haven’t. [ALI and JACK laugh]
ALI: Okay —
ART: We have a— we have two foreign war vessels…
JACK: The Megalophile is definitely a tank.
AUSTIN: You definitely have not only the Megalophile, but also the former emperor’s personal… colossi.
ART: Yeah.
JACK: That is super true. Yeah. They also still think that I am a robot that has gone rogue—
AUSTIN: Yes.
JACK: —and stolen—
AUSTIN: That is 100% true.
JACK: —a ship that used to be owned by… [AUSTIN laughs]
ALI: Orth.
JACK: Also, Orth is on the ship?
AUSTIN: Yes.
JACK: Which is amazing to them, because he was just, like, a war pilot… Basically what I’m saying is… they are not gonna like this.
AUSTIN: It’s a very— it’s a very suspicious-looking crew. Um… it’s a very—
JACK: It’d be like—
AUSTIN: —suspicious-looking crew, that, like, the more they look into— like, the more time they have to look into this, the worse this is going to get.
JACK: It’s like walking into a room, and every member of Ocean’s Eleven is there.
KEITH: Um…
AUSTIN: But also Ocean’s Eleven, like, recently blew a bunch of shit up.
JACK: [laughs] Right.
KEITH: Okay. I have— so, I have the beginnings of a plan. If I just made something happen on their ships that is just so much more important to deal with, like one of them just keeps turning— like, keeps spinning [ALI laughs], and they’re just like, okay, we have to just go figure this shit out, we can’t deal with this. Our ship is spinning and we don’t know why. [ALI laughs]
AUSTIN: What’s fogging look like from the— we can do this, but what’s fogging look like from the outside?
KEITH: Um…
JACK: [whispering] Say nothing!
KEITH: I think that at certain levels it looks like, you know, like almost meditation, and on some levels it looks sort of like, you know—
AUSTIN: Okay.
KEITH: —conscious, you know, mild concentration.
AUSTIN: Okay.
KEITH: Depending on how difficult the thing is.
AUSTIN: All right. Give me a Log In.
KEITH: All right.
AUSTIN: And this is the— which ship are you going after? The bigger one or the smaller one?
KEITH: Um… What are the roles of the two ships?
AUSTIN: The smaller one is the one that was housing these space marines… The bigger one is like, a big war vessel.
KEITH: Um…
AUSTIN: Which is to say, like, the sort of ship that has its own riggers in there, probably, and has like, big cannons on it and stuff like that.
KEITH: I’m gonna do that bigger one.
AUSTIN: [laughs] Okay. Also, that will be a harder ship to get into. Because it is a big war vessel and not just a troop transport.
KEITH: Yeah… That’s true—
AUSTIN: Okay, I just wanted to be clear.
KEITH: —but if it’s spinning it’ll be harder for them to shoot us.
AUSTIN: Mm-hm! Okay, that’s a 9, that’s not bad.
KEITH: Okay.
AUSTIN: Uh… When you—
KEITH: No one wanted to aid me there…?
AUSTIN: No! [JACK laughs] I don’t think anybody could aid you to hack into this thing either. They’re beginning to take— as you’re doing this, and as you’re, like, going into meditation mode, they’re taking you one by one into a different room to do questioning.
KEITH: Okay.
AUSTIN: So— not you, yet, Mako. You’re in the main room. Uh, do you have another roll that you’re supposed to make as soon as you log into a place?
KEITH: Uh, yes. I have…
AUSTIN: Console Cowboy? Which is Mind?
KEITH: It’s— I have to do that, and then also either Compromise Security or Manipulate Systems. I don’t know which—
AUSTIN: That’s what you do once you’re in there— in a place where you can do these things.
KEITH: Okay. So yeah, I’ll do Console Cowboy, let’s see. Uh… 10.
AUSTIN: Nice. Okay. So that means you get three hold?
KEITH: Which is very good.
AUSTIN: Yeah. Uh, so you log into their— their server is just like a weird replica of their ship.
KEITH: Oh, on a 7 to 9, one of those things happens? Um…
AUSTIN: But you got a— oh oh oh, you mean, on… sorry, on Log In.
KEITH: For Log In, yeah.
AUSTIN: Yes, correct.
KEITH: Um, so I think I’m just gonna do my standard—
AUSTIN: Yep. You—
KEITH: I just activate and then deactivate the ICE.
AUSTIN: Right. So the ICE that you see here is, um… Let me think, what would their internal ICE… Oh! It’s like, they’re person-sized riggers, they’re like rooks, but they are like, just human— they’re like the size of AuDy. It looks like AuDy, but like, a rook, and they’re walking through this virtual reconstruction of the inside of their ship. Uh, one of them like, lights its eyes up and looks at you, and then, like, as soon as you— you deactivate it and it shuts back down. Cass! You are in the medical bay, which they have taken over as an interrogation room…
ART: All right.
AUSTIN: Uh, and there are three space marines in there, and, uh, Johnson Jeremiah.
ART (as CASS): Don’t mess with the stuff, that’s all very expensive.
AUSTIN (as JOHNSON JEREMIAH): You’re a doctor?
ART (as CASS): Yeah.
AUSTIN (as JOHNSON JEREMIAH): What is your name?
ART (as CASS): Cassander.
AUSTIN (as JOHNSON JEREMIAH): Cassander… You people have last names, right?
ART (as CASS): Well, our captain doesn’t, and it was a whole th… [JACK laughs] No, I’m kidding. Of course.
AUSTIN (as JOHNSON JEREMIAH): Of course.
ART (as CASS): Uh… Uh, Cassander Berenice?
AUSTIN (as JOHNSON JEREMIAH): Cassander Berenice, are those colossi in the hangars yours?
ART (as CASS): Technically only one of them’s a colossi, the other one’s a…um, an Ori-Con industrial mech refitted with foreign arms…
AUSTIN (as JOHNSON JEREMIAH): So those two are yours, then?
ART (as CASS): Those are both mine, yes, I have— I have the paperwork to back that up.
AUSTIN (as JOHNSON JEREMIAH): Would you like to explain why you are, uh, transporting war materials— Apostolosian war materials?
ART (as CASS): Uh, they’re— they’re— the one’s a family heirloom…
AUSTIN (as JOHNSON JEREMIAH): A fam— what are you, like uh, are you like, fancy?
ART (as CASS): No. Not really at all.
AUSTIN (as JOHNSON JEREMIAH): You don’t look fancy.
ART (as CASS): Yeah.
AUSTIN (as JOHNSON JEREMIAH): I’ve seen them fancy boys, I’ve seen ‘em.
ART (as CASS): Yeah. I know.
AUSTIN (as JOHNSON JEREMIAH): You got the cheekbones, but you don’t have... anything else, really.
ART (as CASS): [amused] This is a very expensive coat, thank you very much.
AUSTIN (as JOHNSON JEREMIAH): It’s a nice coat. They give you that in med school, or…
ART (as CASS): No, it was more of what I got when I was decommissioned.
AUSTIN (as JOHNSON JEREMIAH): So there are regulations about transporting equipment like that.
ART (as CASS): I’m sure, yeah.
AUSTIN (as JOHNSON JEREMIAH): Uh, I’m not quite sure that you do understand that. We need to take you in for questioning back at Counterweight. I’m sure it’s all on the up-and-up, but you can’t do this. I have no— I have nothing here that says that you were— this ship was taking off with Apostolosian war materials. I see here there was a— a docking officer who registered you, a J-M 27 unit, all on the up-and-up, but didn’t mention anything about Apostolosian war materials.
ART (as CASS): I mean, they’re— the colossi is a collector’s item, you can check it yourself, it hasn’t been active in years and years—
AUSTIN (as JOHNSON JEREMIAH): Listen, I’m not a politician. I’m not here to say what is a collector’s item versus what is a weapon. My boss can figure that out, back in Centralia. But we’re gonna need to take you in, Cassander.
ART (as CASS): I’m— I’m pretty sure our — the launching paperwork does have collector’s items on it.
AUSTIN: This is gonna be a fun thing to figure out. Let’s jump back to Mako.
KEITH: Hi!
AUSTIN: So, you’re now in their, like, main— again, like their server visualization is like a weird replication of the ship space itself. So you’re like in a big— you’re, like, in the docking room, right? Which is like, their entryway.
KEITH: Mm-hm.
AUSTIN: And from there you can go forward into a long hallway which then connects out into a bunch of different side rooms. What do you do?
KEITH: Um…
AUSTIN: What are you looking for?
KEITH: I am looking for the bridge—or the helm controls.
AUSTIN: Okay, so you wanna go, like, right for the head, basically.
KEITH: Uh, yes. Yeah.
AUSTIN: Okay. Um, then… Hm. Okay. Give me a… One second, it’s been a little while since we’ve done Hacking. I need to look at— I have to look at these stupid moves again. All right.
KEITH: I believe it is a Manipulate Systems.
AUSTIN: It will be…it definitely will be once— okay, so here’s the thing. Right. You need to— to get into that room— that room is like, you can find your way through the main hallways, and you go to where the bridge is, and that door is currently locked.
KEITH: Okay.
AUSTIN: You’ll have to go into a different side room and unlock the doors first. To get into that— or unlock the kind of cyber doors. And you can find yourself there, and that is a room that is just, like, the— so the other rooms that you can go into is like, there’s a room that looks like an armory, and that is like, it’s the kind of um… That’s the defenses, like the ship defenses. Then there’s also a room that’s like, a medical bay, and that is the room where the internal computer defenses are. And then there’s a room that is like the cafeteria, it looks like? Again, it’s just like, riggers sitting down at a cafeteria table, eating [laughs]. Like, just shoving mashed potatoes into their [KEITH laughs] rigger mouths. Into their cockpits, that then, like, open and close as if they’re mouths. That are, like, in their chests. Um, and that is the place that has like, systems control, where you can then de— like, open up the other parts—
KEITH: Open the doors?
AUSTIN: —of the system to hack into. Yeah.
KEITH: Okay. So that would be a Compromise Security.
AUSTIN: That would be— no, that would be a… That would be a Manipulate Systems in that room. But, in there, just you’re like, basically walking around as these— these visualizations of riggers, which are just ICE, are like, eating their mashed potatoes. And you’re basically looking for, like, a switch to hit in there that will then unlock the bridge control door, basically.
KEITH: Okay.
AUSTIN: So yeah, give me a Manipulate Systems.
KEITH: All right. I have… a 9 there.
AUSTIN: Okay.
KEITH: Uh, which, I gain one hold.
AUSTIN: Right. Which means that you can then activate routines on that sub-system. Uh, so, each of the other doors that you want to unlock would cost one hold, basically. So you wanna unlock the bridge?
KEITH: Uh, oh, hold on. I… Sorry, let me see.
AUSTIN: Mm-hm?
KEITH: Uh… I get— I have two. Because when I— I have Manipulate, which is when I successfully—
AUSTIN: Oh. Correct.
KEITH: Manipulate Systems, hold one.
AUSTIN: Nice. Two,
KEITH: So I get two hold, instead of just one.
AUSTIN: So, what are you…
KEITH: I’m gonna unlock the door to the helm controls—
AUSTIN: Mm-hm.
KEITH: —and then also to the um… external defenses.
AUSTIN: Okay. Uh… So you’re walking back through all that stuff, and where are you going next?
KEITH: Uh, first I’m gonna go into the room with the— that controls the guns. The ship’s guns.
AUSTIN: Okay. So in there is a— like you walk in, and Jace’s Panther is in there. Again, like your size.
KEITH: Right.
AUSTIN: Also, you hear footsteps behind y—[yawns a little] excuse me— behind you.
AUSTIN (as LARRY): What are we doing?
KEITH: It's fucking Larry.
KEITH (as MAKO): Oh my god, are you, why are you here?
AUSTIN (as LARRY): Cause you're, cause we're here! What do you mean? We're doing a mission.
(1:08:05)
KEITH (as MAKO): We're doing a . . . yeah, we're doing a mission.
AUSTIN (as LARRY): What are we doing?
KEITH (as MAKO): And — can you — what can you do?
AUSTIN (as LARRY): What do you m — what? I can do anything you can do.
KEITH: Is that true?
AUSTIN: Eh. We'll figure it out.
KEITH (as MAKO): I don't, this is, okay. Here's the — other Mako, this is not the time that we figure it out.
AUSTIN (as LARRY): What do you mean, we got to figure it out?
KEITH (as MAKO): Oh, by the way, we're going by Mako now.
AUSTIN (as LARRY): Um, my name's Larry.
KEITH (as MAKO): I, yeah, but it's sort of part of the mission.
AUSTIN (as LARRY): Oh, so like we're both Mako.
KEITH (as MAKO): We're both Mako.
AUSTIN (as LARRY): [satisfied] I knew it. See, I told you that before, and you were like, "No, I'm Mako," but I was pretty sure it was both of us . . .
KEITH (as MAKO): Yeah, it's part of a different mission.
AUSTIN (as LARRY): Lots — it’s like, missions inside of missions.
KEITH (as MAKO): It’s mission — Yeah, it's, the —
AUSTIN (as LARRY): Who's that?
KEITH (as MAKO): — have you seen Inception?
AUSTIN: The Panther in front of you is, like, lighting up slowly.
KEITH (as MAKO): Um, uh, quick, go hide.
AUSTIN: He walks behind the Panther and just stands there.
[laughter]
KEITH: Is the, did the Panther notice?
AUSTIN: Not yet, but that's, like, that's some space that you could have hidden in.
KEITH: All right, I'm gonna go find a different place to hide.
AUSTIN: Okay. So you leave the weapons room.
KEITH: Oh, no, I wanna go back in, I wanna hide in the weapons room.
AUSTIN: There is nowhere else in — the weapons room is just like a little, it's like an armory, it has guns on the walls. There's a Panther in the middle of it. A Panther, again —
KEITH: I'm going to use another hold to deactivate the ICE.
AUSTIN: Is that just a straight-up thing that you can do?
KEITH: When I rolled the 10 on Console Cowboy, I got three hold —
AUSTIN: Oh, right.
KEITH: — I used one to deactivate the other ICE, this is the second ICE.
AUSTIN: Okay, cool. So it shuts back down.
KEITH: Yeah. And then I'm going to, um, I wanna set it so that the weapons have to go through a mandatory recalibration.
AUSTIN: Oh, that's good.
KEITH: So that it doesn't seem like they were deactivated —
AUSTIN: Right.
KEITH: — I want them to just be, like [silly voice] "Safety measure," and that —
AUSTIN: So give me, that is a —
JACK: We are improving your Skype experience.
[laughter]
AUSTIN: So that will be a Compromise Security roll.
KEITH: Well, I've got a hold to add to that, so.
AUSTIN: Okay, so you add one to that.
KEITH: That's the hold from the Manipulate.
AUSTIN: So then that's a . . . 7. Okay.
KEITH: 7, right.
AUSTIN: Um, hmm. So you gain one hold there, then.
KEITH: Yeah. Mm-hm!
AUSTIN: Ah, and you can . . . activate or deactivate security measure on that subsystem. So yeah, you totally can make it set to "they need a calibration."
KEITH: Yeah.
AUSTIN: All right, let's go back to Cass. Cass, where are you going to get the, or, we need to figure out whether or not your paperwork says that you're moving collectibles.
ART: We do need to figure that out. I mean, I assumed I was lying. But, who knows?
AUSTIN: Okay.
KEITH: It could've been all part of the plan that comes together.
ART: I could use my one I Love It When a Plan Comes Together hold —
AUSTIN: Uh-huh, sure.
ART: — but we're not even close to done with this plan, you guys.
AUSTIN: Noooo.
[laughter]
AUSTIN: Let's give that, let's see that roll, or let’s — do you want to do that, do you want to spend that one, or do you want to try to —
ART: To fast-talk it? I can't fast-talk it.
AUSTIN: Also fast-talking is going to be rough here, right? Like, "Trust me, I have it!" is —
ART: "Yeah, okay, let's go look!"
AUSTIN: — you've now promised something. Yeah. [laughs]
ART: [pause] Uh. Well. Shit. Everything sucks, you guys. Oh, can I, can I get an Assess?
AUSTIN: Sure. Totally.
ART: Can I use my Tactical Operations power on this?
AUSTIN: I don't think this is leading from the front, no.
ART: I think I'm the closest to danger as anyone!
[laughter]
AUSTIN: Just give me an Assess.
ART: All right, well, I got it anyway.
AUSTIN: You did, good job.
ART: You're not going to have to hear from my lawyer.
AUSTIN: Gain three hold. So you can now ask questions from this list and then take one forward.
ART: Uh, how is this guy vulnerable to me?
AUSTIN: Like, he doesn't — well, he’s — [sighs]. Trying to think about how flippant I should be about this.
ART: Not very, I rolled a 10.
AUSTIN: Yeah, well, but my thing is, I… I guess he's vulnerable in a couple of ways. One is… one is he's not wearing any armor. He's literally physically vulnerable to you. That is probably the most vulnerable he is to you. Um, the second way is just like, you could theoretically hurt him in a bureaucratic sense, but now that like, you don't have Orth on the inside, that's a lot harder to do. So I think the real answer to this, the honest answer is, physically, is the most vulnerable he is to you.
ART: Well, that doesn't help me, he's got three Marines who are much less physically vulnerable to me with him.
AUSTIN: That is one hundred percent true.
ART: How can I avoid trouble or hide here?
AUSTIN: You could always bribe him.
ART: I don't think you realize how quickly I've been shedding credits.
[laughter]
AUSTIN: Or pass the blame on, right?
ART: Sure.
AUSTIN: Those are the two things you could —
ART: I mean, we're leaving, who cares how much trouble Jim gets in?
ALI: Awww.
ART: Oh come on!
KEITH: Us — all of us, and the entire listening audience.
[laughter]
AUSTIN: That's who cares, right.
KEITH: You would be the new — if Jim gets in trouble because of you, you'd be the new Ali killing Calhoun.
AUSTIN: Or the new Hadrian killing that nice skeleton dwarf.
JACK: — killing the skeleton.
KEITH: [overlapping] Right. Or Hadrian killing that other guy.
ART: [overlapping] "He's a nice skeleton dwarf, he's a nice — "! He hurt me right before he did that. "Nice skeleton dwarf."
JACK: Back in the skeleton room —
KEITH: It was an accident and you were in his home!
AUSTIN: Oh my god. Spend your third hold or, or wait.
JACK: — as if a year hasn't passed.
KEITH: This is like a burglar suing someone — [laughter] suing someone for punching them out when they broke into their house.
AUSTIN: Next roll, or next hold, or are you going to save it?
ART: Uh, I'm gonna save it.
AUSTIN: Okay.
ART (as CASS): Look, I'm sure this is a paperwork mistake. I just don't, I don't have time to deal with this right now, I'm having . . . some honestly pretty intense family drama right now, I don't know if you watch the news?
KEITH: [makes sniffling noises, says quietly] You start crying.
ART: I'm not going to start crying, you start crying.
AUSTIN (as JOHNSON JEREMIAH): I'm very sorry to hear about whatever is happening with your family, Mr. [sic] Berenice, but that doesn't change the fact of the matter —
ART (as CASS): No no, I, I'm sorry —
AUSTIN (as JOHNSON JEREMIAH): Which is —
ART (as CASS): I'm sorry, you're gonna, you're just gonna have to let me, to let me get through this here. Uh, you have seen the news, right?
AUSTIN (as JOHNSON JEREMIAH): I, a lot of things are happening right now. What news are you talking about?
ART (as CASS): The situation on Apostolos?
AUSTIN (as JOHNSON JEREMIAH): [pause] Yeah, sounds good. You know?
ART (as CASS): Right, that's my —
AUSTIN (as JOHNSON JEREMIAH): You know. Green spring, and all that.
ART (as CASS): — that's my older brother [sic].
AUSTIN (as JOHNSON JEREMIAH): [pause] [amused] Oh-ho. Is it? Is it really? If I look this up, I'll see that you're the younger brother [sic] of the new Chancellor of Apostolos?
ART (as CASS): Yeah, I thought —
AUSTIN: He's laughing.
ART (as CASS): I gave you my real name, you don't, you didn't push that into anything?
AUSTIN (as JOHNSON JEREMIAH): [pause] Not yet. One, hmm. You watch him![3] I'll be right back.
AUSTIN: And he leaves.
KEITH: Google image search!
AUSTIN: Yeah!
[laughter]
ART: He goes and Googles "Apostolos royal family pics."
AUSTIN (as JOHNSON JEREMIAH): Oh shit!
AUSTIN: Yeah. Let's jump back to Mako.
(1:15:17)
So you’ve deactivated their guns. Now what?
KEITH: Uh. I wanna — first I wanna make sure that other Mako leaves the room with me.
AUSTIN: Yeah, he’s right — he’s like lockstep — you like go to look for him, and he’s gone, and he’s just like outside the hallway now?
AUSTIN (as LARRY): [whispering] Psst!
KEITH: Okay.
AUSTIN (as LARRY): Mission!
KEITH (as MAKO): Right, mission! You lead the way… to the next room.
AUSTIN: He starts heading back towards the hangar.
KEITH (as MAKO): Wrong way, wrong way!
AUSTIN (as LARRY): Ah — wait, sh — we’re not done?
KEITH (as MAKO): We’re not done, we have one more room!
AUSTIN (as LARRY): What’s the — what — I — you didn’t tell me what the mission was!
KEITH (as MAKO): Sorry, we’re gonna make this ship spin around a bunch!
AUSTIN (as LARRY): That’s a goof. All right.
KEITH (as MAKO): Yeah, it’s a total goof, it’s gonna get those marines back on their ship so they can help figure out what’s wrong.
AUSTIN (as LARRY): Is that a good i — marines aren’t like engineers!
KEITH (as MAKO): No, but they’re gonna have to like go and get help!
AUSTIN (as LARRY): [with doubt] Okay. Let’s go…
KEITH (as MAKO): No, it makes perfect sense!
AUSTIN (as LARRY): Does it?
KEITH (as MAKO): It does!
AUSTIN (as LARRY): Hmm.
KEITH (as MAKO): If — listen. If you’re — okay. This ship is like a — [overlapping] mom and a —
AUSTIN (as LARRY): [overlapping] Okay. Let’s just take a s —
KEITH (as MAKO): — a mom and a son ship, right?
AUSTIN (as LARRY): Uh, that’s not the —
KEITH (as MAKO): If your mom just starts spinning around in a circle and won’t stop, the kid’s gonna stop —
AUSTIN (as LARRY): I know — I —
KEITH (as MAKO): — bullying the other kid and is gonna be like mom, what’s going on?
AUSTIN (as LARRY): Larry, listen. The thing is, I —
KEITH (as MAKO): No, it’s Mako. We’re Mako.
AUSTIN (as LARRY): No, I’m Mako, you’re Larry. So the thing is, the… the metaphor you just used.
KEITH (as MAKO): Yeah.
AUSTIN (as LARRY): And I know this is gonna be tough to hear, Larry. But. Machines aren’t people, so the mother-son thing doesn’t work, [wry] this is a spaceship, it doesn’t have any loyalty to the other spaceship.
KEITH (as MAKO): No, the people, the people inside the spaceship.
AUSTIN (as LARRY): They’re not — they’re in your spaceship.
KEITH (as MAKO): [overlapping] Yeah, I want them to be —
AUSTIN (as LARRY): [overlapping] My — they’re in my spaceship.
KEITH (as MAKO): I w — you know what? I don’t need your backtalk, you’re my subordinate.
AUSTIN (as LARRY): Ohoh! [overlapping] He’s got a, he’s got a temper.
KEITH (as MAKO): [overlapping] Oh, you didn’t know that?
AUSTIN (as LARRY): He’s got a —
AUSTIN: He’s looking at an invisible camera, Mako.
KEITH: Uh-huh.
AUSTIN (as LARRY): He’s got a temper on him.
ALI: is he making a Jim Halpert face?
AUSTIN: [overlapping] Yeah, he’s making a Jim Halpert —
KEITH (dubiously in-character as MAKO): [overlapping] Are you doing a fucking breaking of the fourth wall?
AUSTIN (as LARRY): I’m not talking to you. I’m gonna leave. How bout that? I’m gonna close the door.
KEITH (as MAKO): Where are you gonna go?
AUSTIN (as LARRY): You’re gonna be stuck here!
KEITH (as MAKO): No, don’t do that —
ART: [fearful] Oh god.
KEITH (as MAKO): — that’s a mean thing to do. That’s not a goof, like this the f — I — listen. I can get outta any door.
AUSTIN (as LARRY): I don’t need you, Larry.
KEITH (as MAKO): No, you — I’m not — we’re both, we’re Mako, for the mission! [overlapping] We have to succeed in our mission!
AUSTIN: [overlapping] Mako coughs. In the physical world, Mako coughs.
AUSTIN (as LARRY as MAKO): How’s everything going, guys? What, are we still here?
AUSTIN: Says Mako. And Larry disappears. Yes.
ALI: Oh my god.
KEITH: Did I just get possessed by [sing-song] Larry?
AUSTIN: For a little while.
KEITH: Well, I’ve gotta finish the mission anyway.
AUSTIN: This guy shows — oh, yeah. Well, we can go back to you going into that room. Uh. Jonathan Jeremiah comes back in.
AUSTIN (as Jonathan Jeremiah): Oh my god — I am so sorry, Mr. [sic] Cassander. I… [clicks tongue] The thing is, it’s been very busy, so we haven’t really been following the news very closely. I hope you understand.
ART (as CASS): Sure, no, I get it. It’s a crazy world right now.
AUSTIN (as Jonathan Jeremiah): So just — ah — totally understand. We’ll just take the defective Automated Dynamics unit from your ship, and [quickly] we can be on our way~!
ART (as CASS): It’s his[4] ship!
AUSTIN (as Jonathan Jeremiah): It’s his shi — a robot can’t own a ship!
ART (as CASS): I’m pretty sure he can! He has all the papers. Ask Orth, he did it.
AUSTIN (as Jonathan Jeremiah): Ah — okay, give me — go get him.
AUSTIN: He says to the space marines.
AUSTIN (as Jonathan Jeremiah): You get — you go wherever you wanna go, Mr [sic]… Cassander. That’s — have a good day, on me.
ART (as CASS): Thank you. Thank you very much.
AUSTIN: Mako, let’s make this —
KEITH: [mocking voice] “Have a good day on me,” what, did you flip em a credit?
[AUSTIN and JACK laugh]
AUSTIN: Go get yourself a nice tarp. Uh. [slight laugh] Give me —
KEITH: Don’t spend it all in one place! According to that one website, it’s about 16000 dollars!
AUSTIN: Yeah, people missed that ‘cause we stopped recording, but last episode — after last episode was over, we looked up how expensive tarps were? They’re really expensive!
KEITH: Yeah, a tarp as big — big enough to cover the ship was like a couple hundred thousand dollars?
JACK: 169000 dollars or something?
AUSTIN: Oh my god.
ART: Yeah, no, my entire wedding registry is gonna be tarps of various sizes.
KEITH: Well, it —
[ALI cackles]
Honestly, the price depends on whether or not you want the tarp to be HD or not.
AUSTIN: [sighs] Right. There were HD tarps, I’d forgotten. Mako, give me a Compromise Security check in the main — or actually, this is a Compromise Systems check, in the bridge.
KEITH: Manipulate Systems?
AUSTIN: Manipulate Systems, yeah. What’d you get, another bo — look at that!
KEITH: 14!
AUSTIN: That’s a fuckin roll — 15, really.
KEITH: Yeah.
AUSTIN: ‘Cause you got that other bonus. You rolled two 6s, a 2, and then got a bonus from your Manipulate program.
KEITH: Nice.
AUSTIN: Yeah, so you just like kind of march in there and the ship outside starts spinning around.
KEITH: Great! I’ve got 2 more hold, what else can I do?
AUSTIN: Uh. I mean, what do you wanna do?
KEITH: Um. Can I create… can I create an automa — like a what looks like an automatic signal for — like sort of a mayday slash like return to posts signal?
AUSTIN: Sure. Like back on Counterweight?
KEITH: Uh.
AUSTIN: Or back towards Counterweight, at least?
KEITH: No, back towards their sh — on their ships. Like hey, something’s wrong, everybody get to your posts!
AUSTIN: You could do that on this ship, but not on the other ship. They’re different systems.
KEITH: Okay. Um.
AUSTIN: I mean, like, you could send — this ship could send a mayday signal. You could have them do that. You know what I mean?
KEITH: Yeah. I’ll do that, yeah.
AUSTIN: Okay. And then one more hold?
KEITH: [sighs] Um. Could I somehow pull Larry back into —
AUSTIN: No.
KEITH: — the matrix? No?
AUSTIN: You can’t. He’s gone.
JACK: [overlapping] D’you mean Mako?
KEITH: [overlapping] He’s gone?
AUSTIN: [amused] Yeah, do you mean Mako?
KEITH: No, I mean [with emphasis] Larry.
AUSTIN: No!
KEITH: Damn it! Um.
ALI: Yeah, how would you pull yourself back, Larry?
[AUSTIN stifles a laugh]
KEITH: I’m not Larry.
JACK: [laughs] That’s exactly what Larry would say.
AUSTIN: The ship — the other ship starts spinning, and Mako in the big room gets a big grin on his face. He leans over to Jacqui and goes,
AUSTIN (as LARRY as MAKO): [whispering] I did that!
ALI: [strangled] Shut the fuck up! [bursts into laughter]
KEITH: [whispering] He didn’t do it, I did it!
[ALI laughs even harder]
[JACK laughs a little]
ALI: Jacqui’s gonna break up with me ‘cause she hates this creep —
[AUSTIN laughs loudly]
[JACK laughs more]
AUSTIN: You’re not even together!
[ALI laughs]
ART: [overlapping] Yeah, she just lives with you.
KEITH: [overlapping] Uh. I’m gonna…
[ALI and KEITH laugh]
AUSTIN: Right!
KEITH: I’m gonna save my last hold.
AUSTIN: Okay. Uh, so you go to jack out, and like, you go to the hangar bay? You like go to where you jacked in, basically, and on the other side of the hangar, like where the big like — the air — the kind of… What’s the word I’m looking for? Like the exit of the hangar? Is just the rest — the hangar again, and the ship is just mirrored.
ART: All right, I know this from Castlevania: fight through the mirrored version.
[AUSTIN and JACK laugh]
and then you fight the real ICE.
AUSTIN: Right. Exactly. Uh, you can try to Log Out, which is a roll that you’ll have to do? But you can’t —
KEITH: Okay.
AUSTIN: You’re like, okay, I’m here! Like, I’m doing the move to get — I’m like doing the thing I do, to just disconnect automatically, it’s no — it should be no big deal. And it’s not — you’re not able to get out.
KEITH: Should I use the Log In roll to log out?
AUSTIN: No, there’s a roll called Jack Out, which uses Cool. When you, your programs or your deck are about to be damaged, et cetera?
KEITH: Oh, okay.
AUSTIN: Which you’re not about to be damaged here, but I’m — one of the moves that Larry has is to force you to use Jack Out whenever you cohabitate a system and he leaves first.
KEITH: Shit.
AUSTIN: That’s a partial success.
KEITH: Um.
AUSTIN: Which says…
KEITH: I do have all those holds left.
AUSTIN: You have one — no, so that one hold is a hold for Manipulate Systems.
KEITH: Okay.
AUSTIN: And then —
KEITH: Um.
AUSTIN: You might have like another +1, but I don’t think you have +3.
KEITH: I just had — I had +1 from Console Cowboy.
AUSTIN: Right.
KEITH: That’s it.
AUSTIN: Uh, so when you Jack Out but you choose one: you lose some data, you take some of the established consequences, or the owners of the target system trace you to your current location. Uh, by you lose some data here, what I’ll say is —
KEITH: Mm-hm.
AUSTIN: — that one of those things that you did, did not come to pass. You can pick which one. Some of the established consequences —
KEITH: Does that just mean that Jack and I — not Jack and I.
AUSTIN: Larry and you?
KEITH: Larry and I are in the same head?
AUSTIN: That is what established consequences will mean, yes. The established consequences will be that you do not fully take your body back over. You lose some data —
KEITH: That one. I choose that one.
AUSTIN: Okay. Good.
JACK: Jesus christ…
AUSTIN: That’s the best — uh! That’s the best one.
KEITH: Well, I wanted all the things to happen, and that’s the funniest…
AUSTIN: Uh-huh!
KEITH: One of the three.
AUSTIN: Good. Good. Great. Uh. [slight laugh] You can like again — sort of feel as the other ship is turning in its place, inside of this ship.
AUSTIN (as Jonathan Jeremiah): Uh, excuse me!
AUSTIN: Says Johnson Jeremiah.
AUSTIN (as Jonathan Jeremiah): Why is — what — what is happening?
KEITH: I look at the ship and then I lean over to Aria, and I go,
KEITH (as MAKO): [whispering] I did that!
[AUSTIN laughs loudly]
[JACK laughs]
ALI: Jesus christ… [wheezing] I gave him a thumbs up.
AUSTIN: Jacqui shoots you a glance. Eh. Orth steps out of the medical bay and like fixes his like, his shirtsleeves a little bit?
AUSTIN (as ORTH): Seems like you need to get back to your ship. Seems to be… in trouble.
KEITH (as MAKO): Yeah, that’s a weird thing. I’ve never seen anything do that before. Or know even how it would happen.
AUSTIN (as JOHNSON JEREMIAH): [irritated noise]
AUSTIN: Johnson Jeremiah is very upset, and is like.
AUSTIN (as JOHNSON JEREMIAH): When you get back to Counterweight, I’m going to need a lot of paperwork!
AUSTIN: And he and his crew of marines leaves.
KEITH (as MAKO): Boom! There you go, guys!
JACK (as AUDY): Okay, listen.
KEITH (as MAKO): Told you I had it under control.
ALI (as ARIA): [overlapping] You’ve done it!
AUSTIN (as JACQUI): [overlapping] We should have just — beat the shit out of them!
KEITH (as MAKO): [overlapping] I’ve got everything under control.
ART (as CASS): We definitely should have just beat the shit out of them. Ibex definitely —
ALI (as ARIA): No!
ART (as CASS): — knows exactly what we’re doing right now.
ALI (as ARIA): [confident] No. We’re not just gonna beat people up.
KEITH (as MAKO): No.
ART (as CASS): He just — he searched — they searched my name from this ship, there’s no way we’re not burned right now.
AUSTIN: Mmm beep beep beep beep beep. Mmm —
KEITH (as MAKO): What’s that beeping?
AUSTIN: Beep beep beep beep beep beep.
KEITH (as MAKO): Hey, d’you hear that beeping?
JACK (as AUDY): [frustrated] It’s a telephone call.
AUSTIN: Mmm beep beep beep beep beep beep.
KEITH (as MAKO): Can I get it?
JACK (as AUDY): No!
JACK: [overlapping] This is Automated Dyna —
KEITH (as MAKO): [overlapping] I got it. Hello?
AUSTIN: Hey! Hey, hi! hey!
KEITH (as MAKO): Hi, what —
AUSTIN: No, this is Larry talking as you.
AUSTIN (as LARRY as MAKO): What do you need help with?
AUSTIN: And then there’s another voice that you don’t hear, on the other end. Of that call.
AUSTIN (as LARRY as MAKO): No no no, we’re good, we’re good, we’re good! Everything’s great! You can just — you can just stay where you are, and that would be [drawn out] rad! [pause] Uh-huh? Oh — yeah!
AUSTIN: And Mako… puts the weird phone down.
JACK (as AUDY): Mako, who was that?
AUSTIN (as LARRY as MAKO): I — [scoffs]. Don’t worry about it. It’s fine!
ALI (as ARIA): [overlapping] We’re worried about it.
JACK (as AUDY): [overlapping] No, you need to tell me.
AUSTIN (as LARRY as MAKO): Larry, [overlapping] do you wanna get this one?
KEITH: [overlapping] Can I do — can I do a Jack Out —
AUSTIN: Says Mako?
KEITH: What’s that?
AUSTIN: Larry — he says,
AUSTIN (as LARRY as MAKO): Larry, do you wanna get this one?
KEITH (as MAKO): Um, yeah, I’ll get this one. [overlapping] Hi, guys.
JACK (as AUDY): Mako.
KEITH (as MAKO): Hi, no, it’s Larry.
ART: [amused] Oh my god!
JACK (as AUDY): Mako, I’m gonna need you to sit down. In that chair. Cass, could you keep an eye on Mako, please?
AUSTIN: Mmm beep beep beep beep.
JACK (as AUDY): Orth, move to the co — ugh! Okay, I’ve got this —
KEITH (as MAKO): Oh! I’ll get it. Hold on, hello? Hi.
AUSTIN (as CALLER): Hello.
KEITH (as MAKO): Hi, who’s this?
AUSTIN (as CALLER): [amused] Oh, it’s you. I read about you.
KEITH (as MAKO): Who’s —
AUSTIN (as CALLER): [brightly] My name’s Jerboa?
KEITH (as MAKO): Jer —
AUSTIN (as JERBOA): I’m going to kill you now.
[Music - The Long Way Around begins, low synth and piano]
KEITH (as MAKO): Me, now? Who are you?
AUSTIN (as JERBOA): My name’s Jerboa.
KEITH (as MAKO): …and what does that mean to me?
AUSTIN (as JERBOA): Mostly, that I’m going to kill you now.
KEITH (as MAKO): Why?
AUSTIN (as JERBOA): Well, the thing is. You see. Uh, can you — could you do me a favor and put me on speaker phone?
[Music - The Long Way Around plays to end]
[1] Apostolosian pronouns default to they/them. This would probably include Cass.
[2] AuDy uses they/them pronouns.
[3] Apostolosian pronouns default to they/them. This would probably include Cass.
[4] AuDy uses they/them pronouns.