What If World - 113 - A family interview

Podcast: What If World

File Length: 00:13:56

Transcription by Keffy

[Rising harp scales followed by the What If World theme song.]

Lyrics: What if kittens played the glockenspiel? And what if unicorns were real? What if you could fly or travel back in time, we welcome you to What If World. What If World. This is What If World.

[Gentle bell music.]

Mr. Eric: Hey there folks and welcome back to What If World, the show where your questions and ideas inspire off-the-cuff stories. I’m Mr. Eric, your host, and today we have a bunch of interview questions from a young lady named Annika. Annika is 11 years old, she likes houses and interior design and she wanted to interview Mamma Jamma, Poppa Loo, Zack, and Zizi so she wrote in with a bunch of questions.

JF Kitty: Well, shouldn’t we give a few shout-outs first?

Mr. Eric: Yes, JF Kat. Thank you for the reminder.

JF Kitty: I’m going first. I’ve got a shout out for Harrison! He asked to hear from me, the former president of–

Mr. Eric: Yeah, of What If World. Everybody knows, JF Kat. And you’re doing a great job leading the Fur Force.

JF Kitty: Well, thank you Harrison, and also Geno and Silvio.

Mr. Eric: To be frank, Geno and Silvio wanted a thank you from me, that’s–

JF Kitty: Well, I don’t have that in my notes.

Mr. Eric: You don’t have any notes. You’re a cat. Where would you even keep them?

JF Kitty: And finally, I’ve got a shout out for Mr. Wayne who works at the Montgomery Zoo!

Mr. Eric: Yes, Mr. Wayne, a fellow first name Mr, like myself, and an educator. We’re really happy he believes in the show.

JF Kitty: So should I stick around for the interview, or, uh…

Mr. Eric: I think we’re okay, Jojo.

JF Kitty: Well, then one last big thank you to Harrison, Geno, Silvio, and Mr. Wayne. Now maybe I’ll just nap here in this corner while you–

Mamma Jamma: Oh! Look at that little cute kitty cat, he’s black and white and fluffy!

Mr. Eric: Hey, Mamma Jamma, you’re right on time.

Mamma Jamma: Well, it’s rude to be late.

Zack: [Laughs] Mr. Eric, your studio doesn’t have any toys.

Mr. Eric: That’s a really good point, maybe–

Zizi: I can conjure some toys for you. I’m getting pretty good at magic.

Mr. Eric: Um, Zizi, you know, I actually do have a strict no magic rule in the studio. I’m not sure if you heard my interview with Abacus, but–

Poppa Loo: Oh yeah, they both got caught in the door. They were door people.

Mr. Eric: Yeah, I spent weeks coughing up wood chips after that, but thanks for the reminder, Poppa Loo.

Poppa Loo: You betcha, son. Now, where’s this cat I hear so much about?

JF Kitty: Actually, I don’t really like to be cuddled.

Mamma Jamma: Oh, nonsense! All kitties love a cuddle.

JF Kitty: Meow hold on a minute! Purrty please don’t cuddle me.

Zack: If you don’t want hugs you’re kind of in the wrong room right now.

Mamma Jamma: Oh, you’re such a smart boy, Zack. Give me a big hug.

Zack: Okay. Jojo, run for it!

JF Kitty: I’m meout of here!

Mr. Eric: Bye, JF Kat. Ok, does everyone have a seat? Is there enough?

Poppa Loo: You know, not really. You ever think about getting a bigger studio, young man?

Mr. Eric: Well, I used to record out of a closet so this feels huge to–

Mamma Jamma: Oh, don’t insult his little studio. I think it’s cute.

Mr. Eric: Uh, thank you, Mamma Jamma, but we really should be getting to the interview questions.

Zizi: I think I could make your studio bigger with magic. Abie cadabrick.

Mr. Eric: Oh, no no no no! Um, really nice of you to offer repeatedly after I’ve said no, but let’s… let’s get to that interview, huh?

Okay, Annika’s first question for you all–

Poppa Loo: Hang on, let me just get settled here with my newspaper.

Mr. Eric: You’re going to read the paper during the interview?

Poppa Loo: Only when you’re not talking to me. [Newspaper rustles]

Mr. Eric: Okay, Annika’s first question is, what is your last name? She says it’s hard to type out your names and it would be easy just to say, I want to interview the blank family.

Mamma Jamma: Oh my goodness, Mr. Eric, you never told them our last names?

Mr. Eric: Well, I just–

Mamma Jamma: Well, my last name is Jamma, and Poppa’s last name is Loo, obviously.

Poppa Loo: Oh, you need something, honey?

Mamma Jamma: No, you’re fine.

Poppa Loo: Oh, okay. Apparently What If World has an army of toy-building cow robots. Weird.

Mamma Jamma: That’s right, Poppa Loo.

Mr. Eric: Oh, okay, so you’re married but you have different last names.

Mamma Jamma: Because I took Loo as my middle name and he took Jamma as his middle name, and of course the kids are named–

Zack & Zizi: Jamma-Loo!

Mamma Jamma: That’s right! We’re the Jamma-Loo familoo.

Mr. Eric: Okay, I guess you are.

Poppa Loo: Well, but she’s got the cooler middle name.

Mr. Eric: Oh, you mean, you think that Mamma Loo Jamma sounds better than Poppa Jamma Loo?

Poppa Loo: Yeah, well, just listen to the way you said it, like you tried to walk on a balance beam.

Mr. Eric: Is that how I said it?

Zack: A little bit.

Zizi: It doesn’t really roll off the tongue.

Poppa Loo: But her name is Mamma Loo Jamma, she sounds like a rock star.

Mamma Jamma: Oh, that’s sweet of you, Poppa.

Zack: Well, I like being a Jamma-Loo.

Zizi: Me, too.

Poppa Loo: Me three, kids. I just don’t feel all that cool sometimes.

Mr. Eric: Well, Poppa Loo, you are really cool to me.

Poppa Loo: Aww, you mean it?

Mr. Eric: Yeah! You’re good at reading.

Poppa Loo: Aw shucks.

Mr. Eric: You’re already halfway through that crossword puzzle.

Poppa Loo: Well, color me 14 across.

Mr. Eric: Huh?

Poppa Loo: Oh, 14 across is bashful.

Mr. Eric: Well, hey, you know, I’d really love for you to answer the next question.

Poppa Loo: You mean it?

Mamma Jamma: Of course he means it, Poppa! Just put down the newspaper.

Poppa Loo: All right, all right. What’s the next question. I’m gonna give you the best answer an interviewee ever gave.

Mr. Eric: Oh, that’s really not necessary. See, Annika asks, how many houses have you lived in?

Poppa Loo: Well, we lived in the muffin house.

Mamma Jamma: Oh, then there was the house with the skeletons.

Poppa Loo: Oh, in the closet. I was just about to say that.

Mamma Jamma: I was just trying to help.

Poppa Loo: Well, we lived on a farm with some unicorns.

Zack: We moved to a zombie town for a while.

Poppa Loo: And I’m sure there a couple of other places, I’m having trouble remembering.

Zizi: And then we found Howie the rocket ship house.

Poppa Loo: Oh, kids, this was supposed to be my question.

Mr. Eric: Okay, okay, okay. Are there any other places you remember?

Poppa Loo: Okay, let me think for a second, here. Oh, why don’t you just ask the next question, and buy me some time.

Mr. Eric: Okay. Annika asks, have you ever lived in a house that used to belong to cow turtle lion robots, also known as CTL bots?

[Record scratch.]

Poppa Loo: How did she know?

Zizi: Wow, she must be psychic.

Zack: Seriously.

Mamma Jamma: Oh, I remember it like it was yesterday.

[Rising harp scale.]

Mr. Eric: It was about an hour ago in What If World. The Jamma-Loo familoo was flying through space looking for a wormhole to What Is World.

Poppa Loo: Can’t this thing move any faster?

Mamma Jamma: Oh, Poppa Loo, we’re already moving faster than the speed of light.

Poppa Loo: But we’re gonna be late! Just take that wormhole.

Mamma Jamma: We don’t know where that wormhole goes! Zizi, give your dad the map.

Poppa Loo: You think I don’t know my way around the universe?

Mr. Eric: And Poppa Loo yanked on the steering wheel, sending Howie the rocket ship house and the whole Jamma-Loo family crashing through the wormhole and towards a mysterious planet on the other side.

Zack: Uh-oh.

Mamma Jamma: I told you that wasn’t our exit, honey.

Poppa Loo: Oh, brother.

Mr. Eric: The Jamma-Loos… you know, Annika was right, it is easier just to say their name.

[Time skip noise.]

Mamma Jamma: Oh, look at these giant cow turtle lion robots! They’re so cute.

Mr. Eric: Oh, I missed something. I guess they had crashed into a planet that was home to massive cow turtle lion robots and they were already living inside one of them.

Mamma Jamma: Zizi, that was quick thinking, casting a magic air bubble around us.

Zizi: Well, thank goodness Zack found this big friendly cow turtle lion robot for us to live inside of.

Zack: Well, I would have never convinced it if Mom hadn’t taught me good manners.

Poppa Loo: And remember, how I, um, did the you know.

CTL Bot: This is awkward.

Mr. Eric: Said the cow turtle lion robot from all around them.

CTL Bot: Apparently, this Poppa Loo fellow has not done much of any use recently.

Poppa Loo: Well, I will get us to that interview on time, so help me. How do I fly you, giant cow turtle lion robot?

CTL Bot: We just need three pilots. A small one to pilot the robot cow inside the robot turtle, a medium one to fly the robot turtle inside the robot lion…

Poppa Loo: Oh, and a large one to fly the robot lion, that’s around all of it.

Zack: I call cow!

Zizi: I call turtle!

Mamma Jamma: I call lion!

Poppa Loo: Oh, I call reading my newspaper.

[Falling harp scale.]

Mr. Eric: Oh, okay, so Mamma Jamma, you remember it like it was yesterday, but it just happened a few minutes ago.

Mamma Jamma: You try working full time and raising two kids for ten years and then tell me how your memory works.

Mr. Eric: Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend. So you got here via CTL robot?

Poppa Loo: Oh, they did. I just kind of sat here, and [grumps].

Mr. Eric: Hey, Poppa Loo, just because you’re not doing amazing things all the time–

Poppa Loo: Doesn’t mean I’m not amazing?

Mr. Eric: Um, huh?

Poppa Loo: Was that what you were going to say?

Mr. Eric: No… I just mean that we all have different strengths and using those strengths together–

Poppa Loo: Makes us stronger?

[Record scratch.]

Family: [Laughs]

Mr. Eric: Um, I was going to say something a lot more insightful, actually.

Poppa Loo: Well, then, by all means, go ahead.

Mr. Eric: Oh, uh, you know, I would, really, it was wise. And thoughtful what I was gonna say, but we are actually, we are really running low on time so I gotta get to the last question.

Mamma Jamma: Oh, I hope it’s for me.

Mr. Eric: Zack and Zizi–

Mamma Jamma: Aw.

Mr. Eric: What is your favorite house that you’ve lived in or place that you’ve visited?

Zack: Oh, I really loved the cow turtle lion bot planet. I want to live there.

CTL Bot: We are flattered, and we love things that live inside of other things. Except, of course, for the evil turducken bots.

Zack: Oh, I want to meet them.

Mamma Jamma: Oh, well, I liked living in the house with the skeletons in the closet. They sang such a sweet song. It went like, “Bones! Booones!”

Poppa Loo: Yeah, we didn’t sleep all night so probably not my favorite.

Mr. Eric: And Zizi, you seem lost in thought.

Zizi: I don’t know. We’ve been to a lot of amazing places.

Poppa Loo: It’s okay, Zizi. Just tell him how you love the Observatorium since you’re so obsessed with magic.

Zizi: I do really love magic.

Mamma Jamma: Oh, no, you probably liked when we lived inside that active volcano with all the warm and cuddly lava people.

Mr. Eric: I don’t remember telling that story…

Zizi: No, that wasn’t really my favorite either.

Mr. Eric: It’s okay, Zizi. We don’t all have to pick favorites. Sometimes–

Poppa Loo: The favorites pick you?

All: [Laugh]

Mamma Jamma: Oh, oh, he’s got you pegged, Mr. Eric.

Mr. Eric: That doesn’t even make sense! That doesn’t sound like something I would say!

Zizi: [Laughs]

Mr. Eric: Zizi are you okay.

Zizi: I’m sorry, but Poppa Loo just really knows how to make me laugh.

Poppa Loo: Aw, shucks, Zizi.

Zizi: And Mamma Jamma has to manage the Baker-oo factory and I really love visiting her at work and seeing her in action.

Mamma Jamma: Oh, that’s awfully sweet of you.

Poppa Loo: Mamma Jamma’s job is your favorite place, I get it.

Zizi: But whenever I’ve had a long day or a hard adventure, or things just haven’t gone my way, I just can’t wait to get picked up by Poppa Loo so he can tell me some silly joke and make the whole world feel better.

Poppa Loo: Oh, Zizi…

Zizi: So, I guess that’s my favorite place.

Mamma Jamma: Oh, Poppa Loo, I am so jealous of you.

Zack: Well, my favorite place is Mamma Jamma hugs.

Mamma Jamma: Oh, Zack, you little rascal, give me a squeeze!

Zack: Oh, that’s a really big hug, mom.

CTL Bot: RARR MOO TURTLE SOUND.

Mr. Eric: Roar, moo, turtle sound?

CTL Bot: It is our CTL Bot alarm. Their rocket ship house has been repaired. It is time to go.

Poppa Loo: Well, you know, it was a lovely interview, Mr. Eric.

Mr. Eric: Yeah, Poppa Loo. Thanks for coming.

Poppa Loo: Okay, Zack and Zizi, let’s get out of Mr. Eric’s hair.

Mr. Eric: All right, bye Mamma Jamma, bye Poppa Loo, bye Zack and Zizi Jamma-Loo.

Zack: Seeya Mr. Eric!

Zizi: Bye!

Mamma Jamma: One cheek pinch for the road!

Mr. Eric: Oh, ah, okay!

Poppa Loo: You know I was just teasing about the lessons, right?

Mr. Eric: Yes. But it is hard to have a good lesson every once in a while.

[Falling harp scale.]

Mr. Eric: Well, Annika, I hope you enjoyed your interview. I’d like to thank Karen O’Keeffe, my co-creator, Craig Martinson for our awesome theme song. My niece, Liddy, and my cousin Raina, two of my youngest fans. And all you grateful kids at home who thank your parents for the little things that they do because every little–

Poppa Loo: Because every little thing adds up to a big thing?

Mr. Eric: Poppa Loo! That… that wasn’t… MMM!

Poppa Loo: [Laughs] You’re too easy, Mr. Eric.

Mr. Eric: Oh… until we meet again, keep wondering.

[What If World theme plays.]